MATURE: Excruciation

Results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: Excruciation

  1. #1
    Ambitious Creator
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    A wonderful place
    Blog Entries
    Follow Steelrush On Twitter Add Steelrush on Facebook Add Steelrush on MySpace
    Add Steelrush on Linkedin Follow Steelrush on Tumblr Follow Steelrush on Flickr Visit Steelrush's Youtube Channel

    Default Excruciation

    My first story on this site, yeeesssss!

    This is sort of a Harry Potter/Pokemon crossover (excuse the weird nature of that).

    My update speed won't be instant, although I can guarantee that a new chapter can be uploaded once every week.

    This post will also be updated whenever a new chapter is posted.

    Anyways, read, review, and most important-Enjoy!
    (Sorry about the short length of the first chapter, and some of the characters might be OOC)

    Table of contents

    Chapter 1: Fallout

    "Destiny has one great test in store for us all... has mine already come? And have I failed it?... A deed, once done, cannot be undone. But perhaps... it may yet be mitigated!"

    The howl of a fractious wind could be heard all throughout the ruins of a city that was now consumed in powdery-blue flames, which was mixed with the lifeless bodies of its inhabitants.
    Aside from the stormy background-esq noises, the only sounds that could be heard were the skewed/disfigured whimpers of grotestquely distorted survivors, none who had any memory of what had happened.
    Only smoldering fragments of the former large town remained, along with the ravaged fragments of the people that lived within the area. The place was now a sea of multi-colored fire mixed with mutilated corspes, as if it were an allusion to a horric nightmare that occured in the past...

    Harry...? An eerie groan vibrated from underneath, along with the grinding of dirt that sounded like a rusted block of led grinding against a crude chalkboard. What's my name again, he thought to himself, feeling as if he were about to vomit. Who am I supposed to be now?

    Harry struggled to maintain his balance, trying to repress the urge to eject the substances that were contained within his stomach. My name is Harry Potter, he thought to himself vaguely. Isn't it? That is my name, isn't it? Harry looked up, and tried to keep his vision from blurring.

    The appearance of the place of which he was in did not appear to be peaceful or upbeat at all, this area appeared to be a collection of blue-colored fire fused with the molten remains of a town (along with the people who lived there).

    Harry's mind went blank, his thoughts and emotions were suddenly emptied as the sight of this disturbing scene consumed his vision. The confused man's internal silence did not last long however, once the sickening sensation returned, his emotions were reactivated, and the involuntary need to eject his interior returned.

    Before the frivilous internal fued could continue, Harry spotted something standing on top of one of the ruined buildings. This object appeared to be a dragon-like creature, something that resembled a sleek reptilian monster that had extremely black skin that appeared to be a blend of thin armor and scales.

    Straight symmertrically arranged dark-crimson markings were visible all around its torso and slender wings, and the ones that were less visible hid underneath the monster's orange eyes. The intimidating beast's limbs appeared to be made of some kind of slender armor, along with hands and feet that appeared to be unbelievebly sharp claws.

    The monster's large wings appeared to be partially translucent, showing a sticky yellow interior underneath the jagged armor-like skin along with the connections to its spine.

    Harry felt a trickle of fear pulsating through his backbone as the creature glared at him with its fearsome orange eyes. Harry shivered in fright while the creature slowly stepped closer to him, sweating as he saw something that appeared to be a smile on its terrifying face.

    ANOTHER DECORATION I HAVE TO ADD, an abyssal-pitched inhuman voice said insultingly, originating from the dragon. THIS ONE WILL MAKE A GOOD TROPHY. Harry wondered what the creature was talking about, and tried to come up with a theory on who or what this thing was.

    I WAS WORRIED THAT MY LIFE WOULDN'T BE AS FUN WITHOUT ALBUS DUMBLEDORE'S TOYS TO PLAY WITH, the beast said to Harry in an odd way. I HEAR THAT YOU WERE HIS FAVORITE. The monster opened its horrific mouth, and revealed a collection of extremely sharp blade-esq teeth. "W-who are you...?" he nearly squealed, struggling to control his pitch and tone.

    The monster cackled manicially, only it sounded like metal being torn apart in conjunction with other sounds that could cause one's ears to pour out waterfalls of blood. MY IDENTITY SHOULD NOT CONCERN YOU, it replied harshly, pointing one of its needle-looking fingers at Harry. NOW I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU, MAGIC PREPOSSESSED PARASITE! WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ON BEING MY PET?

    Harry blinked twice, and almost stumbled backward at the statement. "I don't know who or what you are," he began in response. "But I'm not going to become your plaything." The monster curled its left hand into a fist, and punched Harry with a force that caused him to vomit a cup's-worth of blood over the beast's wrist.

    The wounded wizard was lifted into the air by the force of the dragon's blow, and was thrown into a pile of burnt dining room furniture from the strength of the punch. YOU PATHETIC EGOTISTICAL FOOL!, the beast shouted furiously. THIS MONSTROSITY OF AN ABRACADABRA-OBSESSED CIVILIZATION DOES NOT DESERVE TO EXIST, NOR DOES ITS INHABITANTS. THE DUNDERHEADED RULERS OF YOUR SOCIETY ARE PROGRAMMED WITH FAULTY IDEALS THAT HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO THE POOR REPUTATION THAT YOUR SPECIES HAS BEEN GIVEN.


    Harry took a deep-breath, and was grateful at the sudden (yet somehow slow) dissapearance of his fear that he felt for this monster, along with the fact that he could still stand and move his body. "You're planning on trying to make wizards and witches better people by torturing or killing them all?" Harry questioned firmly. The let out another of its ear-piercing laughs, and made full eye-contact with Harry.

    THAT IS NOT THE ONLY METHOD I CAN USE TO CARRY OUT MY AGENDA, it responded gracefully. BUT I HAVE THE MOST FUN DOING IT MY WAY! The atrocious beast continued laughing, angering Harry to a mild level. Though he had the urge to insult the creature, Harry wanted to know more about it. "Who are you, exactly?" he asked, trying to keep the beast in a positive mood.



