Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

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    Strange is Relative Dewgong Reign's Avatar
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    Default Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

    My Advanceshipping Oneshot! Tell me what you think (I'll have it on ff.net soon) Rated T for mild swearing and suggestives


    Blinded Love
    By EmpoleonFrost

    Rain poured onto Slateport City in a rage of howling wind and waves brining the rocks. Women and children ran beneath awnings, covering themselves with newspapers or backpacks. In the midst of the commotion, he solemnly walked across the softening ground. Raindrops pelted the pebbly grounds of Slateport Marketplace, caught unaware by the fast moving angry storm that began only hours before. A shadow cast across his face by a cap, and his mouth remained unspeaking. Marks across the 17 year-old’s face suggested a gruff and burning spirit, cast among the reality of what he really felt. He even saw her through the raindrops, an image of his love, although he himself refused to love her years before. Through the water that chilled his face and left pools of rain, drops ran down his face that were warm but never strengthened the spirit. The harsh raindrops against his cheeks felt far better than the drops he was feeling, that left not pools of rain, but pools of sadness and broken spirit. He collapsed onto a bench, rubbing his face with his rough hands covered by fingerless gloves that had held her hand years before on a Lakefront similar to Slateport. Gray clouds rumbled and he became lost in memory.
    Four years ago he’d held her hand. Three years ago, he’d entered the Sinnoh Hal of Fame. A time before that she’s left, her and her brother off to Hoenn, him to go to Sinnoh, not knowing that at the time. A time before that he’d met her, she had the opportunity to become a trainer, declining it for two years straight. He was the same age as her when he showed her the benefits of Pokémon, she was amazingly skilled, but she was also amazingly beautiful. She wore a bandana, hiding her brunette hair. He was a best friend to her once, not knowing until he matured did he realize how she- and he, also felt.

    He loved her, and until now, he hadn’t said love. But it was true. Ash Ketchum was in love with Petalburg City Norman’s daughter.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    She stared out the window of her bedroom. The same storm that covered Slateport hung over Petalburg. There was a sadness in her eyes. It matched the rich blue of a bandana tied around her head and the jacket that met her hand, closed into a fist, pressed against her heart. As she turned away, the gray clouds of the sky cast a shadow over her face, a mental image of another with gray marks and sleek black hair matched perfectly with hers. It faded as her lip shook,and tears began to run down her cheeks. There were no strong arms that she wished so hard would wrap around her and wipe them away. They began to flow harder. In perfect time a raindrop ran down the window as a final tear ran down her face onto her lip. There was no other pair that she wished so hard would slightly part and press against hers. The 17 year-old lay down on the bed. There was no Ash she wished so much she could wrap around and show that she loved him. She buried her face into a pillow and began bawling. There was no worse feeling than knowing what Ash must have thought of her now. That filthy double life Harley had emailed him a long explanation of what she’d “told” him in Johto. In his letter he said that had been competing in the Goldenrod Contest and found none other than her entered as a couple with Drew. He said he asked her about this, presumably to anger her, only to find out that she had once had feelings for Ash, but since he was so clueless and stupid as to how she felt, she abandoned him and found love and physical relations with Drew. None of it was true. Knowing Ash was only one region away she left for Petalburg. She wanted to wring Harley's neck with her bandana, but could feel nothing but sadness and disappointment since last year. She also heard Ash had entered the Sinnoh Hall of Fame. This even more made her want to run and throw her arms around him, so strong, tough, but loving. She had known it for years but only said it now: May, future leader of Petalburg Gym, was in love with Ash Ketchum.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    He walked through Oldale Town. Wind screamed and rain still felt like ice. I have to find him… she thought. Ash turned at the sound of someone running. It was May. She was clutching her heart, frantically looking back and forth. He was instantly infatuated. He stared at her long brunette hair blowing in the wind. Tears were pouring from her amazing sapphire eyes. He knew he was in love with her, but after what she did… He felt nothing but hatred and sadness.

    How could she do that? He walked away. He was now completely out of view of May. She had never seen him.

    She ran back toward the direction she came from, tripping on a rock and falling into the mud. She sobbed, face down, with her arms and legs outstretched straight as rain soaked her back.

    “Why? Why does it have to be me? Of all the girls there are you’ve chosen my fall to be taking the one man I love and taking him away from me!” Hate burned inside her. “I loved him! There is no simpler way to put it! And now he thinks I’m a filthy bitch who abandoned him for someone I’ve never loved! If I cannot find him, there’s only one place I’d rather be than here, knowing what he must think of me, damnit!

    “May…” said a voice from behind her.

    “What do you want!?” she sobbed.

    “It’s me. Come home now, we support you and it’s freezing cold out here.” Said Caroline as May got up.

    “There is no way you can support me now. I have no other emotions besides hatred and sadness until I find him.”

