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  1. #46
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    ooh...a bruno apearence, nice.
    also, fun fact: bruno eventually becomes one of brawly's training partners

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    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Another fun fact: Don't give away plot points!!! :O

    People should stop reading about the characters I use... :P

    Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting!

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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyuuketsuki View Post
    Another fun fact: Don't give away plot points!!! :O

    People should stop reading about the characters I use... :P

    Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting!
    i was...under the impression that you either didn't know or didn't care

  4. #49
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    I pretty much have the entire story planned out. I know all there is to know about the characters that have appeared and about the ones that will. :P

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    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default §7: Companions

    Maylene’s mother had come to Johto in a matter of hours by using her husband’s connections. Crasher Wake had informed her of her daughter’s condition, and the hospital she was kept in. He sat at the far end of the room, while her mother talked to Maylene, who was covered in bandages and caskets.

    Chuck was at his Gym, still refusing to accept Maylene back, though she was not informed of his decision yet. Brawly went on training; even though he cared about Maylene, he knew that she was alive, will recover, and since she won’t be staying here anymore, he might as well focus on himself rather than on the girl he didn’t know very well.

    ‘Can I talk to you for a minute?’ Maylene’s mother said to Crasher Wake. ‘Outside, please.’

    ‘Bring me some food from the cafeteria when you come back!’ Maylene shouted.

    ‘Sure thing, honey,’ her mother said and followed Crasher Wake to the hallway of the hospital. ‘I don’t want this happening ever again.’

    ‘It won’t,’ Crasher Wake said. ‘I’ll make sure of it.’

    ‘No, you don’t understand. I won’t let it happen. She’s coming back to Sinnoh with me.’

    ‘I think you’re overreacting,’ Crasher Wake said, almost begging. ‘This is for her own good.’

    ‘Her own good? Being crushed by rocks is her own good?’ she said, almost shouting. ‘Riolu won’t ever be coming back with us. Had he not run off, Maylene wouldn’t have followed him and-’ she breathed heavily. ‘I don’t want her here anymore.’

    Crasher Wake could see the woman almost breaking into tears, and there was no arguing with an emotional mother. ‘I’ll go get Maylene some food,’ he said before backing away from the argument. ‘Please, think this through.’

    *


    Riolu searched relentlessly for the man who attacked Maylene; he didn’t care if he was weaker, the man had to be defeated. His search began in Cianwood City, which was the closest to the scene, meaning that the chanced of the man living here are high.

    He would occasionally run into Poliwrath, who was smashing rocks. The bigger Pokémon would give Riolu an evil look before sending him away, and Chuck did the same. Brawly would offer him the chance to train with Makuhita, but Riolu would always refuse, and continue his search, but he found nothing in Cianwood, which meant that it was to return to the place where they were attacked.

    Crasher Wake exited the hospital, and spotted Riolu pacing off to the direction they used to reach Maylene. ‘Riolu,’ he called out to the Pokémon and approached him. ‘Maylene is awake, and she told us what happened.’

    Riolu lowered his head. He knew that Chuck wanted her sent away, and this would probably be what does it. Crasher Wake signaled for Riolu to follow him, and he did. They reached the shore they used, and sat next to Floatzel, who was resting after the long demanding ride.

    ‘She said that you had run off for a reason she didn’t know,’ he said. ‘And that she followed you. You two were on a cliff when the avalanche happened. She got hit by some rocks and dragged to the ground. You broke the rocks and dragged her across the water to where we found you, because you didn’t want more rocks falling on her. Is what she said true?’

    Riolu managed to hide his surprise; Maylene had lied. And even though he didn’t like it, he nodded. ‘That’s good news,’ Crasher Wake said. ‘Well, not her getting hurt.’ He laughed loudly, making it evident that Crasher Wake was still Crasher Wake, even in tough times. ‘That means she’ll be able to stay here. Now we just have to convince her mother.’

    Riolu gave a fake smile as Crasher Wake left. Searching for the man now would just destroy the lie. He walked to the water to wash of his dirt and sweat, when he noticed Floatzel. The Pokémon looked at Riolu with half-closed eyes, judging him. He knew that it was all a lie, and he looked as if he would attack Riolu.

    *


    Everyone gathered in Maylene’s room, with Chuck in front of all of them. He wanted Maylene to tell him that she wasn’t responsible directly, as he believed in his ability to detect lies. He stared down at Maylene, who tried hard to maintain her confidence. Her mother, Brawly and Crasher Wake were behind him.

    ‘So you didn’t cause the avalanche?’ Chuck finally said, demandingly.

    Maylene tried to stay calm, and for the most part, managed to fake it. ‘I didn’t,’ she said. ‘I was hit by the rocks.’