    Harry scanned his memories, and could not find the knowledge of what a Pokemon was. In fact, he had never heard that word before in his life. Harry didn't bother asking the dragon. The better thing to do was to search for his wand, and he hoped that he could think of a spell to destroy Deviant and prevent it from killing him and any other people that were left.

    Harry sent out a stream of red lightning at Deviant with his tool, using all of the power that he had left. Deviant quickly took on a fighting stance, and opened its mouth as widely as it could. A blue sphere of energy formed between the creature's "fangs", and sucked all of the red lightning into the ball of blue light, as if it were being absorbed.

    HOW WOULD YOU LIKE HAVING TWO SCARS ON YOUR BODY? Harry attempted to conjure another spell, but was exhausted completely. Before he could successfully move his legs, Harry saw a line of turquoise lighting bolts shooting in his direction, as if they were projectiles being launched from an overpowered firearm. Harry stared in the direction of the attack, and saw images from all parts of his life playing before his eyes like a video.

    Once the sequence of memories faded, Harry watched the stream of light rip his body to pieces, and regretted not being able to see his family one last time.

    Last edited by Steelrush; 14th October 2011 at 06:21 PM. Reason: update

  2. #2
    Face of mercy? NOPE Yato's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Blog Entries

    Follow Yato on Tumblr

    Default Re: Excruciation

    Nice start, but I'd like more spacing - the sentences and paragraphs are cramped that it's a little hard to read. As for the content, I can't say much since it's only the first chapter, though I'm looking forward to the next LOL

  3. #3
    Ambitious Creator
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    A wonderful place
    Blog Entries
    Follow Steelrush On Twitter Add Steelrush on Facebook Add Steelrush on MySpace
    Add Steelrush on Linkedin Follow Steelrush on Tumblr Follow Steelrush on Flickr Visit Steelrush's Youtube Channel

    Default Re: Excruciation

    Chapter 2: A Deadly Visage

    Misty: "Oh no! Starmie looks like it's in real pain!"
    Ash: "How can you tell? It doesn't even have a face!"

    A pleasant breeze swept across a lucent valley, one which was filled with multifarious hues that contributed to the colorful valley filled with plants and Pokemon that glowed with near-perfect health.

    Jimmy had small amount of admiration for another sight of nature's exquisiteness, although that didn't have enough potentiality to distract him from training his Typhlosion, who happened to be occupying his time by gnawing away at a pile of burnt wood next to a nearby tree.

    "Come on Typhlosion," Jimmy said firmly. "That's enough of that, let's get back to-" Jimmy's sentence was interrupted by the sound of frustrated growling from behind the tree.

    What's he upset about now, Jimmy thought to himself as he paced around the tree. "What's wrong now, Gadsden?"Jimmy asked his traveling compainion.

    Jimmy's traveling compainion was staring at an iPod with a frusterated glare in his brown eyes, and he appeared to be very timid due to his consistant twitching.

    Gadsden looked a Jimmy with an unmitigated frown while his Meloetta floating behind him. "Bugsy was sent to prison today," he growled unhappily. "Now we can't get the hive badge..."

    "Huh...WHAT?" Jimmy exclaimed in a bizarre way. "What'd he do? Was he not running his gym right or something?" Gadsden shuddered angrily.

    "There's an island out in the Pacific ocean called Pangaea that's governed by a Mew," he explained to Jimmy. "Apparently, Bugsy took a vacation over there, and he played a game of Wii tennis with that Pokemon...And Mew sent Bugsy to jail because it lost the match."

    Jimmy sighed at that statement, and crossed his arms. "Well that's pretty stupid," he replied bitterly, ignoring Typhlosion's sarcastic laughter from behind. Gadsden gave Typhlosion a dirty look in response, and stood up while squinting his left eye.

    "You think everything is just one big joke," he said under his breath. "You are one cruel Pokemon, Typhlosion..."

    Jimmy felt a tiny improvement to his mood in response to Gadsden's comment, although it was caused by a rude impulse.

    "Quit being so melodramatic," Jimmy told the angry Pokemon trainer harshly. "You're way too sensi-"

    Gadsden suddenly leaped away from Jimmy, and made several unintelligible noises as a smoldering object impacted the tree that he was sitting next to a few minutes ago.

    The burnt heap of ash-like fragments penetrated the center of the wooden plant, and came to a halt once the first three layers of the tree were broken apart.

    Meloetta instantly began to make indecipherable sounds (that resembled panicking), and zipped over to Gadsden as Typhlosion attempted to pluck the object out of the tree.

    Jimmy took a few steps closer to the black/grey heap of ashes once Typhlosion jerked the substance away from the wood, and rolled it over to see a barbarically ravaged face with a lightning bolt-shaped scar on the forehead.

    "Okay...?" he muttered to himself. As if it were a response to Jimmy's words, the individual's eyes opened up, jumping to his feet with his mouth twisted in a repulsive grimace. "Hey-" Jimmy tried to say before the man started running in circles.


    "Albus?! Ginny?!" Harry shouted at the top of his lungs. "ANYONE?!" Harry looked at his hands, and felt like vomiting at the sight of broken bones sticking out of his skin.

    "Are you practicing for a play or something?" the voice of an angry teenager said from behind.

    Harry looked around and saw the tanned face of a thin, very frusterated young man with an odd creature floating from behind.

    This adolecent male was wearing a plain brown T-shirt with unrefined ceil shorts below, which didn't seem to match his strange-looking boots.

    Harry noticed that the choleric individual had a traveling compainion with him, this one having a rather different appearance.

    This particular man wore a red sweatshirt with yellow shorts underneath, along with a yellow/black baseball cap. Unlike his friend, this guy seemed to be more energetic, and more positive than his teammate.

    "Oh, quit being such a jerk, Gadsden!" he ordered immovably. "Are you alright, dude?"

    Harry didn't know how to respond to that question, despite being so simple in terms of difficulty. "My name's Jimmy," the teenager introduced himself. "What's yours?"

    Harry shuddered with terror pulsing throughout with body, struggling to keep his mind from coming apart. "H-Harry," he answered, his voice sounding slurred in a very poor way. "Harry Potter..."

    "The cos play convention in Violet City ended two days ago," Gadsden told Harry rudly. "And there won't be any more in Johto for a long time."

