Dancing Disaster - Pokémon Fanfic

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Thread: Dancing Disaster - Pokémon Fanfic

  1. #1
    BackwardsMan, huh? NoodleChefKyle's Avatar
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    Default Dancing Disaster - Pokémon Fanfic

    I've written other fics, but this is my first time writing a Pokémon fanfic. Basically the premise of this fanfic is that the gang arrives in time for a new Pokémon Contest. However, there is a dangerous conspiracy behind the scenes.

    Prelude

    Fuchsia City. 8:30 pm.
    "Just give up."
    Harley and his Cacturne were on the receiving end of several vicious attacks from, oddly enough, a Jumpluff. Cacturne was covered in bruises as it struggled to stand up. Harley glared at the opposing trainer, who was hidden under the shadows by the moonlight, then looked back at his Cacturne.
    “Come on Cacturne,” Harley goaded, “Please, just give up. This battle isn’t worth it!”
    “Dang right, it’s not worth it!” Another voice chimed in.
    “This is totally pathetic,” a third voice sounded out, “this battle was over before it began!”
    “How right you are, boys,” the trainer responded, his sunglasses glinting for a second, “Your Cacturne is very poorly trained. So un-groovy. I’m gonna wrap this up right now. Jumpluff! Shadow Wave!”
    Harley watched in horror as Jumpluff waved the cotton balls on its arms. It charged up a mass of black energy and released it towards Cacturne, who didn’t even have the strength to move.
    “CACTURNE! NO!!”

    ------------Cue Theme Music------------

    Feel free to comment however you like.

    First Appearances:

    Name: Harley
    Occupation: Pokémon Coordinator

    Name: ??????
    Occupation: ??????

    (He will be revealed later)

    Pokémon:
    Cacturne
    Jumpluff
    Last edited by NoodleChefKyle; 2nd September 2006 at 10:33 PM.

    Maddie Blaustein, 1960-2008
    You will be missed.

  2. #2
    LOVED IchibanCon Trainer Lisa's Avatar
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    Cool fanfic so far, Kyle!!!! ^^


    I'm anxious to see what happens next!!

  3. #3
    BackwardsMan, huh? NoodleChefKyle's Avatar
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    Thank you, Lisa.

    Maddie Blaustein, 1960-2008
    You will be missed.

  4. #4
    LOVED IchibanCon Trainer Lisa's Avatar
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    You're welcome. ^_^

  5. #5
    Registered User Astinus's Avatar
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    It's rather short. I mean, by the time that one gets "into" the story, then it just kind of...ends. A better way to fix this is to add in more description. Like tell me what Harley, Cacturne, and Jumpluff look like. The way you have it now, I could imagine them as anything, except I know who they are, due to my previous knowledge of Pokémon. Perhaps another reader doesn't know anything.

    Also, description can help me know where the other voices are coming from. I have no idea where these characters are. With Harley, I think that they are at a Contest Hall in Fuschia City. You might think that they are in an alleyway. That's one of the best things about desciption. It helps you transmit an image from your head to the reader's. Also, if you describe the night time air, you don't have to say that it is 8:30 pm.

    Your grammar is a little iffy. You have commas in the dialogue when they should really be full stops.

    Still, you ended on a cliffhanger. I'm intrigued so far, and so I will come back to see where this goes.

  6. #6
    BackwardsMan, huh? NoodleChefKyle's Avatar
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    I apologize. Like I said before, it's my first time writing a pokémon fic. As to where the characters are, I plan on revealing that in a later chapter. Anyway, I've added image attachments for the characters, and hopefully that will help.

    Maddie Blaustein, 1960-2008
    You will be missed.

  7. #7
    Registered User Astinus's Avatar
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    Think of description this way: When you are reading a published book for adults, do you have pictures of those characters? No, but if the writer describes them well enough, then the reader can see them.

    Basically, what I'm saying is that images in fanfiction is a no-no, when you should just be able to describe the characters.

