The Girl Who Knows the Hearts of Dragons - Author's Notes - 5/4/13 - Page 2
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 16 to 28 of 28

Thread: The Girl Who Knows the Hearts of Dragons - Author's Notes - 5/4/13

  1. #16

    Default Re: The Girl Who Knows the Hearts of Dragons - Updated - Chapter 3

    Chapter 3 hype!!
    - Well, I guess there's a time for smart strategy and a time for going in gung-ho, and Iris...chose wisely. For a while, at least.
    - Neat how even a person with a profession like Tommy could be "normal" when he's not doing his thing. The moment with the Growlithe was quite adorable.
    - Dragons must have pretty smelly blood. It does have a scent, I mean, but usually not noticeable by most noses. Although, I'd like to think Iris is just crazy/so wild a girl and thus has a nose for blood. :D
    - Iris goin' right in, god damn. O_O
    - So the Baron's Weavile can go toe-to-toe with a Dragonite, but it can't hit an agile Swablu? Nice job, Baron von Bitchcakes. At least he calls it out on it!
    - Wonder how that pissed off Hydreigon was caught to begin with? The poachers must have some serious shit in reserve, or caught it on a bad day, or something.
    - And Tommy flies the coop. How loyal.
    - Wasn't expecting a dragon poacher to have a Fearow. Although then again, nothing that flies really fits the theme. Well, Articuno I guess, but if he had one of those it's like who cares?
    - I like how the battle got seriously dangerous and out of control.
    - Ryuu's Shelgon's still a Shelgon? What have you been - or rather, not been doing Ryuu?
    - ;_' Druddigon

    I forgot, but wasn't it said Iris was afraid of Hydreigon somewhere or something? A traumatic incident like this fits quite well for reasoning. It'll be interesting to see where the story goes from here, given that no hint has been given as to where it will go in the next chapter. Wonder what we'll see~

  2. #17
    Not A Piece of Cake Bubble Frog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Kalos
    Posts
    4,565
    Blog Entries
    186

    Follow Bubble Frog on Tumblr

    Default Re: The Girl Who Knows the Hearts of Dragons - Updated - Chapter 3

    Quote Originally Posted by AetherX View Post
    Let's try this again :P
    I appreciate it, Bulbagarden can be a pain in the regard that keys and such expire if the page is open too long.pes.
    I have to say though, it took me several read-throughs to understand the whole Druddigon situation. Let me see if I got this right: the female was the one injured at first, while the male was the one that fought the Hydreigon. The male later died from his wounds (very well done death scene, by the way. It highlighted Iris's youth. I hope to see more of this dragon-whisperer stuff in the future), while the female died during childbirth? Or did the female not die? The whole thing was kind of unclear, especially because I don't think you clarified which was the male and which was the female at the beginning, but correct me if I'm wrong.
    The female one was injured fairly badly due to being whipped, she and the male escaped but the male returned to fight Hydreigon. Yes he later died and the female died during childbirth, correct. And thank you, I absolutely have never written death scenes before.
    All in all, good job. I see the fear of Hydreigon becoming important.
    Indeed, it will become important later on.
    I get the feeling that this chapter is considerably more important than it comes across as. Is there a trope for that? I think of it as the "A Day in the Life" after the EverymanHybrid video, if you follow the Slenderman mythos. But I digress...
    I don't follow Slenderman so I can't say :I But, yeah this chapter did seem a bit not important but there are a few things it has set-up that will occur later.
    Whatever happened to the other dragons? As in, the Vibrava, Shelgon, and Charmeleon? They kind of disappeared after Hydreigon broke loose. I'm assuming they just ran away, but I don't think you say anywhere.
    Indeed, they did escape. It was only in a brief line so you might have missed it:

    Each ringing of the cage in-sync with Baron’s fearful heartbeats, before long bars were down, freeing the raging atrocity as well as nearly every other Dragon who saw a chance at freedom and took it with no hesitation. Only two remained, the male Druddigon was doing his best to steadily help his hurt mate toward freedom.
    Why the tent? Isn't it a medical clinic in the first place?
    It's more so for the sake of them being broken messes and the Hydreigon of course potentially being dangerous so it might not be best to confine them in a house-like clinic. Though I can see how that might be pointless, thanks for pointing it out.
    I still want to see more of Mira. She seems like a cool character but she's been restricted to minor support so far.
    I'm surprised, considering that Mira has never really been a super important character in this story and you're like the third person to comment that to me about her being a cool character.
    Iris seems simultaneously mature for her age and yet it's too a point that I'm okay with.
    Yeah, an eight-year-old doing all what she did might bend the suspension of belief to an extent. I tried to watch out for that because she's still just a kid and try to *somewhat* justify her maturity due to Ryuu's care.
    She's young, and you've included some things that go along with that. I suppose the perceived maturity could be given to the way she was raised (which we still don't really know a ton about). Just try to keep in mind that this is an eight year old we're talking about. I liked her interaction with Swablu, it really showed a lot about her character. In fact, Swablu seemed like a good character on its own. I love me some quality Pokemon characterization.
    Thank you and yeah, I noticed Iris's maturity. I'll try to be more cautious of that as well.
    Baron continued to be the cliche villain. Nothing wrong with that. I still find Tommy interesting, so I hope we see more of this pair in the future. Not much else to say on this front.
    We haven't seen the last of one of those, I wouldn't introduce them if they didn't have a purpose later. :P I'm very partial about characters being plot-devices, so we will we be seeing more in the future.

    WRITING: You've improved significantly from the first chapter, but I still stand by what I said in this section of my first review. Less is more when it comes to word choice, especially adjectives. If you find yourself using several adjectives for one subject, try replacing them with one powerful adjective. Better yet, choose a noun or verb that doesn't require an adjective. If you want some specific examples just say the word, but I'm going to move on since it's basically what I was saying last time. Like I said though, these chapters are significantly better in that regard compared to the first. To finish off, here's some random stuff I caught:
    Thank you for the kind words, I actually spent a good deal of time cleaning up that and trying to improve upon it. I always like getting my dialogue and description criticized because it helps me out immensely.

    Thank you for pointing out those grammatical errors, again I really like that because it allows me to go back and clean-up those kinks.

    OVERALL: Quite a good pair of chapters. I thoroughly enjoyed the action, but I'm eager to see how you handle the downtime between fast paced scenes like those. As always my advice is to proofread, particularly with the adjective stuff I mentioned in mind. Can't wait for more!
    Thank you for the review, it was really helpful.

    Quote Originally Posted by System Error View Post
    Chapter 3 hype!!
    - Dragons must have pretty smelly blood. It does have a scent, I mean, but usually not noticeable by most noses. Although, I'd like to think Iris is just crazy/so wild a girl and thus has a nose for blood. :D
    Wait it isn't? Yeah, yeah. ;p It touches on Iris's wild senses.

    - Wonder how that pissed off Hydreigon was caught to begin with? The poachers must have some serious shit in reserve, or caught it on a bad day, or something.
    This is mostly something I wanted to leave up to interpretation. I imagine the poachers could have gotten the jump on it in its sleep or something.

    - And Tommy flies the coop. How loyal.
    life >>>>>> money. :p

    - Wasn't expecting a dragon poacher to have a Fearow. Although then again, nothing that flies really fits the theme. Well, Articuno I guess, but if he had one of those it's like who cares?
    Yeah, Fearow was pretty much escape, plot-device fodder.

    - I like how the battle got seriously dangerous and out of control.
    Thank you, that was one of the key things this chapter I was trying to convey.

    - Ryuu's Shelgon's still a Shelgon? What have you been - or rather, not been doing Ryuu?
    That was actually Mira's Shelgon, it was first seen in Chapter one and I had it pointed out in the dialogue. The Shelgon under the command of Ryuu in Chapter two and the Shelgon here are not the same Pokemon. Sorry, I should have made that clearer since they are same species of Pokemon. My bad.

    I forgot, but wasn't it said Iris was afraid of Hydreigon somewhere or something? A traumatic incident like this fits quite well for reasoning. It'll be interesting to see where the story goes from here, given that no hint has been given as to where it will go in the next chapter. Wonder what we'll see~
    Actually that was something I made completely up, I figured it could serve as a nice vector for future developments in the story. Plus Hydreigon is a very cute Dragon. :P

    Thank you for the review SE!

  3. #18

    Default Re: The Girl Who Knows the Hearts of Dragons - Updated - Chapter 3

    I haven't read a good fanfiction in years. But this isn't bad, not bad at all, I like how you use the introduction, it would be very useful for those who don't know much about Pokemon or are new to the Pokemon franchise. Lol Iris is late for class, guess she's not in any way a school girl. And it would be just like her to go after the villians with no hesitation or thought of the dangers she's getting herself into. Its nice to see another positive Iris fanfiction for once.

    What really is bothering me is that I am anxiously awaiting to see more!!! Because you wrote and planned everything so well, very well on the beginning/pilot. It reminds me of a few movies I seen. Lowly poachers, invading a village. I also like that Iris takes the concept of a heroic badass 8 year old. I strangely feel happy reading your fanfic. No really I'm happy!!! Glad to see you used the OG Dragon type Dragonite!!

    Sorry it took so long but I finally managed to take time out of my busy/boring life to read this Iris Fanfiction. Can't wait to read more!! I'm not the best reviewer but I tried.

