A Battle Is A Battle (little bit of ikarishipping PG)

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    Registered User pikachu200's Avatar
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    Default A Battle Is A Battle (little bit of ikarishipping PG)

    Okay this story is a tag battle and a little ikarishipping might be seen

    Chapter 1

    "Aww come on Ash can't we take a break it's already sunset!" Dawn complained. "Look Dawn we're not going to make it to Sunyshore if we keep taking breaks like this besides I want to get the eighth gym badge before Paul does you know" Ash shouted.

    "Ash Dawn's right we should camp out for the night" Brock said. "Pika pi pikachu" Pikachu said with a yawn. "Okay buddy" Ash said and petted the mouse pokemon.



    Though over in the grassy patches a small problem was going on with a trainer. "Pika piii" her Pikachu said while running away. "Persian" a her Persian snarled. "No stop it you two stop it" the brown haired female said. "Chuuuuuuuuuu!" her Pikachu screamed and ran out to the sandy part. "Perrrrr!!!" Persian said as it chased the Pikachu.

    "Get back here!!!" the female trainer said and began chasing after them.

    "Wow Dawn we sure picked a good campsite I can see the sun setting" Ash said. "Yeah but then again we are near Sunyshore" Dawn replied with a smile. Flash a blast of electricity erupted into the sky nearby. "What was that?" Dawn asked. "I don't know but I'm going to find out come on Pikachu" Ash said. "Pika." Pikachu said as it followed.

    "Okay Meowow stop chasing Chuzu" the female trainer shouted. "Perssiann!!" the Persian hissed. "Pika" the Pikachu said with fear.

    "Okay we're going to have to do this the hard way" the girl said and threw a poke ball. Flash a Flygon came out "Flygon!!" Flygon said. "Oka Nibbles we're going to need to seperate them" the trainer said. "Flyyy" Flygon said and grabbed Persian with it's paws. "Pikachuuuuuu" Pikachu said and began shocking Flygon.

    Ash managed to see what was going on "It's okay" Allison said after returning her Persian into it's ball. "Pika" Pikachu squeaked. "I won't hurt honest" the trainer said as she held out her hand. "Pikachuuuuuuuuuuu" Pikachu screamed and did a Thunderbolt attack on her. "Owwww!!!!" the trainer shouted. Then the Pikachu ran off "Okay Chuzu really can have a good spark in him" the trainer said with a cough. "Flygon" her Flygon said and gave her a spray battle. "Thanks Nibbles" the trainer said after taking it.

    "Pi pi pi pi" the girl's Pikachu said as it ran into the trees. "Okay the hair's calm and now we need to find Chuzu" the trainer said. "Fly fly" her Flygon said and pointed at Ash. "Oh great now we have a person that just saw the scene quick blind the kid" the girl shouted. "Fly flyyy!!!" Flygon shouted and used it's wings to flap sand in Ash's face. "Ow my eyess oww stop it stop it!!!" Ash began shouting. "Chuu" Pikachu shouted and jumped off Ash's shoulder.
    Last edited by pikachu200; 28th October 2008 at 06:34 PM.

  2. #2
    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    hey your back that's good, well I gotta say that this is good a little suspense keep going.

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    A black and white world Blackjack Gabbiani's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pikachu200 View Post
    Though over in the grassy patches a small problem was going on with a trainer. "Pika piii" her Pikachu said while running away. "Persian" a her Persian snarled. "No stop it you two stop it" the brown haired female said. "Chuuuuuuuuuu!" her Pikachu screamed and ran out to the sandy part. "Perrrrr!!!" Persian said as it chased the Pikachu.
    No no no no no. And you do this all through your fic, too.

    But please, when multiple people or pokemon are talking, PLEASE start a new paragraph for each new speaker! This is far too cluttered; I can't discern what's going on!

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    Registered User pikachu200's Avatar
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    Chapter 2

    "Good going now use Screech!" the trainer said.

    "Flyyyyy!!!!!!" Flygon yelled. Ash then just lost consiusness due to being blinded and blasted by a sound based attack.

    "Great job Nibbles now we just need to find Chuzu before anyone else does" the trainer said.

