Battle of Aura (version 2.0)

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  1. #1
    May Still Have Hope TeamGalacticMercury's Avatar
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    Default Battle of Aura (version 2.0)

    Okay, this will be my second attempt at Battle of Aura. For those who did not know, this was my first fan fiction. I failed horribly. Well, I got to writing chapter 6 of the old BOA and found that I needed a lot of description. A LOT! XD Now, I would like to hear your opinions on it! So here it goes!!!

    Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon

    Table of Contents:
    Chapter 1- No end to new friends!



    No End to New Friends!


    "11 years ago, a boy and a girl were born. They were destined to be heroes."

    The sky was clear as crystal. The wind quietly blew through the thick forest to a large, grassy plain. On the very edge of this plain was a cream-colored building, two stories high. It mildly resembled a mansion in area, but it was far from a mansion. It had a medieval air to it, maybe due to the fact that it was built around that time. On the second level, it had a balcony that wrapped around the whole exterior. The doors are a now extinct wood called Bluewood, which had a sapphire tint to it. It had enormous windows whose molding was brighter white than a brand-new light bulb. The current season, summer, ended tomorrow. The air was no longer stuffy and hot, but dry and cool.

    The area surrounding Aura Hall was very well-kept. It had a spacious courtyard with a narrow creek running through it. The creek's origin is the Bay of Aura, a treacherous, white-water bay with whirlpools making it impossible to get to the hall. The brook ran into the near-by garden, which was decorated with flourishing flowers from all of the regions. It was more of a shade garden than anything. Pokemon live in the garden still today, untouched by time. They say a strong fighting spirit and the right aura around will do that to a place. One example it the Tree of Beginning, but that story is for another time.

    Nothing special really ever happened in the back of Aura Hall. There was a standard pokemon battle field; a rectangular box with to smaller boxes at the end going longways. A line was drawn on the field with a giant pokeball symbol in the middle. The field was surrounded by the dense forest because the wall that kept the trees in were only in the front and sides of the perimeter, not the back. This is where out story begins....

    "Hey! No Fair! You're stronger than me," exclaimed a pre-teen female with long, flame-colored, spiky hair as a 39 year-old man held her to the ground. She wore a black tight tee shirt, baggy blue jeans, and a pair of white leather shoes with brown on the sides. She was around five feet tall and weighed about 100 pounds. She was pale skinned, but had freckles that stretched across her face and over the bridge of her nose. She had amber eyes and ruby ear rings.

    "And? You're quicker than me. And besides, you can squirm out of my grasp," replied the older man. He had grey hair and brilliant blue eyes that would pierce yours if you ever looked at them. He was 150 pounds and five foot nine inches. He wore khaki jeans and a russet-colored shirt along with pure white sneakers. He had faint wrinkles on the corners of his eyes and mouth.

    Beyond the struggling duo was a young man, meditating quietly in the emerald-green grass. The 26 year-old had scraggy navy-blue hair. He wore a long navy-blue vest that changed into a loose point at the end. His shirt and pants were khaki in color, and he wore mud-crusted boots that went half-way up his shins. His face was pale and bony and he had soft blue-grey eyes. He sighed heavily. Can't those two EVER keep from fighting? Aaron picked himself up and sat down on a wooden bleacher. It was on of only two that were on the center line of the field. "Hey Fire, why don't you force him off of you? I think you are that powerful AT LEAST!"

    "He said this was only a test to see which of us is stronger! Geez, Some would have though that you would listen." Fire shot a quick glare at Aaron, the man watching, before pummeling the man on top of her with her feet. Aurox grunted as he was hit in the stomach, and rolled of of Fire, who ran like a swarm of Beedril were following her.

    "Hey! Some would've thought that SOMEONE had taught you to respect your elders!" Fire swiveled her head backward to stick out her tongue at Aaron.

    "Oh yeah, you ARE elder!" At this, Aaron shot of the bench towards the fleeing 11 year-old.