    I have yet to finish Ch 2 and 3 the first review was for Ch.1 just thought I'd point it out.
    Last edited by Dark Hurricane; 23rd February 2013 at 02:58 PM.

  4. #19
    Not A Piece of Cake Bubble Frog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Kalos
    Posts
    4,565
    Blog Entries
    186

    Follow Bubble Frog on Tumblr

    Default Re: The Girl Who Knows the Hearts of Dragons - Updated - Chapter 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Pikachu_with_a_Light_Ball View Post
    I haven't read a good fanfiction in years. But this isn't bad, not bad at all, I like how you use the introduction, it would be very useful for those who don't know much about Pokemon or are new to the Pokemon franchise.
    Aw, yes, I didn't see any better way to introduce the readers to this Game verse fic. than to implement a sorta beginning-like opening, which I stole from the anime's movies. Unfortunately I simply did it for the sake of thinking it would be a visibly good way to intro the story rather than having any purpose such as being considerate of new or non-Pokemon fans reading this. XD I have been a bit worried that it does come off as very out-of-place due to the sense of newness that the audience should know fully well about. Thank you for the kind words, I'm surprised to see you haven't read a good fanfiction in years. It really does mean a lot that someones thinks my fanfic is good.
    Lol Iris is late for class, guess she's not in any way a school girl.
    Yep, plus she has a pretty bad sense of time.
    And it would be just like her to go after the villians with no hesitation or thought of the dangers she's getting herself into. Its nice to see another positive Iris fanfiction for once.
    Somewhat surprising given at the tender age of eight-years-old most would probably recoil in fear of such a thing, then I remembered that this is a franchise about children using fire-breathing beast and threw caution to the wind a bit. Yep, Iris is a bit of a fire-cracker and somewhat cocky at her current age. During that time in our childhood where we think we know it all and have gotten it all figured until we fall on our faces and realize the mistakes we've made. Yep, Iris is definitely "mature"(Using the term loosely here.) and has a lot of blind bravery for her current age which I chalk up to her childish behavior at times.

    What really is bothering me is that I am anxiously awaiting to see more!!! Because you wrote and planned everything so well, very well on the beginning/pilot. It reminds me of a few movies I seen. Lowly poachers, invading a village. I also like that Iris takes the concept of a heroic badass 8 year old. I strangely feel happy reading your fanfic. No really I'm happy!!! Glad to see you used the OG Dragon type Dragonite!!
    That's surprising, I must say. XD I've always thought(But never been really told.) that my chapters were so immense that reading them might come off as a chore more than anything else. Probably helps that I've had quite a lot of these chapters planned out since last Summer, yeah I'm a slow rabbit when it comes to beginnings. =P Thank you, I personally looked back and thought the poachers were a tad too "plot-devicy" and generic, though I'm glad to see you enjoy the turmoil they bring to the beginning. I couldn't resist using a Dragonite given it's one of my favorite Dragon Pokemon and competitive Pokemon and seems befitting of someone like Ryuu given its status of, like you said, the OG Dragon XD I wanted to somewhat have it embody a "typical" benevolent Dragon you might see in fairy tale stories.(Able to fly, Fire-using(Fire Punch), very scaley(Multiscale), and Dragonite has a very kind nature(Most people I've come across think Dragonite looks like an orange Barney :P) appearance. Plus, being a reference-makin' sorta guy, I thought it would only fitting Ryuu would own a Kairyu :P(Dragonite's Japanese name)
    Sorry it took so long but I finally managed to take time out of my busy/boring life to read this Iris Fanfiction. Can't wait to read more!! I'm not the best reviewer but I tried.
    Thank you, I appreciate any and all reviews or comments. No really, it was pleasant surprise given I didn't expect someone to just up and decide to read this out-of-the-blue. ^^

    I have yet to finish Ch 2 and 3 the first review was for Ch.1 just thought I'd point it out.
    With good reason given the former might be a pain to read given its length and the latter was recently posted(Okay, my definition of recently X)
    Last edited by Bubble Frog; 24th February 2013 at 06:09 PM.

  5. #20
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    The Old World.
    Posts
    2,245
    Blog Entries
    330

    Default §1-3 Review

    The 'Fic of the Month' feature made me interested in this story. This is a review of Chapter 1.

    The first thing I want to command you on is not being afraid to mash different canons together. From the first few paragraphs of the story, it was evident that, while this story primarily follows the events of the games, there are some influences from the Anime. Introducing original characters is also a great thing, and I personally find it difficult to mix original characters with canon character, but since we already know how Iris is going to turn out, having Ryuu and Mira adds a certain element of speculation and intrigue to the story.

    Of course, it was a typical starting chapter, but some variations made it amazing. The fact that Iris didn't jump in to help the Dragon-types was probably more telling of her character than any other action. That is followed by her going after the van, and from that sequence of decisions, combined with what we know before; it seems to me that Iris's admiration for Ryuu is what kept her from joining the battle. It's not necessarily a fear of failure, but a fear of failure when Ryuu is around. The fact that he was teaching her about Dragon-types, and how to care for them, meant that he could not see her falter.

    While the battle was intriguing, I couldn't help but feel that it carried a common problem that reoccured throughout this chapter. As has been mentioned by other reviewers, there are a few awkward sentences here and there. Some take you out of the story, and some are easy to breeze over. The only solution that I found helpful to me when I encountered this problem is reading. Books of different authors, and even fanfiction. Analysing how those are written can be a great way of developing your own style for writing sentences.

    Aside from that, it was a great first chapter. I'll definitely read more when I have the chance. Keep it up!

    On a side note: I couldn't imagine Mira without thinking of Mira, but that's just a personal gripe with the story.

    EDIT: Chapters 2 & 3.

    These two chapters were very interesting. The battle between Ryuu and Drayden was very well-done, and the battle between the Swablu and the Weavile, combined with Iris's action during it, as well as the caged Dragons, was successful in making that sequence engaging. Great job on that, because it could've easily been messy and hectic, but you managed to keep it all coherent and flowing. However, the battle between Hydreigon and Druddigon took me out of the story. The fact that you were referring to Pokémon by their species' name, in the case, was a bad choice in my opinion. I found myself constantly remembering who each Pokémon was, because "Brutal" could easily describe either Pokémon, as well as "Cave", as Hydreigon's pre-evolutions are usually found in the cave of Victory Road. Try to find more specific traits, and in this case, you could've just referred to Hydreigon as the "airborne Pokémon", and to Druddigon as the "injured Pokémon", which would've had the bonus of doing a much better job of emphasising the Pokémon's condition coming into the battle.

    I thought Druddigon's death was very well-done for the male, but unexpected for the female. As soon as the battle was over, and Ryuu refused to assure Iris of what would happen to Druddigon, his death slowly dawned on me, but him living was still a possibility. Again, thin line, and great job of walking it! As I said though, the female Druddigon's death was unexpected, mostly because her injuries didn't seem as severe as the male's, but that's just my personal perception of it. Reading it seemed forced, but looking back, there was an emphasis on her injuries by the poachers, and the fact that carrying an egg that she put all her energy into keeping safe could have been what pushed her to her limits. Ryuu teaching Iris about Dragon eggs, and how they differ from other eggs, could be a great lesson and explanation for the Druddigon's death, since they take longer to hatch in the games.

    Regarding the technical stuff:

    Quote Originally Posted by Gotpika View Post
    Iris still was hesitant had no one there to confine her feelings to except Swablu.
    A sentence that I couldn't understand. I got the message it was trying to convey, but it took rereading it to do so. Missing a few words, and could be better. For example: "Iris was still hesitant, as she had no there to confide her feelings in but Swablu."

    Confine: Limit or restrict.
    Confide: Tell secrets or trust in.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gotpika View Post
    Blood gradually began to spill from the wound, all Abomasnow did was struggle helplessly, soon Hydreigon let go only after the Pokémon had fallen unconscious.
    Should get rid of "Soon", and maybe rework the bolded part.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gotpika View Post
    The maiden looked up at the horrendous face of Hydreigon once more as it continued its rampage, trying [?] kill anything that so much as moved, viewing it as an enemy.
    Missed a "To" (That sounds funny).

    Quote Originally Posted by Gotpika View Post
    There would have to be surgeries often every few years or possibly months,
    Probably meant to have these things switched.

    Finally, great chapters. Engaging at parts, but can seem disjointed at others. Could use some proofreading, but it was good overall, and it got the message across better than most other stories. Great work! Keep it up!
    Last edited by Kyuuketsuki; 12th March 2013 at 10:15 PM.

  6. #21
    Not A Piece of Cake Bubble Frog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Kalos
    Posts
    4,565
    Blog Entries
    186

    Follow Bubble Frog on Tumblr

    Default Re: §1-3 Review

    I can finally respond to this!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyuuketsuki View Post
    The first thing I want to command you on is not being afraid to mash different canons together. From the first few paragraphs of the story, it was evident that, while this story primarily follows the events of the games, there are some influences from the Anime. Introducing original characters is also a great thing, and I personally find it difficult to mix original characters with canon character, but since we already know how Iris is going to turn out, having Ryuu and Mira adds a certain element of speculation and intrigue to the story.
    Indeed, I did borrow somethings from the anime canon(Vine-swinging, battling aspect) while many other things came from the game canon. Thank you, I actually am not too fond of writing OCs so I was bit out of my element there.

