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  1. #31
    Because I like Tophats Tophat Dragoneye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 7: Reunited)

    Quote Originally Posted by Flaze View Post
    Well chapter 6 really was action packed, though at the start it felt a little bit slow for me. I liked the fact you introduced Leaf into this, at least I assume she's named after the female main character from the games, I wonder what she'll be doing later on.
    I admit it was a little slow at the beginning, but I'll see if I can make it better in future chapters. Leaf is indeed named named after the main female character from the games and her appearance is also based from that said character, though she's not wearing a bucket hat in this incarnation.

    The fight against Team Rocket was paced pretty well and you certainly wrote that fight the best. I was mostly interested by Jinkourai though, the guy seems like a very interesting villain plus that experiment he was testing really made him threatening, so Roger will have to learn some fighting skills of his own if he wants to survive to see the future.
    I'm glad you found the fight against Team Rocket good, as it was the main focus of the chapter. As for Jinkourai, I had a lot of fun writing him as he is definitely an interesting villain. As for the experiment he was testing, let's say that the chapter was merely a hint of what is to come.

    It was nice seeing Blue again to prove how bad he is at team work, though he's good at his job at least since he was able to handle his own against all the other grunts. I'm also interested to see Rose again and wonder what will happen now that she's in the cast.
    Blue is no doubt a powerful trainer, but his teamwork is indeed not the best considering the way he defeated the grunts alongside everyone else. And don't worry, Rose will play her role in the group in the future.

    Chapter 7 was a shorter chapter but it was a good refreshing chapter, it was nice to see Roger talk to Rose again, and I feel sorry for the poor guy and his wallet xD that just has to suck.
    Having Roger and Rose talk and interact with each other was the primary goal here considering the way they were separated from each other. That, and they also consider each other as siblings. As for Roger and his wallet, yeah poor guy XD

    I'm curious about what Team Rocket's plan will lead to though, with a name like that I feel like we're going to be seeing the Sevvi Islands again pretty soon.
    I can't reveal anything specific, but I can tell that "Sevii" has more than one meaning in this story.

    Aside from that there were various places were some words were missing or spelled wrong, plus I don't know but sometimes you seem to confused were with was, it's not anything too bad though but it's easy to catch at times.
    I'll go and have a look. Thanks for pointing that out.

    I'm also intrigued by the triangle you've created here. Aside from Roger and his party we also have Equality and now Team Rocket into the mix, it'll be a very big struggle from now on.
    It will be a big struggle in more than one way, don't worry
    Revolutionaryverse


    Many thanks to Blue Dragon for the signature

    ONE-shot: Forced into Retirement

  2. #32
    Your mind is a world AetherX's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 7: Reunited)

    Hey, I'm sorry I haven't done a review earlier. I've been a ghost reader for a while. I judged this for the Fall awards, though, so I thought I should speak my mind here. This is essentially a copy/paste of my judging, so it's a little harsher than I usually am in my reviews.

    Although I'm iffy on the plot's execution so far, this is a remarkably original story. The only stereotypical trope in sight (plot-wise at least) is a boy who can talk to Pokemon, and even then it's only with Don and is very well done. There are a ton of layers with lots of ambiguity (in a good way) that make the plot very compelling. That said, it lacks any real wow-factor so far. Hopefully that will change over the course of the story.

    You have done a wonderful job of making a vivid world that is more than just a place for the story to happen. The setting has real impact on the story, what with the whole Equality thing going on, the state of the government, etc. It's not perfect, but it's very near. The characters are varied and interesting, but I have a hard time empathizing with most of them. Each character has there own little plot arc going on at once, and it can be disconcerting when they seem to have no impact on each other. I'm not sure if that makes any sense at all.

    I'm not impressed with the specificity of the story's description. It comes across as more tell than show (something to pay attention to in the future). However, I'm giving extra points because the dialogue is EXCELLENT. Each character has a unique voice. That's something that's not easy to pull off and can seem forced but isn't in this case. The only real technical errors here are the occasional typo and the usual punctuation errors that most people make when they start writing (especially involving dialogue).

    There's a ton of potential here, and with time I can see this blossoming into a great fic. I really enjoyed it. Like I said I've been reading for a while and I will continue to do so in the future. Keep it up!

    If you have any questions or things you want examples for, just ask.

  3. #33
    Because I like Tophats Tophat Dragoneye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 7: Reunited)

    Quote Originally Posted by AetherX View Post
    Hey, I'm sorry I haven't done a review earlier. I've been a ghost reader for a while. I judged this for the Fall awards, though, so I thought I should speak my mind here. This is essentially a copy/paste of my judging, so it's a little harsher than I usually am in my reviews.

    Although I'm iffy on the plot's execution so far, this is a remarkably original story. The only stereotypical trope in sight (plot-wise at least) is a boy who can talk to Pokemon, and even then it's only with Don and is very well done. There are a ton of layers with lots of ambiguity (in a good way) that make the plot very compelling. That said, it lacks any real wow-factor so far. Hopefully that will change over the course of the story.

    You have done a wonderful job of making a vivid world that is more than just a place for the story to happen. The setting has real impact on the story, what with the whole Equality thing going on, the state of the government, etc. It's not perfect, but it's very near. The characters are varied and interesting, but I have a hard time empathizing with most of them. Each character has there own little plot arc going on at once, and it can be disconcerting when they seem to have no impact on each other. I'm not sure if that makes any sense at all.

    I'm not impressed with the specificity of the story's description. It comes across as more tell than show (something to pay attention to in the future). However, I'm giving extra points because the dialogue is EXCELLENT. Each character has a unique voice. That's something that's not easy to pull off and can seem forced but isn't in this case. The only real technical errors here are the occasional typo and the usual punctuation errors that most people make when they start writing (especially involving dialogue).

    There's a ton of potential here, and with time I can see this blossoming into a great fic. I really enjoyed it. Like I said I've been reading for a while and I will continue to do so in the future. Keep it up!

    If you have any questions or things you want examples for, just ask.
    Many thanks for the review, AetherX. Even though you said it's harsher than what you usually make, it's still very helpful. Hope you'll continue enjoy reading my fic
    Revolutionaryverse


    Many thanks to Blue Dragon for the signature

    ONE-shot: Forced into Retirement

  4. #34
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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 7: Reunited)

    @some colour no doubt;, @Flaze;

    It has been quite a while since I posted a chapter and for that, I'm sorry. Real life has a tendency to keep things out of track, but I guess you all know about that.

    Anyway, you may or may not have seen these a few months back.



    With that out of the way, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.

    Chapter 8: Challenging the Gym, Part 1

    Three days had passed since Team Rocket had attacked Pewter City’s Pokémon Center. While the police and detectives were still investigating the center, there weren’t as many as before and things were slowly going back to normal as it could get, even though the center was still demolished. As it turned out, the staff from the Pokémon Center did indeed provide everyone tents to sleep in. In Roger’s and everyone else’s case, they received one tent for the girls and one for him and Johnny.

    Aside from that, Roger had spent some of his time the last three days alongside Don searching for Emily in the city, but to no avail. There was no sign of her anywhere in Pewter City. Seeing how they wouldn’t find her in the city, he spent the rest of his time training Rampage for the upcoming gym battle, with Johnny and Halligan occasionally training with them as well. Don, however, didn’t help them; partially because of the agreement Roger made with him, but also because he was in a poor mood following their failure of finding any clues of Emily’s whereabouts.

    In the evening of the third day, they all gathered around their tents and talked about what they did that day.

    “So how did your training go today, Roger and Johnny?”, asked Rose.

    “It went well today. Both Rampage’s and Halligan’s power has improved”, explained Roger with a tired smile. He could feel that he had worked hard today and had become tired as a result.

    “Halligan’s attacks are now more precise and Rampage is more powerful with his now”, Johnny clarified with his own tired smile. He had also worked hard and was just as tired as Roger.

    “Sounds like both of you are ready to challenge the local gym. I’ve heard that the local gym leader came back today anyway, so you two might want to prepare yourselves”, stated Leaf to the two boys.

    “Looks like we’ll find out if our training has paid off soon, Johnny”, said Roger to Johnny with a confident smile.

    “Yep, I can’t wait to see how we’re going to handle it”, said Johnny with a cheerful smile.

    “Out of curiosity, how come the two of you haven’t trained your other Pokémon, Weedle and Spearow?”, asked Rose.

    “The gym leader here is a rock-type specialist, so my Weedle and Johnny’s Spearow stands little chance against him. Instead, we’re counting on that Rampage and Halligan can defeat his Pokémon without any hitch”, explained Roger to Rose.

    “Then what about Don over there? Isn’t he going to help you, Roger?”, asked Rose while pointing at Don , who was taking a nap underneath a nearby tree.

    “Didn’t I tell you guys already? Don and I made an agreement that he didn’t need to help me”, explained Roger. He had the day before finally told Leaf and Johnny about his ability to talk with Don, but also about his situation with finding Emily. They were understandably a bit skeptical at first, but he proved it after having Don listening to Rose’s and Johnny’s conversation, then telling everyone what they talked about after listening to Don. “Besides, he isn’t exactly in a good mood at the moment, so I don’t think it’s worth talking with him about it.”

    Despite what Roger had said, Rose still looked somewhat skeptical, but didn’t say anything more about the subject.

    “Still, it’s quite amazing you can understand what he’s saying, Roger. Many Pokémon trainers would be jealous about that ability”, noted Leaf.

    “I’d prefer the fewer who knows about it, the better. So please don’t talk about it in a crowd or anything, alright?”, said Roger.

    ***

    A few hours after they all went to sleep, Roger found himself unable to fall asleep out of nervousness, despite the training with Rampage made him tired. After all, as soon as morning would appear, he would go to the gym and challenge the gym leader. No matter how he tried to empty his thoughts or to find a relaxing position, he could not fall asleep.

    Seeing he couldn’t fall asleep anytime soon, he took on some clothes and his fedora and left the tent without waking up Johnny and Halligan to get some fresh air. As he got outside, he found Don sitting and watching the stars just nearby. Roger thought that he couldn’t sleep either for some reason, so he decided to join him.

    “Mind I sit here as well?”, Roger asked Don. Don didn’t mind and moved aside so Roger could also sit there. Roger sat down next to Don and also started watching the millions of stars and the full moon that covered the night sky.

    “You couldn’t sleep either?”, Roger asked.

    Not really. Not after having found no clues of Emily’s whereabouts”, admitted Don. “She’s a strong girl, but I can’t help but worry about her.

    “We’ll find her someday; we can’t expect a clue to simply walk right in front of us, so we’ll have to keep looking”, stated Roger as he kept looking at the sky.

    “[I]What about you, Roger? Nervousness before the gym battle tomorrow?[I]”, asked Don, to which Roger nodded in confirmation. “If you’re thinking about asking me for help, you already know my answer; my loyalty lies first and foremost with Emily, end of story.

    Roger simply nodded in agreement, thinking that Don must’ve overheard Rose’s comment earlier. They were both quiet for a while; none of them or nothing else breaking the silence the night provided except for a few crickets.

    “[I]Out of curiosity, Roger, I have almost never seen you without your hat nearby or on you. Is it important to you or anything?[I]”, Don broke the silence with his question. At first, Roger wasn’t certain how he was going to answer that question, but then he got an idea. He took off his fedora, pulled out a photo from a hidden room inside and gave it to Don.

    At first, Don looked confused at the photo until he seemed to have realized it. “Wait a minute, that little boy on it is you and the man is…

    “My dad, yes”, confirmed Roger.

    The picture in question depicted Roger as a five year old boy, who was sitting on one of his father’s shoulders while wearing a far too large white fedora on his head that partially covered his face. His father in the photo had a striking resemblance to his son in many ways, from the messy, silver hair to the yellow eyes. And in the background, Mt. Ember could be seen in the distance, while both father and son grinned and laughed in the photo. Seeing the photo again after having not seeing for a while made Roger feel nostalgic, yet also sad as well.

    “The fedora I’m wearing belonged to my dad before… before he died three years ago. You could say it is a memento in a way”, explained Roger with a sorrowful tone in his voice.

    How did he pass away?”, asked Don as he returned the photo to Roger.

    “He died in an accident three years ago, just a month before I was supposed to start my career as a Pokémon trainer. Needless to say, I was affected too much to do that”, explained Roger while placing his photo back inside the fedora. As much as he thought it would be unpleasant to talk about his father’s death, he felt somewhat relieved instead.

    Sorry to hear that, Roger. I know that feeling all too well. I’ve also lost someone close to me once”, stated Don, which surprised Roger. “[I]I’ve already told you that I was part of a clan before I met Emily, right? Just before I left it, we got attacked by some poachers and… well, a good friend of mine didn’t make it.[I]”

    “Sorry to hear that. Do you still miss that friend of yours?”, asked Roger.