    Harry discontinued shaking at the sound of Gadsden's words. "What's cos play?" Harry whispered.

    "You...actually think you're Harry Potter?" he replied without answering Harry's question.

    "Cut it out, Gadsden!" Jimmy barked. "This guy's hurt really bad, and he just got his head rammed into tree! Would your brain be working right if you got caught on fire and had something bash into your skull?"

    "Yes," Gadsden replied sarcastically. Harry looked at the crude teenager, and saw a look of guilt forming on his face. "I'm...sorry. I haven't been having too good of a day eith-"

    Ignoring Gadsden's apology, Harry darted off down into the vine-covered valley in the opposite direction. I don't have time for this, Harry muttered through his thoughts.


    Harry shrugged off the twigs and thorns that quickly stuck to his coat, and barely stumbled on the scattered rocks from underneath.

    After slipping on a mass of black mud, Harry screamed as an orange/apricot colored collection of rocks shot out from underneath the ground.

    "REDDGI-ROCK," a thick, machine-like voice said from within the heap.

    The mound of rocks landed in front of Harry, and gazed at him as if it were some sort of bipedal robotic entity constructed out of boulders.

    The object's shoulders were craggy and ellipsoidal, while its torso was rounded and possessed a hexigonal pattern that led up to a "face" made up of large dots that resembled an "H" pattern.

    "REDDGI-ROCK!" the inorganic creature said once again, sounding more agressive this time.

    The dots on the object's face lit up in several different patterns just as it slammed one of its "arms" into Harry's face, causing him to spin over backwards.

    Harry flailed his arms around, struggling to stand to his feet. "REGI-ROCK!" the stone-built creature said again, right before a sphere of yellow light began glowing on the "H" on its head.

    "What do you want from me?!" Harry yelled, trying to gain a response from the thing. Ignoring his question, "Regirock" fired a beam of energy in Harry's direction, creating a medium-sized explosion in front of Harry.

    Though the detonation did not physically harm him directly, Harry was still tossed into the air, and sent flying into a metallic object from behind.

    Despite not feeling as much pain during Deviant's torture, Regirock seemed capable of being able to inflict major agony upon Harry.

    "Who are you?!" Harry barked, trying to gain a reaction from the bizarre Pokemon.

    Harry heard a watery noise (that resembled something mechinical) fizzing in back of him, triggering Regirock to discontinue its movements.

    The mentally wounded wizard turned around, and something strange looming over him.

    This machine-esq Pokemon seemed to be related to Regirock somehow, although its body was almost entirely different in terms of appearance in every way (the only similarity being the large dots on the "face").

    The top-half of this Pokemon's body wass spherical and gray with a black stripe running down where its "face" was. The dots on this being's face consisted of seven dots in some kind of hexagon formation, making the entity seem more alien-like.

    The strange machine's black arms had odd "hands" with three fingers each, along with short cylindrical legs, which boosted the strangeness of this metal-built creature's appearance.

    "How many of you guys are there?" Harry asked the robotic Pokemon. "eslab-REGISTEEL," the thing said, sounding almost completely unintelligible in every way.

    Registeel backhanded Harry with its left hand, and caused him to crash into a thoroughly thick tree stump.

    Please tell me I still have my wand, the ravaged man pleaded within his mind. YES! Harry drew his wand, and pointed it at Registeel. "Expelliarmus!" he shouted loudly, triggering a wide line of red light to shoot out towards one of his newfound opponents.

    Registeel instantly countered by discharging a denim-hued beam at the wizard, and locked the two in a vague variation of a Priori Incantatem...except the metal-built Pokemon seemed to be forcing Harry's attack in a backwards direction.

    There's no way that this thing is stronger than me, Harry growled to himself.

    Despite putting all his remaining power into the wand, Registeel's energy beam was more effective, and Harry was not at full strength.

    Regirock quickly performed a backflip, and fired its own beam at Harry, adding its power to Registeel's attack.

    Unable to handle the combined dynamism of the two Pokemon, Harry's spell came apart, and the wizard was blasted several feet into the air by the following explosion.

    Harry covered his eyes with his hands, and felt all sorts of branches and thorns slicing apart his clothing, and some cutting into the interior of his skin.

    What's happening to me, Harry wondered in his mind, ignoring the ache he recieved from smashing into the peeble-covered ground.

    The wizard opened his eyes, and saw Registeel slowly moving towards him with its dots lightning up in thoroughly random patterns (while the Pokemon made its weird watery noises in the process).

    Regirock stood behind its metal compainion, watching Harry motionlessly as if it were anticipating some sort of entertaining event.

    Harry blinked and caught a glimspe of his wand in front of Registeel's feet, and felt his eyes widen, expecting the Pokemon to crush his wooden tool.

    The tortured man attempted to stand up, and dug deep within his mind, searching for a way to end this deadly one-sided competition.

    Before Harry could react, a small amber sphere appeared within his vision from above a nearby cliff, and transformed into a stream of fire as it descended down onto Registeel's back.

    Registeel turned around quickly, and flapped its arms like wings towards the source of the flame. "Run Harry! Get out of here!" Jimmy said from far away.

    Harry didn't know what to do despite Jimmy's suggestion, and was about to continue standing in the same spot before Regirock joined Registeel in its hunt for the source of the one who attacked it.

    The wizard quickly picked up his wand, and sprinted away from the two cruel Pokemon.


    Harry could feel the dirt thrusting into the air behind him as he moved his legs as quickly as he could, desperately wishing that the two Pokemon lost interest in him.

    As he slowed down to take a breath, Harry turned around and saw that he was far away from Registeel and Regirock, due to the colorful trees surrounding the area.

    Where am I now, Harry asked himself, scanning the tall plants that almost prevented him from viewing the sky. Well, at least they can't find me in here.

    Though he didn't know how long it was since he last woke up, Harry felt a warm sense of gratitude, thinking as if it were the first time in centuries that he had felt calm, collected, and tranquil.

    Harry sat down on the grass, and listened to the sounds of the creatures living in the forest. Deviant must have sent them here to kill me, Harry said to himself. Those two things are probably working for him...

    The sounds of the beings that inhabited the forest suddenly came to a halt, triggering Harry's small train of thought to stop in unison. It's probably nothing, he reassured himself, trying to stay positive.