    I'm not trying to sound mean. Just tell me at anytime if you need my advice to come out in a nicer way.

    Anyhow, just work on describing the characters in words, not by posting pictures.

  8. #8
    BackwardsMan, huh? NoodleChefKyle's Avatar
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    I'm glad you're helping, and I'm not trying to be rude, but most of the people on the whole forum already know who these people are. Besides, I do have a right to be lazy. Deal with it.
    Last edited by NoodleChefKyle; 2nd September 2006 at 11:12 PM.

    Maddie Blaustein, 1960-2008
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  9. #9
    Fanfic Overload
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    LOL Shadow Jumpluff eh? And to go with the pic, a happy looking Jummpluff. Doesn't fit the shadowish type if you know what I mean. But that's not important. I guess reviewing ain't my forté but, this is the shortest chapter I've ever read in a fanfic. Could Cipher possibly be behind this? And, why the hell would Harley let Cacturne battle if it is getting its a*s whooped. Shouldn't he just recall it? Anyways, it is your first fic good luck.

  10. #10
    BackwardsMan, huh? NoodleChefKyle's Avatar
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    The reason I couldn't find an angry Jumpluff is because I can't. Every single one looks all...cheerful. Even the Shadow Skiploom from Colosseum looks happy.

    Maddie Blaustein, 1960-2008
    You will be missed.

  11. #11
    BackwardsMan, huh? NoodleChefKyle's Avatar
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    Chapter 1

    Continuing on the Battle Frontier, Ash and his friends, Brock, May, Max, and Pikachu arrive at Fuchsia City, where a new Contest Hall has just opened. You can only imagine how excited May is to earn her next Ribbon.
    “This is Fuchsia City?” May nearly screamed in excitement, “This place is huge!”
    “It’s gotten bigger since we were last here.” Brock said, reading from a guidebook, “Not only has the Safari Zone reopened but the Fuchsia Gym also has a new leader. And of course, we already know about the Contest Hall which, according to this, should be right around the-”
    “YOU!”
    A female voice shouted seemingly from nowhere, shocking the whole group. They search for the voice, but to no avail.
    “Brock, what’s goin’ on?” Ash asked in confusion.
    “I have no idea!” Brock shouted back.
    “I’m up here!”
    The group looks up on one of the roofs of the houses to see a young woman in a black ninja tunic, a pink sash, and a mask covering her face, revealing only her eyes. Before they knew it, the ninja girl had disappeared and reappeared right in front of the group in a puff of white smoke. Ash felt his heart skip a beat.
    “You’re Ash from Pallet Town, right?” the girl asked.
    Suddenly, Ash gained his confidence back. “Why do you wanna know?”
    “Answer me!”
    “Yeah, I’m Ash! What’s it to you?!”
    “Pika piiika!” cried Pikachu from his shoulder.
    The girl smiled under her mask as she reached behind her back and drew a poké ball. “Then…” She started to run at the group with amazing speed. “…it’s time you prepare for…WAH!!” Suddenly she tripped over her feet and fell flat on her face, dropping her poké ball and releasing a Ninjask, who struck a ninja pose similar to hers. The group felt a bead of sweat running down the back of their heads.
    “Uh…Ash?” Max asked, “Do you know that girl?”
    “No…I don’t think so.” Ash replied as the girl struggled to get up.
    “That was a cheap shot!” She shouted at him.
    “Cheap shot? I didn’t even do anything!” Ash shouted back.
    She smiled again as she pulled off her mask. “Hehe…I should’ve known you were good. After all…” Her face was revealed to be that of a pretty teenage girl with her violet-red hair tied in a ponytail. “You did beat my daddy.”
    “Huh?!” Ash recoiled in surprise.
    “What?!” May and Max were totally confused.
    “Ahh!” Hearts lit up in Brock’s eyes.
    All in all, they were thinking the same thing. Who is this girl?!
    By the way, this is the part where Veronica Taylor (Ash’s real voice actor) shouts: “Dancing Disaster!”