    Caroline looked at her with hope in her eyes.

    “Go home, Caroline.”

    Caroline gasped and teared up seeing her own daughter not even address her as her mother in this weak state. May was walking away.

    “I don’t need your help in my travels. All I hope to accomplish now is to find him.”

    “It happened to me once…” Caroline replied softly.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    May could not stop thinking about it. So many things could have happened.

    What if he didn’t get the email? What if he’s engaged with Misty or Dawn? What if he was relieved to find out I was with Drew because he knew I loved him but he didn’t feel the same way back? What if he’s not even here?

    By the time she had reached Rustboro Forest, she set up camp. There was no one else with her. For the first time in her life, May had no one. The fire crackled as she slept on the ground. She put her hands on Ash as he backed up nervously. He backed into a wall and she made the move she didn’t think she’s have the courage to do in years. With her hands crawling up his shoulders and leaning most of her weight on him, May pressed her lips to Ash’s. He put his hands on her shoulders, passionately, as he had done years before after saving her from being killed by a wild Donphan. His brown eyes stared deeply into hers, and as the feeling came over her, she did what she never thought would come, leaning her weight in on Ash, she did what would prove she loved him as his back pressed against the ground. She awoke from the dream under the shelter of a huge oak tree, rain still coming down hard on the forest. May pulled a keepsake from her backpack. It was half the Terracotta Medal she had tied for with Ash. She clutched it to her chest, crying over what might have been. Seeming to speak to Ash who wasn’t there, she said:

    “If I find you Ash, you will know the truth, and I will tell you my feelings, whether you feel the same or not.”

    She replaced the ribbon, seeming to have made that a promise. It was morning, but May returned to a resting position, crying once again.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    “Max, go home. You are 13 years old and this type of thing doesn’t concern you.” Ash said in a very calm and adult manner.
    “No! I want to know why you’re so mad at May! It was easy to tell you loved her, and now you’re hating her!” Max yelled back.

    Max’s Gardevoir closed its eyes and concentrated deeply on Ash.

    “Max, training a Gardevoir doesn’t make it possible for you to read my thoughts!” Ash replied in a umpleased tone.

    Gardevoir cringed and flinched at bad energy and thoughts in Ash’s aura.

    “No, but it did give me enough ability to tell it has something to do with your feeling, empathy… and someone else…” Max replied trying to think how to end his sentence.
    “Max, stop reading my aura! It’s creepy! Go home!” Ash waved his hands around his head.
    “Well then tell me what’s going on and what it has to do with May!” Max yelled. refusing to return home.

    Ash growled. He was losing his patience.

    “What’s going on!!??” Max yelled very childishly.
    “Why don’t you ask that dirtbag Drew!” he yelled and walked off. He looked to Gardevoir, who reluctantly nodded. Max began to walk away.

    “Gardevoir…” it asked. “Awful… poor Ash… and poor May…” “Voir…”
    “Don’t”- he said. I have to go talk to May.

    Max returned to Petalburg. He did not tell his parents what Ash had said. He knew it would only hurt May worse. He imagined how May must have felt knowing she was in love with Ash. And how Ash would have felt when he found out. Caroline told Max what May had said and tried to make it easy for him being so young to relate to how she felt and why she left.

    Max wished it were harder to understand. They began receiving phone calls from residents of Rustboro City, who saw her sleeping in the woods. They said it was depressing seeing her so miserable, and many also knew Ash and May from when they had traveled through Rustboro years before. They were worried because they knew her trainers leave for Johto had long expired.

    All Caroline and Norman could tell them was what May had said. It was all they knew.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    It was weeks later when the rain was worst and May thought she would never find him when she saw Ash in Mossdeep. She thought she was crying when she ran and threw herself into his arms. For a second Ash could only cope with how beautiful she was. She was soaked and mud stained her clothing, there were cuts on her face and she was crying, holding him as tight as she could. Then he backed away. He angrily stared at her, hating her, in love at the same time.

    “Ash, I’ve been searching for you for weeks! I have to talk with you! Please!”

    “How could you do that to me? I loved you and you left me to have sex with Drew! He yelled.

    “No!!” she screamed. Tears flowed from her watery blue eyes.

    “You’re lying!” He yelled, releasing himself from May's grasp. “You always loved Drew and now I finally accept my feelings for you, this is what you do?!”

    “No…” she gurgled in midst of uncontrollable tears and feeling so sick to her stomach she thought she would vomit.

    “It’s all a lie! You got the email! It wasn’t from me, it was from Harley! Don’t believe him! I never had sex with Andrew!”

    She was bawling but Ash paused. She turned around to see someone she never would have expected. It was Drew. Ash stormed over and confronted him, wanting to bash his jaw right there and watch blood fly from his mouth. But he would never have the heart to do that, especially in front of May.

