Because, man, fuck most shipping fics.
Seeing as how, in my opinion, the general quality of most shipping fics has gone down recently, such as some Advanceshipping fanfics constantly portraying Drew as the villain, Ikarishipping portraying Paul way out of character, and some other needless shit in my opinion that can kind of hold back really good fics from being great. So, I have decided to write this parody of the modern shipping fic, because, let's be honest, a lot of them suck. No, there's not really all that particular reason I have the power of triangles as the name, other than the fact that yes, there are love triangles, and ridiculous ones indeed. Be warned, as there will be out of character moments, much swearing, and probably a hell of a lot of me probably ruining shipping forever for myself. But be warned; if you want a real shipping fic, go read something else, because this sure as hell isn't what you're looking for. This also takes place seven years after the events of the Unova arc. So these people, as far as I'm concerned, are in their mid twenties. Also, this is probably the most offensive thing you'll ever read, ever.
Yes, the first few chapters will be introducing the characters and their entirely different personas. Some of these characters include Drew the Maybe Rapist, Ash the Mentally Challenged Pokemon Trainer, Dawn the Potential Hooker, May the Only Sane Woman, Brock the Quite Possibly Gay Pokemon breeder, and Cilan the Pimp. All of their stories will be told from a first person view. Yes, they eventually will meet up later on, because I want them to, and I really don't give a shit if you don't, so fuck you, dear reader. Unless you like this idea. Then call me, because I need a friend, and I'm pretty damn desperate at this point.
Part I: The Reluctance Begins
Chapter 1 of Part 1: Drew the Maybe Rapist, Maybe Misunderstood Homeless Hippie
The fire consumed trash bin warms my body and soul as I wonder of my past failures. First, I was a Pokemon Coordinator, which I failed miserably at. Apparently bringing knives to the events and stabbing your opponent's Pokemon to death after a particularly long losing streak isn't "legal". But seriously, why should I care what the law thinks? All it's doing is holding me down, man. In fact, I guarantee you that if we didn't have things like the man holding us down, I'd be able to live in a designer card board box from Amazon.com and not the one that I'm using right now from the local Build-A-Bear factory. I'm banned from there too, in case you're wondering, and I'd really rather not talk about why. But, I will say this. Once a man has been homeless for four years, no one tends to want to have sex with him, and those build-a-bears couldn't say no, now could they? Damn right they couldn't.
Then I remembered some special person that I met during my journey of failure and misery. She was such a special person to me, and I would give anything to have her here right now. She was pretty much the only person I've ever seen that I kind of didn't want to rape at all, which was a first. She probably had some damn soft skin, I bet. Probably a lot softer than those prison bedsheets, I bet. She was the only woman I've ever met that didn't commit suicide after I gave her a hug, and mostly because I'd had my HIV shots that day and I wasn't contagious for a four hour period of time.
After she kind of left and went to another region, I took up a drinking habit and joined a club that I originally thought to be a costume club for ghost costumes only, but turned out to be Hoenn's Ku Klux Klan. I was always wondering why there were hardly any black people in Hoenn. I kept my suit though. Made for a nice surprise at my cousin's wedding.
It was also the first time I've ever really had any friends of a sort, so, to be honest, I kind of miss the guys. I remember the first time they went to a Kanto Fried Chicken, and they let me tag along. Turned out, there were only Mexicans in there, so they really didn't have anything much to say other than "stop stealing our jobs and taking our nice uniforms and turning them brown with your disgusting selves." It was kind of odd when we needed a new building and we had to hire those very same Mexicans to come build it for us.
But, back to May. She was probably the best person I've ever met (other than Kenny from the Klan. Cool dude, other than the racism.) that really didn't want me dead after a few hours with me. Man, I loved her. I really wish I knew where she was now. Too bad I can no longer read or write, so if I did know her location, I would have to travel all the way over there, and damn if that doesn't sound like so much work. Now, to be honest with you, I'd probably go to find her anyway, but I really don't want to leave my trash can. The fire I set to it every day and put out with the tears of the orphans whose money I just stole to buy crack with really keeps me warm at night, and I really would miss it if I was gone. But, all good things must come to and end eventually. I now know what I must do. I will hunt down May, and I will find her, and kill her. Wait, that didn't come out right. I'll find her and love her. Damn straight. I will love that bitch. Now to find a GPS, a PokeGear, and maybe some actual Pokemon that I don't use for dog fights...