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    Default The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    Hello! This is my first fanfic of pokemon. Please give me some feedback, positive or negative. Note: This is a Nuzlocke based on the Hoenn region. Keep this in mind. Also, I know that May doesn't wear red clothing anymore and that her outfit was changed in Emerald. You will notice something about that character based on May later.

    Special thanks to @i_eat_crayons for your support and help with the story!

    INDEX:
    Chapters 1-4: On this current page
    Chapters 5-12: Page 2




    The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher


    Chapter 1

    Asher stepped out of the moving truck. He stopped to look around his new town: Littleroot Town. It was small and quiet. Nothing was stirring or making noise except the rustling of the grass. The flowers around the town gave it a sense of comfort and beauty. Living here would be much different than their old home, but Asher liked it.

    "Asher!" Asher's mother yelled, "Quit standing around and make yourself useful!" She threw a heavy box at her son violently. "and now!" She had a huge scowl on her face. Then again, she always did. She had short brown hair that went slightly past her shoulders, and wore a white apron and an orange dress.

    Asher sighed. I'm sick and tired of living with my parents, he thought. All they do is yell and put me down. I feel like there's something wrong with me, but I can't help it. There must be some way to show them I can do good things.

    He carried the box inside the house and immediately set it down. He sighed with relief. His mother walked in with a light box and said, "Your room is already furnished and decorated. Go up there and set your clock."

    Asher obeyed and went up to his room. It was very plain-looking. It had a TV and his Nintendo Entertainment System, which made him happy because he always played on his NES. He also saw a computer. Another thing he enjoyed doing. He started to like this place more and more. The only other things in the room was a carpet and a bed.

    Asher's mother stepped into the room. She saw that Asher was standing there observing the room. "All I asked you to do was set the time on the clock! Not stand there!" She gave him a quick slap on the face. "I don't know why we adopted you. You're just a little rat."

    Asher was shocked. "Adopted?!" he exclaimed. "Am I really adopted?"

    His mother's angry expression went away. "Yes, you were adopted. Your parents didn't love you or want you, and they knew you would never amount to anything. Unfortunately, your father and I did not know this when we adopted you. Now you're just a worthless piece of junk that should've been abandoned on the streets."

    Asher had never heard her say things to that extremity. His face was soon full of tears. "Worthless? A rat? Abandoned on the streets?! I've had enough of your abuse! I put up with it for yours because I thought you were my parents and that you still loved me." He was furious. "Now I see that I'm on my own. Well you know what? I will prove my worth to you. I'll show you that I can be the best there ever was!"

    "Right," Asher's mother, no, adoptive mother, chuckled. "You wouldn't have the guts to leave this house."

    With that, Asher ran out of the house, tears falling down from his eyes. He couldn't believe that he had been lied to his whole life. His parents kept telling him that he was their true son, while abusing him of course. But Asher thought that all parents abused their children. He sought to find that out. He found a house identical to his next door. He politely knocked on the door.

    "Oh, hello!" a woman with light brown hair welcomed him. It had beautiful curls, and she looked very sweet and motherly. She had a warm smile on her face, and suddenly, Asher was comforted. "Are you the neighbor that just moved in?"

    "Uh...yes." Asher replied.

    "Oh, wonderful! We have a daughter your age. When she heard that people with a child her age were moving in, she was ecstatic! She's upstairs."

    This woman seemed very nice. Maybe it really was just Asher's parents that abused him. He walked upstairs very slowly, and encountered a girl about his age wearing red and white clothing. She had curly light brown hair with a red hat on her head. She also had these beautiful blue eyes, and he fell right under the spell of her gaze.

    "You must be the new neighbor," She said, "My name is Bennie. I thought you'd be a girl."

    "Well, uh...I'm not." Asher said, snapping out of the spell. "My name is Asher." Wow, Bennie, Asher thought. What a pretty name!

    "I'm sorry, I can't stay here. You'll have to leave," Bennie said nonchalantly, "I have to help my dad with some research stuff. He's the Professor."

    "Oh, well that's cool!" Asher said, face red with the embarrassment of talking to a pretty girl. "I'll see you around, then."

    Bennie walked away without saying good-bye. Asher was not frustrated with her cool attitude. She likes me. She just won't admit it. He had a crush on her in an instant. He followed her down the stairs and out the door.

    She suddenly disappeared. Asher decided not to go looking for her, but to go on a walk by himself instead. Once he was about to approach Route 101, he heard a cry for help. Asher ran up towards the sound. It was a strange man with darker brown hair and a white lab coat on. "Help me!" he pleaded. Asher saw that he was being attacked by a Poochyena.

    Asher ran over towards him. "Grab a Poke Ball! Any one of them! In the bag!" The strange man panicked and continued trying to run from the Poochyena.

    Asher wasted no time asking questions and picked a random ball from the bag. He threw the ball and out came a Mudkip, a mud fish pokemon. He had no idea how to battle, but he decided to try. After all, he's watched every Pokemon League Tournament in his old region. "Use Tackle, Mudkip!" he commanded.

    The Mudkip looked at him with confusion, but obeyed. He hit the Poochyena dead on, and the Poochyena was hit hard. Mudkip didn't let the Poochyena recover. He tackled again. The Poochyena was still alive, but barely. Poochyena circled around to Mudkip's back and used Tackle, but Mudkip turned around and dodged it. Mudkip performed another outstanding Tackle and the Poochyena went down.

    "You did it, Mudkip!" Asher said enthusiastically. He was surprised that he won his first battle so unexpectedly. He knew that Mudkip would make a good member of any team. He thought about asking that strange man for the Mudkip, but he decided not to.

    "Thank you for saving me!" The strange man exclaimed. "I don't think I've introduced myself to you yet. I am the Professor, and I research pokemon. My daughter Bennie helps me sometimes, but she didn't get here in time to help me. Luckily you came here! Come on, let's get back to the lab."

    ---

    "So, what's your name?" Professor asked.

    "Asher," Asher replied. "I just moved in next door with my parents." Asher wondered why Professor wanted to go to his lab so badly.

    Professor nodded. "I see. And what were you planning on doing in Hoenn?"

    Asher didn't expect that kind of a question. He didn't know how to answer it. "I...uh...I don't know. But I want to do something great. Something few people have done before."

    Professor gave Asher a skeptical look. "How would you like to go on an adventure across Hoenn and become the Champion?"

    Asher thought about this for a moment. Adventure? Anywhere away from his parents would be nice. But become the Champion? That seemed like an impossible task. However, it would make him great. Maybe I can finally prove myself to my parents by becoming the Champion! He thought excitedly. "I'll do it!" He said with major enthusiasm.

    Professor smiled. "Wonderful. However, becoming Champion is not an easy task. You'll need a pokemon to do it. I'll give you that Mudkip you battled with earlier to help you get started."

    "Great!" Asher said, "Thank you so much!" He released the Mudkip from his Poke Ball and gave him a look of pride. "I'll call you Finnegan."

    Finnegan gave Asher a look of happiness.

    "He seems to like you already," Professor inferred. Then he got serious. "I have given you your Mudkip, but that's only half of what you need. In order to get the other half, I have set a challenge for you. You need to defeat Bennie. She's on Route 103. If you can defeat her, you will get the other things you need to go on your journey."

    "Thank you, Professor!" Asher said, excited for once in his life. He got a Mudkip and he was going to see Bennie. He couldn't wait.
    Last edited by Pikalution; 5th February 2012 at 09:01 PM.

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    Default Re: The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    That certainly was an exciting start, though I felt that it went by too fast. It would've worked better as two separate chapters, the first slowly building up to the revelation that Asher is adopted, and taking a longer time at detailing his feelings, while the second would focus on starting his journey. I do think you need more description in terms of the characters, as none of them seemed clear enough.

    If you work on those, you should be safe, as you've got the story part; an exciting hook to the story, and a good twist on the story of RSE.

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    Default Re: The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    thank you! i was afraid that it jumped a little, but i tried to mirror the beginning of the game (which did jump around). I appreciate the feedback. I'm also sort of trying to do indirect characterization. Bennie is supposed to be a badass and the opposite of a sweet little girl, and it doesn't really show in this chapter. It does in the next one, which will be posted tomorrow because....its midnight and i have stuff to do in the morning and shouldnt be up right now XD

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    Default Re: The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    Well, I lok forward to see what you do with the future chapters.

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    Default Re: The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    Here's Chapter 2! I wrote this like a week ago and I finally found the time to post it. Enjoy!

    Chapter 2

    Asher started off on Route 101, Finnegan following right behind him. It was a grassy clearing with trees surrounding it. A few patches of grass were also present. He had stepped on this route before, but he didn't take the time to look at his surroundings because of the danger Professor was in. A few trainers just starting out were in the tall grass, possibly catching some pokemon. Route 103, Asher thought. That's where she is. I'll have to ask someone where that is.

    As he was walking in the tall grass, he suddenly saw a wild pokemon about to attack Finnegan. It was a Zigzagoon. "Hey, get away from him!" Asher snapped. But Zigzagoon didn't even acknowledge his presence. "Finnegan! Attack that Zigzagoon with a Tackle!"

    Finnegan obeyed and tackled the Zigzagoon to the ground. Zigzagoon also tried to use a Tackle, but Finny was too quick. Finny tackled the Zigzagoon one last time before the Zigzagoon took the hint and fled, deciding not to battle any further.

    "Great job, Finny!" Asher said with pride. Finny looked over at him and said "Mudkip!" as if he was saying thank you. I can definitely become the Champion with Finnegan on my side, Asher thought. I can become great! My parents will apologize to me in no time.

    They continued along the road. Asher could see a town ahead, and realized it was Oldale Town. Oldale Town was also small and quiet, but at least it contained a Pokemon Center and a Poke Mart. To Asher, it didn't look as pretty as Littleroot. Littleroot had more grass and flowers.

    As he entered the town, he saw a man dressed in an apron walking up to him. "Hi! I work at a Poke Mart. Here's a complimentary Potion! Be sure to stop by if you need more."

    "Thank you, sir!" Asher said. Then he remembered why he was there. "Can you tell me where Route 103 is?"

    "Sure!" The man said. He pointed to the north. "Right up there. And Route 102 is west of Oldale Town. That route leads to Petalburg City."

    "Thanks again!" Asher said, and started walking up north to Route 103. He saw a strange man with a notebook drawing his own footprint. He was confused, but decided not to ask questions. He heard the man grumbling about rare pokemon footprints. Asher giggled and continued up north.

    When he entered Route 103, he didn't see Bennie. This particular route looked a lot like Route 101, but it had a river on the east side. He continued up north since there seemed to be dead ends on both the west and east sides. He finally saw her when he got to the northernmost part of the route.

    "Oh, why do I have to do this for my dad?" Bennie sighed, and continued writing things down in a notebook. She must've heard Asher coming, because she quickly turned around. "Oh, it's you. My dad said he wanted me to battle you. All right. I'll see how good you are!"

    "Bring it on." Asher smiled and said "Go on, Finnegan! Show her we can win!" He's pretty much invincible, Asher thought.

    Bennie laughed. "A Mudkip? Wait until you see what I've got!" She took a Poke Ball from her belt and threw it on the ground. It revealed a Treecko. The battle was on.

    "Finny! Get that Treecko with a Tackle!" Asher ordered.

    Finny tackled the Treecko down, not giving Treecko any time to dodge.

    "Elliot! Pound that Mudkip!" Bennie ordered, looking upset that Finny actually managed to hit Elliot.

    Elliot did what he was told and pounded Finny. Finny fell down to the ground, but he got up quickly. He wasn't too hurt. Finny used Tackle again, but this time Elliot dodged it. Elliot used Pound again, and Finny was hit hard. But the little Mudkip got up and tackled Elliot as hard as he could. Elliot fell down to the ground, and it looked like the battle was over. Bennie's face went bright red. However, Elliot got up and pounded Finny with all his might. Finny also fell down. Asher thought the battle would never end, but Finny ended up tackling Elliot again and Elliot fell down from the impact, and tried to get up, but he couldn't. The battle was over.

    Bennie looked up at Asher with horror. "There's no way that just happened! You couldn't have pulled that off! Elliot was..." She returned Elliot to its Poke Ball and gave Asher an angry look. "You!" She ran over to him and punched him in the face, and he was instantly knocked out.

    -------

    He woke up in the lab, all bruised up. He knew Bennie was angry about losing the battle, but did she really have to beat him up? Oh well, she's totally worth it! Asher thought. She likes me, she just doesn't know it. She'll be mine in no time!

    Professor came up to Asher holding Finnegan. "Here's your pokemon," he said. "I heard you beat Bennie. She beat you up pretty badly, didn't she? Well, like I promised, you may now get the other things you need to become the Champion." He handed him a weird electronic device and five Poke Balls to catch more pokemon. "Battling is dangerous, so you can't just have one pokemon. Some pokemon could die or become severely injured in battle. Keep that in mind. And that device is called a Pokedex. It records data about every pokemon species out there. I'd like you to try to complete that for me so I can do more research. Bennie is doing it too."

    "Thank you, Professor. This really means a lot to me." Asher said while he stood up and put Finny in his arms. "I will definitely complete that Pokedex for you! It's the least I can do."

    "Good luck," Professor said, and Asher walked out of the lab and officially started his journey.

    When he started to pass his house to get to Route 101, his mother came running out of the house and threw a pair of shoes at his head. Asher winced in pain.

    "Take those Running Shoes and get away from here!" she screamed, "I don't want you here after what you said to me!"

    You deserved it, Asher thought. He put on his Running Shoes and started on Route 101.
    Last edited by Pikalution; 27th January 2012 at 11:50 PM.

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    Default Re: The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    I still think you could describe the scenes a bit better; it's perfectly fine if you have longer chapters, but spread the content and give every scene the attention it deserves. You can easily learn how to do this by reading published novels, or even other FanFiction that is online.

    But aside from that, your spelling and grammar are great, and the sentences flow amazingly.

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    Default Re: The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    sorry about the whole lack of description thing x.x im much better at spelling and grammar and the whole writing part of a story. im not very creative XD but i will read other fanfic and see how to describe things better

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    Default Re: The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    The trick is just in waffling. When entering a new Route, describe the trees, the weather, the grass, the Pokémon, what the other Trainers are doing, and your character's feelings at being in such a place.

    For example, you can take this sentence:

    Quote Originally Posted by Pikalution View Post
    Asher started off on Route 101, Finnegan following right behind him. Route 103, Asher thought. That's where she is. I'll have to ask someone where that is.
    And make it into this:

    Asher started off on Route 101, directly north of Litteroot Town. There was a small clearing that led to tall grass, where Pokémon would take shelter, and the Route was surrounded by trees from both sides. As Asher progressed through the Route with Finnegan behind him, he quickly noticed the other Trainers; they were all fiddling with their bags, or searching for wild Pokémon, beginners, just like Asher. Route 103, Asher thought. That's where she is. I'll have to ask someone where that is.
    Fairly easy to do, but takes some practice.

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    Default Re: The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    Chapter 3 is up. A big thank you to Kyuujux for reading my story and giving me great feedback. You're a good help!

    Chapter 3


    Asher and Finnegan went on the small and grassy route of Route 101 yet again. No one was outside because of how late it was. “Well, Finny, I can finally see adventure.” He said. For once, he truly felt happy. Finny brushed against Asher’s leg to show affection. Asher smiled. “Come on, let’s do this. Let’s conquer the Hoenn region together!” They continued to walk with triumph until they got to Oldale Town, which also seemed lifeless except for the light inside the Pokemon Center. Asher decided to rest in the Pokemon Center.

    “What a day, Finnegan!” Asher sighed. “It’s getting really late. I can’t stay up all night. Let’s go rest.”

    “Mudkip!” Finny said, agreeing with Asher. With that, they walked into the Pokemon Center. It was bigger than he expected, and it was filled with pokemon trainers. There was a cafeteria and a place for trainers to hang out. There was also a hospital area, of course. Surprisingly, there was a nurse that was still awake. She had red hair in pigtails and a pink dress with a white apron, and a nurse's cap.

    “Welcome to the Pokemon Center!” The nurse said, eyes shining with excitement. Asher wondered how she could be so enthusiastic at this time of night. And why were there so many trainers awake at this hour?

    "Hello," Asher said. "I'd like to spend the night here." He picked up Finnegan to show the nurse that he had a pokemon too.

    "Oh, great! Is it just for one night?" The nurse asked politely.

    "Yes." Asher replied. He saw a Chansey coming their way.

    "Chansey, please take them to an empty room." The nurse ordered. The Chansey obeyed and took them up the stairs. There were many white doors everywhere, each assigned a number. There was also a double door labeled "Pokemon Colosseum and Trade Center". This place has everything, Asher thought. I hope they have more of these in other towns.

    "Chansey!" The Chansey said as she opened a door. The door was numbered 108. It was Asher's room for the night.

    "Thank you, Chansey!" Asher said, and he and Finny went inside the room. It was plain-looking, and reminded him of his room at home. It contained a bed, a dresser, a TV, and a table with chairs. It looked like they were bought together as a set. Asher opened up his bag and put on his pajamas. He looked over at Finny. "So, Finny, would you like to sleep in your Poke Ball? Or do you want to sleep on the bed with me?"

    Finny ran and jumped on the bed. "Mudkip!" He said.

    Asher smiled. "All right! What's the use of a Poke Ball if you won't go in it anyway?" He crawled into bed as Finny was falling asleep at his feet. "Good night, Finny." He turned off the light and fell asleep.

    ------

    Asher woke up peacefully. He felt like he got a really good sleep the night before. He saw that Finny was off the bed and looking inside Asher's bag.

    "Good morning, Finny! Are you hungry?" Asher wondered.

    Finny nodded. Asher stood up and got dressed, fixing up his hair in the process. He grabbed his bag and the rest of his things and exited the room, Finnegan following behind him.

    Once he got all his stuff together and inside his bag, he put the bag on his shoulder and picked Finny up. There's so many people here. I can't risk having anyone steal my pokemon, Asher thought. In fact, besides Bennie, Finny was the only thing that made him happy. And he needed him to become Champion and prove to his parents that he's better than they thought.

    When they got downstairs, there were more nurses. "Hello, sir!" A nurse greeted him. "Would you like your complimentary breakfast? We give a complimentary breakfast to your pokemon too."

    "Yes, we would like some breakfast." Asher answered, and he followed the nurse into the cafeteria. There were a lot of trainers there, most of them just starting out like him.

    "It's a buffet, so just grab a tray for you and your pokemon and get some food!" The nurse said. "One side of the cafeteria has human food, and the other side has pokemon food."

    "All right, thanks!" Asher said. "I'm sorry, Finny. I know you're hungrier than I am, but I don't want you sitting by yourself. I'll get my food first." He walked over to the human food side. Eggs, bacon, waffles, pancakes....any kind of breakfast food anyone could want was there. He grabbed a tray and grabbed some food. When he was done, he put his tray down at an empty table. "Ok, Finny. I'll go over to the pokemon food with you." He picked up Finny and walked over to the pokemon food side. There wasn't much variety there; they only had Pokemon Pellets, Poffins, Berries, and Pokeblocks. "What do you like, Finny?" Asher asked.

    Finny looked at all that food with disgust. Asher could tell that Finny didn't want any pokemon food. "Well, do you like human food?" Asher asked. Finny nodded, and Asher picked him up again and went over to the human food side. He let Finny pick out his food, and he walked back to their table.

    Asher was only halfway done with his food when Finny gobbled up his. "Finny! You got twice as much food as I did! How did you finish before me?!" He was surprised that a little Mudkip could even eat that much.

    When they finished their food, they said their thank-yous and good-byes to the nurses and walked out of the Pokemon Center. "Route 102 must be next. That weird guy said that it leads to Petalburg City," Asher said to Finny. He walked over to the clearing on the east side of town. He saw a vast lake and the typical forest-like environment. There were lots of trainers battling each other and plenty of tall grass for wild pokemon. He remembered the Professor telling him that he can't become Champion with just one pokemon, so he decided to go into the tall grass first. He walked around in the tall grass a little. He looked over at the lake and saw a Seedot near it. I might as well catch it, Asher thought. "All right, Finnegan. Here's our chance! Weaken it with a Tackle!"

    Finnegan obeyed and tackled the Seedot. the Seedot was thrown to the ground and caught by surprise, but the Seedot got up and just stood there. Finnegan tackled it again, but it didn't do as much damage as the first one did.

    "That's enough weakening, Finny." Asher said, and got out one of his empty Poke Balls. "Now I'll catch it!" He threw a Poke Ball at it, and the Seedot was inside. Did I catch it? Asher wondered. But then the Poke Ball started moving. 1, 2, 3....after it shook three times, the Poke Ball suddenly stopped and glowed red.

    Asher had caught his first pokemon.
    Last edited by Pikalution; 16th January 2012 at 03:31 PM.

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    Default Re: The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    Comparing the description in this chapter to the previous ones, I'd say you improved a lot. All you need now is just practice, and you'll be even better! The only technical criticism I have left is that there are too many individual sentences; find a way to link them.

    Aside from those however, I liked how you focused more on Asher's relationship with Finnegan, and how the Pokémon seems to developing a personality of his own that serves as a great contrast to Asher's personality, and I do look forward to seeing how the Seedot will compliment the team. Great job so far.

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    Default Re: The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    I noticed that when I read over it after it was posted. I'll have to go back and edit it then. Thanks for your feedback! :) I might post the next chapter today, but I can't guarantee it.

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    Default Re: The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    Just read all the chapters, andhave to say it was really good! Like what Kyuu said, the description in the first few chapters could have used more descriptions, but the newest one was really good in description. I have two questions though:

    1. Do you pronounce it Ai-sher or Ah-sher
    2. Are you actully playing R/S/E or are you just writing?
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    Default Re: The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    1. Ah-sher. Like Ash from the anime, with a syllable added to the end :P (I didn't try to do that, I just like the name Asher)
    2. Yes. I'm playing Ruby. I'm just changing it up a little bit. It's more interesting that way.

    Anyway, Chapter 4 is up! Enjoy!

    Chapter 4

    Asher released his newly caught Seedot from his Poke Ball. The Seedot gave him a skeptical look. "I think I'll call you Oliver!" He said. Oliver gave him a look of approval, and Asher turned around to look at Finnegan. "We have a new team member, Finnegan! I hope you two can become best friends."

    Finnegan looked at Oliver, then back at Asher. Are you serious? He was telling Asher.

    Asher nodded. "All right, Oliver, let's train you for a bit!"

    ------

    After a few hours of training, Asher decided to battle some trainers on his way to Petalburg City. He walked over to the clearing where all the trainers were. A trainer started walking up to him wearing a blue baseball cap, blue shorts, and a yellow shirt. "My name is Calvin, and I challenge you to a pokemon battle!"

    "All right, let's do it." Asher said coolly. "You can do it, Oliver!" He said as he threw Oliver's Poke Ball on the ground. Oliver looked like he was ready for a fight.

    "Go, Ziggy!" Calvin said, and a Zigzagoon came out of its Poke Ball. Finnegan gave it an evil look, remembering his encounter with a Zigzagoon the day before.

    "Oliver, this'll be easy. Use Bide!" Asher commanded.

    Oliver stood still, taking in Ziggy's attacks. After Ziggy tackled him a few times, Oliver unleashed all of his energy. Ziggy fell down to the ground, hurt badly, but he wasn't giving up. Oliver used Bide again, not seeming to hurt at all from Ziggy's Tackle. Oliver unleashed energy again, and Ziggy went down instantly, showing no signs of getting up.

    "Send out your next pokemon." Asher said, smiling from his victory.

    Calvin was shaking. "Um...t-that's my only...pokemon..." He stuttered, looking down at Ziggy with horror.

    Asher had no sympathy. "I won!" He said, and looked over at Oliver. "Great job, Oliver! We make a great team!"

    "Seedot." Oliver said, not exactly jumping for joy as Finnegan would've done. Asher went over to Oliver and gave him a hug, and Finnegan looked at Asher as if he had been betrayed.

    "You were great, Oliver. Now return!" He returned Oliver back inside his Poke Ball. "Come on, Finnegan! Let's battle some more trainers."

    Finnegan, still a little jealous of Oliver, continued to follow Asher through Route 102.

    ------

    Asher felt like Route 102 would never end. After a series of battles, there was yet another clearing that eventually lead to Petalburg City. This was the biggest city in Hoenn that Asher's ever seen. It had a small little pond, a few trees, and a lot of grass. There were quite a few people outside, enjoying the beautiful spring day. Asher could see a Poke Mart, Pokemon Center, and...a gym! Asher was excited. My first gym battle! I can't wait! He hurried over to the gym and stepped inside.

    He saw two statues with Poke Balls on top and a man with blue hair not much older than him. In fact, he only looked a few years older. Was it really that easy to become a gym leader? He walked over to him. "Hello. My name is Asher, and I'm here for the gym badge!"

    The man looked down at Finnegan, then back up at Asher. "Is this the first gym you've challenged?"

    "Yes." Asher replied, wondering why he was so interested in Finnegan.

    "Well, judging by your pokemon, you don't seem ready to battle my gym. If you want to have your first gym badge, you'll have to go to Rustboro City. This is actually supposed to be the fifth gym." The man informed him. "Go west of this town, then up north to the Petalburg Woods. Rustboro is on the other side."

    "Oh...ok. Well, thanks anyway." Asher was disappointed. "Oh, Finnegan, Bennie probably already has her first badge!"

    "It's all right, it happens a lot." The man laughed. "My name is Norman, by the way. Come challenge my gym once you have four badges."

    "You got it, Norman!" Asher said. "Bye!" He exited the gym, feeling disappointed. "Well, Finnegan, it sounds like Rustboro is a long way from here. Let's just rest at the Pokemon Center and leave in the morning."

    "Mudkip!" Finnegan said, agreeing with him. Asher guessed he was just hungry.

    When they went inside the Pokemon Center, Asher was surprised to see that not a lot of people were there. It's probably because it's not evening yet, Asher thought. He walked into the cafeteria, and Finnegan was excited. He ran over to the side with the human food and tried to pick up a tray.

    "Here, let me help you." Asher said, laughing. Once again, he gave Finny twice as much food as he gave himself. He put his trays down and went over to the pokemon food side, getting some Poffins for Oliver. He let Oliver out of his Poke Ball and exclaimed, "Let's eat!"

    "Mudkip!" Finnegan said, excited to get some food. He ate all of his food in record time. Oliver was eating his food nice and slowly, enjoying the pokemon food.

    "So, Oliver, you like the pokemon food?" Asher asked, wondering if it was just Finny that preferred human food. Oliver nodded, and Asher giggled. "Seems like you're the odd one, Finny." As he was scanning the cafeteria, he saw someone that looked oddly familiar. It was a girl that wore red and white clothing with long, light brown, flowing wavy pigtails and a red hat. Asher soon realized it was Bennie. Bennie! I must go over there and talk to her! He also noticed that she was alone. Perfect.

    When Oliver finally finished his food, Asher threw away the leftovers and walked over to Bennie, Oliver and Finnegan following close behind. Bennie noticed him right away.

    "Hey, Asher." She said, looking up at him with her beautiful blue eyes. "What brings you here?"

    "I just wanted to say hello." Asher said. "May I sit?"

    "Go ahead." Bennie said, "The rest of the population here are just a bunch of idiots who think they're cool for catching the most pokemon. I've only caught one besides Elliot, and I'll bet that I can beat all of them easily. With my pokemon and my fists."

    "I won't doubt that." Asher said, smiling. "I've also only caught one besides Finnegan." He picked up Oliver to show her. "His name is Oliver."

    "I caught a Ralts, and I named her Karis," Bennie said, "It means graceful."

    "Karis is a pretty name." Asher said, "and so is Bennie."

    Bennie's face turned bright red, but she shook her head and continued with her cool attitude. "Well, that's nice." Then she paused for a minute. "Come to my room with your pokemon. I'd like some company, and everyone else...well...I don't feel like dealing with them."

    "That sounds nice," Asher said, "but I have to get a room first." He was embarrassed once he realized he forgot to get a room first. He was too focused on satisfying Finnegan's hunger! "I sort of forgot to get a room. You see, Finny is always hungry..."