    At times, yes. But I’ve learned to live with it”, admitted Don, causing Roger to note once again how similar they were in more than one way.

    “Thanks for the conversation, Don. I’ll head back to sleep now”, Roger thanked Don as he stood up and walked back inside the tent.

    You’re welcome”, said Don with a slight smile.

    ***

    The next morning, Roger began preparing himself for his upcoming battle with Pewter City’s gym leader. He was still nervous, but he knew that if everything went right in his battle, he would have his very first badge before the end of the day.

    After having dressed himself up with his usual clothes inside of his tent, Roger walked out of it and saw that Leaf and Rose were already up and were sitting nearby and talking with each other, while Johnny were still eating some breakfast with Halligan sitting next to him and eating special made food for Pokémon. Don, in the meantime, simply lied down on his back with closed eyes nearby and didn’t pay attention to his surroundings.

    “I’ll head for the gym now, guys. Is anyone else going to come with me?”, said Roger as he looked at everyone at the tents, catching everyone’s attention except for Don.

    “I’ll stay and continue my training with Halligan Roger. I want to be certain that we’ll be ready for our gym battle”, stated Johnny.

    “Fair enough, anyone else interested?”, asked Roger after nodding at Johnny’s response.

    “I can come and cheer you on”, said Rose with a cheerful smile as she stood up and walked over to Roger.

    “What about you two, Leaf and Don?”, Roger asked the remaining two.

    I’ll stay and keep Johnny and Halligan company, if you don’t mind”, stated Don while still lying down on his back with closed eyes.

    “Suit yourself I guess”, said Roger with raised shoulders. At this point, Roger noticed that Leaf were looking at Don and appeared to be in deep thoughts for some reason. “Is something wrong, Leaf?”

    “Oh… nothing, Roger. Just that I’m going to buy us some food for tonight, and I wondered if Don would help me”, stated Leaf, which caused Don to open his eyes wide open in surprise. It was quite clear that he didn’t expect to hear that.

    “You heard the lady; you should help her since you have nothing to do anyway”, said Roger with a smirk to Don before the flame Pokémon could protest.

    “By the way Roger, can I borrow some money? Otherwise, I can’t buy food for us”, Leaf asked Roger. Now it was Don’s turn to make a smirk at Roger, who regretted saying his earlier sentence to Don while taking out some money for Leaf. He was fortunate that he was given some money by his mother the day after Team Rocket’s attack, but was still reluctant about lending out more money after having spent a fortune on buying a sleeping bag for Rose and much more for Leaf, shoes included.

    After having given out some money to Leaf, Roger and Rose left everyone and started walking towards the direction of the exit of the park and where the Pokémon Center was. When they reached it, they noticed that the police wasn’t there anymore and instead, workers and Pokémon had started to repair the center.

    “Looks like the repairing of the damage is getting along pretty well”, remarked Rose.

    “It sure does. It probably won’t be long before we can rent rooms again or have our Pokémon being treated”, noted Roger as he observed both humans and Pokémon working together repairing the center.

    “By the way Roger, are you sure you shouldn’t ask Don for help?”, asked Rose regarding the upcoming gym battle.

    “I am, and Don even said to me last night he wouldn’t help me out of loyalty of his trainer”, Roger stated to Rose, while beginning to be annoyed of having the same question asked over and over. “Look, we’ve already been through this a couple of times now and I’m fairly certain I can handle this on my own. Can’t you just drop it now, Rose?”

    “Alright, if you say so”, said Rose seemly with disappointment before muttering something Roger’s couldn’t hear.

    Several minutes later, Roger and Rose could see in the distance what they presumed was the gym. As they got closer, Roger couldn’t help but note to himself that if the buildings made of rocks and giant pieces of wood were ordinary houses in Pewter City, what he saw would surely be considered a castle. Gigantic slabs of pure grey rocks acted as walls for the building with giant beams of wood supporting them, while multiple pieces of rocks of many sizes decorated the rooftop. The only thing that told that it was a building and not a gigantic rock they were looking at, were a pair of wooden doors acting as the front entrance and ‘Pewter City Gym’ engraved into the rock just above the entrance.

    “I think we found the place”, said Roger with sarcasm, while also being impressed by the sheer size of the building. Rose, in the meantime, simply nodded in agreement, as she was speechless by the building’s size.

    If Roger wasn’t nervous beforehand, he certainly was now. Getting unnerved by the size of the impressive building, he began to second-guess whether or not he was ready. But after briefly looking at Rose, he was reminded of that he told her that he could do this on his own. After being annoyed from being asked all the time about why Don wasn’t going to help him, Roger didn’t want to admit that he perhaps needed help after all. Instead, he walked over to the heavy, wooden doors, opened them and entered the gym, quickly followed by Rose.

    What they saw inside explained why the gym had such a large size very well. The majority of the building was dedicated to a large field meant for Pokémon battles, which were lit up by the many lights on top of the ceiling. Though Roger already knew about battlefields based on what he had seen for himself in the past, this one specifically had multiple pieces of rocks in several sizes decorating it. On each side of the field were areas where spectators could sit and watch Pokémon battles, though they were currently empty except for one person, who stood and looked at the battlefield. However, he hadn’t noticed Roger and Rose entering the building until Roger called out for him.

    “Excuse me; I’m looking for the gym leader! Do you know where I can find him?”, Roger asked the stranger from the entrance with a loud voice. That caught the stranger’s attention and he started walking towards the two of them.

    As the stranger got closer, Roger could see that he was at least the same height as his older brother, though his skin color were darker and he had brown, spiky hair that were a bit shorter than Roger’s. He couldn’t help but notice that the stranger’s clothing, consisting of a pair of thick, dark green trousers, gray sneakers and a black t-shirt underneath a red and gray, sleeveless jacket, seemed to be suited for exploration and travels, causing him to think that the stranger was a Pokémon trainer like him. And as the teenager stopped in front of them, Roger immediately noticed that his eyes were completely shut closed, even though he didn’t seemed handicapped by that at all.

    “I am the gym leader. What do you need from me?”, the teenager asked Roger, who were surprised that he already was meeting the gym leader.

    “I’m Roger Harley from the Sevii Islands, and I’ve come to challenge you for the badge”, Roger forced out of his mouth to the teenager just as his nervousness came back. The teenager looked at him, or at least Roger presumed he did since he couldn’t actually see his eyes, for a few seconds in silence, before he eventually smiled.

    “I can see you’re the kind of guy who doesn’t waste any time with long speeches, Roger. I’m Brock by the way, gym leader of Pewter City’s gym and rock-type specialist”, Brock introduced himself before extending his hand for a handshake, to which Roger responded in kind. “May I ask how badges you’ve collected so far?”

    “I haven’t acquired a badge yet, so this will be my first gym battle”, explained Roger. At that point, he noticed something about Brock. It was only for a split second, but he could’ve sworn that Brock’s smile disappeared in that time.

    “Very well, I’ll go and get into position. Just so you know, it’s a two versus two battle we’ll have today”, Brock explained to Roger before he left to the opposite side of the battlefield.

    “I’ll watch your battle from the spectator’s area. Good luck, Roger”, said Rose with a smile before running over to the spectator’s area to watch the battle.

    “Thanks Rose. I’ll give it my all!”, Roger managed to say before Rose were out of hearing range. He then walked over to his side of the battlefield and prepared himself by taking out Rampage’s pokéball. But suddenly, he heard something beep in one of his pockets, something he sincerely hoped he would never hear again.

    However, his fears were realized when he picked out his Pokédex from his pocket and learned that the beeping indeed came from it.

    “POKÉMON BATTLE CONFIRMED. CLASSIFICATION: GYM BATTLE. DETERMING THE MOST OPTIMAL OUTCOME, PLEASE WAIT…”, the Pokédex said in computerized, female voice.

    “Oh no, not again…”, lamented Roger. He remembered very well the first time his Pokédex acted like that when he first caught Rampage, which happened again when he caught the Weedle in Viridian Forest. Only this time, however, did it activate just before a battle and Roger had no idea what it would do.

    “OPTIMAL OUTCOME CALCULATED. BROCK, GYM LEADER OF PEWTER CITY GYM, WILL WIN THE BATTLE WITH NO LOSSES”, the Pokédex said. Roger was almost about to curse out loud when he heard that, but then, another voice could be heard from the Pokédex and this time, it wasn’t the same computerized voice as before.

    “Did you get the order from your Pokédex, Roger?”, Brock asked him through the Pokédex. Roger briefly looked over at Brock and saw that he was holding something in his hand he presumed was his own Pokédex, causing him to realize that the Pokédex also worked as a two-way communicator. But that wasn’t what immediately concerned him.

    “How come we’re going to listen what our Pokédexes says instead of having a normal battle?”, asked Roger through the Pokédex, while having difficulty hiding his anger in his voice. What followed afterwards was silence from Brock that felt like it lasted a minute before he finally said something.

    “It’s for the best you follow the order, Roger. Otherwise, the consequences could be severe for you”, stated Brock over the Pokédex. “I know it’s hard for you to accept that you’re going to lose, but bear with it, OK?”

    If Roger wasn’t angry before, he certainly was now. Right there, Brock told him to ‘bear with it’, as if it was nothing. But he was not going to ‘bear with it’. Neither he nor his Pokémon would ever forgive him if he forced them into a loss. And if his father was still alive, neither would he.

    ***

    Don couldn’t help but be annoyed at the moment. He had hoped for a day doing nothing and thinking things through after failing to find a clue about Emily’s whereabouts. Instead, he was somehow persuaded, or forced from his point of view, by Leaf and Roger into helping the former with buying some food for the group. Though he couldn’t help but notice that it wouldn’t work very well since Pokémon weren’t allowed inside stores. As such, he figured that Leaf wanted to talk with him about something, but what exactly?

    But even after Leaf had bought everything they needed, while he was forced to wait at the stores’ entrances with the wares they had acquired so far, she hadn’t said anything yet that would confirm his suspicion. Even as they were walking back to the park, Leaf didn’t say a thing nor did she look at Don. It was only when they had reached the entrance of park that she finally talked to him.

    “Don, there’s something I wanted to ask you about”, said Leaf as she stopped walking and looked down at Don.

    “Finally”, muttered Don to himself as he too stopped walking. He had wondered why it took so long for her to finally say something. Nevertheless, he looked at her and waited to hear what she wanted to talk about.

    “It’s about your trainer, Emily, but also about Roger”, explained Leaf while looking at Don. “I know that Roger said that you didn’t want to battle for him out of loyalty to Emily, but what would she say to you if she knew that?”

    Of all the things Don could’ve expected, this was the last thing he would’ve thought of. While he didn’t show it, he was still surprised by that question.

    “Wouldn’t she have told you to help Roger as much as possible? That you at least owe it to him?”, Leaf asked Don. He looked away for a brief moment and thought about what Leaf had asked him. If he did this out of loyalty to Emily, then should he instead be helping Roger? Was it pride instead of loyalty that held him back?

    “I’ll… think about”, said Don before realizing that Leaf couldn’t understand his words. “Dammit, I’m getting too used to talk with Roger. But even if you can’t understand me, thanks for telling me that anyway”, Don quietly said to Leaf before continuing to walk into the park. But as he walked out of hearing range, Leaf smiled and said something quietly.

    “You’re welcome.”

    ***

    For a gray boulder with a face that had rocky eyebrows, brown eyes and a mouth, and a pair of arms sticking out of it, the Geodude moved around quite fast despite its apparent handicap. Both Roger and Rampage had noticed that quickly, as the pig monkey Pokémon were struggling to land even one hit. Geodude on the other hand, had managed to land a couple of good hits on Rampage with its fists.

    Meanwhile, Brock simply stood there with crossed arms and observed the battle, giving the Geodude new orders when needed. He hadn’t moved from his position when the battle started, and neither had Roger, who was starting to get annoyed. While it was obvious to him that Brock wasn’t going all out, Rampage still had trouble fighting Geodude, despite going all out himself. And Roger wasn’t certain that Brock had realized that yet, due to the order they both got from their Pokédexes.

    If this keeps up, I really AM going to lose!, Roger thought to himself in frustration. He and Rampage needed to get their act together if they were to have a chance of winning.

    “Geodude, use Dynamic Punch!”, Roger heard Brock shout to his Pokémon; it would seem he wanted to end this battle. It was now or never, Roger knew they had to counterattack.

    “Kick the attack to the side and then follow up with Low Kick, Rampage!”, Roger quickly shouted to Rampage while the Geodude started charging towards its opponent with one of its fists glowing metallic brown.

