Journey to Power
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  1. #1

    Default Journey to Power

    So my name's Supermon, I'm new to this site and although I may be good at writing most of my english papers this is the first time I've written an actual fic, I spent a week looking at rules for good writing and I'm ready to try this out. It's probably not so good but I'll try to do my best.

    Before I start I wanna give some character profiles, mostly the two main characters of this fic.

    Leaf: A girl from Pallet Town that starting her journey, she wants to become a great trainer so she can meet the most famous trainers (or mostly guys) around the Pokemon World. She's smart and really clean about herself she can be uptight sometimes too.

    Red: An eleven year old boy from Pallet, he lives in the Outskirts of Pallet with his drunk of a father. Red due to the fact of living with a messy father is messy in general. His house is mostly dirty the whole time, Red's a really confident kid and he would normally ignore people that bore him, Red is also really laid back when it comes to situations that don't need anyworries in general.

    Also this fic is mainly focused on the first gen, hence the fact that it takes place on the same year that the first games came out, this also means I'll be using first gen Pokémon and attakcs too, I'll have to remind myself of all the first gens attacks first though.

    Journey to Power

    Chapter 1: Don’t Judge Red by his Cover

    The alarm clock rang; it was so loud it could be heard through the whole room. Apparently she was the only person that had a hard time waking up to it; she got her hand out of the blanket and tried to find the snooze button. Her lazy hand kept missing as her temper got bigger. “Damn it!” she yelled jumping out of the bed and throwing the clock; it crashed with the wall and broke.

    She grunt as she got out of bed; it was actually eight in the morning, a little too early to get up for summer. “Summer just started and I already have to go” she scratched her eyes and yawned.

    She looked around her room, it was mostly pink or green colored. She had a closet right in front of her bed and there were various posters on the wall. Either posters about the new Videogame Pokémon Red and Blue or posters of famous trainers and actors. She smiled and turned to look at a poster of an Elite 4 member.

    He had a long sleeve black and red jacket with black sleeves and a red front, he was wearing a pair of black pants, and he also had a black cape and a long pointy red hair. “Well good morning Lance” she smiled and blew a kiss at the picture. “Today’s my first day as a trainer and once I get all the badges, and win the Pokémon League I’ll be able to challenge the Elite 4 and meet Lance” she smiled and turned around.

    She got her clothes out, a black colored dress with a pair of black shoes. She grabbed a comb and started combing her beautiful brown long hair; she looked out the window, now that she had opened the curtains. “Better hurry” she grabbed the dress, took off her pajamas and put the dress on.

    “Now, where’s my bag” she opened the door to her closet and knelt down to start looking; out of all the things she needed, she forgot the most important thing of all, her bag. “There it is” she smiled brightly and took the yellow sports bag out of the closet. “Now, I’m ready to go” she adjusted the bag on her arm, and opened the door.

    She started walking down the stairs; trying not to go too fast so that she wouldn’t fall off. Once she got down she saw the rest of her family waiting for her downstairs. “Hey Leaf dear” she heard her mom said. She, like Leaf had a long brown hair, she was wearing a white apron with a long sleeve blue buttoned shirt. She also had blue eyes.

    “Hey mom” Leaf said waving her fingers as she walked up to her mom. ‘Where’s Claris?” she asked looking around the living room, her little sister was good at hiding, so good they could never find her.

    “I think she’s still sleeping dear, she’s only eight years old after all” her mom said smiling; she got up and helped Leaf into the kitchen. “Now you need to get your breakfast, remember that you need energy if you’re going to start travelling.” She grabbed a box of cereal and a bowl.

    “Thanks mom,” Leaf grabbed the bowl of cereal and then a spoon and started eating. Her name as you must’ve figured out is Leaf, she’s a girl that lives in Pallet Town, and today’s her tenth birthday; which means she’s able to leave on her journey.

    Leaf looked at the calendar, June 8 1998; she swallowed the cereal and started thinking, after so long she will be able to go on her own journey, the whole summer travelling. All the people and Pokémon she’ll be able to meet, and best of all no school, meaning she doesn’t have to worry about anything but training.