    “Drew! What in god’s name are you doing?!” she screamed. “I got an email,” he said, “from Harley.”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    “Harley sent me an email to tell me he heard you two had ‘engagement’. He said he heard it directly from Solidad but I just saw her before I left Johto. What’s going on?” he asked in a negative manner directed at Ash.

    Ash’s anger calmed and he no longer felt a white-hot hatred for Drew or May.

    “I know what’s going on.” He said.

    Soon Drew had left for Lilycove to catch a boat back to Johto. Ash turned around and looked at May standing in the rain. Her brown hair flowed in the wind and tears flowed from her sapphire eyes. Her clothing and bandana were crusted with mud and soaking wet, there were cuts on her face and arms and her bra straps were sticking out on either end of her tattered blue top. She ran and threw her arms around him, crying over his shoulder.

    “Ash, I’ve always loved you and would never abandon my feelings for you. Drew was a childhood crush. Not a soulmate.” she tried to explain.

    “I think your search for a soulmate is over…” he whispered.

    She looked into his brown eyes, and, just like her dream, it happened. Only he mad the impossible move. Their lips pressed against each other just as the rain ceased and the sun set. They started back toward the direction of Peatlburg as the moon rose, May tripped on a rock and landed directly on top of Ash, knocking them both into a bush. Then the rest of her dream continued.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    They were welcomed back to Petalburg City with a party thrown for the return of the two missing trainers. Norman and Caroline happily accepted the news that the two were dating, something they both knew would happen eventually. They both visited Kanto hoping to stop by and see Delia. Her and Mimey happily welcomed May as part of the family, taking her to go see Ash’s baby pictures. Ash sighed, trying to convince himself his mother would always be that way. Brock, Tracey, Dawn, and Misty were all glad to see them again. All were coincidentally in Kanto, even Dawn, who got a pass to compete in Kanto contests.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    It was nearly five years after the two became engaged did May pull out her ribbon half in the moonlight. She closed her eyes and remembered a promise she made years ago, alone, in Rustboro Forest: If I find you, you will know the truth, and I will tell you my feelings, whether you feel the same or not.

    “He felt the same…” she whispered to herself.

    She set the ribbon half down and slid a platinum diamond ring off her finger, reading an inside engraving: FOREVER.
    Last edited by Dewgong Reign; 21st February 2009 at 01:53 PM.

  2. #2
    Face it, I'm cute Midnightmoon602's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

    Very nice but i will fix a few things.

    “Max, go home. You are 13 years old and this type of thing doesn’t concern you.” Ash said in a very calm and adult manner. “No! I want to know why you’re so mad at May! It was easy to tell you loved her, and now you’re hating her!” Max’s Gardevoir closed its eyes and concentrated deeply on Ash. “Max, training a Gardevoir doesn’t make it possible for you to read my thoughts!” Gardevoir cringed and flinched at bad energy and thoughts in Ash’s aura. “No, but it did give me enough ability to tell it has something to do with your feeling, empathy… and someone else…” “Max, stop reading my aura! It’s creepy! Go home!” Ash waved his hands around his head. “Well then tell me what’s going on and what it has to do with May!” Ash growled. He was losing his patience. “What’s going on!!??” Max yelled very childishly. “Why don’t you ask that dirtbag Drew!” he yelled and walked off. He looked to Gardevoir, who reluctantly nodded. Max began to walk away. “Gardevoir…” it asked. “Awful… poor Ash… and poor May…” “Voir…” “Don’t”- he said. I have to go talk to May. Max returned to Petalburg. He did not tell his parents what Ash had said. He knew it would only hurt May worse. He imagined how May must have felt knowing she was in love with Ash. And how Ash would have felt when he found out. Caroline told Max what May had said and tried to make it easy for him being so young to relate to how she felt and why she left. Max wished it were harder to understand. They began receiving phone calls from residents of Rustboro City, who saw her sleeping in the woods. They said it was depressing seeing her so miserable, and many also knew Ash and May from when they had traveled through Rustboro years before. They were worried because they knew her trainers leave for Johto had long expired. All Caroline and Norman could tell them was what May had said. It was all they knew.
    instead of that do it lilke this.

    “Max, go home. You are 13 years old and this type of thing doesn’t concern you.” Ash said in a very calm and adult manner.
    “No! I want to know why you’re so mad at May! It was easy to tell you loved her, and now you’re hating her!” Max yelled back.

    Max’s Gardevoir closed its eyes and concentrated deeply on Ash.

    “Max, training a Gardevoir doesn’t make it possible for you to read my thoughts!” Ash replied in a umpleased tone.

    Gardevoir cringed and flinched at bad energy and thoughts in Ash’s aura.

