Here is my review for all the chapters :) I hope it is OK.
Ha, Will’s name is awesome xD I almost wanted him to not win though cos do I like Morty, lol; he's my fave gym leader in Johto.
I like the way you describe the gym challenge on TV too, it made me think of a top billing sporting event.
I love how the red haired kid reacts to the contest, laughing when Will is doing bad and getting mad and smashing stuff when Will is doing well xD (No, I never got mad as a kid and broke the TV...not at all :P ). I'm surprised he didn't electrocute himself at the end of the chapter, with his final burst of rage.
I think it is a good first chapter because it makes me curious about what is going to happen next. Who is the red haired lad and Chubby and why do they hate Will so much?
Poor Max, I kind of get the feeling his brothers "gang up" on him and rag him something awful. I noticed he was dressed differently and I wondered if that was because he wanted to be more individual and not just Will's shadow. It was interesting to see Will through Max's point of view and it made me wonder, is he (Will) perhaps a little arrogant?
Hmm, reading on...Will saying "I'll go easy on you", yeah, he sure is a bighead xD
Poor Wooper, I wanted him to win xD
I like the description of the gang who attack the brothers. (Nothing wrong with metal bands from 30 years ago. I must say) ;) Spike sure has some anger management issues, he goes firecracker over everything. I am really curious to know why he seems to hate Will so much.
I thought it was realistic that at the end, Frankie and Max were crying. In some stories, the kids are super brave and never know any fear, no matter what is happening to them. It made more sense that Max and Frankie would cry after seeing Will getting smashed up and all the Pokemon stolen. I reckon it was more like a mugging would be in real life.
Following on from the end of the last chapter, again, I think it is very realistic. It is hard to read (because of the sadness) but I can totally understand the lads being depressed and angry and their mom becoming so overprotective.
I am interested to know what business Uncle Terry is up to, it sounds like it may be something exciting and maybe dangerous.
"Shall we go outside and test these things?" Uhh, Will, they are sentient creatures, not objects. I wonder if Will said that because he is still hurting from the loss of his original Pokemon?
Ha, glad Max won the battle :D
The only thing I did have a question mark about was that neither Max or Frankie were concerned that Will was away all day and didn't return at bedtime. I know that they thought about how he went and stayed out late before the attack but surely they would be a little worried after the attack, especially after how their home regime had changed over the past week.
Hmm, where did Frankie get the letter from? Did he post it the previous day and then the postie delivered it? That's awfully quick but then maybe Johto post is better than our Royal Mail xD
Uh oh, poor Lydia is going to freak when the other two lads vanish. I feel right sorry for her.
Aww, timid Squirtle is so cute :)
Lol, the fangirls are SO annoying, it's brill how you write them xD I was grinning at their sillyness and when they called Will a poor baby, I laughed out loud.
I do like the interaction between Max and Frankie. I like it because even though they argue like cat and dog, they work together and care enough about Will to try and rescue him.
It was scary in the wild when they were attacked and nearly killed. It makes you realise just how dangerous the Pokemon world is, if you wander off the beaten track. (Though I think being rescued by the fangirls would be a worse fate than death) xD
I want to hit the fangirls with a wet haddock xD They're so soppy! It was kind of them to look after the brothers and their Pokemon though. I did like Becky's line (to Frankie) about how sometimes you can tell something better about a person from what a stranger says. Like, outside, unbiased input of a situation.
It was funny when Max called Anna a mum xD
I really liked the exposition between Max and Frankie. I thought it was well written and good that both boys were able to say how they were feeling without getting mad. I wonder if their talk will help them to become closer and help Max to not feel so angry most of the time?
Interesting happening at the end with the mystery couple in the National Park. I wonder who they are and what they mean by Will's "Other persona"?
It is really funny when Anna and Max fall out xD I love the dialogue between them.
Squirtle reminds me of my cat, he is really timid and shy. I reckon Frankie is more stern than me, I can never tell my cat off at all xD
I was glad to see Max get over his pride and thank Anna for her helping him. I can understand he doesn't want to appear to be a baby but sometimes you do need help with things. It was funny when she kissed Max and he pretended to be really disgusted xD
Yeah, the bad guys are back! I like how you make them really mean and not just dumb. The scene where Muk captured everybody was really gross and horrible. I was just a bit puzzled though, would Muk be big enough to trap 4 kids and their Pokemon in its body. I thought it was only quite a small Pokemon. Or can it expand if it wants to?
I wonder what Spike and Chubby are doing with Hunters X and Y? (I'm guessing they are the black clad pair in the Park? It sounds like there is a lot going on and a good mystery to unravel.