A Deadly Breach

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Thread: A Deadly Breach

  1. #1
    infinite 1up's Scizor_Technician's Avatar
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    Default A Deadly Breach

    Information in spoiler.


    Prologue:

    Dull grey clouds scattered the gloomy winter’s sky, the sun was out of sight and instead flocks of Pidgey could be seen travelling west to Kanto, in order to escape the cold weather that had plagued Johto for the past week. An unusually tall and bulky man in his mid-thirties stared at the tiny bird Pokémon in disgust at how weak he thought them to be. His cold brown eyes drifted from the birds to the civilians visiting Azelea South International Airport, but his expression did not change. His phone began to ring as the man walked closer to the terminal, he slid his hand into his expensive suit pants to retrieve it. He had been expecting this call, although he was slightly annoyed that it had come precisely three minutes late.

    “Good morning boss, you will be pleased to know that our endeavours last night were a complete success.” Said the smooth, deep voice at the other end of the phone line.

    A slight, yet evil grin appeared on the tall, muscular business man’s face. “Are you telling me the target was successfully infiltrated, the nurse hypnotised and access to the machine granted?” Although he was grinning, he made sure his underling didn’t know by maintaining his usual gruff composure.

    “Precisely and not only that we have found out the formula that it uses to operate.”

    The man on the phone was getting excited with the prospect of what he had discovered, however his boss maintained his act of indifference. “Can it be replaced with formula #119?”

    The man on the phone paused for a moment, unsure of how to answer this question. “We haven’t tried, you see our guess was mostly correct, but there are a few properties in the original formula that we didn’t anticipate. We might have to re-evaluate our formula because we fear #119 may unstable.”

    His usually smooth voice cracked during the last few words, presumably out of fear of the dangerous man’s response. “What’s wrong with it?” His temper was beginning to rise.

    “It may be too strong, we just need to-”

    The man on the phone was cut off by the nearly furious business man. “There is no such thing as too strong! Use formula #119!” He snapped angrily.

    “But sir you don’t under-”

    “NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M CAPABLE OF, DO AS I SAY OR YOU’LL END UP LIKE RICHARDSON!”

    The man was beyond furious at the nerve of his employee; so much so that he slammed his flip phone shut and switched it off. He was now approaching the terminal where he would be flying to South Pastoria Airport in the Sinnoh region.

    Upon boarding the plane he was directed to his first class seat, a magnificent leather recliner with in-built massagers and heating. He sat down and opened the small chest of drawers next to him, where he found a large tablet computer that doubled as a high definition television with the latest films on offer. He didn’t notice the woman approaching him until she spoke in a polite and friendly manner.

    “Please fasten your waist belt sir we will be taking off momentarily.”

    The man didn’t acknowledge the young flight attendant but it was apparent that he had heard her as he grabbed both sides of the belt and fastened them accordingly.

    “Thankyou sir, there -”

    The woman who spoke politely intended to finish her sentence, however the man became irritated at her presence and waved his hand in her face violently expecting her to leave. She stood flustered for a brief moment before he spoke

    “Why are you still here?” He said in a dangerous voice as he looked up and glared at the woman whose face he was seeing for the first time. She appeared to be in her early twenties, a pretty girl with small features, petite physique and warm brown eyes that were wide with surprise at the man’s temperament.

    “We have received a letter for you.” She said as she revealed a typical white envelope.

    The man was taken aback with this information and hastily snatched the document from her small hand. He quickly surveyed the envelope to find it completely blank except for a small yellow emblem situated where the postage stamp ought to be.
    Upon recognising the strange symbol he became unsettled “How did he know” he mumbled under his breath.

    “Sorry what did you say sir?” the flight attendant looked confused at the state of the man.

    “You, how did you come into possession of this letter, I demand that you tell me at once!” The man’s hostility was beginning to frighten the girl.

    “A flying Pokémon delivered it.” She spoke quickly and clearly, afraid of what the man was capable of.

    “What Pokémon was it?” he demanded

    “A Honchkrow I think, I’m really not sure sir.”

    The man who was lost in his deep, confusing thoughts vaguely heard the flight attendant scurry back to the front of the plane as the engine began to rumble. He reached into his suit pocket to retrieve what looked like an almost ancient golden dagger with a hilt the shape of an Arbok, encrusted with gleaming black diamonds. Without delay he used the dagger to swiftly open the mysterious letter. He peered inside the envelope to find two separate items, an ordinary document and what looked like an old photo. He took a deep breath before unfolding the parchment on which the letter was written, his dark eyes were like slits as he read the words which he so strongly disagreed with.