    “Just who are you anyway?” Ash demanded, “And what do you mean I beat your dad?”
    “You certainly are a loudmouth,” the girl responded, “I meant what I said. Do you know the name, Koga?”
    “Koga? Oh yeah!” Ash flashed back to his sixth gym battle ever. “I remember beating his Golbat with my Charmander on my first jour-WAIT A SECOND! Are you telling me Koga’s your dad?”
    “Yup. And since he’s away, I’ve taken over for him. My name is Janine and I’m not only Koga’s daughter, but I’m also a beautiful kunoichi (female ninja) and the new Fuchsia City Gym Leader!” Janine struck another cool ninja pose with her Ninjask and what appeared to be an upgraded Soul Badge in her hand, but was interrupted when Brock ran forward and took her hands.
    “What a coincidence! We have something in common! My name is Brock and I used to be the leader of the Pewter City Gym.”
    “Uh…” Janine was dumbfounded by Brock’s attitude, but that didn’t stop him.
    “By the way, would you like to go on a date with me? We could go to a fancy restaurant, go to a movie, or maybe–NNGH!”
    “Or maybe,” Max said after grabbing Brock’s ear and tugging him away, “you should get yourself a clue!”
    “So, what were you doing on the roof, anyway?” Ash asked.
    “Oh, that. Well, aside from my duties at the gym, I’ve been helping the police on an investigation.”
    Ash and Pikachu shared confused looks. “Investigation?”
    “Pika?”
    “Witnesses claim that a trainer has been attacking several people at night with a strange and dangerous pokémon and that same trainer is supposedly in Fuchsia City right now.”
    The group was shocked at this news.
    “Dangerous pokémon?!” Brock exclaimed.
    “That’s awful!” May chimed in, “How could they do such a thing?”
    “I’m glad you asked.” Janine answered, “As it happens, I was on my way to talk to one of the witnesses who was attacked by that same trainer. I told him to meet me at the Fuchsia Pokémon Center.”
    “We’ll come with you.” Ash said, “No one can get of scot-free after something like that.”
    “He’s right!” May agreed.
    “Yeah,” Max replied, “And I wanna know more about this weird pokémon, too.”
    “I would gladly go to the ends of the Earth for you, Janine!” Brock almost sang out.
    Janine smiled. “Thank you, guys.”

    Ten minutes later, as soon as the group arrived at the Pokémon Center, Brock immediately dropped his vow, as thoughts of Nurse Joy swam through his head. And wouldn’t you know it, he’s already off to the counter, with Max hot on his tail.
    “Is he always like that?” Janine asked.
    “Pretty much,” May answered, “So where is this witness?”
    “I dunno.” Janine said, “He said he’d be wearing a lot of green, though.”
    “Oh, hello May. I didn’t expect to see you here.”
    Ash, May, and Janine turned around to see…
    “Harley? What happened to you?”

    ------------What indeed?------------

    First Appearances:

    From Left to Right: May, Ash, Brock, Max

    Janine

    Nurse Joy

    Pokemon:

    Pikachu

    Ninjask

    Maddie Blaustein, 1960-2008
    You will be missed.

  12. #12
    BackwardsMan, huh? NoodleChefKyle's Avatar
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    Chapter 2

