The Kanto Master League (PLEASE READ LAST POST MADE BY ME)

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    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default The Kanto Master League (PLEASE READ LAST POST MADE BY ME)

    THE KANTO MASTER LEAGUE
    Most people did not like my original first chapter so I decided to change the whole thing to a brand new plot.


    PLEASE COMMENT!!!!

    CHARACTERS
    Red
    Proffesor Oak
    Red's Mom
    Officer Jenny
    Lyra
    Khoury
    Team Rocket Grunt(s)
    Nurse Joy
    Blue
    Brock
    Referee


    Plot
    This Fanfic is going to be about as young boy named Red setting off for his journey to become a pokemon master along side with is Squirtle. I promise this story would be a lot better than before because I have worked very hard on this peice.

    CITYS
    Pallet Town
    Viridian City
    Pewter City
    Cerulean City
    Vermilion City
    Lavender Town
    Celadon City
    Fuchsia City
    Saffron City
    Cinnabar Island

    Landmarks
    Viridian Forest
    Diglett Cave
    Mt. Moon
    Cerulean Cave
    Rock Tunnel
    Power Plant
    Rocket Hideout
    Pokemon Tower
    Safari Zone
    Seafoam Islands
    Pokemon Mansion
    Victory Road
    Tohjo Falls

    Current and upcomming
    Current: Chapter 17 Red vs. Blue The Ultimate Battle (Vs. Blue part 1)
    Next: Chapter 18 The Battle For a Winner (Vs. Blue part 2)


    Table of Contents
    Chapter 1 Farewell
    Chapter 2 Along the path to Viridian City
    Chapter 3 The Diglett Battle
    Chapter 4 Training
    Chapter 5 Exploring Viridian City
    Chapter 6 Reds First Battle: Khoury
    Chapter 7 Red's First Battle Quickly Shapes Up
    Chapter 8 Gym Leader... Where
    Chapter 9 Lost in Viridian Forest
    Chapter 10 Viridian Forest's Moving Battle
    Chapter 11 Squirtles Rescue Mission
    Chapter 12 Three Days in the Hospital
    Chapter 13 Recruiting Defeat
    Chapter 14 Red's First Gym Battle: Brock (Vs. Brock Part 1)
    Chapter 15 Halfway to Victory (Vs. Brock Part 2)
    Chapter 16 The Monstress Golem (Vs. Brock Part 3)
    Chapter 17 Red Vs. Blue The Ultimate Battle (Vs. Blue part 1)







    Chapter 1 Farewell


    “Squirtle use Bubble Beam and take out Dragonite”



    “Squirtllllllle” the Bubble Beam nearly took off the Dragonite’s head leaving it unconscious on the ground.


    “Good Work Squirtle!”


    “Dragonite is unable to battle; Red is the new world champion


    “Red, Red, Red” screamed the audience!


    “Wake up my sweetie pie” said Red's sweet Mom. “Ohhhhh Mom, why do you always have to wake me during my exciting dreams?” Red went outside felt the nice refreshing air and ran inside to find his first Pokemon, Squirtle. “Squirtle today we are going to set off for our Epic journey to become a Pokemon Master.”

    “Squirtle Squirtle” yelled the Squirtle jumping for joy nearly touching the ceiling. Red ran up to his room grabbed his lucky silver backpack. His mom was sitting silently on the couch with her magenta dress. Red sat right next to her and told her “It’s going to be ok, you have Professor Oak and you know I will always be your little pumpkin. I promise to write to you whenever I can or I will just contact you on the P.C.”

    Reds mom embraced him not leaving any air in his small, skinny body. “I got you a gift before you leave; it's five empty pokeballs. I know your going to need them for the rest of your team, so use them wisely.” sobbed his mother letting out all her emotions. With one last hug Red was gone leaving his mother speechless. “They grow up so fast.”

    Soon after Red had left his mother he decided to visit Professor Oak’s lab to say his farewells. Professor Oak looked as crazy as usual with is gray hair, wrinkly face, and broad eyes. He truly looked like a Professor. “Professor today’s the day I set off for my long journey to Pokemon stardom.” "Oh Red it's time already, I never thought that it was this time for you to leave so soon. You have grown to fast for even my sharp eyes to see.” “I promise to contact you and ma whenever I could.” said Red “That’s good enough even for this old body.” laughed Professor Oak. Even Squirtle let out a little giggle.

