MATURE: Bad Kids //004. The Oddly Appearing Audino

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    Fiery Dancer Laterna's Avatar
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    Default Bad Kids //004. The Oddly Appearing Audino

    First post is an index post. Will update this consistently throughout the run of this fic.

    Just as a short summary, this journey fic is a bit of a twist on the regular Black and White game storyline, featuring the majority of the same characters from the games. However, other characters will be featured and the plot is altered from that of the games, so it's not gonna be a simple re-interpretation of events.
    I've listed it as mature as it does contain some adult themes from early on in the fic that may be unsuitable for younger readers. I will also warn people now that homosexuality will be one of the themes explored in this fic, among other themes, so no complaining when it comes round to that please.

    Now, without further ado, here is a short chapter listing:

    BAD KIDS
    Ch. 001 ~ The Start of Something Big
    Ch. 002 ~ Catch That Patrat!
    Ch. 003 ~ Basic Accumulation
    Ch. 004 ~ The Oddly Appearing Audino
    Ch. 005 ~ What the Wynaut?!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Just as a random point of trivia ~ the title of this fic "Bad Kids" comes from the Lady Gaga song of the same name, which gave me the inspiration for the main characters personal backgrounds.
    Last edited by Laterna; 21st June 2012 at 10:11 AM.

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    Fiery Dancer Laterna's Avatar
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    Default Chapter 01 - The Start of Something Big

    001. The Start of Something Big

    Six bad apples. Rotten. To the core. Their normal succulent red tainted to an unnatural dirty brown. Nothing left to do but to toss them away...


    A soft wind blew through the silent fields just outside of Nuvema Town, the tiny blades of grass moving gently out of its way. The wind brought a smell like sewage. The stench wafted its way through the quiet streets of the town, clinging to the soft stone walls. By morning, these streets would be filled with moaning townsfolk as they gossiped about what the stink could be from. Still travelling, the wind ferried the sewage smell all the way through the little town to a large building situated on a hill just at the other edge of town. This building was unique to the town as it looked rather haphazardly built, continuously with new parts added every decade or so. Old and new mixed together as newer materials and construction techniques brought new rooms. The building was once owned by Professor Cedric Juniper, but was now under the care of his daughter Professor Aurea Juniper.
    A slender but toned woman in her thirties, Professor Juniper was sitting at her desk in her highly organised office working away as usual. The only thing out of place was the half-eaten ham sandwich sitting on the desk next to her computer, but the open window kept the air fresh. She sat motionless since lunchtime, working away, getting everything ready for the three trainers coming to see her the next day. Suddenly, there was a motion that darted through her whole body – a twitch of the nose, a glance from her emerald eyes, her bare legs uncrossing. What was it? Professor Juniper stopped working and removed her hands from the keyboard. She raised her head and sniffed the air, her light brown hair shuffling slighting as she scanned the area. She looked around the room, peered beyond the computer screen to the window, then a close-up sniff of the sandwich.


    “Nope,” she whispered to herself. “Not that.”


    Not content to work with such a powerful odour stealing her attention, Professor Juniper rose from her seat and approached the open window. Pulling her long white lab-coat out of the way as she leaned out the window, Juniper took a deep whiff of the air.


    “Ugh!” She gagged and quickly pulled her head in and slammed the window shut.


    Holding her hand over her mouth and nose, Juniper turned away from the window briefly and then back to it. Slowly, she lowered her hand down to her side and adjusted her mint green skirt, which had gotten twisted as she lunged away from the window. Taking a deep breath of appropriate breathing air, Juniper approached the window again and open it a crack. She lowered herself down to the level of the crack and took in a short sniff and then slammed it shut again. It didn't take long now for her to determine that it was sewage.


    “Where could that be coming from?” Juniper paused and asked herself.


    For a moment, it troubled her. Just a moment. Quickly, her attention returned to the work that needed to be completed for the next day. Three trainers were coming to pick up their starter Pokémon. However, these were not ordinary trainers. For some reason, their parents had never allowed them to start their journeys at the standard age of ten years old. Juniper was especially interested in meeting them to figure out why they had waited so long. Although, that had meant a hell of a lot more paperwork for her to do in order to get them certified and whatnot to go on whatever quest they chose to partake in. Juniper was not especially interested in such tedious paperwork when she could have spent her day studying the origins of Pokémon.


    “Maybe that stench signifies a new Pokémon in the local area?” Juniper mused for a moment.


    But... back to work. Within moments, Professor Juniper's head was back glued to her screen, her fingers rattling across the keys ferociously.


    Because that's what you would do with a bad kid, the proverbial bad apple. When they become too much of a problem, too much to handle for the parent. Throw them away. Kick them out...


