Fallout Island (Chapter 4 now)

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    How do I used tense? SSJ3_Raditz's Avatar
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    Default Fallout Island (Chapter 4 now)


    Banner by Instrutilus. (thanks)

    F%$# the introductions of how I made this fic, let's get to the point.

    I don't want an unnecesarry(i think I mispelled that) intro, so all I'm gonna say is the premise of the fic. It's about a kid named Dan who becomes a Pokemon trainer in a fallout-ridden island. This fic contains Pokemon I made myself, although I have no image for them; feel free to imagine what they look like.

    Table of Contents:
    Chapter 1: Decision
    Chapter 2: The Journey Begins
    Chapter 3: A Vicious Assault
    Chapter 4: A Grassy Slugfest


    Enjoy.

    WARNING: Really long prologue.


    Prologue

    Welcome to the island of Alsi, a lush, warm land full of natural beauty and diversity located west of the Hoenn region. Because of its close proximity to the region, a lot of Hoenn pokemon make their home here, along with native ones on Alsi. It was a very beautiful land, filled with forests, rivers, mountains and other natural landmarks.

    Or at least, it used to be.

    You see, in the middle of this island is(or was) the city of Silverton, a large, crowded metropolis that is renowed for their numerous power plants across the city, to accomodate the large population of Silverton.

    ---

    "Let's see if you've learned from this lesson. Dan, what is 4 times 9?" A female teacher in a school said to a student.
    "Um, 9...18...27...36...36!" Dan replied.
    "Good. Ann, what is 7 times 6?" The teacher then asked to another student.
    "Umm, 49?" Ann replied.
    "Wrong, it's 42. Now, Gar..." The teacher said, only to be interrupted by the school bell.
    "Oh come on, I haven't finished yet. Well, anyways, kids. Remember, study your multiplication! And remember, you have a quiz tommorow! Enjoy the rest of the day off. See you tommorow!" The teacher said.
    "Yes, Ma'am!" Everyone in the class replied. They then all stood up, took their things and began to leave.

    Dan, a 10-year old boy with blond hair that wouldn't sit flat, dressed in a school uniform, left the classroom. Carrying a bag, he made his way to the exit of the school.

    ---

    In the very center of this complex of power plants is a nuclear power plant. It is famous all over the island for its exceptional technology, size, and high output of energy, capable of feeding the city of Silverton and more, including the smaller towns and villages surrounding the city. This nuclear plant led a lot of people in Alsi believe that nuclear power was the way to go. If one as big as the one in Silverton could produce enough energy for the entire island, what if the whole world uses nuclear power? It would allow massive ammounts of power to be generated.

    ---

    Dan took out a Pokeball from his school bag, and threw it into the ground. Out came a young, black puppy. This Pokemon had been Dan's for a few months, having found it in the middle of the street, alone and stray.

    "Anap! Anappy!" The Pokemon said happily as it came out. It is very affectionate to Dan, and it then jumped on his chest, wagging its tail while doing a pant-like sound.

    "Aww, thanks. Hey, wanna play catch later?" Dan said to his Pokemon.
    "Anap! Anap!" The Pokemon replied. It then got off Dan's chest. Just then, someone called them out.

    "Hey! Dan! Wait up!" A girl, also dressed in a school uniform, and having brown, medium sized hair in the distance said. She was running towards Dan.
    "Oh, if it isn't Ann! What's up?" Dan replied.
    "Oh, I was wondering if I could join you in studying for the quiz? I'm not that good in multiplying," Ann said.
    "Uhh..." Dan said, blushing.
    "Pleeeeeease?" Ann replied, trying to make a cute face.
    "Gah, alright," Dan replied, still blushing.
    "Yay!" Ann said, putting her hands in the air.

    "Anap!" Dan's Pokemon happily said, jumping onto Ann's chest this time.
    "I think he's groping you," Dan joked.
    "Hey!" Ann replied, "His name is...umm...what?"
    "Nad. Backwards for Dan. Couldn't find a better name," Dan replied with a smile.
    "Sounds cute!" Ann replied, as she then hugged Dan's arm, making Dan blush even more.
    "Anyways, what Pokemon is he? An Anappy or a Poochyena? They look very similar," Ann asked.
    "Anappies are darker than Poochyenas. Poochyenas are more, erm, grey. What, can't tell from their voice?"
    "Something like that, yeah," Ann replied.

    They began walking away from the school, with Nad following them.

    ---

    But one grim, cloudy day, for reasons unknown, the plant had a malfunction. It had a sudden power surge, which overloaded everything, and caused a lot of explosions, triggering fires all over the plant. The fires sent a plume of radioactive fallout affecting the entire island, turning a good part of the island barren and rendering all of Silverton uninhabitable.

    ---

    "How's stuff at home?" Ann asked.
    "Oh, nothing. Watching them Pokemon battles on the TV, maybe surf on the internet, stuff like that," Dan replied.
    "Pokemon battles? You like them?" Ann said.
    "Mmmhmm. It just feels awesome to watch," Dan replied.
    "Anappy!" Nad interrupted.
    "You know, I feel like I wanna be a trainer. Don't have time though. School, family stuff, y'know, stuff like that," Dan said.
    "What about summer? You'd get some free time," Ann replied.
    "Hmm, I don't know...I get enough time to become a trainer, but then I'll miss all of you; my classmates, my family, you, and...erm, stuff like that," Dan replied. Ann blushed from hearing the word "you".

    As the two walked, they passed by a PA, which was usually not used. Suddenly, it began to bellow loudly with an alarm. Everyone in the area suddenly stopped moving.

    "ANAP! ANAAAP!" Nad screamed in surprise, cowering behind Dan.
    "What the..." Dan said.