    Chuck looked down on the girl for a few second, showing no change in his expression at all, causing Maylene to worry that her lie was discovered. What will her mother, Crasher Wake, father and everyone in Sinnoh think?

    ‘You can stay,’ Chuck said. ‘Now you just have to convince your mother.’ He laughed before exiting the room, followed by Crasher Wake and Brawly.

    ‘Mom, please,’ she said. ‘Just let me stay. I’ll be more careful. Please.’

    ‘I love you, Maylene,’ her voice took on the motherly tone that Maylene had gotten used to. ‘When Crasher Wake told me about what happened, I came here without thinking it through. I know you’re a strong, and you can take care of yourself, but I can’t help but worry; I’m a mother.’ She chuckled and wiped at her teary eyes. ‘I’ve decided to stay here for a week before going back to Sinnoh. I’m not ready to leave you after this incident just yet.’

    ‘But I can stay right?’

    ‘Yes, you can.’

    Maylene attempted hugging her mother, but the movement caused her to knock over some equipment, which in turn led to a beep that indicated her heart had stopped. The closest nurse rushed in terror, but emitted a sigh of relief as soon as she saw Maylene laughing nervously.

    *


    Riolu smashed a rock, and another, and another.

    Chuck had allowed him to help in smashing some of the larger rocks that fell due to the avalanche, while passing trainers handled the smaller ones in hopes of finding some items. Maylene was going to be hospitalised for a few more days, so he might as well train on his own. He also took the opportunity to train with Brawly and Makuhita.

    Maylene attempted joining the training after being discharged, but all she could do in her condition was sit under the waterfall with Chuck. And a few days later, her mother left, not for Sinnoh, but for a tour across Johto. Crasher Wake left after making sure that Maylene was taken care of and that she was recovering. She found herself alone again in Cianwood City, with no companion but Riolu.

    One night she cried herself to sleep; leaving home was one thing, but having people from home leave her was another. The feeling of loneliness overcame her, and she regretted leaving home so abruptly. Her parents, friends, and everyone she knew in Veilstone and the Gym was away from her. She started to question her decision to train in Johto before falling asleep.

    Her dreams were no different; homesickness and longing for the people she knew. She would wake up in the middle of the night at the feel of something moving next to her; it was Riolu attempting to keep her company in what was the hardest time of her life.

    A week later, she was free to move her limbs as she wanted to, but the nurses advised her to take it easy, and demanded that Chuck wouldn’t demand the same intense training he did before. That week, Makuhita defeated Riolu for the first time due to Maylene’s mind being occupied by the people she left behind.

    And the week ended with her crying herself to sleep again.
    Last edited by Kyuuketsuki; 10th October 2012 at 05:49 PM.

  6. #51
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Alright, here are the chapter reviews.

    Chapter 6: Bruno is one tough, hardcore person. He may have wanted the best for Maylene, but what psycho would hurt purposely a much younger girl? Other than that, it was an okay chapter but a bit short.

    Chapter 7: I really like the fact that Riolu lied for Maylene, we got to see a bit more of his personality in this chapter which I liked. Though all that nostalgia stuff came a bit unexpected. I would have preferred if you wrote an extra farewell scene between Maylene and her mother so we could see the full impact of the departure on her.

    So yeah, I liked chapter seven more than six. I hope Gardenia and Candice cure Maylene from her homesickness. Keep it up!

  7. #52
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Thanks for reading and commenting.

    I wasn't sure how people would react to that Bruno scene, and I didn't want to take it too far...
    Well, Maylene lied, and Riolu went along with it. I would have written the goodbye scenes, but I felt that they wouldn't have fitted in, especially right after the "I’m not ready to leave you" part, which is why I gave them (Her mom's and Crasher Wake's) a brief mention.

    Glad to see that you've liked this chapter. I hope you like what I've got planned. :P

  8. #53
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    So, I'm planning on reading this.

    Just as soon as I get ample time.

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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    I've caught up, and I quite like the series so far. It has a nice plot and good characetization, but I think that this could be expanded on. I think having the time stretched out a bit longer would help as well by givign it a slower pace, and maybe some longer descriptions could help pad it out a bit more and could help expand the plot out a bit. I do enjoy this series, and certainly hope you continue with it

    ^^^^ The GalacticVerse Bibliography (Thanks to Blazaking for Banner) ^^^^

  10. #55
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default §8: Control The Storm

    Maylene woke up to the sound of Riolu opening the window, a habit which he took up to wake his trainer up before Chuck kicked open the door and summoned her for training. She got up and prepared herself for a busy day of training, and it started as normal. She joined Brawly and Makuhita in destroying some of the last rocks, but the avalanche has caused the formation to become very sensitive, and everyday new small rocks would fall whenever someone walked through the construction hole, but these were taken care of by passing trainers.

