TEEN: Flinch:Intro *Non-Pokemon*

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Thread: Flinch:Intro *Non-Pokemon*

  1. #1
    Aqua Teen Avoidance Plan MC Karkat's Avatar
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    Default Flinch:Intro *Non-Pokemon*

    Chapter 0:Enter, Flinch

    A pale guy with mid-length hair walked into bar clutching a pistol in each hand "Howdy, guys!!" He said "Names Flinch, now which one of you is.. Uh, Kain?" Out of the corner of Flinch's eye he saw what looked like the Hulk step up "I'm Kain, now do you have somethin' to settle with me or are you just here to waste my time with a cakewalk of a fight?" (Told you takin' this job was a bad idea.) "Shut up, this guy might be easier than he looks." Flinch whispered to himself (Let's hope your right..)

    *Three hours earlier*

    Flinch got up out of his bed "'bout time to find me some work, can't have the rent bein' late.. Again." Flinch told himself (Thats EXACTLY what you said last time.) "I know, but this job a little more different from the rest." Flinch walked into his bathroom and splashed some water onto his face, then he looked right into the mirror above the sink and saw a recently pubilished poster that said: 'Wanted: Kain Belgart, Dead or alive Reward:$2000 Crime:Durg trafficing, murder, and human trafficing.'

    "He doesn't sound too scary." Flinch scoffed "I bet I could take him down in a second." Flinch snapped his fingers as he walked out to his kitchen and made himself a bowl of Oatmeal (You sure you wanna go through with this?) "Yah, I'm pretty sure. besides, I need the cabbage." Flinch responded (And your gonna wondering why you got your sorry but beat into the Earth.) "Hey! I'm not that weak." Flinch pointed out "And besides, I have a healing factor." (That ability is hardly reliable, how do you know if it will active after your nearly beaten to death?) "I just have a good felling about today." Flinch said as he finished his Oatmeal up (Usally that means your gonna go through a whole lot of pain.) Flinch openned his front door and inhaled some non-stale air "Good morning, Seattle." Flinch said as he shut the door behind him and locked it (Well, now I have another question for you, wise guy.) "Okay, shoot." Flinch said as he continued down the street (Just how exactly do you plan on finding Kain?) Flinch stopped dead in his tracks "Now that you mention it, I haven't thought that part through yet..." Flinch noticed "Where should we start?" (I dunno, dude) Flinch sighed "I guess I'll worry about that later." He said.

    Just as Flinch crossed the street he noticed a bill board that said 'Kain's deli & bar, 66 Ave.' (That answers one question.) Flinch groaned "I don't any money to take the bus or cab and 66 Ave. is across town." (Well, then you better start walkin'.) Flinch groaned again as he continued down his route to Kain's Deli & Bar.

    *Two hours later*

    Flinch saw the Deli across the street "It's about time." Flinch shrugged "I thought was never gonna get here." Flinch pulled out his pistols and walked towards the Bar (Well, this where we die, I guess.) "Okay." Flinch uttered "But I'm really gonna miss me when I'm gone." Flinch openned the door "Howdy, guys!!" Flinch said as he walked in "Names Flinch, now which of you is... Uh, Kain?" Flinch stopped and saw a guy who looked like the Hulk get up and walk towards him (Oh snap....) "I'm Kain, now do you have something to settle with me or are you bore me with a cakewalk of a fight?" (I-) "We're not gonna repeat the dialoge from the begining of the chapter." Flinch whispered (Okay.) Flinch turned his attention to Kain "Now which of the following choices let's me kill you and give your corpse to the cops?" Flinch asked Kain with grin.

    Kain grabbed Flinch by the neck "You got quite a mouth on you, punk." Kain growled "You just dug your own grave." Kain suddenly threw Flinch through a wall across the bar "Ouch...." Flinch groaned as Kain charged towards him "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!!!" Flinch panicked as he aimed his pistols right at Kain and began to shoot like crazy but by the looks of things, those bullets weren't doing much at all (I hope they have a health care plan in Hell.) Kain rammed Flinch through a wall and out onto the street "This is my last chance." Flinch said as he stumbled up and pulled out a gernade "If this doesn't work, I don't know what will." Flinch jumped and landed on Kain's shoulders and pulled the pin off the gernader and stuffed the gernade into Kain's mouth and jump off and the gernade blew up and destroyed Kain's head (Wow, that actally work, I thought you were just going to get him even more pissed off and then he would scream out 'Hulk mad' and I'm pretty sure the readers could imagine what would happen next.)

    "Yeah..." Flinch scratched the back of his head "Big question is though, how are we gonna get this body to the cops?" (Thats your problem, not mine.)

    *To be continued!*
    Last edited by MC Karkat; 12th April 2011 at 12:21 AM.
    'Sshh, here that? That's the sound of you being quiet... Isn't it pleasant?'

  2. #2
    Wahaha~ Heroic Sociopath's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flinch:Intro *Non-Pokemon*

    That was actually pretty clever. The action was pretty nice, the grenade bit was especially cool, the main character is fun, and can be related to, and the jokes managed to elicit a few chuckles. Now, it's not without it's flaws. The spelling's not that great - Might wanna use a word processer - And the bit where he hears voices seems a tad derivative of Deadpool, might wanna do something to set the two apart. Also, the voices in Flinch's head make it a little hard to read, might want to put them in quotes and indent speech. Finally, the fight scene was a little less drawn out than I'd like. If you were going for realism, I could understand it, but considering this is in a world where a guy can survive a full clip from two pistols, it seems like a missed opportunity. So, overall, good job, I hope to read the next part soon!
    Not changing my signature 'till TWEWY 2 comes out.

    Also this RP is really cool. It's like Percy Jackson. You can be a god's reincarnation and have powers and you're at a school and it's totally radical!
    http://z13.invisionfree.com/Garden_of_Olympus/index.php?act=idx

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