    ---

    The fires didn't start as a big one. At first, it only affected parts of the plant. However, the firefighters couldn't arrive on time, and the fire began spreading outwards, and more buildings began catching fire. The government of the city wasn't even informed of the incident until the fire had spread to a good part of the city.

    ---

    "Attention, citizens of Silverton! There has been a meltdown of the Silverton Nuclear Plant! It has caused fires which are now spreading outwards, and burning more of the city. Even if it is extinguished, the fallout released from the plant will remain! You are advised to leave the city as fast as possible!" The speaker bellowed, before returning to a loud alarm. The people in the vicnity of Dan and Ann began screaming and shouting and running.

    "What? A melting down?" Ann asked.
    "Meltdown. I don't know what it is, but it sounds bad. We have got to get home quick!" Dan said. He began running, gripping Ann's hand. Nad folllowed behind them.
    "Hey, not too fast!" Ann said.

    ---

    By the time the government of the city had been alerted of the situation, the fires had already spread. The town was becoming an inferno. The firefighters began having trouble extinguishing everything.

    ---

    "Gonna have to pass near the plant. It's the only way to get home!" Dan said as they ran.
    "But what if they won't let us pass?" Ann asked.
    "Well....hehe, that's the problem," Dan replied.
    "Anappy!" Nad interrupted as they ran.
    ---

    "La la la la la la..." A woman in a house sang. She was washing dishes in the kitchen of her house, while watching a TV placed on top of their fridge.

    "...well, recently this day has been quite cloudy and dark. You don't usually see something like this every day, Silverton usu...*bzzzt*...

    "Hmm?" The woman said, looking at the TV.

    "We interrupt this program for an important announcement! There has been a meltdown of the Silverton Nuclear Plant! It has caused fires which are now spreading outwards, and burning more of the city. Even if it is extinguished, the fallout released from the plant will remain! You are advised to leave the city as fast as possible!" The voice on the TV said, before going to static.

    "What?" The woman said. She dropped the plates she was washing, wiped her hands, and immediately went outside. In the distance, she could see several pillars of smoke rising from the ground, and fires in houses nearby.
    "Oh...my...gosh..." The woman muttered, horrified of the situation.

    ---

    "What the heck? Why is everything on fire out here!?" Dan complained as they ran through the very center of Silverton, dotted all over with office buildings, powerplants, and stuff, with the nuclear plant in the distance. A lot of them were on fire.
    "Anap!" Nad said as he looked at the inferno.
    "Ow, my heeead...Dan, I think we shouldn't have come here?" Ann moaned.
    "You serious? How the heck are we gonna get home?" Dan replied. Grasping Ann's hand tighter, they continued to run through the inferno. As they ran, stuff began falling from the burning buildings above them, including a burning power line, burning trees, and other stuff. Dan, Nad and Ann narrowly avoided the debris falling on top of them.

    ---

    The fire spread out through most of the downtown area of Silverton. In a time span of about a half-hour, the fire spread all over the city, burning a good part of it.

    It even reached part of the suburbs...

    ---

    "But Dan only comes home that way...and my husband works over there....oh no!" The woman said. She began running worriedly towards the inferno, concerned for her family.

    ---

    An alarm bellowed throughout one of the offices of downtown Silverton.
    "What the...isn't that the fire alarm?" One man said in his desk. Suddenly, smoked began inching its way towards his office space.
    "Smoke...what the heck?" The man said. He stood up, and checked the outside. He looked to his right, and saw a fire nearby. The smoke got closer to him.
    "Oh....my...gosh..." The man said as a woman in an office uniform came from the flames, who was on fire.

    "GAAAAH!" The woman wailed as she ran. Covering her face, she couldn't see where she was going, and she was headed straight for the man.
    "Hey, you crazy lady! Not over here!" The man said as he began running back, headed for a fire exit near on the other end.

    As he ran, the woman followed her, wailing and still on fire. Then, the man saw the fire exit nearby, and as he tried to open it, the woman chasing him dropped to the ground, lifeless.

    "What's going on?" The man said as he then closed his eyes to respect the now dead woman. He entered the fire exit and he began descending the building.

    "I hope Dan and Lisa are okay..." The man said as he climbed down the stairs.

    Soon enough, the man had reached the first floor. There was a door leading out to the back of the building, and the man immediately headed for the door.

    To his horror, it was locked.

    "WHO WOULD LOCK A FIRE EXIT!? WHAT THE FUCK!?" The man said in anger. There was another exit, but it led to the inside of the building, which was on fire, too. Smoke was seeping out from the bottom of the door.

    "Shit, I hope this'll work..." The man said. He immediately headed for the door, and opened it. A burst of fire suddenly came out, nearly igniting the man.
    "Ahh..." The man moaned. He got down to a crawl, and crawled the entire hallway leading to the exit. He knew that smoke least affected the ground, so he used that to his advantage to be able to survive in the fumes.

    As he crawled, he saw several rooms on fire and other stuff. Heck, some parts of the hallway the man was on were on fire already.

    After a while, he eventually arrived at the door leading out. Unluckily for him, the door was on fire.

    "AAAAAAAH! How the heck do I get out?" The man said. He began running back, forgetting to crawl on the ground to be able to breath.

    He hurriedly began searching for a door to get out. Unfortunately, all the doors he found were either too hot from the temperature or burning.

    "HOW DO I GET OUT!?" The man screamed. He was getting increasingly hopeless, as all the exits seemed to blocked. The smoke inside was getting to thick to see in, and it became harder to breath.