    ‘I think that’s enough for today,’ Brawly said. ‘It’s time to train with Chuck.’

    ‘Sure,’ Maylene said. ‘You go first, I’ll come after a minute.’

    Brawly walked away silently, which Maylene didn’t mind; she found it very difficult to act the way she did around Brawly and Chuck after she lied to them. She stared at Riolu while he smashed some more rocks before getting up.

    ‘Come on, Riolu,’ she called out. ‘It’s time to train.’

    Riolu looked back, nodded, and walked towards Maylene. She turned around to walk towards the Gym and saw Chuck standing directly behind her.

    ‘There’s someone here to see you,’ he said. ‘She says she’s from Sinnoh.’

    ‘Who is it?’ Maylene asked, and caught a glimpse of Riolu trying to look at the far end of the island.

    ‘She wouldn’t tell me her name,’ Chuck said. ‘But she’s wearing a lot of green and black.’

    ‘Gardenia!’ she exclaimed as if Crasher Wake had taken over her body and ran past Chuck towards the beach Riolu had been staring at. She saw the figure of Gardenia growing closer, and he smile widened. Gardenia didn’t seem to notice Maylene, as she was talking to Brawly. ‘Gardenia!’ Maylene shouted to grab her friend’s attention.

    Brawly and Gardenia both turned their heads towards Maylene, who was running towards with unmatched speed, the same speed that caused her to caused a scene in Veilstone a little more than a year ago. Gardenia grinned and grabbed Brawly by the shoulders before pushing him towards Maylene. The two collided, causing Maylene’s face to crash first into the sand, while Brawly fell to his side.

    ‘How could you leave without telling us?!’ Gardenia shouted. ‘I searched all of this stupid Johto, only to find you in the one place where fun comes to die!’

    ‘I came to train,’ Maylene said as she got up and dusted herself. ‘You told me to not care about what people think and train as hard as I can, remember?’

    ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ Chuck said as he approached the group. His face red with anger, and the sand exploded under his stomps. ‘You can’t come in here and start assaulting my apprentices!’

    ‘Don’t worry, I’ll leave soon,’ Gardenia said. ‘And I’m taking Maylene.’

    ‘I’m not going back just yet!’

    ‘Who are you anyway?!’

    ‘Shut up!’

    The trio’s shouting and cries mixed with each other, and became indistinguishable. Each one of them talked to the other two at the same time, and it was evident that none of them could comprehend anything of what was said.

    ‘No one is leaving!’ Chuck’s voice roared, causing the three to silence themselves, and most of the city’s people to shift their attention towards the scene. ‘A storm is coming, and leaving or entering Cianwood City is dangerous for now, and thus, has been forbidden. That’s an order from the Pokémon League.’

    ‘But we’re taking about your Pokémon League,’ Gardenia mocked him. ‘It’s probably just a few drops of rain that you all will be overreacting about like idiots!’

    ‘I don’t care what you think, young girl,’ Chuck said. ‘For your safety, you will go nowhere.’

    Brawly started to speak, but a pain suddenly shot up his right foot, causing him to wince. The water around his foot started to freeze, and he was stuck in it. Maylene and Gardenia shared a look; they knew that it was Snorunt; Candice was probably skating her way through the ocean, and they weren’t mistaken. A few seconds later, a figure appeared on the trail of ice, and approached the island at amazing speed. As it got closer, they could see Candice, Snorunt and another person on a boat that was sliding through the ice as if it was a rollercoaster.

    Makuhita managed to chop the ice in time to knock Brawly out of the boat’s way before it collided against the sand and came to a stop. ‘Sorry,’ Candice said to Chuck, who towered over the group. ‘This fisherman offered me a ride across the ocean, but we encountered a storm on the way and I had to get us out of there.’

    She was drenched in rainwater, as was the fisherman. The boat was damaged and a small pool had formed in the center of it, but was frozen. ‘Who are you?’ Chuck asked, arms crossed and anger still showing.

    ‘That’s Candice,’ Gardenia said. ‘A liar who didn’t want to come to Johto.’

    ‘Maylene, the Gym, now,’ Chuck said and marched off. ‘Everyone else stay here.’

    Maylene exchanged happy glances with Candice, worried ones with Candice, and received pity ones from Brawly. Riolu started to follow her, but was stopped by Brawly, and since he knew Chuck more than them, Riolu trusted him. The two barefoot fighters walked towards the Gym. The door was fully open, but that didn’t stop Chuck from unnecessarily swinging them hard enough to detach them.

