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  1. #31
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Tense-confusion again... I will get it right some day! Gardenia was, as I mentioned, a last minute add. And because Brawly trained under Chuck in the Anime, I decided to implant this idea into the story, though this story is not set in the Anime Universe. Hope you like the next chapters! :D

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    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default §4: Where She Belongs

    Crasher Wake and Maylene arrived in Cianwood City by boat. At first, Maylene regarded the city as still being developed, but the discovery that it was how they set out to build it made her think of Johto as primitive people. If the city housed Chuck, one of the greatest Gym Leaders, then why isn’t it as developed as Sunyshore City? Which, even though she never visited, is near the sea as well and far more advanced than this city.

    Maylene began to doubt that Chuck was great. He could be amazing to the Johto people, but if that was their standard of a great city, then he can’t possibly live up to the great trainer standard they had back in Sinnoh. Crasher Wake led her to the Gym, where a young boy, slightly older than Maylene greeted them.

    His hair and eyes were blue. He wore an orange shirt, blue pants, and shows that were primarily black. ‘Welcome, Maylene,’ he addressed her. ‘I’m Brawly, and I’m training under Chuck at the moment. I’m very glad that you’ve accepted the offer to train with us.’

    ‘It’s nice to meet you,’ Maylene said, and a rush of Gardenia-like insults climbed up her vocal cords, but she managed to hold them back. ‘Are you from Cianwood City?’

    ‘No, I’m from Hoenn,’ Brawly said, much to Maylene’s surprise. ‘But I came here just to train in order to become a Gym Leader.’

    Maylene knew that trainers from Hoenn were very strong, and if a trainer from there believed that Chuck is good enough to train him, then he must be strong. The fact that he, like her, wanted to become a Gym Leader made him appeal to her. Maylene found herself suddenly taking a liking to Brawly.

    Beside him was a Pokémon that Maylene had never seen before. Brawly noticed her glancing at him occasionally, and decided to introduce him. ‘This is Makuhita,’ he said. ‘He’s my Pokémon. Chuck will help you catch one soon, so don’t worry.’

    Maylene alternated her head between Brawly and Crasher Wake in confusion. ‘In Johto, trainers like to keep one of their Pokémon out of their Poké Ball all the time,’ Crasher Wake said. ‘You should send out Riolu.’

    ‘Why don’t you send out one of your Pokémon?’ she asked as she grabbed Riolu’s Poké Ball and sent him out. He studied the bulky yellow Pokémon and his surroundings. Everything was different. Unlike Maylene, he didn’t get to experience the transition from the cold weather in Sinnoh to the warm breeze of Johto slowly.

    ‘I already did,’ Crasher Wake laughed loudly. ‘They’re all in the sea waiting for me.’

    ‘You’re not staying here with me?’

    ‘I have some business to take care of,’ Crasher Wake said. ‘I will visit you often though. I’ll be in Johto as well, so just ask Chuck to contact me anytime you need me.’

    Maylene said her goodbyes to Crasher Wake again. Her mentor was leaving again, but at least he wasn’t going to be away this time. Crasher Wake jumped into the water, and swam alongside his Pokémon away from Cianwood City, and towards whatever his business was.

    Brawly led Maylene into the Gym, and to her surprise, it was larger than expected. Many were training with their Pokémon, but one person stood out, and she guessed that it was Chuck. The man, who was as large and bulky as Crasher Wake, was meditating underneath a waterfall, seemingly unaware of any other’s presence in the Gym.

    ‘He’s just meditating,’ Brawly said. ‘The only way to get his attention is to shut down the water. I’ll take the one on the right, you take the one on the left.’

    Maylene didn’t understand what he meant by ‘the one on the left’, but when Brawly began climbing the ledges on their right, she understood. She looked up at the place where he instructed her to go, and managed to spot a large winch, it must be what he meant by ‘the one on the left’.

    She began to climb towards it, but was stopped by a man who shouted at her, causing Riolu to jump in front of her. ‘Words are useless,’ he said, which caused Maylene’s protests to fade away before she produced them. ‘ Let your fists do the talking!’

    Before Maylene could respond, the trainer sent out a small gray human-shaped Pokémon with a tail, which Maylene recognized as Machop. She might as well train while she’s here.

    ‘Riolu, use Force Palm!’ Maylene ordered.

    ‘Seismic Toss!’ the trainer responded.