    "REEGGGIIIII-ICE!" a cold, hollow machine-esq voice echoed across the woods. Harry felt a rock form in his gut, turning around and seeing a bipedal object that appeared to be a gigantic floating iceberg.

    The object's center was equal to that of a jagged oval crystal that had cone-shaped legs and wide "arms" with three stubby fingers.

    As with Registeel and Regirock, this Pokemon had a collection of seven large dots on its face, this one being a "+" formation.

    The iceberg Pokemon came floating out of the trees, and faced Harry head-to-head, making the wizard jump to his feet. "Reegggiiiii-ICCEEE!" it beeped loudly, sounding extremely aggressive.

    A cyan-tinted sphere of light appeared on Regice's face, and extended into of beam of energy. Harry dived out of the way, and watched a large chunk of ice appear on the patch of grass that he was sitting on.

    Harry darted deeper into the forest, and gasped as Regice charged at him like a barbaric demon with a universe-sized hunger for murder.

    "REEGGI-IICCEEE!" the Pokemon echoed, sounding like a blend between a high-pitched robot and something infinitely more terrifying than anything he ever heard of in his entire life.

    Regice launched another volley of its "ice-beams", and nearly caught Harry's legs this time.

    Harry took another glance behind himself, and saw that the savage Pokemon was getting closer every second.

    Harry pointed his wand at Regice, and summoned all the power he had left into the pointed tool. This spell went against everything he stood for, but at this point, Harry had no other choice.

    Regice seemed mindlessly dedicated to killing Harry Potter. "Avada Kedavra!" Harry shouted, summoning a green jet of light shooting out of his wand.

    The green-colored beam of energy impacted Regice with a force that shook the ground like an earthquake, and caused a jade sphere to envolope the psychotic Pokemon completely.

    Harry dropped his wand, and collasped on the ground from the intense fatigue, which was enhanced due to the usuage of the killing curse.

    The wizard felt as if he were about to faint, and nearly passed out before the cloud of lime-hued energy was gone.

    Once the green dust faded, Harry saw Regice hovering closer to him...Completely unharmed from the attack. Ginny, he thought to himself before Regice discharged a powerful sapphire-shaded stream of energy straight into his skull.
    Last edited by Steelrush; 23rd September 2011 at 11:22 PM.

  4. #4
    I'm a wizard. Frantic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Hoenn, in 3D!!!

    Default Re: Excruciation

    Very good! I think that this is a great story. Since this is only the second chapter, at the moment, I can only suggest that you find synonyms for your usage of "-esq". Otherwise, your doing a fantastic job, and I hope to read more of the story soon.

    Credit to Blazaking for the banner.
    Nyan. ~Nyan Cat

  5. #5
    Serenity is key
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Blog Entries

    Default Re: Excruciation

    I quite like this. It's an interesting premise.

    Your spelling is questionable in some places, such as "compainion" (companion) and "envolope" (envelope). However, this may just be me being pedantic, and it doesn't really mean much to the story.

    Again, it's very good. I'll continue to follow it.
    Crack some heads for me, darlings. Thank you, and good night.

  6. #6
    Face of mercy? NOPE Yato's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Blog Entries

    Follow Yato on Tumblr

    Default Re: Excruciation

    Good! Nice spacing, and the content is also interesting. Though, there are a few spelling mistakes here and there - try using MS Word for automatic spell checks.

    Other than that, awesome XD I'm looking forward to the next chappy LOL

  7. #7
    Ambitious Creator
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    A wonderful place
    Blog Entries
    Follow Steelrush On Twitter Add Steelrush on Facebook Add Steelrush on MySpace
    Add Steelrush on Linkedin Follow Steelrush on Tumblr Follow Steelrush on Flickr Visit Steelrush's Youtube Channel

    Default Re: Excruciation

    Chapter 3: The Dragon's Bride

    Sergeant Johnson: We have enough to worry about without you two trying to kill each other.

    Harry's vision was distorted beyond definition, everything appeared to be blurred and malformed, as if he was badly intoxicated with the most dangerous substance ever created.

    The wizard felt something cold touching his back, and realized that Regice was carrying him through an odd cave that was filled with lime-green crystals.

    "Reegggiiiicceee..." the machine-like Pokemon chirped, sounding like it was trying to whisper.

    In addition to Regice's odd dialog, Harry could also hear a deeply-pitched female voice up ahead, although it almost sounded like that of a man despite the feminine traits.

    Without any warning, Regice threw Harry's icy capsule into a rocky wall, causing it to shatter completely, and send Harry tumbling down into a stone statue.

    The dots on Regice's face flashed several times in a confusing pattern, and dimmed as it turned away to stare in another direction.

    "Why are you doing this to me?" Harry asked Regice, trying to sound as reverent as he possibly could.

    "Vær stille, Você idiota!" Regice fizzed at the wizard. It can speak human languages?

    Though he had the desire to ponder the insane Pokemon's intellect, Harry knew it was wise to focus his energy into figuring out how he would escape from the demonic machine.

    Harry's anxiety began to fade away, and left him completely at the sight of a mysterious creature entering the cave through an indigo-hued entry point.

    This being was a bipedal fox-like beast, having primarly umber-brown coloration to its fur with scarlet and black traits.

    The creature also had a somewhat pointed mouth and ears, while the insides possessed a vermillion interior.

    In addition to these traits, the Pokemon had a large red-shaded billowing mane, which resembled a ponytail in an odd fashion.

    Oddly enough, the creature's upper arms were somewhat narrow, while its forearms had a somewhat more cumbrous build.

    "questo è Demealla," Regice fizzed in an incognizable manner. "la Zoroark que es la novia de Deviant. Ahora está a su siervo. Por tiempo indefinido."

    Harry twiched after hearing Regice's garbled statement.

    "What are you trying to tell me?" he asked blatently. Regice responded by firing a blue/white beam of energy at Harry (which was aimed directly at the front of his head), sending the wizard into a pool of lime-green liquid.

    "Calm, Regice! Calm!" the rapsy, astonishingly low (yet womanly) voice said to the savage iceberg Pokemon.

    Harry pulled himself out of the pocket of harlequin acid, and saw the fox-like creature towering over him.

