James’s moneymaking scheme (One-shot comedy fic) Rated U
Jesse, one of the Team Rocket grunts, was walking down one of the Team Rocket corridors as she was on security duty. It was a nice sunny, yet boring, morning as she let out a yawn while stretching. Walking beside her was Meowth, one of her companions, he was also feeling bored about walking around corridors.
“Hey, Jess,” Meowth said, trying to make a conversation, even though he was curious of his other companion’s whereabouts. “Do ya know where Jimmy is?”
“Last time I checked, he went out for the night off and hasn’t return since,” Jesse replied.
“Must’ve got drunk or sumthin’” Meowth said smugly.
“Hah! James couldn’t take one drop of it if his life depended on it,” Jesse replied back, also being smugly.
They spotted a familiar boot around a corner of the corridor. It turned to be James, being in such a happy mood and… he had money notes sticking out of different parts of his uniform, much to his teammates curiosity.
“Hello, my friends,” James said happily.
“Hold da fone, Jimmy boy!” Meowth said. “Why have you got all dis money attached to your suit?”
“Oh, I’ve ran out of room for my wallet,” James replied as he took out a pink purse out of his pocket while both his cohorts looked at it with sweatdrops on their foreheads.
“Okay…” Meowth mumbled. “It’s a purse…”
“That doesn’t matter, Meowth,” Jesse said. “James, how on earth did you all that money?”
“Oh, didn’t I tell you?” James replied. “I’m selling celebrity autographs.”
“Oooooh,” Jesse and Meowth said in an impressed tone.
“I know,” James said smugly. “I can sell them for a fortune and if someone accuses me of selling fake ones, I can sue them for a fortune.”
“Wow!” Jesse said, still being impressed. “Can I look?”
“Cos, you can!” James replied.
“Hey, me too!” Meowth said enthusiastically.
James pulled small out pieces of paper showing different signatures. “There you see… that’s Justin Timberlake’s,” he said as he pointed to the signature, and then he placed that small paper at the back of the pile and continued doing the same to the other pieces.
“Sharon Osbourne, I got hers… Noel Gallagher from Oasis… David Schwimmer… David Beckham… Christina Aguilera…”
“That’s not real!” Jesse said.
“Oh, who cares?!” James said as he continued. “Will Young… Anthony McPartlin… Declean Donnoly… Jay Leno… Guy Sabastian… Brian Powell… Barb… MistyRocks…”
“Hey! Wait a minnit!” Meowth said, thinking that something was wrong with those signatures, as did Jesse. “Brian Powell? Barb? MistyRocks? Who da heck are dey!?”
“I don’t know,” James replied as he shrugged. “They’re probably actors or singers from faraway places.”
He continued telling them the names of the ‘celebrities’. “Damien Silverblade… LightningTopaz… is that the twerp’s signature? Oh well, he does have some fans, Blackjack Gabbiani… Jelly… Raney… Dragonfree… I think she’s a singer… ah… WH Smith… KFC… J Sainsbury… Ralph Lauren… Ben Sherman… what’s this? Coca Cola?”
“You idiot!” Jesse snarled as she snatched the pieces off James’s hand. “These aren’t autographs! They’re cheques! They’re cheques that were sent in for the boss’s charity fund for disabled kids!”
James and Meowth’s eyes widened with shock and worry, but Meowth’s eyes turned back to curiosity again. “Wait a minute, Jesse,” Meowth said. “We’re bad guys. Why would he want to give the cheques away when he can keep them?”
“He’s world famous, you moron!” Jesse said as she had a vain throbbing in her head. “He doesn’t want to be found out about these bad guy things!”
She flicked through the cheques. “There must be worth thousands and thousands of dollars here!”
“What have I done?” James said in a scared tone. “I’m gonna get thrown off a water bridge or worse! What can I do? Jesse, help me!”
He began whimpering as he grabbed hold of Jesse’s arms. “You’re going to have to get rid of the evidence yourself!” Jesse snarled as she shoved the cheques back in James’s hands.
“How?” James whimpered.
“I don’t know! I don’t care! Just get rid of them!” Jesse snarled as she stomped off. “And don’t tell anyone I know this!”
James looked at Meowth with pleading eyes. “Dat goes double for me!” Meowth said as he sped off in a different direction before James could say anything.
James looked around with scared eyes, hoping to quickly find a garbage disposal or anything to dump the cheques away, but to no avail.
He looked down on the cheques and picked out one of them. He looked at the picked out cheque and stared at it with disgust… but what choice did he have as he stuffed the cheque in his mouth, attempting to eat it.
Half an hour later, James was still eating the cheques but his face showed that he was going to throw up. He heard footsteps and quickly pocketed the last cheque. It turned out that it was two normal Rocket Grunts, wearing hats that shaded their eyes.
“Hi, James,” said grunt no.1.
“Hello,” James replied, still feeling sick.
“Wanna come out for lunch?” asked grunt no.2.
“I don’t feel well,” James replied. “Besides, I had a big breakfast, so it should last me through the day.”
“Suit yourself,” grunt no.2 said as he gave a little shrug.
After they walked passed him, James let out a huge burp as he weakly covered his mouth. “Boy, he DID eat a big breakfast,” grunt no.1 said as they continued walking.
“That burp was worth $75,000,” James mumbled sickly as he cried anime tears while stuffing the last cheque in his mouth.