    The two small Pokémon ran towards each other, each one swinging back one arm. Machop proved faster, and managed to grab Riolu with his entire arm. He made a quick turn, and ran in circles with amazing speed, while Riolu stayed almost attached to Machop’s arm.

    ‘Come on, Riolu!’ Maylene encouraged her Pokémon, who nodded back in response. He struggled against the air current that occurred due to Machop’s increasingly fast running. He put his palm against Machop’s face and yelled out as he released a small beam of aura that sent Machop flying back. But he had been running for so long, and Riolu’s attacked caused him to fly back as well.

    The two Pokémon smashed against a rock, but Machop seemed to be the least harmed from the collision of attacks. ‘Revenge!’ his trainer order, and Machop grinned.

    ‘Force Palm again, Riolu!’ Maylene shouted. ‘You can do it!’

    The Pokémon nodded confidently and ran forward towards the Machop that just prepared his body for another collision. His palm glowed with a faint light that shaped to a circle, and he pressed it against Machop as soon as he reached the opposing Pokémon. The beam fired once again, but it only caused Machop to take a few steps back that he made up for by taking more steps forwards.

    ‘Riolu, get out of there!’

    Machop grinned as Riolu looked back at his trainer. His right hand shaped into a fist, and he dug it deep into Riolu’s body. The blue Pokémon gasped at the fist that twisted against his belly. Machop took a few steps forward. His entire body was behind Riolu, and they were back to back, except for Machop’s right fist. He pushed Riolu’s body in the direction he was facing, and his arm worked as a spring, causing Riolu to roll back towards Maylene before fainting.

    ‘That was a good battle,’ Brawly said, but Maylene was too concerned about Riolu to notice him. ‘I hope Nob didn’t go too tough on you.’

    ‘Will you be okay, Riolu?’ she asked her Pokémon, still unaware of Brawly’s presence. Riolu nodded at Maylene, who was hunched over her Pokémon, and slowly got up to his feet, causing Maylene to do the same.

    Brawly coughed to draw Maylene’s attention to him. ‘Chuck asked me to make you go this way and battle Nob,’ he said. ‘There isn’t a winch on the other side, so I guess we kind of tricked you.’

    Maylene did an amazing job of holding back her insults, and simple said ‘Oh.’

    ‘I turned the water off though,’ Brawly said. ‘Chuck should be waiting for us. Let’s go.’

    Maylene began to miss her friends; they didn’t trick her into battling, they just asked. Sure, Gardenia was the prankster that always got her into trouble, but it was still a direct question when it came to battling. Brawly led her to Chuck, who stood tall waiting for them with his arms crossed.

    ‘There’s no greetings,’ he said. ‘You’s turn to battle her.’

    ‘Don’t worry,’ Brawly said to Maylene. ‘He actually can talk well, he’s probably just messing with you.’

    Great. Another trick. At that moment, Maylene grew furious. Her homesickness overcame her, and it mixed with her anger. She did what she could do best. A few steps forwards, some body movement, and her fist ended up against Chuck’s face.

    To everyone’s surprise, Chuck fell backwards. At first he tried to keep his balance, but the water beneath him didn’t help. His whole body created a loud thud as it smashed against the floor behind him, causing some water to splash.

    ‘I like you, girl!’ he shouted while still on the ground, which reminded her of Gardenia’s way of addressing people based on their gender. ‘Crasher Wake was right, but he didn’t tell me about your strength.’ He started to get up. ‘Was trying to break the ice, but I guess you do a better job at that than me.’ He began to laugh in a manner that, even though it was different than Crasher Wake’s, reminded her of her mentor. She felt an urge to punch again, but realised that everyone in the Gym was already looking at her like a villain, and more attention was not needed, even though Chuck didn’t express any disapproval.

    ‘Let’s go outside,’ Brawly said. ‘Chuck wants to see you battling me.’

    ‘Can’t Chuck say so himself?’ Maylene responded; she must get rid of Gardenia’s influence if she wanted to fit in. ‘I have to get Riolu healed first.’

    Her Pokémon nodded, causing Brawly to nod back. He led her to the Pokémon Center, where the nurse was similar to the ones in Sinnoh, but not the same. Riolu got the treatment he needed, which wasn’t intensive, and followed Brawly alongside Maylene to the beach, where Chuck was waiting with another Pokémon she didn’t recognise.

