29th December 2011, 11:17 PM #1
Feel the Void
A Blizzards Bite
THE BIRTH OF A KING
Where am I......
My head was pounding and it seemed my hands were in metal shackles that quite frankly hurt a lot. I could nearly taste the blood that my arm must be bleeding.
Lets look around to see where the fu-
Hm, there seems to be a sweaty band around my eyes. There was a gag in my mouth that tasted of blood both fresh and new and shackles on my hands and feet .
What is going on?
Little did I know that I would have my answer. Big calloused hands ripped the blindfold and gag off my mouth and I gasped for air. Where was I? Looking around I deduced we were in a old kite factory since there was boxes with Remoraid and Pidgeot shaped kites. There was an individual in front of me in miner clothing with a sooty and hardened face. His eyes seemed to be penetrating the very essence of me and his muscles bulged out of his clothing.
What was I ev-
"Well well, looks like the king finally decided to wake up." The man sarcastically commented, almost as if this was all I game to him and I was merely a pawn. The knives his side gleamed in the artificial light that the factory was producing and I cringed a little. Obviously he wasn't here to deliver my shipment of royal clothes I ordered.
"Oh, your not going to talk? That is fine, after all they didn't pay me to interrogate you. I love jobs when employers just tell me to kill em." he gleefully said as he laughed a throaty laughed and then ended it abruptly with a drunken burp. I could nearly taste the liquor in his breath.
"Are you really Blizzard born? It will make a good tale to kill the first blizzard born that had been seen in a century. To have slain the man who is not only royalty but King with the blessings of the blizzard. But that is all as well. Your bloodline ends today little sparrow. You know, its a damn shame to kill a kid. But when they are paying my weight in gold just to kill a kid, sometimes the money compensates for the guilt. Good bye King Raphael" He got off his rickety chair and revealed a gleaming handgun.
You could see the Crescent moon in its well polished handle and he loaded the gun while humming a tune.
Pointing the gun at my head he dryly remarked "Any last words?"
I looked at him and bitterly spat out "I will find you and whoever employed you. This will not go unpunished."
It seemed to unnerve him that I was not whimpering and groveling like a dog at this point. But then he released the safety and spat out "Whatever, you're just a kid trying to talk like a man. The wolves are eating well tonight."
The hammer of the gun fell accompanied with a loud bang and then everything went dark.
- - - - - - - - -
An elderly couple was strolling down the mountain after making their pilgrimage to worship their Gods who they believed presided at the top of the mountain.
They saw a teenager nearly buried in the falling snow with a gaping hole in his head as if he got shot by a large caliber handgun. But even more interestingly the ice seemed to be trying to stop the bleeding thus only a small portion of the snow around him was tainted red.
The immediately hauled the boy off into their cabin and waited for him to awaken. Who was he they wondered? Why was he left for dead? Why would they do this? For all they saw was a poor bloke with a bad run of luck. But this was merely waking the sleeping giant withing the boy. For when he woke up, the terror that his divine powers had bestowed him will begin to awaken and the world shall quake and tremble at his steps.
For Raphael Wulf was about to unleash powers that haven't been seen in a century that would collapse whole infrastructures of society.
Oh, his father would be proud.
Last edited by Stormbringer; 1st January 2012 at 03:17 PM.
30th December 2011, 01:08 AM #2
I Put On Fo My City
Re: A Blizzards Bite
Wow, very powerful and intense opening! Great work!
Some grammar and word usage mistakes, but nothing major and nothing that severely took away from the amazing detail and description that was going on in the chapter. (ex: you used the word "awake" when you should have used "awaken").
Amazing start to what seems like an epic story.
30th December 2011, 04:23 PM #3
Feel the Void
Re: A Blizzards Bite
"Where .... am I?" I looked around and saw that I was in a small room with a wooden floor. The bed frame seemed to quiver and shake as if it was only supposed to handle children, not 6 '4 teenagers. My feet hung off the bed and there was an oak dresser next to me that had some ragged homemade clothes. My voice echoed quite loud as the house was small and old.
There was a hunched over elderly lady in the kitchen knitting clothes who nearly jumped out of her skin hearing my voice. The kitchen was another equally small room with a simple propane grill and assorted meats in an open freezer. She was a skinny yet kind looking lady with wrinkles that seemed to come from smiling, perhaps laughing. With a kind complexion and gray hair that seemed to flow naturally I had a good feeling about her.
