TEEN: A Journey of 1000 miles
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  1. #1
    Registered User vulcan539's Avatar
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    Default A Journey of 1000 miles

    Hey everyone, I'm vulcan539, and this is my first ever fanfic. I apologise in advance for the how terrible this will be. English was my worst subject at school, and I struggled with it the entire time I was there but, I hope to improve my writing and story telling skill as time goes on.

    I'm writing this as part of my URPG story, but thought it best to post hear to get reviews and help from the community. I welcome all constructive comments and critisim.

    Chapter 1 & 2
    Chapter 3
    Chapter 4

    Chapter 1: A journey of 1000 miles

    Ever now I can remember the first time I met my Nidoking, back then it was a Nidoran.

    I was about 10 or 11 at the time and out walking one evening just thinking about what I was going to do in the coming years. Being a trainer wasn’t ever high on my list, what was though, was understanding Pokémon and more spsificly, poison typed Pokémon the world over.

    This interest in a type, which was frowned upon by everyone at school, and even my family, and generally considered weak, gross, too filthy to keep around, etc.

    This out casting and simple disregard for these Pokémon made me sad, and over time made it hard for me to feel accepted by many people. Growing up as a kid, I had only a couple of friends who while still thought it was strange that I loved the “unlovable” Pokémon, but were kind enough to not use it as an insult.

    But back to how I met him, sitting atop a small rise I watched a few Pokémon playing in the grass, as a couple flew overhead. it was here that I meet him, lying back in the grass, I felt a sharp pain in my back, jumping up and yelping in pain, and quickly feeling sick I looked to see I had unknowingly lain down on a Nidoran who had gone to sleep in my shadow, while scared, frightened feeling very sick as I processed this I ran home crying in pain as the poison was coursing throughmy back to swell up in pain.

    I looked half dead at the time according to my family, they also told me that one of my neighbours found me stumbling down the road.

    When I had come round and the effects of the poison had for the most part worn off, I was in the Celedon city hospital, my father was in the room, and still scared half ran half fell out of bed and into his arms.

    About a week later I was well enough to walk around freely without needing to sit down ever few meters. And though despite my parent’s orders not to head out to the field alone again, I did, in secret while they were at work and I was meant to be at home getting over the poison completely.

    It took longer than I ever remember it taking to get to the field, but once I was there the smell of the air, and feel of grass beneath me felt incredible.


    Sitting down atop the rise and this time cheeking where I lay down as to avoid Nidoran. As I sat there, I’m not sure how long I was there just letting the world pass me by, as I watched some Nidoran play, I felt fear and excitement, for the amount of power that the small creatures had amazed me, and it was then I knew that while I used to dream about researching them, it was now more than ever before, that understanding these Pokémon was my life goal, what I truly felt was my purpose.

    I got home later then intended, that day. When I arrived my mother was standing at the front door. I didn’t have to be told I was in trouble. Took myself to my room and closed the door behind me.

    The next few weeks went by and I was back at school and feeling like I was disconnected from the world more so than normal. Right then I didn’t want to be around people, but around the Pokémon the roamed the fields.

    The week from that point dragged on and in the time I spent alone in my room, I started thinking about what it would be like to just leave home one morning, and head towards pallet town and become Professor Oak’s assistant there. I had seen and heard on TV and radio that he had 100’s of Pokémon roaming his lab there. Over the next weeks, I planned to my escape from my family and friends, and to begin my journey to become a Pokémon researcher.

    I was stashing food under my bed, and picking what clothes to wear on the way, making sure I had spare clothing for if I got wet or dirty, rain jacket for if it started raining, and a dozen other items which in hindsight were completely pointless and just made the journey that much harder.

    The weekend came and I had manage to sneak a map from school into my bag on the way out of class that afternoon, and with that I was all set to go.

    I woke early the next morning and carried out my normal routine. Showered, had some breakfast and then that’s when things stopped being normal. I went back to my room to make my bed, once done I placed the good bye note on my pillow then picked up my pack. I took a moment to look around my room, here I felt sadness that this would be the last time I may see it, I felt sad, afraid, excited and a whole mixture of emotions, biting my lip I turned my back and started, first milestone was the front door, and a moment to take one last look at home as a tears started welling and a few moments later started running down my checks.

    I broke into a run, heading towards Pallet town and the begging of a new life.