    "Fly fly flygon" Flygon said.

    "Okay return" the trainer said.

    "Fly!" Flygon said happily as it went into it's poke ball.

    "Chu?" Ash's Pikachu uestioned after it came out of hiding. But too late that trainer already ran into the forest.

    "Pi pika" Pikachu said as it walked up to Ash. "Pi pi?" Pikachu asked as it poked Ash. Then the pokemon realized Ash was knocked out "Pikachuuu!!!!!" Pikachu yelled and fired a Thunderbolt attack into the sky.


    "Brock it's been an hour and Ash still hasn't come back" Dawn said as she set up her tent.

    "Ash does take a while sometimes Dawn, but take it from me he knows what he's doing" Brock replied.

    "Piplup pip" Piplup said as it pointed at the electricity. "I think that was Pikachu, I'm going to see if Ash is okay" Dawn said.

    "Okay but be back quickly" Brock shouted.

    "No need to worry Brock" Dawn said. It was always her catch phrase.



    Meanwhile deep in the forest the Pikachu called Chuzu was running with a scared expression on it's face. "Pi pi pikachu" the Pikachu screamed.

    Then the poor little mouse ran into a Beedrill "Bee?" the Beedrill questioned. Then it saw Pikachu and a rage mark appeared on it's forehead. Then a swarm of Beedrills appeared right behind.

    "Pika?" the Pikachu questioned as a sweat mark appeared on the back of it's head.

    "Beedrilll!!!" the Beedrills shouted.

    "Pikaaaa!!!!!!!!" the Pikachu yelled and ran away from the swarm. Though the Beedrills were close behind.



    Pretty soon Ash's Pikachu made it into the forest. "Pi pika pikachu pi pikachu pi" Pikachu said to itself. Then the little pokemon went inside to find the other trainer's Pikachu.



    "Pi pika" Chuzu the Pikachu said. It was cornered by the Beedrill swarm so it can't get away.

    "Beee" the Beedrills said as they came closer.

    "Pi pi pi" Chuzu said with fear.

    "Beeeeee!!!!!" the Beedrills shouted as they did Twin Needle attacks from every direction.

    "Pi!!!!!!!" Chuzu screamed as the Bug type moves hit again and again and again.

    All of a sudden it's cheeks began to charge up with electricity. "PI PIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Chuzu screamed as it fired a powerful Thunder attack that blasted in every direction.

    "Beeee!!!!!!" the Beedrills screamed. But too late the blast hit them and they all fainted. But the electric attack didn't only affect them it also blew away three to four trees and blew off several bushes. The ground looked like it been hit by a meteor as well.

    "Pi pika.." Chuzu said and ran from the area before anyone could find him.



    "Elec elec!!" an Electivire said and pointed at the flash of electricity was seen.

    "What the oh great that kid with that strong Pikachu must be nearby" a purple haired trainer muttered.

    "Mag magmortar?" his Magmotar asked.

    "Elec electivire elec elec elec" Electivire explained.

    "Mag" Magmotar said.

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    Registered User pikachu200's Avatar
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    Chapter 3

    Dawn managed to find Ash on the ground. "ASH!!!" sh screamed as she ran to him.

    "Ash are you okay?" Dawn asked. After that question Ash opened his eyes.

    "D-D-Dwn is that you" Ash asked.

    "Yes are you hurt?" Dawn asks with concern.

    "No I was just knocked out by a trainer's Flygon" Ash said with a smile. Then he got up on his feet.

    "Ash you you have something on your cap" Dawn said.

    Dawn was right a white piece of paper was taped to Ash's cap it was over the blue poke ball symbol. "Well let's just see what it said" Ash said as he removed the paper off his cap. The parchment said.....

    Dear Ash,

    I seem to have seen that trainer and believe me it was no illusion she said she was looking for her Pikachu Chuzu because he/she ran into the woods by this route. Also Ash if you have this note besides either awn or Brock would tell you you have paper on you cap. But all the same if you want to look for me I'm in the woods.

    Your loyal pal,
    Pikachu

    P.S Also we pokemon can read and write


    "Well okay Dawn you tell Brock Pikachu's gone missing and I'm searching for him" Ash said as he grabbed his green backpack.