    Red had finally finished saying his farewells to all the town’s people and soon headed down the dusty old road to Pokemon Stardom.
    Last edited by alster08; 3rd July 2010 at 10:29 AM.

  2. #2
    ...and Never-Turn-Back. Giratina!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: The Kanto Master League (New and improoved)

    Hi there! First, I must say this:

    JOHTO
    JOHTO
    JOHTO CHAMPIONS' LEEEEEEAGUE

    ...Sorry, the title just made me think of that. :P On to the "review"!



    • Don't change the font color. I'm using the skin "Team Rocket Returns", and reading black text on a charcoal-gray background is difficult. And when it's difficult to read your story, people tend not to like it.
    • There are quite a few problems in your grammar, mostly concerning punctuation marks. I'll get to that later, when I'm not using bullet points. Every time a new person talks, make it a new paragraph. It's a bad idea to use exclamation points in narrative, because it sort of sounds like you're trying to force the reader to feel a certain emotion.
    • In a chapter title, almost every word should be capitalized, except for short ones like "to", "the", and "with".
    • Watch for certain words - such as you're and your - which sound the same but mean different things. "You're" is slang for "you are", whereas "your" denotes something as belonging to the person being spoken to.
    • I can see that you are working on a word processor, which is good - however, keep an eye out for your spelling. If you use Firefox, there should be little red lines under every misspelled word just like in any self-respecting word processor; if not, there are plenty of spell-checks available online or in your brain.

    Well, your general concept is acceptable (if a little overused), but like most writers - including myself - grammar and word usage could use some work. In addition to the small points I listed above, try to re-learn the rules on commas and other punctuation marks - there are plenty of resources for learning grammar rules on the computer, as well as any English or writing teacher if you're still in school - as well as generally read over your writing before you send it to the Interwebs. If you do that, you can pick up on strange-sounding lines such as this:

    Oh Red its time already, I never thought that it was this time for you. You have grown to fast for even my sharp eyes to see.
    Aside from replacing "to" with "too" and putting a comma after "Oh" and "Red" (since "Red", referring to the guy Oak is speaking to, is extra information), the sentences quoted above just generally feel wrong. Instead of repeating "you," there could have been "I never thought that your time would come so soon! You've grown too fast for even my sharp eyes to notice." or something. Aside from a few big words and wording changes to fit Oak's speech pattern more, there's less repetition of one word. You have a decent vocabulary - use it!

    Bottom line: Wise up on grammatical skills (particularly pertaining to punctuation marks) and wording, and you're set to go. Don't forget to make your story interesting!
    valuable are the new friends
    yet priceless are the old;
    but they all have souls of silver
    and they all have hearts of gold.


    wings have we | abecedarian

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    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Kanto Master League (New and improoved)

    Thanks for the helpfull advice. You are a very kind person. I will make the changes as soon as I can.

  4. #4
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: The Kanto Master League (New and improoved)

    I have a feeling I commented on the original version of this, but I'm not completely sure - it's hard to tell with people deleting threads here, there and everywhere. Anyways, here we go, firstly you spelt 'current' wrong, you wrote 'currant' which is like raisin, if you mean right now, you want to use an 'e'.

    Quote Originally Posted by alster08 View Post
    “Wake up my sweetie pie” said Reds sweet Mom. “Ohhhhh Mom, why do you always have to wake me during my exciting dreams?” Red went outside felt the nice refreshing air and ran inside to find is first Pokemon, Squirtle. “Squirtle today we are going to set off for our Epic journey to become a Pokemon Master.”
    Firstly, it's "Red's sweet Mom", the apostrophe signifies the possessive. If something belongs to someone, you need an apostrophe, for example, Red's Squirtle or Professor Oak's prostate.

    I'm hoping this was a typo, but I think you want the word "his" rather than "is".

    Also, remember to do a new line for a new speaker, it's really confusing other wise.






    Quote Originally Posted by alster08 View Post
    “Squirtle Squirtle” yelled the Squirtle jumping for joy nearly touching the ceiling. Red ran up to his room grabbed his lucky silver backpack. His Mom was sitting silently on the couch with her magenta dress. Red sat right next to her and told her “It’s going to be ok, you have Professor Oak and you know I will always be your little pumpkin. I Promise to wright to you whenever I can or I will just contact you on the P.C.”
    New speaker, new line, blah blah blah, I've said that already.

