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    I'm A Bit-I Mean Witch Capricious Equilibrium's Avatar
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    Default Divine Anarchy

    Divine Anarchy

    Prologue



    The maze-like, tree ridden and bug infested Viridian Forest was usually ominously silent, but this was not true today.

    As today, many a scream came from a small, pink feline Pokemon. While it was located in a small hidden clearing in the forest, the deafening sound could be heard for at least half a mile in every direction.

    Tenabrae entered the clearing, which was concealed by trees as thick as an Aggron's skull. It was an unimpressive place for a legendary Pokemon to live. The grass was the same as the rest of the forest's. An emerald green. The only natural notable thing was that during midday, the time it was now, the sun was directly above the clearing, leaving no shadows.

    At the middle of the clearing, Tenabrae saw what she had came here for. In a metal cage, mostly surrounded by young adults in midnight purple get-ups, was the New Species Pokemon.

    Mew.

    The ancestor of all Pokemon was certainly overwhelmingly cute. But Tenabrae knew that this creature was extremely powerful, armed with many moves.

    "I see you dimwitted dunces have finally done a job right. This certainly makes up for the incident with Heatran at Reversal Mountain." She said in her usual ominous tone.

    "But madam!" One grunt intervened, obviously nervous. "But all the escape of Heatran did was revert Reversal Mountain from the lava state to its natural, water-filled state."

    The young leader stepped towards the grunt. Tenebrae's blonde hair and bright blue eyes didn't look like those of a cold-blooded ring leader. She unleashed her Houndoom duo. The canine Pokemon, who were black as the void of space, were adorned with bones. This and the orange only added to their hellish look, and their sharp horns was the cherry on top.

    At this point, sweat was dripping down the grunt's forehead. He knew what happens to those who pester Tenabrae. And the burns weren't pretty.

    She stepped ever nearer to the grunt, until she was in his face. The words that followed that wouldn't be pretty. To most.

    "I am warning you now." Tenabrae growled. "You dare go against me again, no matter how big or little, I shall let my darlings do their worst. After this, she walked back where she let the dogs out. She crouched down and pet its forehead, then glared at the grunt.

    "Hound!!" "Doom!" The duet cried out.

    "Darlings, look at the little Mew over there? Such a big, bad legend, yeah?" Tenabrae laughed.

    The two Houndoom raced over to the cage, where Mew had stopped screaming, at least for a while. They howled and barked, snarled and roared. The poor Mew flinched. Then suddenly, the Houndoom both flung their heads back, and upon flinging them forwards, unleashed a stream of fire.

    Unfortunately, the attempt at making Mew unconscious hadn't worked to full extent.

    "Mew!" It cried, as it whipped up a sudden Blizzard. Heavy snow blanketed the forest as powerful winds blasted ice in the faces of its targets.

    Mew slammed into the now brittle bars of the cage, which gave way. It flew up, and out of the mass Blizzard's radius. It looked back. All it could see was a cylinder of storm clouds, where Blizzard came from. Mew giggled. Finely, some laughter. The way it used Blizzard, unlike other Pokemon, was mostly an escape technique than the powerful attack it is meant to be. Silly humans. Mew was extremely resourceful.

    At the same time, melancholy filled its heart. Mew knew it would have to find a new place, away from those weird people. No. People who hurt Pokemon on purpose aren't weird. Weird can be good. They're evil.

    After a few hours, trying to fly as fast as a Mew could, it found a tiny island. Far away from even the closest region, Hoenn. It descended, and flopped in the very tall grass. It obscured vision of the sky, which was good. Those nuts wouldn't find it. Not here. Not on its Faraway Island.
    _______________________________________________________________________________

    Hi guys! This is the prologue of the fic I've been planning for a while. I like the plot of this one, as it tends to balance between light and dark in future chapters. I don't like uggghhhh depression or yaaaaaay cheeriness, so this one has my attention. Sorry for the lack of action. It's just to introduce Tenabrae and her minions. Not fully, but enough to get a grip on the plot important villain, Tenabrae. While I've left her motives in the dark, I'm sure from the title and Heatran hunting reference are enough to bring some light.

