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  1. #1
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Hero (14)

    This story was written as a response and sequel to Coward, another creepypasta-with-plot that I rather like.

    As this fic was composed in a plaintext editor, it uses Markdown syntax rather than BBCode, and I'm a bit lazy to change all of them.


    Hero
    A story by Daniel Ernston

    --- Scene 1: The Setup



    --- Scene 2: The Dream



    --- Scene 3: The Catch



    --- Scene 4: The Consequence



    --- Scene 5: The Confession



    --- Scene 6: The Apparition



    --- Scene 7: The Resolution



    --- Scene 8: The Battle



    --- Scene 9: The Revelation



    --- Scene 10: The Aftermath





    --------------------------------------

    The following section is rated 16 (mature). Reader's discretion is advised.

    --------------------------------------



    --- Scene 11: Addendum - The Meantime



    --- Scene 12: The Motive

    Last edited by Zekurom; 22nd June 2013 at 08:58 PM. Reason: The spoiler tag has reappeared!
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    Marukaite Chikyuu~ ShinySceptile1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hero (creepypasta with plot, 14)

    This was epic! Not the scariest, but I actually got interested! I now hate the Elite Four, though. You deserve something for writing this!
    Proud Claimer of Natalya Arlovskaya, Tino Väinämöinen, and Lukas Bondevik from Hetalia~! (= ヮ=)೨


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    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hero (creepypasta with plot, 14)

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinySeviper1 View Post
    This was epic! Not the scariest, but I actually got interested! I now hate the Elite Four, though. You deserve something for writing this!
    Oh, this part was far from truly scary. I'm almost done writing the addendum, and you will really see just how sociopathic Lance can really get.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    Marukaite Chikyuu~ ShinySceptile1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hero (creepypasta with plot, 14)

    Yay!
    Proud Claimer of Natalya Arlovskaya, Tino Väinämöinen, and Lukas Bondevik from Hetalia~! (= ヮ=)೨


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    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hero (14, 16 with the addendum)

    *bump* I've added a Scene 12. Original can be found here.

    --- Scene 12: The Motive

    Professor Elm sat there.

    It wasn't entirely clear what he felt at the moment, but he simply sat there, looking upon the shambles that was once his lab. A few crumpled papers remained in his hands. The distortiform was especially good at dissolving paper, and all that was left of the good doctor's life's work was a mess of pulp.

    He had heard about Lance's battle with Josiah. How in the end, all of their Pokémon had died. Elm had cried at first. What a waste of those beautiful animals' lives! But Elm knew better. He was a biologist. He eventually knew that all lives were to be wasted in a self-perpetuating loop. So he felt nothing now.

    The door burst open. Elm didn't turn around.

    "You know why I've done this, don't you?" said a familiar voice that Elm knew was Lance's.

    "H-how..." stuttered Elm. "How c-could you..."

    "Humans don't deserve to live for a long time," said Lance. "They've done nothing to earn it."

    "How could you abuse Josiah like that..."

    "Don't you get it, old man?" said Lance. "Josiah never really meant anything. His escapade was the perfect cover-up for what I've done. Making sure *you* don't give people what they shouldn't have."

    It was then that Elm realized that it was not Josiah, but Lance, who had doomed them all.

    "You... you monster!" said Elm. "You're insane!" he cried.

    "Nobody will know that this is what I *really* meant to do. Everyone will write it off as collateral damage. After all, nobody can miss what they've never had."

    "How long?" asked Elm. "How long were you waiting for someone to do this?"

    "Oh, quite some time," said Lance. "There are a lot of trainers out there who did what Josiah did, but none of them have done quite exactly what I've wanted them to do, and none of them came from your lab."

    The professor's eyes widened in anguished realization. Lance wasn't on a moral crusade. He simply acted the part to have an excuse to destroy Elm's lab.

    Lance brought out a Pokéball, and let out the Pokémon inside. Elm looked at the released Pokémon, and realized, horrified, that Lance still had a single Dragonite left from his battle with Josiah. It hadn't died after all. Lance lied about that, just like he lied about what had happened to the Pokémon world - twice.

    "You've tried to cheat death," said Lance. "And you know how much I *hate* cheating." Lance quietly said two words to his Dragonite, and Elm knew what his fate was. "Dragonite, Guillotine."

    Elm's life flashed before his eyes as an orange blur raced towards him, holding an outstretched claw aimed straight for his head--
    Last edited by Zekurom; 21st June 2013 at 11:54 PM.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

  6. #6
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Hero (14)

    Amazing. So much emotion and feeling packed into a small amount of words, which takes talent! I am a rambler and often write a lot of meaningless and wasted drabble, which you are obviously talented enough to avoid. Despite the short scene, you feel like more is packed because of how real and genuine Lance and Elm's characters are.

    I really love the description whom provide and the eloquence with which you deliver it. The paper dissolving into pulp for example at he beginning.

    Ending is also epic with the implied death of Elm by Dragonite's claw. Chilling without being bloody or overly graphic. Loved it.