    You don't need a capital 'm' on Mom, that's not her name, she's just Red's mom.

    You DEFINITELY don't want a capital letter on 'promise', it's a verb for crying out loud, not even germans would capitalise that!

    You want to use "write" not "wright", not even sure that "wright" is a word full stop unless you're talking about the Wright Brothers, which I'm pretty sure you're not.




    Reds Mom embraced him not leaving any air in his small skinny body. “I got you a gift before you leave; its five empty pokeballs. I know your going to need them for you’re the rest of your team, so use them wisely.” sobbed his mother letting out all her emotions. With one last hug Red was gone leaving his mother speechless. “They grow up so fast!”
    "Reds Mom" needs an apostrophe and, as before, no capital M, so it becomes "Red's mom".

    You want a comma between adjectives so "not leaving any air in his small, skinny body"

    "its" without an apostrophe denotes the possessive (confusing, I know), if you want to say "it is", you want to use "it's", so we have "it's five empty pokeballs"

    "your" is possessive, whereas "you're" is short for you are, so we get "I know you're going to need them for the rest of your team" Not sure where the extra "you're" in the original of that sentence actually came from.




    Soon after Red had left his mother he decided to visit Professor Oak’s lab to say his farewells. Professor Oak looked as crazy as usual with is gray hair, wrinkly face, and broad eyes. He truly looked like a Professor. “Professor today’s the day I set off for my long journey to Pokemon stardom.” Oh Red its time already, I never thought that it was this time for you to leave so soon. You have grown to fast for even my sharp eyes to see.” “I promise to contact you and ma whenever I could.” said Red “That’s good enough even for this old body.” laughed Professor Oak. Even Squirtle let out a little giggle.


    "his" not "is", you have done this twice now. Could this really be a typo both times? I'm still hoping it is...

    New line for new speaker and you didn't start Professor Oak's line with quotation marks, which was confusing.

    As I covered before, you want to use "it's" rather than "its" for "it is".

    If you want to use too as in too fast, too slow or too constipated, you need two os rather than one.

    If Red is talking in the present tense, he should say "whenever I can" not "whenever I could".


    Right, now that that's covered, I'd like to say that storyline wise, it is, at this stage, a little boring, I'm afraid. Very generic, I doubt many people will even look on this thread with a title like that. I'm sorry if this comes off harsh, but you haven't done anything to make your story unique at the moment. Have a look at An Unlikely Heroine, Champion Lance does a pretty good job of making a journey fic original. I understand that the first chapter is the hardest one to make original, but that is the most important thing here - originality.

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    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Kanto Master League (New and improoved)

    Thanks for all the advice I sopose all my mistakes go to grammer and puntation.

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    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Kanto Master League CURENT: CHAPTER 1

    In the previous chapter Red has set on his journey. There should be few grammer issues and if so please post. I really need some comments. Thankyou!

    Chapter 2 Along the Path to Viridian City

    Viridian City was miles up road and all Red could see was brown dirt and a countless amount of trees. It seemed like days for Red but it had only been about a day. Red really wanted to reach Viridian City and began to walk fast. Squirtle could hardly keep up, stumbling after every step.

    Red let out a loud yawn and was losing his breath. “Well Squirtle I guess heading to Viridian City would have to wait for tomorrow because i'm worn out from walking the trail.” Squirtle was relieved and was very sore from his long walk up the path.

    “Squirtle, I am going to set up our camp beds that way we get a good night sleep because pretty soon we are going to have a fierce battle against the gym leader of Viridian City. Soon enough Squirtle was fast asleep letting out his soft snores to the world.

    The day was ending and it began to get frigid on the pathway. Squirtle was shivering excessively and Red was trying to block off the chilly air. That night was a disaster and Red was definitely not prepared for the tempature to reach 50 degrees Fahrenheit.

    Red did not have a good night's sleep and was practically sleep walking. Squirtle seemed to have no harm done and was ready for the long day. Squirtle had an idea and sprayed his cold water onto Red nearly making him jump out of his socks.

    “Thanks Squirtle, now im wide awake.” Red began walking slowly and gradually had gotten faster as they progressed down the foggy road which led to Viridian City.