    "Dumbass." Bennie said, smiling a little. "It's ok, I'll just go with you and show you where my room is from there."

    "Sounds like a plan." Asher said, and he returned Oliver, picked up Finnegan, and exited the cafeteria.

    He walked over to the nurse behind the counter. "Um, I need a room." He said awkwardly, hoping the nurse didn't know he ate first. "It's just for one night."

    "All right. Chansey!" The nurse called. She didn't say anything about the cafeteria, so Asher guessed that she didn't notice. Chansey walked over, got a key, and lead Asher to his room.

    When they got there, Chansey handed Asher his key. Bennie looked shocked. "Your room is right next to mine!" she said.

    "Weird, huh..." Asher said, his chest filled with excitement. He didn't know why he was so happy about being right next to Bennie, but he decided it wasn't particularly a bad thing. He put his bag on his bed, locked the door, and walked into Bennie's room.

    Asher let Oliver out while Bennie let out her two pokemon. Finnegan, Oliver, Karis, and Elliot made their own little circle to talk and play together. Bennie and Asher sat on the bed, watching the pokemon play.

    Asher smiled. "It's amazing how they get along so well, considering Finnegan and Elliot battled each other yesterday."

    "Yeah. Most pokemon learn to live like that, I guess." Bennie replied. She then looked over at Asher. "Do you always keep Finnegan outside of his Poke Ball?"

    Asher looked back at Bennie. "Of course I do! He keeps me company. He never seems to want to go inside the Poke Ball, anyway. If you ask me, I think he wants to be a human. He also sleeps on the bed with me and doesn't like pokemon food."

    "Now that's just weird!" Bennie said, "Both of my pokemon love pokemon food, and they're always in their Poke Balls. You and Finnegan seem to have a good relationship, though."

    "We're good friends," Asher said, "After all, he's the first pokemon I've ever had." He decided to change the subject. I've got to get her to like me! He thought. Maybe we'll travel through the region together. Once she sees me become Champion, she'll never be able to resist me! "You know, Bennie, I love your eyes," he said, "And I've always thought you were beautiful."

    "Oh." Bennie said, her face turning red again. "That's nice." She looked away from Asher, then continued to watch the pokemon.

    "I'm surprised you didn't punch me in the face for saying that." Asher said. Maybe she really does like me!

    "Well, you are a dumbass," Bennie replied, "but I've decided to let you go this one time." She tried to hide a smile.

    They sat there in silence for a while, watching their pokemon play. Karis poked Oliver, and the others were fleeing from Oliver as he ran over to tag one of them.

    "They sure are adorable." Bennie finally said. Then she yawned. "You know, Asher, I'm a bit tired. I think I'll turn in for the night. Go, before I literally kick you out!"

    "That's fine with me," Asher said, and returned Oliver as he was running around. "Come on, Finnegan, it's time for bed."

    Finny didn't want to go, but he obeyed and ran behind Asher. "Good night, Bennie." He said, giving her another awkward smile.

    "Good night, Asher." Bennie said, hiding another smile by turning the other way.

    Asher exited the room and entered his, closing the door behind him and Finnegan. "She likes me," he said to Finnegan, "and by the time I become Champion, she will be mine."
    Last edited by Pikalution; 9th January 2012 at 08:37 PM.

  14. #14
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    So much better than the previous chapters! You've improved a lot; you're more descriptive, and your characters convey a lot more emotions this time around. Great job!

    The only thing I found issue with was how Finnegan was jealous of Oliver, yet started playing with him when Elliot and Karis were around as if he didn't mind him. Aside from that, I'm glad to see that Asher found a new reason to become the Champion, and that Bennie is a welcomed character now; I didn't like her introduction, specifically the aggressive attitude. Finally, the story is progressing wonderfully, and I hope you keep on improving yourself.

  15. #15
    Back to KM Kantomasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Hoenn Adventures of a Boy Named Asher

    Well, not much to say, as Kyuu said it all again. :). You definately did improve alot on this chapter though! There was a ton more description, and some more character's relationship developements. Great chapter!
    My 3ds FC: 0018 2172 7225 Safari: Rock Feel free to add me! I can only get on wifi maybe once a week at most though!
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