    "Why did you bring this man here?" she asked Regice. "Il vostro coniuge lo richi-labbb-" it struggled to reply.

    The furry Pokemon glared at the icy robot, making it hover away towards the entry point of the cave.

    "You are not permitted to speak human languages in here," she barked aggresively.

    "Now go collect the other fanatics that pollute the kingdom of my future spouse and I."

    Harry felt a trickle of relief running down his back, and he gained the feeling that this female Pokemon did not have the desire to physically harm him at the moment.

    "E-excuse me," Harry stammered, trying to remain confident and brave. The fox-esq Pokemon turned around and made full eye-contact with Harry. "What's your name?"

    The Pokemon smiled at the wizard, suddenly appearing to have a friendly attitude towards Harry.

    "I am Demealla the Zoroark," she happily introduced herself. "I am the queen of the Johto region. And I will soon rule this world with my future husband, who is known as Deviant."

    You've got to be kidding me, Harry blurted out in his mind. She's going to help that monster destroy everything?! "What are you called? Demealla asked the wizard kindly.

    I'll just play along with her, Harry thought casually. "My name's Harry," he answered. "Harry Potter, son of James Potter."

    Demealla snickered sarcastically. "Young man, the human costume contest expired two days ago," the Zoroark told Harry kindly. "As did the plays that are based upon the books of which bear the titles that have your name written on them."

    "No...I really am Harry Potter," he retorted in a non-hostile way. "Just ask Regice, I can-" Harry suddenly realized the error in his previous sentences.

    Not only was it unwise and unintellegent to argue with such a dangerous group of captors, it could also attract Deviant's prescence, and anger the dangerous Pokemon which could motivate it into killing more innocent people.

    Demealla shook her head in pity. "You poor thing," she muttered. "You actually think you're Harry Potter?"

    The wizard remained silent, having no idea of what to say to the semi-compassionate Pokemon.

    "That's really sad," Demealla whispered sympathically. "Now I can understand why Deviant went to your nation and burned down your homes, it was a mercy kill. All of you were brainwashed into thinking that you were ficticious characters, and that the Wizarding World was real. Perhaps this was an experiment of Team Rocket, or Mewtwo is causing this?"

    Harry now felt a pulse of anger, and despite the petty nature of Demealla's words, he still wanted to argue the Zoroark's misinformed views.

    The wounded man was about to gain the impulse to yell at Demealla, but saw the shadow of a familar figure coming through another cave (this one being filled with purple-colored crystals, which were notched in a noticeable way).

    "Who's Team Rocket?" Harry asked, not really caring about the answer to his question. Demealla had a smile forming on her furry face, and was about to respond to the wizard's question before being struck by a large chunk of wood.

    Demealla crashed to the ground and fainted instantly, allowing Harry to stand up and run into the bizarre cave where Neville Longbottom was standing.

    "Thanks," Harry whispered cheerfully, also noticing an odd boy wearing a green shirt and grey shorts (along with glasses). "Who's this?"

    "Let's get out of this place," Neville interrupted Harry. "Before that thing wakes up and kills us..." Harry nodded and followed his friend, escaping the horrific dungeon that could have become his grave.


    Jimmy ran through the valley that Harry had just passed, occasionally looking behind himself to find Registeel chasing him from behind.

    Though its walking speed was slow, it seemed to do just fine while flying in the air.

    Wait a minute, Jimmy thought without slowing down. How is it flying?

    The Pokemon trainer focused on Registeel for a split-second, and saw that the metal-built Pokemon was flapping its arms like wings.

    It's too high for Typhlosion to hit, he said to himself as Registeel continued to raise its altitude. Jimmy returned his focus in the forward direction, and stumbled as Regirock shot out of the ground like a spinning top.

    "Go! Typhlosion!" Jimmy shouted, throwing a pokeball into the air. The spherical capsule opened up instantly, and sent Jimmy's starter Pokemon onto the dirt road.

    "Beedrill isn't strong enough to fight you," he whispered quietly. "But Typhlosion can handle you two jerks perfectly..."

    The dots on Regirock's face flashed wildly. "Chlap-Regggiiiii-ROCK?" the misguided legendary Pokemon grunted fiercly.

    "Typhlosion, use brick-break!" Jimmy ordered sternly. The bear/dog-looking Pokemon's hands glowed white, and slammed into Regirock with a force that nearly shook the ground.

    Regirock spun horizontally in response, and attempted to counter with a hyper beam. Typhlosion rolled out of the way, and made a sound that indicated confusion.

    "What's wro-" the Pokemon trainer asked before being interrupted by seeing Regirock completely missing its targets, hitting Registeel instead.

    Registeel plummeted to the ground in flames, crashing on top of Regirock as the red dots on its "face" dissapeared, as if the metal-built Pokemon had gone offline. Regirock stood up, pushing Registeel off of itself.

    Regirock remained still for a minute, staring mindlessly at Registeel. "aon! Cad atá déanta agam-REDDGGGIIIROCK!" the odd legendary Pokemon said, waving its arms around in the air dramatically.

    Regirock spun around and burrowed into the dirt, completely dissapearing from sight.

    "Baaayyoooonn?" Typhlosion said to Jimmy loudly. "I don't know," he replied slowly. "These guys are weird Pokemon. It's like they're robots or something..."

    Typhlosion inched closer to Registeel, and flipped it over, revealing its seemingly lifeless "face".

    "Baaakkk?" he said to Jimmy noisely. The Pokemon trainer stepped closer to the metal Pokemon shook his head. "Yeah...I think it's dead," Jimmy informed his Pokemon. "Well, let's keep searching for Har-"

    Registeel jumped to its feet and grabbed Jimmy just as the red dots on its face flared up and returned. "SSLAAABBBB-Registeel," it beeped with its florid watery voice, zapping Jimmy with its silver lightning in the process.


    Harry took a deep breath as he followed Neville out of the forest that Regice chased him through, smiling at the feeling of safety that had entered his mind.

    Despite the terrible events that had occurred here a few hours ago, it felt very good that he was able to escape the confinement that the terrifying iceberg Pokemon had placed him in.

    "So, you're name is Max?" Harry asked the young teenager that had been following Neville.

