The Danger Is You (really) (may include bloodshed)

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  1. #1
    Chili Dog Shiny Suicune's Avatar
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    Angry The Danger Is You (really) (may include bloodshed)

    Okay, I will REALLY start the fanfic here. It's located in another world, and some other stuff will be posted about it in the introduction.

    The Danger Is You-The Introduction

    In a distant land where there are no humans, but instead living, breathing creatures, the 4 countries-Fire, Water, Earth, and Air-were at the border of peace and war. Certain creatures went out to try and take over land, so protection was needed. Soon after this started, two different breeds would come together and give birth to a new breed of fighter, or something gone horribly wrong. As the crossbreeding method continued, most common species with no special abilities died off, and those who survived had to bring weapons of some sort wherever they went. The Water country was the main target of takeover because the crossbreeding method was not as widespread as the other countries. In the middle of all of this, a new hybrid was born, in the heart of this country.

    His mother was the Colapo breed of the Water country, his father a Cooma of the Air country, in a desperate attempt to create a very lightweight being with the ability to fly. His slightest step made a tremor in the ground, but that wasn't all they were afraid of. Though the action was comical, they literally threw him out into the mountains so that his landing hopefully wouldn't reach them through something of an earthquake. Causing an earthquake was an easy feat for him; due to his lightweight body and huge muscle mass(though you couldn't see it through his skin), it was hard for him not to.

    As the creature grew, he knew noone as a friend. They would only betray him. Nobody much came into the mountains of the Water country in which he stayed; they had already been told about him and his potential to turn against all of them. The story was passed all through the Water country, even the directly opposite Fire country, about the one they had only known as The Danger.

    Any comments? Also, I would like 2 otherworldly names for 2 characters. They'll become a bit important.
    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/danger-you-really-may-include-bloodshed-23664/
    When The Danger meets The Black Streak, a new team arises. Are they good, or evil?
    The Danger Is You-above
    My character in an RPG. I forgot the gender signsOh well! Roselia and Clefable are the only girls.
    (No simularities to MAR were meant by this trainer card.)
    Fellow Naruto fans, PM me and we'll make a club!

  2. #2
    The freeze of ice! ||||||||||||'s Avatar
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    Pretty good almost as good as Chimchar 26's writing.

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    PSM: DP Author TurtleKing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Helmasaur King View Post
    Pretty good almost as good as Chimchar 26's writing.
    Eh..


    Anyway, this is pretty good! Just wondering if there's more to it.

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    What did you say!? I'll!- Wait... Hold anger Chimy.*Breaths in and out.*
    I don't get your story. No one spoke. No action. Is this just an intro of it? Because I understand.

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    Chili Dog Shiny Suicune's Avatar
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    Thumbs up

    Oh, there's more, all right. I'll have to check out Chimchar 26's writing, then. But this MIGHT get sloppy as I add dialogue. I don't think so, though. Anyways, continuing.

    The Danger Is You-Chapter 1:The Black Streak

    The Danger sat on the mountaintop on a sunny morning, his round, yellow eyes sparkling in the sun, though showing no emotion(apart from having no real mouth, which is different from this kind of emotionless expression), halfway hidden by his eyelids. His pointed stalks on his head, designed to pick up sound waves almost as our ears do, swung behind him in the breeze. 2 claws on each hand lay on both sides of him, beside his long legs, which were then followed by cupped feet that lay in front of him. His green skin shone brightly in the light of a sunlike star, brighter than our sun. You could see cracks nearby where he had come with his unusual strength to sit and do nothing.

    Suddenly, The Danger heard something. Something of a whip sound, from pure speed, not impact. He almost completely froze. A visitor? It couldn't be. Nobody foolish enough would come to see him in the mountains, let alone come at all. Who came, and why? A hand-no, 3 claws-grabbed him and lifted him from his spot. Keep in mind this all happened quickly, for this streak, this black streak, was still going. The Danger tried his best to take a look at its face, but it was moving so quickly, its head moving back and forth, that all he could make out of him was a patch of yellow on its otherwise black surface. It stopped in its tracks by the time his spot was no longer visible. Once The Danger could take a better look at it, he could see it was, in fact, a he, with a tall, slender body(covered in black, as seen before) and 3 claws on both hands, 3 on a foot. He had a tail that reached above his head as it came up. But The Danger could not see his face before he was slammed into a tree and knocked unconscious.

    He awakened to the sound of words, words he had never heard before. If you've read the first paragraph, you'd know The Danger had no mouth, but his thoughts weren't surprised about the sound, they were only wondering what had just happened. The black figure that he had met before was talking in front of him. He turned to The Danger, who was now crouching, pointed to himself, and said, "The Black Streak." The two simply paused, The Danger not quite understanding what he had meant. Then, realizing what he had done to him, he sprang up and started to attack, but the black figure stopped him by putting his hand on him. Suddenly understanding, after a few seconds of calming down, The Danger replied, "The...Black.....Creek," through his eyes, the only opening in which he could. "The Black Streak," the figure corrected.