    “No, but it did give me enough ability to tell it has something to do with your feeling, empathy… and someone else…” Max replied trying to think how to end his sentence.
    “Max, stop reading my aura! It’s creepy! Go home!” Ash waved his hands around his head.
    “Well then tell me what’s going on and what it has to do with May!” Max yelled. refusing to return home.

    Ash growled. He was losing his patience.

    “What’s going on!!??” Max yelled very childishly.
    “Why don’t you ask that dirtbag Drew!” he yelled and walked off. He looked to Gardevoir, who reluctantly nodded. Max began to walk away.

    “Gardevoir…” it asked. “Awful… poor Ash… and poor May…” “Voir…”
    “Don’t”- he said. I have to go talk to May.

    Max returned to Petalburg. He did not tell his parents what Ash had said. He knew it would only hurt May worse. He imagined how May must have felt knowing she was in love with Ash. And how Ash would have felt when he found out. Caroline told Max what May had said and tried to make it easy for him being so young to relate to how she felt and why she left.

    Max wished it were harder to understand. They began receiving phone calls from residents of Rustboro City, who saw her sleeping in the woods. They said it was depressing seeing her so miserable, and many also knew Ash and May from when they had traveled through Rustboro years before. They were worried because they knew her trainers leave for Johto had long expired.

    All Caroline and Norman could tell them was what May had said. It was all they knew.
    Space it out and when they are talking put them under each other so we know who is talkng. after their talk write down who said it and how they said it. like this.

    “Ash, I’ve been searching for you for weeks! I have to talk with you! Please!" May cried as he tried to convinced Ash to talk to her.
    "How could you do that to me? I loved you and you left me to have sex with Drew!"He yelled.
    “No!!” she screamed. Tears flowed from her watery sapphire eyes.
    “You’re lying!” Ash yelled once again. “You always loved Drew and now I finally accept my feelings for you, this is what you do?!” Ash replied as he released himself from May's grip.
    “No…” she gurgled in midst of uncontrollable tears and feeling so sick to her stomach she thought she would vomit.
    “It’s all a lie! You got the email! It wasn’t from me, it was from Harley! Don’t believe him! I never had sex with Andrew!”
    I hope i wasn't too mean. Overall it was a very nice oneshot. just space things out and put more interesting things instead of he, she or it.

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  3. #3
    Strange is Relative Dewgong Reign's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

    No, it was fine. I'll change some things because I have it saved on Word. Actually though, you didn't change much besides spacing. And, I didn't want to reuse good adjectives.
    Last edited by Dewgong Reign; 20th February 2009 at 07:51 AM.

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    A black and white world Blackjack Gabbiani's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

    Spacing makes a TON of difference. There's like a pandemic of block paragraphs going around, and I've no idea how it got started, but it seemed like all of a sudden, scenes consisted of giant paragraphs.

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    Strange is Relative Dewgong Reign's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

    Mmm... Yeah, the tildé/asterisk spacing for block paragraphing was a bad idea. Okay, well... I'll fix that as soon as I get back from Syracuse. (Just please don't close my thread while I'm gone, Blackjack?)


    Adios till Monday!!!
    Last edited by Dewgong Reign; 20th February 2009 at 08:11 AM.

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    A black and white world Blackjack Gabbiani's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

    I'm not going to close it for that, but expect a lot more comments about things like that.

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    Devil Lobster Man Ranger Jack Walker's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

    Nice work.

    I had to read certain parts again to understand who was speaking because of the lack of spacing but other than that, the fic was fine.

  8. #8
    Strange is Relative Dewgong Reign's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

    There, happy? Spacing complete. You're right, it looks better. It'd look even better if it wasn't centered, but I'm bein lazy.
    Last edited by Dewgong Reign; 27th February 2009 at 09:37 PM.

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    Face it, I'm cute Midnightmoon602's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

    I'm glad that you spaced things out but have you ever heard of paragraphs? that is another thing you have to put in mind when you are writing a fanfic.

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    Strange is Relative Dewgong Reign's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

    Paragraphs are not always necassary in oneshots. I just have it that way so you can understand sequence. My oneshots usually end up all jumbled and confusing.



    Hmm... Now that I read this over again though, it seems kinda cheesy.

  11. #11
    A black and white world Blackjack Gabbiani's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

    Paragraphs are *always* necessary if you want to be understood. Unless the fic can actually be written in a single paragraph.

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    Strange is Relative Dewgong Reign's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

    *sigh*

    Okay, I'll fix the format today too.

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    Registered User pikachu200's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

    Excellent facfiction empoleonfrost!!!

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    Strange is Relative Dewgong Reign's Avatar
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    Default Re: Blinded Love (Revised version one shot)

    Hurray! Three exclamation points! Thank you! That's the only no-critisism I've had for almost a week!

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