    But Rampage was quicker this time. He jumped on top of one of the stone pillars and then jumped towards Geodude, who was immediately caught by surprise and could do nothing as its clenched fist was knocked aside by a kick, followed by another kick right in between the eyes. But Rampage didn’t stop there; he instead continued to deliver multiple kicks to Geodude’s face until the rock Pokémon were sent flying towards and into another stone pillar.

    They had finally started their counterattack and Roger couldn’t help but smile in satisfaction. Likewise, Rampage jumped up and down on top of a pillar, almost like a victory dance, despite that the Geodude was slowly hovering back up into the air. Nevertheless, it still looked groggy from that last attack, and Roger and Rampage was not going to let this opportunity get away.

    “What are you doing? You were supposed to lose, Roger!”, Roger suddenly heard Brock ask him through his Pokédex in both surprise and anger. He quickly looked over to Brock and saw that he indeed was holding his Pokédex and was talking to it like a walkie-talkie. “Have you forgotten Equality’s orders? If you don’t follow them, you’ll only get us into trouble!”

    “I haven’t forgotten the ‘order’, Brock. It’s just that I can’t ‘deal with it’ when I find the very thought revolting and disgusting. How am I going to live with myself if everything’s predetermined and that me and my Pokémon can’t do our best?”, explained Roger to Brock over their Pokédexes.

    Brock went quiet after Roger’s statement. Roger couldn’t see it from where he was standing, but it seemed that the gym leader was deep in thoughts. Only when his Geodude had fully recovered did Brock speak again.

    “So it’s down to ‘do your best’? I thought that was enough for me as well at one point. But I learned quickly that it wasn’t”, said Brock through the Pokédex in an almost somber tone. “It’s best for you to know that the hard way.”

    To Roger’s and Rampage’s surprise, Brock recalled his Geodude into its pokéball before pulling out another one. When he tossed out the new pokéball, the energy it released grew bigger and bigger until it towered above Roger and Rampage and nearly reached the ceiling. It formed into a gigantic snake, whose body composed of a giant chain of boulders that got smaller towards its tail. The head had a rocky spine on top of it and a pair of black eyes right underneath it. From its mouth came an ear-deafening roar that caused dust from the ceiling to fall down and lamps to shake.

    Every fiber in Roger’s body could feel that roar and they shouted at him to run away. But he didn’t and had to question his sanity for not doing so for a moment, despite the fear that began to grow within him. He had only seen an Onix either on television or in illustration or pictures from books, but he had never expected for one to be this big. Likewise, Rampage looked surprised as well by the Onix’s size and was momentarily paralyzed.

    “ROGER, SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY!”, Roger suddenly heard Rose shouting to him from the spectator seats. He turned his head to her and realized that he had forgotten that she was watching the battle. “YOU STILL GOT A SHOT AT THIS, ROGER! JUST KEEP YOUR HEAD COOL!”

    “Onix, use Rock Tomb to trap his Mankey!”, Brock suddenly shouted to his Onix, causing Roger to redirect his attention back to the battlefield.

    “Jump out of the way, Rampage!”, Roger quickly shouted to his Pokémon, who did as told just as four pillars of rock emerged from the ground, trying to trap Rampage.

    But even as Rampage had jumped to safety, another set pillars emerged underneath him, forcing him to jump to another area again. After a couple of times of evading the rising pillars, Rampage was too slow with the last set of pillars and one of his legs got caught between two of them, trapping him and leaving him at the mercy of the mighty Onix.

    “Finish it off with Iron Tail!”, Brock commanded his Onix to do. The rock snake Pokémon raised its tail while its colors disappeared and was replaced by a metallic appearance that reflected its surroundings.

    Roger could only watch and shout for Rampage to get out of there, as the tail slammed down on the defenseless Mankey, crushing the pillars as well in the process and creating a cloud of dust the covered the entire area, followed by a deafening thunder caused by the impact.

    There was an eerie silence in the gym as Onix removed its tail from the impact crater. As the dust cleared, Roger could see Rampage’s broken and unconscious body lying in the middle of the crater. At that moment, the heavy truth that he had lost the battle hit him. Equality’s orders were now irrelevant for the battle, as Brock had secured his victory through brute force.

    “Now you know what happens when you cross Equality’s line. I hope this will make you rethink your earlier ‘do your best’ statement”, said Brock through the Pokédex before recalling his Onix and leaving the field, leaving Roger, Rose and the unconscious Rampage alone in the gym.

    ***

    “Damn it, Damn it, GOD DAMN IT!”, shouted Roger in anger while repeatedly kicking a tree with full force.

    “You need to stop kicking that tree soon, Roger. Otherwise, your leg will start bleeding”, Rose said to Roger from nearby with worry in her voice.

    “I’m fine, Rose”, Roger lied while he walked over to Rose and Rampage, who was lying down and was still being healed by his feather.

    While he didn’t show it to them, his leg was actually hurting quite a bit from repeated kicking and had to be careful not to step to hard with it. The only thing that kept the pain from being worse was his anger and frustration over the way he lost to Brock. Partly because of the gym leader being so heavily influenced by Equality, but also the devastating loss he suffered from the battle. But for now, he knew he had to focus on Rampage’s recovery, despite wishing to make Brock eat his own words a hundred times over.

    After they had left the gym, they had found a nearby, small river with a couple of trees, one which had just suffered from Roger’s rage, all which were at the outskirt of the city and away from prying eyes. After all, Roger’s feather and its healing abilities was something they didn’t want to reveal in the public.

    “You know Roger, I couldn’t help but notice that Brock behaved somewhat like a jerk for leaving the battle unfinished with you. It was supposed to be a two versus two battle after all, right?”, Rose pointed out as Roger sat down next to her and Rampage.

    “I have to agree with you on that point, Rose. But what does it matter? Rampage got beaten, leaving me with only my Weedle as my only remaining Pokémon. It was practically a loss for me”, said Roger in frustration.

    They were both quiet for a few minutes and Roger used that time to inspect Rampage’s injuries. After a quick inspection, he felt that the injuries weren’t going to be a problem anymore and took his feather back and recalled Rampage into his pokéball. As soon as he touched his feather and placed it around his neck, he could feel the warmth of healing down on the leg he had used to kick the tree, relieving him of the pain he had gained beforehand.

    While he was grateful that the feather had been of great help, he had hoped he wouldn’t have to use it to heal serious injuries similar to those Don once had. Smaller wounds were alright, but he didn’t like to see such severe injuries, despite the miraculous powers of his feather. Both he and Rose had been horrified of Rampage’s injuries being so severe, and even though Rose didn’t show it afterwards, he knew that she was only putting on a brave façade, just like he was.

    “There’s something I want to ask you about Roger. I noticed that both you and Brock pulled out your Pokédexes at times and seemed to be talking to them. What was that all about?”, Rose asked Roger.

    The question made Roger somewhat uncomfortable, as he hadn’t told Rose anything about Equality yet because he completely forgot about it up until the gym battle. What’s more, he wasn’t sure how to explain everything to her. Nevertheless, he tried to as much as he could to explain the situation in the battle to Rose, but didn’t go into detail about or mentioned Equality, or what they did to trainers that disobeyed their orders, as he was afraid of how Rose would react. When he was done, it was quite clear that Rose looked disgusted and horrified.

    “So you were forced to follow an order that dictated the battle beforehand, while Brock accepted it willingly? That’s horrible!”, Rose angrily said.

    “It is, Rose. I just don’t understand why Brock was willing to go that low”, noted Roger while shaking his head.

    “It’s because he’s afraid that he may go even lower if he doesn’t listen to those orders, Roger”, a voice suddenly said to them. Both Roger and Rose turned around and saw a male teenager a few years older than them standing a few meters away.

    Despite the warm weather, the teenager was wearing a brown beanie on top of his head that covered the majority of his black hair, a thick, gray hoodie and a pair of black trousers, causing Roger to think whether or not the older teenager in front of them was literally a walking sauna. Despite that, the teenager didn’t seem bothered by it at all.

    “And what do you mean by that?”, asked Rose the pale-skinned stranger with half-closed eyes as he approached, but Roger quickly interrupted her.

    “Who are you and how did you know of my name?”, Roger quickly asked with suspicion as he and Rose stood up.

    “Your brother, Tommy, told me, Roger. Did he neglect to tell you about me?”, asked the stranger, but Roger was still vary about him. “Never mind, my name’s Duncan, Duncan Wright. I’m an old friend of Tommy and he sent me to explain a couple of things.”

    Roger was still not sure about him, but decided to at least give Duncan a chance to explain. “So how do you know my brother, anyway?”

    “Long story, really, and not one I’m willing to talk about”, Duncan bluntly said with raised shoulders, which didn’t improve Roger’s suspicions. “But let’s just say I owe him my help.”

    “I’m still not sure about you. You haven’t proved what you’ve said is the truth”, Roger pointed out.

    "Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves", Duncan quoted, which surprised Roger, but also made him smile a bit.

    “Albert Einstein, Tommy’s favorite quote”, noted Roger as he relaxed.

    “And why is that Tommy’s favorite quote, Roger?”, Rose asked him with a slight blush.

    “You don’t want to know, Rose”, said Roger with a wry smile before turning his attention back to Duncan. “Anyway, you wanted to tell me something. What is it?”

    “Back when Brock just started out as Pewter City’s gym leader a few years ago, he had a large losing streak right from the beginning. In fact, he was at risk of losing his job”, explained Duncan. “That was around when Equality took over the Pokémon League.”

    Rose looked at Roger in confusion when Equality was mentioned, but he quickly gave her a look that told her that he would explain later. Duncan looked at both of them with a curious look, but continued anyway.

    “Anyway, since Equality came to power, Brock has won more battles than what he could’ve hoped for, all because their outcomes were dictated in the background”, explained Duncan. “It’s just like in a game of poker, where the dealer has rigged the deck to favor one player. It sure leaves a bad taste in one’s mouth, doesn’t it?”

    Even though he had wasn’t sure he understood the metaphor, Roger couldn’t help but agree with Duncan that the situation gave him a bad taste in his mouth. As he thought back to the battle with Brock, where he said that doing’s his best wasn’t enough, he realized what he meant. But it only served to make him more frustrated and angry. Not knowing what else to do, Roger started to walk back to the gym.

    “Where are you going Roger?”, asked Rose.

    “Back to the gym, I want to have a word with Brock about everything”, explained Roger.

    “I wouldn’t go there now if I were you”, stated Duncan to Roger. “The Gym Killer is over at the gym at the moment and having a battle with Brock.”

    “Gym Killer?”, asked Roger. But suddenly, they could hear a huge, ferocious roar coming from the direction of the gym. Roger had never heard such a roar before in his life that could hit him in the chest like a shockwave. Before he knew it, he ran towards the direction of the gym to investigate. Whatever the roar came from, he was certain it was something big and powerful.
    Last edited by Tophat Dragoneye; 16th January 2014 at 05:01 AM.
    Revolutionaryverse


    Many thanks to Blue Dragon for the signature

    ONE-shot: Forced into Retirement

  5. #35
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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 8: Challenging the Gym, Part 1)

    Well this chapter was actually pretty interesting. While the battle itself was short it was still engaging enough for me to really get into it, well that and the fact I just wanted to hear an explanation as to why everyone has to abide by this stupid rules goooooddddd! Equality sucks. Anyways um...I suck xD I don't really have anything to criticize grammar wise, except that I really like that your chapters all have their own um...niche to them, there's never a boring chapter since each one tries to add something new to the plot.

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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 8: Challenging the Gym, Part 2)

    @some colour no doubt;, @Flaze;

    Well, this has been a long time coming. However, a couple of things stopped my from finishing this chapter, but it doesn't matter now. Anyway, some of you might know this, but just in case...


    With that out of the way, I hope you'll enjoy chapter 9.

    Chapter 9: Challenging the gym, Part 2: The training

    The roar Roger felt a few minutes ago was still tingling in his body, even as he continued to run. While he wasn’t sure who or what made it in the first place, he was certain that it was big, strong and was currently in the Pewter Gym. But was it with the so-called “Gym Killer” Duncan talked about?

    As Roger saw the gym in the distance and got closer, he noticed that something was off. It wasn’t clear at first for him, but as he stopped at the two wooden doors at the front of the gym, he could feel that there was something powerful on the other side. With some hesitance, he pressed his right hand on one of the doors. But as he touched it, the door fell forward with a large thump, causing dust to fly into the air. However, something else on the other side of the now open door caught his attention. He could see some sort of large silhouette standing in the middle of the field that was currently covered in a large cloud of dust.

    Though Roger couldn’t exactly see what the silhouette precisely looked like, he could see a person, who was also partially covered by clouds of dusts, stood where he did just a few hours ago and assumed that that person was currently battling Brock. But how was it going with the battle? To find out, Roger ran towards the spectator’s area on the left to get a better view.