    "Oh please, oh please let me out!" The man cried out, coughing from the smoke. Because the smoke blinded him, he began stumbling around, hitting the walls. It was getting harder to breath inside, and after a while, it was nearly impossible to breath at all.

    Without a place to get out, he tried running back towards the fire exit. However, he was running out of air.

    "Must...get...out," The man said. He tried to get there as fast as he could, but the lack of air was weakening him. He tried to breath, but he knew that the smoke was too dangerous to inhale.

    As he got closer, his vision began to blur, and he began stumbling. His running got slower, and he was getting really tired.

    He managed to reach the door, but he had grown weak from the smoke.

    He hurriedly tried to open the door, but his strength was fading. His vision had completely blurred.

    As the last of his strength faded away, the man collapsed to the floor.

    ---

    It had been a dark day, literally. The clouds were grey, and it blocked sunlight...

    Then, a miracle happened: It began to rain. From the dim clouds that blanketed the city, drips of water began falling. The drips turned into a gentle shower, and eventually, a strong rain.

    ---

    As Dan and Ann ran through the city, the rain began to fall on them.

    "Anap! Anappy! Aaaa!" Nad said as the rain began to fall.
    "Hey, it's raining!" Ann said.
    "Really? This is....gahh!" Dan said, as he then felt a burning sensation on his arm. He then grasped it.
    "What the...what's wrong?" Ann said as they stopped. "Gah...my head...it hurts..." Ann then said. The rain grew harder.
    "My arm...it burns!" Dan said. Ann immediately took Dan's arm off his other arm and saw the burn. It was very, very red.
    "What happened here?" Ann asked worriedly. The rain grew even harder, and a frenzy of lightning began to come out from the clouds above.
    "Kids! Dan, Ann!" A woman called out to them in the distance. Dan looked at the figure in the distance. As she got close, he recognized the figure as his mother.
    "Mom! Ow..." Dan said.
    "That's your mom?" Ann asked.
    "Yeah..." Dan replied. He began running towards her mother, along with Ann.

    As his mom ran towards them, she ended up on a street.

    "Kids! We have got to get outta here qui..." Dan's mom said as a car ran over her from out of nowhere. Her body was sent flying through the air, eventually landing in a sidewalk. Dan and Ann immediately stopped.

    "No-no way..." The two said in unison.

    The car that ran over Dan's mom stopped. The driver thought of trying to help her.

    "Hey, he stopped! Why'd he do that!?" Ann said.
    "Grrr..." Dan growled, ignoring Ann. He began running towards the car, ignoring the burned skin on his arm.
    "Hey, wait!" Ann said as she followed Dan, with Nad following her.

    But the driver, panicking from the accident that occured a while ago, decided to save himself instead, and he drove away.

    "Hey, wait!" Dan shouted at the car. The driver ignored him.
    "You selfish coward!" Dan screamed as the car disappeared from sight. He then headed for his mom's body.

    ---

    The fire had took out a good chunk of the city. It had ruined most of the downtown area, and parts of the suburbs.

    However, since the fire was caused by accidents in the nuclear plant, it released a large amount of fallout, rendering all of Silverton unsafe to live in. It even affected other parts of the island.

    ---

    "Oh no..." Ann said as they got to Dan's mother, who was limp on the ground.
    "Mom!" Dan said. His limp mother was covered in blood all over, and she wasn't breathing.
    "Mom...please don't..." Dan said as tears began to flow from his face.

    ---

    And from then on, the island of Alsi was never the same again. It lost its crown jewel, the metropolis that was Silverton. Previously a symbol of the success of nuclear power, it is now a symbol of the consequences of nuclear power.

    Alsi suffered heavily from the destruction. Silverton's numerous power plants, up to and including the nuclear plant, generated a ton of jobs and money. It also became popular as a place to move in, as many people in Alsi outside of Silverton believed that getting a job in Silverton would get you rich.

    With the destruction of the city, it has lost all of its glory. Not only did the accident wipe out Silverton's numerous power plants, leading to a shortage in power, it also killed a good chuck of the island's population, as most people lived in Silverton, and a lot of jobs generated by the city were lost.

    Alsi had been reduced to a couple of small towns, villages and one remaining city in the surrounding area of Silverton. But even then, the towns were not safe. The fallout spread, and it affected several of the towns near Silverton. Some towns had part of the city affected, others were covered all over but mildly affected, while the others were evacuated completely.

    Dan, meanwhile, never really recovered from the incident. His mother did not survive. After the incident, he was evacuated in a van, along with Ann and her family.

    With his mother dead, Dan wanted to know what happened to his father. He never saw him again.

    They were evacuated to a town named Rosewood. A lot of people were evacuated there, more than any other town near Silverton. Dan also had family there, namely his uncle and his aunt.

    The very next day, there was a tent set up in the middle of the town, having a list of all missing people, some with pictures and confirmed casualties. A lot of people in the tent were survivors, asking if their loved ones survived.

    Dan, along with his friend Ann, visited the tent.

    ---

    "Aw man, my arm still burns...and where the heck is my dad...he hasn't called..." Dan said. He was worried that his father may have died too.
    "Don't worry. I'm sure he's okay," Ann said to Dan, trying to cheer him up.
    "I dunno..." Dan said. As they walked, Dan saw a picture, one which he recognized.
    He got closer to the picture and examined it more closely. Underneath the picture, there was something written on a paper:

    Matthew Webster
    Missing
    Have you seen him? If so, call these numbers:
    If in Rosewood Town, call 135
    If in Plains Village, call 247
    If in Camden Town, call 616
    If in Scorcher City, call 777
    If in Riverside Town, call 902
    If in Sting Village, call 562
    If in Rockslide Town, call 394
    And if in Goldeneye Town, call 007


    Mathew Webster was Dan's father. When Dan saw the "missing" word in bold right underneath his picture, he broke down.

