Camelion and Calioness

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Thread: Camelion and Calioness

  1. #1
    Espeo's Espeon Espeo's Espeon's Avatar
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    Default Camelion and Calioness

    While Ash, May, Max, and Brock were out adventuring, They heard a strange noise that made them all jump.

    Max: What was that?

    Ash: I don't know. Let's find out.

    While they were on their way to find out, the noise came again only louder.

    May: What is that horrid noise ash?

    Ash: We have to go closer to find out. C'mon!

    And when they came, there were Three pokemon eating an eevee.

    Brock: I have never seen such odd pokemon.

    Ash: Maybe my Pokedex Knows:

    Pokedex:

    Snipe, The lion cub pokemon. It's horns are two other heads that protect the helpless pokemon. This is a triple type pokemon. The left head is ice, the right head is fire and the Pokemon itself is a Fighting type.

    Ash: So that's a Snipe huh? Well it's about to be mine! Pikachu! Use Thunder Bolt on that Snipe!!!!

    Pikachu: Piiii-kaaaa-chuuuuu!!!

    Snipe: Snipe-Snipe? Snipe!

    Ash and Max: It dodged it?!

    Snipe: Sniiiiiiiiiiiipe!!!

    Ash and Pikachu: Aaaaaaaahhhh!!!

    May: Whatb was that?!

    Ash I don't know, but that little pokemon sure packs a powerful punch.

    Pikachu: Pika-pika.

    Snipe: Snipe snipe p-sni!

    Max: What is it doing?

    Brock: I think we better run!

    Ash: Why?

    Brock: I think that Snipe just called his mom and dad!!!!RUN!!




    End of chapter 1
    No, I am not the Pawn of an Upid-say Cameleon. I am Just a Pokemon Trainer.

  2. #2
    A black and white world Blackjack Gabbiani's Avatar
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    Default

    For starters, descriptions are your friend. What does a Snipe look like? (and why is it a lion cub if real-world snipes are shorebirds?)

    Next, please use proper formatting. Your line "May: What is that horrid noise ash?" should be "May: What is that horrid noise, Ash?" Or even ""What is that horrid noise, Ash?" May asked."

  3. #3
    I eat people Ritsuko Okazaki's Avatar
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    Details, Grammer, and other bits...

    I'm trying to see why this turned out so short. This could of been interesting.
    Try reading my fic The Omen Kid. It has some details and it might give you a idea.
    Last edited by Ritsuko Okazaki; 23rd August 2006 at 03:29 PM.

  4. #4
    Espeo's Espeon Espeo's Espeon's Avatar
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    This is so hard. I'll describe more in chapter 2.
    No, I am not the Pawn of an Upid-say Cameleon. I am Just a Pokemon Trainer.

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