.Hack//Garden

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  1. #1
    Its Magida time! Kiratwig's Avatar
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    Default .Hack//Garden

    .Hack//Garden

    This is a story about four game players and their adventure in the videogame “The World” from the .hack series. Darkness looms over “The World” when an enchanted garden of life inside the game becomes corrupted with evil from the deadly poison known as VX Plasma. What is the player Isadores connection with all of it and will the four .hackers be able to purify the garden before everything and everyone in the world becomes infected? Keep reading to find out.
    Chapter One

    The setting is ten years after the last .Hack story…
    Isadore lay in the enchanted garden enjoying the smell of all the pink cherry blossoms around him.
    “The smell of all these flowers is so peaceful" said Isadore.
    “I see you like the garden" said a voice.
    Isadore looked up to see a big muscular man with a flail hanging over his right shoulder looking over him.
    “Hello the name's Sun what’s your name?”
    Isadore just looked at the man.
    “Can you hear me, said Sun? I’m saying hello.”
    Isadore just kept staring.
    “I know you can talk" said Sun, "I heard what you said before.”
    “Go away, said Isadore!”
    “What?”
    “I said go away!”
    What’s your problem" said Sun?
    “You’re here to damage the garden aren’t you" said Isadore raising his weapon?
    “What …no" said Sun frantically!" "I’ve just never seen a tri blade wielder before and I wanted to see if you were powerful.”
    Isadore slashed his blade at Sun.
    “You have no business in this garden, get out.”
    “I guess I have no choice, said Sun”, as he raised his flail to strike Isadore.
    Isadore’s eyes widened as he saw Sun was about to strike him.
    “Ah said Isadore”, as he logged out of the game before Sun could strike.
    “That was weird said Sun I wonder what I did that upset him?”
    Sun logged out leaving the garden as quiet as it was when Isadore was sleeping, unaware that the once pink cherry blossoms turned a dark purple.
    To be continued…
    Last edited by Kiratwig; 2nd March 2009 at 08:45 PM.

    Beware of the Palmtop Tiger

  2. #2
    How is forever? Zephy's Avatar
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    Default Re: .Hack//Garden

    It seemed mysterious in a good way.
    I haven't seen the animé so that explains the mysterious part.
    Last edited by Zephy; 2nd March 2009 at 08:39 PM.

    Hi, I'd like to transform you into a yeti.
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  3. #3
    Eeny Leeney Miny Mo! *Leeney*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: .Hack//Garden

    Cool character development for the beginning. Sun is the good guy right?

    ~Dressed for success

  4. #4
    Its Magida time! Kiratwig's Avatar
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    Default Re: .Hack//Garden

    Here's the next chapter

    Chapter 2

    The next day...
    Sun sat in Town Square pondering about the incident that happened yesterday.
    “I wonder what that guys problem was, all I did was try and say hello.”
    “I see your still trying to be the friendly type Sun “said a voice.
    Sun looked over to see a girl walking towards him in a green robe with a golden staff in her hands.
    “Hey Adela I didn’t know you were logged in today.”
    “I had the day off from work today so why I thought why not “said Adela.
    “I had the strangest experience yesterday “said Sun.
    “What happened?”
    “I was in the Enchanted Garden looking for some items when all of a sudden I saw this kid sleeping in the garden I thought I’d say hello but when I did he started to attack me!”
    “That is strange” said Adela “Maybe you just startled him?”
    “Yeah you’re probably right” said Sun.
    “Anything planned for today” said Adela?
    “I was thinking I go back to the Garden to see if that kid was still there.”
    “Mind if I tag along this time?”
    “Be my guest.”
    Sun and Adela activated there transporter charms and transported to the Garden to see if that kid was still there.
    Sun and Adela arrived at the Enchanted Garden.
    “Where was the last place you saw him” said Adela?
    “Resting by the cherry blossom trees” said Sun,
    “I don’t see anyone” said Adela.
    “That’s strange” said Sun, I’m sure he’d be here?”
    All of a sudden Isadore jumped out of one of the cherry blossom trees and struck Sun with his tri blade.
    “Ugh” said Sun.
    “Sun are you alright” said Adela!
    “I think so said Sun; I didn’t lose too much hp.”
    “How dare you do this to the trees” said Isadore, raising his blade.
    “What did I do” said Sun?!
    “You’re the one who turned the cherry blossoms purple” said Isadore.
    “What, no I didn’t!”
    “Then who did” said Isadore.
    “Look just stay calm” said Adela.
    “Shut up, no one hurts the trees in this garden” said Isadore. “If they do I hurt them, prepare to be erased from the world.”
    To be continued…

    Beware of the Palmtop Tiger

  5. #5
    Eeny Leeney Miny Mo! *Leeney*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: .Hack//Garden

    Yay! A cliffhanger

    ~Dressed for success

  6. #6
    It wasn't much! Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: .Hack//Garden

    Well you got a good plot and good characters. Now remember the quotations marks go before he/she said, also if your character is going to talk again you have to put a period and then go to the next sentence. You'll need to use more grammar and a little more description of the enviroment or the people and even the sorroundings, other than that it's pretty good

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