    Please don't hold back with the critiques! I need them to grow as an fic writer, as a flower needs water and sunlight.

    Should be updated soon! Bye!

    And don't let Tenabrae snatch your newly caught Zygarde!
    Last edited by Capricious Equilibrium; 11th January 2014 at 03:53 PM.

  2. #2
    Less cute in person Beth Pavell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divine Anarchy

    It's not a bad introduction. Your technical accuracy is good, good grammar, no malapropisms. What did strike me was the slightly inconsistent tone in the language. I'll show you what I mean:

    Mew new it would have to find a new place, away from these weird people. These evil people
    It looks a bit odd, to my mind, to use the word "weird" (Not especially bad), to be followed by "evil" (The worst kind of thing to be). It's almost like ... how can I put this ... it might well be an accurate description, but the tone felt a little off. I know I'm not making a lot of sense. Here's another example of what I mean:

    The canine Pokemon, who were black as the void of space, were adorned with bones. This and the orange only added to their hellish look, and their sharp horns was the cherry on top.
    If this was from Tenebrae's perspective I could understand the lighthearted "cherry on top" bit. From this narrator's perspective it kind of detracts from the menace of the Houndoom.

    By and large though, this is a decent prologue!
    The Long Walk
    For Joshua Cook, it's a long walk away from his dull life to the Pokémon League. But does he really want to be the very best? A coming-of-age story of adventure, friendship and growing up in the world of Pokémon.


    Pavell's Scribbledegook Week XX - Chapter Titles

  3. #3
    I'm A Bit-I Mean Witch Capricious Equilibrium's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divine Anarchy

    Quote Originally Posted by Pavell View Post
    It's not a bad introduction. Your technical accuracy is good, good grammar, no malapropisms. What did strike me was the slightly inconsistent tone in the language. I'll show you what I mean:



    It looks a bit odd, to my mind, to use the word "weird" (Not especially bad), to be followed by "evil" (The worst kind of thing to be). It's almost like ... how can I put this ... it might well be an accurate description, but the tone felt a little off. I know I'm not making a lot of sense. Here's another example of what I mean:

    The canine Pokemon, who were black as the void of space, were adorned with bones. This and the orange only added to their hellish look, and their sharp horns was the cherry on top.
    If this was from Tenebrae's perspective I could understand the lighthearted "cherry on top" bit. From this narrator's perspective it kind of detracts from the menace of the Houndoom.

    By and large though, this is a decent prologue!
    Thank you for the critique. Greatly appreciated. Like, tons.

    The 'weird people' to 'evil person' is due to Mew changing its mind. It found them weird, but thought 'evil' suited them better. I suck at explaining sometimes. I'm surprised that you didn't pick out 'Mew new' instead of 'Mew knew', and 'these' instead of 'those', but you pointed out the main error, so thank you.

    As for cherry on top... Tenabrae finds Houndoom cute, as do I. It was just to rub off a piece of her personality onto the story, though I guess it's a bit confusing.

    All in all, thank you very much, the critique was extremely appreciated.

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    Some Random Dude Wild Jr.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Divine Anarchy

    Good intro, I'd like to see where this is going
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  5. #5
    Less cute in person Beth Pavell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divine Anarchy

    Quote Originally Posted by Fabulous Phantump View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Pavell View Post
    It's not a bad introduction. Your technical accuracy is good, good grammar, no malapropisms. What did strike me was the slightly inconsistent tone in the language. I'll show you what I mean:



    It looks a bit odd, to my mind, to use the word "weird" (Not especially bad), to be followed by "evil" (The worst kind of thing to be). It's almost like ... how can I put this ... it might well be an accurate description, but the tone felt a little off. I know I'm not making a lot of sense. Here's another example of what I mean:

    The canine Pokemon, who were black as the void of space, were adorned with bones. This and the orange only added to their hellish look, and their sharp horns was the cherry on top.
    If this was from Tenebrae's perspective I could understand the lighthearted "cherry on top" bit. From this narrator's perspective it kind of detracts from the menace of the Houndoom.