    While Red and Squirtle were traveling down the path a wild Diglett appeared suddenly on the trail. The Diglett was very upset and Red new they had entered its territory. After seconds more Digletts had kept popping up forcing Red to move in the opposite direction.

    “Squirtle quick use Bubble Beam and take them out!” The strong Bubble Beam hit directly not leaving a mark on the powerful Digletts.

    “Back off” yelled a loud noise from behind. A tall woman stood in front of Red with a blue uniform and dark blue hair. Standing next to her was a small vine type Pokemon, Tangela.

    “Hi” my name is Officer Jenny and Im here to help you.” screamed the officer. "Tangela use Vine Whip on all of them" demanded the officer. One by one the Digletts returned underground without even thinking.

    “Yup these Digletts are from Diglett Cave North from Viridian City; but I wonder why they left the cave. This is very unusual and I must begin an investigation.” explained Officer Jenny.

    “Thanks for all the help; me and Squirtle would have been toast.” said Red in his scratchy voice. Suddenly a Diglett popped up from the ground and stared at Ash.

    “Ash I think this Diglett wants to battle you one on one.” laughed Officer Jenny.


    “Ok Squirtle we will make the first move and the only move”

    “Diglett” laughed the cocky Diglett and disappeared into the ground.

    “Ok Diglett it’s on!”
    Last edited by alster08; 29th May 2010 at 06:48 PM.

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    Default Re: The Kanto Master League Chapter 2 is now up!

    Chapter 3 The Diglet Battle

    Red was aware that the stubborn Diglett was trying to fool him. Diglett appeared right under Squirtle sweeping him off his feet. Squirtle fell on the floor hard and was shoddily injured.

    “Oh Diglett so you want to fight. I will give you a fight you will regret.” scolded Red. The Diglett ignored Red and used Scratch and took a direct hit at the confused Squirtle. “Quick dodge it and jump on it before it returns underground.

    Red was very Nervous and suddenly Squirtle landed on Digletts smooth shiny head leaving Diglett angry from the humiliation.

    Officer Jenny was still there eager to find out the outcomes of the vicious battle. “Red you are doing fine. You need to find a way to get Diglett from returning underground.”

    As the battle continued, it had made Squirtle tired from moving all around for the Diglett and had made Red more frustrated.

    Diglett returned underground and Red had an idea. “Squirtle use Water gun in the hole made by the traveling Diglett.” Squirtle used as much water as possible and had Diglett out of the hole slipping in the water.

    “Now is our chance Squirtle…attack” said Red waiting for Diglett to become unconscious.

    “Red has put up a very good strategy filling the holes up with water.” thought Officer Jenny.

    Squirtle used a fierce Tail Whip smacking Diglett across his face directly. Diglett was unconscious and this was Reds final chance to catch the wild Diglett.

    “Go pokeball” screamed Red. Red had used one of the Pokeballs he had received from his mom. Ash was anxious as the ball turned right and then turned left. The pokeball stopped and a light in the middle appeared.

    “Yaaaa” screamed Red “we caught Diglett.” Red gave a big hug to Squirtle and thanked Officer Jenny for the help and advice. Red now had a team of two meaning he would need one more Pokemon for his battle against Viridian City’s Gym Leader.

    Red continued his epic journey down the dusty old road to Pokemon stardom.

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    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Kanto Master League Chapter 3 IS NOW UP

    This is probably my longest chapter. This chapter is going to mainley be about Red training his team.

    Chapter 4 Training

    Red was still on the route that leads to Viridian City and was overjoyed by the fact that he had successfully caught a Diglett. The only problem was that he needs one more Pokemon to challenge the Gym Leader.

    “Squirtle, I don’t know how I am going to be able to get another Pokemon for the battle. Red kept his eyes open for a Pokemon and then saw a Pokemon in the bushes. Red ran to the bush as quickly but quietly to see the rumbling Pokemon.

    “Squirtle quickly use Water Gun in that bush and get the Pokemon out!” yelled Red. The Pokemon easily slipped out of the soaked bush. The Pokemon laid knocked out on the ground shivering from the water.

    The wild Pokemon was an average size Nidoran that had branches stuck to his body.

    “Well since its here Squirtle I guess I should catch it because I need at least one more for the three on three match.” explained Red carefully. Red threw one of his remaining Pokeball’s gently at the Nidoran.