    ‘Are they your friends?’ Chuck said as soon as the pair stopped just a few centimeters before the waterfall.

    ‘Yes, they are,’ Maylene said. ‘They’re really good friends from Sinnoh.’

    ‘I don’t mind them visiting you, or even staying here,’ Chuck said. ‘But I won’t train them, and I certainly don’t like how they can come unannounced; they’ve disrupted everything. We were supposed to start training.’

    ‘I’m sorry,’ Maylene said. ‘I didn’t even know they were coming.’

    ‘I don’t care about what you knew or didn’t,’ he said. ‘I want you to find a solution to this. I don’t have the time to take care of more people; I’m a Gym Leader.’

    ‘What will you do now?’

    ‘They can stay for now, and training will have to be canceled for today either way, because of the storm I received news of before I came to find you. You can leave now.’

    Maylene didn’t question his decisions; she knew that as long as she had the permission to go out of the Gym, she could stop the conversation, even though she had a lot of questions. She walked back towards the beach, where Candice, Gardenia and Brawly were waiting. Riolu seemed to be the only one who noticed her, as her two friends were arguing, while Brawly was taking care of the ice around his shoe with Makuhita’s help.

    ‘Brawly, Chuck said that training for today was canceled because of the storm,’ Maylene said. ‘Gardenia and Candice, how did you get here?’ Her tone suddenly shifted to that of excitement about meeting her old friends again.

    ‘I traveled normally,’ Gardenia said. ‘By foot.’

    ‘Boat,’ Candice said. ‘Though I did end up in Kanto, and had to walk all the way here.’

    ‘Well, you two are a real problem,’ Brawly said. ‘You didn’t even think about it before traveling all the way here from Sinnoh?’

    ‘Shut up, surfer boy,’ Gardenia said. ‘Go play in the waved or something. Make a sand castle.’

    Brawly got up and placed a hand on Maylene’s shoulder. ‘I don’t think she’s a good friend,’ he said. ‘The other might be, but I’m not sticking around for long.’

    Gardenia ignored his remark as he walked away from the group. ‘You shouldn’t be mean to him,’ Maylene said. ‘He’s a good friend.’

    ‘Unlike Candice,’ Gardenia said. ‘She didn’t even want to come visit you, at least not with me.’

    ‘That’s because you’re a horrible person!’ Candice shouted. ‘You keep making these insults and think it’s fun, but you’re only making me feel bad for hanging out for you!’

    ‘Shut up!’ Gardenia shouted and almost approached Candice as if to hit her, but Snorunt jumped in front of her trainer and kicked up some sand before freezing it. It got into Gardenia’s eyes, causing her to reach for a random Poké Ball and throw it at the ground.

    A short green Pokémon covered by a large leaf appeared. She held a blue rose on one hand, and a red in the other. Three spikes emerged from her head, and her think legs stood close together as she took on a battle stance.

    ‘Poison Sting!’

    ‘Snorunt, Blizzard!’

    Roselia put her two roses together, and created numerous small darts. They gathered around the tips of the roses and began to move closer towards the center, where they seemed to be sticking to each other with some purple liquid, creating a larger dart, although it was still small.

    But Snorunt proved too fast for Roselia’s attack, she used the slight wind and lowered the temperature with her breath, and it was enough to causing a ferocious attack on Roselia. The Grass Pokémon winced at the sting of the cold, the dew on her leaves froze, helping the ice spread across her body, and soon the Pokémon fell to the ground covered in a thin layer of ice.

    ‘Shadow Ball.’

    Snorunt grinned as she gathered energy around her to form a purple orb that shot at Roselia. The ice around it shattered, causing Roselia’s leaves and roses to suffer small rips before she was thrown back towards Gardenia’s feet.

    ‘If that’s what you want,’ Gardenia started, almost crying. ‘Then fine, I’ll go away.’

    She withdrew Roselia into her Poké Ball and ran past Candice and Maylene. The latter tried to stop her and shout after her, but Gardenia jumped into the boat too fast, and force caused it to start sliding down the path that Snorunt had created, held in the center by the edges that were created when it went across the trail the first time around.

    The fisherman looked on in disbelief before going into the Pokémon Center to take shelter from the approaching storm, while Candice looked at Maylene with coldness in her eyes. ‘We better go into the Pokémon Center as well,’ she said. ‘It’s safer there.’

    ‘What about Gardenia? It’s not safe for her to be in the middle of the sea, is it?’

    ‘It’s Gardenia,’ Candice said. ‘Why should we care?’
    Last edited by Kyuuketsuki; 10th October 2012 at 05:50 PM.