Actually a better question would be, Who am I? My head was pounding like I had been drinking gasoline and I felt like I had been sleeping for a millennium. The headache seemed to be the least of my problems however. Amnesia was a much more serious matter. I felt my pockets for a sign of a wallet, anything that would give me my identification. I then noticed that I was wearing old, bloody, and torn clothes. What had happened to me? My God, what in the bloody bullocks is going on?
"Oh, your awake! Good, I was worried about you when we found you left in the snow. Oh, you poor dear, would you like some tea?" The old lady crooned as she immediately found her cane and started hobbling to an ancient tea pot and started brewing tea.
I was confounded. Left in snow? Why was I in the snow? Who was this friendly old lady? Should I know her?
I stammered out by some miracle "Yes mam." as if my mouth was on autopilot ignoring the crisis in my brain. Of course I would like some tea, I mean I already lost the grip on my entire life and past, might as well enjoy some tea.
She poured steaming tea into a petite little cup and put it on the table in the next room. The next room I presumed was the living room with the mighty fire roaring in the fireplace and a couch. The table that sat in the middle of it all was a glass table with intricate carvings. She slowly made her way to the couch and placed the tea on the table. The tea steamed as it was carefully placed on the table by ancient hands. The old lady slowly sat n the couch as if every motion was an effort, a trial.
I wobbled my way over to the table and took a seat. There was bandages covering my legs, hands, and head which made it difficult to balance. I nearly stumbled and fell several times and the few yards felt like miles. When I finally made my way to the couch, I plopped down as if my body was dead weight.
She gave me a sorrowful look and asked me "Are you all right?"
I looked at myself to find the answer. There was slashes on my legs and arms. There was heavy bandages on my head though no evidence why. They were all healed. Holy Divines, how long was I sleeping? I didn't feel like an old man, in fact I felt like a teenager. How old was I? Did I have a name? What was it?
"Um.... yes mam I am. May I ask what happened to me?" I said slowly as if I was fumbling with the words in my mouth trying to juggle them. The words came out like they were out of a drunken mans lips. Slurred and nearly incomprehensible.
"You don't remember? By the Gods, it must of really taken a toll on your body .... But you have the right to know I guess...........I found you with several lacerations and a bullet wound on the side of a mountain path. I took you in but strangely the ice seemed to have already healed most of your wounds. All I had really to do was just put bandages on it. It was miraculous, when I loaded you on the wagon you had a giant bullet wound in your head but by the time I took you out it was as if I stepped into the Arctic. The wagon was cold as frost and the wound in your head was healed. So me and my husband took you inside and let you rest here until you woke up. You slept for only a couple days because most of the wounds were already gone." She slowly explained. She was very brash and frank about it in a manner as if her old eyes had seen far worse. It was then when I saw the hardened look in her eyes and how she must of seen and experienced things of equal magnitude.
I was mystified. Obviously somebody wanted me dead, that was apparent. I mean you just don't shoot a guy in the head and go "Oh shucks, I sure hope he lives." But I don't even recall who I am. I felt helpless like a new born, I barely recalled anything. I couldn't even recall my mother's face... did I even have a mother? I felt like I was back in the womb as long I was in this house. The house seemed to protect me from the dangerous outside world that tried to kill me. I remained silent and slowly sipped my tea.
We sat in silence for several minutes and I finished my tea. The lady offered to take my emptied tea cup but I stubbornly refused to request favors from a lady who already did so much for me.
As I returned after I stuck the cup in a silver sink, seemingly the only thing that wasn't made of oak in the house, I went back to the old couch and sat down.
"Where is your husband?" I asked weakly as I tried to avoid thinking about matters at hand. I fumbled with my hands as they tried to recall familiar muscle patterns.
"Oh, he is out hunting game for dinner. You should rest, I'll wake you up when it is time to for dinner. You have been through a lot." She said in a motherly tone. It was all so fast, why did it have to be so fast. One day I'm on top of the world and the next your nearly dead and the next your having amnesia problems.
I staggered back to bed and laid down. Why was the world so bloody confusing?