    It was another bulk Pokémon, but it was blue with a swirl in the center of his body. ‘Poliwrath,’ Chuck said his name to introduce him. ‘This is Maylene.’

    A hint of anger returned to her; how is introducing her to the Pokémon, who should be aware that she was coming, more important than introducing the Pokémon to someone who has never seen the species before.

    ‘Is this the one I get to beat?’ Maylene said, mixing Gardenia with herself again, even though she was trying hard to stop it.

    ‘You’ll battle me actually,’ Brawly laughed. ‘Makuhita, are you ready?’

    Riolu could sense that Maylene wanted to release all of her anger, and that he was the medium for her. Makuhita prepared to battle by punching the air. ‘Give your all, Maylene,’ Chuck said. ‘I want to see a real battle!’

    ‘Force Palm!’ Maylene commanded, catching Makuhita by surprise, and causing Brawly to react desperately.

    ‘Arm Thrust!’

    Riolu ran forward, preparing his palm for another attack, but Makuhita managed to avoid the attack by stepping slight to the right. He brought one palm forwards, hitting it against Riolu, and the second palm followed, causing Riolu to fall back a few paces to his right.

    ‘Try it again!’ Maylene ordered swiftly, catching the opponents by surprise again.

    This time, Riolu managed to hit. Makuhita’s body withstood the hit at first, but Riolu pushed his palm forwards, causing the attack to intense for a few more second before Makuhita was sent back a few paces as well.

    ‘Vital Throw!’

    ‘Quick Attack, Riolu!’

    The blue Pokémon used the experience he got from the running he did with Maylene as a tool to smash his body against Makuhita’s. The yellow Pokémon retaliated, and quickly punched Riolu’s head to cause him to fall to the ground, before punching his back again, causing Riolu to slam harder to the sand.

    ‘Arm Thrust again!’

    Maylene knew that it was dangerous, but she had to risk it to win. ‘Reversal!’ she ordered, and Riolu prepared his body through breathing heavily. Makuhita’s attack hurt Riolu greatly, who accepted the attack. The spots that Makuhita had attacked flowed a white colour. The energy moved towards Riolu’s fist, which began glowing brighter than any of his other attacks.

    He jumped forward and dug his fist into Makuhita’s body, whose mouth flew open to emit a painful sound, but failed. His heavy body fell to the ground, causing a loud thud and a cloud of sand to rise up before settling down. Riolu panted and smiled before looking at Maylene, who opened her arms to welcome Riolu. He ran forward and hugged his trainer.

    ‘I didn’t know you could make it through that one attack, but you did,’ she said. ‘I will never doubt you again.’

    ‘That was an excellent battle,’ Chuck stepped forward. His voice abandoned the tone it had, and was taken over by a more serious one. ‘I look forward to training you. You will fit in nicely with us.’

    Maylene grinned at Chuck as she sat on the ground with Riolu in her arms. ‘I’ll be Strongest than you when I leave.’
    Last edited by Kyuuketsuki; 10th October 2012 at 05:45 PM.

  3. #33
    ポケモン Tsutarja's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Good chapter. I don't have much to say on this one other than that I liked the short battle scenes. ^^

  4. #34
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Glad to see that you've liked it. The battles didn't really serve much purpose but show how Maylene changed, even though we never saw her battles before she changed but a brief ending of Crasher Wake winning.

  5. #35
    ポケモン Tsutarja's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    I have one nitpick, though.

    I don't know how to describe it, you introduce a character (Gardenia, Roark), but then we don't see much of them later. You rush onto next chapter to introduce some new ones - in this case, Brawly. Also, I need to complain about their personalities. Gardenia has a lot of personality, even Candice has personality but unlike them all others are just downright nice to Maylene.

    I think what I'm trying to say is, differentiate your characters. I'd like to see more in Brawly than just a helpful, nice guy. Or try that with Chuck, Maylene needs something like a bully or a rival. :|

  6. #36
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Well... These aren't as much spoilers as they are previews, though if you want it to be a surprise, don't open them.

    Chapter 5 spoiler and/or preview:


    In the upcoming few chapters:


    I didn't introduce the characters to throw them out, I do have plans for them. :P But I understand what you're saying.

    It's just a (bad?) habit of mine to want the reader to have the "Oh, I remember that character..." feel, which is why I give some important characters mere cameos or short appearances.