    Of course, it was a typical starting chapter, but some variations made it amazing. The fact that Iris didn't jump in to help the Dragon-types was probably more telling of her character than any other action. That is followed by her going after the van, and from that sequence of decisions, combined with what we know before; it seems to me that Iris's admiration for Ryuu is what kept her from joining the battle. It's not necessarily a fear of failure, but a fear of failure when Ryuu is around. The fact that he was teaching her about Dragon-types, and how to care for them, meant that he could not see her falter.
    That's an interesting and direct way of looking at it, that was my intentional for a bit as well as the unwavering fear that was around the area at the time of the attack.
    While the battle was intriguing, I couldn't help but feel that it carried a common problem that reoccured throughout this chapter. As has been mentioned by other reviewers, there are a few awkward sentences here and there. Some take you out of the story, and some are easy to breeze over. The only solution that I found helpful to me when I encountered this problem is reading. Books of different authors, and even fanfiction. Analysing how those are written can be a great way of developing your own style for writing sentences.
    Agreeing completely with this, awkward dialogue and wording is something I've been working on immensely since day one and it really is a key element in writing. It can make or break a reading experience on a dime, just like that. It's a huge cause for concern for me, I try to work toward making everything flow well in description and detail that I think I might have faltered a bit in some scenes. Though I've made it an effort in every future chapter to go over them quite a few times before posting them for that sake specifically, not to mention grammar as well.

    On a side note: I couldn't imagine Mira without thinking of Mira, but that's just a personal gripe with the story.
    ^^;; Yeah, unfortunately.

    These two chapters were very interesting. The battle between Ryuu and Drayden was very well-done, and the battle between the Swablu and the Weavile, combined with Iris's action during it, as well as the caged Dragons, was successful in making that sequence engaging. Great job on that, because it could've easily been messy and hectic, but you managed to keep it all coherent and flowing.
    Thank you, this actually made me smile when I read it. :P
    However, the battle between Hydreigon and Druddigon took me out of the story. The fact that you were referring to Pokémon by their species' name, in the case, was a bad choice in my opinion. I found myself constantly remembering who each Pokémon was, because "Brutal" could easily describe either Pokémon, as well as "Cave", as Hydreigon's pre-evolutions are usually found in the cave of Victory Road. Try to find more specific traits, and in this case, you could've just referred to Hydreigon as the "airborne Pokémon", and to Druddigon as the "injured Pokémon", which would've had the bonus of doing a much better job of emphasising the Pokémon's condition coming into the battle.
    I see, I'll keep that in mind in the future. Things got a bit too wild in that scene and it's perfectly understandable you might have been confused by the constant use of species names. In-general, I'm cutting down use of species names because it can come off as overly reductive and a outputting at times. I appreciate you pointing this out because it really does let me know what I really need to work on and keep an eye out for in the future. Most definitely looking back I wish I was more alert to that.
    I thought Druddigon's death was very well-done for the male, but unexpected for the female. As soon as the battle was over, and Ryuu refused to assure Iris of what would happen to Druddigon, his death slowly dawned on me, but him living was still a possibility. Again, thin line, and great job of walking it! As I said though, the female Druddigon's death was unexpected, mostly because her injuries didn't seem as severe as the male's, but that's just my personal perception of it.
    Death is something I have zero experience with so it's nice to know I did a somewhat good job, I didn't want the Druddigon to die just for death's sake. I wanted to convey something through their deaths in a way, once again, I'm glad to be reassured I did good job at that.
    Reading it seemed forced, but looking back, there was an emphasis on her injuries by the poachers, and the fact that carrying an egg that she put all her energy into keeping safe could have been what pushed her to her limits. Ryuu teaching Iris about Dragon eggs, and how they differ from other eggs, could be a great lesson and explanation for the Druddigon's death, since they take longer to hatch in the games.
    Are you psychic? 0_o I actually made note of that in my next chapter. Good thing I brought up the emphasis on her being injured, I didn't want something small like that to fade into obscurity and the reader to forget since it was one of the lesser worries of the whole ordeal.
    Regarding the technical stuff:

    Quote Originally Posted by Gotpika View Post
    Iris still was hesitant had no one there to confine her feelings to except Swablu.
    A sentence that I couldn't understand. I got the message it was trying to convey, but it took rereading it to do so. Missing a few words, and could be better. For example: "Iris was still hesitant, as she had no there to confide her feelings in but Swablu."

    Confine: Limit or restrict.
    Confide: Tell secrets or trust in.
    Whoops, my bad on that. I went back and made a correction.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gotpika View Post
    Blood gradually began to spill from the wound, all Abomasnow did was struggle helplessly, soon Hydreigon let go only after the Pokémon had fallen unconscious.
    Should get rid of "Soon", and maybe rework the bolded part.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gotpika View Post
    The maiden looked up at the horrendous face of Hydreigon once more as it continued its rampage, trying [?] kill anything that so much as moved, viewing it as an enemy.
    Missed a "To" (That sounds funny).

    Quote Originally Posted by Gotpika View Post
    There would have to be surgeries often every few years or possibly months,
    Probably meant to have these things switched.
    I went back and fixed these the minute I received your review, thanks for pointing them out.

    Finally, great chapters. Engaging at parts, but can seem disjointed at others. Could use some proofreading, but it was good overall, and it got the message across better than most other stories. Great work! Keep it up!
    Once again I really am grateful you went to so much trouble to write such an extensive and in-depth review. These chapters must have been a session to read given their combined length apparently amounts to around 18K words. That's just three chapter so far, I feel honored.

  7. #22
    Not A Piece of Cake Bubble Frog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Kalos
    Posts
    4,565
    Blog Entries
    186

    Follow Bubble Frog on Tumblr

    Default Re: The Girl Who Knows the Hearts of Dragons - Updated - Chapter 3

    A/N:Here we go, I hit the ground running a bit. The aftermath of everything and the leap toward Iris's future with Drayden. I am bit nervous about a few idea I implemented in this chapter, though it took a while and I appreciate any and all criticism I can get.


    @Chiplet; @Soulmaster; @HumanDawn;

    Chapter 4 A Future Beyond the Village!


    “Welcome to the Village of Dragons! I hope you all enjoyed your time on Virbank City Virga Traveling! Where destinations near, in, and around Unova are just a boat ride away!”

    The sun was shining like a welcoming beacon to the people disembarking from the ferry. One man took his time leaving the boat, as he took in the nostalgic aura of the typical Dragon Village sky.

    One thing he noticed immediately was how much more life was in the area around the village compared to before. He speculated that the population of dragons must have gone up greatly over the years.

    “Ryuu’s clearly found success in his endeavor....” Drayden kept examining the world around him.

    It was a very nice day for the residents of the village; the weather was akin to something Drayden might see in the tropical climate of Undella Town. Despite how lovely it was, he was there strictly on business and idle downtime was the last thing on the man’s mind.

    As a trainer and person who was committed to the development of imperative aspects in his life, he was pursuing strength in multiple ways, both as a trainer and as an individual.

    Drayden had traveled all over the world looking for a successor, even faraway areas like Kanto and Sinnoh, and had yet to come across one person to catch his eye.

    His ultimate goal of finding a certain someone had reached its end the day he met her. Who that someone was, he simply didn’t know for the longest of time however, meeting her and being around her so long had finally made Drayden fully realize she was the one.

    The man decided to return to Unova and go back to basics a bit. It was ironic the remote Village of Dragons right outside the Unova Region was the destination where his search concluded.

    His old stomping grounds he often spent time at during his youth was a very fitting place to survey if he truly wanted to find exceptional trainers, he had an old friend that lived in the village after all.

    His companion had been a very amazing trainer in many regards and areas, unfortunately, he had never truly fostered his talents and brought out his latent potential in the same way Drayden had.

    Training and honing his own skills through experiencing the world made Drayden as strong as he was today, in mind and body. He would take on the job of bestowing his blessing on one special person who he was there to pick up. Drayden wasted no time making it toward Ryuu’s house.

    -:-

    “Yahoooo!” Iris yelled while careening from a branch, landing on the ground with ease. It didn’t matter how many times she would do that, there was always something freeing about vine-swinging that made her enjoy it so much. The feeling of flying was serene, yet exciting, the fun it gave her couldn’t be duplicated.

    “You should try this buddy! I checked over there, I didn’t find any really good looking flowers though I got us something to eat.”

    Iris’s Pokémon’s rough, red face showed a cheery grin, in her burly blue arms were a vast assortment of freshly-picked flowers. Iris pulled two Oran Berries from her pocket. She walked over and fed the Druddigon one while she took a bite out of the other. Both relished the juicy, sweetness of the fruit while staring at the batch of newly found plants in her Pokémon’s arms.

    “Those are all nice.” Iris marveled at them, “Sorry, I wasn’t too much help, I got sidetracked when I got hungry,” she continued to talk partly with her mouth full of pieces of chewed up Oran, wiping the juices from her mouth as she finished the last of it.

    “Speaking of being sidetracked, I can’t be late today, that’s a sure thing. It would look bad since it’s my last test, remember?” she said simply to her beloved Pokémon. “There’s no telling what Ryuu’s got up his sleeve, it could even be a battle against Dragonite. Imagine if you had to beat one of Ryuu’s Pokémon in order for me to pass, Dragonite maybe? Imagine, starter versus starter!”