I felt like I had been pelted by an avalanche of information. I didn't want to think, hell I didn't want to live. What do I do now? I suppose I had to repay the elderly couple for their kindness but how? I don't even recall my past much less if I was particularly spectacular at anything. Maybe I was a funny story teller, maybe I was a black smith, maybe I was a bloody king. All the possibilities horrified me. There was time to trouble myself over that tomorrow I figured and fell into a deep slumber.
Good night me.............
A cold Arctic wind rushed through the house nearly dropping it below zero and a shadowy figure rushed through the wooden door leaving ice in his tracks.
It watched over the young teenager's bed and hunched over him making observations. Good the teenager was healing and had memory problems, all according to plans. However they did not have enough time for the teenager to go through it in a natural time span, they would have to rush him through the events of his destiny. Such a shame that the boy had to die so young. It would of been more humane to just let him die in the ice instead of healing him.However this was not a time for regrets.
He hunched over and touched Raphael with his icy fingers.
Good night Raphael Wulf. May the rest of the Divines smile on you. And remember, you are my son. No matter what.
Last edited by Stormbringer; 1st January 2012 at 03:16 PM.
30th December 2011, 04:24 PM #4
Feel the Void
Re: A Blizzards Bite
@Legacy :Thanks for the review :D
31st December 2011, 05:47 PM #5
Feel the Void
Re: A Blizzards Bite
The next few weeks felt like a giant dream. The only thing that was really out of the norm was that there was a mysterious ice trail leading to my bed each night. Though at first it was topic for many dinner table conversations with my new guardians the story grew stale and soon it got incorporated into the new norm with the elderly lady thinking perhaps there was a space between the wood framing that allowed the blizzard to peek into the house.
Get up. Eat. Work. Clean. Eat. Hunt. Eat. Sleep
It felt so mechanical, so restricted, so tiring. I found myself occupied with the routine of normal things and soon felt empowered by it. I knew exactly what was going to happen exactly when and it allowed me to control that small portion of my life. The control felt marvelous.
Until the 5th of Winter that is when I saw on the television that the High King of Havdoh was missing and presumed dead. It showed a boy that looked kind of like me. What a weird coincidence. Turns out that he was last of the Wulf bloodline and Blizzard Borne. The Wulf bloodline was famous for having the blood of the Ice God Crosis who long ago gave them the blessing of Blizzard. The ability to tap into the power of the God himself. The last father of the current presumed dead son was famous for overthrowing the shadowy Fire Cult that threatened to send the whole continent ablaze by their mysterious Arcane arts. The Father, Sylvester Wulf, nearly shattered the continent in two when he called upon the mightiest blizzard of their time. The blizzard froze the Arcane Fire Wizards and solved the crisis. However it also froze to death nearly half the nation and Sylvester was beheaded as a consequence for the deaths of millions of innocent citizens. Even to this day the blizzard rages in the continent transforming a once tropical forest continent into an icy hellhole to put it lightly. Before he died however, he impregnated a young widow with his son Raphael.
Then it showed that a new royal bloodline was chosen by all of the Province Officials and now a man by the name Eldritch Root was High King. The Root bloodline? It showed the face of the New High King and he was a kind yet feeble looking old man that was smiling softly.
A sharp pang ran through my head after the broadcast was over and I nearly fell to the floor from it. A sensation ran through me like the pulse of a giant telling me that I was supposed to be on that throne. I felt like my mind was revolting against me. Me, high king? Hell I can barely rule my mind much less a whole continent. It was ridiculous. The elderly lady called me over for breakfast, deer stew, and as I was in mid walk halfway to the kitchen another sharp pang ran through my head. I fell to the floor and pain as I witnessed the scene flashing by me.