    “This is gonna be so cool” Leaf started kicking the air with eagerness. “Are you going to miss me mom?” she asked as her mom turned around to look at her. She walked over to Leaf and smiled.

    “Of course me and Claris are both going to miss you, you’re my daughter, but we knew this day would come eventually” she took the bowl of cereal and headed for the sink. “Plus if you’re as good with training as you are with your studies” she grabbed a paper from the counter, it was a Report Card; and it had straight A’s on it. “You’ll be a champ in no time.”

    Leaf couldn’t help but giggle and got up. “Well, I better go, Professor Oak must be waiting for me, see ya” she waved and started walking. She reached for the door knob and felt the cold gold that made the knob. She was actually leaving home; she was leaving home, so that she could go to the Pokémon World.

    Once she left the house and let the door close, she looked ahead. The houses of pallet were all lined up, most of them were made out of wood; some of metal, but all of them had a terrace and a second floor. Leaf breathed the great morning air, she was ready to start anew and so she started walking.

    She kept looking sideways; the town was empty, since people were still on their homes. She was happy that she was alone, this way she didn’t needed to worry about people distracting her from her goal. “Now” she started scratching her chin. “Where’s the professor’s lab again” she laughed nervously and started looking for a map.

    “I think it should be around here” Leaf kept walking; not really noticing she was entering the forest outside of Pallet. She only focused on trying to find the lab. “Where is it?” she asked herself and passed through a bunch of tree branches that were stuck together.

    Leaf kept walking and saw she was almost on the edge of a cliff; she got alarmed and stopped walking. “Wow that was a close call wasn’t it.” She sighed.

    Leaf sat down and kept looking at the map; as of now she was out of bounds, meaning the map didn’t got her anywhere. “How come the lab’s not here” she turned the map around and frowned. “No wonder this map was made in 1968, that’s twenty years ago, I don’t think the lab was even here when that happened” she started laughing nervously.

    She sat on a rock nearby and started gathering her thoughts. “Well, I won’t get anywhere if I keep sitting here” she got up and felt the ground crumbling. “What?”

    Just as she turned around the crumbled, and she started falling off the cliff, letting out a loud shriek. Leaf was starting to feel light head; probably cause of the fear of dying, so she closed her eyes as her mind started to drift. Then something happened. She wasn’t falling anymore, in fact she felt like she was lying on a cape of fur.

    She opened her eyes for a moment and saw a giant dog looking Pokémon, it had orange fur with black stripes, it had a big yellow mane with a yellow tail, it had a short nose and long fangs; and a face full of rage. Leaf closed her eyes and finally fainted.

    Leaf opened her eyes, she felt a wet towel on her forehead. “Where am I” she patted her head and pushed herself up, she started looking around and saw the living room she was sleeping on. It looked messy, actually it was messy. There were magazine scattered all around the floor, the sofa looked really old and dirty, not just that but the walls have various stains. She got up and started walking around.

    The kitchen was also mess, and it seemed like they were emptied out on everything, ever shelf was empty; and the fridge only had a cup of yogurt inside it; the yogurt didn’t even smelled right actually.

    “Where the hell am I?” Leaf waved her hand in front of her nose, letting the bad smell of the yogurt go.

    The TV was on too. She sat on the sofa and started watching the TV. The person that left it on was watching cartoons, mostly cartoons Leaf never heard off, since she focused more on the news and reality TV shows. “Should I change it, if there’s anyone besides me here then I shouldn’t.” she asked doubtfully.

    “Hey you awake?” Leaf turned around and saw the kid that was coming from the garage that was outside. Leaf looked at the kid. He was wearing a black short sleeve shirt, he had a kind of tan skin and a messy black hair, he had brown colored eyes, and he was wearing a pair of jeans. He had dirty spots around his face and body.

    “Who are you!?” Leaf yelled alarmed, even if this kid was the one that brought her there; but she still didn’t know why he helped her. “Why did you bring me here?”

