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  1. #46
    Forbidden Forest Ranger Cosmic Gerbil's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brotherhood

    Here is my review for all the chapters :) I hope it is OK.

    Chapter 1

    Ha, Will’s name is awesome xD I almost wanted him to not win though cos do I like Morty, lol; he's my fave gym leader in Johto.

    I like the way you describe the gym challenge on TV too, it made me think of a top billing sporting event.

    I love how the red haired kid reacts to the contest, laughing when Will is doing bad and getting mad and smashing stuff when Will is doing well xD (No, I never got mad as a kid and broke the TV...not at all :P ). I'm surprised he didn't electrocute himself at the end of the chapter, with his final burst of rage.

    I think it is a good first chapter because it makes me curious about what is going to happen next. Who is the red haired lad and Chubby and why do they hate Will so much?


    Chapter 2

    Poor Max, I kind of get the feeling his brothers "gang up" on him and rag him something awful. I noticed he was dressed differently and I wondered if that was because he wanted to be more individual and not just Will's shadow. It was interesting to see Will through Max's point of view and it made me wonder, is he (Will) perhaps a little arrogant?

    Hmm, reading on...Will saying "I'll go easy on you", yeah, he sure is a bighead xD

    Poor Wooper, I wanted him to win xD

    I like the description of the gang who attack the brothers. (Nothing wrong with metal bands from 30 years ago. I must say) ;) Spike sure has some anger management issues, he goes firecracker over everything. I am really curious to know why he seems to hate Will so much.

    I thought it was realistic that at the end, Frankie and Max were crying. In some stories, the kids are super brave and never know any fear, no matter what is happening to them. It made more sense that Max and Frankie would cry after seeing Will getting smashed up and all the Pokemon stolen. I reckon it was more like a mugging would be in real life.


    Chapter 3

    Following on from the end of the last chapter, again, I think it is very realistic. It is hard to read (because of the sadness) but I can totally understand the lads being depressed and angry and their mom becoming so overprotective.

    I am interested to know what business Uncle Terry is up to, it sounds like it may be something exciting and maybe dangerous.

    "Shall we go outside and test these things?" Uhh, Will, they are sentient creatures, not objects. I wonder if Will said that because he is still hurting from the loss of his original Pokemon?

    Ha, glad Max won the battle :D

    The only thing I did have a question mark about was that neither Max or Frankie were concerned that Will was away all day and didn't return at bedtime. I know that they thought about how he went and stayed out late before the attack but surely they would be a little worried after the attack, especially after how their home regime had changed over the past week.

    Hmm, where did Frankie get the letter from? Did he post it the previous day and then the postie delivered it? That's awfully quick but then maybe Johto post is better than our Royal Mail xD


    Chapter 4

    Uh oh, poor Lydia is going to freak when the other two lads vanish. I feel right sorry for her.

    Aww, timid Squirtle is so cute :)

    Lol, the fangirls are SO annoying, it's brill how you write them xD I was grinning at their sillyness and when they called Will a poor baby, I laughed out loud.

    I do like the interaction between Max and Frankie. I like it because even though they argue like cat and dog, they work together and care enough about Will to try and rescue him.

    It was scary in the wild when they were attacked and nearly killed. It makes you realise just how dangerous the Pokemon world is, if you wander off the beaten track. (Though I think being rescued by the fangirls would be a worse fate than death) xD



    Chapter 5

    I want to hit the fangirls with a wet haddock xD They're so soppy! It was kind of them to look after the brothers and their Pokemon though. I did like Becky's line (to Frankie) about how sometimes you can tell something better about a person from what a stranger says. Like, outside, unbiased input of a situation.

    It was funny when Max called Anna a mum xD

    I really liked the exposition between Max and Frankie. I thought it was well written and good that both boys were able to say how they were feeling without getting mad. I wonder if their talk will help them to become closer and help Max to not feel so angry most of the time?

    Interesting happening at the end with the mystery couple in the National Park. I wonder who they are and what they mean by Will's "Other persona"?



    Chapter 6

    It is really funny when Anna and Max fall out xD I love the dialogue between them.

    Squirtle reminds me of my cat, he is really timid and shy. I reckon Frankie is more stern than me, I can never tell my cat off at all xD

    I was glad to see Max get over his pride and thank Anna for her helping him. I can understand he doesn't want to appear to be a baby but sometimes you do need help with things. It was funny when she kissed Max and he pretended to be really disgusted xD

    Yeah, the bad guys are back! I like how you make them really mean and not just dumb. The scene where Muk captured everybody was really gross and horrible. I was just a bit puzzled though, would Muk be big enough to trap 4 kids and their Pokemon in its body. I thought it was only quite a small Pokemon. Or can it expand if it wants to?

    I wonder what Spike and Chubby are doing with Hunters X and Y? (I'm guessing they are the black clad pair in the Park? It sounds like there is a lot going on and a good mystery to unravel.
    Exit light
    Enter night
    Take my hand
    We're off to never never-land

  2. #47
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Brotherhood

    Glad you all enjoyed the chapter(s)! There's going to be a new one coming out tomorrow, I've written out but I just need to read over it.
    @Stellar Gale; I know what you mean about Chapter 5. It was kind of a connecting chapter. Don't worry though, the next few will have a lot of action. And to answer your question, no, Hunters X and Y aren't like Hunter J from the anime. I didn't even know who that was. The similar names are unfortunate. (Well maybe they're a bit like her but they're not named after her or supposed to be in the same division as her or anything like that.)

    @Elite Four Lugion; Don't worry, all be revealed. There's not too much longer to wait.
    @Cosmic Gerbil; Thanks for the detailed review and glad you enjoyed the story! You're right that Will has a tendency to treat his Pokemon a little more like tools than he probably should but perhaps to an extent that attitude comes with the territory of being a world class trainer?

    I'm glad you liked the gang too. I wanted them to be actual scary villains as opposed to some of the things you see where villains are either over the top or just comic relief. I was aiming to have them gritty and down to earth but at the same time scary. Glad you liked them especially because you'll be seeing a lot more of them in the story, as well as Hunters X and Y.
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  3. #48
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Brotherhood



    Chapter 7 - Separation


    A small crowd drew around the scene at Violet City Pokémon Center. The two figures at the centre seemed completely unaware of the people unashamedly staring at their argument.

    ‘Are you crazy!?’ screamed the girl, ‘Those guys are hardcore! We are not prepared for this! We’re just gonna end up getting ourselves hurt!’

    ‘Then by all means get lost!’ retorted the boy, ‘Don’t forget that you’re the one who insisted on coming along! I didn’t make you! I didn’t even want you to come!’

