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Thread: The Fiery Threat

  1. #16
    Game Completionist LightArrows.exe's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Fiery Threat

    Just added pics of the important characters. the last two are secret, till they will be revealed in the story. Some people will also now who it will be, cause this story is BTW a bit based on the adventure in the games and the anime.

  2. #17
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Fiery Threat

    You're getting length and more details in. This is good. But now, you need to space out your paragraphs, because some people don't like reading stories that are mashed up together hastily.

    Oshawott and Lillipup both dashed to the vines, and hitted them with their attacks. The vines slammed back and the two were pushed back.

    "Well, it doesn't really help. Well come back later." Michael said. He picked up the Pokéballs and called his Pokémon's back. When he turned around a girl suddenly walked to him.

    "The gym is specialized in the weakness of your first starter. I will give you this Pokémon." She gave a Pokéball to Michael. "Hey, look behind you!" Michael turned around but didn't see anything. When he turned back, the girl was gone.
    There are some plot holes in the story, the latest being Snivy destroying the school's floor to sprout vines. Grammar mistakes are still scattered around, but these can be worked on later. You did add some details, but you still need to add more. The battle with Cheren could have lasted much longer. Either way, keep on writing.

  3. #18
    Game Completionist LightArrows.exe's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Fiery Threat

    Ok, and BTW, concerning Snivy, his vines comes from his shoulders. I will check grammar, and a few other thing you said.

  4. #19
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Fiery Threat

    Do they? I was under the impression he brought them up from the ground. That's weird.

  5. #20
    Game Completionist LightArrows.exe's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Fiery Threat

    Lol, its showed in the anime. with Snivy, his shou;ders glow and after that two vines come from the same place.

  6. #21
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Fiery Threat

    Yes, but the Anime shouldn't really affect your writing; you can change it in any way you want.

  7. #22
    Game Completionist LightArrows.exe's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Fiery Threat

    Ok, think its still from his shoulders. :P Otherwise the vines will break out of the ground, like you said.

    EDIT: Btw, I think i'm going to make pics for this forum.
    Last edited by LightArrows.exe; 16th June 2011 at 04:18 AM.

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