- 1 Post By Satoshi-kun
19th April 2012, 11:42 PM #1
A little robot girl.
Fuck You, Pikachu (or how I end a trilogy)
I hated the first story. People liked it, it seems. I was okay with the second story. It was fun, and people liked it.
Well, that changes now. I love this one! That means.....YOU WILL HATE IT!
This one's for me.
Oh, yeah. Lots of fucked up shit happens in this story. Someone says the word "penis." There's blood. Anything else would be spoilers. Fuck spoilers, this one's for me. This one's for you. This one's for the world we live in. The world that spins around and around, like a top. Like a dradle. Like if it were merely a prop from Inception. Yes.
Fuck You, Pikachu (or how I end a trilogy)
Hey you, Pikachu. Yes, you. Pikachu, this is the sound of your conscience speaking to you.
Pikachu. Yes, it's me. Are you listening? You aren't? Well, clean the shit out of your ears and listen to me. Yes, me. The one doing the talking right now. Wait, you're in the middle of a Pokemon battle? So, I don't give a shit, you're ignoring me. You're probably fighting a Zubat or some shit. You can take it down in one hit, fucking do it. Yes, now.
Okay, now are you listening? You are? Good.... very good. Now, I'm going to say this quickly, and you better listen. Wait, no... no, my name is not Resetti. No, stop asking these questions. Okay, now, here's my message to you. Fuck you, Pikachu. Yes, fuck you. Why? Are you fucking stupid? Ask your penis or something. Yes, your penis. Yes, I know that it's tiny and I can't see it, but I am your conscience... I know when it's hard. Yes, I know that you get off by the bumpiness of the trails that Ash travels on, and that's why you always ride on his shoulder.
Okay, I'm glad to see that you understand. I'm well aware that you're always trying to get in Ash's pants. Yes, I'm well aware that Satoshi-kun killed you off in the first story. YES, I KNOW THAT IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE THAT YOU ARE STILL ALIVE! It's Pokemon, it's not supposed to make any goddamn sense. This is a series that spawns countless ships. This is a series that spawns countless battles and debates among fans regarding which ship is better. Yes, there are even kids who run off to other websites to cry about it. I don't give a fuck. This is between me, your conscience, and you, Pikachu.
Now, how are we going to remedy this? Well, first, you're going to leave Ash. Yes, leave. You don't want to? Do you think I care what you want? I'm your motherfucking conscience. I say leave, you leave. Right? Good. Now, wake up, I think that you're needed... or maybe WERE needed, ha ha ha ha.
Pikachu suddenly snaps back to reality. A reality that could be rather bleak, or rather bright, but we will find that out in a moment. Are your eyes properly following this text? Sometimes when I read crappy stories, I just read the first sentence and just skim the rest of the paragraph. It's super effective (!) when trying to speed through a book that is a bit heavy on fluffy shit. Anyways, Pikachu snaps back to reality, that's what I was writing about, right?
Pikachu opens his eyes. As his eyes snap into focus, he sees Ash, bloodied on the grass of whatever generic field they were standing in. Ash has tears in his eyes, and appears to be crying. In front of Ash are every member of Ash's party, all new random generic pokemon, all freshly caught in whatever new region they were journeying in. Pikachu, shocked and confused, walks up to Ash as quickly as his tiny legs can carry him.
As Pikachu nuzzles Ash's face, in hopes of comforting him, Ash says, in a tired voice, "P...p...pika....chu, a tough bullshit generic legendary got the best of us, didn't it?"
Suddenly, Pikachu remembers what happened right before he snapped out of reality and heard his conscience speaking to him. Yes, indeed, a tough bullshit generic legendary did attack them. Pikachu remembers thinking for a second, "so that's why Smogon bans legendarys," but this thought was cut short as he was thrown by the legendary. Hitting a tree at high speed, he was immediately knocked out. Now, if the situation was not as grim as it currently was, Pikachu would be happy to learn that there was a possibility that his conscience was merely a dream. But no, the situation is indeed grim.
The gap between Ash's words becomes longer and longer, and Pikachu notices as he looks around that the generic female companion and generic anime stereotypical womanizing male are both lying nearby, lifeless. As Ash lies, bleeding in the grass, he finally says, "Pi...pi...pika....pikachu, please live on without me. I'm sorry that I was not able to be there for you, but now....I....must....go."
Pikachu, with a tear running down his furry face, looks over his friend, who he had shared many journeys with. Who he had shared many memories with. His mate, his friend, his life. His life, which he still had, but his friend's life which had just left the world, a world that was now bleak. Sad, sad, no feeling, no life, Pikachu pondered the mortality of Ash, the mortality of all who were scattered around him, bloodied, lifeless. Pikachu even pondered his own mortality. Why was he here? How was he still alive? The many years of training apparently made Pikachu strong, which is how he survived the first story in the first place. Death is something that Pikachu may never feel personally, yet he will watch countless times as the ones he loves are ripped from his life.
"Fuck it," Pikachu thinks to himself. Pikachu immediately calls a generic flying type, and hops on.
"Where to?" asks the flying type.
"Island of Pikachu. I'm going home," says Pikachu. As the generic flying type lifts off the ground, and flies up, into the air, further up, flying high, flying in the sky, into the sunset, Pikachu lights up a cigarette and bids the cruel world of Pokemon training behind.
Last edited by Satoshi-kun; 20th April 2012 at 02:00 AM.
19th April 2012, 11:50 PM #2
20th April 2012, 04:44 PM #3
The First Homunculus
Re: Fuck You, Pikachu (or how I end a trilogy)
Hahaahah dude this is fuckin hilarious!!! i love it. Your a great writer dude! The ending was the best. Hahaha my sides hurt from laughing.