    ‘No! I will not allow you to go back in there and hurt yourself and your poor, innocent Pokémon!’

    ‘I don’t see that there’s much that you can do about it. You and Becky should feel free to leave whenever you want, but me and Frankie are going ahead with this, and you can’t stop us.’

    The girl said nothing, but simply seethed with anger.

    ‘Frankie?’ she managed eventually, ‘Please tell me you’ve got a bit more sense than your brother.’

    A shorter boy emerged from behind the first one.

    ‘Sorry. I’m sticking with Max. Will is our brother and he needs our help.’

    ‘I see,’ responded the girl before turning behind her to a second girl, ‘Becky, we’re leaving.’

    ‘But-’ began the second girl.

    ‘I said we’re leaving!’ screeched the first girl furiously, storming out, and dragging the other by the hand with her.

    Once they were gone, Max became suddenly aware of the crowd looking at him and was overcome by embarrassment. He tried to think of something to say, but nothing came to him, so he just did his best to avoid further attention by walking out of the Pokémon Center and mumbling for Frankie to come with him. Their four Pokémon, who were out of their Poké Balls, followed. They found somewhere secluded behind the Mart where they could talk over what they were going to do next. Bulbasaur and Growlithe sat perfectly still on either side of Max. Since the introduction of the Fire type to the team, Bulbasaur had begun valuing Max’s attention far more than it ever had when it was his only Pokémon. Squirtle and Aipom stood near Frankie, wrapped in each other’s arms.

    ‘What now?’ asked Frankie.

    ‘I don’t know. They said something about the Ecruteak Dance Theatre, right?’

    ‘Yeah and something about two hunters or something.’

    ‘Hunters X and Y. They said they were after us and they didn’t want us bringing them to the Dance Theatre, didn’t they?’

    ‘Yeah, that’s right,’ said Frankie, ‘But why would they be after us?’

    ‘I bet Mum hired them,’ answered Max, ‘You remember she put a reward out for Will’s safe return when he ran away from home before? I bet she’s done that with you and me this time.’

    Frankie sighed.

    ‘We haven’t even been gone for twenty four hours... That’s a little crazy, even for her.’

    ‘How long had Will been gone for before she was panicking yesterday?’ responded Max, ‘We told her we were just popping to the shops and it’s been all day, so she probably thinks we’ve either run away or something horrible has happened’.

    ‘I guess.’

    The two of them sat in silence for a moment.

    ‘Look! Here’s what we’ve gotta do!’ announced Max suddenly, ‘Spike and Chubby didn’t want Hunters X and Y around them when they went to the Dance Theatre, right?’

    ‘Yeah...’

    ‘Well that’s what we’ve gotta do!’

    ‘What?’

    ‘We’ve gotta lead these Hunters to the Dance Theatre!’

    ‘What good will that do?’ asked Frankie.

    ‘They’ve gotta want them so they can hand them over to the police, right? These guys mugged us, I bet they’ve mugged loads of people before and worse stuff too! There must be a reward out for their capture! That’s probably why these Hunters are after them!’

    ‘So why do we want them to get arrested? I thought we just wanted to find Will and help him get the Pokémon they took back?’

    ‘Come on, Frankie! Don’t be – I mean, look, if we get them arrested, they’ll have to return the Pokémon they took! All our Pokémon are registered and tagged, so they’ll be easily identifiable as ours!’

    ‘Alright... But we don’t even know what time tomorrow they’re going to the Dance Theatre or whether these “Hunters” are still on our trail at all.’

    ‘Oh come on! They’re not gonna be going to the Dance Theatre just to hang out with the Kimono Girls, are they? What’d be the point in that? It’s pretty obvious they’re gonna rob the place and what’s the point in robbing a place with five people in it? We’ve just gotta find out what time their shows are tomorrow and make sure we’re there for all of them.’

    Frankie nodded, doing his best to ignore Max’s unfriendly tone.

    ‘What about the Hunters? How are we gonna make sure they’re on our tail?’ he asked.

    ‘You heard Spike talking about them!’ answered Max, ‘They sound pretty professional. Professional enough for people like Spike and Chubby to be scared of them, right? It sounds like their job is hunting people down so all we’ve gotta do is be kinda high profile and they’ll find us in no time!’

    ‘I think you and Anna managed to take care of that in the Pokémon Center already...’

    ‘Exactly! I’ve been thinking about this from the moment we left the Ruins of Alph!’

    Frankie did his best to stop himself from losing his temper over this ridiculous claim. He knew it wasn’t worth it. Instead he focused on making a constructive contribution to the plan.

    ‘We’ll have to be careful we don’t get caught though,’ he managed eventually, ‘If they catch us, they’ll just take us back home or to the police and we won’t be able to lead them to Ecruteak.’

    ‘If that happens, we could just tell them what we know. I’m sure they’d want to at least check it out.’

    ‘I guess but we should still try not to get caught just in case. They might not be willing to listen or they might not believe us. We’ve got to find out what time the performances are tomorrow and then keep ourselves safe until then but make sure to keep the Hunters on our trail at the same time. So where are we gonna sleep tonight?’

    Max opened his mouth to respond but no words came out. It was obvious he hadn’t given this any thought. It was beginning to get dark out, so he knew it was something he ought to have thought about by now.

    ‘Uh, well, I’ve got a bit of money so we can stay in a hostel or something. We’ll have to share a room though because I don’t have that much.’

    ‘What if these hunters find us while we’re asleep?’

    ‘That’s fine! We’ll lock the door and if we hear them coming we’ll escape out the window. We’ll make sure we don’t have a room that’s too high up. Anyway, Bulbasaur can help us with its vines.’

    Bulbasaur nodded at this comment, casting a sidelong glance to Growlithe with a smirk. The Fire type simply sat perfectly still, as if nothing had happened.

    ‘Alright,’ said Frankie reluctantly.

    He was not confident in the plan but he didn’t have any positive suggestions to make, so he decided it would be best to just keep quiet. The two of them walked around Violet City with their Pokémon in tow until they found a hostel which advertised suitably cheap rates. They entered the rundown building to see a reception area that was in desperate need of redecoration and staffed by a single teen that was sitting with his legs on the desk, playing a Nintendo DS. As the two brothers entered, he almost fell backwards off his seat with how quickly he moved to sit up.

    ‘Sorry! Uh, welcome to Violet Greens Hostel. How may I help you?’

    ‘We’d like a room for the night please,’ answered Max.

    ‘Twin?’ asked the receptionist.

    ‘Yes please,’ said Max, placing the money on the desk in front of him.

    The receptionist stood up and grabbed a key from underneath the desk.