    "Wait I want to come!!" Dawn said.

    "Dawn it might be dangerous for you" Ash replied.

    "Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't take danger!!!" Dawn shouted.

    "Just head back and let Brock know I have to find Pikachu and maybe he'll have his friend Chuzu with him" Ash said as he began walking away.

    "Hmph fine but if you get hungry I'm don't care you can eat pokemon berries!!!!" Dawn screamed as she stormed off.

    "Okay Pikachu I'm coming for you" Ash said as he ran to the forest.

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    Chapter 4

    Meanwhile that new trainer had her pokemon out. She had a Swampert,Breloom,Magcargo,Skarmory,Flygon, and her Persian. "Okay guys we need to fins our friend Chuzu" the trainer said.

    "And the only way we're going to do that is to split to different areas and search" the trainer said. Her pokemon nodded in agreement. "Here's a Pikachu Poke Doll for each of you" she said.

    "Swampert swamp swampert" her Swampert asked.

    "I've used my Battle Points that got from the Battle Frontier to buy some" the trainer said. "Okay now Nibbles and Scar I need you two to search the air and together too" the trainer said.

    "Fly?" Flygon asked.

    "Because Nibbles if you and Scar get attacked by any savage wild pokemon out there you can both help each other out during battle" the trainer said. She was mentioning about Flygon's Screech attack and Skarmory's Metal Sound attack.

    "Skar skarmory skar" Skarmory said and took off.

    "Fly flygon!" Flygon said and flew beside Skarmory.

    "Bre breloom bre?" Breloom asked.

    "Spot you got an important job you search the forest and punch every tree you see" the trainer said.

    "Bre?" Breloom asked.

    "Because the vibrations from your super powered punches will send pokemon out, you check and see if any of them look like that poke doll I gave you and if it's different you just put them back simple" the trainer said.

    "Bre breloom" Breloom said and ran off.

    "Persian persian persian?" Persian asked.

    "Meowow you and Bloby search the forest floor while looking for Chuzu" the trainer said.

    "Perrrr" Persian groaned.

    "Mag magcargo!!" Magcargo shouted.

    "Look Meowow in case you run into any bug types Bloby can burn them for you" the trainer said.

    "Persian" Persian said. Then Persian and Magcargo took off into the forest too.

    "Swam swampert swampert swamp?" Swampert asked.

    "Swampo I've figured since you and I are best friends I say we should search together" the trainer said and petted Swampert.

    "Swammm" Swampert said happily. Then the two went into the forest.



    "Dawn was right I am getting hungry" Ash said as his stomach began rumbling. "How am I going to find food in a forest?" Ash questioned.

    "Swampert" a voice said.

    "Shhhh Swampo you might scare someone" a female voice said.

    "Swampert" Swampert said sadly.

    "It's okay besides the only thing we need we need to worry about is finding Chuzu" a female voice said.

    "Wait a minute did she just say Chuzu" Ash said. Then he remembered the note Pikachu wrote. "That's it maybe if I can help her find Chuzu I can find Pikachu with Chuzu too!" Ash said after an imaginary lightbulb went off in his head.



    "So that's where Ash is, wow something like that hasn't happened since before he met you" Brock said to Dawn.

    "Yeah but my pokemon and I are going to help Ash find Pikachu and Chuzu" Dawn said.

    "Chuzu?" Brock asked.

    "Yeah Pikachu's trying to find another trainer's Pikachu and the rtainer calls it Chuzu" Dawn explained.

    "Well he or she is creative on nicknames" Brock said as he put some sandwiches in Dawn's bag.

    "What are you putting in there?" Dawn asked.

    "Some sandwiches in case you get hungry and make sure you share some with Ash when you meet him" Brock said and gave her the bag

    "Don't worry I will" Dawn said and took off into the forest.

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    Registered User pikachu200's Avatar
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    Chapter 5

    "Pika pi?" Ash's Pikachu said as it looked at the damage caused by Chuzu. "Pika" Pikachu said again. Then it ran off deeper in the forest.

    "Hey Swampo can you sense anu movements?" the trainer asked her Swampert.