    The kid just looked at her with a confused look. He walked into the kitchen and knelt down opening the shelf that was all the way to the left. “Here it is!” he stuck his hand in there and got a packet of noodles out. “I knew dad didn’t eat the last one” he smiled and opened the can.

    Leaf just stared at the kid; she looked really confused. Was this kid really the one that saved her, cause if he was, he was a real dumbass at it. She saw the kid getting two chopsticks from the cabinet. He started eating the noodles with the chopsticks. “Why are you eating with chopsticks?” she asked.

    “They look cool, plus I feel cool with it” he laughed and kept eating, slurping with ach noodle that got in his mouth. “As for your first question, my name’s Red” he smiled pointing the chopsticks at himself. “And I brought you here cause, well you were falling off a cliff,” he started eating again.

    “So, your house is really, something” Leaf tried her best to not sound rude, after all Red was the one that saved her. Red started laughing.

    “Nice try, don’t worry, I know this place sucks” Red put the noodles down. “So, your name’s Leaf, and you live a few blocks down the street” he said smiling over at Leaf.

    “How do you know that?” Leaf backed away a few more steps after hearing Red.

    “I checked your License, which you keep in your wallet” Red narrowed his eyes and grabbed the can of noodles again.

    “Wait, but I keep my wallet in my…..” Leaf blushed; she kept her wallet tied around her stomach, meaning to find it someone would have to take her dress off. “Pervert!” she yelled punching Red on the face. “Now I can’t get married cause of you!”

    “Who says you can’t, you know you hit as hard as hell” Red patted his face. He got up and dusted himself up. “Want anything?” Leaf shook her head.

    “So, you said you lived with your dad, where is he?” Leaf started to wonder; Red couldn’t have been the one that saved it, she was sure she was saved by a great strong Pokémon; Red wasn’t really the kind of person that would actually have one of those, so it was probably his dad.

    “He’s still sleeping; I think he came home drunk late last night” Red yawned and started walking up. “I’m going out right now, so I’m going to change, wanna come?” he asked her and walked up. Leaf really needed to get to Professor Oak’s, but hanging out with Red for a while wouldn’t hurt.

    A few minutes later, Red came back down; the only difference he had was that he was wearing a red jacket with white short sleeves, he no longer had all those dirty spots around his face, and he was wearing a pair of gloves and a red and white cap with a coin glued to the side of the hat.

    “I thought you were going to wash” Leaf raised an eyebrow, she really thought that after getting so dirty, Red would at least consider cleaning himself.

    “Why should I, I’m going to get dirty again anyways” Red smelled his armpit to see if he had put enough deodorant. “Yeah I think that’ll work” he laughed and walked down.

    Leaf frowned. “You’re really gross!” Leaf yelled and turned around. “Now, are we going?” she asked growling at him.

    “Sure” Red walked back to the kitchen and grabbed the can of noodles. Leaf looked at him weirdly, he was still eating that, even thought he had to go. “What, I can let it go to waist!” he yelled and started walking out of the house.

    “Now, where are we” before she could finish Red was walking already, she frowned, how could he just ignore her over and over again. “Hey comeback here and answer me.”

    “You know, you’re really stubborn” Re3d frowned, still not looking at her as they passed a tree near the house, there was a wooden club house on top. “You know, I used to play up there, it was cool” he chuckled and started eating again.

    “Can you please answer” Leaf was starting to get annoyed, seeing Red ignore her over and over again just made her more annoying.

    “Like I said, I got this new job I have to attend to; once I’m done I’ll let you go” Red smiled and kept walking. Leaf just followed, she couldn’t really fight it, since she wanted to know what idiot would hire Red.

    “What’s it about?” she asked since she couldn’t really contain herself.

    “I don’t even know myself, the dude just saw me once and told me I would be great for the job” Red shrugged while still walking; by now Leaf gave up on getting him to turn around and talk to her.

    They stopped walking and stared at the building in front. It was a two floored white building; it had a big backyard, which covered a lot of ground. It had a pokéball on the top with the sign Oak Lab on it. Leaf gasped after looking at the sign, this was where she was supposed to go, Professor Oak’s lab.