    ‘Room 104. You need to sign the guestbook.’

    He gestured towards an open book with columns asking for a name, contact number, and what room number they would be occupying. The page was completely blank. Max hesitated for a moment. He wondered whether giving all of this information would make them too easy for the Hunters to find. He made a point of not looking to Frankie. Eventually, he decided to truthfully put his details down.

    ‘Room 104 isn’t too high up, is it?’ asked Max after filling out the guestbook.

    The receptionist looked confused.

    ‘It’s on the first floor... that’s why it’s room 104. The first floor’s not too high up, no, it’s one set of stairs... because it’s the first floor.’

    Max was tempted to snap at the teen but decided against it. Instead, he and Frankie headed upstairs and entered their room. It was a small room that could barely fit the two single beds in it. The wallpaper was old and the floor was stained. The window was small, rusty around the joints, and did not open very far. There was a weird smell that neither the brothers nor their Pokémon could get to the root of. It was obvious that this was not a high quality establishment. They were relieved to find that at least their beds seemed to be of an acceptable standard. They chatted for a few hours, allowing their Pokémon what freedom they could around the small room as they did. They briefly went downstairs to check what time the following night’s showings at the Dance Theatre would be on the hostel’s computers and confirmed them to be at five and seven in the evening, as Max claimed he had suspected, but they spent most of their time in the room. They’d had a long day, though, and they were both exhausted. It wasn’t long before they fell asleep. Squirtle and Aipom settled down in the bed next to Frankie, cuddling each other and their trainer. Bulbasaur and Growlithe both slept nearby the door, acting guard. They tried to outlast each other before collapsing to sleep, but neither lasted very long.

    In the morning they were awoken by a few sharp knocks on the door. The two brothers sat up, both still half asleep, and looked to the door. At first Max thought it must have been a wake-up call but he quickly realised who it was much more likely to be.

    ‘Take your Pokémon and get out the window,’ he whispered to Frankie.

    It took Frankie a few seconds to understand what he meant. Squirtle and Aipom both started crying.

    ‘Shut them up!’ hissed Max.

    Frankie did nothing. He was too scared. Max looked furious. He gestured for Bulbasaur to come to him. Both Bulbasaur and Growlithe came over. There was another loud knock at the door.

    ‘Open up!’ shouted a man’s voice.

    Squirtle and Aipom cried harder. Frankie put his arms around them to try and quiet them but to no avail.

    ‘Bulbasaur!’ whispered Max, ‘Use your vines to drop Squirtle and Aipom outside!’

    Bulbasaur nodded and used its vines to snatch the small Pokémon from their trainer’s arms.

    ‘You’re gonna put them outside by themselves?’ asked Frankie in disbelief.

    ‘What choice do we have?’ snapped Max in return, wrenching the window open.

    Bulbasaur quickly extended its vines out of the window, placing Squirtle and Aipom on the ground outside. Growlithe moved back to the door, which it faced growling quietly as louder knocks came.

    ‘If you don’t open this door, we’ll open it for you!’ shouted a female voice.

    ‘Don’t think we don’t know you’re not in there,’ came the male voice again, ‘Just come out now and no one gets hurt.’

    ‘Alright, Bulbasaur, now drop Frankie!’ ordered Max.

    ‘What about you?’ asked Frankie, tears building up in his eyes.

    ‘Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.’

    ‘No!’ protested Frankie as Bulbasaur ably picked him up and began to lower him out of the window.

    There was muttering on the other side of the door, followed by a low pitched Pokémon cry. There was a tapping on the door different to the knocking that there had been before. It sounded as if an object were being used rather than a hand. Bulbasaur took longer to lower Frankie out of the window than it had done with the Pokémon. It seemed his weight made it a bit more of a difficult job. Max glanced nervously between the door and the window, beginning to regret his decision to let Frankie go first. Growlithe began to growl more ferociously, smoke coming out of its nostrils as it did so.

    Suddenly, wood exploded out of the middle of the door and a bone poked through the hole created. Growlithe let out a little burst of flame, more out of shock than anything else. Bulbasaur finally managed to get its vines back into the room and picked up Max without being asked. Max returned Growlithe to its Poké Ball. Another hole was smashed through the door with the bone. Human hands began pulling the two holes wider as the bone created a third. It was obvious that the Hunters were going to be in the room pretty soon.

    ‘Come on Bulbasaur!’ urged Max.

    As Bulbasaur lowered Max out of the window even slower than it had lowered Frankie, a Pokémon that Max recognised as a Marowak stepped into the hostel room through the holes in the door. Through the door he could see black figures with what looked like motorcycle helmets trying to work out how to climb through themselves. He was still quite far off the ground but struggled free from Bulbasaur’s vines in an attempt to give the Grass type enough time to escape itself. He couldn’t see into the room very well from outside but as he landed he was sure he could see the black figures inside the room. Bulbasaur’s vines quickly retracted.

    Max turned to Frankie, who was standing alone. Presumably he had returned Squirtle and Aipom to their Poké Balls. There was incoherent shouting from above as the two black figures made their way into the hostel room.

    ‘Frankie, we have to go now,’ said Max as soon as he saw his brother.

    In spite of what he had said the previous day about it not mattering if they were caught by the Hunters, he was filled with dread at the idea of it.

    ‘What about Bulbasaur?’ asked Frankie, tears streaming down his face.

    ‘I said we have to go now!’ shouted Max in response.

    The two brothers began running North out of Violet and into the overgrowth surrounding the city. Max couldn’t believe he was abandoning Bulbasaur but he knew he had no choice. He swore he would get the Grass type back... He just needed to save Will and his other Pokémon first.

  4. #49
    Rocking the Lucario Thundagere's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brotherhood

    Holy...Gama, you just had to do that, didn't you?
    I'm finding this chapter really amazing, in terms of an eye opener to personalities, as well as plenty of action. I just wish they'd had a better escape plan.
    If I may ask, why didn't Max just return Bulbasaur to it's Pokéball as he was being lowered? True, it's a bit of a drop, but lower him 5 feet and he'd be fine. Was that deliberate on your part, or?
    Seriously though, great chapter. You just made my day :)

    Made by Blue Dragon!

  5. #50
    Forbidden Forest Ranger Cosmic Gerbil's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brotherhood

    Wow, the girls were a bit wimpy leaving Max and Frankie like that :o I wonder if they will come back later or whether they have truly scarpered?

    Oh no, poor Bulbasaur :( I hope he can get away or Max can rescue him at a later date. I wonder if the Hunters were after the boys to take them home or whether they want them for a more sinister reason?