    "Swaammmm" Swampert said as it tried to pick up any movement of the ground. "Swamp!!" Swampert shouted.

    "Is it a pokemon running?" the trainer asks.

    "Swam swampert" Swampert said.

    "Oh well we better get out of his or her way" the trainer said. Then the trainer and her Swampert stepped out of Ash's way.

    "Swam" Swampert said.

    "Hey I wasn't going t crash into you" Ash said as he walked up to the two.

    "You've seen a Pikachu around here?" the trainer asks.

    "No but I'm looking for one" Ash said.

    "You're not going to steal Chuzu are you!!!!" the trainer shouted.

    "No no I'm looking for my Pikachu I think he's looking for your Pikachu" Ash said.

    "Okay that's different then" the trainer said.

    "Swam swampert swampert swamp swamp swamp!!!!!!" Swampert said with anger.

    "It's okay Swampo besides I'm sure our other friends are doing well" the trainer said as she petted Swampert.

    "Swampp" Swampert said happily.

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    Registered User pikachu200's Avatar
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    Chapter 6


    "Your other friends?" Ash asked with cluelessness.

    "Well pokemon friends if you want to be specific but along with me and Swampo here they are looking for my Pikachu Chuzu too" the trainer said.

    "Who exactly are you?" Ash asked.

    "Ally and I was the winner of the last Hoenn league competition" Ally said with a smile.

    "Wow that must have took skill but aren't you going to challenge the Elite 4 too?" Ash asked.

    "Yeah I did and I managed to win against Sidney,Phoebe,Glacia, and Drake and I was also strong enough to beat Wallace" Ally exclaimed.

    "But he's the Pokemon League Champion of Hoenn!!!" Ash said.

    "Yes he did rise to the top again but it doesn't matter anyways because I'm challenging the Sinnoh League this time and I'm also helping Professor Birch with the National Pokedex" Ally said.

    "Swamp swampert!!!" Swampert shouted. It heard an electric attack being fired in another part of the forest.

    "Okay Swampo let's see if it's Chuzu" Ally said as Swampert began to run. Then Ally began running behind.

    "Hey wait up!!!!" Ash said as he ran too.



    Dawn on the other hand already found the area where Ally's Chuzu fired it's electricity at the Beedrills. "It looks like a bomb or dynamite exploded" Dawn said as she began walking through and tried to not step on the fainted Beedrills.

    "Eleee!!!" a pokemon shouted.

    "Yikes" Dawn said and shielded herself with her arms.

    "Electivire that was only a trainer" Paul said.

    "Electi" Electivire said angrily.

    "Actually I'm a coordinator" Dawn said.

    "Yeah the one that travels with the little kid with a Pikachu that can know Volt Tackle?" Paul said rudely.

    "You could have at least said y name" Dawn said with anger.

    "So what are you searching for your boyfriend because you two got lost because of an explosion caused by those three idiots called Team Rocket?" Paul said again.

    "No Ash is not my boyfriend and also most of Team Rocket's explosions were in the air" Dawn said with a little more rage.

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    Chapter 7


    "Swamp swamp" Swampert said as they came across the electric blasts.

    "Luxxxxxxxx!!!!!!!!" a wild Luxio screamed as it did it's Thunder attack.

    "Luxray lux!" big brother Luxray shouted.

    "Lux?" Luxio questioned. Then it saw the Swampert and the two trainers.

    "Woah a Luxio and a Luxray" Ash said.

    "I'll take care of this situation" Ally said and crawled over to the two of them.

    "Luxxxx!!!!" Luxray said as electricity was coming out of it's fur.

    "It's okay friend I need to ask a question" Ally said.

    "Lux luxio lux lux!!" Luxio said to it's big brother.

    "Have you seen any Pikachu around here?" Ally asked and held out her Pikachu Poke Doll.

    "Lux luxray luxray lux" Luxray exclaimed.

    "Really you seen a Pikachu being attacked by a swarm of Beedrills" Ally asked.

    "She can speak pokemon?" Ash asked Swampert.

    "Swampert!!" Swampert shouted.

    "Okay okay sheesh but your going to scare them off" Ash said to Swampert.