    “Here we are” Red said and walked over to the door, he turned around to look at Leaf. “You coming?” he asked walking inside.

    As the two kids walked inside the lab, it was a simple lab; well mostly, it had white walls all around and it had various bookshelves full of books, there were papers messed up all around the lab, and machines like a teleport machine, traders and resuscitation machines for fossils.

    “Oh there he is” Red pointed over at the computer nearby. There was a man typing some stuff on it, mostly stuff about different Pokémon species and their locations. “Hey oldie, I’m here for my job” Red walked over to the man.

    “Oh right, you must be Red” the man turned the chair around. He looked around his sixties, he had a short white hair and a wrinkled tan face, he was wearing a lab coat with a red button long sleeve shirt, he had coffee brown pants and moccasins shoes.

    “Yep, sorry I’m late, I had to do something” he said turning to Leaf. “This is Leaf, she came to see what you were going to assign me” Red said, he noticed the professor’s eyes sparkle when he pointed at Leaf.

    ‘Oh so you must be Leaf, you were supposed to come see me today” Oak smiled walking over to Leaf and shook her hand.

    “Yeah, I got a little carried away, but now I’m here to get my starter Pokémon” she said nodding her head.

    “Oh, so this is where you wanted to come” Red chuckled and smiled; he was happy he had helped Leaf in a way.

    “Sure over here” Oak walked over to a desk nearby. There were three pokéball on the desk, one of them had the picture of waves, the other one the picture of a leaf, and the last one the picture of flames. “It’s simple, pick the one you like the most, or just the one you think would be better on your journey.” Oak said.

    “Well, I want a strong Pokémon, but I want one that’s easier to raise too” Leaf started to think, she also wanted a Pokémon that would match her, and she knew which Pokémon was the best choice. “I got it!”

    She grabbed the pokéball with the leaf on it. “Go!” she yelled as a Pokémon popped out from the ball. It was a four legged Pokémon it looked like a small dinosaur, it had blue skin, and it had green spots all around its body, two red eyes and a big bulb on its back. “Bulbasour” she said hugging the critter.

    “Nice choice Leaf, now since you’re new” Oak walked back to his desk and started looking around. “Where did I put them, oh here” he raised his finger and grabbed five pokéballs. “Here you go” he walked over to Leaf and gave her the pokéballs.

    “Thanks sir” she said grabbing the pokéballs, and then she grabbed a sixth one and registered the Bulbasour on it.

    “Now about me?” Red asked as he stepped in front. “I’m ready for the job” he clenched his fists in confidence.

    “Oh right, I’m sorry I forgot about you Red, well as you remember the day we met, I told you I liked the way you trained your Pokémon and their abilities” Oak walked back to his desk and started picking more things.

    Leaf was surprised, not for the fact that Red actually already had Pokémon, but that they were considered by the famous Professor Oak. She stared at Red, who was still grinning while waiting for Oak to get the things he needed. *Maybe he’s not so bad* she thought and smiled.

    “So you do have Pokémon?” Leaf asked turning around to look at a surprised Red. Red just looked at her with the corner of his eye; which just made Leaf mad again.

    “Yeah, I got one Pokémon on me, I wanted to get a starter Pokémon, but since I’m not starting” Red scratched his chin and laughed. “Honestly I’m not that good, but if the professor praises me then I don’t really care.”

    “Here it is!” Oak smiled brightly and walked back to Red. “I got something for you Red” he held the object forward, it was a square like machine, it had a blue sensor on the top, apparently it was close cause the tab was visible, it was red colored and it had a hole on the side, probably to connect it with something.

    “What’s this thing?” Red asked raising an eyebrow as he grabbed the object. He opened the tab and revealed all of the white buttons that were inside, there was a small black screen on the side and it had blue buttons underneath it, two of those were arrows that pointed sideways; and arrows that pointed up. It had a second screen that looked like a video games screen; it had a bigger screen and another button to go up and down on the down part.