    Red stared at the Pokeball that contained the Nidoran as it moved back and forth until the sudden stop and it was captured.

    “Yes I just caught two Pokemon in one day.” yelled Red at the top of his lungs scaring away many Pokemon. Red was excited that he finally had a team of three and was able to challenge the Gym Leader.

    All Red had to do was train them. Before he wanted to enter Viridian city he wanted to be prepared for anything. He decided that he would spend a day with his freshly caught Diglett and Nidoran. Red released Diglett and Nidoran from there Pokeballs.

    “Come Out, Diglett and Nidoran. Squirtle studied his new partners with his wide eyes. “Squirtle Squirtle” screamed Squirtle.
    Nidoran and Diglett screamed back and they were already friends.

    “Ok team, its time for some training and you guys better get to know each other well because you’re going to be together for a long time.” said Red in a mouthful.

    Red’s team understood of what they were expected to accomplish.

    “This is how I am planning the day. First I am going to train with Squirtle while you two get to know each other. Then it will be Digletts turn and Squirtle and Nidoran will get to know each other. Lastly the same thing will be done with Nidoran.” Again the new team had understood there trainer and were ready for training.

    As Red planed he started with Squirtle and ended with Nidoran. The team was exhausted and Red had figured out some new battling strategies. The sun was still up but was very dim from Reds point.

    “I don’t think I can feel my legs” groaned Red. He quickly fell to the ground and returned Nidoran and Diglett to their Pokeballs.

    Red laid on the ground chatting with Squirtle. “So what do you think the Gym Leader is going to be like? I don’t even know if it’s male or female.” Red didn’t even realize that Squirtle was fast asleep through the whole hour long conversation.

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    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Kanto Master League CHAPTER 4 IS UP

    Chapter 5 Exploring Viridian City


    Red could finally see the entrance to Viridian City. He was happy to finally reachhis destination point. Squirtle was almost more excited then his trainer because Squirtle wouldn’t have to walk as much.

    “Wow Viridian City is as beautiful as I thought it was going to be.” said Red amazed by the sites. Red roamed the streets which seemed almost deserted. There were a couple of people who seemed friendly but afraid as well.

    Squirtle’s eyes brightened as he saw the fountain. “Squirtle!” screamed Squirtle piercing Reds ears. Squirtle quickly ran to the fountain and jumped up and down splashing himself with the cold water. Red quickly ran after him thinking that he would get in trouble.

    “Squirtle you are not supposed to leave my sight. What if we get in trouble?” explained Red.

    A voice came from behind Red. It was a young girl about Reds age with overalls, high socks, and a white hat.

    “Its ok, that fountain is made for Pokemon to jump in.” advised the trainer. The mysterious girl also had a Marill who joined Squirtle in the fountain.

    “Hi my name is Red and you must be?” “Oh my names Lyra” noted Lyra the female Pokemon trainer.

    “Nice meeting you Lyra” said Red.

    “I have been here for awhile now so I know a lot about the town.” explained Lyra.

    “Oh can you please tell me where I can find the Gym Leader?” asked Red.

    “You can find the Gym east from the Trainer House.” answered Lyra.

    “Trainer House?” questioned Red.

    “The Trainer House is where lots of Trainers go to battle other Trainers. It’s good for practice battles.” explained Lyra.

    “Cool thanks Lyra, see you soon” said Red grabbing Squirtle and dashing to the Trainer House.

    Red still roaming the streets could not find the Trainer House. He was eager to see all the trainers at Viridian City battling each other. He spotted a sign that said Trainer House half of a mile east.

    Red followed the given directions and then spotted the Trainer House. As Red walked in he heard all types of Pokemon.

    “Wow Squirtle look at all of these Pokemon.” said Red. Squirtle agreed that it was quite amazing as well. His eyes gazed at Wartortle knowing that that Pokemon was going to be his next form.

    There was one trainer sitting on the bench waiting for a battle and Red was going to give the green haired man a battle.

    “Squirtle lets go battle that trainer over there.” yelled Red.

    Red walked up to the boy and asked for a battle.

    The young boy answered “Mmmm Im not that good but I can try.” Suddenly a Charmander jumped in the male trainer’s lap. He greeted the Squirtle but also scared it away. Squirtle was afraid of the Charmander’s flames.