    But stay tuned, and hopefully you'll like what you get. :)

  7. #37
    ポケモン Tsutarja's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Alright, thanks for the spoilers! I'm sorry, I didn't you know you already planned something for them. ^^'

  8. #38
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    It's fine, I tend to make things too ambiguous... :P

  9. #39
    Registered User Ian D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    I spotted no errors this time around! Nice job.

    Cute chapter. Realistic to make Maylene feel homesick, a detail often overlooked in long trips from home. Plus she punched Chuck in the face.

    This chick got some balls, yo.

    Your battles are well written. Quick and snappy, like battles should be, and your characters actually feel emotion during them - it's not "Trainer ordered Attack! Pokemon used attack! Opposing Trainer ordered Attack! Opposing Pokemon used attack! Trainer Ordered Attack!, etc, etc".

    I'm really falling in love with your writing style, and falling deeper in love with this story.

    Update soon!


    Thanks to ShinySandshrew of serebiiforums for the banner!

  10. #40
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Quote Originally Posted by IanDonyer View Post
    I spotted no errors this time around! Nice job.
    Yay!!! :D

    Quote Originally Posted by IanDonyer View Post
    Cute chapter. Realistic to make Maylene feel homesick, a detail often overlooked in long trips from home. Plus she punched Chuck in the face.

    This chick got some balls, yo.
    I wasn't going to make her homesick at first, because I thought it was too soon, but I'm glad to see that it worked. That Chuck part was very fun to write :P.

    Quote Originally Posted by IanDonyer View Post
    Your battles are well written. Quick and snappy, like battles should be, and your characters actually feel emotion during them - it's not "Trainer ordered Attack! Pokemon used attack! Opposing Trainer ordered Attack! Opposing Pokemon used attack! Trainer Ordered Attack!, etc, etc".
    Thank you for the compliment. :) I try to make them realistic in the trainer's eyes.

    Quote Originally Posted by IanDonyer View Post
    I'm really falling in love with your writing style, and falling deeper in love with this story.

    Update soon!
    Thank you for reading and commenting!
    Last edited by Kyuuketsuki; 21st February 2011 at 03:18 PM.

  11. #41
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default §5: Start Swimming

    ‘Ok then…’ Candice stuttered. ‘T-Thank you ma’am.’

    She walked out of Maylene’s house, and Gardenia followed her. Even though she only knew her for a year, Candice was certain that Gardenia was holding back a gigantic rant about Maylene, who, as they have discovered, left for Johto without telling them. Gardenia was too experienced in the field that she knew they had to put a fair distance between them and the Gym before ranting away, as doing so just after the door was closed was not safe.

    Candice walked slowly; a desperate attempt for Gardenia to forget about that topic, but the latter responded by grabbing Candice’s hand and pacing away, dragging the resisting girl with her. The pair had reached the meteorites before Gardenia opened her mouth and let it all out.

    ‘She’s an idiot!’ she started. ‘How could she go to Johto without telling us?! Is she too good for us now?! Did that stupid region with their stupid ‘We’ll walk with Pokémon!’ policy seem more important than our superior Sinnoh?! At least we have a League! They’re so poor that they share theirs with Kanto, another disaster I tell you. Did you hear about the sissy Erika? A tragedy! I should go there and release all her tormented Pokémon. And don’t even get me started about Hoenn; those idiots with their idiotic ‘We’ll be one with nature!’ attitude. I know I’m supposed to like grass and all, but come on! Can’t they grow up instead of living on trees?’

    ‘Are you done?’ Candice sighed.

    ‘I’ll tell what I’m done with,’ Gardenia started again. ‘I’m done with that idiot girl and her ‘I will be an Aura Master!’ attitude. Johto are lucky if they know what aura is! Only we have a trainer who uses aura, those idiots probably don’t even have the education to know what it is. A punch of morons I tell you. Did you hear about their stupid Pokégear? Who needs radio? The world has MOVED ON! I’ll tell you what, I once saw this tour book, and in it was a picture of a monument, or a landmark, for Johto. It’s a burnt tower.’

    Gardenia stayed silent for a while, tapping her foot rapidly against the ground, and waiting for a response. ‘And what?’ Candice said and rolled her eyes.

    ‘And what?! I’ll tell you what. A burnt tower! Who keeps a burnt tower! ‘Oh look, we angered the rainbow clown bird and he burned out tower, we must keep it around cause we have bad memory’. At least we have something significant for a landmark. Mt. Coronet, that library thing somewhere, the temple in your snow land, the beacon. Do they have an underground? I DIDN’T THINK SO!’