    By and large though, this is a decent prologue!
    Thank you for the critique. Greatly appreciated. Like, tons.

    The 'weird people' to 'evil person' is due to Mew changing its mind. It found them weird, but thought 'evil' suited them better. I suck at explaining sometimes. I'm surprised that you didn't pick out 'Mew new' instead of 'Mew knew', and 'these' instead of 'those', but you pointed out the main error, so thank you.

    As for cherry on top... Tenabrae finds Houndoom cute, as do I. It was just to rub off a piece of her personality onto the story, though I guess it's a bit confusing.

    All in all, thank you very much, the critique was extremely appreciated.
    Er. I should have noticed those errors too, my bad. It should be "Prologue", by the way.

    Having description told from a character's perspective is fine, just be sure to make it clear whose perspective it is, and when that changes. Your edit, taking a quick look, seems to clear that up. Keep going, like I said, it's a decent prologue!
    The Long Walk
    For Joshua Cook, it's a long walk away from his dull life to the Pokémon League. But does he really want to be the very best? A coming-of-age story of adventure, friendship and growing up in the world of Pokémon.


    Pavell's Scribbledegook Week XX - Chapter Titles

  6. #6
    I'm A Bit-I Mean Witch Capricious Equilibrium's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divine Anarchy

    Chapter I

    What's This!? The Contest for an Unknown Target!


    The crowd roared as a voice announced that the Unova Grand Festival was about to start off. This did nothing to soothe Tenabrae's nerves. She had to keep on thinking of all that her mission was for. For her father. For her mother. For those who the ones above destroyed. She couldn't afford too fail. But her inner coordinator's heart was pounding. Of all the places one of her targets could've appeared, it just had to conflict with Tenabrae's personal life.

    Before long, she and her fellow competitors had been ushered out onto the stage. She felt under dressed compared to all those who also strived for the title of Top Coordinator. A simple black night dress, matching black heels and her hair in a messy bun. Others were in clothes that looked like fairytale royalty. Some were in suits and more formal dresses. But they were all going down. As well as the Ribbon Cup, whoever won got to spend the day with one of the judges, who owned a... special Pokemon.

    After a boring as heck introduction, which Tenabrae couldn't care less about, the appeal order was determined. Tenabrae's was sixth out of fourty eight. Blame the small numbers on Unova's location, as it was far from the two regions that pioneered Tenabrae's favorite pastime. She and all the other coordinators-not counting the one gal involved in the first appeal, who was escorted away-were dragged to the blandest room the evil team leader ever saw. All white. Floor. Walls. Ceiling. Furniture. The only thing not white in there was the TV screen, and the outside world from the windows.

    This may have been the second worst part of the whole thing. The worst part? Tenabrae couldn't even use her Houndoom. Alas, the rules said two Pokemon of the same species without significant gender differences couldn't compete, even in separate rounds.. How cruel would Tenabrae be if she let one baby perform and the other not?

    After about a half-hour, it was Tenebrae's turn to dazzle the audience. She was led out to a big room with chaotic colors, like a group of Smeargle found caffeine. Again, she reminded herself of the mission. Her passion. If she failed, who will her team react? She'd fail the ones she loved. If she let her passion and mission mix, she knew she'd fail. Tenabrae needed to be a lean, mean contest machine.

    "Ladies and gentlemen!" The announcer's annoyingly perky voice yelled, met with the not really needed applause of the audience. "Please welcome former Lumiose City gym leader, Miss Tenabrae Espoir!"

    Tenabrae ran out of the room, and was met with applause like an explosion. Not really special. Everyone gets it.

    She twirled as she threw two capsule covered Poke Balls, which released two Pokemon in a shower of huge ebony hearts.

    "As silent as a predator about to strike, Tenabrae unleashes her Bisharp and Absol with a beautiful Heart Seal D!"

