MATURE: Crowley High NC-17
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Thread: Crowley High NC-17

  1. #1
    My boobies are big edeneh's Avatar
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    Default Crowley High NC-17

    I'm writing what pops into my head; I find that being spontaneous gives me the best results.

    The story comprises of 5 daily diary entries; each one written by a different person. There will also be weekend "parties", where I write in the third person about all 5 characters. There will be some talk of sex and drug use, along with suicide, so it's rated NC-17. Tell me what you think, and if you like it then I'll continue :)

    Character Profiles
    Bianca- She is somewhat of a perfectionist. She strives to move to France and become an astrophysicist. She is petite and slim; 5'0", long brown hair and hazel eyes. She is regularly bullied behind her back and is not invited to many parties. She writes her entries in a diary given to her by her grandfather.

    Jacob- He is the ladies man. His spelling is atrocious, and he is known to regularly skip class. Over the summer he hooked up with Kaylee. He cheats on test, but is extremely athletic. He is 6'2", with medium length brown hair (naturally blonde) and blue eyes. He regularly attends parties, where he is known to drink a lot and become violent. He writes his entries on a blog.

    Kaylee- She is the slut of the school; sleeping with every boy who walks in the doors. Her and Bianca grew up together and were best friends for many years, but over time Kaylee grew annoyed of Bianca. She plays the dumb blonde, but she is quite intelligent. She is 5'2", with long blonde hair, blue eyes, and large breasts. She attends many parties, where she sleeps with as many boys as possible. She writes her entries on her walls; they are typically shorter than other entries.

    Anja- She is an outcast from most others, due to her strangeness. She is both the school`s residential atheist and bisexual. Even though she is avoided by almost all, she is the opposite of what you would expect her to be. She is 5`1``, with long black hair and purple eyes (via contact lenses). She wears heavy green eyeliner and bleaches her skin. She does not attend parties. Her entries are told to her pet chinchilla.

    Priscilla- She is Anja`s cousin. She is the complete opposite of her cousin. She is a popular bitch. Like her cousin, she is 5`1`` with long black hair. Her eyes are brown.She holds deep dark secrets about herself. She throws almost all parties. Her entries are written on her school notes in blood.

    Thursday 1 September, 2011


    Dear Diary,
    Today I started school again; it's my fourth and final year! I'm ecstatic as to what this year will be like. I wish for little to no drama. I entered the school today just as the bell was signaling the beginning of classes; I had no time to talk to my friends. I checked my schedule, and saw that my first class was located all the way on the fourth floor of the school! I sprinted up the staircases, passing many confused and lost first years. When I finally got to the fourth floor, I was relieved that my classroom was located directly across from the staircase. I entered the classroom and saw Jacob; he looked so handsome today. His hair was longer since school ended in June; it was past his ears, and he had colored it dark brown. His skin had cleared up, so his big blue eyes glittered and made him look more handsome. I wanted to talk to him, but there were other girls around him talking. I felt a bit of jealousy, however I didn't care; he was just a boy, and those feelings were just chemicals. The teacher came in and told us to sit down, luckily for me the only free seat was at the front of the class beside Jacob. My teacher talked about the history of philosophy somewhat, which was not surprising considering the course title was "University Preparatory Philosophy". I didn't pay too much attention to him, enough to get his name, Mr. Foster. Mr. Foster's somewhat of a strange man. He has these piercing green eyes that you can't help but to stare at. I guess that's the reason why the class was so quiet; they were all staring at Mr. Fosters eyes. The dismissal bell rang, and it was off to adventure toward my next class. I quickly glanced at my schedule; the class just happened to be next door to my own. I walked out and went to my next class: French. This class is the only one I'm taking which is not University Preparatory; it replaces my English class, and you are required to be fluent in French. When I entered nobody was in other than the teacher I've had for the past 3 years; Mme. Chouette. I greeted her with "Bonjour Mme. Chouette. Comment allez-vous ce matin? Comment s'est passé votre été?" As always, she was impressed that my French was perfect; some things never change. As the class started, 5 people I had never seen seemed to have made their way into the classroom. It turns out that the class size is only 6 students! I sat answering Mme. Chouette's questions until dismissal for lunch. At lunch I went to the physics laboratory on the second floor; University Preparatory Physics was always right after lunch. I entered the room and saw Kaylee, whom I had not seen since school ended in June. I called out to her, and we began to catch up. Kaylee is one of my closest friends; I could not live without her. We talked until class started. When class started, our teacher assigned our first project: to build a model rocket. I was ecstatic; I had been watching scientists build rockets in France over the summer. I decide to work on my assignment alone; I work better on my own. We received the kits, and began on our work. It felt as if as soon as I began to build my rocket, it was time for my final class. I checked my schedule, but it said I had no class! At first I worried, but I realized soon after that it was my period off. I went on my way home, and did my physics assignment all night. I hope tomorrow is an amazing day.


    interweb blawgzzzz. yo yo yiggity yo! kso i had skool 2dai nd it wuz sooooooooooooo lame. soooooo in filusufy sum chik i dunno sat wif me nd mi tichur siimd liek such a boar. i wuz txtin this chik i hukd up wif n da sumr. hr naems klii ur sumtin lien dat. shiis hawt. hr titz r huuuuuuuuuuuuuge! liek masiv dubl d. nd shiis blawnd so dats a turnawn. yeeeeeeeee. i wuz suposd 2 go2 histurii aftr but datz lame, so i skipd to skruu klii. it wuz hawt. thurd nd forth i hd hokii nd futbawl so i styd 2 plaii. aftr skool klii caim 2 mai plase nd i skruud hr sum moar. ima do it moar nao. peese.

    Saw that bitch today.
    Was some fun shit.
    Screwed Jacob about 8 times.

    Anja and Priscilla will be added later on if you guys like the way this is so far :)
    Last edited by Dan; 4th May 2011 at 05:02 AM.
    I claimed Victreebel

  2. #2
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Crowley High NC-17

    I really appreciate all the thought and care that obviously went into all of the characters. They all sound very intriguing from a characterization standpoint.

    I also think the diary format of the story is very unique and interesting. I am anxious to see where you go with it and how you handle the story advancing with this system.

    I might suggest more spacing of the text to give the reader's eyes a place to rest, but it's not unacceptable since it's supposed to be a diary of the characters' words. Just a suggestion.

    Overall, I like the idea and I think you have a great start here. Please keep going!

    Coming Soon...


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