15th August 2011, 07:48 PM #1
ill suffer forever
WARNING: GAY ACTIONS IN HERE, DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE HOMOPHOBIC.
I sat on the balcony of the hotel I was staying at. I sighed as my thoughts raced through my mind like lightning. I looked down at all the people. There was a beach at the hotel I was staying at. All the people looked like ants, tiny little ants. I felt a tap on my shoulder and I jumped. I turned around to see who it was. I smiled as it was my best friend, Chaz Somers. He was my best friend. I could talk to him about anything and he wouldn't judge me for it.
''Hey, Chaz,'' I said, smiling. Chaz sat down.
''What are you thinking about?" He asked. I felt a lump in my throat. I was thinking about him. I had a crush on him, for the longest time now. I thought he had such pretty eyes. His hair was so handsome, and...his smile. Oh, don't get me started. His smile could go for miles...when I see him smile, my heart starts racing and practically jumping out of my chest. I gulped, trying to push away those thoughts.
''Oh...n-nothing, really,'' I lied. I couldn't tell Chaz what I was thinking about. Chances are, he'd be totally freaked out and avoid me. And I at least wanted to cherish our friendship while it lasted, before I told him my confession... Chaz nodded. It was the evening. The sunset was setting. With the two of us just sitting there, the tension was very awkward, as we didn't say much. Sure, we were best friends, but right now, there wasn't really much to talk about. I sighed, and got up, Chaz did as well. I walked inside and stretched. I yawned. I was starting to get a bit tired.
''Hey, Chaz, I think I'm gonna turn in,'' I said. He nodded. ''Ok. Have a good sleep!'' He smiled that cute, cheeky smile and I walked up to bed, did all the preperations and then climbed into bed.
Sadly as much as I wanted to sleep, I just couldn't. I had Chaz on my mind all the time. I just couldn't get him off my mind, no matter how much I wanted to. I wanted to sleep. But...Chaz was just constantly in my mind. He was what kept me up all night a lot of the times. Oh, and did I mention Chaz was staying in the same hotel as me this summer? And the most awkward thing was, it was a one bed hotel. And when Chaz found that out, he refused to sleep on the couch, for who knows what reason.
So now I had to face the facts. I realized I had liked Chaz after a dare. It was at a party.
[Justin's POV: FlashBack]
I sat on the couch, Chaz sitting next to me. There were a whole bunch of people sitting there as well. We were playing truth or dare. I had really hoped the bottle didn't hit me. Unfortunately, it did. One of the guys had dared me to kiss Chaz. On the lips. I winced. I really didn't want to. I wasn't into guys at that time. But it was a dare, so I had to. I looked towards Chaz, and before I could say anything, Chaz had smashed his lips onto mine. He obviously wasn't sober, i could tell because his breath had the taste of heavy liqour. I was shocked, but kissed back. I then had pulled away, and I realized something. I realized...that I liked Chaz. I felt the sparks in that kiss. Maybe Chaz did as well but then again, he probably didn't like me.
END OF FLASHBACK, BACK TO REALITY: [Justin's POV]
The party was about 3 months ago. We hadn't spoke much after the party, after that had happened. Chaz didn't even remember what had happened, because he was so drunk. I didn't tell him about it, until one of his idiot friends decided to mention it. I told him it was true. He was immiedately angry at himself, for what he had done. I told him it was just a dare, and he was so drunk he didn't remember it. He had understood. But he was still shocked at what happened. His friend told him what happened about 3 weeks after the party.
We had decided to still be friends, and not to let that little harmless kiss ruin our friendship. It was just a dare to him after all...wasn't it?
The next morning, I woke up. I saw Chaz sleeping on the pillow next to mine. I blushed lightly, he looked so cute, so...handsome and delicate. I looked away and yawned. I hadn't gotten very much sleep last night, because Chaz was on my mind...all night. I stretched and walked in the bathroom. I looked at the reflection of me in the mirror. From my point of view, I looked awful. My hair was a mess and my eyes looked bloodshot. My skin looked pale and I looked as if I was deadly sick. But, I wasn't. I just had to get more sleep...right?
I yawned again, and groggily walked out of the bathroom. I saw Chaz now awake. He got up from the bed and saw me. He smiled. ''Hey, Justin,'' he said. ''Did you get a goo-'' He started to ask me something, but walked closer to me and his eyes grew wide.
I bit my lip. ''What is it?" I asked him. He put his hand over my face sleepily, and started moving it around. I put his hand down to his side.
''Your eyes are totally bloodshot, and your skin...it looks so pale,'' He said. His voice was quiet, kind of a whisper. I sighed and bit my lip, looking at the ground.
''Y...yeah,'' I said quietly back. I put my head down. I couldn't think of anything else to say about it. And if he asked me why, well...I'd just have to lie again, wouldn't I? Everytime he asked me something, and he was the reason why, I'd always lie. And he was so gullible. He fell for it everytime.
He lifted my head up. ''W...why? Why haven't you been sleeping well?" He asked me. I bit my lip hard, nervously. I grew nervous and my palms started to sweat. I couldn't think of a lie. He had noticed something was wrong with me right off the bat. I sighed. I would just have to tell him the truth.
''Sit down on the bed...and I...I'll t-tell you,'' I said nervously. Chaz sat on the bed and I sat next to him, a few inches away. My breaths were slow, nervous.
''Well...t-the reason I haven't been sleeping well...'' I started to say, my voice quiet as a mouse, ''Is because...is because of you.'' I bit my lip. I hoped he'd understand why just by that sentence. He looked at me and I looked at him. His eyes were dark brown, kind of a chocolate brown like mine.
''What do you mean...because of me?" He asked me. I sighed and got closer to him. A lump in my throat built, just like yesterday, when he had asked me what I was thinking about.
''I can...n-never sleep good at night. You're always racing through my mind...y-your handsome, brown eyes...your... sweet smile...your cute laugh...and...just...everything about you is always in my mind.''
Chaz looked at me with a look of confusion and interest. I licked my lips nervously.
''So, what you're saying, Justin, is...you like me?" The lump in my throat grew bigger, and my heart started to pound fast, as if it would jump out of my chest in any minute. My eyes grew hard. I nodded. ''Y...yeah. I do.''
He smiled. ''So do I.'' My heart raced and started to pound even harder. My eyes grew even wider. He looked deep into my eyes. I couldn't believe what I just heard. I couldn't believe he liked me back. Chaz kissed my cheek and got up. He started to walk out, but as soon as he was at the door, he winked. My heart melted...and soon he was at the door. I still couldn't believe he liked me. How long had he liked me? And...what if he was just...lying? No... Chaz isn't like that. i took a deep breath, pushed the thoughts away and walked after Chaz and into the kitchen.
17th August 2011, 10:41 AM #2
ill suffer forever
I got a new chapter, and have to update. Hope that's alright ^^''
After we got into the kitchen, I sat on the stool. I was deep in thought. i couldn't believe what Chaz had told me. I still couldn't. It was just....like, a miracle. Chaz perked my head up and smiled.
''Don't look so down,'' he said and I nodded. I couldn't be so sad...especially around the guy I loved. it was rude.
I got up and looked through the cabinets, finding some strawberry poptarts. I took some out and started to eat them. I sat down at the stool and ate the poptart, crumbs getting everywhere. Chaz chuckled and sat down closely next to me.
''Aren't you going to get breakfast?" I asked him. He shook his head. ''I don't eat breakfast.'' I was worried about that, but whatever he chose was his choice, not mine, so i decided to say nothing. But I couldn't get the fact that he liked me out of his head. It was just...so amazing. I decided to say something about it to him.
''H...hey, Chaz, when you said you liked me....'' I started to say, and Chaz perked up, looking at me curiously, ''...is...that true?" Chaz chuckled a cute little chuckle, a quiet one and smiled. He put my poptart down and put his hands on my face.
''If that was a lie, why would I do...this?" He crashed his lips onto mine. I gasped, shocked, but kissed back. His lips tasted...l-like licorice. Sweet, sweet licorice, or some kind of candy. His lips felt so good against mine....it felt right. His lips started to kiss mine harder. I felt his tongue begging for an entrance, so I let him.
His tongue snaked across mine slowly, it felt so good... I put my arms around his neck. I pulled my lips away though, starting to feel out of breath. That was amazing...what he did. I never would've expected that to happen. I sighed and smiled.
''I guess I take that as a yes,'' i chuckled and put my arms to my side. Chaz let go as well and blushed.
''S...sorry about that, but...I just had to prove it to you.'' I nodded. I understood. I would've done that as well. I got up, no longer feeling hungry for my poptart and Chaz followed. We both sat on the couch. I smiled. I felt so happy with Chaz.
But, then I froze. I don't know how I had forgotten, but...a few days ago, Scooter set me up with world famous singer, Selena Gomez. He did that to fool people into thinking I was completely straight. But that was a total lie. I tensed up as Chaz put his arms around mine. I felt so betrayed. I bit my lip nervously.
Chaz felt me tense up. ''What is it?" He asked me. I just shook my head and ran up to my room where we both stayed in, shut the door, locked it and hid under the blankets. I lay there in thought. I felt awful for what I did.
I felt the door trying to be open, then a knock.
''Justin? Open the door, please!'' He beckoned. I sighed and licked my lips.
''No...I need some time alone,'' I told him. I heard Chaz sigh and I knew he was sitting down now, back against the door.
I couldn't tell Chaz what I had done to him....he'd feel awful. I sighed. It felt as if I was in a love triangle.... and it would just go on and on.