    Tenabrae looked at the two sharp Pokemon. She loved them deeply, but they had do be perfect, or otherwise they'd both be, along with their trainer, a disappointment.

    "Bisharp! Absol! Swords Dance!" The dark youth commanded.

    Absol's blade-like horn and Bisharp's sharp claws were all surrounded in a purple aura, which was scarily sharp.

    "You two! Hit it! Or should I say... each other!"

    A gasp came from nearly everyone in the room. Had she really ordered her Pokemon to hit each other?

    Tenabrae smiled, as her Bisharp's claws came in contact with Absol's horn. Instead of damaging the elegant feline Pokemon, it left off a wave of purple sparks and sparkles. While they didn't gasp, the judges were certainly shocked by this technique.

    The two continued to 'fight' furiously for at least a good ten seconds, before Tenabrae again commanded the two. By that time, Bisharp had grabbed onto Absol's horn, which had caused constant sparking.

    "Absol! Fling Bisharp into the air! And then... it's time!" She cried, hoping that the appeal would be good enough to allow a win.

    As told, Absol flung Bisharp as high as it could, nearing the extremely high roof. As it fell, Bisharp started doing front flips.

    Tenabrae focused on her bond with Absol, trying to make her love into power. The stone in a previously hidden necklace shined a brilliant white light, which then turned into tendril-like energy that flew towards similar, yet somewhat more beautiful, stone on an anklet around Absol's ankle.

    "What!? What is this?!" The announcer gasped, his voice filled of curiosity.

    The light flooded the whole arena, everyone's sight obscured. It cleared in a matter of a second or so, revealing a now angelic Absol, with a multi color sign above its head. Its horn was still surrounded in aura, but was now a bit curved. Hair covered a bit of its face, and fur stuck out to make wing-like additions. In the short time, Bisharp was now near Absol-level.

    "It's the beauty which sprouts from a connection of hearts! From my love for Absol! That beauty is power! That power is Mega Evolution! Let's show off our powerful beauty! Bisharp, use Guillotine!" Tenabrae announced, shocking the crowd once again.

    Bisharp dove through the colorful sign, its purple aura-surrounded claws now absorbing the colors. It was in a position where its face was looking at the tip of Absol's horn, and could've been impaled by it if hadn't shut down on it extremely hard. This caused rainbow waves to resonate from the site of the collision. Despite such a powerful collision, neither Pokemon seemed hurt. Or at least didn't show it. Bisharp jumped out of its current position, and bowed when its trainer and Absol curtsied.

    There was silence. Not waiting for any words, Tenabrae walked out after sending her Pokemon back into their Poke Balls, back to the boring room. Where she was also met with silence and stares.

    Except one.

    "Hi." One male voice said. "Such a beautiful performance."

    She turned. The boy's skin was a lot darker than Tenabrae's own. That's what Tenabrae liked about Unova and Kalos. People of all different skin colors were accepted, equals. Equality. That's what Tenabrae stood for.

    His wonderful jade eyes met Tenabrae's own.

    "But risking your Pokemon like that... I wouldn't say that's the best way to do it."

    This put a bit of anger through Tenabrae. She knew what she was doing. Did she? Yes. She did.

    "I balanced that risk with precautions and care, buddy." Tenabrae growled through gritted teeth, trying to keep it in. "And my Pokemon knew what they were doing."

    "How do you know that?" Tenabrae's new 'buddy' replied.

    "Because..."

    "Exactly." The boy shook his head.

    "Don't be selfish. You shouldn't risk them like that, especially with sharp knives, little girl. I know you're a show off, with all that fancy Absol trick, but still. It's not an excuse to abuse them like that." He chided. Although it was probably just his opinion, he pushed all of Tenabrae's buttons in a way someone couldn't purposely do. Most from being called selfish and a show off, but being called a 'little girl' by someone in their mid teens, at least eight years junior to Tenabrae.