    Max nodded empathically with a wide smile on his face. "Yep," he replied. "And I'm so glad that I get to meet you in real life! Are you going to be a Pokemon trainer and become a gym leader like my dad too?"

    Harry stopped and squinted his left eye in confusion. "Wait...what? What do you mean by 'gym leader'?" the wizard asked, clearly perplexed by Max's words. Neville waved for Harry and Max to continue following him.

    "Harry...we've entered some kind of strange muggle world," Neville explained somberly. "When that thing called Deviant hit you with that energy blast, it opened some kind of portal that sent all the remaining wizards here to this strange dimension.

    "Apparently, these muggles think we're fictional characters from some kind of book and movie series." Max squealed in excitement after hearing Neville's words.

    "Can I be a wizard too?!" he peeped, trying to force himself to keep from screaming.

    "Sorry Max, but you're a muggle," Neville told him sadly. "Your body wasn't given that ability." Max looked at the ground out of sadness.

    "Neville...That thing that calls itself Deviant...Where did it come from?" Harry asked his friend.

    Neville looked up at the sky, and blinked a few times. "Someone in Hogwarts was trying to create a dragon as a gift for Professor McGonagal," he began bitterly.

    "They had all the right tools, all the correct potions...But they looked in the wrong place to find its soul.

    "The students opened up a portal to a planet where the souls of the dead congregate before they can begin their afterlives, and they found Deviant flying around in there.

    "At first they thought it was an oridinary mythical dragon, so they let it come to our world.

    "And after that, Deviant went ahead and burned our world to the ground. I don't who survived, but before I got here I saw that thing completely destroy Hogwarts."

    Harry crossed his arms and stared off into space. "Did anyone else survive?" Harry asked Neville quietly.

    "I saw Ginny and Hannah running off somewhere earlier," he answered. "I tried to follow them, but I was attacked by those robots that Max was talking about earlier."

    After Neville spoke his words, a trio of black spheres of ghostly matter appeared out of nowhere, and surrounded Harry, Max, and Neville.

    The designs of these beings appeared to be very simplistic, they were only black balls with faces which were surrounded by purple clouds of gas.

    "Gasssstllyyy...!" each of them giggled in an ominous pattern.

    "Where do you three think you're going?!" Demealla shouted from behind. Max and Harry turned around to face the Zoroark, who appeared to be furious with the wizard.

    "Wow...she's pretty for a Pokemon," Max whispered to Harry. "I wouldn't want to date her though..."

    Harry snorted in response. "Nobody would," he mumbled to Max. "Except Deviant..."

    Demealla turned around, and smiled as Jimmy flew over her head, and landed in front of Harry. "Where do you think you're going, Potter?" the Zoroark growled visciously.

    "I don't know what you and your boyfriend want," Harry snarled disgracefully. "But my friends and family aren't going to be your slaves."

    Demealla put her claws together, and leaned closer to the wizard. "Deviant and I want our child to have some friends to play with," she explained to Harry kindly.

    "That's why he wants you to become our pets. But if you want to go and run away, that's fine by m-"

    "Stupefy!" Neville shouted, waving his wand at the Zoroark.

    Once the red stream of light made contact with black fur on Demealla's chest, the Pokemon spun over backward and landed into Regirock just as it spun out of the dirt.

    "Alright then," she snarled at Neville. "You want of piece of me?" Harry glowered at Neville, feeling the urge to shove him. "Way to go, Neville!" Max said with pure sarcasm.

    Demealla waved her left hand to the side, and triggered the odd trio of ghost Pokemon to fly away.

    "Alright, asshole with the wooden stick..." the angered Pokemon began with her crude dialog. "You and I will have our little duel one-on-one. If your friends intervine-"

    Demealla snapped her "fingers", and triggered a young woman to appear out of a honeydew-pigmented vortex (which vanished less than a second after it was spawned).

    This girl had turquoise hair and blue eyes, while wearing a white coat with a pink undershirt.

    She also had grey/black shorts, along with odd shoes that seemed to have every possible hue that existed. "Well, if our fight is interrupted, this young lady will suffer a somewhat painful punishment..." the Zoroark finished.

    "Marina...?" Jimmy mumbled to himself. Harry gave Demealla a dirty look. "What are you going to do, kill her?"

    The Pokemon shook her head in response. "No, that's not how I do things," Demealla answered, sounding completely honest. "Regirock, Regice, and Registeel will decide her fate. However, your survival in this fight is not a guarantee."

    Neville pointed his wand at the Zoroark, while everyone else backed away. Demealla grinned with full anticipation "Let's do it!" she barked, lunging at Neville with an amazing speed.


    Crap, Neville thought to himself, rolling to the side while Demealla charged at him like a blood-thirsty demon. How do I fight this thing?!

    The Hogwarts professor could feel the sweat pouring down his face, trying to dodge every punch and slash that the Zoroark threw at him.

    The grin on Demealla's face hadn't vanished in the slightest, it was as if she was enjoying seeing Neville's rising sense of fear.

    Demealla suddenly stopped chasing Neville around the field, and put her hands together, creating a sphere of blue lightning between her claws.

    Neville pointed his wand at Demealla and felt his knees buckle as she discharged the ball of cyan-tinted energy. "Verdimillious!" he shouted, sending a green bolt at the sphere of lightning.

    Once the two ebodiments of power made contact with each other, a harlequin-colored explosion was created.

    Demealla quickly jumped through the smoke, and gave Neville an indispensably powerful sucker-punch aimed at his face.

    The professor flew over backwards, and smashed into the tree next to Jimmy. Before he could stand up, Neville roared in pain as the Zoroark grabbed him by the head, and dug her claws into his skull, sending blood pouring down his face.

    Demealla threw him at Regirock, and opened her mouth widely as she cackled insultingly. "She's too strong Neville!" Max shouted from far away. "You need to surrender or she'll seriously hurt you!"

    Screw that, he replied to Max through his thoughts. Neville attempted to stand, and instantly fell down. Why'd I fall down? I didn't slip on anything...

    Neville saw several broken blood-stained bones sticking out of the clothing on his left leg, and noticed that his knee was shattered completely.