  11. #56
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    Default §9: The Gathering

    ‘How could you say that?’ Maylene said, shocked and in disbelief at how Candice, her best friend, treated Gardenia worse than she would have treated a stranger. ‘Why were you so rude to her? I thought we were all friends!’

    ‘I never liked her,’ Candice said, her voice devoid of any kind of emotion. ‘I’m glad she’s gone, and you should be as well.’

    Maylene was shocked. This was Candice, the outgoing friendly girl everyone loved. How she could change so dramatically was beyond her. Candice walked off, and Snorunt followed her. The sand beneath her feet was kicked up with each step, and was carried away by light winds; the storm was approaching.

    Maylene walked behind Candice, and sped up her footsteps. She slowly approached her friend, and began passing her by. Riolu was already beside her, and he shared a look of confusion with Snorunt; their trainers were acting very out of character.

    Chuck opened the door to him Gym, as if he knew that the group was approaching the Gym. Maylene went in first, and Candice followed her. The last ones in were Riolu and Snorunt, who looked up at the large body that is Chuck, and shared another look; he obviously had a plan in mind.

    Maylene sat by Brawly and began talking to him, while Candice walked around the Gym, studying every aspect of it with a look of fascination on her face; at least she was herself again.

    Maylene and Candice had a very strong friendship, and throughout the years they’ve been friends and the one year they’ve been closer than sisters, their relationship passed on to their Pokémon. But these two did not encounter the conflict their trainers did, and seeing each other once again meant that it was time to return to their old habits.

    They couldn’t fully use their playful nature in the wide area, since the storm was approaching, and everyone was instructed to lock their doors, but the Gym itself had many opportunities. Snorunt started their sting of events, and approached the large Pokémon that Chuck referred to as Poliwrath. It was helping him and the other trainers reinforce the windows of the Gym with various objects. Riolu and Snorunt cannot help in anyway, but they weren’t meaning to.

    Snorunt studied the Poliwrath in the same manner that Candice used to study the Gym. Her tiny legs barely allowed her to keep up with the strong Pokémon as it carried random chairs from the back of the Gym to the windows, and she would occasionally slip due to walking into the water then out of it, while Riolu found it easy to follow, especially with all the training he had done with Maylene.

    She covered her mouth with her hands and giggled; why not make the Gym her own play zone?

    The water was conveniently placed at the center of the gym, and part of it crept out onto the ground. As soon as no one’s foot was in it, she released the freezing breath she had held inside, and the entire water turned into ice. Snorunt’s face lit up; the Gym was suddenly hers to skate in as she wants. In her excitement, she forgot that everyone needed to go through it to get the items they need.

    The first was a trainer, who slipped onto the ice, and a few others followed as they rushed to help him. That was when Snorunt knew what she has done. Candice knew right away that Snorunt was responsible, and approached her.

    This was going to reflect badly on Maylene; her friends coming and causing a problem in a desperate time was not something that would reflect positively on her. He rushed up the Gym, and towards the wheel that would turn on the waterfall. He stood on one of the handles, and jumped on it to make sure that it would lower, and it did, along with the bridge.

    ‘No!’ Chuck suddenly shouted. ‘Don’t do that!’

    But it was too late. The waterfall rushed down to meet the ice and broke it apart, but the chunks had blocked the drain, causing the water to creep onto the ground near it, and towards the door.

    ‘Lift up the bridge!’ Chuck shouted again, but Riolu’s thoughts were scattered. ‘The storm!’

    His warning came too late; the water flooded towards the door in no time, and removed most of the furniture holding the door and windows, causing the frail walls of the Gym to give away and let the rainfall in. Everyone in the Gym was shocked to see what was flailing in the middle of Cianwood City. Dozens of tentacles smashed against the sand and would occasionally hit the Pokémon Center, which was stronger than most of the buildings in Cianwood and managed to withstand the hits.

    ‘It’s a Tentacruel!’ Check shouted over the wind and rain. ‘The storm must have washed it onto the beach.’

    His thoughts and speech were incoherent in the middle of that storm, but everyone knew what was happening, and what they had to do. Poliwrath acted on instinct and jumped towards the Tentacruel, grabbing some of the flailing limps together to stop the assault on the Pokémon Center. Chuck ordered the trainers to help, and they all sent out several Fighting-types to help, but they seemed useless against the force of the Pokémon, whose hits threw the Pokémon away, the only who managed to hold on was Poliwrath, but his strength was slowly failing him.

    ‘He can’t hold on anymore!’ Brawly shouted. ‘Makuhita, let’s help!’

    The short Pokémon nodded, and ran alongside his trainer. Brawly held his broken surfboard in his hand, and dug it into the ground for support. Makuhita leaned against it, and managed to catch and stop some of Tentacruel’s movements, but the situation was still helpless; Makuhita failed as quickly as all the other Pokémon before him.