    Tenabrae didn't reply. She stormed to a chair and flopped into it. She wasn't selfish, wasn't she? True, she and her underlings had badly harmed Mew a few weeks ago, a few days after Tenabrae got her fifth Unova Ribbon... But it was a Legendary Pokemon. One of those 'Too Holy for Thou' demons. Divine pains in the Feebas. It was them who left Absol for dead, not her. She took Absol in. That made her the good guy, right? Dishing out pain to those who caused it, balancing the universe? Legendary Pokemon were too strong. Too ignorant. Evil, even. They upset the balance. Mega Evolution, which is apparently now showing off, is one way of balancing the scales. But the Mega Evolution energy may of hurt Bisharp... Or what if Guillotine hurt Absol? She must check on them later.

    She would've checked on them right now, if she hadn't released her two Houndoom. They both gazed up at her with their adorable hellish eyes. They always made Tenabrae happy. The brother and sister duo to end all duos. Always protective of her, but sometimes they were too hotheaded. Both also reminded Tenabrae of her first Pokemon. Their mother. Their late mother. Who never lived to see the younger one's first birthday. Another thing to blame on the true selfish beings.

    She felt a gentle tap on her shoulder, both Houndoom going from relaxed to ready.

    It was a small girl in a pretty pink dress, easily around the age Tenabrae was when she first journeyed out. She looked breathtakingly similar to the boy from before.

    "I'm sorry for Iggy." The little girl apologized. "My brother means well, but he's very passionate."

    "Apology accepted. I can get a bit passionate myself, though not like that." Not telling the little girl she let out her passion by making people fake permanent burns. Just to see them failing at acting. Humiliated. Better than such bad pain. Was that selfish... Well... Maybe...

    "He was part of a group of people who wanted to liber-" The girl started, but was cut out by an announcement of who was advancing to the next round.

    Both the girl and her douche brother were on the board, as was Tenabrae and twenty one other people. Had both performed after Tenabrae? Both before? One after and one before? Tenebrae didn't know. Maybe she was too busy wrapped up and... being selfish. The others watched hers, right? She could've returned the favor. Maybe even learned some of her foes' styles.

    Her thoughts were the second thing to be interrupted, as the match-ups were shown. The little girl was on the other side of the board from Tenabrae. And this 'Iggy'...

    Was Tenabrae's first opponent.

    Maybe this is what she needed. Her anger could fuel her up to beat Iggy, beat whoever came after and nab the Ribbon Cup and the day with the judge.

    And her target.

    _______________________________________________________________________________

    Chapter I, right here! It's mostly exploring Tenabrae's personality, and some things she likes. Also putting in a rival or two, and her questioning her own morales.

    Sorry for the lack of Bisharp/Absol personality and little of it for the Houndoom duo. I promise the Pokemon shall get focus in the future. Decided to have a nice little break from actually seeing a legend. Next chapter will be up soon, and probably also devoid of a legendary appearance, though there may be a mention or two.

    Please share your opinions, it'll be greatly appreciated.

    Thanks for reading, and have a good day/night!
    Last edited by Capricious Equilibrium; 11th January 2014 at 06:15 PM.

  7. #7
    I'm A Bit-I Mean Witch Capricious Equilibrium's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divine Anarchy

    Chapter 2

    A Fairy-ley Close Battle!

    AN: If you haven't already read it, Chapter I is above. I'm uploading these things too fast, aren't I? =_=


    Tenabrae just stared at the Mega Locket, wondering what she did to deserve it. She had it rewarded to her during a tournamet versus all the other Kalos Gym Leaders. If fate hadn't intervened and Tenabrae ended up fighting Korrina or Valerie, she knew she would've lost.

    "C'mon Iggy!" A sweet voice shouted, trying to be heard over the louder noises in the room.

    "Be quiet! Isabel, I'm trying to watch the battle!" Iggy, Tenabrae's new 'friend' replied.

    "But your battle with Tenabrae is next! You haven't even picked your Pokemon yet!" Isabel chided. Tenabrae had a feeling she was the more level headed of the two.