    “My name is Red and this is Squirtle.”

    “Nice to meet you Red and Squirtle.” said the friendly trainer with a smile.

    “I forgot my name is Khoury”

  10. #10
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Kanto Master League CHAPTER 6 IS UP

    Please comment everone! This is the longest Chapter so far.

    Chapter 6 Red’s First Battle: Khoury


    Red and Khoury knew there was no room inside for the upcoming battle but there were outside fields as well. They found an empty field and chose there sides. One problem, they needed a Referee to ref there game.

    The young girl that Red had met at the fountain came to see Khoury.

    “Khoury so you’re going to battle… wait you’re that kid from the fountain!” believed Lyra.

    “We were going to battle but we kind of need a Referee.” justified Red.

    “I can do that” agreed Lyra with her Marill.

    “Cool now we can battle.” laughed Khoury.

    They all took there places on the battle field and began.


    Lyra flipped a Pokemon coin to see who would make the first move. “Red of Pallet Town will make the first move. This will be a three on three battle with no substitutions.” Both Red and Khoury were amazed by Lyra’s Referee skills. “Let the battle began!”

    “Ok Squirtle since we are making the first move use Dash and hit the Charmander with Tail Whip.” Squirtle attempted his trainer’s commands but was smacked in the head with the Charmander’s tail.

    “Nice try Red but that is not going to work. My Pokemon are masters at dodging. You are going to have to think of a better strategy.” declared Pokemon Trainer Khoury.

    “Believe me I do and it will be coming soon” thought Red staring at the Charmander’s every move.

    “Ok Charmander use ember and if it fails use scratch before it has a chance to get away.” commanded Khoury.

    “Charmander” screamed Khoury’s Charmander letting out a flame of fire that was about to hit Squirtle. Squirtle leaped from the ground and landed behind the Charmander.

    “Now use bubble beam.” yelled Red becoming very nervous. Squirtle’s Bubble Beam gave out a direct hit and Charmander fell to the ground.

    Charmander got back up but now he was limping. “Charmander are you ok” asked Khoury. Charmander couldn’t move and then Red demanded Squirtle to use Scratch. Squirtle used Scratch but the Charmander got him right before the hit with Focus Punch.

    Squirtle was badly wounded from the Focus Punch but it wasn’t enough to keep Squirtle down.

    “Charmander quick use smoke screen and this is our chance to knock him out” said Khoury with a grin on his face. The battle field then was covered with Charmander’s smoke.

    Squirtle had no clue where he was. “Squirtle be careful and keep your eyes focused.” Right then Charmander used another Focus Punch but Squirtle quickly moved to the right and used Scratch again. It hit the Charmander and all the smoke vanished.

    Charmander fell to the floor, unconscious “Charmander is unable to battle and Squirtle is the winner.”

    “So Khoury what’s your next Pokemon.” said Red with a smile that he had actually beaten one of Khoury’s Pokemon.

    “I choose you Pidgeot.” screamed Khoury and through his Pokeball up in the air and out came a flying type, Pidgeot.

    “A flying type.” thought Red “This is going to be a tough battle.”
    The Pidgeot flew from the ground into the air. “Pidgeot lets knock out this Squirtle, use Quick Attack.” The Pidgeot flew from the sky and down to the ground quickly aiming for the dangered Squirtle.

    Bam! Squirtle was hit so hard that it was knocked out before he had hit the ground.

    “Squirtle is unable to battle and Pidgeot is the winner.” announced the Referee.

    Red was now furious and now knew it was time for his Nidorans turn. “Let’s go Nidoran!” said Red throwing his Pokeball in the air. “Nidoran!” screeched Red’s second Pokemon.

    Red was now ready for any of Khoury’s attacks.
    Last edited by alster08; 1st June 2010 at 04:49 PM.

  11. #11
    You just got PK'd PK I'm BAAACK~'s Avatar
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    Default Re: The Kanto Master League---------Current: Chapter 6, Please Comment

    It's looking good so far! =) I like the battles you have here, it's really good. Though I should remind you one thing many writters may have trouble with (including myself). "Detail is an Author's best friend!" If you get what I mean, what if someone who never knew a thing about pokemon. Came over here to read this, they'd be thinking what does a nidoran look like? But don't worry, you're definitely improving!
    *CURRENTLY* why do you wanna know wot im currtly doing? SLAKTER!