    All Aurox could do is watch as the two individuals ran around like maniacs, whooping and hollering at each other. He sighed heavily. "This is going to be a long day...
    ___________________

    Meanwhile, deep in Sorrow Forest, Ash, Dawn, and Brock were wandering around relentlessly. It was very dark, as if you were in a cave. This was caused by the trees blocking out most of the sunlight. Our heroes are stuck in the Arceus-forsaken forest because an Aipom that had stolen Ash's hat. They were on Aura Island because of a triathlon that had 100 one ounce bags of Sacred Ash, an ash that revives a whole team of pokemon to full health. As an added bonus, it was pretty.

    "Ash, I'm starving! I could eat a Rapidash," whined Dawn, a navy-blue haired ten-year-old. Two golden hair rings held her hair back from her pale face. She has brilliant-blue eyes that sparkle like the ocean in the sunlight. She wears a red scarf, a black and white mini dress. She wears black socks, pink boots, and a red and white watch called a poketech.

    "Don't look at me! I don't cook the meals! Look to Brock for that," exclaimed Ash.

    He was a raven-haired 11 year old. His hair was extremely unkempt; even with his red baseball-style cap on. He had bold black eyebrows that matched his black eyes. Under his eyes were Z-shaped marks, also black. He wore a black and yellow vest with a white tee under it, baggy denim jeans, and red and black sneakers. On his hands were black fingerless gloves.

    "Calm down! Now until we get Ash's hat back, we're not eating anything," interrupted Brock. He had brown brown hair, tanned skin, and brown pants. He wore a brown jacket that was orange inside that covered a green shirt. His sneakers were plum and white in coloration. His eyes, instead of the usual wide eyes with large pupils, were slants.

    "WHAT! Aww man," complained Ash. He felt that he would NEVER eat again. In fact, he felt that he was just a thin wisp of water vapor. He would blow away in a pleasant cool breeze. Yes, he was THAT hungry.

    "Pika-pi! Piiikaaaaaa-chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!"

    "Pommmmmmmm.... Aipom......"

    "Pikachu, you didn't have to fry it!" Ash ran over the the charred Aipom and retrieved he now cooked hat. "Aw man... why the hat?"

    "Pi-ka..." The yellow rodent looked down at the ground apologetically.

    "Ai. Ai-pom. Pom pom ai," Aipom said, as if to say that it was alright. Pikachu looked at the purple monkey gratefully, and then hopped up on Ash's shoulder.

    "So Brock, now that the great three mile long hunt for the hat of wisdom has concluded, can we eat?" Dawn held her stomach as if she was in pain to put on a show for Brock.

    "Fine. BUT we need to find a clearing in this Arceus-forsaken forest first." Ash and Dawn moaned.

    "Hey, I think I see one up ahead! C'mon both of you lazy bums, I want to eat!!!" exclaimed Dawn, spotting a small clearing where a few rays of sunlight bathed the chocolate colored soil.

    ________________________________________

    Meanwhile, over at the battle field at Aura Hall, Aurox watched Fire practiced combat moves with a certain student of Aaron's. You may know it as Lucario. Fire moved gracefully out of the way of multiple aura spheres launched at her head, and managed to block a few hit by Lucario's close combat. Suddenly, everyone heard an outburst to their south.

    "What the.....?"

    "..... Oh my Arceus....."

    "Someone might wanna run. Spearow are notorious for having very hot tempers," Fire added as the two men stared in shock and horror. "Want to go see what's up?"

    "That would be wise. Apparently someone is trespassing. I think they should know." Aurox strolled towards the forest, making sure that he took his time. After a shrug of the shoulders from Aaron and a heavy sigh from Fire, the three humans went to investigate the happenings of the forest. Only Lucario and another pokemon were left, but he didn't mind. He liked to be alone. It soothed him.

    "Ugg.... sometimes I just do not understand humans. They are very like us in caring for one another and yet very different. They are curious creatures, aren't they Lucia?" Lucario looked down at his apprentice. She was a abnormally small riolu, with big blue eyes.