    Brother,
    I have heard mere whispers of your juvenile ideas and believe you are in desperate need of advice. You must bring all projects to a halt immediately; they lack necessary precautions which have now rendered them reckless and unstable. One man cannot rule this emotion fuelled world, the challenge is too great. If you manage to acquire your sought after empire, mark my words, it will fall.
    Heed my warning, I know best.


    A sloppy signature was jotted at the bottom of what appeared to be a very rushed letter. The man was so angry he crushed the letter in his fist and kicked the chair in front of him, which prompted the elderly toad-like woman in front of him to look back at him in disgust. He glared at her momentarily before glancing down at the photo which had been included in the post. Three young boys stood together arm in arm, gleaming up at the camera. The eldest and youngest had inherited their fathers striking blue hair, while the other received the black hair that belonged to their mother. Without a second look at the obviously distressing photo, the man angrily ripped up the letter, photo and envelope which he then shoved in the pouch in front of him. The plane was starting to pick up great speed as it travelled down the runway; however something managed to catch the man’s attention just before the plane lifted off the ground. Out of the window he could see a large, dark bird swoop down onto the roof of the airport terminal, where a man with striking blue hair jumped on its back. The man couldn’t believe his eyes, he blinked for a second and they were gone, the plane had soared high into the sky and everything on ground level was now indistinguishable.
    Last edited by Scizor_Technician; 9th January 2011 at 09:31 AM. Reason: fixed spacing

    You can read my fic; A Deadly Breach here.

    Platinum FC: 2321-2981-5085

  2. #2
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Deadly Breach

    That was a nice prologue. The only thing I would suggest is spacing your paragraphs. Each line of dialogue should have it's own.

    “Good morning boss, you will be pleased to know that our endeavours last night were a complete success.” Said the smooth, deep voice at the other end of the phone line.

    A slight, yet evil grin appeared on the tall, muscular business man’s face. “Are you telling me the target was successfully infiltrated, the nurse hypnotised and access to the machine granted?” Although he was grinning, he made sure his underling didn’t know by maintaining his usual gruff composure.

    “Precisely and not only that we have found out the formula that it uses to operate.”
    Other than that, it is a nice prologue.

  3. #3
    infinite 1up's Scizor_Technician's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Deadly Breach

    thanks for reading and for the advice, I'll fix that up now.

    EDIT: Is that how you're supposed to do it?
    Last edited by Scizor_Technician; 9th January 2011 at 09:33 AM.

    You can read my fic; A Deadly Breach here.

    Platinum FC: 2321-2981-5085

  4. #4
    infinite 1up's Scizor_Technician's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Deadly Breach

    Chapter 1: Walls


    Bright lights that shone like miniature suns beamed down onto a teenage girl standing nervously in the centre of what appeared to be a Pokémon stadium. She shielded her warm, brown eyes with her arm as she attempted to see her opponent past the blinding beams of light. She began to worry about the thousands of eyes she could not see watching her every move, her heart began to race and drops of sweat appeared under her vibrant red fringe. She felt vulnerable and nervous as a booming voice began to speak words she could not hear, yet understood perfectly. She knew that the battle was about to begin, so she instinctively clutched onto the small metal balls attached to her belt, her hands shaking violently. If she had stopped to assess the situation she would’ve realised the odd predicament she was in, she would have noticed the inconsistencies that plagued her ephemeral reality, but that was not possible. As the girl realised that the opposite side of the arena stood in complete darkness, her opponent stood out from behind the shadows to show himself. With one swift movement the man released his Pokémon who towered above the young girl and roared destructively. She mirrored his movement although her Pokeball fell to the ground instantly, she reached for another but the belt was empty. A loud tapping noise filled the stadium as she turned on her heel and began sprinting away from the humungous Pokémon which began to chase her. The tapping became louder and louder until she felt herself slipping away from the arena. The tapping noise did not cease as Effy awoke from her vivid nightmare.

    She lazily stretched out her arms, yawned loudly and rolled over to face the grinning young man knocking on her window. “C’mon Eff, wake up it’s almost midday!” said the muffled voice from the other side of the glass.

