Max set you up the bomb
IN OTHER NEWS, JACK ASTLEFORD WOCKI HAS YET TO PHYSICALLY APPEAR.
How old is he, anyway? I left it up to you.
Currently writing Hoenn Wars, a Travelsverse fic that needs no prior Travelsverse knowledge to understand. Chapter Seven, Sacrifice, is up.
^Someone's first impression of TVTropes.That's interesting; I might have a look when I have the time. Thanks!
EDIT: Oh my god, these are too many links! Very specific...
Big. Damn. Heroes.
If you're going to cite a trope, actually cite it XD
Even I had Rachel and Ken go on their journey for 2 months by the time the story's half done.
Last edited by Zekurom; 29th October 2010 at 07:43 PM.
The word "quadragonal" is the only word with "dragon" in it where "dragon" is not a root word. That makes it awesome.
Pacing needs work. It started at an okay pace, but finished way too quickly. The ending was dissatisfying and felt incomplete.
You should also describe the Pokemon battles, rather than cut to the end. How was all twelve of Archaic and Serebii's Pokemon defeated by Max's mere six? Moreso, after already having endured that battle, how did they manage to defeat Jabber, Dan, and everyone else's Pokemon too? It should also be described why Max was able to control all the soldiers. Did he bribe them? Does he have some sort of power to be able to?
One last minor quirk. Archaic giving Joe jail time? I'm assuming its for comical purposes, but given what happened to him prior to the events of the story... I mean, he could've been let off easily. That really didn't sit right with me.
On the flip side, I wasn't expecting Saturn to come in and save the day. +1 for that.
3DS FC: 1203-9389-8130
Chapter Nine: Make Me A Match
"Tell me again how it felt to fight Max King, Jabber," said Annabelle with an annoying admiring sigh. I glanced behind me, and sure enough, the school's queen bee was following about two inches behind me, with puppy dog eyes looking into my soul.
Annabelle had been doing this to me for days. Why me, I don't know. I could only assume that the universe decided to be a dick to me for some sort of twisted feeling of enjoyment. It was completely obvious that Annabelle wanted to be my girlfriend. It's really a feat, then, that she hadn't noticed I already had one. Eff-emm-ell.
"Annabelle," I sighed, "I've already told you a million times."
"Oh, but I just want t hear you talk about it again and again," she said. She saw her chance to sidle up next to and try and grab my hand. Fortunately her doing this every time we came within fifty feet of me had given my better reflexes, and I pulled my hand away just in time.
"Why don't you ever talk to Dan, Aaron, or Tyler about this?" I asked. "They were there too."
"Oh, but they're not nearly as handsome as you," she giggled. She caught me by surprise and was able to clasp my hand in hers. She gave another sigh, this time a contented one. I tried to wrench myself free, but Annabelle can be damn strong when she wants.
Seriously. Eff emm ell.
"'...No, Juan, you are the demons!'" Dana read from the book in a hushed voice.
Tyler and I looked at each other like, is this really what these idiots consider literature?
"'And then Juan was a demon,'" Dana said, finishing the story.
"Thank you, Dana," said Ms. Blackjack, our Literature teacher. "Wasn't that a wonderful story, class? It really captures the essence of the classical hero cycle, I think."
Just then, the bell rang.
"Ah," said Ms. Blackjack, "it seems we're out of time. Class, answer the questions on page 12 of your reflection workbooks for homework. Next time, we will be starting Mary Shelly's Registein, so be sure to buy that if you haven't already."
"That was the worst ending of any book ever," I told Tyler and Ken Brazer as we exited the classroom.
"Yeah, I..." Ken started to say when Maya Dyanand piped up: "Well, I thought it had a fantastic ending."
I laughed. "Yeah, no. Ken, back me up here."
"I... uh... I..." Ken stammered. His face was growing an alarming shade of scarlet. I was about to yell to everyone to run for cover before Ken's head exploded. Then I realized he was blushing.
"I agree with Maya," Ken finally managed.
Maya smiled happily. "Thanks, Ken!" she said, and went on her merry way. Ken stared after her longingly.