    "Y-yes master." She had an alto toned voice that always seemed to shake. Lucia was extremely timid, even around Lucario. "D-do you think the S-spearow will c-come over here?"

    "No. Hold on, what is this? I know that aura. Maybe.... no, it can't be him. Why would he be here?"

    "Umm... master? W-what do you m-mean?"

    "I thought I felt an old friend's aura. Can you feel it? It is like Aaron's aura, but stronger and wild."

    "Yes m-master, I feel it."

    "Well, this might have gotten somewhat fun."
    _____________________________________________

    "ASH! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL PIKACHU NOT TO USE THUNDERBOLT?! ACK! GET OF!!!" Ash, Dawn, and Brock were running from a 100 strong flock of Spearow and Fearow. They ran blindly through the forest, attempting to lose the fearsome birds of prey.

    "Get off of me! Get off-"

    "Ouch!"

    "Hey!!!"

    "You're squishing me!"

    "Air! Need air!"

    "Mwumphumphuliqu.!" After a great deal of screaming and yelping and pulling and coughing, the dust cleared from the pile of people and pokemon. It was an exotic scene. Aurox was at the bottom of the pile of pain with a mouthful of dirt, Aaron was holding onto Ash's leg from under Dawn, who was on the top. Ash was caught by Aaron and Aurox accidental and Fire and Brock had somehow ended up ten feet away on either side of the pile, unscathed. After five minutes of untangling their selves and another ten spent by Fire and Aaron helping Aurox with his mouthful of land. Boy, it was a sight.

    "Why were you blindly running around like maniacs!? Seriously, watch where you are going!" scolded Fire.

    "We were being chased by a flock of Spearow and Fearow!" snapped Ash, annoyed by her authoritative tone. "Aren't you a little young to scold me? I'm 11, not nine."

    "For your information you blundering idiot, I'm also 11. So you're the people who go against the law and trespass on private property. If I were you, I'd get the he-" before Fire could finish the would-be very ugly sentence, Aaron slapped his hand over her mouth.

    "Testy. Yeesh."

    "Yeah, she can be that way. So, who are you people?" Aurox examined the trio that had made Fire explode and him get a mouthful of earth.

    "I'm Brock, and this is Ash and Dawn."

    "Ash.... I know that name... Well, I'm Aaron Rota. This is My friend Aurox Onrememberance and Fire. So, what brings you to Sorrow Forest?

    "Well, an Aipom ran off with my hat and we went after it. Just a few minutes ago my Pikachu zapped Aipom so that I could grab my hat. Then the Spearow came and then we landed right here."

    "I see. Well, the sun will be setting soon, and you are so far into the forest that it will be dawn when you get out of here. You can come with us for the night." Aurox looked around at the small group, looking for an answer.

    "Thank you! We'd love to stay!" exclaimed Dawn before Ash could refuse.

    "Well then, it's settled! If we keep a brisk pace, we might just be able to make it to Au-the Hall. Everyone with me! Good! Let's go! Aaron, you take everyone else to the Hall. I'm going to have a word with Fire."

    "Okay. C'mon everyone, let's go." Aaron, Ash, Dawn, and Brock set off through the trees northwards. After they were out of earshot, Fire began talking.

    "You think he's the one?"

    "Yep. No doubt about it."

    "Good. About time too."

    "And now, it begins...."
    ________________________________________________________________

    NEXT CHAPTER: Mysteries unravel!
    As our Heroes arrive at Aura Hall, they see a beautiful landscape and a building to match. They learn about their hosts and why they are important!
    ____________________________________________________________

    Well, that's it for tonight. Hope you like it!
    Last edited by TeamGalacticMercury; 22nd October 2010 at 07:00 PM.

  2. #2
    Reader and Writer Legacy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battle of Aura (version 2.0)

    Great to see this fic back in action! I love it! I would make one suggestion though regarding the paragraph spacing. Perhaps you should separate your quotes with the meat of your text.

    Here you have a quote: "Quote," he said.