    “It’s my own creation a Pokémon encyclopedia or Pokédex for short” Oak stated raising his finger. “With this little gadget you can see the data of any Pokémon known to man as of right now, it can also give you that Pokémon’s background” Oak smiled and started showing Red how to use it.

    “Wow, this is so cool” Leaf smiled and looked over Red to see the screen. “There’s Bulbasour” she pointed at the screen that was showing a picture of Bulbasour.

    “Yep, it shows a picture of ever Pokémon Red’s seen so far” Oak nodded as Red pressed the forward button. That’s when Leaf jumped, it was the same Pokémon that saved her, she stayed there staring at the screen and then at Red.

    “What Pokémon that saved her, she stayed there staring at the screen and then at Red.

    “What Pokémon’s that?” she asked pointing at the screen again.

    “That’s an Arcanine, a fire Pokémon, really rare too” Red said raising his finger so that he could explain better. “Arcanine are in fact so rare, some people consider them as Sur Legendary Pokémon.”

    “Now what am I suppose to do?” Red asked looking at Oak with a confused face.

    “You see, I need you to find as much data about Pokémon as you can, but also” he got a stern looked and stared down at Red. “I need you to get all the gym badges.”

    “Wait what’s so important about them?” Leaf asked raising her hand, she didn’t know if she should ask that question, but she thought it was better to get rid of her curiosity. “I mean, any normal trainer would be bale to get those, wouldn’t they?” she raised an eyebrow.

    “Well, yeah that’s the logic of it,” Oak raised his finger and looked over at Leaf. “But, I’m talking about different kinds of badges, you see” Oak stopped and walked over to the wall; there was a frame with eight spots on them, all of the spots filled with one of the eight badges.

    “These badges are different, they have great powers, powers that are able to make a Pokémon better in a mysterious way, unlike a normal badge would do,” Oak turned around after grabbing the frame; his old hands seemed to hold a strong grip on it.

    “Wait, so you’re saying these badges are like some kind of, steroids for Pokémon or something?” Red asked; now he himself was confused, could there actually be something with that much power.

    “If you should call it that way then yes, each badge has a special power, but what worries me if what would happen if this mysterious badges are all put together,” Oak sighed and started pacing back and forth. Leaf just decided to sit down, she really needed to digest thing. Who would thing the thing she was shooting out for would risk so much. “My guess is…” Oak took a deep breath. “That if they’re all put together they’ll be able to control the strongest Pokémon ever, Mew.”

    “Mew, the Phantom Pokémon, named that cause of its mysterious location and why no one can find it, some people say Mew has been around since time itself was created” Red cocked his head; he turned to look at Leaf, who seemed a little overwhelmed on how much he knew. “My dad may be a drunk, but he’s also a teacher at Pallet High” Red shrugged and grinned.

    “Anyways, Red, I’ll need you to leave immediately, we gotta get this badges before they do,” Oak started walking to the door when Red stopped him.

    “Who are they?” Red asked looking at Oak with a serious look; even if you could barely see it cause of his hat.

    “They’re name’s Team Rocket, they’ve been attacking this region for a long time now, they want power Red and if they get it, they’ll destroy everything” Oak stopped and showed Red a picture with three silhouettes on it. Red couldn’t figure the three of them, but he knew that one of them was a girl with a ponytail, and what seemed to be latex gloves, and the other two were guys. One seemed to have a Mohawk and the other had a long neck on its chair.

    “Team Rocket has already chosen they’re three trainers that will seek the badges, that’s why I chose my own” Oak gave Red the picture; which on Red’s part felt creepy since he felt the connection between him and those three trainers. “Well technically two, you and my grandson, but I’m looking for a third person.”

    By now Leaf was at the door; she didn’t have any business there, she already had Bulbasour and, well, she really didn’t need to stay anymore. “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH” she screamed as she felt a purple looking, snakelike tail wrapped around her hips and dragged her out.