    "SHIT!" Dan sweared, which got the attention of everybody. He punched the wall hard, and his emotions swelled. He had the feeling of anger and sadness at the same time, seeing as his father has been labeled missing.

    "Shh, not too loud!" Ann said to Dan.
    "Yeah, I know...it's just..." Dan said, unable to continue his sentence.
    "Just what?" Ann asked.
    "Well...arghh, I don't know," Dan said. His sadness got the better of him, and tears began to drip from his face. He tried not to cry, though. Ann, seeing this, put her arm around Dan's shoulders.

    "Hey, come on! He's probably out there, I know it!" Ann said, trying to cheer Dan up.
    "You sure? He has a cellphone, he should have called me by now," Dan replied.
    "Don't be a pessimist, maybe he lost it or it got broken or something. Don't worry!" Ann said.
    "I don't know with you," Dan replied.
    "Gah. Anyways, let's go." Ann then said.

    ---

    And so, they went home. Dan had moved to the house of his uncle and aunt, who lived in Rosewood. Ann moved right next door.

    But Dan's father never reappeared again.

    Like many people victimized by the accident at Silverton, Dan's life was changed...forever.

    ----------
    As I always say, hope it's not too bad.
    Last edited by SSJ3_Raditz; 28th July 2010 at 05:31 PM.

  2. #2
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Fallout Island

    Nice. A really cool idea.

    This is definitely something I've never seen before - a post apocalyptic Pokemon story! I'm really looking forward to seeing how this pans out!

    I'm hoping Anappy will evolve soon because something that is just like a Poochyena but a bit darker seems a little boring. And I hope the evolution isn't like Mightyena.

    Anyway, really interesting idea - I can't wait to read more from this!

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    How do I used tense? SSJ3_Raditz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fallout Island

    pumb

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    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fallout Island

    Quote Originally Posted by SSJ3_Raditz View Post
    pumb
    Fail at spelling "bump". Even backwards it's wrong.

    ...There's stuff west of the Hoenn region? I thought it was just water to the west of Kyuushuu.

    I liked how you intermingled the description of the region with the story. Definitely a creative way to start it. Either that, or it's the entire story.

    @Gastly's Mama: I'm not sure it's really apocalyptic - it's just one island that suffered a meltdown.
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

  5. #5
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Fallout Island

    Quote Originally Posted by Zekurom View Post
    @Gastly's Mama: I'm not sure it's really apocalyptic - it's just one island that suffered a meltdown.
    Well it's localised apocalyptic =P

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    is obsessed with Noivern! Zekurom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fallout Island

    Quote Originally Posted by Gastly's Mama View Post
    Well it's localised apocalyptic =P
    Guess that makes sense :/
    The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.

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    BF Author alster08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fallout Island

    I have never seen anything like this. I cant wait to read on.

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    How do I used tense? SSJ3_Raditz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fallout Island

    Thanks for the reviews everyone.

    Chapter 1 coming out maybe later this afternoon, after school. It's friday. :D

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    How do I used tense? SSJ3_Raditz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fallout Island

    Still writing chapter 1. Damn.

    @GM: Don't worry, Nad the Anappy will have evolved into something literally big and strong the next chapter.

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    Default Re: Fallout Island

    Nice. Can't wait for chapter 1 :)

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    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Fallout Island

    If you have a good storyline in mind, this will be your epic story, Rad, very well done.

    Good to hear about Anappy, can't wait for next chapter.

  12. #12
    How do I used tense? SSJ3_Raditz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fallout Island

    Here we go...got a new chapter. Perhaps as long as my prologue, but I'm now afraid of it being too long and considered a wall of text.

    This chapter is about how Dan decides to be a Pokemon trainer after some encouragement.

    Chapter 1: Decision

    It has been seven years since the incident...after that, Alsi was ruined. After the disaster, an area around the city of Silverton was isolated due to the radiation, and everyone was restricted from entering it. It was promptly named the "Isolated Zone". But even if you were outside the Isolated Zone, it was still considered dangerous; for a time, it was made into a law that all pregnant women stay in the nearby Hoenn for a while so as not to risk their children getting defects from the radiation.

    Alsi was an X-shaped island. However, because of the Isolated Zone, the middle could no longer be entered, which basically split the island into four, requiring you to take a boat if you want to get from one part of the island to the other.

    Rosewood, the town Dan is now living in, is found on the south-east end of the island. He is living a normal life, but the memories of his parents' death still haunt him. He has, however, gotten over most of it though.

    ---
    It was a late afternoon, and the sun had begin to set.

    "Yawn...this is so boring..." Dan said. He was in his aunt and uncle's house, seeing as how he doesn't have any other home to go. He wore a plain white sleeveless shirt, black pants, and a long-sleeved jacket.

    Dan saw a magazine on a coffee table in their living room.

    "'The Alsi Digest'...Hmm, ol' Unc and his magazines. Video game magazines, technology magazines, training magazines, and pornographic magazines. Anyways, maybe this'll be a good read," Dan said. He picked the magazine up, sat down on a couch, and opened it on a random page.

    It has been seven years ever since the meltdown at Silverton occured. A good chunk of the island was rendered uninhabitable, the radiation caused problems for our health, and the island's economy has gone down the drain. However, some people still hang on to this place; the place they grew up in. With their love of their home, they dedicate themselves with fixing what went wrong out here.

    Let's look back to the events leading to the incident and what happenned after.