    "Of course I have." Iggy corrected his little sister. "And trust me, this'll be fun."

    Tenabrae stopped listening to the conversation there, and looked at the Poke Balls in her hand. Both Pokemon were strong, but had their flaws. Tenabrae knew that Iggy meant business. Tenabrae needed to defeat him for her mission! Why was she so nervous!?

    "If... Mister Iggy and Madame Tenabrae please follow me to the stage please." A young woman said, appearing at the doorway. Tenabrae snapped out of her moping, and walked over to her. The assistant's hair was brown, with matching eyes. Not the worst looker.

    Iggy then strolled up, and Tenabrae tried to ignore his glaring. How could such a sweet little girl like Isabel be related to Mr Self Righteous?

    They were lead to two different rooms, Tenabrae back in the chaotic room.

    She needed to settle down. Too nervous. Don't let the inner coordinator be scared. She took a deep breath, and ran out upon hearing the announcer.

    "Ladies and Gentlemen! Mr Iggy Orchid and Madame Tenabrae Espoir!" He roared out, with the crowd going wild.

    Both coordinators ran onto stage, ready for a fierce battle.

    "Sableye! Aurorus! Out of the shadows!"

    Tenabrae unleashed her Pokemon, both with Fire Seals on their Poke Balls. A giant blue fire ball lit on the ground, which blew away revealing a purple gremlin Pokemon with gems for eyes, and a blue dinosaur with magnificent rainbow sails.

    "Gardevoir! Gallade! Shine your light!"

    Iggy released his Pokemon, both green humanoids who were cloaked in red fire thanks to their seals. Coincidence? Fate? Tenabrae didn't care what. She was going to win!

    "We're off to a fiery start! Literally!" The announcer joked, with minimal laughter. "With five minutes on the board, and both coordinators with full points, let's start!

    "Let's show them a real Swords Dance, Gallade!" Iggy shouted, making sure to rub it in Tenabrae's face. Younger or not, Tenabrae was going to slap this kid.

    Gallade spun, and the flames came off of the Psychic/Fighting-Type's body. A familiar purple aura surrounded Gallade's blades, but they sunk into Gallade's skin. Tenabrae lost a few points for this.

    "Sableye! Run up Aurorus' neck and jump! After that, use Rock Polish, Aurorus!" The dark youth screamed, ready to beat Iggy.

    Sableye did as told, and jumped onto Aurorus' back, then ran up and jumped again, off Aurorus' head. Aurorus then shined with a dim light that got brighter every second.

    "Gardevoir, use Moonblast on Aurorus!" Iggy commanded, seeing part of Tenabrae's strategy. But not enough.

    Gardevoir put both her hands up in the air, like she just didn't care, and a ball of white energy resembling the moon appeared between them. It grew until it was about as big as Gardevoir herself, and was launched towards her foes.

    "Aurorus, face the opposite direction! Sableye, land on Aurorus' head and use Mirror Coat!"

    Rapidly, thanks to Rock Polish, Aurorus looked away from the two Kirlia evolutions. Sableye landed on Aurorus' head, but slid down. Its body was surrounded by a mostly transparent pink aura, and Sableye collided with Moonblast. Moonblast was rapidly sent back, and the combination of sliding down Aurorus and reflecting Moonblast got a good amount of points off of Iggy.

    "Gallade, hit it back with Psycho Cut!"

    As the attack approached Iggy's Pokemon with break neck pace, Gallade's blades extended and turned purple for a split second, before becoming a baby blue. It smacked the attack, careful not to slice it, and it went back towards Tenabrae's side faster than a hyper Monferno.

    "Gardevoir, accelerate with Psychic!" Iggy commanded, trying to make this go as fast as possible.

    Gardevoir's chest horn changed from red to blue, as did her eyes. A blast of pink energy emerged from it, which surrounded Moonblast and as thought, accelerated it. Tenabrae's points went down, putting her at a few points lower than Iggy.

    "Aurorus! Use Hyper Beam!"