    "Luxray luxray lux lux luxray luxray lux lux lux" Luxray exclaimed.

    "Well that sounds like Chuzu can you take us to the area?" Ally asked.

    "Luxray lux luxray luxray luxray lux luxray luxray" Luxray exclaimed again.

    "Oh okay we'll find it on our own then" Ally said and petted Luxray.

    "Lux lux" Luxray said happily. Then the two electric pokemon walked away.

    "What the heck?" Ash said.

    "Yeah little brother Luxio and big brother Luxray saw one our Pikachu being attacked by a swarm of Beedrills and they cornered him, but luckily Pikachu or Chuzu did a powerful Thunder attack to knock every Beedrill out. Plus the effect made it looked like an explosion happened!" Ally said.

    "You really know how pokemon can talk do you" Ash said with sarcasm.

    "Hey I wouldn't be talking if I were you" Ally said.

    "Swamp swampert" Swampert said in agreement.

    "Come on let's go" Ally said and ran off. Swampert followed her.

    "And she's on the move again, wait for me speedy gonzales!!" Ash said as he followed.



    "I think I hear something" Dawn said. Paul quickly put a hand over her mouth "Keep your mouth shut troublesome so we can see what's happening" Paul whispered into her ear.

    Pretty soon a Persian and a Magcargo came out "Magcargo mag mag" Magcargo said to the Persian. The Persian began hissing at Paul and Dawn.

    "Okay troublesome you may need to get out of the way and don't scream" Paul said as he let go of her.

    "No problem" Dawn said as she backed off.

    "Eleccctttt!!!!" Electivire growled as electricity came out of it's hands.

    "Persian" Persian said as it turned away. Then Persian began poking the Beedrill's body to see if they were alive.

    "Bee.." the one said softly.

    "What is it doing?" Dawn asked.

    "It must be investigating" Paul said as the Persian scratched the Beedrill. Then blood began oozing out of it's body.

    "Mag magcargo!!" Magcargo shouted.

    "Persian persian" Persian said with calmness. Then the cat pokemon put a little blood on it's paw and began licking it.

    "Must be a carnivore" Paul said.

    "A what?" Dawn asked.

    "A pokemon that eats meat" Paul replied. Then the Persian began flinching a little bit due to the poisen flowing in Beedrill's veins but other than that it was fine.

    Then the cat pokemon walked to the two small pokemon footprints and began smelling them. "Mag magcar magcar?" Magcargo asked.

    "Persian persian per per!!!" Persian said as it ran off. "Magcar" Magcargo said as it followed.

    "I think they were hunting for something" Dawn said.

    "No a Persian in the wild wouldn't be with a Magcargo since they're the speedy kind of pokemon" Paul said as he walked over to the footprints. Then he scanned them with his pokedex.

    "The footprints belong to the electric mouse pokemon Pikachu" the pokdex said. Then a Pikachu picture flashed on the screen.

    "Does your friend have a Persian and a Magcargo?" Paul asked.

    "No Ash has a Pikachu which I am searching for a Torterra, an Infernape, a Floatzel, a Gliscor, and a Staraptor but Pikachu did write Ash a note though it said he was searching for a Pikachu named Chuzu" Dawn exclaimed.

    "So that must be it you got seperated from him and that loser being the friendly little he is your friend must have met that trainer who owns that Pikachu by now and we just saw his or her pokemon before" Paul said.

    "I didn't get seperated from him!!" Dawn reminded.

    "Yeah" Paul said with a sarcastic tone.

    "Well I'll just be leaving them" Dawn said as she began walking away.

    "No I don't want to lose you again to that little kid" Paul said to her.

    "What?" Dawn asked.

    "I mean maybe we should search together to find that Pikachu" Paul said again.

    "Oh okay" Dawn said with a smile. *That was close* Paul thought as he began remembering.

    Flashback:

    "Eleee!!!!" Elekid shouted as it did a Thunder attack on the flock of wild Starlys. Paul then began throwing poke balls at them. Only three of them got captured.

    "That should do me good I'll find out their attacks later" Paul said as he picked them up.

    "Elekid!" Elekid said with a happy tone.