    Now, it took a while, but two years ago, investigators in hazmat suits found what appears to be the skeleton of a Torchic. While we don't know exactly what caused the fire that released both radiation and the inferno that destroyed Silverton City, considering no one inside the plant surivived, rumors abound that someone brought their Torchic to the plant, and the excited little Pokemon accidently started a fire.

    After that, Alsi has basically become a shadow of its former self. Many people are leaving the island, our economy is going down, and the government is losing its grip. 6 years ago, an unnamed organization declared their existence to everyone to find a legendary Pokemon called Kadirox, an extremely rare Pokemon that is said to feed on pollution. Many people, including us, think Kadirox is just an old myth. After all, if it existed, it should have been thriving in our cities, fresh with the pollution they need. A lot of people call them "Team Crazy", perhaps as a reference to their impossible goal and also perhaps a parody of two other organizations from Hoenn, called Team Aqua and Team Magma respectively, who tried to release two legendary Pokemon, Kyogre and Groudon, for their goals. A lot of people said they were stupid for believing that myth until they actually appeared.

    Team Crazy, however, refuses to call themselves as such. They remain to have no name, and, according to a member who defected from Team Crazy, just call each other as "helpers" or "members". We continue to call them Team Crazy however.

    At first, they had good publicity, but scandals including trying to steal a device said to find certain Pokemon(which failed), kidnapping for said device as ransom(also failed), trying to steal a pokeball named the "Master" ball, and..."


    "Bah. I'm bored," Dan said. He threw the magazine back into the coffee table. Just then, a massive but not necessarily fat, squinty-eyed black dog-like Pokemon jumped into the couch.

    "Barrrrrrrrr," The pokemon said in an extremely low-pitched voice.
    "Oh hey there, Nad. How's my good ol' pal?" Dan said as he patted Nad's head.
    "Barrrrrr!" Nad replied.
    "Whatever you said, hope it was good. Anyways, why don't we take a walk? I'm bored," Dan then said.
    "Barr! Barrrrrr!" Nad replied happily.
    "Good. Let's go,"

    ---

    Dan's life went normally in the past seven years. He was now 17 years old. He continues to be friends with Ann, and he has grown accustomed to living in Rosewood. Nad, his only Pokemon, had evolved already. Back then, he was just very small, but now he has grown to be extremely massive and sluggish, enough for him to be able to carry Dan with no problem, and he is extremely tough.

    Rosewood was a very rural town. Few people lived in Rosewood, and the town itself is very small. It was on a hill, and it was so high up that the residents could see the skyline of Silverton, even if it looked so small from there.

    ---

    Dan was walking along the outskirts of the town. The town was small, anyways; getting outside was a walk away.

    "Ah, it's summer right now and I'll be having my last year in high school on October...time goes by so fast, doesn't it, Nad?" Dan asked.
    "Baaaaarr!" Nad responded.

    As they walked, they found themselves in a forest.

    "Nad, I think we've walked too far. Maybe we sho..." Dan said.
    "Help!" A voice in the forest interrupted.

    "What the..." Dan said to himself.
    "Gah! Help me! Anyone!?" The voice screamed.
    "Oh come on," Dan said. He began to run into the forest, with Nad trailing along. He followed the screams of help to find its source, until he found a small clearing with a young boy and a group of Mightyenas in it.
    "Help!" The boy cried out.

    ---

    Dan had been a fan of Pokemon training ever since he was a kid. In the past seven years, he had began collecting many items related to training. Pokemon League merchandise, books on Pokemon training, and etc. He had also been watching battles on TV, like the Pokemon League.

    But he had never tried becoming one himself.

    ---

    One of the Mightyenas began running towards the boy.
    "Gah! Help!" The boy said.
    "What move...Nad! Use Takedown!" Dan said to Nad. Nad obeyed and backed away, before thundering through the clearing headed for the Mightyena.

    "Ack!" The boy cried out as the Mightyena jumped at him. Just then, Nad rammed the Mightyena at the side really hard, and Nad began sliding towards a tree, and ramming the Mightyena into it, knocking it out.

    "What the..." The boy said, bewildered. The other Mightyenas, meanwhile, began growling. One of them began running towards Nad.

    "Roar!" Dan shouted out.
    "Baaar!" Nad replied, as if to say yes. Dan then turned to the boy.

    "Hey kid, might want to cover your ears," Dan said.
    "Why?" The boy asked.
    "You'll see," Dan replied. Meanwhile, the Mightyena got close to Nad and jumped at him. Then, Nad released a deafening roar, which surprised the Mightyena and made it tumble. The other Mightyenas began running away.

    "Gah! It's too loud!" The boy said covering his ears.
    "Don't worry, the Mightyena will chicken out," Dan replied while also covering his ears. Just then, the sole remaining Mightyena ran away, cowering from Nad. Soon, Nad stopped his roar.

    "Arrrhh...I've never heard anything that loud...that's quite a Barrolf you got there," The boy said as he took his hands off his ears.
    "Thanks. I call him Nad," Dan replied.
    "Baaaarr!" Nad interrupted with a less louder roar.

    Just then, a golden Mightyena jumped on Dan's back.

    "Look behind you!" The boy shouted out
    "What the..." Dan said as the Mightyena began scratching him violently and ripping his clothes apart.

    "Ow...ow! OW! OWWWW! HELP! GAH! GET IT OFF!" Dan screamed. Nad noticed this and began running towards Nad. The Mightyena, noticing this, jumped off Dan, and Nad began sliding, trying to turn around towards the Mightyena's direction.

    "Ow...my back..." Dan said as he began checking his back for any wounds. He then found that his jacket had been torn in half. He turned around to the kid.
    "Is there blood on my jacket?" Dan asked. Meanwhile, Nad and the golden Mightyena were slugging it out while Dan was checking his back.