    Meet Hilda. Hilda didn't really notice the stench in the street as she crawled in to her parents house at three in the morning. Her bare knees were scraped from crawling up the garden path too. Still, it wasn't all bad – having her hair messily tied up above her head prevented the vomit getting into it. However, it was still dribbling down her chin. Guess that's what a sixteen-year-old gets for having a few drinks in the park. Although, normally she manages... must be that sickening sewage smell that is upsetting her stomach. Hilda crawled her way through the open hallway, the floral patterned wallpaper that made her blue eyes hurt. Eventually she reached the stairs, she slowly started up them, the cold hardwood floors pained her hands and knees further.


    “Oh for heaven's sakes!” A gruff and grumpy manly man voice huffed from the top of the stairs.


    Upon looking up, Hilda could make out two shapes standing at the top of the stairs. Squinting to be sure, it wasn't long before she realised that they were both her father. In her slightly incapacitated state, Hilda found this incredibly hysterical and rolled onto her back on the stairs cackling away.


    “What are we going to do with you?” He griped as he dumped down the wooden stairs heavily to his daughter. He grabbed her up in his arms, shook her a bit and lifted her up to her bed. All the while, he continued to shout at her, “what is wrong with you? What did we do to deserve a daughter like you? Thank goodness you are going away tomorrow...”


    Lying safely in her bed, still fully dressed in her streetly garb, Hilda carried on giggling away as her father stormed out the room. She could hear him still beyond the door, ranting at her mother about their stupid bad kid. Eventually, their bedroom door slammed shut and her father's shouting became nothing more than muffled moans. Hilda stopped laughing. Instead, she knelt up on her single bed and peered out the window. She looked across the street at her best friend Hilbert's house, whose bedroom light was switched off. In the reflection of her window, Hilda could see the rest of her room – a junkyard, with old clothes and random crap strewn across the lilac carpet floor, the untidy wooden shelves filled with various DVDs and CDs. Not that she could really identify what anything was. Truth was, Hilda couldn't care less about her life in Nuvema Town. For the last six years she had been stuck. Trapped. Not that she really minded, it was her own choice. Truth was, her best friend Hilbert hadn't been allowed to go on his Pokémon journey when he was ten and Hilda had out-right refused to leave without him. Why she had trapped herself like that, she couldn't really understand. It would've been easier on her and her parents if she had just left and grown up properly like all the other normal kids. Instead, she stayed home, became restless under her parents constant rule and began acting out. That's when the drinking began.


    “Am I a bad kid?” Hilda asked her reflection in the mirror with tear-filled eyes. “Just because I wouldn't leave my friend behind?”


    With no answer from her reflection, Hilda sighed and lay back down on her bed. Before she knew it, Hilda had fallen asleep...


    But then there are exceptions to the rules. Some kids are so bad that the parents feel a need to hold on to them. To make them right and protect the world from their madness...


    Meet Hilbert. Hilbert follows the rules. He is home by ten o'clock every evening as per his parents curfew. He wakes up early, he goes to school, does well in all his subjects, comes home, has dinner, eats his greens, goes out, is home by curfew and doesn't stay up late. What makes him a bad kid you ask? Well, Hilbert has what his parents refer to as a sinful soul. He has the devil himself inside of him!


    “Tell me where you were!” A man's voice boomed from the upstairs bathroom.


    Hilbert's mother couldn't bear to listen to it anymore and so had retired to the front porch for a nightcap to help her sleep. They wouldn't be much longer – her husband would soon tire of Hilbert's games and they would be snuggled up in bed by eleven. Glancing at her gold watch, ten-thirty, she sighed. Not long now.


    “Answer me!” Her husband yelled again.


    She could just picture them up there in the bathroom... Hilbert staring at himself in the mirror, her husband behind him with one hand on the back of their son's neck. Her husband liked to use the larger upstairs bathroom for this kind of interrogation as the acoustics in there were great for amplifying his voice. The perfect white-wash tiles help reflect and echo his voice, while all the metal fixtures helped to keep it contain within the room... mostly. And he would shout and shout and shout at that boy. And, as usual, Hilbert would stand there in silence, just staring at himself. Looking deeply at the shame in his brown eyes, she imagined. She took a swig of her Petrus Pomerol, not her favourite wine but she was cutting back this year to help afford a three week cruise of the Sevii Islands. Smack! Suddenly her attention was drawn back up the bathroom. It was rare that Hilbert got smacked, but it must've meant that he was being persistent with his silence this evening.


    “I am not gonna ask you again boy!” Hilbert's father roared.