    However, as soon as he had entered it he stopped running and saw in disbelief Brock’s Onix lying unconsciously on the now destroyed spectator’s area. Even from a distance, Roger could see that it was badly hurt. There were multiple multiple cracks on its body and it was missing a piece of its horn. And where its head currently was, there was a large hole on the wall that revealed the outdoor area. In his shock, Roger figured that Onix hit the wall after being attacked by whatever it fought against.

    It was then that he heard a deep growl coming from the battlefield and turned his attention there. Even though dust still covered it, he could see something big standing there, not as big as Onix but larger than a human and looked something like a terrifying dragon. But just as fast as he saw it, it disappeared. Before Roger could realize what happened, he heard a voice he didn’t recognize.

    “The outcome has been decided. I win the Boulder Badge”, a female voice coming from the side where the creature was before. By now, Roger expected Brock, who was starting to become visible through the clouds of dusts, to say something, yet there was only silence for what felt like minutes.

    “Not only did you defy Equality’s orders, but you also destroy most of my gym and heavily wounded my Pokémon in the process? How do you EXPECT that I’ll WILLINGLY give you a badge?!”, Brock finally said with an angry tone that was loud and clear, catching Roger by surprise. He knew that Brock was somewhat in bad mood after their battle, but this was on a completely different level.

    Just a few seconds after Brock talked, footsteps could be heard echoing in the giant hall. As the clouds of dusts finally disappeared, Roger saw a girl within his age range walking towards the gym leader. Just like Rose, she had red hair, but in comparison, it had a brighter coloration, and it was tied into a spiky ponytail at the back of her head. And from what Roger could see from distance, she was wearing a brown leather coat with some sort of black, shirt underneath, a pair of blue jeans that had a few holes here and there and a pair of leather boots that were completely black.

    “Do you need to be reminded of how our battle went?”, asked the girl as she quickly pulled out a Pokéball almost like a revolver from a wild west movie. Though her tone was not threatening, Brock looked clearly alarmed of what the girl said.

    “A-alright, alright, I give in. You can have your badge…”, Brock gave in and picked out something from his pocket, which Roger assumed was a badge. The girl, now seemly satisfied, put her Pokéball away, walked over and took the badge Brock was holding.

    “I’ll take my leave then”, the girl said before turning and walking back towards the exit.

    While it was brief, it was at that moment that she and Roger got eye contact. In that brief moment, Roger could see a level of confidence he had never seen before in her green eyes, yet there was also something underneath that he wasn’t certain of. Was it anger, or something else?

    “Oh… You’re here, Roger?”, Roger suddenly heard Brock say to him, snapping him out of the eye contact and causing him to look at Brock, who had just entered the spectator’s area and was approaching him.

    “Oh… yeah, I happened to be nearby and heard something coming from the gym and… well, saw this”, explained Roger to Brock as he recalled his injured Onix. Roger quickly looked back towards where he last saw the girl, but by then she was already gone.

    “Listen, Roger. I know your kind all too well that you want a rematch. However, as things stands right now, it will have to wait”, Roger heard Brock explaining to him, obviously referring to his injured Pokémon.

    “How long will it take before you take any more challengers then?”, asked Roger as he returned his attention back to Brock.

    “Probably about a week, with both the repairs of my gym and the recovery of my Pokémon taken into account”, stated Brock.

    “Then if it’s alright with you, I’ll be back in one week then for another battle then”, said Roger with a tone of seriousness. Brock was quiet for a moment before he talked again.

    “Alright then, but do not defy Equality’s orders again. Otherwise, don’t expect any sugar coating from me”, Brock warned Roger before walking away and left the gym through the exit.

    Fat chance with that, Brock, Roger thought to himself as Brock went out of his sight. He was not and did not want to get defeated so easily next time. And now, he had one week to prepare himself and his Pokémon for the upcoming rematch, and he was not going to let that go to waste. They needed to get powerful enough to overcome Brock, just like the mysterious girl from before did.

    ***

    After Roger left the gym once more, he rejoined with Rose and Duncan and met up with Don, Johnny and Leaf at the park near the local Pokémon Center. It was there that he explained everyone what he had witnessed, including the agreement he had with Brock while they were all, except for Duncan, sitting underneath a tree.

    “So that’s what happened at the gym. I’m just glad nothing happened to you, Roger”, said Rose with relief as Roger finished explaining.

    “But that means that we can’t challenge the gym for a week! And here I was getting excited for my battle”, said Johnny with disappointment.

    “There’s nothing we can do about it, unfortunately”, noted Leaf. “But at least the both of you have an extra week now to prepare.”

    “Yeah, but I still wonder why the Gym Killer went and destroyed most of the gym in process”, said Roger before looking at Duncan with a suspicious look, who was standing nearby and holding his bag over his shoulder. He had a feeling he knew something about her.

    “Well, based on the description of the girl you gave us, it was definitely the Gym Killer you saw. I have seen her in action before, and it ain’t pretty”, explained Duncan with a grim look on his face.

    “Have all of her gym battles ended up like this one?”, asked Roger, referring to the gym battle with Brock.

    “I don’t know the exact number, but Pewter Gym would be at least the third gym that has faced her wrath ever since she appeared in this region one month ago”, explained Duncan. “Some say that she has some sort of grudge against someone related to the gyms, though I’m not entirely certain who it could be.”

    At that point, Roger noticed that Johnny looked rather interested in what Duncan had just said.

    “Is something the matter, Johnny?”, asked Roger.

    “Well… In Cerulean City, where I come from, our local gym was badly damaged by someone during a battle. I guess we now know who it was”, said Johnny with a surprisingly serious tone.

    “How badly damaged was the gym?”, Roger asked with some hesitation. He had a feeling he knew the answer.

    “I haven’t seen it for myself, but I know that the gym was closed for two weeks due to repairs”, explained Johnny.

    “That definitely sounds like her, especially since Cerulean Gym is among those gyms I talked about”, noted Duncan. “In any case, you should watch yourself if you guys ever end up in a battle with her. Now then, I’ll take my leave if you don’t mind, as I got some business to attend to. Be seeing ya all.”

    With that, Duncan left the group to think about what he had told them.

    ***

    The following night, Roger had barely slept at all, yet didn’t felt tired. Instead, he had been constantly thinking about his upcoming rematch with Brock. He still remembered the warning Brock gave him if he ever disobeyed Equality’s orders again, but also his reason for being so obedient to the organization, which Duncan had explained to him earlier. However, he was also thinking about the Gym Killer.

    Who was she and why was she apparently so brutal that gyms would get destroyed in battles with her? No matter how many times he thought about it, he could only conclude that the look she gave him briefly was full of anger and frustration. Did she have anything against Equality that made her be so brutal? Or was it someone else related to the gyms, as Duncan hinted at?

    As he thought about it, sunlight began to shine through the small opening of the tent, signaling the start of a new day. Realizing that he would not fall asleep again anytime soon, Roger decided to get out of his sleeping bag and dress himself up with his usual clothes, before placing his Pokéballs on his belt.

    In the end, even if Brock obeys Equality in order to be successful, I won’t back down from my principles and believes and obey some stupid orders. But I will not go down so low as the Gym Killer’s either. I’ll fight my own way, Roger thought to himself as he put on his fedora.

    Slowly and carefully, he walked out of the tent without waking up Johnny and Halligan, who were still asleep. But as soon as he stepped out of the tent and had walked a couple of steps, a familiar voice stopped him.

    And where do you think you’re going?”, Roger heard Don asking him. Roger turned around and saw that he was standing next to the entrance of the tent with crossed arms and had a neutral expression on his face.

    “Out for some training, I need to get ready for my rematch after all”, explained Roger.

    This early? That’s an unusual level of dedication from you. Normally, you would wait until you had eaten breakfast and certainly not before the sun had barely risen”, Don pointed out.

    “I just want to have a good chance against Brock when I battle him”, stated Roger before turning around to walk again.

    Even I can tell this isn’t just about Brock. You’re bothered about the Gym Killer, right?”, asked Don, which caused Roger to stop walking and sigh.

    “You read me like an open book”, Roger sighed. “You’re right, Don. I really am bothered about her. I’m bothered about how she managed to destroyed Brock’s gym so easily and how powerful she could be. But I’m also bothered about her method of battling.”

    Roger paused for a moment as turned to face Don again with a serious look on his face.

    “While I know that I and my Pokémon need to get stronger, I will never go that low just to win a battle! I want to fight in an honest way, not through brutality or by decisions dictated by others.”

    Don didn’t say anything at first, but merely observed him for a moment. Eventually, he started talking with a smile.

    Training on your own won’t do you much good. I’ll help you with it”, he said, which surprised Roger.

    “Wait, what? Didn’t you say earlier you didn’t want to help me?”, asked Roger in surprise.

    Well… Let’s just say, I went through some soul-searching regarding that”, stated Don.

    Roger was quite surprise by that statement. Up until now, Don had been adamant about not helping him, no matter what. But here and now, Don said he had changed his mind. He wasn’t sure about what made him do that, but he was nevertheless happy that the flame Pokémon was now willing to help him.

    “Alright then. Any help is much appreciated, Don”, Roger thanked Don with a smile.

    “Don’t forget about me and Halligan, Roger”, Johnny’s voice suddenly came from the tent as he and Halligan walked out of it with serious expressions on their faces. “We heard what you talked about outside with Don. I don’t like it either with both Equality and the Gym Killer, especially since she destroyed my hometown’s gym.”

    “So you’re going to join us in training then?” asked Roger with surprise, as he didn’t know that they were awake the entire time.

    “Yes, we are more than ready”, Johnny answered with a smile, to which Roger couldn’t help but smile back and exchange a high-five with Johnny.

    The more, the merrier, I guess. Anyway, let’s find a good place to train”, said Don with a smile of his own before beckoning Roger, Johnny and Halligan to follow him. Soon enough, they found a relatively empty spot in the park that they could use and didn’t have any tents or people nearby.

    Alright then, this looks like a decent spot. Roger and Johnny, release all of your Pokémon, you and they are going to face me in a training battle here and now”, explained Don.

    “You sure about this, Don? You’ll be outnumbered against us”, asked Roger with a little worry.

    Don’t worry about it, I’m more than tough enough to handle that”, stated Don while winking with his left eye. Somewhat reassured from that statement, Roger released Rampage and his Weedle before telling Johnny to do the same.

    He complied and threw up in the air a Pokéball that opened up midair and released his Spearow. Though Roger had seen the Pokémon a couple of times before, he was always surprised to see that it was larger than it’s other, fellow brown, avian species. But just like any other Spearow, its head was covered in a rough, brown plumage and its beak short and hooked. Its underside of its body was beige with two, thin stripes, while its back was completely black and had some brown tail feathers on its rear end.

    After being released from its Pokéball, the Spearow landed on the grass with its pink talons and stretched its pinkish red wings into the air, obviously relieved to be out in the fresh air. Likewise, Rampage and Roger’s Weedle looked happy to be out of their Pokéballs as well, despite the fact that it was early in the morning.

    “Rampage and Weedle, I know you two are happy to be out of your Pokéballs, but we need to start training for our rematch”, explained Roger to his Pokémon. Weedle didn’t seem thrilled by that, but Rampage on the other hand, was surprisingly eager.

    Furball here still remembers his defeat from yesterday, Roger. He’s more than pumped for a rematch”, explained Don, “which will work to our advantage. After all, we’re going to go through some really tough training for a week.

    “OK, then. Let’s begin the training! You ready as well, Johnny?”, Roger asked Johnny.

    “More than ready, and so it’s Halligan and Storm”, said Johnny, with both of his Pokémon cheering on as well.

    Alright then. Get into position, everyone. This will be a you guys versus me, but don’t hold back!”, said Don as he got ready to fight.

    ***

    Despite the disadvantage in terms of number, Don was more than capable when it came to taking on Rampage, Weedle, Halligan and Storm the Spearow all at once. Nearly every time one or two Pokémon tried to attack, Don would counter them and strike. And even so, it was clear he was holding back.

    However, Roger noticed that the only one who initially didn’t participate was Weedle. Instead, it watched from the sidelines and tried to avoid taking part in the training. However, Don and Rampage had noticed that as well and both dragged the reluctant bug Pokémon into their training several times. Despite that, it was only on the third day that Weedle finally gave up trying to avoid training and now fully participated alongside everyone.

    This continued on for the next few days, where every Pokémon fighting Don were showing signs of improvement and in return, Don wasn’t holding back his power as much as the first few day. Rampage’s physical strength and stamina had considerably improved, while Weedle, who during Team Rocket’s attack had retreated back to its Pokéball, was showing signs of bravery and resourcefulness with its limited amount of moves. With both String Shot and Poison Sting, even Don had to begin being careful, as those attacks was slowing him down and put him at greater risk of being hit by some of the other Pokémon’s attacks.

