Are you getting fed-up of this review format yet?
I finally caught you! wheezing! Beyond that I'm reduced to questioning stylistic choices. Well, the point-of-view could be tightened up a little - Lucas notes that Poliwag loks tired, but how would he know the reason? Normally I wouldn't even bother mentioning it, but I've got to point something out.
Despite stuff happening, this story's still taking it's time, which is good. I like to see journeyfics take more than three chapters to get to the first gym. I like that you've thought about pokémon beyond game data. It's a real surprise to see someone treat an oddish seriously in their work (Coming from the guy who cast a ledyba as a starter xD)
I'm glad you didn't use "Green" as Gary's forename. It's that one manga trope I really can't stand. I can certainly buy Gary as an older version of the guy from the anime - there's a hint of the old bravado there, but it's far more good-natured than the young!Gary ever came out with, and I think that's appropriate. Not too sure about the hooded fellow yet, but we'll see where that goes
Not quite as fulfilling as the last chapter, but still a worthy piece all the same