    ‘It’s no use!’ Chuck screamed at the top of his lungs. ‘Go inside!’ He instructed, even though half of the wall was gone, but everyone still obeyed. They rushed back into the Gym, and everyone but Maylene and Candice seemed to know what was going to happen. The former’s attention stayed on Chuck, who produced a second Poké Ball.

    ‘Primeape!’ he shouted as he threw it towards the ground. ‘Behave yourself!’

    The order sounded weird to Maylene; why wouldn’t a Pokémon behave itself around the trainer who raised it? Chuck must be a bad trainer for not being able to control his own Pokémon; how could Crasher Wake trust him with training her?

    The sand would have kicked up at the force of the throw, but the Poké Ball produced no effect against the sand but a muffled sound as Primeape emerged from it. He was a round Pokémon covered in scruffy hair, with four limps emerging from it. But his most striking feature was his face; a look of violence overcame it, and he seemed to want to attack Chuck, but one of the tentacles smashed against his back, and that was it.

    Primeape let out a violent war cry, almost deafening. He turned around to face the flailing Tentacruel and ran forward, while leaving wide footprints on the mud under him. His hands wrapped against a dozen of the limps, and lifted the Tentacruel up, before smashing it against the Pokémon Center, making the Pokémon shriek in pain. Poliwrath was knocked aside as well, and was unable to get up as Tentacruel hit him unwillingly.

    ‘This is horrible!’ Maylene shouted. ‘Crasher Wake wouldn’t allow this! Riolu, stop that thing! Force Palm!’

    The blue Pokémon hesitated, but he couldn’t allow himself to endanger Maylene, who ran towards the scene. He followed his trainer, knowing exactly what was required of him. Makuhita joined the group halfway, while Brawly helped some of the people at the Pokémon Center move to a safer place; the building was shaking violently against the Tentacruel.

    ‘Makuhita, will you help us?’ Maylene said hopefully, and the Pokémon nodded. ‘Thank you. Now, let’s stop the Primeape!’
    Last edited by Kyuuketsuki; 10th October 2012 at 05:52 PM.

  12. #57
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    Default §10: Teamwork

    Brawly joined the group somewhere in the distance between the Gym and Primeape, but Maylene was too concerned to notice. The raging Primeape had defeated the wild Tentacruel with ease, and knocked out Poliwrath without even intending to; how can her Riolu and Brawly’s Makuhita even hope to beat it?

    It seemed hopeless, and for a moment, Maylene wanted to turn back and run away. This was dangerous, and Riolu could get seriously hurt; she herself could get seriously hurt.

    ‘Makuhita, Force Palm!’ Brawly ordered his Pokémon, and Maylene knew she would have to contribute to the battle; there was no turning back now.

    ‘Quick Attack!’ Maylene commanded, forgetting that she had already ordered an attack.

    The sand, the rain, and the wind seemed to work against Riolu and Makuhita. Primeape glared at both of the approaching Pokémon, before rushing to meet them. With one fist, he propelled Makuhita backwards, causing it to crash into the mud, while he grabbed Riolu with the other by the neck.

    ‘Riolu!’ Maylene called out for her Pokémon, desperate for his safety. She ran forward as the Primeape brought Riolu down, and crashed him into the mud as well, before his gaze switched to Maylene.

    Without a second of thinking, she jumped up, legs first, attempting to kick the Primeape away from her partner, only for her to feel a sudden rush of wind, and the see world spinning around her; Primeape had grabbed her ankle, and she was now flying towards the sea.

    *


    Surrounded by whirlpools, under the rain, and at night; this wasn’t Gardenia’s best day. Roselia was by her side, and she wasn’t too pleased with their situation either.

    ‘You can stop complaining!’ Gardenia argued with Roselia, who would sigh at every drop of rain that hit her, and groan at every thunder that shot itself from the sky. ‘I know we’re in a bad situation! It isn’t my fault.’

    Roselia’s eyes widened and she turned her face slowly towards Gardenia; a dramatic gesture her trainer had taught her. ‘Oh, don’t do that!’ Gardenia insisted. ‘We’ll just wait for the storm to finish! And no! For the last time, there might be ghosts in there!’

    Gardenia shouted at her Pokémon, and pointed at the cave behind them. ‘I wanted you to stay with me! Not because I needed you, but because I knew you would be worried about me!’

    Roselia scoffed, and got up slowly before shaking her body, and sending all of the sand that was on here flying towards Gardenia. ‘What do you think you’re doing?!’ Gardenia cried. ‘N- No! You. Are. Not. Going. Into. The. Cave!’