    “Leaf!” Red yelled and started sprinting out. He gasped after seeing what was happening outside. There was a guy standing in the middle of the road. The guys was wearing a black long sleeve shirt with a red R on the middle, he had long black pants and a black beret; he also had a pair of white gloves. His Pokémon right next to him, it looked like a giant purple snake. It had mostly the body of a cobra and some kind of yellow and red colored pattern; its pattern looked like an animal opening its mouth. It tail was practically strangling a terrified Leaf. “Leaf are you okay?” Red asked and tried to get closer, but the Arbok fired a barrage of glowing spikes from its mouth and caused Red to jump back.

    “How do you think she is, been strangled by an Arbok’s Wrap attack, that has to hurt like hell!” the man started laughing as Arbok tightened the grip on Leaf. “Come out here you old coop!”

    “Here I am, but let go of the girl” Oak came out of the lab holding his hands up. “Red this is a member of Team Rocket the ones I was just talking to you about” he said looking down in disappointment.

    Red gritted his teeth as he glared at the Rocket, Leaf was being strangled to death, and Oak didn’t have anything to do; but he knew what he had to do. “I’ll help you out Leaf” his face grew sterner as he adjusted his hat. He grabbed a pokéball from his head and pushed his hand back. He put one foot back and one forward, then with one loud scream his let his arm thrust forward and threw the pokéball.

    The Rocket and Arbok both dodged, but the pokéball acted as if it was alive, and it turned to Arbok; it crashed on the giant snake’s body and popped open. That’s when it came out, Arcanine, in all its glory its fur was even glowing with the light from the sun. “Arcanine, use Flamethrower” Arcanine didn’t hesitated; it charged back and fired a huge jet of burning flames. The flames crashed with Arbok’s body and pushed the Arbok to the floor. Leaf fell down, but after a few seconds she got up and walked over to Red.

    “Thanks Red, you saved me” she smiled and turned to look at the majestic Arcanine, Arcanine looked back at her and flicked its mane. “You’re Arcanine’s so cute!” she put her hands together and smiled over Arcanine.

    “Arbok, we’re not done yet, Acid!” Arbok got up from the floor and fired ball of purple liquid towards Arcanine. Arcanine used its great speed to jump over the balls, it was about to fire another Flamethrower, when Arbok surprised it and slammed its tail against it (note this isn’t Iron Tail it’s just a normal hit with the tail).

    “Arcanine, get up and use Double Edge” Arcanine managed to push itself up and it started running towards Arbok, it pushed its body forward and slammed itself with Arbok. “Now Fire Blast” Arcanine ran over to Arbok’s side and started creating a fire in its mouth.

    “Arbok, Hyper Beam” Arbok turned around as fast as it could and fired a beam of energy. Just in time Arcanine fired a beam of flames that formed a star. Both attacks crashed and pushed each other back, but in the end the Fire Blast lasted longer and hit Arbok pushing it, and its trainer to the trees that were nearby.

    “Done” Red wined with one eye and grinned as he turned to look at Leaf. “You okay?” he asked extending his hand.

    “Yeah, thanks” Leaf shook it and the two looked at the smiling Professor Oak. “Why are you smiling professor?” Leaf asked; after being attacked by some psycho how could Oak still be calmed.

    “Cause, Red passed the test, that wasn’t a real Team Rocket member” Oak started laughing as the Rocket crawled back up, patting his head he left his beret fall off to reveal his brown hair.

    “Am I’m glad he didn’t finished me off, or I would’ve been dead’ he said and pulled out a pair of glasses.

    “You see Red, I may have chosen you for the job, but I needed to test you, that’s why I had one of my aids dress as a Team Rocket member and attacked us” he quoted the last part. “All to see if you were up for it, and you sure were young man” Oak patted Red’s shoulder.

    “Thanks professor,” Red smiled and looked up at the professor. “I guess Arcanine and I will still have to train, it was a little hard even for us” Red laughed.

    Leaf wanted to walk up to Red but just stopped. “Well, I’ll leave now” Leaf smiled brightly; even though she was faking. “I gotta, you know go the day’s almost over and I want to get to Viridian soon” she turned around and frowned, she really didn’t wanted to go; since she wanted to help too. But she really couldn’t do anything. She turned back around. “Toddles” she waved her fingers and started running, leaving Red and Oak to wonder.