    The Rock/Ice Pokemon, who by now had turned around, flung its head back. It tried to anchor itself to the ground as a purple orb appeared in its maw. Its eyes glowed a brilliant blue before it jerked its head forwards, resulting in a purple beam with icy chunks around it being sent towards the Moonblast. However, Aurorus was pushed back as the beam continued.

    The Refrigerate-affected Hyper Beam made contact with Moonblast, which popped like a pimple, unleashing pink explosions. Iggy was at roughly half his points, Tennabrae at roughly five eights of hers. The whole Moonblast shenanigan and everything before it had whittled the match down to a little under two minutes.

    Iggy realized he had to step up his game. "Gardevoir, jump on top of Gallade, and use your power to gently spin on top of his crest! Gallade, Misty Terrain!"

    The Psychic Fairy jumped onto Gallade's crest in a position inspired by Tenabrae's antics in her appeal, but she used her powers to levitate slightly above it, and spun. Gallade's eyes and chest horn glowed a vivid pink, before mist emitted from the red chest horn. Soon, the floor of the stage was coated by a pink mist.

    "Aurorus, use Blizzard!" Tenbrae yelled, trying to break up the strategy.

    A single storm cloud spawned in behind Aurorus, with snow and ice violently going around Sableye and Aurorus and attacking Gallade and Garevoir. Iggy's points were now at about three eights, but Gardevoir was still spinning.

    "Gardevoir, use Psychic on the Blizzard and Misty Terrain while continuing to spin!"

    Gardevoir's eyes and horn again became blue, with the mist, ice and snow surrounded by pink. It rose, becoming a cylinder around the two Psychic-Types.

    Tenabrae got a bitter memory of another attack looking like that technique, but this distracted her. The cylinder was going extremely fast, and Iggy must have ordered something, as it was sent out as a violent wind across the whole battlefield, which seemed to do quite a lot of damage to Tenabrae's Pokemon.

    "Time!" The announcer shouted.

    Had it been five minutes? No way. But looking at the clock, Tenabrae discovered it in fact had been.

    "And the winner is... by only a handful of points, Madame Tenabrae Espoir!"

    Tenabrae looked at the board. It definitely was a close one. Too little, too late. Iggy stormed out the room, while the audience clapped for Tenabrae before she walked back to the bland room.

    She nearly lost. Nearly failed. Nearly ruined her mission. Not just this one. The big mission.

    Sitting beside Isabel, who talked about her great the match between Tenabrae and Iggy was, she watched the matches. She watched as Isabel walked out, and watched as she won her match with her Raichu and Azumarill. She was good. She focused on the cuteness of her Pokemon. Brought it out. That girl was one to watch for.

    All the first round battles had passed, and twenty four became twelve.

    Before long, she was called to her next battle, but bumped right into a changed Iggy. He wore a blue jacket and blue jeans, with matching trainers. Huh. He must not like blue.

    "Good luck." He said in a somewhat, but not too bitter voice, as he walked towards the audience seating.

    Tenabrae's next match, where she used Umbreon and Absol (no Mega Evolution however), was against a Black Belt using Machamp and Conkeldurr. He obviously didn't plan out combinations, which showed. It felt like a blur, ending in a vicotry for the Dark-Type enthusiast. Tenabrae was relieved a bit.

    After a few more boring battles, the number of remaining contestants became six. Isabel was still in the running. She must be a child prodigy or something. Wait? Six? How would that work out?

    Tenabrae got her answer when the six were lead to the stage. Oddly, the assistant and judges put them in a specific place, with a spot marked out in front of them by eight feet or so for the Pokemon they were about to send out. The stage lowered, except a circle around the feet of the coordinators, with much bigger circles for the Pokemon.

    Tenabrae saw pipes in the now (minus water) swimming pool-like stage, and realized what was going to happen at least a minute before it happened. Water poured into the empty stage, which was like a basin, and soon around every circle was surrounded by water.

    The announcer, who was beside the Judges' Panel, on a huge circle of its own, shouted the rules out.