    Coming Soon...

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    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hero (14)

    Quote Originally Posted by Legacy View Post
    Amazing. So much emotion and feeling packed into a small amount of words, which takes talent!
    I didn't feel like there was any especial amount of emotion in this scene compared to the previous.

    I am a rambler and often write a lot of meaningless and wasted drabble, which you are obviously talented enough to avoid. Despite the short scene, you feel like more is packed because of how real and genuine Lance and Elm's characters are.
    Oh, I rambled, alright. Just read some of the previous scenes to find out. :P

    It feels like you've only read Scene 12. Have you read the story before it? This additional scene is just a second addendum. (If you have, I'd like your comments on it as well, please. :P)

    Ending is also epic with the implied death of Elm by Dragonite's claw. Chilling without being bloody or overly graphic. Loved it.
    The reality of the story just keeps getting darker and darker past the end of scene 9, and you could technically call the story finished at the end of each one of those scenes.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Hero (14)

    Yup, I read all of the,! I was mostly commenting on the latest chapter though. You are an amazing writer!

    Coming Soon...

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Hero (14)

    I fill like crap now for changing my user name to Lance ;_;

    I did read '"Coward" before reading this, and I just want to say I literally laughed out loud. I thought it was a great depiction of realistic humor, but your "sequel" no, it was down right cruel. Not that that makes it worse, I loved it. You made an amazing attempt at portraying dramatic irony, and succeeded I might add.

    I would've nominated you for the winter awards, for best Dark fic, but unfortunately they already started with the voting.

    Anyway, I just gotta say, I am glad you shared this with us. Thank you. :)

    COMING SOON!

  10. #10
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hero (14)

    Quote Originally Posted by Legacy View Post
    Yup, I read all of them! I was mostly commenting on the latest chapter though. You are an amazing writer!
    Only when I actually write. This was my first work in a long time >_>

    Quote Originally Posted by Lance View Post
    I feel like crap now for changing my user name to Lance ;_;
    Ah, don't worry. Everyone had that feeling after reading this story. :P

    I did read '"Coward" before reading this, and I just want to say I literally laughed out loud.
    I'll send Spiffy (the author of Coward) your compliments. (edit: She says "thanks".)

    I thought it was a great depiction of realistic humor, but your "sequel" no, it was down right cruel. Not that that makes it worse, I loved it. You made an amazing attempt at portraying dramatic irony, and succeeded I might add.
    One of the reasons I ever wrote the sequel in the first place was to write a darker, more cruel version of Coward, featuring somebody who was almost as mentally strong as the protagonist of Coward, but not quite. (She has a name, but I can't tell you that just yet :3) You'll note that the general tone of the story is still anti-anti-cheating, but the premise and ending are totally opposite to that.

    Dramatic irony? First time hearing that one.

    I would've nominated you for the winter awards, for best Dark fic, but unfortunately they already started with the voting.
    You can nominate it for the Spring Awards instead :)

    Anyway, I just gotta say, I am glad you shared this with us. Thank you. :)
    You're welcome. Spiffy and I are teaming up to write a third story, titled Villain. Expect it sometime this year.
    Last edited by Zekurom; 30th January 2013 at 06:17 PM.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

  11. #11
    ^^ Safe-T's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hero (14)

    Quote Originally Posted by Zekurom View Post
    I'll send Spiffy (the author of Coward) your compliments. (edit: She says "thanks".)
    Oh, well she's welcome. :)

    One of the reasons I ever wrote the sequel in the first place was to write a darker, more cruel version of Coward, featuring somebody who was almost as mentally strong as the protagonist of Coward, but not quite. (She has a name, but I can't tell you that just yet :3) You'll note that the general tone of the story is still anti-anti-cheating, but the premise and ending are totally opposite to that.
    Yeah, I noticed. In a sense it's only a sequel in the concept.

    Dramatic irony? First time hearing that one.
    Really? It's pretty obvious.

    You can nominate it for the Spring Awards instead :)
    Will do. ^^

    You're welcome. Spiffy and I are teaming up to write a third story, titled Villain. Expect it sometime this year.
    No way! I can't wait! ^^

    COMING SOON!

  12. #12
    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hero (14)

    Quote Originally Posted by Lance View Post
    One of the reasons I ever wrote the sequel in the first place was to write a darker, more cruel version of Coward, featuring somebody who was almost as mentally strong as the protagonist of Coward, but not quite. (She has a name, but I can't tell you that just yet :3) You'll note that the general tone of the story is still anti-anti-cheating, but the premise and ending are totally opposite to that.
    Yeah, I noticed. In a sense it's only a sequel in the concept.
    And in chronology. All those references to a girl with a Mewtwo from "two years ago" are to the protagonist of Coward.

    You're welcome. Spiffy and I are teaming up to write a third story, titled Villain. Expect it sometime this year.
    No way! I can't wait! ^^
    Well, you'll just have to :P
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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