    Harley was a mess. There was soot all over his Cacturne uniform, his hair looked like it hadn’t been combed in weeks, and he looked like he was about to cry. He seemed downright depressing.
    He turned his attention away from May, “You must be Janine. I’m glad you could make it.”
    “You’re Harley?” Janine asked.
    “Yes I am.” Harley answered, wiping his eyes.
    “Harley…?” May asked, concerned.
    “Harley called the police last night, saying he was attacked by that trainer,” Janine said, “For some reason, the trainer seems to be targeting talented coordinators.”
    Talented coordinators? May thought.
    “Hold on a minute, Harley!” Ash demanded, pointing his finger at him, “How do we know this isn’t a trick?!”
    “Listen, kids,” Harley said with none of his usual enthusiasm, “I know I’ve done some things people would call ‘indecent,’ but I’m really not lying about this! Look at my suit! Look at my pokémon!”
    The group stared dumbfounded at him, until Janine spoke up. “Where are they?”
    “Oh, right.” Harley said, almost embarrassed, “You should come with me.”
    They walked up to the counter, where it appeared Max was finally able to wrench Brock away from Nurse Joy as they were now getting something from a vending machine in the corner.
    “Harley! Back so soon?” Nurse Joy asked, “I thought you were going to wait the full three days.”
    “I know, but…uh…” Harley scratched his head, thinking of what to say, when Janine showed Nurse Joy her Soul Badge.
    “I’ve been asked to assist in the police investigation.” Janine said, “If you don’t mind, we would like to see Mr. Harley’s pokémon.”
    Mister? Harley thought, Harley is my first name!
    “All right,” Nurse Joy said, “Please come this way, kids.”
    Ash, May, Harley, and Janine followed Nurse Joy behind the counter to a hallway, with doors each leading to a room where various pokémon were being treated. They eventually arrived at Ward Five and looked into a window. Needless to say, it wasn’t pretty and May nearly tried to cover her eyes at the sight. Cacturne was lying back on a stretcher with its right arm in a sling and both legs bandaged up. Harley’s Banette was also on a stretcher. Its eyes were bandaged up as well as its arms, and the zipper on its teeth was on the other side, leaving its mouth hanging wide open (like in Colosseum or XD when it loses). Harley’s Ariados was the only one on its belly. All its spindly legs were bandaged as well as its abdomen.
    “All I have left is my Octillery.” Harley said sadly.
    “Harley, all your pokémon…” Ash said quietly, “This is horrible.”
    “Who would do such a thing?” May asked.
    “That’s what I’m here to find out.” Janine responded, “Harley, can you describe what you were doing at the time of the attack?”
    “Well, I was on my way here from Lavender Town because I heard a new Contest Hall had opened up in Fuchsia City. It was 8:30 by the time I got there and I was really tired, so I wanted to get to the Pokémon Center and rest before I registered. And believe it or not, somewhere around the Safari Zone entrance gates, I met up with this weird guy. He called to me and it turned out he already knew my name.”
    “Was it someone you knew, Harley?” Janine asked.
    “I couldn’t really tell.” Harley answered, “I could only see his shadow under the moon, but I could tell that his head was particularly large and he had sunglasses. Oh, there were two other people with him, but I couldn’t get a look at them either.”
    Ash and May looked at each other.
    “Big head…and sunglasses?” Ash said to himself.
    “Two other people?” May said to herself. At that instant, they both thought the same thing.
    “It must’ve been Team Rocket in disguise!” they both said at the same time.
    “There are Team Rocket Members in Fuchsia City?” Janine asked, concerned.
    “I can’t imagine even they’d do something like this.” Harley continued, “That Jumpluff they had was so strong, it was horrifying! If I hadn’t recalled my pokémon in time…I’m sure they…” At that point, Harley tried hard not to cry.
    May looked at Harley with concern. “Harley?”
    Harley didn’t even look at May and buried his face in his hands. “I’m sure they would’ve been killed!”
    The three of them looked at Harley in shock.

    Meanwhile…
    “I was wondering when we’d finally get to this!”
    Two men stood in front of the Fuchsia Contest Hall. One of them had blond hair that stood on end like fire, a black jacket, and yellow band on his left arm (Folly). The other one wore sunglasses, and orange vest, a black shirt, and had his black hair in what appeared to be flattened “ox horns” (Trudly).
    “This is the place, huh, Trudly?” Folly said.
    “The big guy thinks a lot of money goes into these Contest things.” Trudly responded.
    “You seriously think we could pull something like this?”
    “How hard can it be, Folly? Security doesn’t seem like much here, but as long as we’re taking the cash, we may as well grab some ‘stray’ pokémon along the way.”
    “I like this plan!”
    “We should report this to the boss. You know how he is when we’re late.”
    “I hate it when he gets like that.”