    Druddigon looked visually unnerved by the idea of having to face off against Ryuu’s powerhouse, she knew the full-extent of Dragonite’s strength. In training sessions, Iris’s mentor wouldn’t even have his Pokémon use half of his normal dynamism, as the younger creature would easily be overwhelmed by the much more experienced Dragon.

    “Druddi,” the Pokémon attempted to protest against the idea, going up against the benevolent monstrosity, seriously, might cause her to faint on the spot. Iris was too wrapped up in her own enthusiasm however to notice.

    “After that I’ll officially be an official trainer who can catch official Pokémon and have battles being judged by official....officials,” that comment managed to elicit a light-hearted smirk from her mild-mannered beast. “Still can’t believe I got you two years ago....has it really been that long?”

    The girl looked up to the much taller Druddigon, she had come a long way from when she was just an infant Dragon. Iris had watched over her egg like a mother, and the day she hatched Iris formed a connection with her. Doing many things with her: training her, bathing her, feeding her, and even sleeping next to her at night.

    The fact she had cared so much for Druddigon since then is what led to her even being the fine Dragon she was today. Ryuu and Mira played a large role in that as well since Iris, despite tending to act more than her age at times, was only still a child herself.

    Since then Iris had sprouted a more than noticeable amount compared to her previously diminutive height. She hadn’t just changed in size either, she had a notable increase in maturity as a person. That mostly had to do with, once again, being under the watchful eyes of Mira and Ryuu, who both cared for her unconditionally.

    “It’s all so exciting, I feel like I’m gonna explode. Let’s go ahead and do what we need to do and then we can go on to Ryuu’s!”

    Druddigon just smiled while carrying the flowers in her arms, Iris ran full-speed toward where they had to go. The Cave Pokémon began to fall behind and threw caution to the wind in regards to the flowers and powered on alongside her trainer with all the speed she could muster.

    “No way I’m losing!” Iris jetted past her Pokémon, who was barely keeping up. In a matter of minutes the pair of young girls had made it to their short-distanced destination, both labored for breathing as they slowed to a gradual walk and took in the sights a bit.

    The sky had turned cloudless in the trek toward the area for their small task, allowing more rays of sunlight to grace the empty area with their presence. It was almost completely surrounded by many beautiful, white lilies that Iris always was told, by Mira, were planted there to symbolize something more.

    To make a statement about the area...to show just how much that place meant to the villagers, to show how much they strived to truly work alongside Dragons compared to the old days and how they had changed for the better.

    Iris and Druddigon trudged through the flowers and came upon two lumpy mounds of dirt. It seemed like no matter how many times they would visit the area those dirt piles would remain unchanged.

    The young girl was almost sure she could remember every speck of dirt around them, not even a stone could go unturned without her noticing. That’s just how much the range of area meant to her, it was simply the essence of life in her eyes.

    She secured the flowers from the young Pokémon’s arms and proceeded to place one of the sweet-smelling daisies on the left mound of soil. One by one she, carefully, placed the flora on the respected spot until she was down to one. Each side had an equal amount of flowers, so the very last one went right between the two graves without hesitation, somehow it felt right to her to do that.

    “This is probably gonna be our last day here for a while,” the young girl said as she patted her brawny friend’s head, trying to suppress her slightly shakened demeanor and faced the graves. “We’ll both keep training no matter what. I thought it was amazing how Ryuu was able to make you open your hearts to him so quickly, I realized the only way he was able to do that is because of how long he had been working toward it, Drayden told me that. I’m gonna be able to do the same perfectly someday, if I do it like him I’ll be able to be understand more Dragons better. That’s why I’ll keep trying.”

    Iris's eyes were slightly watery as she finished her spiel directed at the heavens. However, she quickly suppressed this small slip in her emotions.

    Druddigon had no words for the occasion, opting to stay silent as she was unable to conjure any truly meaningful emotions.

    Even though they were her parents, the Pokémon didn’t feel much emotion about hovering near their graves in the same way Iris did. Druddigon didn’t know her parents and thus didn’t have any type of connection with them and couldn’t really feel any deep feelings.

    A lot of Pokémon that came from eggs didn’t even get to meet their parents, so it was hardly a travesty for her that she didn’t have the opportunity to be raised by two of her own kind. Iris(and Ryuu and Mira), filled that role very well.

    In all honesty they might as well have been two complete strangers to her, it did make her feel awkward to see Iris get so distraught by seeing them while she, herself, simply remained emotionless.

    The death of the Dragon’s mother and father was due to the devious actions of a gang of Pokémon thieves, Iris remembered it all too well. If she ever came across those low-life poachers, even one of them, ever again she would teach them a lesson for sure and get back at them for their awful deed.

    Expecting to ever see the poachers again seemed like little more than a pipe dream given that they last were seen two years ago, Iris likely would never come across them again in her life.

    The father had suffered critical injuries from dealing with a raging Hydreigon and the mother had taken a very brutal whipping, coupled with her being pregnant, she reached her limit quickly. It was especially painful and emotionally taxing with trying to protect her unborn child.

    She remembered the father requested one thing of Iris before being euthanized and, completely sticking to what the papa Dragon’s last wishes were, Iris took very good care of his child.

    She showered the Cave Pokémon with love and affection and for Iris, being an eager child herself, a natural sense of cheery behavior and care emanated from her when it came to interacting with her first ever Pokémon.

    Druddigon was unofficially Iris’s starter Pokémon, having no Poké Ball to show for it, but battling under her command loyally, more than willing to follow her orders like a true captured Pokémon would.

    Normally such Pokémon were hard to control right off the bat, the fact Iris had deepened her relationship with her since her birth two years ago was the only reason she was even allowed to use such a Pokémon.

    Smaller Pokémon were usually the norm for children for a reason, specifically, due to them being easy to control and fairly weak, posing little to no threat to an inexperienced owner. Ryuu was willing to grant some leeway given the circumstances behind Iris obtaining Druddigon and his close supervision.

    The young girl got up off of the ground and looked up at the sky, a renewed sense of motivation seemed to overtake her as she jumped in the air and shouted.

    “First I’ll clear my final test with Ryuu, then it’s toward Unova with Drayden!”

    Both of the young souls headed toward Iris’s caretaker’s home, leaving the resting place of the deceased creatures behind, but still as Iris left, she couldn’t help but think back to when she had met that man. The Unova Gym Leader and mayor of Opelucid.

    The one who had the potential to change her life.

    ~:~

    Eight months after the horrific disaster that befell the Dragon Village had come and gone, the meeting of an important figure in Iris’s life was approaching.

    “Okay, Druddigon, let’s go!”

    Iris stood on one side of the battlefield with a young man opposite her position, judging the battle was Drayden. A small group of people had gathered around to watch as the battle raged on in the middle of the Dragon Village, both Pokémon were reaching their limits. On command the Cave Pokémon dashed towards its monkey adversary.

    “Oh no you don’t! Vigoroth, Round!” the auburn-haired teen screeched. Vigoroth inhaled once and yelled out violently, a wide soundwave washed over the Dragon-type, stopping her advance quickly as she forced her palms over her ears in pain. “Yes! Bullseye!”

    ”Could this be it?” Drayden continued to watch.

    “Come on buddy! This isn’t over yet,” Iris encouraged her Pokémon the best she could, the motivation from this managed to help Druddigon pull together all the reserve she had and bore the pain. “Let’s use Dragon Rage!”

    The Cave Pokémon, with as much heart as she could put into it, managed to rip out of her pained state and shoot a blast of indigo, fire-mixed electricity that exploded against the Wild Monkey Pokémon and knocked him out.

    “Vigoroth is unable to battle! The winner is Druddigon and the victory goes to Iris!” Drayden announced.

    “Yay, we did it!” Iris ran over and, recklessly, jumped onto her Pokémon’s stomach and hugged her tightly. Even though Druddigon had a striking appearance, she was only just a child and easily thrilled over the praise she got from her trainer.

    The young girl managed to bring out the best in her Pokémon in battle and stay strong throughout the whole thing alongside her like a trainer should, that’s just how strong their bond was.

    ”Interesting, she was almost completely at one with her Druddigon during that match.”

    Drayden smiled lightly as the girl walked over to congratulate her opponent, who had enjoyed the battle despite the outcome. The man decided to greet the young lady, he walked over with vigor.

    “That was quite the battle, Iris,” Drayden bent down and smiled at her.

    “Thanks for refereeing the battle, mister, I’m glad you showed up you were a big help.”

    “It was absolutely no problem, if possible, could I meet your parents?” Drayden asked while turning toward Druddigon as well.

    “My parents? Um....okay,” she said nervously as she fiddled with her fingers. “I’ll lead the way.”

    ~:~

    “Drayden?!” Mira came over hastily, almost slipping on the freshly mopped floor of the clinic in the process.

    The last thing her or her father expected was to come face to face with the muscular man with hair the color of fresh snow. Mira’s eyes widened to see the person at the door was very much the Spartan Mayor, in a flash, her attitude seemed to to turn sour as she stared directly into his yellow eyes.

    “If it isn’t Drayden, I see you got our eight month old SOS!” her comment was laced with anger.

    “Mira,” Ryuu started.

    “I was so sure you were just late, but I suppose that was just wishful thinking!”