    ‘I think they have a beacon as well, and it’s called a lighthouse,’ Candice said. ‘And we also have an abandoned building, remember? The one you were too scared to enter?’

    ‘It’s haunted!’

    Candice stood opposite Gardenia in silence for a few minutes as the latter kicked some stones every once in a while. ‘Did you let it out now?’ she asked and tilted her head.

    ‘We’re going to Johto.’

    *


    ‘I would like to visit Sinnoh sometime,’ Brawly said. ‘Do you know anything about Hoenn?’

    The pair was facing the waves as they clashed against the sands of the beach, while Riolu and Makuhita were in the water. Brawly had been trying to teach Maylene to surf, but she ended up breaking his surfboard. Their swimming suits were covered in sand and water, as well as their bodies.

    At first, Maylene felt awkward being next to a shirtless boy, but she eventually managed to adjust to the situation. ‘I know that you have water,’ Maylene said. ‘More than us. But I don’t know about Johto, since I didn’t see anything else.’

    ‘We do have a lot of water,’ Brawly laughed. ‘Which is great for surfing. Crasher Wake will love it if he sees it. But we also have Drake, one of the strongest Dragon Pokémon trainers. There is a Space Center in Mossdeep City, and I think there is one in Sinnoh near your city.’

    ‘We don’t have anything like that in Veilstone, but we do have meteorites,’ Maylene said. ‘We should go back to Chuck now and continue the training; I’m sure he wouldn’t want us taking a long break.’

    *


    Gardenia had dragged Candice to the beach of Sunyshore City, a very impressive city in the Sinnoh region. It was always busy, with tourists coming in and out, teenager girls hanging around the Gym in hopes of seeing the Gym Leader, but Gardenia had something else in her mind.

    ‘We can’t take a ship to Johto,’ Candice said. ‘We’re too young to be allowed on without parents. Besides, I don’t think any ship is leaving from here.’

    ‘We’re not taking a ship,’ Gardenia said. ‘We’re swimming!’

    Candice looked at Gardenia for a few seconds, slowly tilting her head. ‘You’re crazy, aren’t you?’ she said as her head shot back into place. ‘We can’t swim to Johto!’

    ‘I am swimming,’ Gardenia replied and pointed at herself with her thumb. ‘And if you don’t want to come with me to get Maylene back, then maybe you’re not a true friend.’

    ‘Fine,’ Candice took a few steps forwards untill her face was almost touching Gardenia. ‘You want to swim, swim. I am sick of you and everything you dragged me into this past year, and Maylene. I’m glad she’s gone actually, at least now you’re not around her anymore. I only put up with you because you helped Maylene sometimes, but not anymore. I have no reason to stay friends with you. You’re a horrible person. Swim on your own. I hope you never come back.’

    *


    There was a cave under construction on the west of Cianwood City. They have just begun digging, and are apparently planning on reaching the other side, where they have just discovered is not just sea. Maylene was grinning, thinking of all the possibilities. She could easily go to the other side and prepare a surprise for them. It could be a tribute to Gardenia, who she met exactly one year ago today.

    She walked towards the steep walls and started climbing. Riolu followed her closely, with a grin similar to Maylene’s on his face. The cliff was very slippery, and Maylene would occasionally slip, but she always managed to grab back onto the rocks before falling to the ground. The climb took a lot of her time, and when she reached the top, she was drenched in sweat.

    ‘What should we do, Riolu?’ she asked her Pokémon, who shook his head. ‘Gardenia would have had an idea by now. I wonder how everyone is doing back in Sinnoh. Now that I think about them, I regret leaving without telling them.’

    Maylene sighed and kicked a stone, and in the most comical way, started a chain reaction of small rocks hitting each other for a few seconds. Maylene grinned and sat on the ground, but the collision caused the small rocks to fall off of the edge. It was then that she realized that this formation was not stable.

    She could hear larger rocks colliding with the beach, and felt the earth shake beneath her. The formation tilted a little, and the sound of an avalanche was clearer. Her mind searched for the safest way down as soon as she got up, but she was unable to think clearly when her life was in danger. Before she knew it, the entire piece of land she was on fell to the opposite side of the edge she climbed, towards the water.