    *


    Maylene felt the seawater rush into her lungs. She remembered when she fell off of that cliff, and how she lied about it to stay here; was it her decision that will kill her? It can’t be; she’s too young. She suddenly felt something grab her, and pull her down. No. Something had tackled her, and was now swimming her up.

    She gasped for air as her emerged above the surface. A pair of strong hands wrapped themselves around her, and upon further inspection, she recognised them as Poliwrath’s; he must’ve regained consciousness while she was battling the Primeape, as much as getting thrown into the ocean counted as a battle.

    Riolu and Makuhita were still battling, with Brawly commanding the both. Chuck and his students watched, and as Maylene looked around the island, she recognised several Fighting Pokémon helping the people out of the Pokémon Center.

    The island approached Maylene as Poliwrath kept of carrying the little girl to the island. ‘Riolu!’ she shouted, unable to contain herself from joining the battle. ‘Copycat!’

    Primeape knocked Makuhita to the mud again, and targeted Riolu. The two Pokémon’s actions became mirrored; Primeape raised his right fist, and Riolu copied. The pair exchanged several quick punches, and the raindrops rippled in the air between the two. For several seconds, they were locked in combat, until the wind became colder, and the air around them started to freeze.

    Maylene was now on the beach, set down by Poliwrath, who started approaching the Primeape, but stopped at the sudden coldness of the weather. Primeape’s wet fur started to harden, his fists to slow down, and his movement eventually stopped.

    ‘Good job, Snorunt,’ Candice said, but her voice was devoid of the Candice Maylene knew as her friend. ‘It’s over.’

    And it was. Riolu delivered the final punch, and Primeape fell to the mud, motionless. Chuck quickly seized the opportunity, and returned his still Pokémon to it’s Poké Ball. ‘Thank you, Candice,’ he said. ‘That was a great move.’ Chuck then turned to Maylene, who was almost collapsing due to the weight of her wet clothes. ‘Maylene, you really are made of tough stuff,’ he laughed. ‘And Brawly, great job with Makuhita’s endurance, and with being able to command two Pokémon; must be a skill from Hoenn!’

    ‘That’s it?’ Candice said as the last bit of rain turned to snow. ‘Good job? How about you learn to control your Primeape? Everyone was in danger!’

    ‘Don’t talk back to me, little girl,’ Chuck’s voice took on a more serious tone as he turned to Candice. ‘I am your elder, and your superior.’

    ‘No,’ Candice said. ‘No. I don’t care anymore. I’ve been nice to people for too long.’

    Chuck stared at Candice; she was defiantly too young to be thinking like that. ‘I think there’s someone you would like to meet,’ he said. ‘But right now, we’ll put the Tentacruel back in the sea, and deal with the damage.’

    As he finished his sentence, he glanced at where Tentacruel lay, only to see it missing, with Poliwrath emerging from the sea one more time. ‘Everyone, rebuild the Gym!’ Chuck ordered his students. ‘Maylene, Brawly, and Candice, follow me.’

    *


    Roselia scoffed, and got up slowly before shaking her body, and sending all of the sand that was on here flying towards Gardenia. ‘What do you think you’re doing?!’ Gardenia cried. ‘N- No! You. Are. Not. Going. Into. The. Cave!’

    Roselia shrugged off Gardenia’s pleading, and walked into the darkness of the cave, leaving her trainer alone in the middle of the storm, wondering why everyone seemed to leave her. Seconds later, there was a thud, and Roselia rolled out of the cave.

    ‘Oh, now you decide to come back,’ Gardenia exclaimed. ‘Well, guess what, we’re no longer-’

    She turned her head to see that Roselia was unconscious, and to her shock, someone kicked her away from the entrance. ‘You’re too annoying, kid,’ a barefoot, shirtless man said. ‘Why don’t you leave?’

    ‘What is wrong with you?!’ Gardenia cried in disbelief. ‘What did you do to Roselia?! Are you crazy?!’

    In her moment of rage, Gardenia threw a punch at the man, only for him to catch it. ‘I’m guessing you’re from Sinnoh as well.’
    Last edited by Kyuuketsuki; 10th October 2012 at 05:54 PM.

  13. #58
    Banana eating Gengar GengarEatBanana's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Good storyline, very interesting so far.
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  14. #59
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Glad to see you like it.

  15. #60
    Registered User Ian D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Holy moly, I've fallen behind on a lot of things, especially this. So much reading to doooo!

    Chapter Six: "We're standing firm!"

    But her thoughts stopped when she was the man walking away from her
    I... er... you- whaaaa? I hope that was a grave error, because that makes absolute no sense.