    Also, be sure to check out my new little one shot! Rated G and made for winter (called: "Winter with Friends")
    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/

    You can also check out the sign-ups to my RPG... Please?
    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f425/bmgf-secret-santa-90989/

  12. #12
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Kanto Master League---------Current: Chapter 6, Please Comment

    Thank You You have been my first comment in a while.

  13. #13
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Kanto Master League---------Current: Chapter 7, Please Comment

    Chapter 7 Reds First Battle Quickly Shapes Up


    Red and Khoury’s friendly battle became more intense after every move. They were very uneasy from all the attacks. Red didn’t think that this was going to be as tough as he thought.

    “The Gym Leader is probably going to be twice as hard as this tough battle.” thought Red to him self.

    “What are you waiting for Red? Make your move.” groaned Khoury rushing for Red to make his move.

    “Ok Nidoran, he is good don’t let your guard down at any moment or we are toast.” mentioned Red quietly making it hard for Khoury to see. “Whenever you think you are endanger of getting hit be Pidgeot dodge it and use Poison String. Nidoran understood and Khoury had not heard a word.

    “Fine then Red if you are going to stall I’ll make the first move. Pidgeot use Arial Ace. Nidoran could barley see the Pidgeot move and was not prepared to get hit. Nidoran fell to the ground but got up quickly.

    “Nidoran this Pidgeot is fast so make sure you don’t let your guard down.” instructed Red getting confused by every attack.

    Then the Pidgeot came again using Arial Ace without his Trainers command. Nidoran quickly dodged it turned around and poisoned his opponent.

    “Yes you got him Nidoran, now it’s our turn to shine.” exclaimed Red.

    “This is impossible; no one can dodge my Pidgeot’s moves.” trembled Khoury afraid of failure.

    Each time the poisoned Pidgeot tried to move he would have a bad pain forcing him to stay still to avoid all damage. The Pidgeot shivered from pain.

    “Now that we have control Nidoran use Fury Swipes.” Nidoran was in no move for Furry Swipes and used Peak.

    “What are you doing Nidoran?” We could have knocked him out.” The Pidgeot was still up after the unwanted attack Peak.

    Suddenly the Pidgeot flew up to the sky and was cured from the poison. This was the job of the healing move Roost.

    “I knew you could do it Pidgeot.” chanted Khoury “Now use Sand attack and cover the field.” The sand filled the battle floor making Nidoran blinded by Sand. The Pidgeot came fast toward Nidoran with the strong move Air Slash.

    “Nidoran, be careful out there he is coming fast.” The Nidoran was now showing he was stubborn. Nidoran used Hidden Power. “No Nidoran that is too strong for just a friendly battle. You are going to knock out every thing.

    The Hidden Power took out everything in its path leaving Pidgeot on the ground ready to return to his Pokeball.

    “Pidgeot is unable to battle. The win goes to Nidoran.” yelled the Ref Lyra.

    Khoury now frowning returned Pidgeot. “Have a good rest Pidgeot; you proved you were strong out there.” Khoury threw out his last Pokemon, Golduck. “Ok Golduck show them that we are tough.”

    “A water type” whispered Red to himself. Red was very angry at his Nidoran and scolded “You have to listen to me; you can’t go on thinking you can fight yourself. That’s how we will lose.

    Nidoran ignored his trainer and charged Golduck with Peck. This Peak looked strong and Nidoran looked mad.

    “Golduck Red has no control over his Pokemon this is our winning chance. Use Aqua Jet.” Golduck jumped before getting blasted by Reds uncontrollable Pokemon.

    The Aqua Jet looked beautiful with water coming from the nearby pond. The water was circling around Golduck. Golduck knocked out Nidoran before it could even turn around.

    “I knew Nidoran was going to be trouble but not this much.”
    It all started in training.

    “Nidoran use Peak” yelled Red. Nidoran glanced at Red with an evil eye and obeyed.

    Now Nidoran really showed that he disrespected me.” whispered Red quietly. “Ok Diglett it’s your turn.” Show that Golduck that you have what it takes.” Red threw his ball in the air releasing Diglett.

    “Diglett” screeched Reds last chance. He would have to battle hard now because it’s a very close match. Red knew that Khoury was going to try his hardest.

    “Ok Diglett no fooling around now.” advised Red knowing that this was his last chance.