    Chapter 2: A friend in Need

    Even in the early Saturday morning, people were awake and moving about, “maybe I should have woken earlier,” I thought to myself.

    I made my way towards the fields on the outskirts of town towards Celadon and down the Cycle Bridge and then cut across country towards Pallet town once I got to route 17. As I made my way across town easily and ‘unnoticed’ I entered the fields where I used to sit and watch the world go by.

    My eyes still red from crying but for now, they had stopped running. As I made my way across the dewy wet field I could hear kids yelling at something or someone.
    I felt fear in my gut as while I was too far off to make out what they were saying; the voices were familiar to me.

    I moved quickly towards the yelling, as I got closer to the source of the voices I recognised the voices as some of the other kids from school who have teased and bullied me over the years, but regardless I felt the need to see what they were doing, despite all my instincts telling me to run home to the safety of my bed and dreams.

    As I drew close enough to see what was happening what I believed was confirmed two of the school bullies had cornered a Pokémon against a tree and were hitting it with a stick.

    At this sight I froze, I always thought they were mean, but never did I think they would beat a Pokémon for fun. My eyes started to water as I stood frozen in place and watched this brutality against a defenceless creature.

    I’m not sure if they just got bored or heard me crying but one of them turned around and saw me standing there shocked and tears running down my checks.

    “Hey isn’t that the freaky poison kid from school?” One of them spoke,
    “ha?” said the other, mid swing, followed by a cry from the Pokémon.
    “Yeah it is,” said the first one. “Well isn’t this a pleasant surprise, we get to play with the Pokémon and the kid today.” He replied in a sickly happy tone.

    As the two kids stood there over the beaten Pokémon, I could see that it was a small Nidoran and in a moment I understood what the bullies comment had meant.

    What I did next I could not really explain, as everything inside me told me to run and save myself I did the opposite, I ran at the bullies, out of anger, sadness, hatred I’m not sure, but for a moment I took them by surprise and half charged half fell into the one without the stick as I slipped on the wet grass toppling over one another and sprawling ourselves on the ground.

    As we both got to our feet, I found myself between the Nidoran and the bullies, while outnumbered I stood my ground.
    Looking back now lots of guts, not a lot of brains in this decision, as the next thing I remember is being struck in the gut and collapsing on the cold grass before being kicked, punched and beaten for what felt like an eternity. I’m not sure if I passed out or got numb to the strikes, but what I remember is just lying there unable to move for the longest of time, a look of shock and pain attached to my face as blood ran from a split lip and blooded nose.

    I’m not sure at what point but the Nidoran that had been the first victim of their attack had crawled over and started licking my wounds, still to shocked to move, I felt its tongue against the bruises on my face.
    As I lay there motionless and scared, the feeling stared to truly return to my body, and quickly followed was the pain.
    Last edited by vulcan539; 20th April 2013 at 04:54 AM. Reason: Kyuuketsukifor's comments and critisim. Thankyou

  2. #2
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Chapters 1 & 2 Review

    Hi. Congratulations on posting your first story, and I hope you become a prominent member of these forums!

    Flashing back to the events after already establishing the end was a good route to follow. There's the bonus that the reader isn't aware of anything that will happen aside from the fact that the Nidoran becomes a Nidoking. You've managed to keep a sense of intrigue in the flashback, and it was very helpful for the story, and I suspect it to be useful in the long run, as well.

    The one thing I didn't like about your story was your main character, which is a very dangerous thing to have. An unlikeable main character can easily break the story. There's the fact that his only reason for running from home seemed to be that his parents were looking out for him. His parents did nothing wrong; all they did was forbid him from doing something that caused him harm in the past. They would say the same about playing with knives, but that doesn't mean that they misunderstand knives.

    In the end, the main character comes across as petty, and a self-entitled teenager. Of course, there is the good aspect of him running to save the Nidoran, but in the end he didn't stand up to the bullies. That would have been a great transformation for him, but all he did was run and fall, then stay on the grass and take all their hits. It's not his fault, and it's very realistic for him to be outnumbered, and overpowered, but from a story-writing perspective, he had just started his journey, and starting it with an act of weakness does not reflect on him in a good way.

    Now, the grammar and spelling aspects of the story:

    Quote Originally Posted by vulcan539 View Post
    Even now I can remember the first time I meet my Nidoking, back then it was a Nidoran.
    Should be "met". There's a common tense issue throughout the story.

    in the coming years. Being a trainer wasn't ever high on my list,
    Replace the comma after "years" with a period.