    Riolu tackled Maylene and held on to her. The pair flew away from the rock. She screamed for help, but her voice was drained away when her right shoulder scrapped against the wall of another formation. She winced in pain and tried to grab the wound.

    There was a large splash, followed by Maylene and Riolu falling into the water. The wave from the rock caused her to flip upside down, and the salty waters made her gasp as the wound ached her even more. She tried swimming out, but couldn’t operate her limps in her state of panic. The force of her body crashing into the surface left a pain that didn’t help.

    Riolu was just a few meters below her, and he was just as hopeless and she was. Her arms became weak, her wound stopped hurting her, and her entire body became still. She felt her body rising before she lost consciousness.

    *


    Canalave City held ‘that library thing’ that Gardenia had mentioned, which was called the ‘Canalave Library’.

    But Candice wasn’t interested in that. A boat was leaving to Johto soon, and that was the only thing that was important to Candice. She hated to admit it, but Gardenia was right; Maylene was irresponsible in going to Johto without telling them, and she was doing the same thing. No one knew that Candice planned on going to Johto, not even Gardenia. Just because Gardenia came up with the idea didn’t mean they had to go together.

    Roark was the only person that saw Candice in Canalave, and she covered her actions by lying and saying that she was here for the library. She felt bad about lying to him and about not being with him to support him. His father was selected as the replacement for the Canalave Gym Leader, and asked to pick his own replacement. Roark wanted to become a Gym Leader, but Byron chose someone named Riley, whose current whereabouts are unknown.

    She managed to sneak onto the ship, and his with the cargo. She hoped that Gardenia wouldn’t be able to sneak onto the ship as well, but couldn’t tell whether she was here or not; the places for hiding were varied.

    She heard the sound that indicated for everyone to climb aboard, and she gave out a sigh of relief. The ship began moving slowly, the sound of the bridge rising echoed in the small cargo chamber, it began picking up speed, and Candice prepared herself for whatever happens to her in Johto.

    Maylene had better have an explanation.
    Last edited by Kyuuketsuki; 10th October 2012 at 05:47 PM.

  12. #42
    ポケモン Tsutarja's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Nice chapter and I liked the change of scenes - I hope you do that more often.

    So both Candice and Gardenia go to Johto, huh? I do dislike the fact that Candice can't stand Gardenia, though I guess this just adds more to the mood of the entire story. Not everyone can be friends anyway. Though the chapter was a bit short, I generally like shorter chapters.

    Keep it up!

  13. #43
    Registered User Ian D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Gardenia's rant was hillarious! "That sissy Erika"! XD ROLLING. You captured what I think her personality is like PERFECTLY - she seems to be the type to SWIM to Johto instead of taking a friggin' boat like a nice, logical person.

    Candice is cool and logical too!

    Also I felt this:

    Riolu tackled Maylene and held on to her. The pair flew away from the rock. She screamed for help, but her voice was drained away when her right shoulder scrapped against the wall of another formation. She winced in pain and tried to grab the wound.

    There was a large splash, followed by Maylene and Riolu falling into the water. The wave from the rock caused her to flip upside down, and the salty waters made her gasp as the wound ached her even more. She tried swimming out, but couldn’t operate her limps in her state of panic. The force of her body crashing into the surface left a pain that didn’t help.
    through the computer again. Please don't ever cut her in half. D:


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  14. #44
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Barefoot, Fighting Genius!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsutarja View Post
    Nice chapter and I liked the change of scenes - I hope you do that more often.
    It will most likely happen whenever the main characters separate. It's mainly due to me not wanting Candice or Gardenia to magically appear in Johto with Maylene 3 chapters down the road, because that would just be cheap...

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsutarja View Post
    So both Candice and Gardenia go to Johto, huh? I do dislike the fact that Candice can't stand Gardenia, though I guess this just adds more to the mood of the entire story. Not everyone can be friends anyway. Though the chapter was a bit short, I generally like shorter chapters.
    This is mostly due to my own experiences. I'm very quiet and anti-social person, and then this loud person entered our circle of friends and well... He's their friend, but not mine. I felt it added a nice touch to the story since it is mostly about connections. But if Gardenia was real, would you be her friend? O.o

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsutarja View Post
    Keep it up!
    Thanks for commenting and reading!