    "What are you so happy for1" Paul said rudely as he turned around. Then he saw a blue haired girl with a Piplup, and Pikachu by her side. The girl was petting his Elekid for doing a good job.

    "That was a good job you just did" the girl said after petting Elekid. The girl had beautiful blue eyes like sapphires almost. Paul smiled slightly but then got back to his senses.

    "What what do you want" Paul snapped.

    "My name's Dawn" Dawn said.

    "Pleased to meet you the name's Paul" Paul said in a nicer tone. He noticed the girl's cheeks turned pink.

    "Have you seen another kid around here who's looking for a Pikachu I'm trying to return it to him" Dawn said.

    "Pika pi" Pikachu said with a wave.

    "No I haven't but I'll let you know" Paul said.

    "Elekid!" Elekid said to the Pikachu and held out it's hand.

    "Pika pi" Pikachu said and shook it.

    "Piplup pip pip!!!" the Piplup said to Dawn.

    "Okay I'll see you later then Paul" Dawn said with a wave.

    "Yeah I'll look forward to it" Paul said with a smirk.

    "Pi pika" Pikachu said to Elekid.

    "Elekid" Elekid replied. Then the girl, Piplup, and Pikachu ran off. *I should have asked her to travel with me* Paul thought with anger.

    "Elekid ele?" Elekid asked.

    "What no way I don't like her!!" Paul snapped. Truth to be told Paul actually did like Dawn but after he saw her with Ash at the lab he became jealous because he wanted to see Dawn before Ash did.

    End of Flashback

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    Chapter 8

    "Electivire electi?" Electivire asked Paul.

    "Shut up about that" Paul said with anger. Then he called Electivire back into it's ball.

    "About what?" Dawn asks.

    "It's none of your business come on troublesome it might be getting near dusk" Paul said as he began walking away in a fast pace.

    "Hey wait up!" Dawn said as she began following.



    "Pika!!!!!!" Pikachu called as it was in the forest.

    "Hey check it out Pikachu is solo" a red violet haired female said.

    "Yes I see it too" a blue haired male said.

    "Yes my eyes see the Pikachu too" a Meowth said. The three Team Rocket low class admins were in their Meowth balloon. "I know let's capture it!!" Meowth said as it pushed a red button. Flash an electric proof net came out and grabbed Pikachu.

    "Pika!!!!!!!!!!" Pikachu screamed as it was covered. The scream could be heard in the whole forest.




    "Wait I know that scream that was Pikachu!" Ash shouted to Ally.

    "No problem" Ally said as she called Swampert back into it's ball. Then she whistled. In a second her Flygon and Skarmory appeared in front of her. "Come on then" Ally said as she climbed on to Flygon's back.

    "Okay" Ash said as he climbed on to Skarmory's back.

    "Okay Nibbles, Scarlette listen take us to the Pikachu in need of help" Ally commanded.

    "Fly!!!!" Flygon said as it flew off.

    "Skar!!!!!!" Skarmory said as it flew alongside it.

    "Okay Ash where was the cry coming from?" Ally asked.

    "That way let's go Skarmory" Ash said to the Skarmory.

    "Skar!" Skarmory said it flew ahead of Flygon. Flygon then followed, until finally they found the balloon.

  11. #11
    Bloody Melt
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    Quote Originally Posted by pikachu200 View Post
    Chapter 7
    Flashback:

    "Eleee!!!!" Elekid shouted as it did a Thunder attack on the flock of wild Starlys. Paul then began throwing poke balls at them. Only three of them got captured.

    "That should do me good I'll find out their attacks later" Paul said as he picked them up.

    "Elekid!" Elekid said with a happy tone.

    "What are you so happy for1" Paul said rudely as he turned around. Then he saw a blue haired girl with a Piplup, and Pikachu by her side. The girl was petting his Elekid for doing a good job.

    "That was a good job you just did" the girl said after petting Elekid. The girl had beautiful blue eyes like sapphires almost. Paul smiled slightly but then got back to his senses.

    "What what do you want" Paul snapped.

    "My name's Dawn" Dawn said.

    "Pleased to meet you the name's Paul" Paul said in a nicer tone. He noticed the girl's cheeks turned pink.

    "Have you seen another kid around here who's looking for a Pikachu I'm trying to return it to him" Dawn said.

    "Pika pi" Pikachu said with a wave.

    "No I haven't but I'll let you know" Paul said.

    "Elekid!" Elekid said to the Pikachu and held out it's hand.

    "Pika pi" Pikachu said and shook it.

    "Piplup pip pip!!!" the Piplup said to Dawn.

    "Okay I'll see you later then Paul" Dawn said with a wave.

    "Yeah I'll look forward to it" Paul said with a smirk.

    "Pi pika" Pikachu said to Elekid.

    "Elekid" Elekid replied. Then the girl, Piplup, and Pikachu ran off. *I should have asked her to travel with me* Paul thought with anger.

    "Elekid ele?" Elekid asked.

    "What no way I don't like her!!" Paul snapped. Truth to be told Paul actually did like Dawn but after he saw her with Ash at the lab he became jealous because he wanted to see Dawn before Ash did.

    End of Flashback
    Okay, okay. FLASHBACK and END FLASHBACK tags are one of the most criticized in the fanfiction world. I suggest you start off something like...

    "Oh no..." Paul gasped. "Not again..." He closed his eyes as memories began to flood back into his mind...

    And put everything from the start of the flashback to the end of the flashback in past perfect (like had been or had said yadayadayada)

    Also, you need more description. :D
    If ya need me, I'm probably playing some Mann vs Machine: http://steamcommunity.com/id/optimatum

  12. #12
    A black and white world Blackjack Gabbiani's Avatar
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    And there's far too much poké-speak in this fic. It's VERY hard to read a passage full of pika pika pikachu over and over again without having any indication what it means.

  13. #13
    Registered User pikachu200's Avatar
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    Okay I'll put in pokesubtitles

    Chapter 9

    "Oh great another Team Galactic stealing" Ally said.

    "Fly" Flygon said (I know)

    "Pikachu" Ash called.

    "Pi pi pi" Pikachu said (Help me Ash)

    "No way a twerp like you is going to ruin our plans again" James said.

    "Yeah we worked hard on our part why you have to ruin it" Meowth said.

    "Because you Team Galactic members are always stealing strong pokemon I thought I got rid of you villans at Mount Coronet" Ally said.

    "What Galactic no no they're a different team" Ash said.

    "Listen Is that a voice of a new twerp I hear?" Jessie began.
    "It's speaks to me loud and clear" James said.
    "On the wind" Jessie said.
    "Past the stars" James said.
    "In your ears" Meowth said.
    "Bringing chaos at a breaknecking pace" Jessie said.
    "Dashing all of your hope and putting fear in your place" James said.
    "Jessie" Jessie shouted.
    "James" James shouted.
    "Meowth that's my name" Meowth shouted.
    "We are Team Rocket and we're in your face!!!!!" the three all say.
    "Wobbuffet" Wobbuffet said.
    "Mime mime mime" Mime Jr said.


    "So your Team Rocket?" Ally asked.

    "Yeah you have a problem with our beloved team name?" Meowth asked.

    "No I've heard of Team Aqua and Team Magma and also Team Galactic but not Rocket" Ally said.

    "Yeah well what region are you from twerp" Jessie asked.

    "If you can tell by my pokemon pals I'm from the Hoenn region and now your going to get badly beaten" Ally said.

    "Flygon" Flygon said. (Yeah!!)

    "You sure you know what your doing because after all we're riding these guys" Ash said.

    "Just hang on tight and let me do the commanding okay Scarlette use Steal Wing to slice that net!!" Ally commanded.

    "Skarrrr!!!!!" Skarmory screamed as it did the attack.

    "Aaaahhhhhh!!!!!" Ash screamed as he held on tight.

    "Fly flyygon fly flygon fly?" Flygon asked. (He's having fun isn't he?)

    "Yes I think so" Ally said. Then the net holding Pikachu got cut and began falling.

    "Get that Pikachu" Ally said.

    "Skar!!!" Skarmory said as it flew under Pikachu's fall.

    "I got you" Ash said as he caught Pikachu.

    "Pika" Pikachu said happily. (I'm free!!)

    "Oh no we're losing our gold" James said.

    "Now Yanmega let's go!!!" Jessie said and threw her poke ball.

    "Yan!!" Yanmega said.

    "Carnavine you too!!" James said and threw his.

    "Carnavine!" Carnavine said and bit James on the head.

    "Let me go I'm not a fruit!!" James shouted.

    "Okay Nibbles we're going to use everything we learned from facing off against Noland" Ally said. "NOW NIBBLES USE DRAGONBREATH!!!!!!" Ally shouted.

    "Fly!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Flygon shouted as it fired purple flames at Carnavine.

    "Carnaa!!!!" Carnavine screamed. Then it fainted.

    "Okay return" James said as the grass pokemon went into it's ball.

    "Yanmega use your Screech attack on Skarmory" Jessie shouted.

    "Yan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yanmega screamed as sonic waves went at Skarmory.

    "Scarlette fight back with Air Cutter" Ally commanded.

    "Skar!!!" Skarmory said and charged at Yanmega with force. Then the moving air hit Yanmega.

    "Yanmega" Yanmega said as it fainted. "Return" Jessie said with anger.

    "Now Pikachu use Thunderbolt let's go!!!" Ash shouted.

    "Pi pikachu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Pikachu shouted as it fired electricity at Team Rocket. Then the Meowth balloon went kaboom.

    "As usual" Jessie said.

    "I know" James said.

    "Yeah but we saw a new kid that's good to know" Meowth said. "We're blasting off again!!!!!" they all yell and then they fall into the sky with a ding.

    "That was easy" Ally said.

    "Yeah I'll say" Ash said.

  14. #14
    Registered User pikachu200's Avatar
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    Chapter 10

    "Yeah but thats not my Pikachu I think it's yours" Ally said after she got Pikachu out of the net.

    "Pika" Pikachu said as it jumped on Ash's shoulder. (Well at least that's over)

    "Yeah but we'll find your soon" Ash said.

    "Yeah hopefully" Ally said. Then her pokemon flew to the ground. *Don't worry Chuzu I'm going to find you* Ally thought as she and Ash dismounted from the flying pokemon. "Uh oh it's starting to get dark" Ally said as she noticed the sun going down.



    "Pi pikachu" Chuzu said happily. (Alright I managed to find some food!!) He found Oran Berry trees. "Pi pi pika" Chuzu said as it began climbing the tree trunk. (Now to climb)



    "Paul do you want me to get some firewood?" Dawn asked him.

    "Yeah sure" Paul said to her sa he threw his poke ball.

    "Gliscor!" Glisocr shouted as it came out.

    "You go with the girl and help her get some firewood" Paul said.

    "Gliscor!" Gliscor said. (Yes sir!)

    "Okay come on then" Dawn said. Then she and Gliscor ran off.

    "I don't even know why I have feelings for her" Paul muttered to himself.

    "Torterra" Torterra said to him. (Yes you do)

    "Who asked you!" Paul snapped.



    "Pika pi pi" Chuzu said as it pulled the berries off the branch and dropped them to the ground. (Okay I'm done) Then the little mouse ran down to the ground. Then it began eating the berries.



    "Okay this looks like a good area to cu some wood" Dawn said to the pokemon.

    "Empo po" Empoleon said happily. (Yes we can do this!)

    "Gli gliscor" Gliscor said. (I know that)

    "Hey do you guys hear somthing" Dawn asks. She heard munching.


    Pretty soon Chuzu was done with the berries. "Pika pi" Chuzu said. (That was delicious) Then the little pokemon began running when it crashed into an Empoleon.

    "Leon?" Empoleon asked.

    "Pika!" Pikachu shouted.

    "No no don't panic we won't hurt you" Dawn began to say but it was too late.

    "Pikachu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Chuzu screamed as it fired an electric attack at Dawn and her Empoleon. Then they both fainted and Dawn didn't have frizzy hair this time.

    "Glis" Gliscor said. Then it flew back to the campsite after chopping a few tree branches for firewood.

  15. #15
    The Dimension Wizard Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    It's good and sometimes funny too, and don't worry about the credits they're just trying to help you, mainly cause this could get ot be a good fic.

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