    “Did you even get his name?” Janine asked.
    “Yes,” Harley answered, “but I’m not sure if I heard right. He said his name was…Miror B.”
    “Miror B.?” Ash, May, and Janine said.
    “Pika?” Pikachu added on.

    ------------End of Chapter 2------------

    Character Intros:

    Far right: Folly
    2nd from Right: Trudly

    Pokémon:

    Banette

    Ariados

    Bonus Trainer's Choice:

    Ash: Trainers! Which of these pokémon is not a pure grass type?
    A. Cacnea
    B. Jumpluff
    C. Bellossom

    Maddie Blaustein, 1960-2008
    You will be missed.

  13. #13
    BackwardsMan, huh? NoodleChefKyle's Avatar
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    Ash: Okay, trainers! If you chose Jumpluff, you were right!
    "Jumpluff!"

    Chapter 3

    “So let me get this straight, dudes and dudette. Coolness and charismagnetism?”
    Team Rocket was at it again: selling fake pokéblocks for money from an alley, even going the distance by having Wobbuffet dress up in its spy overcoat and hat. Their current target: a tall, skinny man in a blue suit, platform shoes, mirrored sunglasses, and a huge poké ball afro.
    “That’s right,” Jessie spoke enthusiastically, “not only that, but our miracle Pokéblock Gold and Silver also keeps your pokémon strong and healthy.”
    “Act now, and we’ll throw in our limited edition Crystal Pokéblock,” James added on, opening a case of jade blue candies, “as a low calorie snack.”
    “So whaddya say, disco man? Are ya interested?” Meowth chimed in, donning his usual midget fortune teller disguise (at least that’s what I think it is).
    The skinny man put a hand to his chin. “I’m intrigued by your offer…”
    The three looked at him hopefully, but recoiled when he slammed his hands on the table, making the three jump back.
    “…or at least I would be, if it weren’t a total flop!”
    “A…flop, sir?” James asked, almost whimpering.
    “No one pulls a fast one on Miror B. but my daddy! Not only that, but you three are the sorriest excuses for criminals I’ve ever seen! I think it’s time I teach you a lesson.” His sunglasses glinted as he drew a poké ball. “Go, Ludicolo! Water Pulse!”
    “Luuuudi-COLO!”
    A splash was heard from the alley as the Rockets blasted off into the stratosphere.
    “I told you we shouldn’t have pulled this stunt again!” Jessie screamed.
    “I know, but the author didn’t have any other ideas!” James responded, sadly.
    “The really sad part is that this is probably the only screen time we’ll ever have.” Meowth said in disappointment.
    “WOOOOBBUFFET!”
    “Team Rocket’s blasting off again!” The three shouted as they disappeared with their usual “ting.”
    “All right, Ludicolo. Return!” But Ludicolo was dancing so feverishly after its victory that Miror B. couldn’t aim properly.
    “I said return! Return! Return, darn it!”

    “Even Banette?” Brock asked after the group returned to the lobby.
    “Yeah.” Janine responded, “Except for his Octillery, which he never used at the time, all his pokémon were in rough shape.”
    “Who would do something like that?” Max asked.
    “Apparently, the perpetrator said his name was Miror B.”
    “Then we have to find this guy and stop him!” Ash shouted, angrily, “He can’t get away with stuff like this!”
    “Pi, pikachu!” Pikachu agreed.
    “It’s not that easy.” Janine spoke up, “Apparently, this Miror B. fellow strikes only at night and targets coordinators. So where will he strike next?”
    Max responded, “The Contest Hall!”
    “Exactly.” Janine said, “The best of the best are going to be there and odds are our target is gonna be one of them, which is why I’m going to enter the Contest as well.”
    The others looked at Janine skeptically. “But…you’re a gym leader.” Ash said.
    “I know,” Janine said, “but I have to enter in order to find this Miror B. and smoke him out. Besides, not many people come to the gym, so showing off my pokémon’s moves it makes the perfect advertisement!”
    “…I guess that makes sense.” Ash said, feeling a bead of sweat on the back of his head.
    “I’m with you, Janine!” May said, confidently, “I’m going to enter the Fuchsia Contest too! I might as well, otherwise I won’t get my ribbon. Besides, Ash is right. This Miror B. or whatever his name is can’t get away with a stunt like this so I’m going to beat him extra hard!”
    “Good, May.” Janine said, smiling, “I have a feeling that we’re going to need all the help we can get in order to beat Miror B.”
    “Are you two out of your minds?!” Harley shouted from seemingly out of nowhere. His voice made the entire group recoil in horror. “Didn’t you hear a word I said? If he could do what he did to my pokémon, he could do it to yours too! May, this is the first time I’ve been sincere with you in a long while. I really don’t want you to enter this contest. If your pokémon are killed, it’ll be on my consciousness!”
    May looked at Harley in concern, then put a hand on his shoulder and smiled. “Then I’ll just have to win, won’t I?”

    Later, at that same alley…
    “We’ve been looking everywhere for you, boss!”
    Trudly and Folly found Miror B. and his Ludicolo at that same alley around 8:00 pm. Miror B. was in the alley doing a strange twisting disco dance to some Latin music in his boombox and Ludicolo simply joined along, doing his own thing.
    “Uh…sir?” Trudly asked.
    “Stop the music, Ludicolo!” Miror B. shouted. Ludicolo turned off the boombox and walked over to his master. “Now what’s this about, boys?”
    “Well, we did some investigating like you said, boss.” Folly said, “Y’know, about that Pokémon Contest? And it turns out you were right a whole lot of money goes into these things every month.”
    Trudly handed Miror B. some photographs of a safe door from various angles. “Security’s not so good, but the door seems pretty tightly shut. But I imagine with your other pokémon…”
    Miror B. put a hand to Trudly’s face. “Say no more, Trudly. I know just what you’re thinking. We are gonna proceed with the plan as scheduled. I’ve already registered myself into this crazy Contest. I’ll do my part all right, but I’m counting on the two of you to take care of the rest.” He grabs them both by the collars. “Do I make myself clear?!”
    “Yes sir!” They both shouted, and he let them go.
    Miror B. let them both go and smiled. “Excellent. Continue the music, Ludicolo! We’re gonna party ‘til the sun comes up!”
    "LUDICOLO!!!" Ludicolo mashed play on the boombox as he and Miror B. put their weight on it.
    Trudly and Folly both groaned. “Again?”

    ------------End of Chapter 3------------

    Character Introductions:

    Team Rocket
    From Left to Right: Meowth, James, Jessie, Wobbuffet

    Miror B.
    Occupation: Refuses to say

    Ludicolo
    Last edited by NoodleChefKyle; 17th September 2006 at 06:22 PM.

    Maddie Blaustein, 1960-2008
    You will be missed.

  14. #14
    I eat people Ritsuko Okazaki's Avatar
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    I think you should write paragraphs and space out. But anyway, other wise...its good.
    My current avatar is made my primopasso!
    <center><img src="http://i103.photobucket.com/albums/m121/kittycatmew/graphics/tsukixhi_color.png" border=0><br><a href="http://kittycatmew.livejournal.com/30902.html"><small>Tsukimori x Hino is emotional love</small></a></center>

  15. #15
    BackwardsMan, huh? NoodleChefKyle's Avatar
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    Thank you.

    Maddie Blaustein, 1960-2008
    You will be missed.

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