    “Stop,” Ryuu silenced his daughter in a commanding tone as if she was an ill-mannered toddler. “Welcome, come in, this certainly is a surprise....”

    “Thank you, it’s a pleasure,” Drayden replied, he walked into the clinic and took a seat on the couch in the commons area with Ryuu taking a seat on the chair opposite it. He motioned to Mira to leave before he turned back to Drayden, the parent knew his daughter would end up spitting even more rude comments out if she remained in the visitor’s presence. “I see your daughter has grown up.....”

    “She has,” Ryuu said, embarrassed, knowing fully well Mira’s, not-so-subtle, angry remarks were not lost on the Spartan Mayor in the slightest. “So, what are you doing here in the Village of Dragons? Last time I saw you was back during the old days.....”

    Drayden shrugged, to answer Ryuu’s question, he simply stuck his purple-gloved hand into his pocket and pulled out a small metal object. A golden border zigzagged unevenly around the small trinket and the inside of it was grayed with a small ruby planted nearly at the center.

    “I’m here to find an heir...so to speak,” Drayden was quick and to the point about his plans.

    “The Legend Badge! I guess you really have become a something of a legend yourself. It goes without saying what one has to accomplish to become the leader of Opelucid Gym, amazing. What do you mean by ‘heir’ when you say it?”

    Drayden closed his eyes and opened them again, looking at Ryuu directly and spoke in an earnest tone.

    “Exactly as it sounds, a successor, an apprentice, a student who I can train to become a successful trainer and possibly the future co-Opelucid Gym Leader.”

    “Gym Leader?! Of Opelucid!”

    “I’m sure you know that as the mayor and Gym Leader of Opelucid I lead a very demanding lifestyle, naturally, I’ll be offering a scholarship to an exceptional trainer who I can find to come and live in Opelucid City and learn under me in the future.”

    Drayden scratched the white shocks of hair that curled around his face, almost like a Druddigon’s jaw.

    “Why the Village of Dragons?” there was a true sense of curiosity about why Drayden chose to come to the village to seek a strong, young trainer. “A lot of strong trainers often leave the village at a certain age to go venture out into the world.”

    “You’re one of the exceptions to that however, and I imagine this village hasn’t run dry of any talented young people,” Drayden said, “In fact, unless my eyes deceive me, Iris is a perfect example of a young trainer with promise.”

    “Iris?” Ryuu parroted back questionably.

    “Yes, I was surprised when she told me you were her legal guardian and pointed me toward your clinic of all places.”

    “Um....” Ryuu stuttered and did his best to keep an honest expression. “We-”

    Ryuu was cut off by light knocking at the door. It kept knocking rather rhythmically until Ryuu got up, took hold of the handle and opened it.

    “Hey, Ryuu!” Iris grinned as she greeted her guardian and looked over toward Drayden, meeting her gaze with his. “Hey, mister, Ryuu that guy’s from Unova and he helped referee one of my battles today!”

    “It’s was a pleasure,” Drayden said while smiling modestly to Iris as he turned back to Ryuu. “If I’m not mistaken, this is the little one you hold in such high regard that you told me about.”

    “Yes, the very same one,” the man confirmed.

    “So, she’s the one who got involved in that incident and had you and your daughter so worked up,” Drayden said quizzingly. “Unfortunately I couldn’t come, Iris, I was away at the time in Sinnoh and I apologize for that and your losses.”

    ”He’s the one who was going to come and help?!” Iris was shocked. “N-no problem!”

    “It’s okay, Drayden, I already informed her quite a long while ago, she never knew your name however. She really loves Dragons a great deal and shows promise, that’s one of the reasons I’ve been teaching her so much so she may become exceptional. I think Iris shows a talent for training Dragons well, her Druddigon is a very competent Pokémon for its age.”

    “Tell me more....” Drayden’s interest had been peaked, Iris remained silent as she stood there and absorbed the words Ryuu said, even though she wouldn’t admit it she loved hearing the compliments.

    “I think she has a natural connection to Dragons, you see, Iris’s ancestor was a woman named Siria. There was a time where Dragons and humans here in the village fought day and night, sometimes to the death.....Siria was the one who tamed the first Dragons. She did this, not by violence or conflict, but by imploring a method known as trying to understand their hearts. It’s believed to be an ability learned by some to understand Dragon Pokémon. As you already know, I can do this.”

    “She can do this as well?” Drayden raised a right eyebrow and clasped both his hands together.

    “Well, it’s hard to explain, she’s shown a natural connection to Dragons so I think so. That skill needs honing and I simply don’t think it could be fostered just staying here cooped up in the village.”

    “I’m curious, what is this child doing with you?” Drayden remarked.

    “She was entrusted to me...” Ryuu hesitated slightly but answered with a heavy heart, this made Iris turn her head sharply and stare at her mentor for a few seconds. A short moment of silenced developed while Drayden looked down and thought.

    ”A child who shows an exceptional ability to train Dragon Pokémon at such a young age and that can understand them on such a personal level, it almost sounds like fiction.”

    “I truly believe you could benefit from allowing Iris the chance to be your apprentice, please.”

    “I believe your words are sincere, if she truly is as noteworthy as you say I’ll make an effort to visit the village more often to see more of her. I’ve already seen an example of her abilities today.”

    “Isn’t that great, Iris?” Ryuu grinned heavily.

    “U-Uhh...sure!” Iris hesitantly replied.

    One Week Later.....

    “Use Dragon Tail!”

    “Haxooor!”

    The monstrous Pokémon, the color of an aged forest, rotated swiftly while smashing his massive reptilian tail into a Slaking. This caused the Lazy Pokémon to be knocked off his feet and hit the ground unconscious.

    “This sucks,” the young woman said as her Pokémon returned to his ball. “See ya later....” she walked away, Drayden looked over as he heard rustling in the bush behind him.

    “You can come out,” he spoke while he patted his Haxorus on the head for yet another job well done in battle.

    “Hahaha...” Iris laughed in embarrassment as she sprang out of hiding.

    “Why do you keep training where I train and then hiding when you think I don’t see you?”

    “Well, you see, about that, I thought your Haxorus might be hungry....” Iris pulled a light-blue piece of fruit from her pocket. “Dragons around here love Yache Berries,” she offered which caused the man to smile as he bent down and graciously accepted the fruit.

    “Thank you for your consideration,” he fed it to his strongest Pokémon, who was clearly enjoying his snack.

    “Haxorus is one of the coolest Dragons I’ve ever seen....” she couldn’t take her eyes off the beast as he continued to munch on the sour Berry.

    “Why don’t you see up close then?” Drayden picked up Iris and put her in range of the Axe Jaw Pokémon’s face, the Dragon smiled at her as she rubbed his scaly head.

    “Hahaha,” Iris giggled as, in response, he began to lick her face after swallowing the last of the fruit.

    ~:~

    Two weeks later

    “I still couldn’t do it.....” Iris sat in the tree within the forest as she sulked over her latest try, at reading a Dragon Pokémon’s heart, failing once more.

    “Iris!” Drayden shouted in concern as he dashed along. “There you are....” Drayden peered up into the thickness of the tree and spotted her in hiding. “Why did you run away?”

    “You saw, I failed. I can’t even read their hearts...”

    “You must not fear failure, it’s a part of life. Don’t be so unnerved by something so minuscule.”

    “Why would you want me to be your apprentice if I can’t do even that?”

    “You know, there’s no need to try and act so mature. You’re still young and have your whole life ahead of you, as I said before, failure is something that is unavoidable. You can get upset over it every time it happens or you can learn to deal with it and move on.”

    Iris remained silent as she sat on the branch and avoided eye contact with the Spartan Mayor, not wanting him to see a moment of weakness in her.

    “I have a story to tell you. Just listen to it,” Drayden said commandingly. Iris climbed down the tree and listened to Drayden as he squatted down to her level to make sure his words got across clearly and effectively.

    “There’s a legend of a Pokémon known as Magikarp, I’m sure you know what a Magikarp is. It is said that there was a Magikarp that so desperately tried to swim up a waterfall and kept continuously failing and being washed away by the strong current. The Magikarp, after a lot of perseverance and trying, finally made it upstream.”

    “What happened next?” Iris asked curiously.

    “The Magikarp, when upstream, finally made a grand, brave leap over the waterfall. Upon doing this the Magikarp landed at the bottom and resurfaced as a Gyarados. They say a Gyarados’s large, conspicuous scales indicate its origin from a Magikarp.”

    “It evolved?”

    “Yes, because Magikarp worked so hard and jumped over the waterfall which was known as the Dragon Gate in legend. It’s one of the reasons many believe Magikarp today evolve into Gyarados.”

    “So, I can one day read the hearts of Dragons?” Iris’s eyes brightened up.

    “If your ancestors can do it and Ryuu can do it, I believe you could as well. However, that doesn’t mean flying off when you fail, you must move on from it and grow.”

    “Thank you!” Iris ran up to the man and embraced him happily, she was thankful for the reassurance.

    “Let’s go back to the village,” Drayden and Iris walked together, the young girl staying tugged to his arm as they did.

    ~:~

    ”Those were the days, the days where I first met Drayden.”

    The Spartan Mayor kept coming back to the Dragon Village to observe Iris and talk with her before officially deciding to adopt her from Ryuu. Today was the day where she would have her final test under her current mentor before going to live with Drayden.

