Contains elements from The Residents' "Life Would Be Wonderful"
It was a late night at the Outskirt Stand, an old steam train turned diner and bar. The train had long since stopped, as there were no longer any tracks for it to run upon. It was just stranded in the desert, much like the S. S. Tidal, which had since been converted into a hotel. It was a normal night at the Stand, with the few people who always hung around at night finishing off their drinks and sitting around at their tables. There was always the odd one or two who walked into the Stand this late at night. What was especially odd about this one was that she was 12 years old and had blue hair.
The girl went up to the bar and sat down. She looked especially downcast as she gave her order to the bar's owner. "Hey, barkeep. Could you please get me a root beer?"
The man turned and looked to her. "Say, you're a new face around here. What's your name?"
"Jovi." said the girl, staring down at the table as the man poured her a drink.
"Here ya go, kid."
Jovi sat in solitude after chugging down the soda. Eventually the bartender noticed that her glass was empty. "D'ya want some more, kiddo?"
"No, thanks, I-I-I'll-"
"It's on the house. Just for you. You deserve it." When within little time, Jovi had downed a large amount of root beer, the proprietor began to worry. He sat down across from her on his end of the bar.
"Hey kid, you okay?"
Jovi sighed and asked:
"What's it to you?"
"Look. I know something's up. I haven't seen anybody here drink that much since about a year ago."
The bartender sighed as he recounted the boy who came in the year before. "The boy's name was Wes. Up to this point, every time I saw him but one, he brought along this girl. Her name was Rui. Now they were an item, these two. I ain't never seen 'em apart after the day they met. Then this time it was different. I saw Wes trudgin' through that door not unlike you yourself, and he came up to the bar n' asked me for a beer. He took a drink, then he asked me if he could tell me a story shortly before payin' for some more booze."
The barkeep had Jovi's attention. She looked up and asked:
"What happened then?"
"Well, after he had another drink, he told us his story. Supposedly, after makin' it big for stoppin' all them Shadow Pokémon, his life just plain went to Hades from there. He just swigged down glass after glass as he told us about Team Snagem and about how Rui got killed by Cipher and all them things like that, all while tryin' to drown his sorrows and his liver just the same. And when he was done, he paid the tab and just left. The next thing I heard was an engine roaring as he drove off into the distance. And that's the last I heard of him. What's your story, kid?"
Jovi put down her glass. "Okay, but before we start, are you familiar with The Residents?" The bartender racked his brain.
"Let's see... Four guys... who wear tuxedos... and top hats..."
Jovi got more excited as the man began recalling the details.
"...And giant eyeballs... on their heads. And one of them wears a big plastic skull, right?"
Jovi's jaw dropped. "Oh my god! You know about The Residents! Someone other than me knows about The Residents!"
"You get all sorts of people here." said the bartender. "Every once in a while, somebody comes by and hands me a CD to play in the jukebox. And that's how I learned about those guys. Hey, Willie!" He threw a coin to one of the regulars.
"Put that in the machine and play the girl D-4 for me, why don't ya!" The man went up to the machine, inserted the coin, and pressed two buttons on the machine. A tune played on the jukebox that not even the regulars had heard, but was all too familiar to Jovi and the barkeep.
Life would be wonderful,
Life would be wonderful.
If I was a little taller,
It I wasn't quite so old,
If my raincoat had a collar
to help me keep away the cold.
Life would be wonderful,
Life would be wonderful.
"Thanks. I needed that." replied Jovi."You know all those films about the Bunny Boy they started making?" The bartender nodded.
"Those films by the guy in the secret room? Yeah, I've been watchin' em from day one."
"Well, about twenty or thirty films into it, the Bunny Boy starts going into detail about the differences between him and his brother. At some point, he even fishes out two paintings of clowns. His brother is the happy clown, and he's the sad clown. I always saw myself as the sad clown. My brother was always given the star treatment. He had a legend, he had a title, he even got a girlfriend. He fell in love with some Equin chick he met over at Phenac and it was happily ever after from then on. Me, I was always bullied at school because I wasn't like all the others. My life is a wreck. I'm starting to regret this whole journey thing."
"Well, it all started when I decided to take a trip through Orre of my own. I packed all my things and got myself ready, and I was on my way for greener pastures..."