    As he returned his focus to the Zoroark, he saw that Demealla's mouth was filled with violet/black light.

    "Depulso!" Neville bellowed, sending out several bolts of yellow-colored beams at the skilled Pokemon.

    The wizarding Professor blinked twice, and saw that the spell had expanded the attack that the Zoroark was preparing for him, making Neville feel as if his life was about to end.

    Demealla discharged the gigantic beam that she had been crafting, destroying everything in its path.

    Neville's eyes widened in horror as the twisted light consumed every single object in his vision, and without warning, his body was disintegrated.

    Last edited by Steelrush; 1st October 2011 at 10:19 PM. Reason: editing purposes

  8. #8
    Face of mercy? NOPE Yato's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Blog Entries

    Follow Yato on Tumblr

    Default Re: Excruciation

    Okay - the spacing is good and the content flow is okay. But here -
    She also had grey/black shorts, along with odd shoes that seemed to have every possible hue that existed. "Well, if our fight is interrupted, this young lady will suffer a somewhat painful punishment..." the Zoroark finished.
    "Marina...?" Jimmy mumbled to himself. Harry gave Demealla a dirty look. "What are you going to do, kill her?"
    The Pokemon shook her head in response. "No, that's not how I do things," Demealla answered, sounding completely honest. "Regirock, Regice, and Registeel will decide her fate. However, your survival in this fight is not a guarantee."

    I thought Harry, Neville, and Max were the only ones confronting Zoroark at that moment. Where did Jimmy appear?

    That's my only question. Apart from that, I don't have much to say XDD Nice work!

  9. #9
    Ambitious Creator
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    A wonderful place
    Blog Entries
    Follow Steelrush On Twitter Add Steelrush on Facebook Add Steelrush on MySpace
    Add Steelrush on Linkedin Follow Steelrush on Tumblr Follow Steelrush on Flickr Visit Steelrush's Youtube Channel

    Default Re: Excruciation

    Registeel threw Jimmy into the forest, and he went flying over the Zoroark. That might have been a little hard to notice at first though-

  10. #10
    Ambitious Creator
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    A wonderful place
    Blog Entries
    Follow Steelrush On Twitter Add Steelrush on Facebook Add Steelrush on MySpace
    Add Steelrush on Linkedin Follow Steelrush on Tumblr Follow Steelrush on Flickr Visit Steelrush's Youtube Channel

    Default Re: Excruciation

    Chapter 4: The Zoroark's Servant

    A/N:(In this chapter, a character from Beast Machines will make his appearance)

    "Swimmer in Undella town: Did you come here to see Cynthia in her swimsuit?"

    Demealla kneeled at the sight of Neville Longbottom's body transforming into a ivory-hued crystal statue, and smiled at Harry Potter and his new friends that were staring at him.

    You've gotta be kidding me, Demealla snickered in a quirky way. "What's so funny?" Harry said out of the blue. Demealla looked up at the wizard and shook her head out of pity.

    "I was toying with Longbottom the whole time and I have already won," she muttered as if she was giving Neville her pity. "You poor men are so misguided, but despite this, my child still needs human friends of some kind-"

    Regirock suddenly fired a hyper beam at Harry, and narrowly missed, destroying the illusion of Marina instead.

    "You moron!" she screamed as she landed a powerful punch into the back of boulder-made Pokemon's "head", causing it to collapse on the ground. Demealla looked up to see the humans running away from the scene, dragging the crystalized Neville with them.

    "The next time Mew puts you in jail," the Zoroark whispered to Regirock. "I'm not helping you get out." Demealla sighed miserably once the humans completely dissapeared from sight, and felt a small prick of regret, feeling as if she could never get her son the friends that he desired.


    Later that night, Demealla arrived to Olivine City, and saw her child chasing around a tennis ball near Glitter Lighthouse. Demealla looked up to see the stars that surrounded the full moon, and felt a small improvement added to her mood.

    "Hey Peppy," she said calmly, causing the Zorua to lose interest in the green ball that he was chasing. "Momma...?" he whispered gently.

    Demealla's son rushed over to her at a quick speed, and jumped into her arms, smothering his face in her fur. "Momma!" he cheered repeatidly. The Zoroark stroked the hair on Peppy's head, and sighed with a calm sense of peace within her heart.

    "I know it's only been a day," he said, accendently shouting. "But I missed you a lot! I was getting so lonely..." The Zoroark was suddenly surprised at Peppy's words.

    "Why?" she asked kindly. Peppy pointed his nose at a peculair object covered in the shadows of the night. "That robot who was supposed to watch me...He went ran away," the Zorua informed her with a sad tone.

    "I'm sorry about that gym-girl, BUT I DON'T CARE!" a smarmy, robotic male voice said from above. "Go take the ugly metal snake of yours AND GET OUT OF HERE!"

    Demealla blinked twice and made eye-contact with Peppy. "Is that what he's been doing all day?" she inquired in a kind way.

    "...Yelling at Jasmine?" Peppy nodded politely, looking up at the night sky once again.

    "My name is JETSTORM! NOT SILVERBOLT!" the machine bellowed in the sky.

    "Very nice talking to you, BOULDER BRAIN!" he finished, hovering downward in order to face Peppy and Demealla.

    Though the shadows of the night still covered him, the glare of his red "eyes" could still be seen.

    "Good evening fox-woman? What can I do for you and your little baby here?" the robotic entity greeted, clearly trying to prevent himself from sounding rude.

    Demealla punched Jetstorm in the "stomach" area with her right arm (while still holding Peppy with her left), creating a large dent in his body and sending him flying backwards into the Olivine gym.

    "I'm not paying for that...!" he groaned in pain, pointing to the damaged parts of the gym's exterior.

    "You were supposed to be watching my son today," the Zoroark growled furiously. "Not arguing with that teenage girl who runs the gym!"

    Jetstorm freed himself from the broken pieces of the gym's sign, and crashed to the ground before he could continue floating in the air once again.

    "Sorry boss, I just DON'T LIKE HAVING KIDS SNOOPING AROUND MY BRAIN!" the transformer apologized sarcastically.

    "Whatever," Demealla grunted disdainfully. "I have another directive for you now, I want you to go into that forest where the Regi's were hunting through earlier. If you find a man who is impersonating Harry Potter, blow him up and bring his burnt body to me..."