    “Yes this is exactly what I wanted and even better. A ground type.” thought Trainer Khoury.

    “Diglett quickly use Mud-Slap.” demanded Red. Diglett successfully succeeded in the attack; leaving mud all over the Golduck.

    “Golduck just wipe it off and use water gun.” Diglett returned underground afraid of getting hurt by the water.

    Diglett quickly returned above ground one meter behind the Golduck. Khoury’s final Pokemon was confused of where the Diglett was moving.

    “Golduck when Diglett goes underground, use Water Gun in the hole.” said Khoury quietly. Red did not here Khoury’s words and continued the battle.

    “Golduck use confusion and look straight into Diglett’s eyes. Diglett did not even have a moment to move and was quickly confused. Diglett began hurting himself by banging his own head on the ground and leaving himself open to attacks. Golduck used scratch and bowed down towards victory.

    “No we lost” shouted Red. “It was nice battle though.” admitted Red to Khoury. Khoury was pleased but it was only a friendly match so he wasn’t too excited.

    “Red you put on a pretty good show.” When you knocked out Pidgeot I was scared. But when your Nidoran wasn’t listening I had the advantage. You need to work on that Nidoran of yours. He’s pretty stubborn; don’t you agree.” Red agreed with the statements made from Khoury.

    Lyra announced the matches winner and was very attracted to the match.
    Red said farewell to his first friends on his journey and headed towards Viridian City Gym.
    //////////////////////////////////////////////////

    Next Time: Gym Leader… Where?

    //////////////////////////////////////////////////
    So what did you think. Leave a comment.

  14. #14
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Kanto Master League---------Current: Chapter 7, Please Comment

    This is a pretty short chapter but its because theres nothing else left to do in Viridian City.

    Chapter 8 Gym Leader… Where


    Shortly after Red’s tiring battle he decided that he was too tired to challenge the Gym Leader and it shall wait for tomorrow. Squirtle didn’t mind and neither did the rest of the team. Red past the nearby Pokemon center and rented a small room with two beds, a bathroom, and a window view of Viridian City.

    Red fell asleep during the night and had his most freighting dream ever.

    “Squirtle quickly move out.” yelled an unknown voice.


    It was too late Squirtle was hit and was in a coma.


    “Ha! Red you can’t run from me!”


    The unknown man forced his Pokemon to use Hidden Power on Red.


    Red fell down after the hit feeling the pain of when a Pokemon is hurt.


    Now this time he was the Pokemon.



    Red suddenly woke up to a loud noise in the Pokemon Center. Red realized it wasn’t a shriek it was just thunder. “Yesterday was a beautiful day and now it’s pouring. I hope it doesn’t rain the whole day or we won’t make it to the Gym.”

    After a couple of long hours the rain stopped and the sun rose leaving its beautiful rays shining on the city. Today Viridian City was alive; people roamed the streets and kids played in the streets. Now Red was going to battle the Gym Leader. Red followed Lyra’s precise directions that said move east of the Trainer House. He walked a quarter mile and spotted the Viridian City Gym.

    A large man stood in a suit; he had short black hair, and black sunglasses.

    “Hello sir may I go in to challenge the Gym leader.” said Red taking out his Pokemon license received from Professor Oak.

    “No one is allowed in the Gym till further notice.” groaned the man in a suit not moving a muscle.

    “Why, what happened.” asked Red out of curiosity.

    “The Gym Leader is out somewhere else and he hasn’t been here in a while.”

    “Where could a Gym leader be? They really aren’t suppose to leave the town.” said Red to himself.

    Red knew he couldn’t challenge the Gym Leader of Viridian City so he decided he would head to the nearby City. Red walked away from the closed Gym irritated at the man in the suit but also the Gym Leader. “What was that guy’s attitude?”

    Red approached a nearby elderly man asking directions to the nearby town.

    “Head a mile north a mile from this point and you will have to move through Viridian forest. After you exit the forest you will see a cave. Move through the sinister cave and you will find the gates of Pewter City.” Red took in the wise mans directions and asked if he needed any help with anything. But he didn’t so Red decided to get a head start down the clean road into Viridian forest where extraordinary things happen.

  15. #15
    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Kanto Master League---------Current: Chapter 8, Please Comment

    Expect Chapter 9 Later today.

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