    Quote Originally Posted by IanDonyer View Post
    Gardenia's rant was hillarious! "That sissy Erika"! XD ROLLING. You captured what I think her personality is like PERFECTLY - she seems to be the type to SWIM to Johto instead of taking a friggin' boat like a nice, logical person.

    Candice is cool and logical too!
    Glad to see that you like that rant. :P Gardenia is a crazy person, but I doubt she's going to swim to Johto...

    Quote Originally Posted by IanDonyer View Post
    Also I felt this:
    through the computer again. Please don't ever cut her in half. D:
    *plots something evil*

    Thank you both for reading and commenting! Hope you like the next chapter.

  15. #45
    ◓Gypsy Vanner Horse Kyuuketsuki's Avatar
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    Default §6: We’re Standing Firm!

    Maylene lay on the shore. She had become unconscious, but thankfully, her body flipped again, and she floated to safety. The rock that smashed against the water sent the waves that flipped her up and pushed her away, and the same thing happened to Riolu, although he stayed conscious and hung on to Maylene’s body.

    Chuck had been busy breaking a few rocks with Brawly, and they would occasionally find items that have been buried in the sand. The fact that Maylene was missing removed all the possibilities of her not being involved. Chuck was furious, and he called Crasher Wake back to Cianwood.

    It was a hunt for Maylene, who lay on the shore of the other side of the formation. Riolu was sitting by her, waiting for her to wake up, when a man approached them. He was shirtless, and wore a black belt that held his torn pants. He wore weights around his wrists and ankles, and his hair was dirty and long.

    Riolu didn’t trust the stranger, but he was Maylene’s only hope, so he allowed him to approach his unconscious trainer.

    ‘She’s the one that caused the avalanche,’ he said, as if ordering the truth to do as he commands. ‘You’re her Pokémon.’

    Riolu nodded. The man placed his palm against her chest, moved it to her left lung, and pressed slightly. His hand was focused on just one spot in her lung, and his press became harder before Maylene gasped for air, but coughed water.

    She coughed for what seemed like a minute. The man turned her to her side, as to keep her from swallowing the water again. ‘You’re alive,’ he said. ‘Now explain.’

    Maylene stared at the man for moments, trying to recognise him, but she neither saw her before, nor heard of someone that matches his description. ‘I’m Maylene,’ she said. ‘Who are you?’

    ‘It doesn’t matter,’ he said. ‘You’re the one that caused the avalanche, aren’t you?’

    ‘It was an accident.’

    The man stood up, and Maylene copied. She knew that it was hopeless for her; what she did was dangerous. Some could have gotten hurt, and no one will be pleased about it. They will probably try to kick her out of Johto. But her thoughts stopped when she was the man walking away from her, and a surprise came over her. She had thought that he would be the end of her time in Johto, but either way, she wasn’t going to let him just walk.

    ‘Hey, man!’ she called out to him, but he didn’t stop. ‘Don’t walk away!’

    But her kept walking. Maylene ran after him, and her presence was obviously known, as the man started talking.

    ‘I don’t mind what you did,’ he said. ‘It was dangerous, but I don’t care. This is my training area, but they want to use it for themselves. It was a secret. At least you slowed their progress until I find another spot.’

    Maylene was confused. How could he not care about the danger he caused? How is it possible for what happened to be good? She ran in front of him and stopped, which he did as well. They looked into each other’s eyes for seconds.

    ‘Someone could be hurt,’ she said. ‘You have to help them like you helped me.’

    ‘Out of my way, kid.’

    The man walked past her, and as he did, Maylene became more confused, and anger took over her. ‘Listen to me!’ she shouted before directing a fist towards the man, who responded like no one did.

    His left hand grabbed her fist, stopping her in midair, and his right hand formed into a fist that he dug into Maylene’s body. He didn’t care about the fact that she had just sustained an injury, or that she was a girl, or that she was a child. He punched with all of the force he could use to cause the most pain without killing her.

    Maylene coughed blood, but the man didn’t stop. He lowered his left hand, dragging Maylene along with it, and raised it behind Maylene’s back, effectively twisting her arm. Riolu tried to jump and help, but was kicked away violently. The man then smashed his left knee against her back, causing her to scream in pain, and drove her to the ground.

    Her body smashed against the sand and rocks. His arm still twisted, and the man’s knee still on her back, keeping her down. He used his right hand to grab her head and raise it, before smashing it against the ground. Just enough to haze her vision but not knock her out.