    This interest in a type, which from my days at school and even family was frowned upon, and generally considered weak, gross, to filthy to keep around, etc.
    The bolded sentence should be "which was frowned upon by everyone at my school, and even my family", and "to" should be "too".

    To: Something leading/changing to another.
    Too: An excess of something.

    But back to how I meet him, sitting atop a small rise I watch a few Pokémon playing in the grass, as a couple flew overhead. it was hear that I meet him, lying back in the grass, I felt a sharp pain in my back, jumping up and yelping in pain, and
    "Meet" should be "met", "watch" should be "watched", and "hear" should be "here". An "I" should be added before "felt", and a comma should be added after "grass".

    as I processed this I ran home crying in pain as the poison was coursing through my back to swell up in pain.
    "As" and "through" should be added.

    half ran half feel out of bed and into his arms.
    Should be "fell" instead of "feel".

    Sitting down atop the rise and this time cheeking were I lay down as to avoid Nidoran.
    Should be "where".

    as I watch some Nidoran play,
    "Watched".

    I knew that while I use to dream about researching them
    "Used".

    Taking myself to my room and closed the door behind me.
    "I took" instead of "taking".

    Right now I didn’t want to be around people, but around the Pokémon the roamed the fields.
    "Then" instead of "now".

    The week from that point on dragged on and in the time I spent alone in my room, I started thinking about what it would be like to just leave home one morning,
    Remove the first "on", and add "would" between "it" and "be".

    Over the next weeks, I planned to my escape from my family and friends
    Should have a comma after "weeks".

    making sure I had spear clothing for if I got wet or dirty, rain jacket for if it started raining, and a dozen other items witch in hindsight were completely pointless and just made the journey that much harder.
    "Spare" instead of "spear", and "witch" instead of "which".

    hear I felt sadness that this would be the last time I may see it, I felt sad, afraid, existed
    "Here". And "existed" should be "and excited".

    Evening in the early Saturday morning, people were awake
    Not sure what you meant here, but maybe replace "evening" with "even"?

    As I made my way across town easily and, unnoticed, I entered the fields where I use to sit and watch the world go by.
    Should have commas surrounding "unnoticed", and "use" should be replaces by "used".

    As I made my way across the dew wet field
    Should be "dewy".

    in my gut as wile I was too far
    "While".

    as I got closers to the source
    Unnecessary "S"; should just be "closer".

    and were hitting it with a stick.
    Missing "it".

    At this site I froze
    "Sight"

    I understood what the bullies' comment had meant.
    Add "what" after "understood", and an apostrophe after "bullies". Since it is their comment, and they are more than one, there should be an apostrophe.

    I could not really explain
    Missing "not".

    half charged half feel into the one without the stick
    Should be "fell".

    Also, when the bullies were speaking, their dialogue should broken into lines for each new person speaking. As I said before, the majority of these are tense issue, but with some revision and added length and description, your story has the potential to be a great one.

  3. #3
    Registered User vulcan539's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Journey of 1000 miles

    Thankyou Kyuuketsukifor the comments and critisim. Once I have some time this afternoon, I'll go over and fix the problems you have pointed out.
    Once again, thankyou.

  4. #4
    Registered User vulcan539's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Journey of 1000 miles

    Chapter 3: The first steps are the hardest


    Sobbing into the wet grass as a Nidoran licked my sores, I must have looked ridiculous to anyone that may have happened upon me, but I’m glad they didn’t.

    I don’t know how long I just lay there sobbing, and I must have spent even longer wondering whether it was the pain or anger that had immobilised me, but none of that mattered in the long run.

    When I final found it in me to pick myself up, the Nidoran was still there, in its eyes I saw fear, pain and sadness and worry. I reached a hand out to it.

    He backed away at my actions, not in fear, but with worry. From my books and listing to Professor Oak’s talk show, I believed that this wasn’t fear of being harmed, but more that it didn’t want to harm me. Though looking back now it might have been a look of disgust.

    “Its okay” I spoke quietly and as calmly as I could give in the situation. And once again, I held out my hand to it.

    The same look was still in its eyes, but this time it didn’t reel away, and half crawled, half dragged itself towards my hand. It didn’t take a genius to know that he’d been seriously injured and needed help now. Reaching out a bit more to the Pokémon, I was able to place my hand on its head, being careful to avoid the spines.

    It tried to move away as my hand touched it, but its injury’s prevented his from moving enough to help it.

    Rolling over and pushing myself to my knees, I could now feel the pain from the bruises that must cover my body. I opened my bag, and found a jumper, holding it in both hands I leant down and wrapped the Nidoran in my jumper, it struggled to get away at first but after a few minutes it stopped.

    His breathing was weak, even now remembering this makes me sad, and back then my tears flowed freely.

    “It will be okay Nidoran, I promise just don’t give up.” I cried as I ran towards Celedon city.

    As I ran, many things ran through my mind, the two biggest ones were if Nidoran was going to be alright, and secondly what if someone from town or worse yet, my parents found the note and were waiting for me in Celedon.

    “You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, just trust me.” I don’t know how many times I said that to him as I ran that day.


    By the time I reached the Pokémon centre I had been running for the better part of the day, the light and warmth of the centre overwhelmed me, the sudden relief that my friend would now be safe in the hands of Nurse Joy filled me.

    Steeping throught the doors and running up to the counter breathlessly I manage to get out “heeelp…niido…ran, please Nurse… Joy.”

    I never saw her reaction but her response was enough to tell me that bringing him here was the right thing to do.

    I was exhausted, sore and probably looked just as bad as I felt.
    As I sat in the corner of the Pokémon centre I waited in worry for Nurse Joy to tell me how Nidoran was doing. As time went on and the sun set on the first day of my new life, amidst the events of the day I smiled at what I felt inside as I never thought it was possible to worry about anther living thing that much till that day.

    I woke early the next morning, slumped over the table I was sitting at the night before. Looking around it took me a moment to remember where I was and why I was there, and as soon as I did I was up and across to the reception desk.

    At the counter this time was a young girl, and not the smiling face of Joy I expected.

    The girl just smiled at the look on my face and asked “Are you the young man who brought the Nidoran in yesterday afternoon?”

    “Ah, yes. Yes I am.” I replied, “howihewillhebealrightcanIseehim? I spoke, faster than I thought. Catching my breath, I repeated myself, this time slower and more easily understood
    “How is he? Will he be alight and when can I see him? I asked.

    “Your Nidoran is currently in the recovery room, from the report given to me by Nurse Joy, he will recover but we can’t release him till this evening or tomorrow morning at the earliest.” She replied, her words setting my mind at ease, and tears once more welled up, I was glad for these tears as they were ones of happiness, not worry and fear.

    I spent the better part of the morning pacing the lobby, of the Pokémon centre. My thoughts were a mixture of Pokémon, home, my journey, destinations I’ve made, and the bullies from school.

    As the morning dragged on the receptionist spoke from her seat “Pacing the lobby won’t help your Nidoran, and it won’t help you ether.” She said kindly, but with an undertone of irritation. “Why don’t you go for a walk around the city, clear you head. Some air might do you well.”

    “Oh, sorry.” I mumbled. Looking out the window of the centre I saw the hustle and bustle of city life, frowning at the thought of wondering the city alone.

    Walking the streets, more because it was suggested than what I wanted to do, the cramped unfeeling atmosphere of the city started to get to me and about an hour later I made my way back to the centre, my head still not clear of thoughts and worry. Head dropped and hands in pockets as I approached the centre, looking up to check if I could cross the road I noticed that there were a few more people inside now, while I couldn’t make out any faces, I noticed the blue police uniform worn by the Kanto’s police departments.

    Quickly crossing the road and entering the centre to see what was going on.

    Standing inside I overheard the police officer talking to the receptionist about an event that had happened in my home town the following morning. At this comment I froze, my mind went crazy jumping to the conclusion that my parents had contacted police that I had run away.
    With thoughts of what would happen if I was found, ranged from the reasonable to the outright ridiculous. Deciding what to do on the spot I awkwardly shuffled to a seat near the door that faced away from the officer, this quite frankly was incredibly suspicious. As I sat down the receptionist must have noticed this, and pointed towards in my direction.

    Now I feared more than ever that my journey would be over before it had begun.

    Awkwardly frozen in a half shuffle, run, steep as the officer approached me. “Excuse me son, but are you Vulcan Miridith, from Hollygrove town?” he said in an authoritive tone.

    “I, ah, ye…NO!” I said, stumbling my words before yelling the last one. I’m pretty sure my face gave away my lie, and the look on the officers was telling me what I already believed.

    He placed a hand on my shoulder and lifted a flyer which had a picture of me and the words; Wanted for questioning regarding the resent reports of Pokémon beatings in the Celedon City and Hollygrove area.

    Reading this my jaw dropped, I just froze up inside, unable to speak or think, or even stand for that matter, as a moment later my legs gave out and I just fell to my knees, grasping at the flyer in my hands.
    Last edited by vulcan539; 11th April 2013 at 08:24 AM. Reason: Kyuuketsukifor's comments and critisim. Thankyou

  5. #5
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Journey of 1000 miles

    There was definitely some improvement from the last two chapters. The story flows better, while it was very disjointed in the past. Congratulations on that!

    I thought your portrayal of the Nidoran was very good; you managed to convey his emotions to the reader, as well as Vulcan's perception of it. Considering the Nidoran will be a main character, as Vulcan is supposed to get a Nidoking in the end, you managed to create a compelling and interesting character in such short paragraphs, and I hope his character develops just as nicely.

    Moving to the events in Celadon City, it did seem neglectful of Vulcan to not leave the Nidoran at first, as he noted that his family might be there, and leaving the city after dropping Nidoran would have been safer for him, but he stayed. Then he goes to the Pokémon Center, even though the police were there. The reason for him not going away, and it is something that you mentioned, is that he cared about the Nidoran more than he has ever cared about anything else. Going back to my first review, this character development was great for Vulcan, and it shows that there might still be some hope for his character.

    Now, to the boring aspects of my review:

    Quote Originally Posted by vulcan539 View Post
    and I must have spent even longer wondering weather it was the pain or anger that had immobilised me, but none of that matter in the long run.
    "Weather" should be "whether", and "matter" should be "mattered".

    but its injury’s prevented it from moving enough to help it.
    Should be "his".

    Steeping thought the doors and running up to the counter breathlessly I manage to get out
    "Through".

    I never saw her reaction but her response was enough to tell me that bringing him hear was the right thing to do.
    "Here".

    and the sun setting on the first day of my new life,
    Should be "set".

    but we can’t realise him till this evening or tomorrow morning
    "Release".

    “Oh, sorry.” I mumbled. Looking out the window of the centre I saw the hausel and busel of city life, frowning at the thought of wondering the city alone.
    Should be "hustle and bustle", and "wondering" should become "wandering".

    Walking the streets, more because it was suggested then what I wanted to do, the cramped unfeeling atmosphere of the city start to get to me
    "Then" should be "than", and "start" should be "started".

    Aw I sat down the receptionist must have noticed this, and pointed towards in my direction.
    "As".

    “Excuse me son, but are you Vulcan Miridith, from Hollygrove town?” I said in an authoritive tone.
    Should be "he".

    He placed a hand on my shoulder and lifted a flyer witch had a picture of me and the words;
    Not "witch", but "which".

    Reading this my jaw dropped, I just froze up in side, unable to speak or think, or even stand for that matter, as a moment later my legs gave out and I just feel to my knees, grasping at the flyer in my hands.
    "Inside" should be one word, and "feel" should be "fell".

    You should probably proofread your chapter before posting it, and if you already do that, then read it over more than once, and check the spelling of certain words, as they can sound like other words.

  6. #6
    Registered User vulcan539's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Journey of 1000 miles

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyuuketsuki View Post
    There was definitely some improvement from the last two chapters. The story flows better, while it was very disjointed in the past. Congratulations on that!

    I thought your portrayal of the Nidoran was very good; you managed to convey his emotions to the reader, as well as Vulcan's perception of it. Considering the Nidoran will be a main character, as Vulcan is supposed to get a Nidoking in the end, you managed to create a compelling and interesting character in such short paragraphs, and I hope his character develops just as nicely.
    That's the nicest things anyone has ever said about my writing.

  7. #7
    Registered User vulcan539's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Journey of 1000 miles

    Chapter 4:

    The weight of everything that had happened in the last couple of days, this just broke me, mentally and emotionally.

    What happen next is all a bit fussy; I remember being pulled to my feet and walked somewhere. By the time the shock of everything had started to fade I remember being in a small, back room of the Pokémon centre, the officer who had shown me the flyer was sitting across from me. I took a few moments to really understand what was going on.

    I’m guessing he noticed that I was coming down from my shock and pushed a small cup of something hot towards me, I nodded my thanks to him and just held it staring into the liquid.

    Maybe I hoped I would fall into it and be enveloped by its warmth and just wake up in my bed as if this was some surreal nightmare, trying to tell me not to leave in the morning.

    He cleared his throat and I was snapped out of my thoughts and brought crashing back into reality a moment later.

    “As you know I’m here looking into the report of Pokémon abuse in the area.” he spoke. “We have here (he motions to the poster and file) a report stating that you were physically harming Pokémon and attacking other people who were trying to stop you, outside Hollygrove city.”
    “And a second witness claims to have seen you running in the direction of Celedon City.”

    As he explained the situation and why I was being questioned, I felt cold inside.

    “Have you anything to say in your defence?” He asked.

    I didn’t know what to say, I bit my tongue to hold back an incoherent mass of words as I tried to think of what to say, I was confused to say the least.

    As the moment passed and my thoughts somewhat collected I spoke “I didn’t harm that Nidoran. I was protecting it.” I began; there was little emotion in my voice as I told the officer about the previous day. I’m not sure what he though, my head was down and I might as well have spoken to the drink that was cold by the time I had finished my version of the events.

    The officer asked a few more question about parts of my statement, and by the time the questioning had finished it felt late and I was exhausted.

    I was allowed to leave the room, but was warned not to leave the city till I heard word from the police. That didn’t bother me to much as I had no intention of leaving till Nidoran was better.

    Walking out into the lobby, I had to shield my eyes for a few seconds as my eyes adjusted to the bright afternoon sun. Looking around the centre was busier than the previous day and seemed like there were more trainers then towns people.

    Finding myself a corner seat, I sat back and watched the sun hang low in the sky, and waited for news about Nidoran.

    As the afternoon went on and the sun set behind the city skyline, trainers were settling in for the night, some keep to themselves while others spoke freely about their journeys.

    As the evening slipped into night I checked with the receptionist a few times about Nidoran, but every time was the same, he was still injured and needed time.

    A couple of trainers asked about Nidoran over the night, and I told them a brief overview (not mentioning the fact he was beaten) of what happened. They offered their wishes, and I thanked them. It felt good to hear others offer support for Nidoran, it helped with my rather depressed feelings I had.

    It was about 9 o’clock and I was getting ready to curl up to sleep on the seat I had occupied early that evening, when the receptionist came over. I sat up from my make shift bed and looked up at her.

    She took a seat at the chair across from me, “Is this about Nidoran?” I asked, the excitement of news was under toned with tiredness.

    “No, there won’t be any change till at least tomorrow morning.” She replied.

    “O? Then why did you come over here? I asked more coldly then intended.

    “To see how you are” She said. “You came in two nights ago and you are still hear waiting, and the situation you’ve got you self in with the police, its, er interesting to say the least.”

    “O, yeah I guess you could say that, but exhausting would be the word I’d choose.” I yawned.

    We spoke for a while about what had happened, and then started talking about ourselves. I found out her name is Jasmine, and she was working at the centre as part of her training to be a Pokémon doctor. And I told her about my dream of becoming the poison Pokémon trainer/researcher.

    Time went on and it was close to midnight when we finally said our good byes.

    I enjoyed her company, even if our first exchange earlier that day was a bit cold and topped with me being accused of Pokémon abuse.

    As I lay down to sleep I was still worried about Nidoran and the police, thought despite this I felt at ease with the situation, it was the first time since I left I felt this way and I knew it wouldn’t be long till I was on my way.

    I woke with the sun the following morning, a bit sore but at least I felt better about things. Sitting up with sleep still in my eyes, leaning on the window and watching light filter thought the grey of the city.
    I couldn’t wait to see Nidoran again, if Jasmine was correct he should be free today. Sitting down for breakfast I saw many of the trainers in various stages of the morning routine. Some cleaning, others feeding there Pokémon.

    Watching the trainers around me, I felt like I had failed in some way because the only Pokémon I had ever cared about had spent the weekend in a Pokémon center trying to recover from its wounds.

    As I walked around and watch trainers caring for their Pokémon and there Pokémon caring for them in return, I wished that someday I would have Pokémon that I could sheer a relationship like that with.

    As the trainers started to leave I went up to the receptionist, seeing it wasn't Jasmine I frowned slightly, but asking about Nidoran.
    Her reply was hurried, but it still brought a smile to my face. A last couple of check-ups from Nurse Joy and I’d get to see my friend again.
    About an hour later once the morning rush had started dying down, the receptionist called me over a few minutes before Nurse Joy came out pushing a small stretcher.

    Running over to her as she came over, and nearly falling over myself. For the first time in nearly two days I saw my friend. I reached out to pick him up and hold him in my arms, but hesitated for a moment looking up at Joy. She smiled sweetly and I gently picked up the small Pokémon and cradled it in my arms.

    As I held it close tears ran down my cheeks, while I was able to sit and think about everything the day before, the overwhelming worry clung to me. Now all the weight and emotions I had been carrying since I arrived here had been lifted and I was truly relieved that he was going to be alright.

  8. #8
    Registered User vulcan539's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Journey of 1000 miles

    Over all wasn't to happy with chapter 4, and I'm thinking about rewriting some parts of it.
    Anyways C&C is welcome :)

  9. #9
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    Default Re: A Journey of 1000 miles

    Chapter 5: Detour

    Nidoran shifted in my arms its small body was wrapped in bandages, and I knew it was still healing but at least we were together again.

    I looked back at Nurse Joy my eyes watering and wearing a smile on my face.

    “Thankyou Nurse Joy, thankyou for taking care of him.”

    “It’s okay, I’m just glad you brought him hear.” She spoke softly. “Now I know you have been told to remain in the city until the police have finished with their investigation, but I know you wouldn’t do such a thing to a Pokémon.”

    She paused and I held my breath, “So I phoned them and explained the situation to Officer Jenny, and she has removed you as a suspect in the case.”

    I stood and smiled at Joy, not knowing what to say to her I just stood there. As words formed I looked down to Nidoran and spoke “Did you hear that, were free to go.”

    “I have a few questions I want to ask before you leave.” She said

    “O? Okay?” I reply, slightly confused but not worried.

    “Are you heading to Prof Oak’s lab to be a trainer?”

    “Ah yes, yes I am heading there, but to see if I can be his assistant.” I replied. “I want to become a Pokémon research, manly poison types.” I replied excitedly.

    “O? That’s a great goal” she started, “but I don’t think he’ll take you in if you just show up at his door.” “Being a researcher takes more than just having a wish to be one, I’m not trying to put you off, I think you could make a fine researcher in the future. But it’s going to take a long time to reach your goal and books will only teach you so much.”

    As she spoke I took in every word she spoke, it was hear it hit me that my plain to just show up at his door was stupid. I felt lost, disconnected for a moment before I spoke “Then what should I do Nurse Joy?”

    She smiled, and asked me to follow her.

    She went behind the desk were the phone was and dialled a number. The phone rang and a few seconds later the screen flickered on and there on the screen was professor Oak.

    “Good Morning Joy, it’s been awhile, how have things been?” the Professor spoke.

    “Things have been good professor.” Joy replied.

    I just stood there awestruck that the real professor Oak was there on the screen talk to Joy who called him with me standing right there behind her.

    “Now Professor I have a young man hear with me, who’s looking to start his Pokémon journey today.” Joy continued as I just stood there freaking out behind her holding Nidoran.

    “He came in a few days ago with an injured Nidoran on his way to see you from Hollygrove town, and has refused to leave until he recovered.” She explained the events from her view and my initial plain, to the professor.

    As this was happening I was freaked out even more then before and was going bright red from embarrassment.

    “I see, now that you mention this, I did get a call from Officer Jenny in Celeadon City about a runway boy. I can see that boy was you, correct? He asked me directly.

    I stood there mouth agape for a moment before stammering “I..ah,ye…yes, yes that is me.”

    “I’m sure your parents will be happy to hear you are safe, and I reckon you should call them and let them know yourself. But back to the reason why this call was made.” He paused before continuing. “From what Nurse Joy has told me, I can see you really care about Pokémon and that’s evident with your Nidoran your hold there. But being a researcher takes more than just caring for Pokémon you need to learn to understand them and that’s something you can only learn by being with them.”

    I looked down at Nidoran as he spoke and smiled.

    “What I propose to you is this, come visit me hear in Pallet town and I can register you as a Pokémon trainer, give you a pokedex and my assistant Tracy can show you some of what it’s like to be a Pokémon researcher. How does that sound?” As he finished I nearly dropped Nidoran out of shock.

    I steady my hold on Nidoran and closed my mouth, at this moment I was a wash with feelings, manly of embracement and excitement, but also fear and wonder.

    “It sounds great!” I proclaimed, perhaps a little louder than intended but I was too happy to care.

    ~An hour earlier~

    It was cool morning, there were clouds drifting lazily in the sky and the smells of the park with an under smell of the city drifted on the breeze.

    It felt good to be out of a stuffy class room and strolling through the gardens (even if I was on the way to work) always put a smile on my face, reaching into her bag she pulled out a Poke’ ball.

    Throwing the ball into the air, as it opened it a white light the shape of her beloved Pidgey formed, before she swooped down and landed on her outstretched arm.

    She stroked her head witch she still loves her doing. And then raised her arm as she took off to spread her wings and play with the other Pidgy in the park.

    As she walked thought the park she wondered about the boy she meet and his Nidoran and weather it was feeling better.

    As she approached the pokecentre she could see that the morning rush of trainers and other people had died down, all leaving early to carry on their journeys or attended to more settled lives.

    As she entered the centre Pidgy had taken perch on her head, but was startled and flapped her wings to keep from falling, at a load yet excited outburst from behind the counter.

    Walking behind the desk to see what was going on, she saw Nurse Joy and a young boy holding a Nidorna in his arms, standing perhaps a little close to the phone display screen. The look of excitement spread across his face.

    “Morning joy” she sang myself and joy both turned our heads.

    “Morning Jasmine” Joy replied.

    “Morning” I said cheerily.

    “Jasmine, can you retrieve 6 unused pokeballs from the back please.” Joy spoke, before returning to the professor.

    “Sorry professor, now that we have Vulcan hear as a registered Pokémon trainer, I have one more thing to ask. Jasmine is coming to the end of her in class trainer to become a Pokémon doctor and I was wondering if she would be able to come down and assist you and your assistant with the grass Pokémon for a few weeks while we come into winter.”

    “That sounds like a great idea, feel free to let her know right away.”

    A loud crash came from somewhere in Oak's lab and he looked over his shoulder before
    “I must be going now, I'll see you and Jasmin soon then, bye.” He said hurriedly and with a look of concern on his face.

    jasmine came back a few minattes after the call ended.

    “I’ve got the pokeballs Joy.” Jasmin said

    “Ah, thank you Jasmin.” “Now Vulcan, you are about to set out on your Pokémon journey and you will need these” she said gesturing towards the pokeballs in Jasmines hands.

    “Hear you go” Jasmin spoke holding them out to me.

    I picked one up and held in in my hand. It’s cold metal surface felt good beneath my hands, at that moment I felt like I could take on the world.

    “Jasmin, there is something I have to ask you.” Joy spoke

    “What is it Joy?” Jasmin replied quizzically.

    “Now that you are at the end of your Pokémon doctor classes, I’ve asked professor oak if he would mind have you help out at his lab in Pallet town as we head into winter.”

    Jasmins jaw hit the flow, and the look of excitement spread across her face.

    “I would love to!” she cried jumping in excitement.

  10. #10
    Registered User vulcan539's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Journey of 1000 miles

    Interlude

    “Nidoking! Beedrill! Hyperbeam!” Two bright lights streaked across the flame swept ground before striking there target and sending shockwaves from their point of impact.

    “Numel! Flame thrower, right!” A white hot spurt of flame spewing more devastation as it washed over the building.

    At their head a young boy stands, his anger, rage was blinding him, his Pokémon could feel it and so can I.

    The air is hot, nearly unbearable. At the boys feet lay the remains of a collapsed building and burning embers and derbies rain down around him.

    “Xatu!” He called, his head turned towards me, his face etched with rage, and voice of determination lined with anger.

    “Xatu! Is this it?”

    I hear a response from a mouth that is not mine.

    He calls out again, “Nidoking, Beedrill & Numel hold the line hear. Xatu, teleport.”

    The world shimmers. The anger subsides, I feel compelled.

    Stepping forward off my perch and jump for a moment of free fall before the world shimmers once more.

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