    She sat up abruptly and rubbed her eyes in disbelief, “Jaden what are you doing he- wait! How are you doing that?” Remembering that her bedroom was on the top storey, Effy was at a loss to understand how her elder brother was seemingly floating in mid-air, both arms crossed with a smug look on his face.

    As she walked towards the window Jaden dropped out of view momentarily but was then replaced by a blur of striking blue and red racing past the window. Effy quickly opened her window and looked outside to see Jaden flying around her spacious front yard on an enormous quadrupedial dragon Pokémon.

    Holding onto nothing but the dragons thick, bright cerulean neck, her brother commanded the Pokémon to dive and roll through the air at breakneck speeds. Effy always thought him to be a show off, “Bagon finally got his wish then huh?” she yelled as Jaden ordered his salamence to hover in the air.

    “It wasn’t just a wish Eff, it was his life’s dream, wasn’t it buddy?” Jaden patted his prized Pokémon’s head which caused its newly grown crimson wings to flap about excitedly, “You should’ve seen him when he first evolved, I thought he’d left me ‘cause he flew off into the sky and didn’t come back for an hour.”

    Effy and Jaden heard the front door open and looked down to see their mother, a tall woman with curly, chocolate brown hair gazing up at Salamence.“Aww look at little Shelgy isn’t he such a cutie now he’s all grown up, I can’t believe it! Bring him down here Jaden I have wots of widdle treaty weeties for him!”

    Without order Salamence darted towards the ground eagerly, Jaden barely had enough time to clutch onto his neck but managed to get one arm around it before being knocked off upon landing roughly. Flat on his back and winded, Jaden sat up slowly, propped himself up on his elbow and spat out the grass and dirt that filled his mouth when he fell.

    “It’s okay…I’m fine mum.” Jaden said weakly to his mother who too busy petting Salamence and feeding him treats to notice her son, who was now shaking the sand out of his long, messy hair.

    “That was pretty ace Jadey.” Effy said sarcastically, staring out her window at the comical scene below.

    “You ought to be nice to me you know, I have something for you,” Jaden stopped for a moment to cough up more dirt, “Ahem, yeah so come down here and I’ll give it to you, but only if you get me something to drink.”

    Effy watched him as he tried to wipe the dirt off his tongue with his hands, which were also covered in soil. She reached down to the desk next to her and picked up an orange and silver Pokéball with a yellow lightning bolt above the button, “I think he’ll be impressed with you.” She said as she pocketed the small metal ball.

    As she walked out Effy caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, her short, layered, chocolate brown hair which was usually dead straight was so messy that it looked more like a Starly nest than a fifteen year old girl’s hair. The only part that wasn’t sticking up was the vibrant red concave at the back of her head on the right hand side, which was practically knotted into a dreadlock. She sighed as she walked downstairs silently cursing Jaden for coming before she had time to make herself presentable, contemplating whether or not to spike his drink with essence of Muk.

    From what Effy could hear, her mother had finished doting on Salamence for the time being and acknowledged her son. “Jaden what have you done to yourself, you inherited your father’s lovely chestnut hair and what do you do with it?”

    “I grew it out so everyone could see how truly lovely it is?”

    “It looks horrible, it’s almost longer than Effy’s and dirty too, when was the last time you showered?”

    “Nah I think it’s longer than Effy’s it’s just that, well mine sticks up a bit more maybe so it doesn’t look so long. And to be honest mum, who needs showers anyway I’m still alive and it’s been a week.”

    “I can’t believe you, if your father were here! I looked after your hair before you went away, had it trimmed six times a year! It was always clean and lovely and so were you and now look, even your clothes are ripped!”


    Jaden was laughing by this stage; he always loved to tease his mum and he knew exactly what to say to provoke her while always keeping his cool. Effy always thought it was odd but watching them bicker was probably one of the things she missed most about Jaden living with them, and if she had to guess she’d say her mum missed it too.

    “Hey Salamence.” Effy said as she walked up and petted the dragon who was eating the remaining Pokémon food that their mum had given him, she then turned to Jaden.

    “What’ve you got me then bro?” She said smiling at her brother.

    He smirked back at her, “Oh I dunno a hello maybe? A how have you been, it’s good to see you or what’s new?” She laughed but didn’t say anything, still expecting an answer to her question.

    “Mum told me you’ve wanted to leave soon and I said it’s high time you did because all your friends left years ago, and it’s probably not much fun getting letters in the post from all over the region, while you’re stuck here in Twinleaf town battling wild bidoof.” Jaden spoke quickly trying to avoid Effy’s gaze as he could feel her getting annoyed at him.

