The Jejemon! (Chapter Five)

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    Default The Jejemon! (Chapter Five)

    ...Introduction...


    Hello guys, I'm not quite sure if you know what's jejemon means but I will explain it anyway.

    Jejemon is derived from the words "Jeje" which is a slang word for "hehe" and pokemon. It was first used in sending a message and it was a style on writing words.

    Confused? Here's a example:

    +h1$ 1$ w4+ j3j3m0n 700k 77yk
    [Translation: This is what a jejemon look like]

    ...The Story (Still introduction)...


    On the town called "Jejetown" where all people and pokemon live peacefully. They don't quarrel. No one steal nor kill. All it has is peace.

    One day, as the people and pokemon celebrate, there was a sudden minor earthquake happens which cause a great mess in the Jejetown. There was a great broadcast that there will be a great disaster happen in that town which caused the people to panic! Most of them already packed their belongings just to prepare on that "disaster".

    One of the people of Jejetown, which is called jejemon, was Craig Jejeman. Together with his bestfriend, Shroomish, called Jejemish, will investigate what caused the "disaster". As they continue the path, they will meet different people, different pokemon and different villian. Let see what will be the ending of this Jejemon together with his pokemon.

    .............................


    CHAPTER ONE


    "Wake up, Craig!" a sweet voice, coming from the kitchen, wakes the sleeping boy, wearing nothing but a green boxer shirt and lying on a king sized bed with a weird letters written that no one can understand.

    His natural brown eyes opens with a great flash. Today is another day for him and his best friend, Jejemish. Without any second pass, he sends Jejemish out from its pokeball and hug it.

    Before the story flow, let me introduce this boy with the name of Craig. Craig Jejeman is a fifteen year old ,yet not matured, guy and to win all against the people of Jejetown and become the Jejemaster.

    "Jejemish, today we will beat another 20 youngster!" he said to his best friend. Jejemish spin as the sign of agreement. After wearing his casual dress, a green, body fit t-shirt with magnemite and shroomish print at the beck and a olive jogging pants with slashed-mark design, they go down to eat breakfast.

    "So Craig, how many trainers are you planning to defeat?" said by his mom as she put their usual break on the table.

    "Well, I'm planning to defeat twenty... no twenty five!" he said as he eat his breakfast, a fried egg with garlic bread.

    Mama smile. Ever since Craig was a child, she already knew that her son have potential to be a Jejemaster, just like his dad who also won a tournament.

    After finishing his breakfast, Craig hurriedly brush his teeth, kiss his mama and go out with his shroomish.

    "Jejemish use Spore then Sludge bomb!" excitedly Craig said. Jejemish indeed follow as it released spores from its head and later a purple orb. The opponents pokemon faint in just a single blow. "Horray, Jejemish! We did it!" he says as he hug his pokemon.

    Suddenly, there was a flash of light appeared from the body of Jejemish! It's evolving! Craig, who was shocked, smiled and hug his best friend even more, as a sign of thank you being good to him.

    Jejemish, now Jejeloom, use another sludge beam after they encounter another trainer with a Milotic. The opponent's milotic suffered from pain and later lost if conscious. They win another match again and only five more trainer to go.

    "You're a good trainer! What's your name?" the man said with white cloak and blue hair.
    "I'm Craig Jejeman, the future Jejemaster!" he proudly said.
    The man smile. "My name is Wallace and I'm a Jejementor. If you want, you can live under my wings as I teach you more tactics on battle"

    To be continue...
    Last edited by menametlg; 4th February 2011 at 08:22 PM.

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    Default Re: The Jejemon!

    Quote Originally Posted by menametlg View Post
    "Wake up, Craig!" a sweet voice, coming from the kitchen, wakes the sleeping boy, wearing nothing but a green boxer short and lying on a king sized bed with Jejemon language, that nobody cant understand, written.
    His natural brown eyes was open with a great flash. Today was another day from him and his bestfriend, Jejemish. Without any seconds past, he send out Jejemish and hug it.
    Ow, before I start, let me introduce him. He is Craig Jejeman, a fifteen year old boy, yet unmatured, who dream to be beat all the jejemon trainer and become the "King of All Jejemon Trainer".
    Yeah, chapter length, spacing, and grammar all need work. Also, that blue part should probably come first in the story instead of at the end.

    It needs work, but I do really like how everything has "jeje" worked in.

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    Default Re: The Jejemon!

    Quote Originally Posted by menametlg View Post

    Jejemon? Really? TwT

    YuP.. +h4+'5 r3@77y @ j3j3m0n.. xD..

    Now for the uninspiring critiques..

    Bad gramming. lame grammar intended

    As you can see, the ones in red have wrong grammar. (Like what Ultra Pidgeot said)

    The one in violet, well.. let's just say it's not a real word.

    "King of all Jejemon Trainer"? How about just the Jejemaster?

    Also, please make the chapter a bit longer. Like using character spacing and such things that can make it look longer but it actually isn't lol.

    Oh yeah, I really like how you emphasize the j3j3m0n of the p3op735.. xD
    Keep it up~ I'll be waiting for the next chapter.
    Last edited by jira-chan; 19th January 2011 at 04:30 AM. Reason: red.. *facepalm*
    I'm your plain Pokemon addict. I like making new friends, so I like to chat with new people.. mostly. :3

    STAND UP.. for what is RIGHT.. be BRAVE.. get ready to FIGHT.. hold on.. we're FRIENDS FOR LIFE.. and if we come.. together as one.. complete the QUESTS we've begun.. we will WIN THE BATTLE.. Pokemon!


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    Default Re: The Jejemon!

    ok sorry for my grammar guys :) I'm not actually good in English [due to the fact that Im not a kind of people who didn't think before posting, LOL!)

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    Default Re: The Jejemon! (Error edited and longer chapter one)

    First off, since you edited your chapter one..

    I've seen a Mary Sue Character.. It's CRAIG JEJEMAN! I mean, I really don't care about the battle point of things.. but getting defeated by a single blow, and then evolving after one battle? Like, is that Pokemon ultra Powerful already? And, you're speeding up the story. It is longer, but you skipped right ahead of the story.. I was really expecting to see some, idk.. longer chapters before the evolution and the jejementor, but I guess you did improve. ^^"

    Please don't do Mary Sues, not a request, but just a suggestion. Mary Sues make the story look.. plain and boring. Make your character lose some battles, and train some more for a rematch, stuff like that. Make it more.. realistic.

    Still work on your grammar, it's getting a bit better. (Plus, if this were Tagalog, oh man could I really imagine such a thing like this!!!)

    You really don't need to edit your first chapter anymore, but if you can, please just use these ideas for the second chapter. I hope this was helpful, since I really don't know how to do these kind of things..

    :) Hope that helped, and given you an idea for the next chapter. I've already thought of one, lol... xD ^^;
    I'm your plain Pokemon addict. I like making new friends, so I like to chat with new people.. mostly. :3

    STAND UP.. for what is RIGHT.. be BRAVE.. get ready to FIGHT.. hold on.. we're FRIENDS FOR LIFE.. and if we come.. together as one.. complete the QUESTS we've begun.. we will WIN THE BATTLE.. Pokemon!


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    Default Re: The Jejemon! (Error edited and longer chapter one)

    @jira- well thanks for the suggestion :) anyway you can wait for the chapter three since the main story starts on it [as i plan]

    CHAPTER TWO



    "No thanks" Craig proudly refuse as he hug his Jejeloom. "I believe that I can win in every battles without any mentors that teach me some strategies!"

    Wallace smile. Since the start, he already knew that Craig is the son of his best friend, David Craig, which is now out of sight. Like his father, Craig also have self-confidence and pride. This child also have a potential to be the next Jejemaster because it defeated his newly-evolved Milotic.

    "If that so, then it's fine but once you change your mind, you can contact me" Wallace said as he took a piece of cardboard with winggull mark on it from his wallet and give it to him. "Good luck, Craig!". Without any thought, Wallace send out a Swana out of its pokeball and command it to fly him.

    "Wow Craig, you beat 31 trainers without any loss? Another record!" mom proudly said is she prepares some moonlight cakes. Tonight, there will be a "Lunar Festival" in the Mt. J3j3m00n [Moon] where they believe the life was first created.

    "Yes, mom! And thanks to the battle earlier, Jejemish evolved!" he proudly said as he interpret how the battle goes on.

    Mama smiles as she put the cakes in the basket before they go out.

    "Mama, let me carry that!" Craig volunteered as he send out Jejeloom out to protect them as they go on. Mama agrees with a smile and continue their way to the Mt. J3j3m00n.

    "What was that!"

    All of them automatically turn their body to the place where the crackle came from. They found nothing but an Absol who stares on them. Since the old time, Absol was know for being the "Disaster Pokemon", thus, most pokemon hate it.

    Before they could even make a single move, the Absol vanished with an extreme speed. They just shrugged their shoulders before they decide to continue their way and forget about absol.

    As usual, in every festival, pokemon battle is always in so Craig decided to join.

    "I choose you, Cyndaquil, use swift"
    "Mightyena, dodge it then use Sand-Attack!"

    As the battle flows, Craig is currently watching the stars in the sky. Despite being a teenager already, Craig cannot help but to cry because he missed his father so much.

    His father, David Craig, died from accident when he was still a ten years old. It was the reason why he want to become the Jejemaster since it was the last request before he lost his last breathe.

    He wiped his tears that begun to sneak down and look to the sky once more. When he was a child, his father use to tell him that one of those beautiful stars in the sky is your beloven one. Every time he feel sad, he just gazed at the stars since it reminds him to his father.

    "Craig, its now your turn" Mama said.

    Craig wipe his tears once more and gazed at the stars before he go to the battlefield.

    "I choose you, Jejeloom!"
    The opponent sends a Lunatone out which makes to battle more. Before the opponent can think what move to use, his already command the mushroom pokemon to use spores and focus punch.

    The spores makes the lunatone to sleep. IT is also enough time for Jejeloom to prepare its focus punch. It was successfully hit and make the lunatone faint!

    "Congratulations to-" the Emcee was interrupt with the sudden shake of the ground. There's an earthquake!

    Everyone panic and grab their baskets. Some return their pokemon back to their pokeballs but Craig stays calm since he knew that his earthquake is minor only and no need to panic.

    Just like he said, it was only a minor quake but it still affects the festival and caused all the Jejemon people to go to their home early even though the fireworks display is not et started.

    To be continue...
    Last edited by menametlg; 4th February 2011 at 08:21 PM.

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    Default Re: The Jejemon! (Chapter Three)

    It show time! Here's the chapter three

    CHAPTER THREE



    Craig was awaken by the little chattering he heard downstairs. He stares at the clock. It's still five AM. How unusual to have guest in that early time.

    Out of his curiosity, he go under his bed to look on the small hole he secretly made when he still nine. On that hole, he can clearly see what's going downstairs and currently, his mother is talking with someone, wearing a white cloak.

    "O yeah, it was the man yesterday with the name of Wallace" he said "What he doing here?"

    Thinking about the offer yesterday, perhaps Wallace is asking permission to his mom if mom will allow him to become his [Craig] mentor. But that's impossible since his mom knew that he can train his pokemon and also his mom seems like worried for something. What's going on?

    He let another minute passed before he decided to go back to his bed and lay down. He was sure that his mother willer tell him about their conversation.
    He sigh. Yesterday, his battle was ruined and it was all because of the minor quake! It was his first chance to win the competition since 15 is the official age where a trainer can battle in a competition.

    For the past five years, he did nothing but to trainer Jejeloom, when he was still a Jejemish. Jejemish was a preatsent from his father during his ten birthday and that is why Jejeloom is special to him.

    Two hours later...

    Craig was again awaken by the little protest from his tummy, asking for food. As usual, he will send Jejeloom out before he even take his first breathe after he wake up. They go down later.

    The atmosphere seems unusual when the reach the first floor of their house. Where was his mother? He open the refrigerator, searching for something he can eat. He found a half dozen of Moonlight cake that was left-over last night. He took two out and give the other one to Jejeloom.

    Jejeloom instantly finish eating the cake and asks him to go out but his mind doesn't agree which is unusual. Seems like he just want to watch the television all day.

    Jejeloom was disappoint but still agree to his trainer. Craig open the television. Currently, the JejeTV Channel 12 is broadcasting about the incident last night which ruin the Moonlight Festival. Craig continue to watch since it got his nerve.

    As the news continue, there was a sudden report from the Jejetorn Disaster Investigator or the JDI. They said that there was a disaster last night in other town. The Swordsword City got flooded from the unknown reason. In the Hipster Town there was a hailstorm which is never happens before and in Fliptop Town, there was a sandstroms.

    "It's horrible! The vegetable raised their price about 50%". The one talking is his Mama who came from the market to supply their food. "And the canned goods raised their priced by 100%!"
    "Mama have you heard the news? About the Swordsword City, the Fliptop Town and the Hipster town?"

    "Yes child, it was indeed horrible!" his mama said, coming from the kitchen. "Anyway, no plan to battle other trainer?"

    Craig agrees and dsay goodbye to his mama before going out.

    "You're the strongest trainer in J3?e 1 St., wasn't you?" a woman wearing a blue tube and a blue skirt with bangle on his left foot. "I challenge you!"

    Craig smiled. "Fine since I will, definitely, win!" he said as he send out Jejeloom from iteds spherical cage.

    The woman smiled. "Not so fast child! I'm Phoebe of Mt. Pyre and I will be your first lost! Go Banette!"

    Coming from pokeball, a black, humanoid pokemon with zipper on its mouth came out. Before Craig could command a attack, the Marionette pokemon released a two red spherical orb that burns the mushroom pokemon!

    The grass-fighting struggle with pain. "Damn it! Jejeloom, use leech seed!"

    The pokemon indeed follow and released a couple of seed that plant on the opponent's pokemon. Banetter suffered as he lost health, same as breloom.

    "Now, Jejeloom, use spores!"

    Breloom released white spores from its head and hit the doll pokemon. But, alas, it doesn't have any effect!

    Phoebe laugh. "Don't you know, Craig, that Banette will never sleep, thanks to its insomia! Now, it my turn! Banette, use curse!"

    Banette released a couple of black ribbon from its back and later wrap the right arm of breloom. Breloom struggles even more, thanks to the two status that given to him!

    "Damn, Jejeloom, use Giga Drain!"

    Breloom released a group of green, whip-like rays from its back. It later attack Banette and absorb its HP. Breloom received HP.

    "Nice try, Craig! But I'm not yet finished, use Evil eye!"

    Banette summon a large eye from its head and later attack Breloom. Thanks to the status it give earlier and Breloom faint!

    Craig was shocked

    To be continue...
    Last edited by menametlg; 4th February 2011 at 08:21 PM.

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    Default Re: The Jejemon! (Chapter Three)

    That's better~

    Now, all you have to improve is..

    *The Mary Sue-ness of Craig
    *The shortness of battles
    *The grammar

    That's it~ But I say it's getting better in every chapter.

    ^.^
    I'm your plain Pokemon addict. I like making new friends, so I like to chat with new people.. mostly. :3

    STAND UP.. for what is RIGHT.. be BRAVE.. get ready to FIGHT.. hold on.. we're FRIENDS FOR LIFE.. and if we come.. together as one.. complete the QUESTS we've begun.. we will WIN THE BATTLE.. Pokemon!


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    Default Re: The Jejemon! (Chapter Three)

    ^

    about the mary sue thing. I really can relate about that. Does it means about why Craig is so powerful that no one can beat him or other thing? can you explain better since I can see it in the net [or you can pm me if you can speak in tagalog.

    about the shortness of battle... I know its kinda boring but I cannot give full details since im not good to it but I promise on the next chapters, it will become more exciting

    About my grammar... I'm taking remidial subject in english so that I can correct my grammar. Also I read lots of english novel and "how to speak in English properly" books so that I can understand the right grammar

    anyway the update will be on friday or saturday since i have to finish some stuff [project etc.] but i will give a preview.

    Due to the first lost, Craig lost his conscious and found himself on his room. It was revealed that Phoebe is a member of group called "Jejedictors", derived from the word contradictor, along with four other men. Her role was to search for a good trainer who can help to investigate whats going on and why disaster is always around.

    Week later and another disaster will happen. Like the first one, an absol will show on Craig, but this time in his room.

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    Default Re: The Jejemon! (Chapter Three)

    CHAPTER Four




    "You're so stupid, Craig"

    Craig look around and found himself on a pitch black room.

    "You're so stupid, Craig" a voice with a sound like come from the underground. "You're so stupid"

    Craig got annoyed with the voice. "you are you, chicken! Show yourself! I'm not afraid with you!" he said he tried to reach his pocket but he found out that he wear nothing but his underwear.

    "You're so stupid, stupid to think you're unbeatable!"

    "Stop calling me stupid, you coward! Just show youself b!tch!"

    "You won't win if you continue being immature"


    A soft slap on his face awaken him. It was Jejeloom who used Wake-up Slap to wake him. He didn't feel bad on that mushroom pokemon but he annoyed because of the wrong timing. Who was that coward who call him "Stupid" and what he wanted to do? He won't win if he remain being immature? Why?

    There was a lot of question but Craig remove it to his mind. He decided to look on the window only to find out what time it is. Judging from the appearance, its already seven PM maybe this is the reason why his tummy asks for food.

    He was about to go down when he saw something on the corner on his eyes. It was an absol! O, that's right! The incident yesterday was caused by an absol that show to them!

    Without any single word, he command Jejeloom to use Mach Punch. Breloom's left arm glow with an intense of light. With a great speed, it attack the absol but, alas!, absol disappeared!

    Craig command breloom to use flash to check if the absol is still there but much to his disappointment, the disaster pokemon disappeared with an unknown way. They just decided to go downstairs.

    On the sala, he found his mama talking to the girl she just battle this morning. If he was right, her name is Phoebe.

    Her mother approached him and let him sit beside Phoebe. "Dear, Phoebe has to talk something to you" she said as she heads to the kitchen.

    Out of curiosity, Craig asks about it. "What it is?"

    Phoebe take a deep breath first before she speak. "I want to tell you the truth. I'm a member of the organization called "Jejedictors" where your parents used to be a member"

    Caig rolls his eyes. He never know that kind of organization. "Do you think I will believe in that kind of foolish organization?"

    "Let me finish first okay? The purpose of the organization is to investigate about the 'disaster' and what caused it" Phoebe said as she took a sheet of paper. "You're a member of this organization since your an infant, as your father said"

    "What!" seems like the heart of Craig will explode anytime because of shock. He didn't know it. "How come... what the.. i didn't know..."

    Thanks to his confusion and he didn't know what to say.

    "I will explain it briefly as possible okay? All you have to do is to listen" Phoebe said as she starts to explain about the organization.

    As Phoebe states earlier, the purpose of the organization is investigate the 'disaster' but the disaster she's talking about is not the common disaster. It was caused by the assassin organization called "Jejessin". It was an organization who knows nothing but to bring disaster to the world so that they can rule over it.

    "This secret organization was revealed by our leader" Phoebe said.

    There was a great silence between them. Phoebe smiles, thinking that Craig get the point but...

    "Can you explain it more briefly?" Craig asked.

    Phoebe falls from the sofa. "I have explained everything to you then you still didn't get it!" Phoebe, with annoyed reaction, tries to used Bite attack again Craig. Thanks to her Dusclops and she was chilled off.

    "Ok and you're also one of the important staff of the organization" Phoebe said after 20 attempt on explaining what the organization's purpose. "You're the person in exchange for the position of your father, David Craig. You're position if very important! You're the fifth Jejelite Five, along with Sydney, Glacia, Drake and Me"

    Another silence...
    Silence...
    Silence...
    Silence............
    More silence................
    More, more, more silence..........

    "Ok, give me a week to think if I will accept the position" Craig said as he go up to the stairs, followed by Jejeloom. "But if I didn't accept it, you cannot force me!" he seriously said.

    It already Twelve O'clock but Craig is still full-awake. He is also starving but he didn't care about it. He was thinking about what Phoebe said. Is the disaster was actually caused by the Jejessin? What is their goal and why they want to rule to the world? Who are those people?

    He just sigh before he decided to sleep.

    On the next day, seems like nothing happens. As usual Craig will go out just to train his Jejeloom but this time, no one like to battle him.

    "Hmmm... what a coward trainer!" he said as he walks through the forest where lots of pokemon can be battle.

    "What was that?" he said as he turn his head 75 degree. Seems like he heard something from the top but he didn't saw even a pokemon. He give another glance once more before he decided to continue his way but there was another sound he heard from the top.

    "Show yourself if you're not chicken" he said as he prepare his pokeball. There still no response!

    "One, two and thr..." before he could even finish counting, a great speed snatch the pokeball he was holding and run to the north.

    "Damn! give me back my Jejeloom!" he said as he follow the creature the snatch his pokeball. He continue chasing it until he finally cornered it. It was a Persian!

    To be continue...
    Last edited by menametlg; 4th February 2011 at 08:20 PM.

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    Default Re: The Jejemon! (Chapter Four)

    Hmmm... a bit better..

    Still, what's the use of the "word" there? Oh come on.. If you don't know it, read your chapter again, and you'll find out.

    (Yeah, I can't still do PMs.. lol.. I rarely post here. xD Haha...)

    Also, you're making the story go faster, would it be better for Phoebe to tell Craig in idk.. a later chapter? This just made the story predictable. This story will finish in less than 10 Chapter, I do say.

    Grammar needs work, but hey. It's getting better~

    Craig... is still somehow a type of Mary Sue.. "/

    ^^" Ehehehe..
    I'm your plain Pokemon addict. I like making new friends, so I like to chat with new people.. mostly. :3

    STAND UP.. for what is RIGHT.. be BRAVE.. get ready to FIGHT.. hold on.. we're FRIENDS FOR LIFE.. and if we come.. together as one.. complete the QUESTS we've begun.. we will WIN THE BATTLE.. Pokemon!


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    Default Re: The Jejemon! (Chapter Four)

    do you mean the line "without any single word"? Actually I usual used that term instead of "Without any hesitation"

    The story is very long don't worry since there's shipping between someone and craig LOL. This story, as I plan, will have 30 chapters or more.

    For my grammar, thanks and you appreciate it LOL.

    About the mary sue... I finally understand it. The reason why he act like that is because he still immatured. As the story flow, he will chance and even will have girlfriend LOL

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    Default Re: The Jejemon! (Chapter Four)

    Chapter Five


    Craig stops. He knows that Persian will scratch whoever it sees with provocation. It's a very difficult situation since anytime the Persian will scratch him and the pokeball may accidentally fall to the river. If he didn’t attack the Persian, it may steal the pokeball and never returned to him forever.

    Craig takes a deep breath first before he decides when he caught a small pebble on the corner of his eyes. That’s right. At a great speed, he kicked the pebble and it hits the button of the pokeball! Yes! Jejeloom was now summoned.

    The persian, seems too shocked, attack Jejeloom without any hesitation with the use of Power Gem. The mushroom pokemon just blocked it with the use of Iron Tail and later prepare a Energy Ball attack but it was interrupt by the sudden quake and this time it was stronger! Seems like the first earthquake was actually a foreshock.

    Because of this, it creates a fissure between Jejeloom and the Persian and it was the reason why the cat pokemon falls down to the river.

    Without any hesitation, Craig jumped and helped the Persian. “Jejeloom, bring your pokeball and go to Mom. Check if she’s fine!”

    Jejeloom nodded with agreement before it picks its pokeball and run into the forest.

    “Now what?” Craig asked to himself, thinking that there is a great fall at the end of the river and thanks to the earthquake, the flow of the river reached its unsual current speed.

    “God!” Craig cried after he saw that the waterfall is coming nearer and nearer. “I don’t have choice but to do this” he said to the Persian who was terrified.

    Craig uses his strength to raise the Persian before he throws it. The Persian, still terrified, was thankful for the person who saves him.

    Now Persian was saved, Craig prays and repents his sins before he knows that the he is already falling.

    With a great speed, it catches the falling Craig and brings it down to the riverside. Craig, who was about to lost it conscious, saw that his father is the one who saved him.

    “Thank you Father” he cried before he finally knocked out

    Meanwhile...

    “I wish Craig was fine” Mom prays.
    “Loom!!!”
    Automatically, Mom turned around. She saw Jejeloom approaching.
    “Jejeloom!” Mom said with smile, thinking that his son is fine. "Where's Craig?"
    Jejeloom shoke his head. Mom already know what's jejeloom trying to said.
    "David... please take care of your child" Mom prays.

    to be continue...
    Last edited by menametlg; 13th March 2011 at 03:58 AM.

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