    The transformer made a noise that sounded like a high-pitched squeal. "Oh, and Jetstorm?" Demealla said, turning her back to him.

    "Next time, I'd appreciate it if you actually watched Peppy from now on whenever I'm away."

    "YES MA'AM!" he yelled in response, transforming into his aircraft vehicle-mode, and flying away faster than the mythical Pokemon known as Latios.

    "Momma, did Jetstorm visit Brock's youtube channel?" Peppy asked politely.


    Harry gazed at the stars while Max continually poked at the crystalline statue that was once Neville Longbottom, and took a deep breath as Jimmy watched his Typhlosion play with the Pokegear.

    "Is Neville dead...?" Max asked Harry, his voice trembling with intense fear. Harry turned around and took a closer look at pile of crystal (which glowed lime-green in the dark).

    Neville's clothing now appeared to be part of his "skin", which was now jagged and distorted beyond basic recognition.

    The front of his head no longer appeared to be a face, but rather a trio of long pointed needles, while his limbs had close resemblance to this pattern.

    The former wizardry professor's upper and lower body had little similitude to a human torso, although the shape remained in a recognizible state.

    "Don't panic Max," Harry told the young teenager.

    "This sort of thing happens a lot in my world, I'm sure we can fix him up." Max groaned unhappily, and sat on the grass next to Jimmy.

    "I'm just bummed because I'm going to turn thirteen next week," Max explained to Harry. "And I wanted to bring Neville with me..."

    Suddenly, a duo of amber-colored bolts struck the trees behind the two, causing Jimmy and Typhlosion to jump to their feet.

    "Why don't we have your party tonight BIRTHDAY BOY?" an odd voice echoed from above, emerging from a nearby city.

    Harry opened his eyes and saw an azure-colored anthropological robotic machine floating in the air above him.

    This machine appeared to be some sort of airborne vehicle with an ambiguous humanoid figure.

    The odd mechanism had a sleek bipedal appearance, having a thin long torso that matched its pointed head, which sported blood-red eyes that had a somewhat homicidal glow to them.

    Its arms appeared as if they had more length than the rest of its body, and bore large claw-like hands, both having two fingers with one thumb underneath them.

    This machine didn't have any legs, and appeared to have an extremely lengthened needle-like abdomen to make up for that.

    "Hidely ho, bolt-face! Having a good time pretending to be SOMEONE THAT ISN'T REAL?" the robot yelled at Harry.

    Oh great, Harry muttered in his mind. "What do you want?" the wizard grumbled fiercly.

    "The boss got pissed that you didn't want to play with her kid, so she sent me here to kill you!" the machine replied cheerfully. "THAT SHOULD BE LOTS OF FUN!"

    Max glared at the robot, and slowly stepped closer to him.

    "You're not going to do that!" he shouted, throwing out a Pokeball into the air. The spherical device opened up, and sent a Ralts onto the grassy platform.

    "You want a Pokemon battle, do you? Go! Skarmory!" the machine-like entity retorted, throwing a black Pokeball in Max's direction.

    Max's facial expression suddenly changed into one that indicated fear once the metal bird emerged from its storage container, and charged at his small Pokemon.

    Harry took a glance at Jimmy and Typhlosion, who were also watching the feud occuring before their eyes. "Do you know who that thing is?" Harry whispered to Jimmy.

    "That's Jetstorm," he replied, nodding slowly. "He and his brother Thrust were transformers who died during a war, and then some Mew came over to their planet and brought their parts here. But I don't know how they fixed themselves..."

    Harry jumped out of the way as Jetstorm's Skarmory lunged at him, and grabbed Raltz in its claws.

    "Alright, now shock that little twerp!" Jetstorm barked. Ralts squealed in pain as it struggled to escape, and screamed once the Skarmory threw it into the back of a Pokemart.

    "Ralts! Use hidden power!" Max ordered, fighting the urge to panic.

    Ralts' eyes turned red, and fired out an amber stream of light that missed the Skarmory completely. Jetstorm laughed sarcastically and shook his head out of pity.

    "Alright Skarmory, give that thing a drill-peck!" Jetstorm shouted gracefully. The Skarmory's head was covered with a white glow, lighting up the dark areas on the steel covered bird's body.

    "Ralts, get out of the way! NOW!" Max screamed, almost causing Harry's ears to implode. Skarmory thrusted its beak into Ralts' torso, and sent it flying back over to Max with blood covered all over its body.

    Ralts hit Max in the chest, and knocked him over backwards into the dirt that Typhlosion was sitting on. "Alright, now finish it with a sky-drop!" the machine told his Pokemon.

    Jetstorm's Skarmory screeched in excitement, and took a dive at Ralts with a hungry look in its eyes.

    Harry watched the gigantic bird approach them rapidly, and streched out his left arm, hoping that he could use his power without his wand.

    Before he could react, a stream of orange/red fire (which came from Typhlosion) enveloped the robot's Pokemon, and sent it flying into the outer wall of Olivine City.


    Jetstorm turned around, and pointed his black Pokeball at Skarmory, sending it back into the device.

    After returning his Pokemon into its container, the transformer faced Jimmy, and glared at him furiously.

    "Okay then," he growled fiercly. "If you two want to play that way, then I'll just take you out MYSELF!"

    The transformer pointed his wrist-mounted cannons at Jimmy, but was engulfed by a volley of fire from Jimmy's friend. "AAGGGH! Help, HELP!" Jetstorm wailed in hysteria.

    The robotic entity panicked in mid-air, flying away towards the adjacent mountains, and crashed into the rocky formation on the other side of the city. "Loser..." Jimmy muttered under his breath.
    Last edited by Steelrush; 16th October 2011 at 08:07 PM.

  11. #11
    Face of mercy? NOPE Yato's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Blog Entries

    Follow Yato on Tumblr

    Default Re: Excruciation

    So transformer-ish robots are also included? hmm, I guess the addition was smoothly done, but maybe a little more visual description on the battles last battle including Typhlosion could have made it more epic XDD Typhlosion being the one to send the robot flying, if the details had more impact it would've been awesome


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts