Thread: Cattlea and Tyler's Adventures

Chapter 1The Plan

Her green, sleeky hair ran down her burning red cheeks. Her name was 'Cattlea' and she was just old enough to leave school. She placed her hand on her boyfriends knee. She recognized his purple hair. They were both tricked on their last day of school. The school bullies had told them that they had dye their hair-girls had to be green, purple for boys. It was until that day when Cattlea and her boyfriend, Tyler, got a detention. But how would the head-teacher, Mr.Barlow, believe them?

'Cattlea, we'll have to escape. We can't have a detention on our last day! If only we didn't believe the bullies...' They carried on a walking through the playground. 'And it's nearly end of lunch. We gotta think!'

'Oh come on!' Cattlea replied,'The only way escape is to walk through the gate (obviously), and there are cameras there. Soooo...we'll have to walk through the forest.'

'WHAT!!!??? But there are wolves there! I'm not scared or anything... but what if a bear claws us to bits? We'll be in a blood bath. A BLOOD BATH! We'll have to-' The bell rang.'-fine. We'll go through the forest.

Walking back to class, one of the school bullies pushed Cattlea into a pool of mud. 'Oh, sorry Cattlea!'the school bully,named Ralphy exclaimed. 'I didn't mean it! Or, put it another way.... I did mean it! Hahahaha!'

'Freak.' Cattlea whispered.

Later on, the end of day bell rang. 'Come on Tyler, lets go.' But as they walked through the woods, the headteacher saw them-

'Ahem-where are you going?'

My Pokemon Ranger 3 story was crap. I hope this is better. Thank you.

*ahem*

Good point: Plot

Bad points: Chapter titles make no sense, grammar needs improvement and spelling too.

In-the-middle points: Vocabulary.

Well, once again, your chapter title contradicts the chapter, as the only "plan" I see is heading out into the forest...but even then, the plan has to show HOW they went into the forest. Do they walk in, waiting for an Ursaring to have them for brunch, or do they climb trees in hopes that Beedrill aren't in them? Do they crawl across the Caterpie-filled floor or do they run for their lives, as far away from the principal as possible? That is important.

Now, your first sentence is the only problem I really have with this whole fic.

"Her green, sleeky hair ran down her burning red cheeks."

WHAT. IS. THE. POINT? Your next sentence does not connect, thus confusing your reader. Now, if you connect the sentences (as in make them relate) and throw in some grammar and spelling corrections, this would be a great start...

...which is why I said your plot was great. =D