    “You know what mum’s like Eff, too afraid that you’re gonna drop dead before you reach Jubilife City to let you go right?”

    “With good reason, it’s a dangerous world out there you know!” their mum interjected.

    “Be quiet mum, anyway I, being the brilliant, intelligent and amazing brother that I am convinced her to let you go! There’s just one condition though.”

    Effy couldn’t believe what she was hearing; surely Jaden was having a laugh, their mother letting her go out into the Sinnoh region by herself? For a moment she could feel herself getting incredibly angry, how dare he play games like this, taunt her with the fact that she must stay in Twinleaf town while he’s out riding dragons and playing the hero. Then it occurred to her that maybe he wasn’t fooling around, surely if he was their mum wouldn’t allow it, she would tell him to stop being a twat and assure her she wasn’t going anywhere until she was well of age.

    “Close your eyes and hold out your hand.” Jaden was smiling now and not in his usual evil grin, but a genuine smile like he was doing something nice.

    Effy looked up at her brother unsure of whether to trust him, “What are you doing, you better not spit on it or anything.”

    “I’m not gonna spit on you Eff, geez when did you start thinking I was such a prat?”

    She didn’t answer but closed her eyes and grudgingly held out her hand, she heard Jaden unclip something and felt him place a small metal ball in her hand. She opened her eyes to see a red and white Pokéball lying in the palm of her hand, the initials J.F. carved above the button. This wasn’t just any old Pokéball it was one of his, she was confused, was it empty or was one of his Pokémon still inside?

    “Well don’t just stare at it, give it a throw.” Jaden said happily, looking very pleased with himself.

    “Throw?” Effy, who was still gazing down at the Pokéball felt butterflies in her stomach, “Jaden is there a Pokémon in here?”

    She looked from him to her mother hoping for answers but the both just stood silently. Jaden was grinning, he obviously thought this was a marvellous plan, while Effy’s mother looked plain scared and was probably regretting letting her son have his way.

    Effy’s hands were shaking and she didn’t know why, this ought not to be frightening but her heart was racing in her chest and the time felt so slow, like seconds were hours. If Jaden was telling the truth she would be leaving soon, on her journey to become great like her brother, to achieve everything she had ever dreamed of. She would happily complain about being stuck in Twinleaf town to anyone who would listen and battle any trainer or wild Pokémon she could find. On the exterior it would seem like she craved a chance to prove herself, to forever cease people saying what great potential she has, for everyone to stop comparing her to her Jaden but for them to be seen as equals. She wanted more than anything to battle with Jaden and win, and it would seem as though she was ready, determined and willing but that was far from the truth. For what she dreamed of was also her nightmare, constantly filled with self-doubt and terrified of failure, terrified of those bright lights and the all too familiar stadiums that plague her unconscious. She wanted so much to do all of these brilliant things, but deep down her fears made it near impossible to leave.

    “Jaden I…I can’t… if it’s yours…it’s just not right and it will feel like cheating, if I’m ever going to be as good as… I mean if I’m ever gonna win the Sinnoh League then I have to do it by myself.” While she was mainly trying to conceal her fear of trying, she meant what she said; she didn’t want one of Jaden’s super strong Pokémon to blitz her all the way to the Sinnoh League.

    “I knew you’d say something of the sort, but don’t worry it’s not like that I swear,” Effy looked at him sceptically, still confused about his intentions. “Just throw the ball Eff.” He said with a smile.

    Effy threw the ball a short distance away from her, it hung in the air for a second while white rushing white light escaped from the centre, the light formed the shape of a humanoid Pokémon as the Pokéball flew back into Effy’s hand. She watched as the white faded into a deep crimson and she instantly recognised the Pokémon. Apparently recognising her too the large, praying mantis Pokémon bounded over to her and wrapped it’s hard, metal body around her in a display of affection.

    “Scizor! Wow Jaden but he’s one of your best, why don’t you want him with you?” Effy said, as Scizor stared at her with adoration.

    “I do want him, it’s not that I don’t at all it’s just Scizor wants to be stronger, he needs to be but I fear that I’ve done all I can to help him. He used to be an even match for Typhlosion, for a while there he was even better but as they both levelled up Scizor’s defences weren’t developing at the same rate as Typhlosion’s Special Attack was, now one flamethrower and Scizor’s gone. It’s perfectly normal I tell him that all the time, he’s weak to fire but he wants to be as strong as he can be, he wants to be able to resist.” Jaden looked over at the Scizor apologetically, Effy could tell that this was really upsetting him, but couldn’t understand how Scizor travelling with her could make it stronger.