    “I can’t believe this is really it, it’s been a long time coming but I’m ready!” Iris jumped in the air and shouted with spirit, this managed to make Druddigon feel hyped.

    “Dru!”

    “We’re both gonna see so many new things and meet so many new people, I can’t wait!”

    Iris and Druddigon finally came upon Ryuu’s clinic and Iris instinctively walked into it without even knocking while the Cave Pokémon stayed outside.

    “I’m here! Ready for my final test!” she shouted, the noise resonating so loud that Altaria woke up in a nasty fit. Even looking at Altaria, Iris remembered the same thing would happen when he was just a Swablu.

    “Sorry Altaria,” Iris said while holding her palms up defensively, the cloud-bodied Pokémon went back to sleep.

    “As loud as always I see,” Ryuu appeared from the backroom with Mira following closely behind.

    “The test is ready,” Mira said as she went over next to Iris. “Are you?”

    “Completely, I can do this, I’ll take anything you throw at me.”

    “That’s a good attitude to have, Drayden is on his way right now. Mira packed all your bags and everything you’ll need. Unova is gonna be an amazing experience for you, you’ll grow more than you ever could have in this village.”

    “I’m gonna miss you so much, it’s not gonna be the same without your bubbly face greeting me everyday,” Mira hugged the young girl.

    “Mira you have another kid to worry about, remember?” Iris patted her sister-like figure’s stomach as they both broke into laughs.

    “Let’s get this underway, I want to finish before Drayden makes it,” Ryuu said as he walked down the hallway and to a room, he opened the door so Mira and Iris could come in. “This is your final test,” he held his arm out.

    “Begin,” Mira announced.

    Sitting in front of them, on a table, was a sandy-orange egg, it became clear what Iris had to do as she walked over and looked down at the sphere. She immediately got a tub filled with some hot, but not scalding, water. Ryuu and Mira stood and watched intently, not allowing themselves to interfere.

    “Okay, let’s see....” Iris took several cushions and surrounded the egg with them, just in time as it began to shine and take shape. A roundish body with four plump legs emerged first, a large head in proportion to the rest of its body appeared as the light began to dissipate. “A Trapinch! Wait, it hatched so quickly, I didn’t even get to use the stethoscope!”

    Iris covered her mouth, mentally scolding herself for shouting as the Pokémon began to cry, not from Iris’s shout but from the natural behavior that came with being a newborn. She got a towel and dipped it into the water and wrung it out, the Pokémon gradually stopped as it was massaged out of its fit.

    ”Now I just need to get a bottle ready.”

    Iris meandered over to the sink with Trapinch lying on the table, she took a bottle and filled it with a white, dusty powder. Walking over to the sink and turning on the faucet to release some hot water, she filled the bottle to the top and screwed on a nipple and shook it wildly. She poured a bit of the contents of it on her arm to check its temperature and proceeded to feed it to the infant.

    “Trapiii,” the Pokémon whined softly.

    “There there, don’t cry.” Iris picked up the baby and rocked it back and forth within her arms as it drank, she took the chance to wrap it in a blanket that sat on the counter. This made the Ant Pit Pokémon comfy enough to fall asleep right there in her arms.

    “Looks like it’s a boy....” Mira observed.

    “Nice job,” Ryuu said. “You without a doubt, pass, that means you’ll be moving on to your next stage of learning with Drayden effectively.”

    “I knew this day was coming,” Iris said as she continued to cradle the baby Trapinch.

    “I’m gonna miss you so much,” Mira exclaimed.

    “Dragonite, Altaria, and Shelgon as well and I’m sure the other villagers will too,” Ryuu was quick to add.

    “As hard as it is for daddy to show his emotions, he will too,” Mira gave a cheeky smile toward her father who simply pretended to ignore her teasing.

    Iris set Trapinch on one of the cushions as he drooled in his sleep, she walked into an embrace with Ryuu.

    “Whatever happens, keep working hard, whether I’m there or not. Listen to what Drayden says, I know you can do it....please don’t give him a hard time,” Ryuu said with a bit of emotion in his voice.

    “We’ll both be hoping the best of wishes for you and your future,” Mira said as well.

    “I promise I will and I just won’t have Drayden there, Druddigon will be there with me too!” Iris grinned, expressing a genuine sense of gratitude and delight over the support of her foster family.

    “I see things went well for her final test,” a new voice entered as the three turned around to see Drayden.

    “Drayden,” Ryuu announced what was so obvious to everyone.

    “The door was unlocked and I decided to come in, I arrived off the ferry just around fifteen minutes ago.”

    “Drayden, I hatched the egg perfectly. See, the egg used to be this little guy,” Iris picked up the sheet-wrapped Ground-type and handed it to the Spartan Mayor to hold.

    “My my, you sure did a fine job.”

    “Trrraa,” the Pokémon yawned and opened his eyes to see the Spartan Mayor peering down at him and began to smile widely.

    “Trapinch likes you,” Iris said.

    “That it does, that it does,” Ryuu said earnestly.

    -:-

    Standing near the port with Iris were Drayden, Druddigon, Mira, Ryuu, Dragonite, Shelgon, and Altaria and in Mira’s arms was Trapinch. They were all ready to see the young girl and man off toward the Unova Region. Iris stretched and yawned at the same time.

    “Do we have to leave so early in the morning?” she complained.

    “The earlier we leave the quicker we’ll make it,” Drayden replied. “Plus the ferry doesn’t leave according to what time we want, you mustn’t forget.”

    “Druddigongon!” the Cave Pokémon went over to hug Shelgon and Dragonite and she licked Altaria’s face, much to the Humming Pokémon’s embarrassment.

    “So, when do you think you’ll dock in Unova?” Ryuu asked.

    “I imagine in about five or four hours from now,” Drayden rubbed his chin and estimated.

    “Excellent, around the crack of noon, Iris you can sleep on the boat.”

    “I still can’t believe this is it, I’m gonna think about you all everyday,” Iris said once again to the group of people she loved that she would soon be departing with.

    “You too Ms.Dragon chick,” Mira said with a thumb’s up.

    ”Attention! Departure in less than five minutes, all passengers should be aboard now!

    “Take care,” Drayden said to Mira and Ryuu as he turned his back to them.

    “Trapipipi!” the Ant Pit Pokémon jumped out of Mira’s arms and ran over to Drayden.

    “Looks like it doesn’t want you to leave,” Ryuu smirked.

    “Well this could pose a problem, so.....” Mira gave a large grin.

    -:-

    “Bye bye!” Iris yelled and waved from the boat with Trapinch in her arms.

    “Druddi!” the Cave Pokémon emulated her trainer’s actions.

    “It’s so awesome you caught a new Pokémon, Drayden, who knew Trapinch would want to be with you so much,” she exclaimed as she looked down at the baby. “You really do like him, don’t you?”

    “Tra,” the Pokémon jumped out of Iris’s arms and went over to rub his head against Drayden’s leg, he bent down to rub his head in response.

    “It’s towards the Unova Region for you and I, remember what I told you about Unova?”

    “That I’ll meet a lot of new people and Pokémon I’ve never seen before there? Yeah, it’s gonna be the coolest!”

    ”I wonder if there truly is more to this child than meets the eye, we’ll see....”





    Just a small plan:
    Last edited by Bubble Frog; 22nd May 2013 at 11:56 AM.

  8. #23
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    The Old World.
    Posts
    2,245
    Blog Entries
    330

    Default Chapter 4 - A Future Beyond the Village! Review

    Mostly a goodbye chapter, with Iris preparing to leave the Village of Dragons, and finally doing so in the last scene. To me, though, it served as a comparison to Chapter 2. We saw Drayden and Ryuu in their youth, and how they interacted, and now we see how time has changed them. But still, I can't help but feel that some information is hidden from us, and we'll probably get to know more about their past as time goes by.

    We also got a glimpse into Drayden's character. Even though he's a very silent and reserved character, it feels as if he somehow misses the Village of Dragons, and longs for the simplicity of living there. With him wanting to find an "heir" in Iris, he might be looking to relieve himself of his duties and retire. I can see how Iris will affect that mentality, and possibly change it. One of the important events of this chapter is Drayden getting a Trapinch, and Iris played a vital part in that. Maybe Drayden lost the excitement he showed when battling Ryuu in Chapter 2, and Iris will be the one to revive it.

    The most intriguing aspect for me in this chapter is Mira's pregnancy. From the Druddigon, you created an association between pregnancy and death, even if it was unintentional. That association can be broken by Mira giving birth safely, or it can further instated by her death, and personally, I think the latter is more likely to happen. We already saw how severe Iris's reaction to death was when it came to ones she, probably, only knew sparsely. Seeing her reaction to the death of someone you've noted was like a sister to her would be a great motivation and character exploration for Iris, who is very susceptible to change, give that she's a young person.

    Also, I think that in your fanon, Drayden and Ryuu had some sort of romantic relationship.

    Anyway, onto to the boring, technical stuff:

    Quote Originally Posted by Gotpika View Post
    Despite how lovely it was, he was there strictly on business, idle downtime was the last thing on the man’s mind.
    Should have a comma after "was".

    The feeling of flying, was serene, yet exciting, the fun it gave her couldn’t be duplicated.
    Remove the comma after "flying", and add one after "serene".