    Since then, he Danger had come to trust this figure, the one he knew as The Black Streak. He taught him the language of the land until he knew it completely and fluently. The Black Streak also planned to head out of the mountains eventually and into the Water country, for reasons The Danger did not know, but he trusted him, anyways. Best of all, he didn't betray him. Not like his parents.

    EDIT:Sorry I didn't have enough time to pay attention to your other comment, Chimchar 26! Really, I didn't. More dialogue comes up in the next chapter, I promise you. But it might be a bit bad, I dunno. And the little I saw of your work had some bad spelling and grammar. There didn't seem to be a real introduction, just two characters in a swamp, attacked by the rival Feraligatr. And it really is an intro, not until chapter 3 do they get into action. Anyways...
    Last edited by Shiny Suicune; 2nd October 2007 at 04:23 PM.
    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/showthread.php?t=23664
    When The Danger meets The Black Streak, a new team arises. Are they good, or evil?
    The Danger Is You-above
    My character in an RPG. I forgot the gender signsOh well! Roselia and Clefable are the only girls.
    (No simularities to MAR were meant by this trainer card.)
    Fellow Naruto fans, PM me and we'll make a club!

  6. #6
    Chili Dog Shiny Suicune's Avatar
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    Smile

    Sorry about the double post, it's just that I'm sick of waiting to put on chapter 5. So, here's chapter 2! Yeah, they have 3 suns.

    The Danger Is You-Chapter 2:Explanations

    It was a windy afternoon, 2 of the 3 stars were visible, and The Black Streak and The Danger were walking on the mountains. You would notice that The Danger's footsteps left no tremors nor cracks in the ground, for he was learning to control his strength.

    "To run while you sneak away from the enemy," The Black Streak said in his cold, dark, yet somehow trustworthy voice, "YOU have to control your footsteps. Not everyone is gifted with your potential."

    "Is there anything else I can do in combat? And when will we ever engage in combat?" The Danger paid attention to where he was walking as to not get carried away in his words. Only the equivalent of 2 weeks on Earth had passed with his new mentor and he was talking. Not even stammering, or mispronunciation. The Black Streak seemed to pay no attention to this and kept walking.

    Later that night, they had somehow made a fire out of the otherworldly rocks of the mountain. They ate nothing, for their bodies needed only rest to survive. The two sat down nearby, though wide awake. "It's time I explained something." The Black Streak broke out of the isolated sizzling sound of fire. His eyelids seemed to fall down a bit, making him look very tired. "Did I teach you the meaning of good and evil?" The Danger nodded. "Alright. I am part of the Takeover group, as you will soon be a part of. Our group, um...joins the countries together by putting us in as the rulers. With our ways of thinking, we will join the countries together to form a single, peaceful one. I'm sure you were wondering why we're going to go. Well, that's why." There was a sense of worry in his voice, but The Danger trusted him whole-heartedly. "We'll be fighting others who are against us, and that's why I'm training you. If I don't, then you'll be stuck here for the rest of your life with nothing but sorrow. To know who you're against, trust noone that doesn't know the code."

    "But what's the code?"

    "Oh, I never taught you the code? It's very simple, actually. First of all, there's your breed name. My breed name is Dark-Cadr. Any hybrid names will put a B in the front and an A in the back. Regular breeds have it vice-versa. For example, if I were being told the code by you, it would most likely be B-Colapo-Cooma-A. I assume your parents were a Cooma and a Colapo?"

    "..."

    "Well, a Colapo breed has the trademark stalks. A Cooma has those cupped things. They're unique to the breeds."

    "What do the cupped things do? If I have them, then I might be able to do whatever it is they can do."

    "They let them fly. Maybe that's something you can do, but with your feet? Nobody flies with their feet. Jump and see what happens, The Danger." So The Danger jumped and stood. He stood in midair.

    How does this happen? The cup shape gathers matter in one place to temporarily create solid ground. Of course, the cup could be flexed upwards to release. By taking simple steps upward, The Danger could literally walk on air. The Cooma breed has stalks on its shoulders that can go up and down to eventually take the creature upwards. Having them on their feet takes less energy and might be much more useful.

    "Well, we can either work on that technique when the darkest star rises, or when daylight comes. You should get some rest. I'll sleep later." As The Black Streak got up, The Danger laid down on his side, ready to sleep.

    Is that enough dialogue for ya? Well, is anybody a fan of my story so far?
    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/showthread.php?t=23664
    When The Danger meets The Black Streak, a new team arises. Are they good, or evil?
    The Danger Is You-above
    My character in an RPG. I forgot the gender signsOh well! Roselia and Clefable are the only girls.
    (No simularities to MAR were meant by this trainer card.)
    Fellow Naruto fans, PM me and we'll make a club!

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