    I know it wasn't really funny under the circumstances but I had to laugh at the teenager's description of the first floor room xD
    Exit light
    Enter night
    Take my hand
    We're off to never never-land

  6. #51
    Vile Insect. RaccoonGoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brotherhood

    In some ways I like Max, in otherways I hate him.

  7. #52
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Brotherhood

    Quote Originally Posted by Thundagere View Post
    Holy...Gama, you just had to do that, didn't you?
    I'm finding this chapter really amazing, in terms of an eye opener to personalities, as well as plenty of action. I just wish they'd had a better escape plan.
    If I may ask, why didn't Max just return Bulbasaur to it's Pokéball as he was being lowered? True, it's a bit of a drop, but lower him 5 feet and he'd be fine. Was that deliberate on your part, or?
    Seriously though, great chapter. You just made my day :)
    I'm glad about the personalities thing, one of my aims with this fic was to have a large focus on characters without letting up on the action. It can be difficult at times (I think in the Training chapter I went a bit too far into personality over action) so I'm glad I managed to hit both with this chapter. Thanks.

    As for the returning thing... I imagined the Poke Ball wouldn't have the range but I guess I should've made that clear, you're right. If you mean why didn't he return it earlier, I think it would've been because it was too much of a drop. Don't forget as well that Max would've been panicking a lot at this point so he wasn't thinking at 100% capacity.

    And always very happy to hear that my writing has made someone's day! :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmic Gerbil View Post
    Wow, the girls were a bit wimpy leaving Max and Frankie like that :o I wonder if they will come back later or whether they have truly scarpered?

    Oh no, poor Bulbasaur :( I hope he can get away or Max can rescue him at a later date. I wonder if the Hunters were after the boys to take them home or whether they want them for a more sinister reason?

    I know it wasn't really funny under the circumstances but I had to laugh at the teenager's description of the first floor room xD
    True the girls were a bit wimpy but can you blame them? They don't have the same attachment to Will that Max and Frankie have (although they are obsessed with Will) and Spike was much more threatening to Anna than anyone else. Don't forget as well that Max is very headstrong and rash while the girls, particularly Anna, are a lot more aware of the risks in the things they do.

    As for the teenager's description of the first floor... I'm glad you found it funny because that was actually quite a challenging bit to write! You're British like me so it probably didn't seem that weird but I was aware that in the US and some other countries the 1st floor would refer to what we call the Ground Floor over here. I had the teenager give that patronising description so it was clear to all of my readers what floor the boys were staying on as obviously it was relevant to the situation with Bulbasaur's vines and lowering them out of the window.

    Quote Originally Posted by RaccoonGoon View Post
    In some ways I like Max, in otherways I hate him.
    Me too, my friend, me too.

    I'm hoping to get a new chapter up either tomorrow or the day over so watch this space!
    Cosmic Gerbil likes this.

  8. #53
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Brotherhood

    Ick, when I said "tomorrow or the day after" I meant it. I didn't envisage it being a full week before the next chapter came out. Many apologies. Anyway, it's here now.



    Chapter 8 – Reunion


    ‘I cannot believe you. I know I said I didn’t trust you with those Pokémon but this is bad even for you. Are you crazy, Max? Don’t you care about your Bulbasaur at all?’

    Max sat silently, fuming. He wanted to snap at Anna but right now he needed her and Becky.

    ‘Don’t you have anything to say for yourself?’ she demanded.

    ‘I’ve already said everything I have to say,’ he replied, holding back the full extent of his anger, ‘We had no choice. We had to do it. I’m going to get Bulbasaur back.’

    ‘You still haven’t explained what happened. All you’ve said is that you had no choice. That’s not an explanation.’

    ‘Give them a break, Anna,’ interjected Becky, ‘It’s obvious it’s been stressful for them. Just let them rest.’

    Becky was seated next to Frankie, who was lying in her bed, completely silent. She was stroking his head soothingly. Anna, who had been standing opposite Max, turned to face Becky.

    ‘Becky, you don’t get it, do you? These boys may have been through a lot but haven’t they put their Pokémon through even more? Especially Max’s poor Bulbasaur! Those Pokémon didn’t choose to be taken on this horrible mission!’ said Anna before turning to Max to continue, ‘Ugh! I wish we’d never helped you catch that Growlithe! Actually, that’s it! If it weren’t for me you wouldn’t have caught that poor baby Growlithe! I have a duty of care over it and a right to intervene where necessary! I demand you give it to me at once! I will not allow you to put it at risk for a second longer!’

    Max opened his mouth to object but Anna snatched his one remaining Poké Ball from his belt so quickly that he couldn’t stop her. Unfortunately for her, as she did she accidentally released the Fire type from its Poké Ball. Growlithe immediately began growling furiously at her, blowing smoke out of its nose aggressively. It appeared not to have calmed down since their clash with the Hunters.

    ‘It’s okay, Growlithe, it’s okay,’ said Max calmly.

    Growlithe turned to Max and ran over to him, sitting by his side and glaring at Anna.

    ‘Okay fine! You can keep your Growlithe but I refuse to allow you to go on another one of your crazy, stupid missions! You two are out of control! Frankie, can’t you keep your brother’s stupidity in check?’

    ‘What?’ said Frankie.

    ‘Shh, Anna! He’s resting!’

    The day went on in largely this fashion for the next few hours. Max considered whether seeking refuge at Becky’s house was actually in any way preferable to being caught by the Hunters. They had arrived at nine in the morning, a full eight hours before they were due at the Dance Theatre. Of course, he had been careful not to tell either of the girls about their plans for the evening; he knew that if he did Anna would do everything in her power to stop them.

    After a few hours, Frankie surfaced from bed and the brothers went into the spare room alone to discuss what their next move should be. Their conversation didn’t consist of much except going over what they had already said and calming down Squirtle and Aipom. They decided that, immediately after the events of this evening, whether they were successful or not, they would focus all their energy on tracking down Bulbasaur. They figured they would first head back to the hostel and then turn themselves into the Hunters: being caught by them wouldn’t be so bad if they had already finished up the whole of their mission.

    Suddenly though, their conversation was interrupted by a furious knock at the door. Max and Frankie stood bolt upright and returned their Pokémon to their Poké Balls to allow for a speedy escape. They both immediately ran into the bedroom next door where Anna and Becky were.

    ‘Do not open the front door!’ said Max.

    ‘Oh my God!’ screeched Anna, ‘Don’t tell me you’ve brought those horrible gangsters here!’

    ‘It might be a little worse than that actually. Look, just don’t open the door.’

    Anna was about to open her mouth to yell at Max again when Becky leapt forwards and interrupted.

    ‘My mum is downstairs!’

    A look of fear took over the faces of all four of them as a woman’s voice rang out from below.

    ‘Just a second!’

    ‘We have to stop her!’ said Frankie.

    ‘There’s no time!’ said Max, ‘We have to get out the window or something!’

    ‘We’ve gotten out enough windows today, Max!’

    There was silence in Becky’s bedroom as a man’s voice talking to Becky’s mother could be heard.

    ‘I’m looking for Max and Frankie Wynne, ma’am. Perhaps you could help me?’

    ‘...Wynne... As in Will Wynne?’

    ‘That’s correct, ma’am. Max and Frankie are Will Wynne’s younger brothers.’

    Max, Anna, Frankie and Becky stood silent and motionless listening to the conversation. They were too entranced to move.

    ‘I think you must have the wrong place,’ said Becky’s mother, ‘My daughter’s a big fan of Will Wynne but he doesn’t live here. I don’t know where he does live, so I’m afraid I can’t be of any help. I don’t think it’s in Ecruteak. I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful than that.’

    ‘We need to go!’ insisted Max.

    ‘How are we supposed to get out of a first floor window without Bulbasaur’s help? It’s really high!’ retorted Frankie.

    ‘I assure you this is the right place,’ came the man’s voice from downstairs, ‘Perhaps the brothers Wynne are visiting your daughter? Is that completely inconceivable?’

    ‘What is it that you want them for anyway? What business does a grown man have with two little boys?’

    ‘Is there any way out of here that doesn’t involve going downstairs?’ asked Max desperately, turning to the girls.

    ‘You could climb out of the bathroom window,’ suggested Becky, ‘It leads on to the conservatory roof, you could climb down the drain from there or just lower yourself down. It’s not too high.’

    ‘Then what happens to us?’ demanded Anna.

    ‘They’ll go away once they realise we’re not here,’ assured Max dismissively, ‘Now where’s this bathroom?’

    The four of them crept out into the upstairs corridor. As they made their way towards the bathroom the conversation between Becky’s mother and the male Hunter downstairs became much more audible.

    ‘I think you should go,’ said Becky’s mother, ‘The boys you’re looking for aren’t here and I don’t want a strange man snooping around my daughter and niece. If you don’t leave immediately I’m going to call the police.’

    ‘I’m actually working on behalf of the police. I’m an undercover agent trying to track down these two fugitives.’

    ‘Fugitives!? They’re children! I want to see some ID!’

    Immediately after this, the sound of various things tumbling to the ground and a woman’s screech were heard.

    ‘Mum!’ shouted Becky at the top of her voice.

    Anna threw her hand over Becky’s mouth but it was too late, the sound had been made. The male Hunter gave a triumphant snigger. His heavy footsteps could be heard making their way up the stairs at a surprisingly slow pace.

    Max struggled with the bathroom window, hindered both by its incredible rust and his own panic. Frankie was muttering for him to hurry up while Anna restrained Becky, preventing her from going downstairs to help her mother. By the time Max was able to wrench the window open, the Hunter could be heard stomping his way along the upstairs corridor. Max began hurriedly forcing Frankie out ahead of himself.

    ‘What about us!?’ shrieked Anna.

    ‘What about you?’ snapped Max back while trying to focus on helping Frankie out of the window.

    ‘You’re going to leave us here with that man who did god-knows-what to Becky’s mum?’

    ‘Once he realises we’ve gone, he’ll leave you alone! Just don’t try to protect us! Tell him everything you know!’

    Neither Anna nor Becky said anything to this. Both seemed to be on the verge of tears. Max didn’t pay them much attention, merely wishing them a casual goodbye as he disappeared through the bathroom window. Behind him he heard a knocking on the bathroom door just like the one they’d heard on the door of their room that morning. He did his best to put this out of his mind as he lowered himself on to the conservatory roof a few metres below the window.

    ‘Max...’ said Frankie in terror, ‘It’s bad... Really bad.’

    Max looked to Frankie in confusion, unsure what his brother was referring to. He was about to open his mouth to ask when he heard the sound of hooves coming from around the side of the house. Frankie ran up against the wall of the house, pressing his body against it to reduce his visibility. Max followed suit. Suddenly, a Rapidash appeared from behind the house with the female Hunter riding on its back. She appeared to be keeping a perimeter of the house.

    ‘There’s no way we can get past,’ said Frankie.

    ‘There has to be,’ said Max.

    However, in spite of his feigned confidence, Max could think of nothing. Neither of them had any Flying type Pokémon and the Rapidash was moving far too quickly for them to be able to break away from the house on foot without being caught. Meanwhile, the male Hunter was closing in on them from the other side. Things were beginning to seem increasingly hopeless. It seemed this was the end of the line. They would simply have to hope that the Hunters would listen to them about Spike and Chubby’s plan. Suddenly, a Poké Ball landed by Max’s feet. At first he thought it had dropped from the sky but he quickly realised that it had come from the bathroom window just above them. He grabbed the Poké Ball and released the Pokémon contained within. Becky’s Clefairy popped out.

    ‘Clefairy!’ whispered Max, ‘Please help us get out of here!’

    Clefairy looked to Max uncertainly, and then began waving its hands from left to right slowly. They glowed. The brothers looked to each other anxiously. They both knew a Metronome was risky but neither of them could think of an alternative. Clefairy’s whole body began to glow as it charged up the randomly selected attack. The brothers waited with bated breath to see what it would come out with. Behind them they could hear the sound of the bathroom door being hammered on, the male Hunter shouting threats, and Anna and Becky screaming in fear.

    A surprised look came over Clefairy’s face as its cheeks began to fill up. Max silently prayed that whatever was about to come out of its mouth would get them out of this horrible situation. Unfortunately, his prayers went unanswered. Clefairy opened its mouth to let out a huge burst of fire in a star shape: Fire Blast. There were many situations where this would have been an excellent result of a Metronome but, sadly, this was not one of them. Not only did it fail to get them off of the roof but the enormous display caught the attention of the female Hunter as she rode past the house again. She had her Rapidash stop right in front of the conservatory that the brothers were standing on and let out a long cackle.

    ‘Oh, this is brilliant! Did you really think you’d fool us with the same trick twice?’

    The brothers were silent. Clefairy began to charge a second Metronome as the female Hunter grabbed a Poké Ball from her belt and threw it to the ground in front of her, revealing a large spider-like Pokémon that Max recognised as an Ariados.

    ‘Use your webs to bring them down here, Ariados!’ commanded the female Hunter.

    ‘I think this might be it, Max,’ said Frankie to his brother.

    Max put his arm around Frankie.

    ‘We’ll still get them to come to the Dance Theatre,’ said Max, ‘They’ll listen to us... They have to.’

    Clefairy’s body began to light up, just as it had the first time. The sound of shrieks and the bathroom door being destroyed came from behind them. The female Hunter’s Ariados launched a web through the air towards the brothers. Just as it was about to reach them, though, the conservatory roof suddenly collapsed underneath them. Neither Max nor Frankie were sure of what had happened as they landed inside Becky’s conservatory. They stood for a second uncertainly. Clefairy squealed in agitation, urging them to get moving.

    ‘Dig!’ exclaimed Max, ‘Clefairy used Dig!’

    ‘We need to get going!’ shouted Frankie in response.

    Both brothers began running through the house.

    ‘X! They went through the roof! Go through after them!’ they heard the female Hunter cry.

    An incoherent response from the male Hunter came, followed by an aggressive exchange between the two of them. Max and Frankie paid attention to nothing but escaping through the house as quickly as possible. After a few seconds, the sound of argument between the Hunters ceased and the brothers could hear the heavy stomps of the male Hunter heading back through above them. When they reached the front hallway they saw Becky’s mother passed out and lying on the floor. Both wanted to stop but neither did, knowing that they didn’t have time. They opened the front door, desperately hoping that the female Hunter had been too busy arguing with her partner or guarding the back exit to have her Rapidash charge back round to the front.

    When they opened the door, they were shocked to see an adult height figure waiting for them. They both gasped in fright at first but this soon turned to relief when they registered who it was. The figure at the door was not either of the Hunters but their brother, Will, with a furious look on his face and Max’s Bulbasaur in his arms.

    ‘What the fuck do you two think you’re playing it?’

  9. #54
    Forbidden Forest Ranger Cosmic Gerbil's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brotherhood

    Oh no, that must have been really scary, the Hunters turning up at the house like that :O I am glad that Becky's mom had just fainted and not been killed.

    That was a big surprise at the end when Will turned up :D I am glad he rescued Max's Bulbasaur too. I wonder why he is so angry though? I am guessing perhaps because he is worried about his brothers and sometimes if you worry about somebody and then see they are OK, you yell at them, sort of in relief. (Lol, I know what I mean) ;) Glad that he is alright too :)
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  10. #55
    THE CULT OF PERSONALITY System Error's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brotherhood

    Okay then, so this seems like a lovely place to leave another set of comments.

    So the differences between Anna and Becky widen. I do think the strategy the cousins employ in battle is neat, although with how random Metronome is I'm surprised Clefairy didn't roll something significantly harmful to herself or Jigglypuff - not necessarily limited to Selfdestruct, but possibly Discharge or something too. Then we have Frankie. I found his line when scolding Squirtle particularly amusing. "You must not grab on to my legs." I don't know what it is about it, but it's hilariously awkward, yet it fits at the same time.

    I'm not sure if I like Aipom. Maybe I just hate the species, maybe I'm a man and think its loviness with Squirtle is too disgustingly adorable. Growlithe is legit as all hell, though. Fits Max to a T. Same for Bulbasaur - taking flames like a boss. Tech understandably doesn't seem to be Max' strong point yet, making Bulbs fight in close like that instead of staying away from the mouth. Then Anna steps in, because men are soooo dumb. But she'll still kiss them on the cheek when they're good boys. I have no idea what to make of that girl.

    Nor of the thugs, who are also apparently rapists with large and speedy Muks. Wondering how the hell they even knew they'd left. Or who King is. Or what their relationship with X and Y are.

    I enjoyed the contrast between the kid working at the crappy shanty and Becky's mother,. The former hardly gave a damn about protecting the children, probably instead just playing his meta game machine. The latter knows what's up, and ironically seems to be the smartest person we've seen so far when dealing with thugs. I also like the unity between the brothers in Chapter 7, as well as further differences between the cousins there and in Chapter 8. Becky seems like she genuinely cares what happens to Will, Max, and Frankie. Meanwhile as the chapters tick onward, I can't help but wonder if Anna would fit in with Team Plasma White.

    Oh, and Will's back now. Used his Dr. Doom powers to get back Bulbasaur and move in without the hunters knowing or something. OH SHI-

    WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT??? Eagerly anticipating it!
    Don't know what to put here.

  11. #56
    Let's get funky! Gama's Avatar Former Head Administrator
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    Default Re: Brotherhood



    Chapter 9 - Escape


    Will thrust Bulbasaur into Max’s arms, saying nothing. He then grabbed a Poké Ball from his belt and turned so that his back was facing his brothers.

    ‘Come on, guys, we need to get out of here fast!’ he said.

    He began running forward and threw the Poké Ball in his hand to the ground as he did. It exploded to reveal a pink sheep-like Pokémon with a few pieces of white fluff on its body and a long tail: a Flaafy. Max and Frankie were too stunned to move. They had not expected to see Will so soon. They hadn’t really expected to see him at all.

    Suddenly, the female Hunter appeared from around the side of the house, still astride her Rapidash.

    ‘Thunder Wave! First on Hunter Y then on her Rapidash!’ cried Will.

    Flaafy burst into action. It launched two quick bolts of electricity. As instructed, the first hit the female Hunter, presumably named ‘Hunter Y’, causing her to fly off the back of her Rapidash, as the Fire type kept running without her. It was not running for much longer though, as Flaafy’s second Thunder Wave stopped it in its tracks, causing it to tumble to the floor, gripped by paralysis. Will turned around to face his brothers. He seemed about to snap at them but instead turned to Flaafy again.

    ‘Flaafy! Hunter X! In the house!’

    Flaafy turned around to Max and Frankie and launched a third bolt of lightning, this one passing between their heads and barely missing them. The sound of a grown man grunting in pain could be heard behind them. Both brothers turned to see Hunter X on the floor, his body seized up. Just behind him stood his Marowak which was preparing to throw its bone at them.

    ‘Bulbasaur!’ shouted Will desperately.

    Bulbasaur leapt out of Max’s arms and threw a vine out in front of it, catching the bone just before it hit Max in the face. Throughout, Max and Frankie simply stood watching in the doorway, stunned by fear at the explosive events around them. Marowak began running towards the brothers to continue its attack but Bulbasaur proceeded to smack it across the face with its own bone before hurling the bone across the room and using its vines to pummel Marowak into submission. Once the Ground type was unconscious on the floor, Will ran up between Max and Frankie, putting his arms around their necks.

    ‘Guys, I know this is scary but we need to move now. Hunters X and Y are going to be up and moving again pretty soon and when they are, they’re gonna come after us, and next time we might not be so lucky.’

    Max and Frankie nodded, mumbling incoherently.

    ‘Withdraw Bulbasaur,’ Will ordered Max, sending Flaafy back to its Poké Ball as he did.

    Max nodded again and did as he was told. Will then began running away from Becky’s house, indicating for Max and Frankie to follow. The two younger Wynne brothers hesitated for a moment longer but soon began running themselves.

    As they ran through Ecruteak City, Max and Frankie quickly found themselves desperately out of breath and began begging their older brother to let them stop, but he refused. Will told them that they hadn’t gotten far enough to be sure the Hunters wouldn’t be on their tail yet, so they had to push on. The younger Wynne brothers reluctantly followed. Before long they were out of Ecruteak and running through a grassy area with trees dotted along the edge of the path. As they approached a small body of water, Will took a sudden left and disappeared into a cave. Max and Frankie followed, narrowly avoiding falling in the water in front of them.

    The inside of the cave was spectacularly dark but Will seemed to know the way by heart. Max and Frankie followed the sounds of his footsteps, though it was difficult to make them out over the sound of what seemed to be a waterfall coming from deeper inside the cave. After going in a little further, Will suddenly stopped running.

    ‘We can stop now,’ he announced before sitting down.

    Max and Frankie did not need telling twice. They immediately collapsed right where they were standing. Will removed a Poké Ball from his belt and threw it to the ground, revealing a larger, redder version of his Charmander: a Charmeleon. It stood next to Will proudly without even a hint of the timid Charmander that Max and Frankie had seen back in Goldenrod. The flame on its tail gave a dull orange lighting to the small cavern, closed off from the main cave, in which the brothers sat. Shadows danced around the walls as Charmeleon’s flame slowly moved, either with the wind or the Pokémon’s own small movements.

    ‘Alright,’ said Will once the three of them were settled, ‘So to repeat my earlier question, what the fuck do you two think you’re doing?’

    Neither Max nor Frankie replied as both were too busy trying to catch their breath.

    ‘I asked you a fucking question!’ snapped Will after going unanswered for about two seconds.

    Frankie said nothing, he was too scared: he was seeing a side to his brother that he had never seen before. Max, though surprised by Will’s sudden aggressive turn, was nowhere near as surprised as his younger brother: he had been on the receiving end of Will’s rages on many occasions.

    ‘We were trying to help,’ retorted Max angrily, ‘You went out to fight this criminal gang with nothing but a baby Charmander! You’re not the amazing Will Wynne if you haven’t got your Pokémon! You needed all the help you could get!’

    ‘Who said I was trying to fight them? And anyway, even if I was what makes you think a tiny baby Squirtle and a tiny baby Bulbasaur are going to be any help at all? I told you to stay at home and I told you that for a reason. You two are in way over your heads right now. I can’t believe you’ve been fucking around with King and Spike, and you’ve even got the fucking Hunters after you. Seriously, what are you playing at?’

    ‘Well if we’re such useless fuck ups, please tell us what a real fighter does, Will! What’ve you been doing these last two days?’

    ‘I haven’t had time to do anything! I’ve been trying to clean up your mess! I was on my way to the Ruins of Alph to talk to King when my phone started exploding with calls asking what had happened to my Pokémon and how I’d lost them! Apparently my two idiot brothers had been in the National Park broadcasting everything that had happened! You call that helping?’

    Max was silent. He didn’t know what to say. He was furious. He wanted to blame Frankie for talking to Anna and Becky in the first place but he knew that wouldn’t be a helpful thing to do.

    ‘Then I head back to National Park to make sure you guys are alright and I see Hunters X and Y buzzing around! You’re off the radar for a few hours but all it takes is a few quick phone calls to the cheapest hotels and hostels within an hour’s walk of National Park to find out not only where you’re staying but your god damned phone number! By the time I got there, the door had been kicked to shit and Bulbasaur was sitting in the room by itself, shaking with fear. I don’t know how X and Y found you but they must have been on your trail pretty quickly because they were making no efforts to hide whatsoever – they were just storming straight out of Violet City riding their Dodrio and Rapidash. There’s a lot of questions I could be asking you right now, like why you left Bulbasaur behind, why you used your real name on the hostel guestbook and why you did a million other dumb things but there’s just one that I really need to know the answer to: are you trying to get caught or are you just stupid?’

    Max did not respond. He began breathing heavily. His anger was on the verge of consuming him. He knew what he and Frankie had done hadn’t been the smartest way to handle the situation but he couldn’t help feeling that Will was being somehow unjust. It felt like typical Will, doing his best to make Max feel small for no reason, just like he always did. He wanted to scream at Will and tell him why he was wrong but, as usual, he had nothing to say. He knew that Will was in the wrong but he couldn’t express how. He focused all his energy on keeping his mouth shut: he knew that if he didn’t he’d just scream incoherently and humiliate himself even further.

    ‘We’re not stupid,’ piped up Frankie eventually, ‘We were trying our best to help, we really were. You don’t have to be so mean, Will.’

    There was a pause in which none of the brothers spoke. Will took a deep breath in.

    ‘I’m sorry,’ said Will, now in a much calmer tone, ‘I didn’t mean to lose my temper. It’s just... frustrating. I told you guys to stay put. I told you where I was going because I trusted you.’

    ‘We didn’t let you down!’ announced Frankie happily, ‘We’ve come up with a plan!’

    ‘...A plan?’ asked Will hesitantly.

    ‘That’s right!’ interjected Max, ‘Spike and Chubby were talking about how they were all gonna hit the Dance Theatre tonight and they said that they wouldn’t want Hunters X and Y around! We looked up the showing times for the Dance Theatre and then we made sure the Hunters were on our tail so we could lead them here! That’s why I left my real name in the hostel guestbook! That way the Hunters will catch Spike and Chubby red handed and hand them over to the police! They’ll have to give our Pokémon back then! It’s still a few hours away yet though so we’ll have to make sure they’re still around Ecruteak for it to work.’

    Frankie and Max looked to Will with proud smiles across their faces. Will stared back furiously, the jumping shadows across his face distorting his anger into an even more terrifying expression. Charmeleon did not react to its master’s changing emotions, it simply stood next to Will, as if supporting whatever decision he might make. The two younger Wynnes began to grow uncertain. It was obvious Will was unhappy but they had no idea why. Max looked behind him to make sure no one had entered the cave without them noticing. Frankie considered that perhaps Hunters X and Y didn’t want to hand Spike and Chubby into the police after all. Neither of them could figure anything out. They were both terrified that when Will finally started talking again, he would begin yelling but when he did, he barely spoke above a whisper. He sounded positively terrified.

    ‘Spike and Chubby told you they were hitting the Dance Theatre tonight?’

    ‘That’s right,’ answered Max.

    ‘Did they say tonight or did they just say that it would be at some point today?’

    ‘Well, they said it would be at some point today but there’s only shows on in the evening.’

    ‘Right. They said they didn’t want Hunters X and Y to be there. They told you that too?’

    ‘Yeah,’ said Max, feeling as though he was walking into a trap of some kind.

    ‘You’re sure?’

    Max nodded. Will paused thoughtfully. Max and Frankie looked to each other. Charmeleon stared emotionlessly at the two younger Wynne brothers.

    ‘Oh my God,’ said Will finally, ‘I get it. I fucking get it now. Oh shit, this is really bad.’

    ‘What!?’ cried Max.

    ‘It’s a trap!’ exclaimed Will, ‘Spike and Chubby aren’t gonna be there!’

    ‘So we’ll get caught?’ asked Max.

    ‘No! Worse than that! King, Saf, Slim, and the rest of King’s guys are gonna get caught!’

    ‘Who are King, Saf and Slim?’

    ‘King and Saf were there when we got mugged. King has a shaved head, gold earring: he’s the boss. Saf’s King’s girlfriend: the one with blue hair. Slim you’ve never met, don’t worry about him. They’re all part of the gang but they’re King’s people, not Spike’s people like Chubby.’

    ‘Well it’s good if they get caught, isn’t it?’ asked Max, ‘That gang... They’re the bad guys, right?’

    ‘It’s not as simple as that, Max,’ answered Will, ‘There aren’t good guys and bad guys in real life. This gang... Look, the long and short of it is that if King and his guys all get fucked, Spike is gonna be the new boss, and if Spike is the new boss, then any chances of us getting our Pokémon back just went out the window. King is a reasonable guy. Spike... He’s a psycho. The only thing that’s ever stopped him from being a full on maniac is the fact that King’s the boss. If King gets done in, then we’re really fucked.’

    There was silence in the cave for a few moments.

    ‘We can still stop it!’ said Max eventually, ‘It’s not over yet!’

    ‘You better damn well hope we can stop it,’ retorted Will immediately.

    ‘It’s five hours before the next showing at the Dance Theatre!’ said Max, ‘We’ve got loads of time! Can’t we just lead them somewhere else... Like walk to Mahogany and make sure the Hunters are following us or something?’

    Will looked at Max thoughtfully for a few seconds. Like when he had become angry, the shadows flickering across his face transformed his quizzical expression into something terrifying.

    ‘How did you work that out? Did they say what time they’d be there?’

    ‘No,’ said Max with growing hesitation, ‘But- but the showings tonight are at five and seven. Why would they go there outside of that time? No one will be there.’

    ‘The Kimono Girls will be there,’ snapped Will immediately.

    ‘So? Wouldn’t they make more money out of robbing a whole audience of people than they would robbing five Kimono Girls?’

    ‘Probably but five or six teenagers might be reluctant to try and hold up a crowd of about a hundred people, particularly with the increased security presence that goes hand in hand with shows. Also, if they’re going for the Kimono Girls, I doubt they’re gonna be robbing them.’

    There was silence in the cave again. Both Max and Frankie’s minds flashed back to the way that Spike had treated Anna. They didn’t want to think about what interests the gang might have in the Kimono Girls. However, it seemed Will knew his brothers well enough to tell what they were thinking by their facial expression alone.

    ‘Oh jeez, not that! What I’m saying is, don’t you think they’d make a bit more money by kidnapping a Kimono Girl than they would by robbing one? Look, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’ve gotta stop this happening. We need to keep a perimeter of the Dance Theatre. If we see the Hunters, we lead them away. If we see King and his gang, we warn them and get them out of there as soon as possible. You guys clear on that?’

    Max and Frankie slowly nodded.

    ‘Alright, we need to go now! Let’s get moving!’

  12. #57
    See the King SetheKing's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brotherhood

    Amazing story. If you don't mind, tag me. I definitely want to know when the next chapter comes out.
    Gama likes this.

  13. #58
    Forbidden Forest Ranger Cosmic Gerbil's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brotherhood

    I have just had a thought. I wonder if Will is secretly part of King's gang? He seems to be acting odd and he's definitely got some secrets under his belt. I may be wrong but I just wondered xD

    It was good when Frankie became brave enough to stand up to Will :) I was afraid they were all going to start fighting agai when they need to work together now.

    Poor Kimono gilrs...I hope the lads can help them D:
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  14. #59
    The First Homunculus Pride's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brotherhood

    I'll do a joint review for both chapters, if you don't mind ;).

    CHAPTER 8:
    I like how action-y it was, especially at the end with the Hunters after them. You also really made that mood- I was terrified with what would happen. Would they get caught? Or sent home? Anna and Becky seem interesting as well, and I'm sure they'll be back.

    Also, HOLY SHIT WILL'S BACK.

    CHAPTER 9:
    Good job again. This chapter seemed really quick paced, you just went right into it. I can't wait to see what they'll do at the Dance Theatre either. And the power struggle thing between King and Spike was a cool revelation, added a piece to the story. I can only wait and see.

    I just wish you would post more :(. A chapter every 1 or 2 weeks is fine, and i know you're busy and stuff, but it'd be awesome to get a chapter everyday :D. But I don't think it's possible, for now anyways.

  15. #60
    THE CULT OF PERSONALITY System Error's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brotherhood

    So point form comments on this chapter.

    - 2-3 days and Will already has a Charmeleon and a Flaaffy? Even training Max' Bulbasaur in vinework between the time he picked it up and when to Ecruteak? Man, he must've been grinding the hell out of some n00bs everywhere. :D

    - Will has an alternate identity and a secret cave that he knows his way around? Okay, so it's now improbable that he is Dr. Doom but on the other hand HOLY SHIT HE'S BATMAN!!!

    - So I'm assuming from knowing a guy named Slim and being able to reason with King that Will has a passable history with...the King's Court, as I'll call the gang for lack of any real name at this point. As for why the Court would attack their former associate in some form they seemed on good terms with for no reason other than because one of their less composed members said so...um? I dunno, maybe they're all a little crazy.

    - I like the mild implication that if Max and Frankie stayed home, Will never returned after 72 hours and they called in the police as instructed, they would've found a captured, or possibly dead/otherwise grievously wounded Will at the Ruins.

    - I find it ironic that right after Will explains there's no good guys or bad guys that he goes on to describe a guy who can't be anything but bad.
    Don't know what to put here.

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