    "Waaarggh! Waaaaaarrggggh!" The Mightyena growled.
    "Baaaaaaarrrrrr!" Nad roared in return. He then began charging towards the Mightyena, who responded by jumping into the air and on his back.

    ---

    "Yeah, there is," The boy said to Dan.
    "Oh...aw man that hurts," Dan said as he noticed the Golden Mightyena brawling with Nad.

    "What are you looki...oh," The boy said as he then noticed the golden Mightyena too.
    "That...is...AWESOME! But...I don't have a pokeball..." Dan said.
    "Are you a trainer?" The boy then said. Dan face then turned from a smile to a blank expression.
    "Are you?" The boy asked again.
    "No," Dan replied.
    "Then how come you're so good at battling? Your Pokemon sent away all those Mightyena with only one roar! You're both good!" The boy said. Dan didn't reply.

    ---

    The golden Mightyena was bouncing around Nad, trying to confuse him. Nad kept on turning around and shaking violently trying to get the Mightyena off, but the Mightyena managed to stay on. Then, Nad just decided to flip over and crush the Mightyena, but it just jumped off just as Nad flipped over, hitting itself.

    "He's getting beat up..." Nad said.
    "Are you..."
    "Nad, use Hyper Beam!" Dan said, ignoring the boy.
    "Barr?" Nad asked, confused. He hasn't used the move before.
    "Just do it!" Dan said. Nad obeyed anyways and began charging up an a ball of energy from his mouth, and fired it at the Mightyena.

    The Mightyena jumped out of the way, and the hyper beam missed.

    "Waaaaaarrrrgh!" The Mightyena growled. It began running towards Nad, who was now exhausted from performing the hyper beam.

    "This is bad," Dan said as he immediately took out Nad's pokeball and returned him to it before the golden Mightyena could attack.

    "And now is a good time to run!" Dan shouted as he then grabbed the boy's arm and began running as fast as he could to get away from the Mightyena.

    "Hey, not too fast!" The boy said, having trouble running as fast as Dan. Meanwhile, the Mightyena began chasing them.

    "Shit..." Dan said as he noticed the Mightyena chasing them. As they ran, they found a steep slope heading down to a very small valley, and Rosewood on the other side.

    "Hey! There it is!" The boy said as the two ran.
    "Whew, we've made...oh crap," Dan replied as he looked back and saw the Mightyena, still following them.

    "Here we go!" Dan said as they then jumped off the steep slope for the valley under them. The Mightyena followed suit and jumped.

    "Gah! Why did you jump!?" The boy asked. Dan didn't reply. They landed back on the slope, sliding down from the speed they had. The Mightyena, meanwhile, overshot its jump and went over the two, landing straight down the valley, and tumbled. It stopped moving. Dan also heard a loud crack.

    "Ow...that landing hurt my legs..." The boy said as they stopped.
    "Well, at least we got away from that Mightyena," Dan said as he then began running towards the golden Mightyena, who wasn't moving.

    Dan then picked the Mightyena up.

    "Hmm, might have broken its legs..." Dan muttered.
    "Why are you tending to it? It was trying to kill us!" The boy said.
    "So? At least we're helping it, and you don't know, maybe he'll come to trust us afterwards. Anyways, gotta get to the Pokemon Center," Dan replied as he began walking up the other, less steeper hill back towards Rosewood.
    "Hmm, guess your right. And wait up!" The boy said as he followed Dan up the hill.

    ---

    "I ask you this again, are you a trainer?" The boy asked.
    "No, um...what's your name?" Dan asked.
    "Adrian," Adrian replied.
    "Oh. I'm Dan. Anyways, I'm not a trainer," Dan replied.
    "Then how come you beat those Mightyenas so easily?" Adrian asked.
    "That wasn't me, that was Nad," Dan replied.
    "Well, you told him what moves to use. Of course you beat them in a way!"
    "I just read some books about those moves. I don't know much," Dan replied.
    "But you know how to use them! You should definitely become one!"
    "But I don't think I'm good enough,"
    "Don't worry about that, I'm sure you'll succeed!"
    "I still don't thin..." Dan said as he then noticed a girl wearing an orange sleevless shirt and pants that reach to the ankle walking towards them. Dan recognized the person. Then, the girl noticed them.

    "Hey! It's Dan! I never saw you go out!" The girl said.
    "Well, yeah. I just...went outside and walk around. I was bored," Dan replied.
    "Hey, Dan, who's she? Your girlfriend or something?" Adrian then said.
    "She's not my girlfriend!" Dan replied, blushing. "We're just...you know, friends. Her name's Ann,"
    "Who's this?" Ann asked.

    ---

    Dan and Ann continued to be friends for the last seven years. They lived next door, and often saw each other. They both consider each other as best friends.

    ---

    "This is Adrian. Found him in the woods surrounded by Mightyenas and...this," Dan said as he then showed the golden Mightyena in his arms.
    "Oh wow! I've never seen a Mightyena like this! It's colored gold!" Ann said in astonishment.
    "Yeah, and it seemed to be the only one brave enough to challenge this guy's Barrolf," Adrian said.
    "Oh? You and Nad fought those?" Ann asked.
    "Umm...uh...yeah...we had trouble though," Dan replied shyly.
    "Don't be shy, Dan! Come on! It only took one roar to make them chicken out!" Adrian interrupted.
    "Really? Wow!" Ann said.
    "Ugh...okay, it was a cakewalk, except for a missed hyper beam," Dan said.
    "Nad knows Hyper Beam?" Ann asked. Dan then slapped himself in the face.
    "Yeah yeah yeah, he knows it," Dan replied. He began walking again towards the Pokemon Center, leaving Adrian and Ann behind. Then, Ann noticed Dan's back, splattered with blood, and his jacket, torn in half, although it still stuck on.

