MATURE: Battle From the Heart (Chapter 4 is Up)

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Thread: Battle From the Heart (Chapter 4 is Up)

  1. #1
    Geek of the Games CynthiaLover's Avatar
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    Default Battle From the Heart (Chapter 4 is Up)

    Okay... after much consideration (and soul searching), I decided to post my Pokemon fic up here. I'm nervous as nervous can be, but I have to try. It's the only way I can improve myself and my level of skills.

    Anyway, since this is my first time posting a story here (as well as my first Pokemon story ever), I hope I'm doing this right. I haven't done something like this in years, so, I admit, I'm unsure of myself. But I've worked long an hard on my writing skills (dating back to the 9/11 attack), and for once I think it should try to see if my abilities and style have improved over time. I just ask that you don't be harsh or blunt, as I don't take that entirely well, and thus, discourages me.

    Moving on to the main attraction, this is about a young adult beginner Trainer from Sinnoh named Geo. Once, a long time ago, he and his best friend planned to become Trainers together, as their birthdays were only two days apart, as well as both being the same age. However, just days before Geo would be eligible, he was struck down by a terrible heart condition, rendering him hospital-bound for years. His best friend, although devastated at lost of her long-time friend, started her journey and became very successful. Geo, on the other hand, fought tooth and nail against the, at the time, incurable illness. Despite many years passing, and his strength weakening, he fought on, never backing down. The doctors called him the "embodiment of willpower", as the illness would normally be a death sentence to anyone else. But he kept on fighting, despite heavy odds.

    As time went on, during his (extensive) free time, he spent most of it studying, gaining a ton of knowledge. He was also given therapy Pokemon to calm his nerves. During that time, he developed a remarkable ability: the ability to understand the hearts and souls of Pokemon, as well as gained the ability to identify a Pokemon's gender and even their Abilities just by looking at them, even if there was no differences to recognize at all.

    Finally, after a long, hard-fought battle, they discovered a cure, and Geo was the first to get it. Finally rid of the illness itself, Geo spent a few years in physical therapy, as his body had paid the price for many years bound to a hospital bed. After he was ready, and receiving the okay for it, he started his journey. Late, but nevertheless on the road. What will he encounter? What Pokemon will he catch? Will he ever be reunited with his long-lost best friend? Read and find out.

    Now please note, as this is my first Pokemon story, there are probably obvious flaws I need to address (simply put, I'm terrible at proof-reading my own work), so if there are any, please kindly mention them and I'll fix them. And be kind with feedback. While constructive criticism is fine, obviously, don't outright bash me or my work, as I don't take negative feedback very well. If there is a problem, kindly address it, but don't chew me out, as I'm rather sensitive about my work. Also, please bear with me, as the first chapters I tend to write are fairly introductory, as its designed in case of a new reader unfamiliar to the concepts and ideas, so it may seem a little odd at first. Also, one last note, I labeled this story as "Mature", even though it will generally be rated "Teen", but that's because a much later chapter will have more "dark" and "sexual" scenes, so I'm labeling that to be safe.

    Well, that's enough of that, here's chapter one. Enjoy.



    Okay, that's chapter one. Please bear with me that I tend to name my chapters as its easier to keep track of them when saving and storing them, so some of the names may be a bit cheesy or whatnot. I'm sure that won't be a big deal to many of you, but just so you understand how I function. Chapter two is finished, but I'm not gonna post it until maybe tomorrow or later, as I tend to tweak constantly. Let me know if this is any good. Later.
    Last edited by CynthiaLover; 12th February 2013 at 02:23 PM.
    Best Game Characters of all Time: Ryu 3, Nina 3, Ryu 2, Nina 2, Rei, Ratchet, Talwyn, Princess Pride, Megaman.EXE, Elecman.EXE, Bass. EXE, Tails, Geo, Sonia, Pit

    Best Anime Characters of all Time: Van, Fiona, Irvine, Cynthia, Yugi, Tea, Joey, Dark Magician Girl, Kuriboh, Yuma, Astral, Number 39: Utopia, May, Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango

    I apply Felix's Law: "Smile, tomorrow could be worse."


  2. #2
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battle From the Heart

    Very nice start!

    I enjoy Geo's character and dialog especially. He reminds me of Ash, very excitable and determined. Your grammar and general word usage is very good, so feel good about the progress you've made there over the years.

    Only suggestion I might have is to vary your sentence structure every now and then in your writing. Some parts of your fic can read like a list of actions Geo or Lora are doing without much else. Let us know how Geo feels. Paint the picture for us :)

    Overall, it was very enjoyable to read. Keep it up.

  3. #3
    Geek of the Games CynthiaLover's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battle From the Heart

    Okay, here's chapter two. I would've posted this sooner, but RL has a nasty tendency to get in the way.



    Okay, that's all for chapter two. Chapter three is written, but like I said before, I'm still tweaking and modifying it. But it'll be up soon. Later.
    Best Game Characters of all Time: Ryu 3, Nina 3, Ryu 2, Nina 2, Rei, Ratchet, Talwyn, Princess Pride, Megaman.EXE, Elecman.EXE, Bass. EXE, Tails, Geo, Sonia, Pit

    Best Anime Characters of all Time: Van, Fiona, Irvine, Cynthia, Yugi, Tea, Joey, Dark Magician Girl, Kuriboh, Yuma, Astral, Number 39: Utopia, May, Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango

    I apply Felix's Law: "Smile, tomorrow could be worse."


  4. #4
    Geek of the Games CynthiaLover's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battle From the Heart (Chapter 3 is Up)

    Okay, chapter three rollin' on in now. Probably would've posted this sooner, but a lot of panic has been going on over the blizzard we're set to get tomorrow, so I've had to prepare for it. Anywho, moving on.



    Well, that's all for now. Hopefully I'm doing a good enough job, since I'm new to writing Pokemon fanfics. Later.
    Best Game Characters of all Time: Ryu 3, Nina 3, Ryu 2, Nina 2, Rei, Ratchet, Talwyn, Princess Pride, Megaman.EXE, Elecman.EXE, Bass. EXE, Tails, Geo, Sonia, Pit

    Best Anime Characters of all Time: Van, Fiona, Irvine, Cynthia, Yugi, Tea, Joey, Dark Magician Girl, Kuriboh, Yuma, Astral, Number 39: Utopia, May, Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango

    I apply Felix's Law: "Smile, tomorrow could be worse."


  5. #5
    Geek of the Games CynthiaLover's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battle From the Heart (Chapter 4 is Up)

    Okay, here's chapter four. The gang is nearing Jubilife City, but it appears some things need to be taken care of first.



    Okay, that's chapter 4. I haven't finished chapter 5 yet, mainly thanks to another dose of writer's block, but I'll get there... eventually. Later.
    Best Game Characters of all Time: Ryu 3, Nina 3, Ryu 2, Nina 2, Rei, Ratchet, Talwyn, Princess Pride, Megaman.EXE, Elecman.EXE, Bass. EXE, Tails, Geo, Sonia, Pit

    Best Anime Characters of all Time: Van, Fiona, Irvine, Cynthia, Yugi, Tea, Joey, Dark Magician Girl, Kuriboh, Yuma, Astral, Number 39: Utopia, May, Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango

    I apply Felix's Law: "Smile, tomorrow could be worse."


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