    ‘Don’t try that again,’ he said. ‘You won’t die, but you will be hurt for a long time.’

    She felt her body being released. As soon as her arm hit the ground, she winced in pain; it must be broken. Her whole body rose up a few centimeters when the man’s weight was lifted. Her vision returned to her, and she saw the ground right next to her, where Riolu landed once again; the man had kicked him off again.

    Riolu tried to attack the man again, but Maylene’s eyes told him not to before she drifted off into sleep. The pain wasn’t great, and it wasn’t enough to make her lose her consciousness again, but Maylene was tired. Her body was very strained, and she couldn’t find the energy to stay awake, so she fell asleep.

    *


    ‘Calm down, Chuck!’ Crasher Wake shouted. ‘We don’t know if she did this! And we still have to find her!’

    ‘She could have killed someone!’ Chuck responded angrily. ‘I am not training her anymore! What she did was reckless!’

    The men kept arguing about Maylene and forgot the world around them. At that moment, the girl was the most important person, and so far, the only suspect. She had to be found, but Crasher Wake and Chuck were too busy speculating on whether or not she was responsible for what happened.

    Crasher Wake refused to believe that she caused the avalanche, and believed that she was the one most hurt by it, which is why she was missing. He knew Maylene his whole life, and concluded that she was not the type to cause such a thing then run away and hide. To him, Maylene was a noble human who would never flee.

    ‘She did it!’ Chuck insisted. ‘If she didn’t, then she would be here now! I should have never trained her! When we find her, she goes back to Sinnoh!’

    Brawly listened to their argument outside the Gym, with Makuhita by his side, pulling him away from the Gym to no avail. He believed that Maylene caused the avalanche, but it was no reason to kick her out of Johto. His reasoning was simple; if she could break a surfboard easily, then she is capable of causing an avalanche in the formation that was hit many times by the water, and had a construction hole in the center.

    Brawly felt a tug that wasn’t Makuhita’s. He turned around and looked down to see Riolu. ‘Where is Maylene?’ he asked the Pokémon, who responded by pointing at the opposite side of the sea. He was breathing heavily, and seemed to be about to collapse.

    Brawly didn’t know where to go exactly, but there was a chance to stop the two men from arguing. He ran towards the southeast of Cianwood City and dived into the water. He began circling around to go wherever Riolu was pointing when Crasher Wake passed him on Floatzel.

    ‘You don’t get to run off to play the hero, kid,’ he said. ‘Hang on to Floatzel.’

    Holding on to Crasher Wake was Riolu, who told the man to swim out to Maylene. Brawly held on to Floatzel and tried to avoid his spinning tails. They seemed to go at an amazing speed, and Brawly struggled to hold on. The water got into his nostrils and ears, his eyes were closed, and his clothes became heavy. It was unbearable, but it soon stopped when they reached a piece of land.

    ‘Maylene!’ Crasher Wake shouted, and Riolu pointed in a specific direction. Crasher Wake ran forward with Riolu in his arms, while Brawly stayed back with Floatzel; he was too tired of being dragged around to follow.

    The pair spotted Maylene on the ground, and Crasher Wake dropped Riolu without care for the Pokémon. He picked up Maylene and ran back towards Floatzel. He passed Riolu, who grabbed the trainer’s left leg, as he was too weak to run behind him. They reached Floatzel, and he prepared to swim off again. Brawly climbed on behind Crasher Wake, and Riolu climbed onto his arms.

    Floatzel didn’t find it difficult to carry the ground back to Cianwood City, which Brawly found surprising; Crasher Wake must have spent a lot of time training the Pokémon. He occasionally glanced at Maylene, who was held very carefully in Crasher Wake’s arm, peaceful-looking and safe.

    *


    The man sat on the edge of a cave many meters above the water. He watched as Crasher Wake carried Maylene off into the distance. He recognised the large body and the Riolu that he kicked a couple of times earlier. His guard was finally over. Now that someone has carried her to safety, he can leave his watch point. The girl was brave for trying to punch him, but also stupid. She obviously didn’t know who he was, evident by her actions and questions, and he regretted abusing his ambiguity to damage her without any consequences, but at the same time, he was glad that he did so. He will meet her again, and he couldn’t wait for it; there was no doubt that she would advance quickly and become an actual figure in this world.
    Last edited by Kyuuketsuki; 10th October 2012 at 05:47 PM.

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