    His left hand grabbed her fist, stopping her in midair, and his right hand formed into a fist that he dug into Maylene’s body. He didn’t care about the fact that she had just sustained an injury, or that she was a girl, or that she was a child. He punched with all of the force he could use to cause the most pain without killing her.

    Maylene coughed blood, but the man didn’t stop. He lowered his left hand, dragging Maylene along with it, and raised it behind Maylene’s back, effectively twisting her arm. Riolu tried to jump and help, but was kicked away violently. The man then smashed his left knee against her back, causing her to scream in pain, and drove her to the ground.

    Her body smashed against the sand and rocks. His arm still twisted, and the man’s knee still on her back, keeping her down. He used his right hand to grab her head and raise it, before smashing it against the ground. Just enough to haze her vision but not knock her out.
    Holy crap, Bruno is brutal. I like it.

    Good chapter, as is per usual with this story. I love Bruno's personality, and the foreshadowing aspect of it all just made the end of the chapter feel... epic.

    Chapter Seven: "Companions"

    Ayaiyai. Maylene's mother, Maylene's mother, Maylene's mother...

    Riolu searched relentlessly for the man who attacked Maylene; he didn’t care if he was weaker, the man had to be defeated. His search began in Cianwood City, which was the closest to the scene, meaning that the chanced of the man living here are high.
    Brave little adorable thing. ^_^

    Maylene attempted hugging her mother, but the movement caused her to knock over some equipment, which in turn led to a beep that indicated her heart had stopped. The closest nurse rushed in terror, but emitted a sigh of relief as soon as she saw Maylene laughing nervously.
    Wow, that was heartstoppingly horrifarious- horrifarious isn't a word? So what? *grabs gun* Aight, Webster, time to add a new word to the dictionary- huh?

    Riolu smashed a rock, and another, and another.
    This, my friend, is a work of literary genius. John Steinbeck, Stephen King, Edgar Allen Poe - all those chumps hold nothing on this piece of art.

    One night she cried herself to sleep; leaving home was one thing, but having people from home leave her was another. The feeling of loneliness overcame her, and she regretted leaving home so abruptly. Her parents, friends, and everyone she knew in Veilstone and the Gym was away from her. She started to question her decision to train in Johto before falling asleep.
    ...;-; Awww. Poor Maylene. Once again, really realistic portrayal. If you do anything, you know how to write good characters. Of course you can do more, but I find it to really be your strong suit.

    And the week ended with her crying herself to sleep again.
    ...;-; DAMN IT, you're gonna make me cry.

    Chapter Eight: "Control the Storm"

    She joined Brawly and Makuhita in destroying some of the last rocks, but the avalanche has caused the formation to become very sensitive, and everyday new small rocks would fall whenever someone walked through the construction hole, but these were taken care of by passing trainers.
    I can't help but ask: is this a shoutout to those smashable rocks north of Cianwood? Because if you really paid homage to such a tiny, insignificant detail, you are my new favorite person.

    and he smile widened
    I believe you meant her smile widened.

    Gardenia grinned and grabbed Brawly by the shoulders before pushing him towards Maylene. The two collided, causing Maylene’s face to crash first into the sand, while Brawly fell to his side.
    ...Excuse me for a moment.

    HAHAHAHAHAHA

    *ahem* How horrible of you, Gardenia!

    I have got to say that even if that little section earlier wasn't a reference to a minute detail, Candice's ice-skating across the ocean makes you, pardon my french, fucking amazing.

    “Go play in the waved or something. Make a sand castle.”
    waves, not waved.

    “It’s Gardenia,” Candice said. “Why should we care?”
    OH COME ON. Little Gardenia when she's angry is the definition of awesome.

    , and throughout the years they’ve been friends and the one year they’ve
    SHAME, SHAME. Tense errors again! The story is written in a past tense sort of way, so the they've-s should be they'd-s.

    Oh god, this chapter's end was intense.

    Chapter Ten: "Teamwork"

    Without a second of thinking, she jumped up, legs first, attempting to kick the Primeape away from her partner, only for her to feel a sudden rush of wind, and the see world spinning around her; Primeape had grabbed her ankle, and she was now flying towards the sea.
    Your bluntness is what makes this. Anyone with half a brain knows Maylene is going to live - this is a backstory fic. But the simple rawness of this short paragraph makes anyone with half a brain wonder just how. *shivers*

    In her moment of rage, Gardenia threw a punch at the man, only for him to catch it. “I’m guessing you’re from Sinnoh as well.”
    ...that...line...

    BUAHAHAHA.

    Good, as always, man. Don't have much else to add that I haven't added before. So, good job and hurry up with the next chapter! Heh.


    Thanks to ShinySandshrew of serebiiforums for the banner!

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