    “We train every day you know, all of my Pokémon for six hours it’s always been like that ever since my first league victory. It’s not enough though, Scizor wants more so we do two extra hours of intensive training, with fire training three times a week. It’s been like this for three months but he hasn’t levelled up yet whereas Typhlosion’s levelled up twice. He gets more frustrated as each day goes by and I just don’t think we’re getting anywhere.” Effy was still confused, Jaden was not making sense at all.

    “How is being with me going to make him stronger? I can’t train him he would never listen to me.” Effy looked up at Scizor and saw the bitterness and frustration in his gloomy yellow eyes.

    “I’ve been thinking lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s stronger than me. It might not make sense to anyone else but I think we both know that he can’t learn from me anymore, not until I become stronger. I know what you’re thinking but he wouldn’t learn from you, he would teach you, protect you from harm, from real danger not Pokémon battles. I think he could become stronger if he was looking out for himself, if he was being challenged by real world situations where he’s in charge and not simply following my training plan.” Jaden’s deep blue eyes had become glassy and Effy understood how he felt, for it was the feeling she feared the most. It was then that she realised they were more alike than she thought, they both had brick walls that they hid their true feelings behind, which was apparent by the way they acted as soon as they were faced with their fears.

    “Alright Jay, we’ll leave tomorrow morning,” Effy said as she forced a smile particularly well and gave her brother a quick hug to say something without their mother hearing, “And thanks for you know, convincing mum.”

    Although she didn’t mean it she had to say thank you, it would be rude otherwise but she really wished Jaden hadn’t done all this. Effy returned Scizor to Jaden’s ball and pocketed it where she kept her orange Pokéball. She told herself that she must not forget to show Jaden how much her starter Pokémon had grown before he left, or it would probably Fury Swipe her eyes out.
    _____________________________________________________________

    The rest of the day passed in a blur and before she knew it Effy was packing her things, ready for her departure in the morning. She was incredibly nervous, her hands were shaking again and she felt like the fear had chewed a pit in her stomach and then stuck itself inside her throat, just to spite her. Images of newspaper headlines flew through her mind; ‘Effy Fernus Struggles to Win Badge!’, ‘Jaden’s Little Sister Lacks Talent’, ‘League Champ Jaden Beats Sister Effy, Again!’ She shook her head trying not to think about it, for tomorrow her dreaded dream would become reality and there was no turning back.
    Last edited by Scizor_Technician; 24th January 2011 at 03:50 AM.

    You can read my fic; A Deadly Breach here.

    Platinum FC: 2321-2981-5085

  5. #5
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Deadly Breach

    Good chapter, I really liked it. The only mistake is Pokémon names, which should be capitalised, some of them aren't. Anyway, it was a very good start, and Effy is an interesting character, looking forward to reading more. You do use some british terms... Not a bad thing, just an observation.

  6. #6
    infinite 1up's Scizor_Technician's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Deadly Breach

    Thanks for reading and reviewing, I'm glad you liked it. In regards to the Pokemon names I've only capitalized the names used as proper nouns, like Jaden's Scizor is capitalised where as 'essence of muk' wasn't. I've done it like that because I also post this on another fan fiction website and there's a moderator that goes crazy about capitalizing Pokemon's names that aren't used as proper nouns. She sees them like animals and thinks that you wouldn't capitalise the word dog, so why pikachu. So I've tried to follow those rules because she seems to pick stories to shreds that do that, but I'll change them if it's considered good grammar to do so on Bulbagarden. :)
    Thanks again for reviewing, I really appreciate it.
    EDIT: Also, yeah I watch and read a lot of British stuff and I have a thing for England, so I guess it shows haha :)

    You can read my fic; A Deadly Breach here.

    Platinum FC: 2321-2981-5085

  7. #7
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Deadly Breach

    You don't have to change them if the way they are make you comfortable, it's just that Pokémon names are their... names. :P

  8. #8
    infinite 1up's Scizor_Technician's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Deadly Breach

    Nah I'll change them because I think to people on here it'll just look like I've forgotten to capitalise them. :)

    You can read my fic; A Deadly Breach here.

    Platinum FC: 2321-2981-5085

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