    Halligan and Storm, in the meantime, were also improving. Not only had they become stronger during the one week of training, they had also learned a couple of new moves as well, such as Ice punch or Aerial Ace.

    Finally, on the day before the rematch with Brock, both Roger and Johnny agreed to have a practice battle to see how much they’ve improved.

    So you’re going to have a double battle today?”, asked Don.

    “Yep, in order to test out the result of our one week of training”, stated Roger with a smile and a little excitement. His Weedle was sitting on his right shoulder, while Rampage was hanging on left arm and they were also both eager to start the battle.

    Johnny, in the meantime, was standing with his Pokémon about fifteen meters away and was getting ready for the practice battle with them. For Roger and Johnny, even though this was only a training battle, they both knew that they were going to enjoy this.

    “Alright, are you ready, Johnny?”, Roger shouted to Johnny, while his Pokémon jumped off him and readied themselves.

    “More than ever, Roger”, Johnny shouted back, while his own Pokémon took their positions on what would become the battlefield.

    “POKÉMON BATTLE CONFIRMED. PLEASE STANDBY FOR ORDERS FROM EQUALITY”, a familiar, computerized, female voice came from Roger’s pocket, one which Roger instantly recognized.

    “Now hold on a moment”, Roger said quickly as he took out his Pokédex from his pocket, “this is a practice battle, not an actual battle, you know?”

    “PRACTICE… BATTLE?”, the Pokédex paused. “SEARCHING DATASE FOR ANY POSSIBLE REFERENCE…”

    “Hey Roger, did you say anything to your Pokédex? Mine just stopped giving its orders all of a sudden”, Johnny called out to him while holding his Pokédex in the air.

    “Yeah, I did. Who knows, maybe we’ll be lucky”, Roger answered back. And soon enough, the Pokédex started talking again.

    “DATABASE SEARCH COMPLETE. NO REFERENCE TO PRACTICE BATTLE FOUND. PARTICIPANTS OF THIS BATTLE WILL NOT RECEIVE THEIR ORDERS”, the Pokédex stated.

    “That’s more like it”, said Roger with a smile as he put his Pokédex back into his pocket. “Everything’s clear now, Johnny. We can start the practice battle.”

    “OK, then I’ll make the first move. Storm and Halligan, use Fury Attack and Ice Punch!”, Johnny shouted with an outstretched arm, immediately followed by his Pokémon starting to run towards their opponents.

    “Fine by me. Rampage, charge up with Focus Energy! Weedle, delay them with a wide String Shot!”, Roger shouted to his Pokémon. Both of them did as told, with Rampage glowing with a crimson aura, while Weedle started to fire from its mouth sticky web that was spreading itself towards Halligan and Storm.

    That, however, didn’t seem to deter their opponents. Instead, both Storm and Halligan kept charging towards them without hesitation. It was clear that the one week of training had hardened them both, so Roger decided to change strategy.

    “Change of plans, guys! Jump on top of Rampage, Weedle! And Rampage, use Double Team as soon as Weedle is on you!”, Roger quickly shouted to his Pokémon.

    As soon as Weedle was on top of Rampage’s head, the pig monkey Pokémon created multiple clones of himself and Weedle out of thin air, and they all jumped out of the way of Storm’s and Halligan’s attacks. Before long, Rampage, with Weedle still on top of his head, and their clones had jumped around the field so much that no one knew where the real ones where among the clones.

    “That was a nice counter you’ve made there, Roger. However, we got our own tricks in our sleeves”, Johnny said with confidence. “Storm, use Aerial Ace!”

    Immediately, the Spearow began to fly with an increased speed towards the nearest Rampage and Weedle, who exploded into a cloud of smoke upon contact with Storm. But that didn’t deter him, as Storm instead continued to attack all of the clones, who each disappeared in a cloud of smoke, one by one, when being hit by the Aerial Ace.

    Roger began to realize that he was actually going to be in trouble if this kept up. But as saw the remaining four clones and the real Rampage and Weedle keeping an eye on Storm, who kept attacking them, he got an idea he thought might actually work.

    “Weedle, and I do mean all of you, use Poison Sting on Storm!”, Roger shouted.

    “What? Is that even possible?!”, exclaimed Johnny, who soon got his answer. Every single Weedle and Rampage turned towards Storm, immediately followed by purple syringe-like needles being fired from each Weedle’s horns towards their target.

    “Seems like it did work, Johnny”, said Roger with a satisfied smile. “Now let me ask you a question: which of the Poison Stings are the real one?”

    After Roger had asked that question, he could see on Johnny’s surprised face that he knew what he meant. While many of the Poison Stings came from the clones, the real ones from the real Weedle were also among them. That left Johnny with no choice but to command Storm to dodge the massive barrage of needles, despite the majority being fakes. Eventually, however, it proved to be futile as Storm got hit in the end by the real needles, forcing it down on the ground and recover. To Roger’s wonder, however, Johnny didn’t seem to be too alarmed by it.

    “OK, Halligan. Attack the real Rampage and Weedle with Rapid Spin to my far right!”, Johnny shouted to his Pokémon, which surprised Roger.

    “Wait what?! How are you going to hit the real Rampage and Weedle without hitting their clones?”, Roger asked in shock and surprise.

    “It’s simple, really. When Storm got hit by the real Poison Sting, I learned where the real ones were among the clones!”, said Johnny with a confident smile. Indeed, Halligan retreated into his shell, firefighter helmet included, and started to spin in rapid speed and fly towards the real Rampage and Weedle.

    “Block the attack, Rampage!”, Roger quickly shouted to the pig monkey Pokémon, who, as soon as Halligan got close enough, grabbed the spinning shell with both arms. That also caused Rampage to lose his concentration of maintaining the remaining clones and thus, they disappeared in clouds of smoke. However, even though Halligan kept spinning in Rampage’s hands, he didn’t let go no matter what, clearly showing that he had learned from the same experience with Blue’s Poseidon.

    But just when Roger thought he could relax, he noticed that Storm had recovered from the Poison Sting and started to fly at full speed towards Rampage and Weedle.

    “String Shot against Storm, Weedle!”, Roger shouted out of reflex. And before anyone could realize it, Weedle hit Storm with sticky web that effectively stopped it from flying on the spot and caused him to fall back down to the ground, immediately followed by Rampage tossing Halligan towards the same direction as Storm.

    Though the tiny turtle Pokémon was able to land safely, Storm on the other hand was stuck on the ground and couldn’t move thanks to Weedle’s sticky web and had to be helped free by Halligan. It was doing this little break that Roger realized that even though this was supposed to be a practice battle, both he, Johnny and their Pokémon were giving their all and were actually enjoying it to the fullest.

    But just as they were getting ready to continue the battle, something happened to Weedle Roger hadn’t seen before. It jumped down from Rampage and started to glow in a white light and morphed into a completely different form. When the light disappeared, the Pokémon no longer resembled a horned larva it once was but instead, had become a yellow cocoon with a dome-shaped head and black, triangular eyes.

    “Did… did Weedle just evolve?”, Roger wondered in surprise. He had heard about evolution before from school and from Tommy, but this was the first time he had seen the phenomenon firsthand. Even Johnny looked surprised by this sudden turn of events.

    There’s no doubt about it. Weedle did indeed evolve into a Kakuna”, Don confirmed with a smile. “I know that because I once went through an evolution as well.

    “I see”, said Roger with possibly the largest smile he had ever made.

    “Roger that was amazing! That was the first time I’ve ever seen an evolution with my own eyes!”, Johnny shouted to Roger.

    “Yeah, this is my first time as well, Johnny!”, Roger shouted back.

    “Congratulations Roger and Kakuna, for the evolution. And also good work with your training, all of you”, Roger heard the familiar voice of Rose say to them while approaching. Everyone turned towards the direction of where the voice came from and saw both Rose and Leaf approaching them.

    “Thanks. We worked hard for our upcoming gym battle, after all”, said Roger while he went over to pick up Kakuna, while Rampage jumped onto his shoulder. Meanwhile, Johnny’s Pokémon also joined their trainer and were being praised for giving their all. “Were you two watching the battle, by the way?”

    “Only the last half of it”, answered Leaf. “Anyway, by the looks of things, you look more than ready”, noted Leaf.

    “We sure are! With all that training, we can practically not lose against Brock!”, proclaimed Johnny.

    “But that just leaves one problem here: namely Equality, right?”, Rose pointed out, which took both Roger and Johnny by surprise.

    “Wait, so you now know about Equality, Rose?”, asked Roger with a grim look on his face, fearing what she might’ve found out.

    “Yes, I do. After hearing about it the first time from Duncan, I decided to investigate about it while you guys were training. And what I found out was… disturbing… “, said Rose before pausing.

    “I joined her as well, as I also wanted to know about Equality and what they were doing”, said Leaf with a somewhat grim look on her face.

    “But we want to confirm something with you two. Has Equality done something to you so far because you ‘broke’ a rule or two?”, asked Rose with a serious tone.

    Roger began to feel a bit uncomfortable about where the subject was heading. He briefly looked at Johnny, who also seemed uncomfortable about it, before looking back at the girls. However, seeing that the girls now already knew so much, and knowing that Rose won’t quit trying to get answers; Roger took a deep breath before he started talking.

    ***
    SIX DAYS EARLIER…


    “… So you didn’t tell him what I told you to say?”, Tommy asked with an annoyed tone through Duncan’s cellphone.

    “I only told your little brother what I found to be necessary at that moment”, said Duncan to the cellphone. He had contacted Tommy, just as he had promised, after meeting with Roger and his friends and explained things to him. However, he was anything but happy to hear what had happened.

    “Yet you didn’t tell Roger that he shouldn’t do anything reckless regarding Equality!”, Tommy angrily stated. “Even though he lost his battle with Brock, he still tried to defy Equality’s orders. If he went on and actually won the battle, he would be in a world of trouble!”

    “Tommy, for crying out loud, you should have more faith in your little brother. After all, he ain’t that little helpless kid you told me that nearly drowned several years ago”, said Duncan with a calm voice while shaking his head. “I haven’t met Roger until today, but I do know that you yourself have told me that you have been acting overprotective over him since then.”

    There was a long pause in their conversation following what Duncan had said; only the sound of people walking past him on the street could be heard. He assumed that Tommy was currently thinking what they had talked about, but he didn’t wait for a response before he continued talking.

    “Or is it because you’re not comfortable about revealing the position you’re in? That if you try to keep him from trouble, you don’t have to tell him the truth?”, Duncan bluntly asked.
    Revolutionaryverse


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    ONE-shot: Forced into Retirement

  7. #37
    The Ace of Aces Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 8: Challenging the Gym, Part 2: The training)

    All right, glad to see this fic back on the road. It was an interesting training chapter, I'm honestly intrigued in regards to the gym killer, I think she might be Don's previous trainer, part of me thinks so anyways. This chapter also gave Johnny and Roger a lot of growth as trainers while also showed a lot more in regards to all the mysteries in the background. I'm curious to see what's gonna happen with Roger if he is able to beat Brock while also breaking Equality's orders. Other than that I think that maybe you should focus a bit more on Rose and Leaf, I just wanna see their characters grow and develop more.

  8. #38
    Because I like Tophats Tophat Dragoneye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 8: Challenging the Gym, Part 2: The training)

    Quote Originally Posted by Flaze View Post
    All right, glad to see this fic back on the road. It was an interesting training chapter, I'm honestly intrigued in regards to the gym killer, I think she might be Don's previous trainer, part of me thinks so anyways. This chapter also gave Johnny and Roger a lot of growth as trainers while also showed a lot more in regards to all the mysteries in the background. I'm curious to see what's gonna happen with Roger if he is able to beat Brock while also breaking Equality's orders. Other than that I think that maybe you should focus a bit more on Rose and Leaf, I just wanna see their characters grow and develop more.
    Don't worry, I plan to that both Rose and Leaf get some development in the near future. Don't expect that in the next chapter though, as it will be the gym rematch that will have the focus there.
    Revolutionaryverse


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    ONE-shot: Forced into Retirement

  9. #39
    Your mind is a world AetherX's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 8: Challenging the Gym, Part 2: The training)

    I really liked both of the last two chapters. You have a much deeper plot than I originally thought, a lot of planning clearly went into this.

    The gym battle was okay. I realize the point wasn't exactly to make it exciting, instead to demonstrate Equality once more, which is okay. I'm very intrigued by this Gym Killer character, as she adds a whole other layer to this story. We now have so many different points of view, I'm quite excited to see how the story plays out. What alliances and rivalries will be made and broken between Roger and Co, the Gym Killer, the Rockets, and Equality? I'm with Flaze on wanting to know why so many people put up with this Equality shit, let's be honest. What's the point of even battling if the outcome is predetermined?