I saw myself attached to a wall with bloody shackles holding me down. There was a sweaty bandana across my eyes and a bloody gag in my mouth. There was a muscly man in miner clothing polishing his gun in a chair across from me. It was like watching a movie, but then the scene started to change. The man ripped the gag and blindfold off me. I had a ferocious look in my eyes and I seemed to lust for bloodshed. He started boasting and laughing and I remained silent. Then when he was done and asked me for my last words I was shocked at the defiance of them. It was like flipping off the Death Lord.what I was saying. He was the one with the gun and yet I was acting as if I had all the cards in my hand. He then seemed to grow a little scared as if I WAS in control then his face regained his cocky composure. He shot me and then hauled me out of the factory. He carried me to the top of the mountain then threw me off of it. There was no way I could of survived that. But then I went down to the image of myself and saw an icy giant tenderly heal my wounds with a touch of his han-
No they were not hands. With the touch of his icy talons the shadowy figure in ragged robes healed the broken bones and wounds. The hole in my head closed up and I saw my figure start breathing normally. There was a little bit of blood on the ice but considering how much there should of been it was a bloody miracle. He then dissipated into the blizzard and the elderly couple found me. They hauled my body onto the wagon and I seemed to bring the blizzard with me. Then the elderly man picked me up like a sack of potatoes and laid me gently on the bed.
I came back from the flashback as if no time had passed even though I just witnessed an hour worth of events. The elderly lady was giving me a worried look then hobbled over to me.
"Are you okay?"
I felt nauseated, after all I just witnessed my own death.
I lied and told her I was fine. I went to the table and ate with the lady silently though my vision was still freshly imprinted on my mind.
I had to do something about this. So after all the chores of washing dishes and tending to the fire, me and Albert went to go hunting. Albert was the husband of the elderly lady and muscles laced throughout his elderly frame. He was built like a tank. His eyes had a hard look to them and his face was gruff. His beard was long and grey and he often wore farmer clothing though he didn't have a farm. No, nobody had a farm these days. You can't farm on ice.
We delved into the blizzard and soon split up to go hunt for game. Wolves, bears, anything that was edible. I went searching for the factory to see if my vision was fact or fiction.
At first it seemed as if the frozen tundra was swallowing me up, and that the ice would be my deathbed. I started calling myself crazy for trying to find a kite factory in the middle of nowhere relying on a vision that could very well be a delusion of my mind. But then I saw a bloody patch of ice. I remembered this was where they left me and that the kite factory should be further up the mountain. I hiked up the path and made it to the factory. The factory was old and grey and a sign on top read "Kaitlynn Kites". Such a harmless name for a human butcher shop.
Walking inside the factory, an eerie aura permitted from it telling me that I shouldn't be wandering around over here. However I fought the urge to run and I went further inside. At first it seemed like an ordinary factory but reaching a room brightly lit by skylights it showed a bloody wall with shackles, a used gag and blindfold, and a note on a chair. That is weird I don't remember seeing a note in my vision. I went over to the bloodied wall and felt sick to my stomach. This was where I was presumably tortured. I slowly traced my way to the chair with the note and opened the crinkled note.
Bounty :Raphael Wulf
Somebody wants this poor sap dead.
You know what to do Dom
This was where Raphael Wulf was shot... where I was shot? Was I....
No, that was preposterous.
Besides I haven't even shown any signs of being this "Blizzard Borne King". I couldn't delve into sheets of ice. I couldn't summon raging blizzards. Hell I couldn't even cool down my tea.
A true blooded Blizzard Borne would be able to reach through solid sheets of ice, he could roar blizzards, his hands shot out winter's bite, and he was supposed to be almost Godlike in a full raging blizzard.
I went back outside dazed from this disturbing revelation and I rejected it, crumpling up the note and regretting I ever ventured out here. I noticed that there was a blizzard raging in full fury outside by now. Giving one last farewell to my near deathbed of a factory I started trekking home. I hadn't realized that I had walked miles to the factory and the way back was tiring. Sitting down and leaning on a tree I let out a yawn and rested my legs.
I noticed that their was a pretty frozen apple on the frozen tree. This tree must be a remnant of the forest before "The Great Blizzard".
What I didn't notice was the giant saber cat that was ready to rip me apart only a meter away, hidden by the blizzard.
Last edited by Stormbringer; 1st January 2012 at 04:03 PM.
31st December 2011, 11:18 PM #6
Feel the Void
Re: A Blizzards Bite
The Saber Cat showed no mercy or remorse. It saw merely fresh meat, not knowing that it was about to seal its own doom. It's muscles rippled and flexed as it pounced on me instantly knocking me down.
It attacked with sharp bloody fangs that were ready to rip out my throat, an instant kill.
To say that I was dealing with my impending doom honorably would be a lie. I screamed out of sheer terror as the first one threatened to tear out my neck. However I didn't feel anything. Time seemed to stop. The shadowy figure from my vision walked up to me slowly. The saber cat was in mid air and was defying laws of physics. The figure in robes clucked his tongue. There was snow stuck in midair that evaporated when I touched it. I stood up then the figure spoke.
"Tsk tsk, can't you handle yourself a tad longer before you get yourself in a bind. See, now I have to save you because the Divines do not want you to die yet. However I will not save you as they requested. You shall save yourself. I heard your scream and stopped your impending doom."
He walked over to the tiger and remarked "This sabre cat is merely the beginning of a long string of obstacles you'll face. However you will overcome them all, it has already been written in holy text. I am merely a pusher, a mover, somebody that makes sure that the holy text is followed through. I shall teach you the first of your inheritance as High King, the Roar of the Blizzard. To do this, you must feel the ice course through your veins. You must gather up your kinetic energy and store it in your throat. Then you release the energy and the rest will become clear." He paused for a bit then looked at me with glowing red eyes and I saw a glimmer of his black deathly face. "Do you understand?"
I was still in wonder and my head nodded by itself.
"Good. Then my job is done. Good bye Raphael, I have a battle to watch." The ominous figure said then he cackled. Time unfroze and the Saber Cat plopped to the ground. I looked around and the figure was gone and the blizzard was back on full blast, raging like a mighty beast.
There was no time to waste. I started slowly trying to gather energy. It felt like there was massive pressure building up in my chest. Then I slowly moved it along to my vocal chords and throat.
By then the Saber Cat already regained its composure and roared as it got ready to pounce again.
Strangely I remained calm though. I released to energy as the cat leaped at me.
The feeling was indescribable. I felt like I had released all the energy in my body and all of my muscles suddenly relaxed. I flew backwards from the force of the blast and I felt something leave my mouth.
The Sabre Cat was also flown backwards and landed on a sharp rock formation promptly breaking the Cat's back.
I flew onto the tree I was previously resting on and broke through several branches before I landed onto the soft snow.
It seemed as if I harnessed and used the whole blizzard for the weather suddenly changed from a vicious blizzard to a calm snow. I laid on the ground gasping for air. I felt thoroughly exhausted and couldn't move for what seemed hours. When I finally had enough energy to make the trek back I went back to the house empty handed. Albert was already there and rabbit stew was on the stove. Apparently I spent nearly 24 hours lost in the snow and they were worried out of their wits. I was greeted with a barrel full of stew since the elderly wife was dead sure that I must be starving and sent me straight to bed.
I am Raphael Wulf!
I felt empowered by just knowing my true name.
Laying in the bed with my bones aching for rest, I fell into a deep slumber.
The boy conquered the beast, very good. The figure examined the Sabre Cat with great interest. Death by a broken back, it was very fortunate that the boy was able to use the roar. It usually takes years to use a roar. And even more time to be able to use it in battle.
Everything was going to plan however there were forces at work that were constantly forcing it to move faster and faster.
Right as they spoke the Divines were at battle with ancient forces that had been slumbering for the last few millennium. Someone was waking them up. And they were very good for avoiding detection from even the Gods.
However the boy will pull through I'm sure. He has to after all.
The boy was still alive. It was stupid to think that a petty gun for hire could handle this. Looks like I'll deal with this myself.
The masked man slipped on black gloves and a trench coat. There was a giant black dagger at his waist. His mask was that of a screaming demon which hid the identity of the man. He was in a fine regal room that was underground. There was signs of massive wealth everywhere and ancient demon writings all over the walls.
He slipped into the the cold blizzard with flames erupting from his hands.
Last edited by Stormbringer; 1st January 2012 at 04:42 PM.
1st January 2012, 04:09 AM #7
Re: A Blizzards Bite
I like the concept of this story, but it seems to go by way too fast for my tastes. For example, you made Raphael find out that he was supposed to be high-king in 5 short sentences, which I think you could have extended, possibly so much as to fill up a majority of the chapter. That being said, I still think this has potential, if you slow down the rapid pace and possibly explain and describe with some more details.
I can tell this is based off of Skyrim, so I instantly like it.
1st January 2012, 04:42 PM #8
Feel the Void
Re: A Blizzards Bite
@Jester :I edited it extensively except the first chapter. I changed a lot of stuff and I would appreciate if you could reread it and give me more helpful criticism.