HeartGold & SoulSilver: Rebirth

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  1. #1
    Registered User NeonTidalWave's Avatar
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    Default HeartGold & SoulSilver: Rebirth

    HeartGold & SoulSilver
    Rebirth


    As a short foreword, I feel I should make a few things apparent. Firstly, this is my very first fan fiction, and so any constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged (if I get my tenses or spelling confused, say so, it all helps). Secondly, I know long fics are not the best to begin with, but I am a relatively experienced writer, and I'm prepared to continue with this story until its conclusion.

    Anyway, now that that is out of the way, I present the Prologue of my fic to you:


    Prologue:

    The air was thick with the scent of flowers, and the sun was bleaching the sky a deep shade of orange as it set beneath the hills surrounding New Bark Town. Summer had finally arrived, bringing with it a warm breeze. People and Pokémon alike were returning home, enjoying the warmth and natural beauty of the evening, looking forward to the weekend.

    A boy set beneath a tree on the edge of the town, looking out over the water that spread to the east. Ripples graced the surface, whilst a small swarm of Qwilfish swam near the shore. It was the perfect scene. The stranger held a pencil and pad in his hands, his eyes concentrating on his sketch, checking everything was in proportion. Apparently satisfied, he leant back, casting his eyes skyward, studying the clouds intently. His deep thought was interrupted, however, by a voice.

    “Sakamoto!” the sound rang out; clear and tuneful, soon followed by its owner. She was young, with hair that fell about her shoulders and bounced as she walked. Her features were soft, a slight smile visible on her lips. She placed a hand against the trunk of the tree, swinging her body round and falling gracefully by his side. The boy turned his head to face her, putting her hand in his as he did so.

    “You OK?” he questioned her, brushing her chestnut hair back as it had fallen over her eyes. Inwardly he laughed at her exasperated expression, he had obviously hidden well. Not that he was hiding from her, of course. He just enjoyed being away from the bustle every once in a while so he could draw in peace.

    “Apart from the last hour I’ve spent trying to find you? I’m fine, thanks for asking.” She replied, a playful look on her face. She wasn’t really upset, just trying to send him on a guilt trip. Sakamoto smiled in return, punching her lightly on the arm.

    “Glad to hear it. Nervous about tomorrow?” he said, sitting up a bit, looking her in the eyes. The mood suddenly got more serious, and the girl was aware of a slight chill as the sun finally disappeared.

    “I suppose. I mean, we are starting our pokémon journey tomorrow, at last.” She said sincerely, her eyes focused on his pale blue ones. She considered how they had waited until their sixteenth birthdays; instead of the traditional tenth, to receive their first pokémon from Professor Elm. Sakamoto had wanted to finish his studies and take the final exam to make sure he was fully qualified. He did want to be a pokémon researcher, after all. Not like her. She wanted to challenge the Pokémon League, and enter the Grand Tournament, like her Grandfather. Still, even with such challenges ahead of her, she knew Sakamoto would be by her side. Just then his thumb moved over hers, soothing the tension she felt, and bringing her back to the present.

    “That’s true.” He stated simply, falling silent. They stayed that way for a long time, with her head in his lap, his hands gently stroking her hair, while she hummed a tune she’d heard on the radio that afternoon.

    After a while he spoke again, “We should probably head back, Kumiko, we’ll want to be up bright and early tomorrow.” And she nodded in agreement, standing up and brushing herself off. Sakamoto did the same, holding her hand once more, and then the two headed back down a slope towards the west, where a small cluster of lights guided them home. A home which they’d soon be leaving to begin their very own Pokémon journey…

    ~~~~~~

    Well, that was the Prologue to my story. I know what you're thinking: pretty unoriginal idea, and I agree, the first section is quite cliché, but as things progress over the next couple of chapters the distinction will become apparent. I don't want to write a traditional 'young-trainer(s)-wish-to-be-pokémon-masters' type fic that you always see. This will focus closely on the relationship of the two main characters, and making sure they're fleshed out into likable, realistic, deep entities you'll enjoy reading about.There will be a larger plot, and their hopes and dreams will definitely be involved, but this story will ultimately be about young love, growing up, and some of the harder facts of life. Please be sure to let me know what you think and what I can do to improve.


    Many thanks,
    NTW

    Next Time: Chapter One; 'You've Gotta Know When To Johto!'
    Last edited by NeonTidalWave; 26th May 2009 at 07:41 AM.

  2. #2
    Serious face Digichamp's Avatar
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    Default Re: HeartGold & SoulSilver: Rebirth

    It's good, but one question, why did you put every single word the characters said in bold

  3. #3
    I shot a god Ryuutakeshi's Avatar Social Media Editor
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    Default Re: HeartGold & SoulSilver: Rebirth

    Hey, I like the bold. Thank you.

    Evil Figment (7:59:44 PM): Ryuu, however shakily you started, I've got to hand it to you that you earned my respect the hard way.

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    Registered User NeonTidalWave's Avatar
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    Default Re: HeartGold & SoulSilver: Rebirth

    Thank you both, I simply put the speech in bold so it's easier to read but if a lot of people find it irksome I'll remove it.

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    Miltank Man! ungulateman's Avatar
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    Default Re: HeartGold & SoulSilver: Rebirth

    Capitalise the Pokemon names.

    Good start, by the way.

  6. #6
    Registered User NeonTidalWave's Avatar
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    Default Re: HeartGold & SoulSilver: Rebirth

    Thank you, and I've gone back and capitalised any Pokemon names, I'll bear that in mind for future chapters.

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    It wasn't much! Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: HeartGold & SoulSilver: Rebirth

    Quote Originally Posted by NeonTidalWave View Post
    Thank you both, I simply put the speech in bold so it's easier to read but if a lot of people find it irksome I'll remove it.

    That's the thing people should know when a character's talking once they see the quotes, it's as simple as that

  8. #8
    Registered User NeonTidalWave's Avatar
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    Default Re: HeartGold & SoulSilver: Rebirth

    I suppose. But I still prefer to put speech in bold, and thoughts in italics, as it just segregates it from normal text, even with speech or quotation marks. Like I said, if a lot of people find it annoying I'll remove it, but really I think it's 'to each their own' in this case.

    I don't mean to sound grouchy it just seems like a minor point to pick up on rather than the actual writing. If I'd done it in bold and bright yellow I'd understand but I personally think it's fine as it is. Thanks for the opinions though, guys.

    I'll let the people decide.

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