    Iris pulled from her pocket two Oran Berries. She walked over and feed the Druddigon one while she took a bite into the other.
    The first sentence should probably be reworded to "Iris pulled two Oran Berries from her pocket.", and "feed" should be "fed", and, while technically correct, "out of" would have been a smoother alternative to "into".

    In training sessions, Iris’s mentor wouldn’t even have his Pokémon use half of his normal dynamism, as the younger creature would easily be overwhelmed by the much more experienced Dragon.
    Add the bolded commas. They're after "sessions" and "dynamism".

    Iris had watched over her egg like a mother, and the day she hatched Iris formed a connection with her.
    Add a comma after "mother".

    Doing many things with her: training her, bathing her, feeding her, and even sleeping next to her at night.
    The comma after the first "her" should be a colon, and before "even", an "and" should be added.

    The fact she had cared so much for Druddigon since then is what lead to her even being the fine Dragon she was today.
    "Lead" should be "led".

    That mostly had to do with, once again, being under the watchful eyes of Mira and Ryuu, who both cared for her unconditionally.
    Add a comma after "Ryuu".

    Druddigon just smiled while carrying the flowers in her arms
    Add a "her" before "arms".

    I thought it was amazing how Ryuu was able to make you open your hearts to him so quickly
    Should be "heart" instead of "hearts", but I'm thinking that I might've misunderstood that sentence.

    Druddigon didn’t know her parents, thus didn’t have any type of connection with them and couldn’t really feel any deep feelings.
    Add a comma after "parents".

    The death of the Dragon’s, aforementioned, mother and father was due to the devious actions of a gang of Pokémon thieves,
    Removing the bolded part would probably be better for the sentence.

    Druddigon was unofficially Iris’s starter Pokémon, having no Poké Ball to show for it, but, battling under her command loyally, more than willing to follow her orders like a true captured Pokémon would.
    Move the comma from after "but" to before it.

    The young girl got up off of the ground and look up at the sky
    Add "of" after "off".

    Both of the young souls headed toward Iris’s caretaker’s home, leaving the resting place of the deceased creatures behind, but, still as Iris left, she couldn’t help but think back to when she had met that man.
    Same as before; move the comma from after "but" to before it. Also, add a comma after "left".

    “Yay, we did it!” Iris ran over and, recklessly, jumped into her Pokémon’s stomach and hugged her tightly. Even though Druddigon had a striking appearance, she was only just a child and easily thrilled over the praise she got from her trainer.
    Not "into", because that is a weird and hilarious image. XD

    Put "onto" instead of "into", and a comma after "appearance".

    Drayden smiled lightly as the girl walked over to congratulate her opponent, who had enjoyed the battle despite the outcome.
    Add a comma after "opponent".

    Thanks for refereeing the battle, mister,
    Add a comma after "battle".

    in a flash, her attitude seemed to to turn sour as she stared directly into his yellow eyes.
    Add a comma after "flash".

    “If it isn’t Drayden, I see you got our two year-old SOS!” Her comment was laced with, unhidden, passive-aggressiveness.
    Remove the comma after "with".

    A golden border zigzagged unevenly around the small trinket and the inside of it was grayed with a small ruby planted nearly at the center.
    I'm thinking that should be "neatly" instead of "nearly", but I'm not sure which one you meant.

    Iris remained silent as she sat on the branch and avoided eye-contact with the Spartan Mayor, not wanting him to see a moment of weakness in her.
    Remove the dash between "eye" and "contact"; they don't need it.

    Iris sat down Trapinch on one of the cushions as he drooled in his sleep, she walked over into an embrace with Ryuu.
    Replace "sat" with "set", and remove "over".

    Well, that was it for nitpicking. I hope this review was helpful, even though I focused more on the grammar than on the story and the events. Great chapter, and wonderful foreshadowing all over it. Keep it up!

  9. #24

    Default Re: The Girl Who Knows the Hearts of Dragons - New Chapter 4/6/13 - Chapter 4

    IT LIVES!!! CHAPTER 4!!!

    - Classy starter and reason for it. Now that I think about it, it's pretty rare to see someone get a big Pokemon so early, let alone as the starter.
    - Glad that callout happened, but the whole thing with the flashing back is weird. First we're two years into the future as told by the Druddigon's birthday, then we're going back to eight months after the incident, and then suddenly Mira is saying it's two years in that same scene.
    - In the past you had a fight with a Vigoroth, a little less into the past you had a fight with a Slaking. It's either a missed opportunity for it to be the same person, or if it is intended to be the same person, it's not clear enough.
    - Hm, how did Ryuu - who IIRC has been in the village basically all his life - learn of the Legend Badge, anyway?
    - Interesting explanation/setup on Iris' abilities.
    - Also nice how the inspiration for Magikarp was worked in.
    - Knocked up? Silly Mira.
    - Kind of an underwhelming test now that I think about it. Just another egg hatching? I was trying to figure out the possible logic behind it, but I got nothing.
    - Neat allusion to Drayden getting a Flygon in BW2.
    - Kind of like the girly/sisterly interactions between Iris and Mira.

    It'll be interesting to see where the story goes from here, given that only a vague idea has been given as to where it will go in the next chapter. Wait, I said something like that last chapter, didn't I? Well, from Chapter 3 to this, I can say I certainly wasn't expecting a timeskip/flashback sequence. But it was quite good for what it was - showed the important parts then moved on without messing around too much.

    Looking forward to the behind-the-scenes things. Actually, I've been planning such a thing myself, so it'll be extra interesting to see your approach on it.

  10. #25
    Poet Laureate AiedailEclipsed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    In my own realm...
    Posts
    4,735
    Blog Entries
    24

    Default Re: The Girl Who Knows the Hearts of Dragons - New Chapter 4/6/13 - Chapter 4

    Really liking this story. Then again, I've always been a bit predisposed to Iris as a character for some reason. There were a few mechanics errors, but nothing major. I'll probably do a more thorough spot check the next time around. A few personal notes... First, you reference the Village of Dragons as if its outside of Unova, even though it is canonically in Unova (maybe not in the games, but still). Further, you don't really talk about its actual location until the third or fourth chapter; just seemed a bit odd to me. Next, I nearly started sobbing with the whole Druddigon story. It was just too much. Also, I like how you did diverge from canon in this sense by making the Druddigon baby Iris' starter. I still expect to see an Axew in her future though. >:] Lastly... I know there was something that I wanted to reference but can't remember. Ah, well. That's the price you pay when you read four large chapters in a row.

    Anywho, I look forward to seeing the newest chapter! Keep up the great work. C:
    Currently looking for help with a web project. If interested in more details, please feel free to PM me!

    "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it."
    -- Narrator, Pokemon: Jirachi Wish Maker
    "You can't change the world without getting your hands dirty."
    -- Lelouch Lamperouge, Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion
    "Do I have a stamp on my forehead that says, 'The National Spokesperson for the Plight of Black People'? How the hell should I know the black perspective on The Color Purple? That's it, if I don't change classes, I'm gonna hurt this fool. Teachers treat me like I'm some kind of Rosetta stone for African-Americans. What? Black people learn how to read, and we all miraculously come to the same conclusion?"
    -- Victoria, Freedom Writers
    "N's heart is pure and innocent. But there is nothing more beautiful and terrifying than innocence."
    -- Concordia, Pokémon Black/White 2

  11. #26
    I'll be your shadow Flaze's Avatar Moderator
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Why do you care
    Posts
    62,720
    Blog Entries
    154
    Add Flaze on Facebook
    Follow Flaze on Tumblr Visit Flaze's Youtube Channel

    Default Re: The Girl Who Knows the Hearts of Dragons - New Chapter 4/6/13 - Chapter 4

    This chapter was really enjoyable and it's nice that the plot is starting to move along and Iris is finally going on her training with Drayden. I really liked how you introduce their teacher and student relationship in this one rather than the old story, making a story arc out of it helps give more life to it after all.

    I liked how you explained a bit more about Iris's power and how it's her heritage, I also loved that little bit of folklore you threw around regarding the Magikarp, it shows a lot of creativity and insight on your part to do it. I wanted to write more about that but I forgot a large part of what I was going to write sadly.

    Also that Trapinch was so cut...I mean *cough* I liked the Trapinch scene...yeah that.


    I'm also interested to see how Iris will fare out with Drayden from now on, since now is when the fun really begins.

  12. #27
    Not A Piece of Cake Bubble Frog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Kalos
    Posts
    4,565
    Blog Entries
    186

    Follow Bubble Frog on Tumblr

    Default Re: Chapter 4 - A Future Beyond the Village! Review

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyuuketsuki View Post
    But still, I can't help but feel that some information is hidden from us, and we'll probably get to know more about their past as time goes by.
    You're certainly on the right track there. ;p

    With him wanting to find an "heir" in Iris, he might be looking to relieve himself of his duties and retire. I can see how Iris will affect that mentality, and possibly change it. One of the important events of this chapter is Drayden getting a Trapinch, and Iris played a vital part in that. Maybe Drayden lost the excitement he showed when battling Ryuu in Chapter 2, and Iris will be the one to revive it.
    That's an interesting way of looking at things, I did plan to have them both impact each other in significant ways at some points in the story. You're right on the money there.
    The most intriguing aspect for me in this chapter is Mira's pregnancy. From the Druddigon, you created an association between pregnancy and death, even if it was unintentional.
    That actually was unintentional, you're correct.
    Also, I think that in your fanon, Drayden and Ryuu had some sort of romantic relationship.
    Lawl XD Well, I have something things planned for Drayden's backstory. Though romanticism with Ryuu isn't one of them. =P
    Don't ever call "technical" stuff boring. :p I honestly don't mind the nitpicking and focus on grammar, imo, a story can't be really good unless it gets basic things like grammar correct. I really do appreciate it every time believe it or not and commas are something I really need to work on. As well as other smaller grammar problems.

