The Colors of a Champion.

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  1. #1
    追放されたバカ Elementary Penguin's Avatar
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    Default The Colors of a Champion.

    Hi every one. This is my fic, and I hope you guys enjoy it.
    The first volume is named:

    Vol. 1: The Astronomer





    Chapter One: Red’s Challenge


    Red walked up to the front of the Gym in Pewter City. He gripped his belt and pulled it up. His black hair gleamed in the sunlight, and his rather small, 4’11 stature of a 12 year old pulsed as he breathed hard. Red was a Pokemon trainer, and he was coming to train at this Gym.

    Poke-Gyms are where trainers in cities gathered, and they were led by Leaders, the most skilled trainer in the land. There were rules, however. The leaders have to only train Pokemon native to their region. Although there were 4 regions discovered, the rule kept Gym’s Pokemon varied.

    Red walked towards the door. It swung open, mechanically. Red stepped inside, looking down a short corridor. On one side, there was a boys room and a girls room, and on the other, there was a storage closet. And at the end, the was a wide door with loud sounds coming from behind it. Red looked it down, and turned and ran away, out the door.

    Red bent and panted outside on a rock. He was suddenly afraid. “No, I don’t want to do it.” Red told himself. But he knew he must. Red lived in the slums of Pewter City. He didn’t go to school like most people of his age, as his father just couldn’t afford the cost of everything. The only choice a boy in his position could do is attempt to become successful at Pokemon training, but even that wasn’t easy.

    Pokemon were creatures much like animals, but had very uneven molecular states, and they weren’t easily contained. That’s when people decided to use their power for battling and sport, an such. Pokemon were less common than regular animals, and such were never really kept as pets. Dogs and cats could do that. The Pokemon business wasn’t an extreme part of the world’s culture, but it was there. The industry for pets and animals was more of a focus then Pokemon battling.

    “Meow!” Calico, Red’s cat said. Red stroked the cat on his shoulder. He carried Fluffy around in Pewter. He loved Fluffy more then any of his Pokemon. But, Red knew, he would have to leave Fluffy at home when he began to travel. This saddened Red, and Red wasn’t excited about it, but it’d have to do.

    “I know, girl, I’ve got to go in there. I’ve got to brave it.” Red told Calico. Calico purred. Red was getting up to go inside, when he saw some water coming from a pipe that led from the Pewter Gym. This stopped Red in his tracks. “I thought this was a rock-type gym.”

    Suddenly the doors swung open, and a girl came out, cradling a Bulbasaur in her arms. “Hey.”

    “Uh, Hi, what’s wrong?” Red asked the girl.

    “Nothing. I’m actually happy.” The girl let out a small smile. “A technique I’ve decided to try out worked against that leader. See?” She showed Red a badge.

    “Whoa, nice badge! What’d you do?” Red asked excitedly

    The girl set her Bulbasaur down, and smiled. “I’ll show you, but you won’t believe it.” She clapped, and her Bulbasaur let out a powerful stream of water at the rock Red had been sitting on. The grass type, Bulbasaur, was using Water Gun.

    TO BE CONTINUED:

  2. #2
    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    It's good, kinda like my fic, but Red has different pokemon, the thing that really got me laughing was the boulbasour that could use water gun.

  3. #3
    追放されたバカ Elementary Penguin's Avatar
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    To Elleryferrer:
    Thax for the review, but I want to make one thing clear:
    I didn't copy the ideas from your fic, you can ask DashingFox, I've been writing this fic for a while.

    But thax for the review!

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    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    No I wasn't saying that, I was just saying that the idea of the fic is kinda of alike, not that you copy, don't misunderstand.

  5. #5
    追放されたバカ Elementary Penguin's Avatar
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    Ok, sorry my bad.

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    Registered User pikachu200's Avatar
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    This is great keep writing

  7. #7
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    Pretty good BB. Keep it up. The girl's Yellow right?

  8. #8
    追放されたバカ Elementary Penguin's Avatar
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    New one, COMING SOON! w00t!

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    Bloody Melt
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    While I usually try to stalk the fanfics of new authors, I have come to yours randomly as there's no new food. Okay, onto the review. Spelling's fine, grammar's fine except for this:

    Quote Originally Posted by Bulbabuddy View Post
    On one side, there was a boys room and a girls room, and on the other, there was a storage closet.
    Well, you could say "there was a room for boys and one for girls" or "there was a boys' room and a girls' room". But I'm elaborating too much on a minor mistake, aren't I? Anyway, like I said, spelling's cool, grammar's great but description...I've seen your first works on Bulbapedia. Back then, your description rocked and it does now. While I don't seem to notice much description on objects, the feelings of the characters are conveyed well. And the way you ended your chapter, I want to read more. That's exactly why chapters were invented. They make the reader want to read more.

    But, as an author, you don't want to hear that. You want to learn about your mistakes. While I can't think of anything right now, I'll think of something in your later chapters. I don't know any author who doesn't make mistakes.
    If ya need me, I'm probably playing some Mann vs Machine: http://steamcommunity.com/id/optimatum

  10. #10
    追放されたバカ Elementary Penguin's Avatar
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    Chapter Two: For Real

    “How’d you do that?” Red was amazed. He’d never seen a Pokemon use such a powerful move that wasn’t its type.

    The girl smiled. Then she broke out into a full grin. “Ahh, you wouldn’t be able to understand.” And with that, she walked away. Red was baffled, but the encounter gave a new spirit of battle. Red walked into the gym, down the hallway. Red pushed open the door, and saw a few dusty dirt-battlefields with trainers battling on it. Calico got spooked.

    “Mrow!” Calico jumped off Red’s shoulder. She ran behind a tall man, in his twenty’s.

    “I’m so sorry!” Red ran over and picked her up. The man smiled at him.

    “Oh, that’s okay. I like cats.” The man said. “I’m Brock, this gym’s leader!”

    Red was startled by the sudden revelation. He didn’t say anything at first, then he snapped out of his little shocked trance. “I’m Red, and… I would like a badge, by beating you in a battle, sir.” Brock began to walk to another room at the end of the battlefields. The doors swung open, and Red tried to follow, but Brock yelled over his shoulder.

    “You’ve to beat one of my trainees first.” The doors closed. Red looked at one of the gym trainers. The trainer looked back.

    “All right, let’s get this on. Over here!” Red walked over to the battlefield. “Okay, let’s go, Corsola!” The trainer let out his spiky creature.

    “Mrow!” Calico was spooked by the sudden appearance.

    “Calm down, girl. It’ll be all right. Let’s go… Buzzy!” Red released his bumble bee Pokemon. It buzzed. Red smiled. “I never remember how much fun this is.”

    “Okay, Corsola, take care of that Combee with water gun!” Corsola spat out a powerful jet of water. It was aiming straight at Buzzy. Buzzy swerved out of the way, then returned to normal battle position. “Again!” Corsola tried again, only with Buzzy moving out of the way!

    “Fly in!” Red yelled.

    “Meow!” Calico jumped upright on Red’s shoulders and began to cheer for Buzzy. Buzzy flew in fast at the Corsola.

    “Water Gun!” Corsola shot out a stream of water, and Combee swerved aside. Corsola tried once more, but this time, Buzzy was sent careening from the hit.

    “Buzzy!”

    TO BE CONTINUED…
    Last edited by Elementary Penguin; 29th November 2008 at 10:23 AM.

  11. #11
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    Ah! Nice too see one of Red's Pokemon. Also nice to see that you did put pokemon from other regions in the story.

  12. #12
    追放されたバカ Elementary Penguin's Avatar
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    Chapter 3: Red’s Debut

    Buzzy tried to stabilize himself as he was flying out of control. “Comb!” Corsola cried out happily as Buzzy was yelling in pain.

    “Buzzy, use Sting!” Buzzy finally became steady, and flew at the Corsola.

    “Corsola, Water Gun!” Corsola shot water at Buzzy, but he flew out of the way. Buzzy didn’t actually have a stinger, but they called a body slam sting because of the pain’s effect. Buzzy zeroed in fast. “Again!” Corsola shot again. Buzzy dodged, and Corsola jumped out of the way as Buzzy came in.

    “Mrow!” Calico yelled as Red jumped out of excitement of the battle.

    “Sorry, Calico. Buzzy, again!” Red said. Buzzy flew in at Corsola.

    “Water Gun!” Corsola spat another jet of water as Buzzy dodged, than hit Corsola. “NO!” The trainer yelled. Corsola fell backward.

    “Buzzy, excellent job. Gust! Finish him!” Buzzy batted his little wings fast. A stream of air Corsola, and the final blow delivered insult to injury. Corsola fainted there on the spot.

    “No!” The trainer picked up his Corsola after running up to it. Red returned his Buzzy, giving it praise as he did.

    “Hey, thank-you for the battle.” Red told the trainer. The trainer glanced up at him.

    “Yeah, you too. You can go to Brock now…” Red nodded and began to walk away from the dirty field and up to the pewter door.

    “I just won my first battle in a gym!” Red told himself as he walked to the door. Red couldn’t believe it. He new he was pretty good back in the slums, but he was fighting street kids there. Orphans. The kids who would probably grow up to become criminals. But here Red was, and he’d defeated a trainer who was training under a champion of Rock-Types. Red reached the door, and pressed the button. The doors flew open. Brock was sitting reading the paper at one end of the field.
    “D’you beat one of my trainers already?” Brock looked surprised.

    “Yes, I did. He was actually not very much a challenge.” Red replied.

    “Oh, was he, now. Okay, rookie, let’s see what you’ve got!”

    TO BE CONTINUED

  13. #13
    Yawn.
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    Another good chapter. It could have been a bit longer though, especially the battle. I can't wait to see the match against Brock.

  14. #14
    追放されたバカ Elementary Penguin's Avatar
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    Every one, I want you all to know my next chapters will be longer! Here goes nothing!

    Chapter 4: Brock Rocks!

    Red positioned himself across from Brock. Brock’s chair creaked as he straightened himself up in the chair. He pushed it away, stood, then slammed his hands down on the platform looking down into the rocky stadium. “Well, we’ll each use two Pokemon, how bout that?” Red shook his head.

    “I’ve only one.” Red felt ashamed. He looked down at the stadium. Brock’s eyes glinted.

    “Which of my trainer’s D’you happen to fight?” Brock asked Red.

    “The one with the Corsola.” Red told him. Red didn’t like Brock’s look on his face.

    “You defeated my best trainee with one Pokemon? Very few people can defeat that Corsola. Hmm, surprising. Well, I’m going to use two. You can do what you will.” Brock immediately threw down a poke ball, and Red followed suit. Buzzy burst from his capsule, and an Omanyte burst out of Brock’s. “Let’s get rolling, shall we? Ommy, use Water Gun!”

    “Buzzy, let’s use Sweet Scent!” Ommy’s water flew past Buzzy as he buzzed to the side. Buzzy sprayed a pollen-like substance at Ommy. Ommy instantly ceased his attack. Ommy began to swirl around, subdued.

    “Nice trick, rookie. It won’t work. Water Gun!” Brock said confidently. Ommy didn’t listen. Brock looked shocked. “Water Gun!” No effect. “Water Gun!” Ommy just kept dancing in a happy trance.

    “Wow, now’s our chance, Buzzy! Sting!” Buzzy flew in at Ommy. Ommy went flying away.

    “Ok, you win that one. But no more crap. This is a rock gym, and I’ll use rock moves! Ommy! Rock Edge!” Brock smirked. Ommy, broken from the trance by the hit let out a giant rock and it’s edge slammed into the close-to-ground Buzzy. Buzzy was sent careening away. “That’s what you get, you worthless bee! And, you, rookie, what’s with the cat?” Calico was sleeping on the counter.

    “I’m sorry, she’s my cat, and I carry her around with me. It doesn’t matter. Forget about her. Buzzy, get in the air again!” Red commanded. Buzzy struggled and his wings were beating, trying to fly.

    “Stone Edge!” Brock yelled. Red’s heart stopped as Ommy produced another large, flat, rock.

    “No! Don’t crush it!” Red hurdled over the platform like a monkey and pushed kicked Ommy away.

    “What the heck are you doing?” Brock yelled. Red picked up Buzzy and put him back into the poke ball. He glared at Brock.

    “You would’ve hurt Buzzy really bad, if not kill him! What kind of person would do that?” Red yelled at Brock.

    “Listen, rookie. I had to knock it out for me to win. That, or you would forfeit…”

    “Fine! I forfeit!” Red yelled at Brock and he swiped the startled Calico from the counter, and stormed out the gym without looking back. It was afternoon in Pewter, and the buzz of the city was coming from down the hill. Red preceded down the smaller road until he reached the city. Red was going to go home, to try to tell his father what had happened. But, near the middle of the city, Red saw the girl with the Water-Gunning Bulbasaur go into a big building through a back entrance.

    “Hey, I recognize that building… Isn’t that the Pewter Museum?” Red asked himself. Red was baffled y this girl’s actions, so he decided to investigate. He let Calico down, and she ran off. She’d find her way back, Red knew, and besides, cats weren’t allowed in the museum. He didn’t have any money, so he was going to have to sneak in…

    TO BE CONTINUED…
    Last edited by Elementary Penguin; 2nd December 2008 at 04:41 PM.

  15. #15
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    Wow. Good chapter.
    So Red only has one Pokemon... Hmmm.
    You called Stone Edge, Rock Edge at first.
    Wow, O_o, that was freaky how Red freaked out like that. And funny too.
    He's going to sneak into the museum? He doesn't seem like such a nice protagonist after this chapter.
    The lenght and content was a bit better this time. Try to make the next one just a bit longer. A really good job.

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