Chapter 1: CharmanderAttachment 82870
The capturing and training of pokemon was outlawed the moment they came into our world. All pokemon were to be turned over to the police, but I was never one for following rules.
Amidst the rain was a pokeball for me. Everyone had gotten a single pokeball from the sky. Within the first hour many had already broken theirs, but I still had mine when I found that misfortunate pokemon.
The rain was strong and the trees were few and far between. I saw the Charmander cowering beneath one of them. It was shielding the flame on its tail, which was weak and steaming.
I slowly walked over to it, surprised when it cowered away from me. I wondered if someone had mistreated it. I stripped off my backpack and reached inside for my bag of strawberries. Its nostrils flared at the scent of the fruit. I carefully handed them to it. The Charmander immediately shred the bag and engulfed the berries.
“Do you need help?” I asked it. It didn’t respond but the answer was clear. I pulled off my jacket and held it over the Charmander. “My house isn’t far from here. I have a nice fireplace that you can curl up next to if you’d like.”
“Char!” The pokemon replied excitedly. It began to walk and I kept the jacket over it. I was freezing without my jacket, but at least the pokemon was safe from the rain.
In a of couple minutes we arrived at my house. When I opened the front door Charmander bolted inside. Curled up next to the fire, its tail burned brighter. I sat down next to it. It looked so peaceful and it radiated warmth.
“Hey, Tren, open up!” someone called from the front door. It was Lenden. What did he want? Charmander glanced over, then gazed back at the fireplace.
There was a good chance Lenden had caught a pokemon, and was here to see if I still had my pokeball. If he found Charmander I wasn’t sure what he’d do to it. He wasn’t the nicest of people.
I took the pokeball out of my backpack. It was time.
Lenden banged on the door. “I said open up, Tren! I know you’re in there.”
I stood, took a deep breath and threw the ball. With surprising speed, Charmander saw the ball and rolled out of the way. The ball bounced off the floor and rolled over to the fireplace. I moved to grab it. Charmander opened its mouth and a stream of fire burst out, blocking my path to the pokeball.
That’s when Lenden broke down the door. “There you are,” he said, grinning. A Drowzee walked in behind him. He did have a pokemon after all.
I turned to Charmander. “Go!” I whispered. “Get out of here.”
Charmander looked between me and Lenden. It grabbed my coat and wrapped it around itself. I could see the material darken where the flame of his tail was. He jumped through the window, disappearing into the night.
“And who was that?” Lenden asked in a pseudo-pleasant voice.
“What are you talking about?” I asked innocently.
“Well, there’s a big hole in your window. I’m assuming you haven’t taken up the hobby of breaking windows.”
“Cut the crap, get out of my house before I call the police and report you and your pokemon.”
He made a tsk sound and stepped toward me. “Now that hardly seems necessary. Besides, I see you still have your pokeball. Are you going to give that to them while you’re at it?”
I stepped between him and my pokeball.
“My patience wears thin,” he sighed. “Drowzee, if you please.”
Drowzee raised his three fingered hand. It began to shimmer and the pokeball rose from the ground. It flew around me and into Lenden’s hand.
“Give that back!” I yelled. I ran at him.
“Confusion,” Lenden said firmly.
My vision spun and I tripped, hitting the floor hard. I struggled to my knees.
I felt my muscles growing weak. My vision began to blur. I tried as hard as I could to stay awake but before long I collapsed to the floor and fell asleep.
Re: Conflict Evolved
Chapter 2: Nidoran♂Attachment 82947
When I woke up Lenden was gone. I stood up and slowly sat back down in a nearby chair. There was a bump on my forehead from hitting the floor. I put my hand over it and tried to think.
Lenden had my pokeball. He had a Drowzee and he wanted more. He knew that Charmander had been in my house. The first thing he would probably do was go after it. I had to stop him, assuming he hadn't found it already.
I had no idea where either of them had gone. Looking at the clock I could see it had been over an hour since I was knocked out. I stood up and looked out the window. There was smoke in the distance. It was true that Charmander wasn’t the only fire pokemon around, but at the same time there weren’t a whole lot.
I didn’t have a jacket since Charmander took my only one. Thankfully the rain had stopped. I walked outside, feeling the moist air against my skin. I headed in the direction of the smoke.
I soon realized that this was the same way I usually walked to school. Could it be that Charmander had ended up there? Had Lenden chased him to the school?
My questions were soon answered when I saw the school on fire. The whole place was being consumed by the flames. I rushed inside.
The cry came from the second floor. I dashed up the stairs, three at a time. Charmander was backed into the corner of the hall, along with a second, yellow Charmander and a male Nidoran. Lenden and his Drowzee stood before them.
I tackled Lenden to the ground. Drowzee turned in surprise.
“Get off me!” Lenden demanded.
“Run!” I yelled.
“No! Not again!” Lenden had none of his usual composure, which was to be expected as he was struggling to get to his feet.
The two Charmander began to run for the stairwell. The yellow one stopped and signalled for the Nidoran to follow.
Drowzee lifted me off of Lenden with its psychic powers. The yellow Charmander gestured anxiously.
“Drowzee,” Lenden began, “poison gas!”
From the Drowzee’s trunk came a cloud of purple gas. Both Charmander ran off, hesitantly leaving the Nidoran behind.
I choked on the gas. It tasted wretched. If it didn’t let up soon then I’d be done for.
“You won’t interfere again,” said Lenden.
He was going to kill me.
Nidoran tackled Drowzee, cutting off its poison gas. I coughed desperately, trying to get as much of the gas out as I could. When I could breathe again I looked at the Nidoran, who now stood by my side.
“You’re protecting me?” It nodded. “But I’m not your trainer.” It nodded again. “Alright.”
Nidoran was a poison-type and Drowzee was a psychic-type, which meant Drowzee had the upper hand. Taking it out wasn’t an option here. I had two choices. The first was to take Nidoran and run. The second…
I pointed at Lenden. “Nidoran, poison sting!” A small stinger flew out of Nidoran’s horn and toward Lenden.
“Drowzee-!” Lenden began.
We could hear the sirens approaching. If they found us here, with pokemon...
“I’ll see ya later,” I said.
We fled the building.
Lenden leaned back against the tree. He rolled up his sleeve, revealing the stinger lodged in his arm. His skin was growing a dark purple colour around the stinger.
“Drowzee,” he said. “I need you to remove this.”
Drowzee edged closer to him. It wrapped its fingers around the stinger and pulled. He ground his teeth. It felt like it was clinging to his skin. He gasped as it finally came free. The stinger was now out but the poison remained.
He chuckled. “Looks like my adventure was short-lived, huh?”
Something came out of a nearby bush. It looked like a pile of vines. Tangela. Drowzee moved to stand between it and Lenden.
“Don’t bother, Drowzee,” said Lenden. “It can’t make things much worse now, can it?” Drowzee looked at him sadly.
The Tangela approached. A vine emerged from its body and moved toward the wound in Lenden’s arm. A beam of red light shot from it. Lenden felt no pain as the poison slowly left his system. After several moments the Tangela collapsed. It didn’t take all the poison, but it was enough.
“You absorbed the poison,” Lenden observed. “You saved me.”
It didn’t respond, too weak to move. Lenden took out his recently stolen pokeball. “Thank you, Hope,” he said, and tossed the pokeball at the Tangela, capturing it.
Re: Conflict Evolved
I like the plot (two outlaw Pokemon trainers continuing their journey in a world where Pokemon capturing and training is banned). Your grammar's pretty solid too. And your characters seem to be pretty realistic and solid.
Some problems I saw, the chapters were bit fast paced and a bit short.
One huge thing, put a space between each new paragraphs so you don't have a wall of text. Also, each speaker has a new paragraph.
Finally, there's almost no exposition that shows where this is set. A little more won't hurt but don't go overboard with it.
Re: Conflict Evolved
Thanks for your feedback. I didn't notice that the paragraphs were missing. Looks like it gets rid of the indents between word and the forums. I'll try to find a way to correct that in the future. I'll look into a prologue or something that will talk about where this takes place. Something short though, if anything. And as for the fast paced chapters, that is a habit I've had with all my books that i've written, and it shows the most with this story. I'm always trying to work on it but I can't promise anything.
Re: Conflict Evolved
Re: Conflict Evolved
Thanks! I'll try to update it soon, I'm just busy right now.