I stood there, dumbfounded. "What the hell was that, man?!" I exclaimed. "Bros before..."
"I think I understand," Tyler cut in. "Old Ken here likes Maya."
"I do not!" Ken shouted. I had thought his face couldn't get any more red. It did.
"You so do, dude," said Tyler. "Don't you agree, Smugleaf?"
"Ja!" said Smugleaf in confirmation.
"Wait, you mean Ken and Maya aren't together already?" asked Jabber, joining us. He was holding hands with Annabelle. I raised my eyebrow. He mouthed "not my idea" to me. I shrugged.
"N-no," Ken admitted. "It was just for Homecoming."
"Well, why don't you ask her out for real?" asked Jabber. He struggled to get away from Annabelle. This only prompted her to hold him tighter. Poor sap.
"I'm... I'm nervous she'll say no," Ken admitted. I slapped him.
"What the..." (here he said a word I don't think I should repeat) "...was that for?!" he yelled.
"To knock some man into you, hopefully," I said. "You need to stop being such a friggin' baby about this and ask Maya out already. She said yes to Homecoming, why wouldn't she to a date?"
"M-maybe she thinks that Homecoming is less serious than a relationship?" Ken suggested.
"BS," said Kitty. "They're of equal importance. Dan's telling it like it is, Ken. You know, Maya likes you. She told me so herself, in strictest confidence."
"Really?" Ken perked up.
"Really," Kitty confirmed.
Ken's face broke into a grin. "What am I doing here, then?!" he said. "I've got a girl to ask out!"
And he ran off to find Maya.
"They grow up so fast," Tyler sniffed.
"That sure was easy," I said. "Hey, Kitty, did you mean what you said about what Maya said?"
"Hell no," said Kitty. "Maya and I barely know each other. I just said that so that Ken would stop being such a coward and ask Maya out."
"Oh," I said. "Well, all's well that ends well, I guess."
It did, by the way. Ken and Maya have been on two dates since Kitty totally lied to him.
See, adults? Sometimes, honesty isn't the best policy.
I finally managed to get away from Annabelle after school, and walked home with Dan and Alison.
"So, Jabber, Dan tells you you've been cheating on me," Alison joked.
"You know as well as I do that Annabelle's a bitch and I want to have as little interaction with her as possible."
"Well, when you put it that way, I suppose I can forgive you for your transgressions," said Alison. "Now, why don't I get those nasty Annabelle germs off of your palm? My hand is known to be a natural cure,"
Dan gagged. "Ugh, I swear," he said, "you guys are gonna give me diabetes one of these days."
"Says the guy who uses cutesy voices when talking to his girlfriend on the phone," Alison said.
"Shut up," said Dan.
"I've been thinking," said Archaic to Joe Serebii through the two-way prison communications system. "Thinking about you and me."
"And?" Joe asked.
"We're not really going to be friends for a while after this, are we?" asked Archaic.
"I shouldn't expect so, no," said Joe.
"We're both guilty of things," said Archaic, "things that struck the other one of us deeply. It's going to be hard to move beyond that."
"Maybe we will, someday."
"Not anytime soon."
"How are you doing here?"
"As well as one can in prison, I suppose. Archaic..."
"Yes? What is it?"
"...Nah. I'm sure you'll meet him soon enough."
"Meet who soon enough? Joe?"
"My allotted time's up Archaic. I've got to go."
"I'll be back. And we will talk about this 'he.'"
Archaic was getting a bad feeling in his gut. Who had Joe been talking about?
Next Time: Dan gets drug along on a date with Jabber and Allison. He recruits Aaron Ryuu to help him sneak out of the theater. It does not go as planned. See what happens in Chapter Ten: "You Have Recieved A Warning From Bulbagarden!"
Until Next Time, See Ya!
Typos."Oh, but I just want t hear you talk about it again and again," she said. She saw her chance to sidle up next to and try and grab my hand. Fortunately her doing this every time we came within fifty feet of me had given my better reflexes, and I pulled my hand away just in time.
Otherwise, good chapter. Better pacing and funnier than the previous one.
3DS FC: 1203-9389-8130