    "Your Pokemon must stay on their own circle! Use long range moves to knock opponents into the water! Flying Pokemon may be used, but must stay in the vicinity of their circle, but may fly up as far as the roof if still in the circle's vicinity! And if a Pokemon is in the water, it's out, meaning you can't make your Pokemon jump in on purpose as a strategy! Got it?! The last two standing advance to the final! Begin!"

    "Honchkrow, out of the shadows!" Screamed Tenabrae, trying to show she meant justice. Honchkrow was sent out a bit over his circle, and landed smartly.

    "Dedenne, shine like a star!" Isabel yelled, sending out one of the cutest Pokemon Tenabrae ever saw. She threw the Poke Ball onto the circle, and it nearly fell off.

    This was going to be one hard battle.

    _______________________________________________________________________________

    I'm not fond if of this filler chapter. It's pretty much boring but necessary for the next chapter.

    I promise, this will not be the quality of future chapters. I shall try my best to redeem myself with the next chapter.

    Bye guys! Hope you can forgive me for this!

  8. #8
    Less cute in person Beth Pavell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divine Anarchy

    Tighter use of Tenabrae's point of view in these two chapters, which is a good start. Chapter One sets up a few motivations quite well - why Tenabrae is doing all this is clear enough for the purposes of the plot so far. Her level of maturity, shall we say, is a bit confusing. I don't think you've mentioned her age much, but as an ex-Gym Leader presumably she is capable of acting maturely. She just seems to have a bit of a sulky streak ... I'm not saying that this is necessarily wrong, but if that's not what you're going for it's worth watching.

    As far as filler chapters are concerned, I'd suggest that you try not to think of this as written anime, even if it's anime-verse. Anime writers have to take into account TV scheduling and the march of the games, which you don't. If you just need to get somewhere - like with that contest battle - you can use it to show the reader other aspects of the story (The POV character's personality, battling style, that sort of thing). The battle itself was ok. For future reference, don't be afraid to repeat pokémon names a lot. During an action sequence they'll end up becoming punctuation in the readers eyes, and if you have too many synonyms for those names (Referring to them as their type, for example) you may end up accidentally jerking the reader out of the mood.
    The Long Walk
    For Joshua Cook, it's a long walk away from his dull life to the Pokémon League. But does he really want to be the very best? A coming-of-age story of adventure, friendship and growing up in the world of Pokémon.


    Pavell's Scribbledegook Week XX - Chapter Titles

  9. #9
    I'm A Bit-I Mean Witch Capricious Equilibrium's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divine Anarchy

    Quote Originally Posted by Pavell View Post
    Tighter use of Tenabrae's point of view in these two chapters, which is a good start. Chapter One sets up a few motivations quite well - why Tenabrae is doing all this is clear enough for the purposes of the plot so far. Her level of maturity, shall we say, is a bit confusing. I don't think you've mentioned her age much, but as an ex-Gym Leader presumably she is capable of acting maturely. She just seems to have a bit of a sulky streak ... I'm not saying that this is necessarily wrong, but if that's not what you're going for it's worth watching.

    As far as filler chapters are concerned, I'd suggest that you try not to think of this as written anime, even if it's anime-verse. Anime writers have to take into account TV scheduling and the march of the games, which you don't. If you just need to get somewhere - like with that contest battle - you can use it to show the reader other aspects of the story (The POV character's personality, battling style, that sort of thing). The battle itself was ok. For future reference, don't be afraid to repeat pokémon names a lot. During an action sequence they'll end up becoming punctuation in the readers eyes, and if you have too many synonyms for those names (Referring to them as their type, for example) you may end up accidentally jerking the reader out of the mood.
    Again, thank you for all this!

    Tenabrae is kind of an easily aggravated girl. Her maturity and hotheadedness tend to clash in every thing I plan, though :/

    Ah, okay. Phew. I thought repetitive names were just bad. Thank god for that!

    Chapter uploading may become more erratic due to school.

    Freaking Maths is determined to piss me off.

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