    So yeah, your plot and characters are good (though be careful with balancing a crew of more than three, it can get tricky, don't leave anyone out!), but for your writing I have a bit of advice. Hold yourself to a much higher standard when proofreading. So much of your writing is good, but none of it yet has been really great. Don't settle! Here are my two biggest tips for proofreading:

    Read your dialogue out loud, perhaps even trying to emulate the voice/accent of the character. Make sure your dialogue all sounds natural.

    Try to envision each scene using ONLY the description that you have written, and don't fill in the blanks with your original ideas. Then see if what you're describing is acceptably close to what you want readers to "see".

    Also, punctuation pro-tip: All punctuation goes inside the quotation marks for speech. If you've ended with a question mark, don't use a comma.

    Anyway, I still really like this story. Well deserving of Best Journey!

    Review Extravaganza 10/50

  10. #40
    Because I like Tophats Tophat Dragoneye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 8: Challenging the Gym, Part 2: The training)

    Quote Originally Posted by AetherX View Post
    I really liked both of the last two chapters. You have a much deeper plot than I originally thought, a lot of planning clearly went into this.

    The gym battle was okay. I realize the point wasn't exactly to make it exciting, instead to demonstrate Equality once more, which is okay. I'm very intrigued by this Gym Killer character, as she adds a whole other layer to this story. We now have so many different points of view, I'm quite excited to see how the story plays out. What alliances and rivalries will be made and broken between Roger and Co, the Gym Killer, the Rockets, and Equality? I'm with Flaze on wanting to know why so many people put up with this Equality shit, let's be honest. What's the point of even battling if the outcome is predetermined?

    So yeah, your plot and characters are good (though be careful with balancing a crew of more than three, it can get tricky, don't leave anyone out!), but for your writing I have a bit of advice. Hold yourself to a much higher standard when proofreading. So much of your writing is good, but none of it yet has been really great. Don't settle! Here are my two biggest tips for proofreading:

    Read your dialogue out loud, perhaps even trying to emulate the voice/accent of the character. Make sure your dialogue all sounds natural.

    Try to envision each scene using ONLY the description that you have written, and don't fill in the blanks with your original ideas. Then see if what you're describing is acceptably close to what you want readers to "see".

    Also, punctuation pro-tip: All punctuation goes inside the quotation marks for speech. If you've ended with a question mark, don't use a comma.

    Anyway, I still really like this story. Well deserving of Best Journey!

    Review Extravaganza 10/50
    Many thanks for the review, AetherX, much appreciated with your advices. And I think I can answer why people put up with Equality. Remember back to the third and fourth chapter? No one dared to oppose Blue, who's an Administrator of Equality, except for Roger, simply because they're afraid of what he'll do to them. It's kinda like an evil regime who uses oppression to keep its people in check. And so far, it's working.
    Revolutionaryverse


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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 8: Challenging the Gym, Part 2: The training)

    @some colour no doubt;, @Flaze;

    Here it is, the final chapter of the Pewter city arc. I hope you'll enjoy reading rematch between Roger and Brock and the conclusion of the chapter (no more hints from me ).

    Chapter 10: Challenging the gym, Part 3: The rematch

    If there was one thing Roger never liked to do, it was to make Rose worry. And now, after explaining her and Leaf everything he knew about Equality, he had managed to do so. Whenever any information he knew matched what they’ve learned, both girls would look at each other with grim looks on their faces, especially Rose. And even if her face didn’t reveal anything when he and Johnny told the girls something they didn’t already know; Roger could clearly see in her eyes that she was affected by what she heard.

    Another thing he noticed about her was that she was uncharacteristically quiet afterwards for the rest of the day. Even when everyone talked while eating pizza later that evening, she rarely took part in the conversations. He tried to ask what was wrong a couple of times, but he didn’t get any answer. Roger already had a feeling what it was, but felt he needed to get his suspicions confirmed. When it was time to go to sleep in their tents, Roger decided it was now or never to get an answer.

    “Rose, do you have a minute?” he asked her before she went into her tent with Leaf.

    “Can it wait until tomorrow? I’m a bit tired”, asked Rose while yawning.

    “Not really, I want to get this over with”, Roger stated with a firm voice, which seemed to surprise Rose. Finally, she agreed to talk with him and told Leaf she would be back soon. They quickly found a nearby bench that was illuminated by a streetlight and sat down on it.

    “So what do want to talk with me about?” asked Rose as soon as she sat down.

    “After me and Johnny explained everything we knew about Equality, you’ve been quiet and distant all day. You didn’t even answer my question of what was wrong. There’s no doubt that something’s bothering you Rose, but I can only guess what it is if you don’t tell me. One thing’s for certain: it’s about Equality, right?” said Roger to Rose, who didn’t react at first; instead, she remained silent and looked at Roger with a slightly tired look. Eventually, though, she looked away and sighed.

    “You’re right, Roger. I am bothered about Equality”, admitted Rose. She sounded like it was very hard for her to admit it.

    “If it’s about what’s going to happen to me and Johnny, don’t worry. We’re already prepared for that scenario”, Roger tried to assure Rose.

    “It’s not about you two, Roger. It’s about my dad”, said Rose, which took Roger by surprise. “If Equality really is in so much control, then they’re most likely also in control of the Pokémon League Association in Kanto. This means that my dad, who works for the League Association, must also know about Equality.”

    “I never realized that with your dad, Rose. But it does make sense now that you say it”, admitted Roger. He then realized that he had completely forgotten about Tommy up until now. “I just remembered your dad isn’t the only one who most likely knows about Equality. Of all people, Tommy should know with guarantee about Equality, considering his position.”

    Rose was visibly shocked by that fact; she tried to say something, but the words didn’t come out of her mouth and she quickly gave up. Instead, she looked away from Roger and placed her hands on her face in disbelief.

    “Is… is it really true that Tommy is somehow involved in this?” Rose asked with some hesitation.

    “I honestly don’t know, Rose”, stated Roger while shaking his head. “I just know that he hasn’t revealed anything to me.”

    “Equality… who are they to have so much influence everywhere an on everyone?” asked Rose with some composure.

    “Well, an organization that practically everyone is somewhat afraid off”, Roger grimly noted. “But I’m not, not after seeing how one of them was willing to do just to keep ‘law and order.’”

    “Just be careful, Roger. There’s no telling what they’ll pull on you and Johnny”, Rose warned her friend.

    “Don’t worry, we will”, Roger assured Rose before standing up from the bench. However, Rose stopped him by grabbing his hand.

    “Wait Roger, there’s something else I want to say”, Rose said to him. “You see, when me and Leaf looked into Equality, we found out that some trainers had their Pokémon forcefully taken from them by Equality. And that got me into thinking.”

    Thinking about what, Rose?” Roger asked, now being somewhat nervous about where the conversation went to.

    “That Don might be one such Pokémon who got taken away from his trainer.”

    ***

    The next day, Roger couldn’t help but look at Don with curiosity, as they and Rose walked towards the gym for the rematch, where Johnny was already there alongside Leaf for his battle. What Rose had told him last night bothered him. Was Don really a Pokémon who got taken away from his Pokémon trainer, from Emily?

    Pull yourself together, Roger! You need to focus on your gym battle! Roger thought to himself while shaking his head.

    Something’s wrong, Roger?” Don suddenly asked him.

    “No, nothing’s wrong. I’m just a bit nervous”, Roger lied to him. He didn’t know what to say to Don at the moment, so he instead opted to lie about it.

    If you say so…” said Don while looking skeptical. Rose also briefly looked at him, no doubt knowing what bothered Roger. Despite that, no one said anything until they reached the Pewter Gym.

    Already from the outside, they could see that repairs had been done. The doors had been put back in place and there weren’t a massive hole on the side of the building anymore; instead, it was now patched together with concrete. Inside, they saw that the spectator seats unfortunately hadn’t been fully repaired yet. While the smashed seats were now gone, they hadn’t been replaced yet however, and there were still signs of the destruction that happened a week ago, such as large chunks of concrete missing.

    However, what caught everyone’s attention was Johnny’s battle with Brock, which seemed to be in a critical phase. As they took their seats in the spectator’s area next to Leaf, they could see that it was currently Halligan who was fighting against Brock’s Geodude, who seemed to have made a full recovery.

    “How has Johnny’s battle been going so far, Leaf?” Rose asked her friend as she and Roger sat down.

    “So far, Johnny managed to defeat Brock’s Rhyhorn, but Storm got knocked out in the process”, Leaf explained to them.

    “What about the outcome? Has it been decided?” asked Roger with worry, referring to Equality.

    “I don’t know”, said Leaf while shaking her head. “What I do know is that Johnny smiled just before the battle began, so I assume that something good happened.”

    But what good? Roger asked himself as he observed the battle. Whatever it was, he noticed something in the fight between Geodude and Halligan: they were both fighting at their full strength.

    “Use Water Gun, Halligan!” Johnny shouted to Halligan.

    “Block it with Protect!” Brock shouted in response and Geodude immediately created a spherical barrier around itself, blocking the water that Halligan sprayed from his mouth.

    “Don’t give up yet, Halligan. Keep using Water Gun!” Johnny told his Pokémon. Halligan did as told, continually using Water Gun in an effort to break Geodude’s Protect. Despite that, however, it was clear that it was struggling to maintain the attack. However, Geodude also looked exhausted from maintaining Protect.

    I don’t think that this battle is going to last for much longer”, noted Don.

    “What makes you think that?” Roger asked without averting his gaze from the battle.

    I’m basing it by experience. Protect is designed repel attacks that last for a moment, not against attacks that last much longer”, Don explained to Roger while still looking at the battle. “However, I don’t think Halligan can maintain the attack much longer either.

    Roger couldn’t help but agree. Halligan definitely looked like it was struggling with maintaining the Water Gun attack. What’s more, he could see that it was already starting to weaken a little bit.

    The question that remains, is what will break first”, noted Don. “Either way, this battle will most likely end soon.

    What Don said made Roger nervous. Johnny had worked really hard for this gym battle, yet he was now at risk of losing it. However, just as he got more worried, he noticed that cracks began to form on Geodude’s barrier.

    “Go for full power now, Halligan!” Johnny suddenly shouted. As Halligan’s Water Gun suddenly increased in strength, Roger realized that Johnny must’ve seen the cracks on the barrier as well. The cracks got bigger and bigger, until the barrier finally got destroyed and sent the Geodude flying into a rock pillar.

    “Finish him off with Ice Punch!” Johnny shouted with an outstretched arm, which Halligan complied to by running towards Geodude at full speed. And when he got just in front on him, he gave the Geodude an uppercut with an ice-cold punch that not only froze its chin, but also sent it flying into the air before falling back down.

    The moment Geodude crashed back down to the ground, a large plume of dust formed from the impact. Everyone went quiet in anticipation. If Geodude was knocked out, Johnny would win the battle. But if it was still conscious, the battle would continue. And judging by how exhausted Halligan looked like, a prolonged battle would be bad for him and Johnny.

    When the dust finally settled, Geodude lied unconscious, his chin still frozen, and was clearly unable to battle. Roger sighed in relief, as Johnny shouted up in both joy and disbelief and ran towards Halligan and hugged him. In the meantime, Brock recalled Geodude back into its pokéball before walking towards the young trainer with, something that surprised Roger a little, a smile.

    “You did well in this battle, John McCoy, especially considering none of us had to hold back”, Brock praised the boy while picking something out of his pocket. “And as you have defeated me, you have earned the rights of the Boulder Badge.”

    Brock then handed over to Johnny the said badge, whose eyes beamed in joy at his newly acquired badge. Meanwhile, Roger, Rose and Leaf applauded him for winning the battle and the badge. He was happy that Johnny had won, but he was still curious about what Leaf had told him. Why had Johnny smiled and was it even possible that an order from Equality could form something good? As he thought about it, he noticed that Brock was looking at him with a rather serious look.

    “Seems like you’re ready for a rematch, Roger”, noted Brock.

    “Can’t get much more ready than this”, Roger answered back. He couldn’t help but notice the tense atmosphere between them.

    “Alright then, I should be ready in a half an hour if you don’t mind waiting. I need to find and prepare some Pokémon for battle”, stated Brock, to which Roger simply nodded in agreement. Afterwards, he walked towards through the door on the opposite side of where the entrance was.

    ***

    “So that’s how the Boulder Badge looks like. But it doesn’t look very… impressive”, Rose tried to say it in a nice way, while she and everyone else looked at Johnny’s newly acquired badge. While it looked like a simple a gray, octagon-shaped badge, Roger noticed while holding it that it was made of pure granite and was very well-polished.