    "What happened to your back?" Ann asked.
    "Eh?" Dan said as he suddenly stopped.
    "Oh, that Mightyena on his arms jumped onto his back and clawed it," Adrian replied instead.
    "Really?" Ann said in a worrying voice.
    "Sigh...yeah," Dan replied.
    "Oh my! This is bad! I have to get some bandages for you! Wait for me here!" Ann said as she then left the two, running.

    "Well, someone here's being taken care of," Adrian said to Dan with a grin.
    "Stop it, you're getting on my nerves," Dan replied, feeling slightly frustrated.
    "How long have you known each other?"
    "7 years," Dan said as he began walking again.
    "So you've known each other for quite some time, eh? Did you know each other by the time of that meltdown back at Silverton?" Adrian asked.
    "Yes. Heck, we lived in Silverton. We were walking along a speaker right after school, heading home. Suddenly it crackled to life and announced the meltdown. We tried to head home, but shit happened. I found my mom running around, looking for me. She probably heard what happened. Then she crossed a street, then the next thing I saw was that she got ran over. She died. My dad, meanwhile...he went missing and he never reappeared again. And I got a really bad burn that left my arm really dry and reddish," Dan replied in a really long sentence.
    "Ouch. You're an orphan then?" Adrian then asked.
    "Yes. I live with my auntie and unc anyways," Dan said. Adrian didn't reply.

    After a while, they arrived at the Pokemon Center.

    "Well, we're here," Dan said.
    "Wonder what time is it?" Adrian asked. He looked around and saw a clock. It read 7:30.
    "Oh man, I'm late for dinner. I gotta go," Adrian said as he then quickly ran for the exit.

    "And by the way, thanks a lot," Adrian said as he exited the Pokemon Center.
    "Bye," Dan said. He then headed towards the desk of the Pokemon Center. There was a nurse. The nurse turned around and noticed Dan, already beside the desk.

    "Um, nurse? I have this...erm...unusually colored Mightyena, and I think it broke it's leg. It was chasing us, we jumped down a small valley, and I heard a crack when it landed," Dan said to the nurse as he put the Mightyena on the desk. The nurse turned around to him.
    "Oh? Why is it unconscious then?" The nurse asked.
    "I...don't know," Dan replied.
    "Ah, anyways, I'll take care of this," The nurse replied as she then lifted the Mightyena and carried it though a door behind the desk. Dan then sat down on a nearby couch.

    "Ahh..." Dan said as he sat down. He then found a newspaper on a coffee table in front of him. He took it and began reading it.

    EARTHQUAKE STRIKES NORTHWESTERN ALSI
    1337 dead, more than 10000 missing


    "Yipes. Never seen a deadlier disaster than that meltdown seven years ago," Dan said. He continued reading.

    An earthquake has struck northwestern Alsi yesterday evening. At a magnitude of 8.3, it is the most devastating earthquake in Alsi's history. The epicenter is in the heart of Goldeneye Town. As a result, most of Goldeneye has been completely devastated.

    "It is such a tragedy for this to happen to my beloved Goldeneye Town" Says William Goldeneye, mayor of Goldeneye Town. "Never has such a disaster occured to us. Our beloved town has been..."


    "Pah, boring," Dan said as he skipped that part of the news.

    It has also struck the nearby Rockslide Town, although it wasn't as deadly as what happened to Goldeneye. It also hit the much more farther Greenwich City, and ironically was hit harder.

    "Greenwich? But our league's yearly tournament is held there!" Dan said.

    Greenwich was hit hard by the earthquake, although not as much as Goldeneye. It has destroyed many buildings in Greenwich, but it luckily doesn't have much casualties(about 30).

    One of the notable buildings destroyed is Greenwich Stadium, famous in Alsi as the location of the local Pokemon League. While it wasn't destroyed in the initial shock, it later collapsed. It is still being investigated on how the stadium collapsed


    "Oh shit," Dan said.

    It is still unknown what decision the people at the Pokemon League will choose. Will they choose not to hold it? Or will they hold it somewhere else?

    Dan stopped reading at that point and put the newspaper down.

    "Great, no league this year. Ugh," Dan said as he then reclined on the couch. At the same time, the door opened, and Ann came out from the door, carrying a bunch of adhesives bandages. She immediately ran towards Dan.

    "I knew I would find you here. Turn around," Ann said to Dan.
    "I don't need the bandages. My back's fine," Dan replied.
    "Well you never know, it might get infected or something. Plus it could heal faster!" Ann replied, taking out one of the bandages.
    "Stop. Just stop. It doesn't hurt anymore anyways. I don't need it," Dan said. Ann didn't reply.

    "Umm, excuse me, but this Mightyena seems okay know. It does have a broken foot, but nothing major. It also seems to have amnesia; it can't remember anything at all," The nurse interrupted, with the Mightyena in her arms, awake and moaning.
    "Well, I knew it hit is head. You tried asking it where did it come from?" Dan asked.
    "Yup. It can't remember. Why not take care of it? You're the one who brough it here," The nurse reccomended.
    "Sure," Dan said as he then took the Mightyena from the nurse.
    "Hrrr?" The Mightyena muttered as it saw Dan.

    "Come on, put this on!" Ann said, ignoring the Mightyena.
    "I told you, I don't need those bandages. Put them away," Dan replied.
    "Well...alright," Ann replied as she thinked.

    They then left the Pokemon Center. It was night already.

    "So...what exactly happened to this one?" Ann asked as they began walking home.
    "Well, it was chasing me and that kid Adrian to the woods, and we found this...erm...place. I don't whether it was a small valley or we were just on top of a hill. We jumped down, and we hit the slopes, and slided. The Mightyena overshot its jump though, and I saw it land straight down to the ground. I heard a crack. Figured it broke something, and I was right," Dan replied.
    "Oh? Poor Mightyena. That kid...erm, Adrian, said you fought a bunch of other Mightyena too, and then you scared them off. Was that true?" Ann asked.
    "Yes," Dan replied.
    "Wow! That's amazing!" Ann said. Dan didn't reply.

    Minutes passed, and they eventually made it to the street in which they both lived in.

    "You know, I saw that Adrian kid as I was headed for the Pokemon Center, and we talked for a while. One of the things he said was you should become a trainer, and I agree! Come on, I see your room, and everything is related to training," Ann said.
    "But I feel too lazy to become one," Dan replied.
    "But you already have Nad! He's fully evolved! And now you're probably keeping this Mightyena on your arms,"
    "Warr?" The Mightyena interrupted.
    "But I saw a newspaper about the Greenwich Stadium collapsing. How the heck will the League occur then?" Dan asked.
    "Well, they could move the League to another place or fix the stadium enough. Come on! Alsi is really small, it's not like you'll be gone for the entire summer or something," Ann said, still trying to encourage Dan. Dan didn't really want to become one, but something in his mind told him to follow what Ann and Adrian said.
    "Gah..." Dan muttered. By that time, they had reached their homes. Dan's house was on the left, and Ann's was on the right.

    "Well, I guess we're here. So...have you decided?" Ann asked. Dan was still thinking. Eventually, he decided on it.
    "I..." Dan said, as he had a second thought.
    "Well?"
    "S-s-s-ure. Gah! Okay!" Dan said, finally spitting it out.
    "Good. Anyways, good night!" Ann said, giving him a brief hug. Dan blushed.
    "Erm...good night," Dan said. When Ann let go, he began walking towards his house. Ann followed suit.

    "Well, I'm screwed. Just hope that stadium is fixed, though," Dan said as he entered the door to his house.

    ---
    Too long? No sense of direction? Filler for the real plot? Unecessary? I hope my first chapter doesn't have any of these, it took me some time to make this.

    Hope it's not too bad.

  13. #13
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Fallout Island

    You switch between tenses too often. You need to pick a tense and stick with it, I think nine times out of ten, that tense is past tense. Present tense only ever really seems to work in first person. The journal can, of course, be present tense, but that's different.

    I would've liked a lot more description about what Nad looks like now - saying that it's a largeish dog is very disappointing if I'm honest.

    Team Crazy sound AWESOME. I was a bit sceptical about the name at first but your explanation of it makes it work. I'm glad they don't call themselves 'Team' anything because that is kind of lame imo and Crazy would just make it worse but the fact that that is just a title used to take the piss out of them really works. I guess the only reason it stuck is because that's the only name for them that people have!

    BTW the word for "less louder" is "quieter".

    Also -

    Nad noticed this and began running towards Nad.
    I think you can find the problem there yourself.

    In fact, this needs a proof read, you've confused Dan and Nad a couple of times. Perhaps you should not have picked such similar names?

    You really have issues with tenses, it's quite frustrating really.

    Also, you'll notice that when I quote speech I usually do something like this:

    "Hey Dan, who's she?" asked Adrian, "Your girlfriend or something?"

    or possibly even:

    "Hey Dan," enquired Adrian, "Who's she? Your girlfriend or something?"

    That way the reader doesn't have to wait until they've already read the sentence before they realise who is speaking. When I read the sentence:

    "Hey Dan, who's she? Your girlfriend or something?" Adrian then said

    I thought Ann was saying it at first and I was very confused because I thought Adrian was a boy! As it turned out, I was right, Adrian is a boy but it was not Ann who was speaking. Epic noobreader fail, I know, but that kind of confusion is easily avoided and it will make your work a lot more readable too.

    Also, think about subbing in different words for 'said' more often. My aim is to never use the word 'said' and I think I do pretty well at it. It's just nice chopping and changing it a bit to give a bit more description about how the speech is said.

    Why does Dan slap himself in the face? I don't understand what that is supposed to mean.

    Dan's "really long sentence" is totally unnecessary. A better sentence would've been "Yes. Heck, we lived in Silverton. I still remember it like it was yesterday, the moment we heard that voice over the PA, the fires but most of all, the panic. I never saw either of my parents again after that day..."

    Adrian's a rude little brat. Would you say "Ouch, so you're an orphan then?" to someone you just met? I certainly wouldn't.

    How do you diagnose a Pokemon with amnesia? That seems a little weak.

    :| How did she ask where it came from? POKEMON CANT TALK. PEOPLE CANT UNDERSTAND POKEMON. FACT.

    Basically, this chapter was fine as a first chapter but it was nothing special. I hope you don't end up doing the same thing you did with A Girl and Her Journey though, which was make it boring by making the intro take far too long. If by the end of the next chapter Dan has not started on his journey, you are going too slow.

    Anyway, this is a decent chapter overall. I'd like to see improvements, but this is still good. You need to work on your tenses.

  14. #14
    How do I used tense? SSJ3_Raditz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fallout Island

    Bleh, I knew there was something wrong.

    Actually, I prefer to imagine Pokemon being somewhat sapient, having memories, care for others, have a preference for something and stuff like that. I feel that treating them like real animals ruins their personality. I put in that the Mightyena had amnesia, or else he would attack Dan the moment it sees him.

  15. #15
    How do I used tense? SSJ3_Raditz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fallout Island

    Next time I'll read over my chapters after I make them. Perhaps that'll help.

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