    Quote Originally Posted by TeamGalacticMercury View Post
    "Don't look at me! I don't cook the meals! Look to Brock for that," exclaimed Ash. He was a raven-haired 11 year old. His hair is extremely unkempt; even with his red baseball-style cap on. He has bold black eyebrows that match his black eyes. Under his eyes were Z-shaped marks, also black. He wears a black and yellow vest with a white tee under it, baggy denim jeans, and red and black sneakers. On his hands were black fingerless gloves.
    It should be like this (IMO):

    Quote Originally Posted by TeamGalacticMercury View Post
    "Don't look at me! I don't cook the meals! Look to Brock for that," exclaimed Ash.

    He was a raven-haired 11 year old. His hair is extremely unkempt; even with his red baseball-style cap on. He has bold black eyebrows that match his black eyes. Under his eyes were Z-shaped marks, also black. He wears a black and yellow vest with a white tee under it, baggy denim jeans, and red and black sneakers. On his hands were black fingerless gloves.

    Overall, this story is one of my favorites. Again, can't be happier to see it back!

  3. #3
    Brock's Pikachu LightningTopaz's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Battle of Aura (version 2.0)

    Aside from a few grammer errors (Theirselves isn't proper grammer), looking good!

    Let me know if you need Pokemonized folk and fairy tales.
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    May Still Have Hope TeamGalacticMercury's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battle of Aura (version 2.0)

    Okay! Thanks both of you! As soon as I can get word, i'll fix the grammar.

  5. #5
    Back on Track BlueRose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battle of Aura (version 2.0)

    This is SOOOOO muck better than the last one. You still seem to have a problem with grammar. I noticed you kept switching from past tense to present tense, sometimes in the same sentence.

    Quote Originally Posted by TeamGalacticMercury View Post
    He was a raven-haired 11 year old. His hair is extremely unkempt; even with his red baseball-style cap on. He has bold black eyebrows that match his black eyes. Under his eyes were Z-shaped marks, also black. He wears a black and yellow vest with a white tee under it, baggy denim jeans, and red and black sneakers. On his hands were black fingerless gloves.
    It should be...

    Quote Originally Posted by TeamGalacticMercury View Post
    He was a raven-haired 11 year old. His hair was extremely unkempt; even with his red baseball-style cap on. He had bold black eyebrows that matched his black eyes. Under his eyes were Z-shaped marks, also black. He wore a black and yellow vest with a white tee under it, baggy denim jeans, and red and black sneakers. On his hands were black fingerless gloves.
    ...but that's assuming that your story is past tense.
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    so i herd u liek treakos? Kimori-Hinoarashi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battle of Aura (version 2.0)

    This is awesome! Your fic has improved tenfold! I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
    Read my Fanfic! Chapter 30 posted! A Legendary Journey is now on indefinite hiatus, but I am starting a new fic in Unova called eNsnared.

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    !Tommy's love! eevee91's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battle of Aura (version 2.0)

    You're doing a lot better with description.
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    Now with capital letter Pseudonym's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battle of Aura (version 2.0)

    Awesome! It has really improved a lot! I just noticed a few tenses mistakes. Aside from that, it was impressive! I'm looking forward the next chapter!
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    Registered User Blaah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battle of Aura (version 2.0)

    Nice! I knew you would improve! A few typos, but otherwise, well done! :D

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    May Still Have Hope TeamGalacticMercury's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battle of Aura (version 2.0)

    Thanks!!! Okay, I have seen that all the mistakes that I had were in the part I typed up at midnight. Thanks!

  11. #11
    Respect the Phoenix. Snowfire's Avatar
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    Post Re: Battle of Aura (version 2.0)

    Good fic, good fic.

    I can always help with writer's block. ;)
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  12. #12
    May Still Have Hope TeamGalacticMercury's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battle of Aura (version 2.0)

    Thanks everyone. It will most likely be updated every month.

  13. #13
    Brock's Pikachu LightningTopaz's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Battle of Aura (version 2.0)

    Take your time, we'll wait
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