    “It may not look impressive, but for Pokémon trainers like me and Johnny, it’s a big thing for us”, stated Roger as he returned the badge.

    “Roger’s right, you know. It’s a big achievement to gain a badge, especially the very first one”, Johnny explained with a smile that went from ear to ear. “At any rate, I’m just happy that I was lucky that we didn’t get any order for this battle.”

    “Wait, what? You didn’t get an order?” Roger asked in surprise.

    “No, we didn’t. Instead, the Pokédex said that we were allowed to battle as we liked to”, explained Johnny with a tone of disbelief.

    This was the first time he ever heard that Equality was willing to grant freedom in a battle. Up until now, he had thought they didn’t allow that at all, with strong evidence to support that fact. But after hearing that they were willing to make compromises, Roger couldn’t help but hope that they were willing to do that with his rematch with Brock. But he also knew he had to be realistic.

    “So Roger, what are you planning for your battle against Brock? Even though both of your Pokémon have become stronger, your Kakuna still has a type disadvantage”, Leaf asked Roger.

    “I have faith in both of them, Leaf. I’m certain we’ll figure out something”, Roger stated to Leaf, though his internal monologue couldn’t help but agree with her. Kakuna did indeed have a disadvantage against Brock’s rock-type Pokémon, but fortunately, Rampage did not. If he could at least beat the first Pokémon and severely weaken the second, he might stand a chance.

    They continued to talk for a while, about how Storm, Johnny’s Spearow, had managed to make a draw with Brock’s Rhyhorn, an otherwise powerful Pokémon for flying types to face, to what they should do after Roger’s battle. Soon however, Don poked at Roger, catching his attention.

    Hey Roger, I think it’s time”, Don said while towards the field. Sure enough, Brock stood on his end of the field and looked ready.

    “Well, this is it. Wish me luck”, said Roger as he stood up from his seat and started walking towards the field.

    Don’t forget me, Roger”, Don said and started following Roger, much to his surprise.

    “Why are you following me, Don?” Roger whispered to him.

    I just want the best spot to watch the battle”, Don answered back, though that didn’t ease Roger’s confusion. And as he looked back to his friends, he could see that they looked just as confused as he was. Seeing that their looks asked what was going on, Roger raised his shoulders to signal to them that he didn’t know what was going on either.

    “Suit yourself I guess”, said Roger as he and Don took their position on the opposite side of where Brock stood.

    “Remember Roger, just like last time, this will be a two-versus-two battle. Now then, are you ready?” Brock shouted to Roger.

    “Ready as ever”, Roger shouted back.

    “POKÉMON BATTLE CONFIRMED. CLASSIFICATION: GYM BATTLE. DETERMING THE MOST OPTIMAL OUTCOME, PLEASE WAIT…” Roger heard his Pokédex say as he pulled it out of his pocket.

    “Cross your claws for something good, Don”, said Roger, while he himself crossed his fingers.

    “OPTIMAL BATTLE CALCULATED. BROCK, GYM LEADER OF PEWTER CITY, WINS THE BATTLE WITH NO LOSSES” the Pokédex said, causing Roger to frown in irritation.

    “It’s the same bloody result as the last time”, noted Roger with irritation as he returned the Pokédex to his pocket. He saw that Brock had done so as well, yet he didn’t look too happy. But before he could wonder why, Brock threw into the field a Pokéball that released an all too familiar face.

    “I guess it is somewhat appropriate for Rampage to face him again in this rematch”, noted Roger as he looked up to the fully recovered Onix that sealed his defeat a week ago. He then took a Pokéball from his belt and threw it into the field, releasing Rampage from it.

    And as soon as Rampage landed, his stare towards the Onix was very intense, making it quite clear he was eager for payback.

    “Alright Rampage; I know you’re all fired up, but we need to stay focused if we want to win”, Roger explained to the pig monkey Pokémon, who reluctantly agreed.

    “Seems like you’ll do things a bit different today, though I guess some things will be the same as last time”, Roger heard Brock say to him through the Pokédex in his pocket; Roger had an idea what he meant with ‘some things being the same as last time’, but he didn’t care. He was here to win a badge.

    “Begin with a full power Tackle, Onix!” Brock shouted to his Pokémon, who immediately started to lower to its head at high speed towards Rampage.

    “Dodge with Double Team!” Roger quickly shouted. Rampage immediately produced multiple clones of itself, and they helped the real one escape by throwing him out of the way just in time before the clones got crushed by the attack.

    What’s more, the impact from the Tackle was so powerful that it shattered the ground around it and even caused the gym shake violently. Both Roger and Don struggled to maintain their balance, while the girls and Johnny screamed in terror until the tremor stopped.

    As Roger regained his composure, he realized how much Brock was willing to do to prevent him from winning just like last time. And that terrified him.

    “You okay, Don?” Roger asked Don while still trying to realize what just happened.

    More or less”, said Don with a tone of shock and surprise. “But what about fur ball?

    Roger looked over and was relieved to see that Rampage was alright, albeit a little shaken. However, all of his clones were now gone after Onix’ all too powerful Tackle. Nevertheless, they fulfilled their purpose of helping Rampage surviving the attack. What’s more, Brock tried to finish the battle once and for all so quickly but failed. And that in itself was a victory for Roger.

    “Alright Rampage, time to make a counterattack. Use Mega Kick while Onix is still recovering!” Roger shouted to Rampage, who complied with eagerness. His right leg started to glow metallic blue before running at high towards Onix, whose head was still embedded into the ground.

    “Onix, pull your head up!” Brock shouted to his Pokémon, but it was too late. Rampage’s right leg managed to hit Onix on its head, sending it sideways flying and roaring in pain. “Calm down, Onix! Use Bind to catch and trap his Mankey!”

    Before Roger or Rampage could react, Onix recovered and wrapped its long body around the monkey and started to squeeze him very hard, causing him great pain.

    “Get out of there, Rampage!” Roger shouted to Rampage, but try as he might, Rampage could not squeeze himself out of this bind and his attacks didn’t work either. Worse, he got more hurt the longer he was in Onix’ stone grip.

    Roger knew he needed to think of something, otherwise Rampage would be knocked out and be incapable of battling further. But what could he think off? Rampage was stuck with no offensive moves working at all. The only other moves he had that weren’t offensive were Double Team and…

    “That’s it!” Roger blurted out loud. He had just thought of something that could give them a massive comeback. “Rampage, calm down and use Focus Energy!”

    At first, Rampage looked surprised by his trainer’s orders, but eventually complied. He stopped struggling to get free and instead closed his eyes. Soon enough, he was enveloped by an orange aura. Even though Onix continued to squeeze Rampage, he no longer reacted by it. It was as if the aura was protecting him from harm. Finally, after what felt like several minutes, the aura subsided and Rampage opened his eyes; Roger knew that was the sign he had been waiting for.

    “Full power Karate Chop, Rampage!” Roger shouted to Rampage, who immediately chopped his free arm down with full power on Onix’ body. Onix roared in pain from the attack, much more than when it got hit by his by Mega Kick, and continued to do so when Rampage repeated his attacks.

    After about seven Karate Chops, Onix finally loosened its grip, releasing Rampage, before its massive body collapsed to the ground, briefly shaking it, followed by the cheers coming from his friends in the spectator area. As he observed the now unconscious colossus, Roger couldn’t help but smile. He and Rampage had beaten the very Pokémon who sealed their defeat last time. Their victory was further sealed when Brock recalled his Pokémon back into its Pokéball. However, Roger noticed that Rampage was exhausted and hurt, making him worried whether or not he could continue the battle.

    “I admit, you did well defeating my Onix, Roger. Very few beginning trainers are able to do that”, Brock complimented Roger through the Pokédex, yet he wasn’t certain if he should see it as such. “However, that ends here. You have managed to defy Equality’s orders and will no doubt face punishment as a result. However, to save time, I will do that myself here and now!”

    And with that, Brock threw a new Pokéball into the field, releasing a new Pokémon. Similar to Geodude, this Pokémon was a living boulder, only much larger. And unlike Geodude, it had legs, albeit small ones, four arms, with two of them smaller than the others, each having a three-fingered hand. Lastly, it had a notable rocky crest above its small eyes.

    You should switch out fur ball with me, Roger. He won’t stand a chance against that Graveler being so exhausted and injured”, said Don in a uncharacteristic serious tone.

    “Wait what? Was this your plan all along, Don?” said Roger with surprise.

    Only if there wasn’t any other options. And considering the situation, do you really have a choice?” stated Don with a calm tone. When Roger thought about it, Don really was the only option here. With Rampage being this hurt and exhausted, he could not fight any more. And Kakuna wouldn’t stand a chance either…

    “Alright, I admit you are correct. But what made you change your mind just like that?” Roger asked Don.

    Because Emily would’ve told me to help you”, Don quickly said, almost as if he was embarrassed about it.

    Now Roger understood why Don had helped him and Johnny with training for a week. He was doing it because this Emily would’ve done it. And he realized it must’ve taken quite a bit for him to take back his earlier vow just like that. And he respected him for that.

    “OK, Don. It’s up to you now”, Roger accepted Don’s help before recalling the exhausted Rampage. Immediately afterwards, Don ran into the field and prepared himself for battle.

    “Roger, are you sure about this?” Rose shouted to Roger from the spectator area after seeing Don running into the field.

    “Don has his reasons, don’t worry about it!” Roger shouted back to her, before turning his attention to Don. “You ready to rock, Don?”

    More than ever!” Don shouted back.

    “Seems like you’re ready to face defeat, Roger. Graveler, use Rollout!” Brock shouted. Graveler folded its arms close to its body and started rolling at a threatening speed towards Don. While Roger may not have known every move Don had in his arsenal, he at least knew a couple of them.

    “Block it with Protect!” shouted Roger in response.

    Roger that, Roger! ” Don shouted back before creating a spherical barrier around him that blocked Graveler’s attack, though it kept rolling on the spot.

    And stop using my name for a pun! Roger thought to himself in annoyance before getting back to the situation at hand. While Protect was nice and all, he still needed to figure out what sort of moves Don could do. Then he got an idea and pulled out his Pokédex and pointed it towards Don.

    “Say, can you tell me what moves Don here can do?” Roger asked the Pokédex.

    “OF COURSE, SIR. PLEASE WAIT A MOMENT…” the Pokédex said before it literally started talking again a second later. “SCANNING COMPLETE. DON THE CHARMELEON HAS THE FOLLOWING MOVES AVAILABLE: FLAMETHROWER, FIRE PUNCH, FIRE SPIN, SMOKESCREEN, SWORD DANCE, PROTECT, DIG, COUNTER, METAL CLAW, IRON TAIL, SLASH, DRAGON RAGE, DOUBLE TEAM, SUBSTITUTE AND ROCK SMASH.”

    “Wow, he sure has an arsenal of moves”, noted Roger before placing the Pokédex back into his pocket and returning his focus to the battle, where Don was still blocking Graveler’s Rollout with his Protect. “Cancel your Protect and jump out of the way, Don! We need to start counterattacking”, Roger shouted to Don, who did as told, cancelling the barrier and jumping out of the way just in time.

    “Stop using Rollout and instead use Rock Blast instead!” Brock shouted to his Graveler, who immediately stopped rolling and started to form small rocks between two of its hands out of thin air before firing them towards Don.

    “Counter with Rock Smash, Don!” Roger quickly shouted to Don.

    Not a problem!” said Don before smashing every rock fired towards him to bits with his open claws.

    “Rollout again!” Brock shouted when that didn’t work, followed by Graveler rolling towards Don once more.

    Protect isn’t ready yet after its last use, so we’ll have to do something different here, Roger thought to himself before giving a command to Don. “Can you use Metal Claw and Graveler’s momentum to throw him up into the air, and then attack with Iron Tail, Don?”

    That’s a tall order, even for me! But I’ll see what I can do”, said Don as his claws gained a more metallic appearance. As soon as Graveler was close enough, Don slammed his now metallic claws into the still-rolling Pokémon, sending sparks flying into the air. Soon enough, Don managed to throw Graveler into the air in the exact same way Roger explained, immediately followed by Don himself jumping into the air and slamming his now metallic tail into his opponent and back down to the ground.

    Gotta hand it to you Roger, that was a nice counterattack you thought off”, Don complimented Roger as he landed back on the ground.

    “I aim to please, Don”, said Roger with a wry smile, though that quickly disappeared as he saw Graveler getting back onto its feet. By now, both Brock and his Graveler looked visibly frustrated of their failed attempts of attacking and defeating Don. And Roger knew something big was about to come. And based on Don’s gaze, he knew that as well.

    “Use Magnitude to finish this once and for all, Graveler!” Brock shouted his order. Almost as soon as he had said it, Graveler raised one of its arms and slammed it very hard into the ground. In what would be the third time, the gym started to shake with the most violent tremors so far.

    As Roger completely lost his balance and fell to the ground, he saw to his horror that Don, who tried to defend himself in vain, was sent flying by the shockwave both from the air and in the ground into a large rock, destroying in in the process. His screaming of Don’s name was deafened by the tremors that continued long after rubble from the now destroyed rock had buried the lizard.

    There was a long pause from everyone after the tremors finally stopped. Johnny, Rose and Leaf, who had also fallen down when the tremors began, looked with disbelief at where the rock once stood, where Don was with certainty buried in its rubble.

    Only Brock and Graveler seemed unfazed by the sight. Instead, they looked satisfied.

    “The battle has been decided, Roger”, said Brock as he stood up and brushed off dust from his clothes. “You lo-“

    Suddenly, a powerful stream of fire blasted through the rubble, hitting the surprised Graveler and sending it crashing into another large rock, destroying it in the process. Everyone went quiet in shock and surprise from the sudden turn of events. As Roger stood up and looked over to where the Flamethrower came from, he saw Don emerging from the rubble, but there was something different about him.

    He was surrounded by a fiery aura that flickered like actual flames, his eyes were glowing crimson and his tailflame had intensified in strength to the point it was as tall as Don himself.

    “Don, a-are you alright?” Roger somewhat hesitated to ask him. He wasn’t certain what was happening to Don at the moment.

    I’m fine, Roger. In fact, I feel like I’m about to explode in power!” stated Don with a hoarse voice.

    “What in the world is happening to you, Don?” Roger whispered to himself.

    “DO NOT WORRY, SIR. IT IS MERELY THE ABILITY BLAZE THAT HAS BEEN ACTIVATED”, the Pokédex in his pocket explained to him. “WHEN A POKÉMON WITH BLAZE IS INJURED, THEY MAY ACTIVATE THEIR ABILITY, INCREASING THEIR STRENGTH EXPONENTIALLY.”

    “If it can help us making a comeback, it sounds great”, said Roger with some thoughts about it. “Are you ready to start the counterattack, Don?”

    More than ever!” Don roared with all his might.

    “Then start with another Flamethrower!” shouted Roger, followed by Don breathing a massive stream of fire towards Graveler, who could do nothing but shield himself with its arms. And even then, it was clear it was in pain despite the type disadvantage while being pushed back.

    “I swear that I will not let you win just like that, Roger! Graveler, use Magnitude once more!” shouted Brock and his Graveler started to raise its fist into the air once more.

    “Not this time”, said Roger before he shouted to Don “Stop Graveler with Metal Claw, Don!”

    With pleasure!” Don shouted back before charging at incredible speed towards Graveler, who immediately tried to slam its fist down to ground. However, Don was the fastest of two, having already reached it and slammed the fist away with his now metallic claws, before proceeding to slash the living boulder multiple times.

    “Time to end this, Don! Full power Dragon Rage here and now!”, Roger shouted to Don, who released a blue fireball surrounded electricity from his mouth towards its target, sending the unfortunate Graveler flying all the way and through multiple rocks before finally stopping at the edge of the battlefield on Brock’s side, burned and unconscious.

    As Brock walked in disbelief over to his unconscious Pokémon, Roger realized that he had won the gym battle. With a huge grin on his face, he ran towards Don, who seemed a bit wobbly now that Blaze had deactivated, and exchanged a fist bump with him.

    A job well done here, eh?” said Don wryly with his usual sarcastic tone, while still struggling to maintain his balance.

    “A job well done indeed”, Roger agreed with him, before he suddenly felt something clapping him on his back.

    “Congratulations, Roger and Don”, said Rose with a smile while swinging her arm around Roger’s neck.

    “Thanks, though Don deserves most of the praises”, said Roger with a smile.

    “What are you talking about? You deserve just as much for your hard work!” stated as he and Leaf approached.

    “He’s right you know. It was your quick thinking got you, Rampage and Don through this battle”, Leaf praised Roger.

    “Ah come one, guys. You’re making me blush”, said Roger before laughing alongside everyone.

    Hey, who was it who made you two work hard for this day?” asked Don before laughing alongside everyone else. However, they all went quiet when Brock approached them after having recalled his Graveler. His face had a very serious expression as he stopped in front of them all, but relaxed a little bit afterwards.

    “In the three years that I’ve worked as a gym leader, I’ve never seen so much stubbornness and determination to win a battle like you showed me today, Roger. In fact, I would say it was one of the best performances I’ve ever seen”, stated Brock, causing Roger to slightly smile. “However, the fact is that you did not follow Equality’s order. Thus, while you may have defeated me in battle, I have not deemed you worthy of the Boulder Badge.”

    “What?! You can’t be serious!” said Roger in shock, hardly believing what he’s hearing.

    “Roger won the battle fair and square! “ Rose protested.

    “You can’t just decide he shouldn’t get the badge!” Leaf protested as well.

    “You gave me a badge after I won. So why can’t Roger get one?” Johnny pointed out while still looking shocked by Brock’s decision.

    “Because in the battle we fought, we were given reign over it, and that is a different case with my battle with Roger! My decision has been made and you cannot change it!” was the last words Brock said before turning around and walking away.

    Roger could hardly believe what had just heard Brock say to him. All of his hard work, all of the sweat, bruises and pain him and his Pokémon had endured while training for a week had come to nothing. As the realization embedded itself in his mind, his shock of what had just transpired slowly turned to anger, until he felt the urge to run over and punch Brock in the head; just so he could release that very anger on him. To his and everyone else’s surprises however, Leaf had beaten him to it, running over and blocking Brock’s path before slapping him hard on his face.

    “How dare you call yourself a gym leader, let alone a Pokémon trainer! If you had any decency in you, you wouldn’t go so low as to deny Roger a badge rightfully earned in battle!” Leaf vented out all of her anger, her eyes burning with fury.

    Roger was completely speechless from what saw. He had never thought Leaf could be so furious up until now. It was almost as if he was watching a completely different person taking out their anger on Brock. And likewise, everyone else was just as stunned to see her like that. As for Brock, Roger couldn’t see it from where he was standing, but he assumed that Brock was at least stunned from being slapped just like that, as he was standing still like a statue.

    After what felt like minutes, however, Brock moved once more towards and through the exit, not even looking back at all.

    Scumbag…” Don said what everyone thought of Brock.
    Last edited by Tophat Dragoneye; 16th June 2014 at 03:36 PM.
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  12. #42
    The Ace of Aces Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 10: Challenging the Gym, Part 3: The rematch)

    All right so I finally got to reading this. I think the chapter was pretty interesting, the battle was definitely the best one in the whole story, at least so far, plus it was nice to see Don fighting properly. There isn't much I can say besides that sadly, you had a couple of mistakes here and there, basically repeating a word or using words that weren't supposed to go there and such.

    Other than that I thought the chapter was good, I wonder how Roger will get Brock to give him his badge though.

  13. #43
    Because I like Tophats Tophat Dragoneye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 10: Challenging the Gym, Part 3: The rematch)

    Quote Originally Posted by Flaze View Post
    All right so I finally got to reading this. I think the chapter was pretty interesting, the battle was definitely the best one in the whole story, at least so far, plus it was nice to see Don fighting properly. There isn't much I can say besides that sadly, you had a couple of mistakes here and there, basically repeating a word or using words that weren't supposed to go there and such.

    Other than that I thought the chapter was good, I wonder how Roger will get Brock to give him his badge though.
    Thanks for the feedback, Flaze, I'm going to take a look at those errors and fix them soon.
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    ONE-shot: Forced into Retirement

  14. #44
    Your mind is a world AetherX's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 10: Challenging the Gym, Part 3: The rematch)

    Post-awards review here, plus some. First up, Don:

    For a Pokémon, he’s pretty deep, but he is a talking Pokémon, so a little more should be expected from him. We don’t know much about him besides his “GOTTA FIND MY TRAINER” motivations. His character is an interesting idea and is reasonably well executed. I just think that as a talking Pokémon, he should be held to a slightly higher standard. We're seeing some more layered motivations in the most recent chapter, although suddenly helping Roger felt a little sudden. I think the "it's what my trainer would have wanted" thing could have done with a bit more of a build up. Overall, I honestly quite enjoy the parts with Don. He’s the main character’s confidant, which is always a character archetype that I enjoy reading. That said I think a bit more focus in coming chapters wouldn't go awry. He got the protagonist out of the door in the first place, but I think his real contributions have been waning in recent chapters. He needs some more to his character besides finding his trainer, since that’s obviously not going to happen any time soon.

    General story review:

    I'm still iffy on Equality. It's a cool plot mechanic, and has created some interesting characters, but I'm having trouble suspending disbelief without some more exposition on how it came to be. I understand people not standing up to it as it is right now, since it has so much power and is intimidating, but how did it get that way? Why does anyone work for Equality? How did they come in to power? At some point, they had to have the support of a majority of people, and given what we know about it, I don't see why that would happen. Who would support a movement that's chief tenant is "You know what would be great? LESS FUN." Take Soviet Russia for example. Despite the fact that he was clearly a dick, people didn't resist Stalin because they were terrified of what he could do. But he came to power following a massive revolution in which he had huge support. People LOVED him. But who loved Equality? Why? Those questions are, I think, the most important ones to answer in future chapters.

    I'm glad to see Roger winning after all that training. The battle was pretty cool, and I'm interested to see what the gang does next without Roger getting a Boulder Badge.

    Worry about being so plot heavy in criticism this time. I think that every other issue I had has been brought up before. I still really like this story, and I look forward to reading more. I know I always say to proofread, but I recently finished a chapter of my own and while I was proofreading I realized just how much it helped. Read out loud, and if anything at all sounds weird or doesn't come across the right way, then change it. Take your time. And as always, keep up the good work!

  15. #45
    Hive King Athena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Flames of a Revolutionary (Chapter 10: Challenging the Gym, Part 3: The rematch)

    Post awards-review:

    To be entirely honest, I only got around to this story as deadlines were closing in as it still needed judges after I had finished my normal workload. As such, I couldn't read all of it. I read up to the chapter after Equality was introduced and then the very last one. I probably missed some important things. But here were my thoughts about Don from what I did read:

    Don (Flames of a Revolutionary)

    Depth: He has some depth, especially for a Pokemon. He goes from fatalistic snark in the beginning to a somewhat more open if impersonal character towards the middle and end, which is sadly more depth and development than some human trainers get. But he is primarily hindered by how little we know about him right now. His primary objective is known, more or less, and some of his more minor ones are elaborated upon. At some points, though, there is still not a whole lot of logic as to why he would suddenly do something (like help Roger in gym matches) that he explicitly stated he would not do earlier in the story.

    Originality: Well, I'm not sure I've seen a Pokemon used quite like him before. He's primarily a plot device to get Kieth off of Knot Island and into the path of Equality. He is also reasonably unique for being another trainer's Pokemon who doesn't just jump ship and join up with the trainer who finds him like happens a half dozen times in the anime. While disobedience is made less original by being the preevolution of Charizard, it is still an intriguing concept.

    Entertainment: It is a Pokemon capable of demonstrating sarcasm, and often solving his own problems. He isn't terribly funny and has yet to do anything crazy awesome, but it's still more entertainment than I see in most Pokemon in a fan fic. The talking part helps, but the POV parts definitely put him even higher up as he starts to gain actual thoughts beyond his plot-limited dialogue with Roger.

    Plot: He starts the plot and is Kieth's nominal reason to journey. Unfortunately for him, the journey itself kind of overshadows his role and his plotline kind of becomes secondary to the badge quest. He has a few POV segments, but it's still Kieth's story for all intents and purposes and is increasingly becoming more and more bound to its protagonist rather than the lizard on its banner.

    General:

    He's interesting and talking Pokemon are always a nice way around the usual constraints of writing Pokemon characters. Still, he kind of gets overshadowed by the other events and characters of the story the longer it goes on and he doesn't feel like a truly deep character yet even though he can talk. However, he did kickstart the events of the plot so I feel as if he deserves a little more credit than I might otherwise give.

    Constructive criticism:

    Revealing more depth and motivation is probably the best way forward now to keep Don interesting. He has a personality, and even a pretty good one for a Pokemon. But knowing more about what makes him tick and what shaped him will ultimately be what makes him a better Pokemon character. This isn't normally a burden that a Pokemon would be tasked with bearing, but since his story is tied to one of the central mysteries and objectives of the plot and he is capable of talking it is probably necessary here. While I can understand your reasons for keeping his past mysterious now, the amount of time that a mysterious companion's motivations and backstory can remain hidden without simply making him inconsistent or boring to the audience is limited.

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    I BET ARKADELPHIAK CAN'T EVEN ROCKET

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