    “I guess it was for the better wasn’t it” Leaf cocked her head with her arms crossed; she was still deviating if what she did was right. “Who’s that?” she looked up ahead there was someone sitting under a tree, the kid was eating something, but Leaf couldn’t make out what.

    She walked closer and gasped. “Took you long enough” Red grinned; he had a noodle hanging from his mouth. He sucked it up and started eating again. “Arcanine and I took the shortcut, which I was gonna tell you about before you left” Red chuckled.

    “Wow thanks” Leaf said sarcastically and stared at Red. “What do you want?” as in cue Red got up and pulled out a Pokédex from his pocket. “I took this from the old man’s lab when he wasn’t looking, you look like a smart girl and you’ll be a great trainer so you deserve this one” Red chuckled and let Leaf grabbed the Pokédex.

    “What would you tell Oak though?” Leaf asked looking down at the Pokédex, she really didn’t wanted to steal the Pokédex; but if she had too. “I mean, what would he think?”

    Red just snickered and took some more of his noodles. “I don’t care, once we’re done with his chase, he’ll be happy” Red started walking.

    “We?” Leaf asked confused, she really couldn’t think about travelling with Red for the whole journey.

    “Yep” Red smiled turning his head back. “We make a good team, you with your smart talk and courtesy and me with my charismatic talent in battle” Red smiled confidently and threw away the can of noodles. “Finally finished it.”

    *Great, my partner’s a ten year old boy that couldn’t care less about his image, spends a whole day eating a can of noodles, and ignores me most of the time, this is going to be great* she thought as she follow Red to their new adventure to get the badges.

  2. #2
    Future Mrs. Ketchum SerenaKetchum's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey to Power

    good start! I enjoyed it. Maybe work a little more on the punctuation, especially after quotes. But I like it overall!

  3. #3

    Default Re: Journey to Power

    Nice start, kid. You'll get better as you go, too. Your punctuation could use some work, though; and you seem to have a lot of run-on sentences. Don't make us cut through the forests of clauses!

    Also, for 10- and 11-year-old kids, they certainly have mouths on them.

    Keep it up! We'll be reading.

    (Also, you said Red was eleven years old, but Leaf said he was ten?)

  4. #4

    Default Re: Journey to Power

    I'll try to get better with the punctuation and the run ons.

    Also about Red's age I kinda got messed up with that although Leaf doesn't even know Red's own age anyways but she just assumed he was ten, but I'll edit it.

  5. #5
    Doc Octillery FTW VeggiePopper's Avatar
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    Default Re: Journey to Power

    Actually I like Red and Leaf to be of different ages. Since here they are separate characters and not just avatars for the same character (as it is in the game), giving them their own age makes them more singular. So, as and advice, keep Red being 11 and Leaf 10.

    What I didn't like: Leaf wanting to meet Lance sounded to me a lot like Marina, so you could change this to give more uniqueness to your girl.

    Overall, I like your retelling of the first story with the two characters traveling together. That's nice.

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  6. #6

    Default Re: Journey to Power

    Thanks, for the comment also about the Lance thing yeah I wanted Leaf to be a fan girl for him cause I was thinking of a future chapter to deal with it, also since Lance was practically the only Elite 4 member girls were actually obsessed with back then, I didn't have another option, but I guess I could change it.

    Also chapter two would be up either by this weekend or monday, since I just got out of school I'll probably have some time, although it probably won't be tommorow since I haven't started writing it, and I have a date to attend to

  7. #7
    The Ace of Aces Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Journey to Power

    This is good, I noticed some grammar errors around the whole chapter, mostly words that had missing letters, or words that didn't really fit in with the sentence.

    But otherwise it was creative, although you should still edit that last part where Leaf is saying Red's ten, also this kinda reminds me a bit of Pokemon Special you know the whole badge with secret powers, but otherwise it's realy orginal I guess, keep writing big bro.


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