    Quote Originally Posted by System Error View Post
    IT LIVES!!! CHAPTER 4!!!
    Indeed, it does!
    - Classy starter and reason for it. Now that I think about it, it's pretty rare to see someone get a big Pokemon so early, let alone as the starter.
    I wanted to go for something unique and a bit out there, glad to see it as least gave a somewhat small essence of surprise.
    - Glad that callout happened, but the whole thing with the flashing back is weird. First we're two years into the future as told by the Druddigon's birthday, then we're going back to eight months after the incident, and then suddenly Mira is saying it's two years in that same scene.
    That's a massive screw-up on my part, I actually went back and fixed it some time ago.
    - In the past you had a fight with a Vigoroth, a little less into the past you had a fight with a Slaking. It's either a missed opportunity for it to be the same person, or if it is intended to be the same person, it's not clear enough.
    Missed opportunity unfortunately, I simply went with Vigoroth and Slaking because they're native to the Village of Dragons.
    - Hm, how did Ryuu - who IIRC has been in the village basically all his life - learn of the Legend Badge, anyway?
    He knows Drayden became a remarkable battler and has had success in Unova, so this was more of a of "just imagine" type deal situation. I just assumed that the reader might think Ryuu learned of it at some point during his life post meeting Drayden, but you're right it could be explained and probably should have.
    - Also nice how the inspiration for Magikarp was worked in.
    I'm surprised someone caught that reference, I tip my hat to you good sir.
    - Knocked up? Silly Mira.
    At such a young age as well :P
    - Kind of an underwhelming test now that I think about it. Just another egg hatching? I was trying to figure out the possible logic behind it, but I got nothing.
    I figured about doing a full scale battle test, but I didn't want this chapter to be bogged down on it since it's mostly aftermath and exposition. Though I had that fear in mind and looking back it definitely seems underwhelming for her final test to be hatching another egg. Though it was mostly a callback to chapter one.
    - Neat allusion to Drayden getting a Flygon in BW2.
    I figured things like this coming naturally at a time would be better in the long run.
    - Kind of like the girly/sisterly interactions between Iris and Mira.
    I try, interactions aren't my expertise. Thank you for your kind words.
    It'll be interesting to see where the story goes from here, given that only a vague idea has been given as to where it will go in the next chapter. Wait, I said something like that last chapter, didn't I? Well, from Chapter 3 to this, I can say I certainly wasn't expecting a timeskip/flashback sequence. But it was quite good for what it was - showed the important parts then moved on without messing around too much.
    That was the plan indeed, didn't want too many unnecessary actions and elements thrown in. Just what the reader needed specifically so they wouldn't get too bored or jaded as they continued forth.

    Looking forward to the behind-the-scenes things. Actually, I've been planning such a thing myself, so it'll be extra interesting to see your approach on it.
    I'm looking forward to yours quite a lot myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by AiedailEclipsed View Post
    A few personal notes... First, you reference the Village of Dragons as if its outside of Unova, even though it is canonically in Unova (maybe not in the games, but still).
    The Village of Dragons is actually located outside of Unova in-game. We learn this through a Memory Link in BW2 known as a A New Light, the only other canon that uses this location is the anime in-which the village is located near Opelucid City.

    Further, you don't really talk about its actual location until the third or fourth chapter; just seemed a bit odd to me.
    Aw, I see, well I can see how that might be a bit strange. Bringing up the location of it more might have been smarter since it would help the reader identify with it more as its own place separate from Unova.
    Next, I nearly started sobbing with the whole Druddigon story. It was just too much.
    Really? I'm actually surprised, emotion scenes and interactions aren't something I excel in at all so it's nice to know I managed to invoke some form of caring about it from someone. Though I do feel bad about making you sob if it did make you sob badly. ^^;;

    Also, I like how you did diverge from canon in this sense by making the Druddigon baby Iris' starter. I still expect to see an Axew in her future though. >:]
    Actually, Iris's starter is never specifically named in any canon. In the anime her starter was an Excadrill, in Pokemon Special she is featured at a young age with a Lapras(Though we aren't given specifics on what her starter was) and in-game it is never mentioned either. Though in almost every form of canon she owns an Axew, so you're right on the money to guess that she'll be having one in this story.
    Lastly... I know there was something that I wanted to reference but can't remember. Ah, well. That's the price you pay when you read four large chapters in a row.
    Aw, that happens to me sometimes too. XD

    Anywho, I look forward to seeing the newest chapter! Keep up the great work. C:
    Thank you and thanks for taking the time to review.


    Quote Originally Posted by Flaze View Post
    This chapter was really enjoyable and it's nice that the plot is starting to move along and Iris is finally going on her training with Drayden. I really liked how you introduce their teacher and student relationship in this one rather than the old story, making a story arc out of it helps give more life to it after all.
    Thank you, I felt the first one in the beta version of this story felt more unnatural and didn't flow. It's good to see I've improved upon that.

    I liked how you explained a bit more about Iris's power and how it's her heritage, I also loved that little bit of folklore you threw around regarding the Magikarp, it shows a lot of creativity and insight on your part to do it. I wanted to write more about that but I forgot a large part of what I was going to write sadly.
    No problem about forgetting, happens to the best of us. I'd say her power is more so an ability than a straight-up power, actually....power might be fitting. Though when I think of power I think of heat rays and all that jazz with Marvel Super Heroes.....it's hard to explain. XD
    Also that Trapinch was so cut...I mean *cough* I liked the Trapinch scene...yeah that.
    Glad to know it was a decent near ending scene.

    I'm also interested to see how Iris will fare out with Drayden from now on, since now is when the fun really begins.
    Glad to see it peaked your interest at least a tiny bit, thanks for the review Flaze!

  13. #28
    Not A Piece of Cake Bubble Frog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Kalos
    Posts
    4,565
    Blog Entries
    186

    Follow Bubble Frog on Tumblr

    Default Re: The Girl Who Knows the Hearts of Dragons - New Chapter 4/6/13 - Chapter 4

    Sorry for the double-posting, didn't want that previous post to get too long. Here's that "what's what" I spoke about before. Just some general info someone might care for. I originally planned to draw some art for this before posting it but I simply could not at the moment.

    What's what a.k.a Author's Notes on The Girl Who Knows the Hearts of Dragons thus far.

    -The Dragon Village population consists of, as the names says, mostly Dragons. Druddigon being among the most common. Ryuu has imported Dragons from other regions to the village to encourage diversity among the population and growth, he also takes it upon himself to ensure quite a few wild Dragons successfully deliver eggs.

    -Among the Dragon Pokemon(And Pokemon related to Dragons) population, so far Ryuu has accounted for: Druddigon, Bagon, Shelgon, Trapinch, Flygon, Vibrava, Swablu, Altaria, Axew, Fraxure and Haxorus. There is known to be one Hydreigon among that population that was discovered two years ago. Ryuu's Dragonite is the only known Dragonite of the village or member of the Dratini line that is known to be there. Though quite rare, Charmander family members have been introduced into the environment as well. Lastly, the waters of the village contain a surplus of Magikarp. You'd be lucky to encounter a Horsea or even a Seadra among them!

    -Non-Dragon wise, the village contains some more common Pokemon from Unova and a few other regions. Though mostly all of them are Unova Pokemon, examples are Pidove, Patrat, Tranquill, Watchog, Aipom, Tangela, Ducklett, Deerling, the Vigoroth line, Watchog, Petilil, Lilligant, Minccino, Darumaka, Tympole(Water), Roggenrola, Basculin(Water) and many others.

    -Chapter 4's story of the Magikarp that jumped over the Dragon Gate is taken from a legend about how carp that leapt over the Dragon Gate would become dragons in Chinese mythology.

    -Siria is "Iris" spelled backwards with an "a" tagged at the end. Credit for the idea to use this name goes to @HumanDawn; as is the naming of Ryuu's daughter as "Mira."

    -Understanding the hearts of Dragons is like getting a summary of their feelings for a beginner in the field, there is more to it than that for more experienced users however.....

    -Iris's starter, Druddigon, has the ability Sheer Force.

    -Iris is 8-years-old in Chapters 1, 2 and 3 and 10-years-old in Chapter 4. Mira is 17-years-old in Chapter 1, 2 and 3 and 19-years-old in 4.

    -Ryuu's whole team of Pokemon consists of Dragonite, Shelgon(Diseased), Gyarados. Mira's team consists of Shelgon and Altaria(Caught between the two year gap, is the same Swablu from the past). Though Shelgon has been fairly inactive in battling since Mira started working toward becoming a Dragon doctor like her father at age 15 and does not battle much anymore. Shelgon is also not related to her father's Shelgon in any form.

    -This story will be following the events of Pokémon Black in most areas but will borrow a few elements from White.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •