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Thread: A Child Like No Other (Added Adition! Parts 1-3, ENDING!) Updated!! (1/20/2013)

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    The 'unShiny' Umbreon! unShinyUmbreon's Avatar
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    Default A Child Like No Other (Added Adition! Parts 1-3, ENDING!) Updated!! (1/20/2013)

    Hello there! Most of you probably don't know me. I'm in to the whole writing thing, just like many of you! Here goes my creativity:

    No copyright intended! This was produced merely out of creativity, all credit goes to it's respective owners, for I own NOTHING!

    NOTICE: You will also notice that I use the same regions and gym leaders! Even know this is fan fiction, I wanted to keep some originality, but at the same time change up and back a fan-fiction storyline!

    EDIT: (1/16/2013) Hello again! I would just like to say, I have decided to add on to this story. If you have read the beginning already, then just skip down to see what happens next!

    Below is the characters list, just to give you some imagery. It lists all of the relevant characters of all of the chapters so far! Images come directly from pokecheck, and are avatars seen in either the anime/games. No copyright intended! I own nothing! Now I know the characters avatars seem a little silly since some of them are clearly the main characters from the anime/game. But--Eh. I just wanted to give this thread some more image. I mean, Todd as Red is sort of silly. Same for Ren as Blue.

    Todd & his Pokemon:



    Todd's previously owned Pokemon:


    Ren & his Pokemon:



    Alice & her Pokemon:



    Johto Gym Leader Morty & his Pokemon:



    A Child Like No Other

    Prologue:

    I didn't know what to do. All of my friends had made it in, as if it were a secret club or organization of some kind. It was as if I were left behind.
    Ren, my close friend had recieved his first Pokemon just a few months ago. I wonder where he is now, but wherever he may be, I know that he
    is having a blast, while I sit here, and just do nothing.

    My parents didn't give consent to me going on my own journey. How could they? My mother was a coordinator growing up, and my father is a gym leader, or at least was, until he retired. Now, my older brother runs the gym. I'm so compelled to feel jealousy, they give my older brother a chance, but not me?

    Professor Odner had three of them, set and ready. All I had to do was take a quick bike ride to the town over and I would have my first Pokemon.
    Until one day, I made a desicion. That was exactly what I did.

    Main Storyline:

    "Go Eevee!" I shouted. "Use tackle!"
    The attack missed, and Ren's Umbreon retaliated with it's bite attack. Eevee flinched, but then re-drew it's stance.

    "You ready?" Ren smiled.
    "Umbreon! Use quick attack!"

    "Eevee, counter it, with your quick attack!"
    That order, was most likely not the best for me to shout to Eevee, who fainted shortly after Umbreon's burst of speed.

    "Eevee, that was awesome...But, for now rest. We'll get them next time!"
    I then withdrew Eevee back in to it's pokeball.

    "That was good, but your Eevee isn't quite there yet. You'll get the hang of battling soon."
    Ren encouraged.

    "Ha, ha...Thanks."
    I replied.

    "So, have you heard anything from your parents yet?"
    Ren then asked.

    "No."
    I replied, with a slight misfact. My parents had called my pokegear several times today, but I just couldn't find it in my heart to pick up.

    Ren and I then made our way to the next city, Goldenrod.
    Along the way, we had a long conversation about my Eevee. He had wondered why I had chosen to use it more than my actual starter type. My answer was, since his starter pokemon was a gift from his father, his Umbreon which was once an Eevee like mine, I had chosen to immitate the making.

    "So, which evolution are you going to let your Eevee become?"
    Ren asked.

    "I don't know, I really never thought about it..."

    "Are you kidding me?" He shouted. "You SHOULD be thinking about it every day! Your Eevee evolving will make you and your partner stronger!"

    "Ha, ha...I know...What are the evolutions again?" I asked, even though I liked Eevee the way it was, I was open to new things. It was funny, I had even asked Eevee how evolution sounded, it jumped for joy at the very minute, I just wasn't sure."

    Ren then gave me his knowledge. "Eevee has m-a-n-y different evolutions. Which is good! That means more possibilities."
    He then continued,
    "When you and your Eevee have obtained a strong friendship like Umbreon and I, it can either evolve in to Umbreon the dark type, or Espeon the psychic type! Depending if the sun is out or not."

    "Espeon...Hm..." I thought to myself.
    I didn't want to immitate him that far, so I refrained from choosing Umbreon.

    Ren then told me about Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon. They sounded pretty cool, although Flareon was out of the question. I didn't want two fire types.
    After that, he had mentioned two other evolutions that were impossible for a child my age, it required me having to go to a far away land.

    When we had reached Goldenrod City, I couldn't believe what was before me. My older brother and my parents. They had been waiting in front of the Pokemon center, and have stayed there over night. But how did they know I would be coming to this town? Ren looked at me and with serious eyes he said, "You have to confront them sometime...I'll be there by your side."

    And from that very moment on, my family had seen living proof of how strong I had become.
    My mother said I was a child like no other. She was right, because this time nothing was getting in my way.
    ________________________________________________________________________________________________

    A Child Like No Other: Part 2 -- "The Mischievous Misdrevous and Legendary Suicune"

    Main Story:

    With Espeon and Quilava by my side, I felt unstopable. After a long banter back and forth with my worried mother a few months back, I had finally convinced her to let me grow up, just like Tomas, my older brother. Ren and I had decided to go our separate ways. I still had to collect the remaining four gym badges, and he was on his way to the Pokemon League, the Indigo Plateau! His team, might I say, was amazing. His Umbreon, Kingdra and Ampharos were the best. But, if I wanted to ever measure up to Ren, having just two pokemon wouldn't cut it.

    I had spent to much time in Goldenrod, and it was time to aim for my fourth gym badge, which was the ghost type gym in Ecruteak city. I didn't know how to prepare, mainly because none of my Pokemon knew any moves that would greatly effect a ghost type Pokemon. Espeon seemed out of the question, since Psychic types wouldn't exactly do well. And Quilava wasn't as experienced in gym battles, which my completely my fault.

    So I decided to go out with a pokeball ready in my hand, and Quilava by my side.
    It was at dawn, there I saw her. A beautiful Pokemon, that would be perfect as an addition to my team. Misdreavus hovered back and forth through the trees.

    "Hey!" I shouted, catching it's attention.
    "Over here!"

    Misdreavus shot me a look, and made it's way from me. I started to run after it, as it picked up it's pace.
    "No! Stop! I want to be your friend!"

    "Well, you're going to have to find a different Misdreavus." A voice entered out of nowhere, and then a girl about my height walked out from behind a tree.
    "My name is Alice."

    "Oh, hello. My name is Todd!" I said.
    "Is this your pokemon?" I asked.

    "Bt of course! And by the looks of it, you were trying to steal my Misdreavus!" she accused me of.
    "Mis, Mis!" Her Pokemon added.

    "I didn't know...I apologize!" I said, begging to convince her that I wasn't a theif.

    "Ha ha, no worries. I believe you, besides I don't want to cause trouble or anything." she smiled.

    "So are you from around here?" I asked.

    "No, I come from a far away land, Hoenn to be exact."
    She started to walk along with me.

    "Oh, I never heard of that place."

    "You never heard of Hoenn? You should totally visit one day! Hoenn has a lot of beautiful Pokemon, and you look like a decent trainer, Todd. How many badges do you have?"

    "Only three so far. I'm going to Ecruteak to obtain my forth!" I said with in confidence.

    "Ah, so you want to go up against my cousin Morty, is that right?" she stated.

    "If he is the gym leader, then I can't hold back! I'll give it my all!"

    "Well, what pokemon are you using?" Alice asked.

    "Well, Quilava here." Quilava then walked from behind me.

    "Just Quilava? Don't you have any other Pokemon?"

    "Yes, I do...Just one more. But, my Espeon is weak against ghost types."I sighed

    "Yeah, that wouldn't be fun at all...Considering Morty's Gengar knows the dark type move Payback."

    "Ouch..." I said, with my confidence now completely lost.

    "Well, you don't sound too off track. I mean, wanted a Misdreavus is a good move on your part. Ghost type moves super-effect ghost types!" she smiled and then continued,
    "My grandfather has a small house in Ecruteak. I bet you he would be more than happy to give you a ghost type Pokemon of your own!"

    "Oh really?" I was suprised, anothed addition to my team, a new friend just like that.

    Alice and I had finally arrived to Ecruteak, and there it was. A large blue magestic being. Stood on four, with a lucious purple cape and an elegant diamond amongst it's forehead.
    "It's the legendary Pokemon! Suicune!" One man shouted, from the sidelines.

    The Pokemon then fled. Alice and I were in shock, as if a magnemite had used thunder wave on us.

    "It--it was Suicune" she murrmurred.

    "So...That was the legendary Pokemon from those story books my mother used to read to me when I was younger..."
    I added.

    After Suicunes appearance, Morty then came running, shoutings, "Hey Alice!"
    He then stoped before us, "Alice...I'm glad you're here...Did you see? Suicune!"

    "Yeah...It was amazing..." Alice said in excitement.

    Later that night, I decided to just kick it back and relax at the Pokemon Center. Alice, her grandfather and Morty were here aswell.
    "So you're the young trainer Alice has been telling me about earlier..." Her grandfather exclaimed.

    "Yeah, my name is Todd. I'm currently working at collecting all of the gym badges, but I have a problem..."

    "I am aware child, for my grandaughter has enlightened me that you would like to have one of my ghost type Pokemon." He stated.

    "Ghost type Pokemon are a blast! My Gengar just happens to be my best friend." Morty added.

    "Here, take this pokeball. Inside contains a Misdreavus for you as well." Alice's grandfather had seemed to trust me. He also mentioned he knows a good Pokemon trainer when he see's one,
    but as much as I like the sound of being "great", I still had a long way to go.

    "Cool! Now we both have Misdreavus! I'll tell you what, before you battle Morty, why don't you try using your Misdreavus against one of my Pokemon in battle!"
    Alice jumped.

    "I like the sound off that" Morty said, and then continued, "If you can beat my cousin in a one on one Pokemon battle, I'll give you a shot at a battle. But, if you can't win, then I will deny you from even setting foot in my gym."

    A Child Like No Other: Part 3-- "Clash in Ecruteak! Johto vs. Hoenn!"

    "Okay, let's have a one on one!" Isaid, standing on one side of the battlefield.

    "Ready!" Alice jumped with determination to win and fire in her eyes on the other side of the battlefiled.

    "Go Misdreavus! Show 'em what you got!"
    "Mis, mis mis!"

    "I'll use my friend all the way from Hoenn! Go Duskull!"

    During our battle, I could feel Misdreavus's energy flowing through me. It was unreal, it was like this Pokemon's and my destiny were already intertwined. But, before I knew it, we had failed and Misdreavus didn't have that same energy to go on in this battle. What had happened?...

    "Duskull use shadow ball!"
    "Misdreavus, move out of the way!
    "Keep going, use willow wip and then shadow ball again, Duskull!"
    "No...Misdreavus!...I've failed..."


    "I'm sorry, Todd. But after watching your preformance, I'm going to have to deny you entry and a battle with my Pokemon." Morty stated, walking towards Todd after watching his loss.

    "I--I don't know what to say..." I stood there, in awe paralyzed.

    "I want you to go out, travel some more." Morty put his hand on my shoulder and then continued. "You're still young and you've got the whole world ahead of you! Go, explore! And when you are stronger, come back and I'll have a shiny badge waiting for you after you show me how much you have improved."

    I looked up at Morty, and then smiled.

    Alice thenn walked over, "You know...Even though you lost and rather quickly...You're still an alright trainer. I know you can become stronger, and Misdreavus recognized that in you immediately. Johto is tough, I've yet to beat Morty myself."

    "Yeah..." I sighed. "I mean, my friend...He's at the Indigo Plateau as we speak facing the champion. I thought I could measure up to him and become Johto's best Pokemon trainer after hopes of surpassing Ren...But that's his dream. And I've got to go out there and make the most of what I got, and want in to a bigger reality."

    A Child Like No Other: Part 4 -- "Forever and Still Dreaming"

    After my loss in Ecruteak I had decided to go back home and to see my family again. They were worried about me, but still accepted the fact that I have dreams too.
    I told my mother, and my brother all that had happened and had showed them my friends. My mother immediately fell in love with Espeon and thought Quilava and Misdreavus were cute, aswell. My brother wanted to have a Pokemon battle with me, but I told him that's exactly what he is going to get. When I become his level of strength of course.

    As for Ren, his battle against the Champion was unsuccessful, much like my battle against Alice. Ren had decided to travel to Hoenn, after I told him all about everything that had happened while he was gone. He also said that he wanted to meet Suicune, who later returned in front of my house, and started at me with still eyes and a heart later leaving again.
    That was the last time I ever saw Suicune.

    Alice had gone back to Hoenn, but we still made contact, even over sea's.

    ...

    "Typhlosion, I choose you!" I called with confidence.
    "Ready to see how strong I've gotten?"

    "That's exactly what I like to hear, hmph." Morty smiled.
    ...
    [fade...]

    The End.
    ________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Okay! ^^
    That is my story! No copyright intended! Fanfiction only!

    NOTES: The very top part was mainly all I intended to write at first, until I decided to do a parts 2-3 and an ending.

    EDIT:Okay, I finally finished the entire story...What do you guys think? I mean, I know it's a little rushed, but I didn't want it to be TOO long.
    Thanks for reading, hope you liked it!
    Last edited by unShinyUmbreon; 20th January 2013 at 12:23 PM.
    Team Sylveon! Team Fairy!

  2. #2
    Ms. Canadian Destroyer Caite-chan's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Child Like No Other (Added Adition! Parts 1-3, ENDING!) Updated!! (1/20/2013)

    I have to say I was excited to read this but every time I did I was on my phone but now I'm able to finally give you a review and I hope you do more and find what I give you as helpful. I'll break it down into each parts to make it easier for both of us to go through.

    Prologue:

    I really liked the prologue as it seemed to be something different to me at least. It really helped me to set the tone of the rest of the story and what it was going to be about. My one and only problem was I would have liked to know what city Todd was from. You talked about his father and now brother being a Gym Leader but of what city we don't know because you forgot to tell us. Nor do we know what city or town Professor Odner is in.

    Part 1:

    "Eevee, that was awesome...But, for now rest. We'll get them next time!"
    I then withdrew Eevee back in to it's pokeball.
    "Eevee, that was awesome...but, for now rest. We'll get them next time!"
    I then withdrew Eevee back in to it's Pokeball.

    I really liked how this first part was. I liked how Ren was more encouraging than to just flat out be mean and toot his own horn. He was helpful with Todd and informative about Eevee and it's evolutions. He seemed to be that bit brother type that Todd seemed to need.

    Some things I would like to point out in this section is:

    - Where are they coming from to be going to Goldenrod City.
    - I would have liked more detail of the parents and Todd's brother's reaction to seeing him show up to the next city, how they got there and how did they know he was going to show up to that city.

    Part 2:

    "Well, you don't sound too off track. I mean, wanted a Misdreavus is a good move on your part.
    "Well, you don't sound too off track. I mean, you wanted a Misdreavus is a good move on your part.

    The Pokemon then fled. Alice and I were in shock, as if a magnemite had used thunder wave on us.
    The Pokemon then fled. Alice and I were in shock, as if a Magnemite had used Thunder Wave on us.

    Some of the things I would like to point out in this section:

    - I would have described the Misdreavus if it belongs to someone else. A lot of times Pokemon will have something different to them even if it's something simple.
    - It seemed as if Suicune just popped out of no where for no reason at all.
    - It seemed in this part there was a few spots where it went from one thing to another with nothing in between.

    Part 3:

    I really would have liked to see more in this part. Especially the battle against Alice after all it was a major thing for him to be able to battle Morty. Although I liked how you didn't have Todd win which meant he had space to grow and be better.

    Overall:

    I think you had a really good idea for the base of the story and I like how it was different then what you would normally read in fics with the main person always winning. That and it was nice to see Ren helping out Todd and give him advice for his journey.

    I wish you would have described things a bit more like the battles, Alice and her Pokemon. Watch for jumping from one idea to another without a reason or just leaving us the readers wondering about things. IE: How Todd's family got to Goldenrod City.

    I really hope this helps you if you wish to go back and add to this story or for when you write more fics in the future. If you ever need any help feel free to ask anyone around. We're more than happy to help. :D

  3. #3
    The 'unShiny' Umbreon! unShinyUmbreon's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Child Like No Other (Added Adition! Parts 1-3, ENDING!) Updated!! (1/20/2013)

    Thank you very much, this was VERY helpful! I'm grateful for your review and time in reading this. ^^
    I will apply all that you have stated for my future fics, thank you! :D
    Team Sylveon! Team Fairy!

  4. #4
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Child Like No Other (Added Adition! Parts 1-3, ENDING!) Updated!! (1/20/2013)

    Very nice start! I like the first person POV. I can really visualize the anguish he feels when he is not initially allowed to go on a journey, and I love the brief backstory of his parents. If I had to make a suggestion, I'd just say that there could be more description along with the really nice dialog.

    Help the readers visualize what is happening through your description. Especially since this is a 1st person POV, it'd be nice to hear more about what Toss is feeling and seeing. Think of it as painting a picture with words.

    great start though! Keep it up!

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