    Silence. Another glance at her watch – ten fifty. Quickly, Hilbert's mother guzzled the rest of her expensive merlot and rushed into the kitchen. She washed out the glass, but the wine back in the fridge and made her way upstairs. She walked slowly up the wooden steps, her high-heeled glass slippers clanking their way to alert her husband that time was up. As she approached the top, Hilbert emerged from the bathroom with a wild fire of rage in his eyes, fuelled by tears of guilt, she presumed. He stormed into his bedroom while his mother greeted her valiant husband, who had managed to chase the devil out of their son once again.


    “Oh my!” She gasped to her husband. “So angry at himself, more-so than normal.”


    Together, her and her husband made their way to their own plush pink bedroom. It was adorned with all manner of useless trinkets and accessories that made it more hassle to manoeuvre in than anything else.


    “I am so happy that you have fixed him once again,” she praised her hero.


    “Sometimes all it takes is a swift smack,” he husband gleamed proudly. “That'll teach how much it hurts to take it on the ass!” He gloated loudly enough for Hilbert to hear him.


    Hilbert, lay in his bed, alone, couldn't understand what was wrong with him. He was home by ten o'clock, he had done all his chores for the day, he was passing all his classes.


    “All I did was look,” he whispered to himself as silent tears rolled down his soft cheeks. “I didn't do anything wrong. It's not wrong to look.” He kept repeating to himself as he did every night.


    It took him a long time, with all the misguided thoughts clouding his brain, but eventually he fell asleep...


    Acting out and breaking rules makes a kid a bad kid. Having a sinful soul and being weak makes a kid a bad kid. Are they bad kids? Or are they misunderstood, living in the wrong place in the wrong time?


    Morning had finally arrived in Nuvema Town, the sun gracing the streets with its glorious presence. At least, that's how it felt to Hilda and Hilbert as they made their way up the lonely hill to the haphazard lab sitting at the top. Opening the red house-like door, they found an inside that was surprisingly modern and tidy. Various beeping machines lined the walls, with their flashing lights dancing about in sync like a heavily regimented disco. Various busybodies in labcoats darted back and forth from machine to machine, pressing buttons that made a noise sound or a light change. To Hilda and Hilbert, it all seemed like they were making it up as they went along. At the very end of this crazily organised display was a large round machine with three red-and-white orbs placed within it. Standing next to it was a very tired woman with very tidy hair and a nice crisp clothes. She looked very important and well-kept. However, the smell coming off her told another story. Quietly, Hilda and Hilbert placed their bags at the door and approached the woman.


    “Good morning,” the woman beamed at the two fresh-faced trainers. “I am Professor Juniper.”


    “Hi, I'm Hilda. What's that smell?” Hilda gagged, her hangover clearly showing in the croakiness of her voice. “Oh, this is Hilbert by the way.”


    “Uh...” Professor Juniper paused, not wanting to tell them the truth. “I've been investigating that mysterious stench that has wafted its way into town.” She lied.


    Truth was, the Professor had been up all night doing prep-work for their arrival and had not yet showered and cleaned her clothes. In fact, she was so in haste the previous evening that, somehow, the half-eaten sandwich had dropped on to her white shirt and stained it. The shirt was now marked forever with the stench, hence the closed labcoat look the Professor was sporting that morning.


    “Cool,” Hilda nodded, not really caring. “So...” her attention turning to the Pokéballs.


    “Ah, yes, right!” The Professor exclaimed. “Although, we are still missing someone.”


    Hilda and Hilbert looked at each other, smiled and sighed. They knew fine well who was missing and knew that this individual would be late as always.


    “Oh, don't worry about her,” Hilda sneered, “she be along... eventually!” Hilda began to giggle at herself.


    The Professor looked at her, bewildered by her rather nastily nonchalant nature. Before she could comment on this, Hilbert's voice suddenly sounded:


    “Seriously Professor,” he spoke more politely, “Bianca is always late, but she will be here – she wouldn't miss this for the world.”


    Feeling a little bit more reassured, the Professor turned her attention to the Pokéballs sitting within the machine.


    “Well, seeing since the majority of you are here,” she smiled, picking up one of them, “how about we begin the introductions?”


    “Alright!” Hilda cheered.


    “Yes please,” Hilbert nodded softly.


    With that, Professor Juniper picked up the first tiny orb. By pressing the button at the middle of the front of the ball, she made it expand! Hilda and Hilbert looked on in absolute awe. With very little effort, the Professor tossed the ball above their heads. It opened right about them and the white and blue crystal-like energy swirled around them and onto the lino floor of the lab behind them. The energy began to take shape, stretching out to form a short but slender body. At the top, a large angular-nosed head popped out of the body, with tiny arms and legs forming next. As the Pokémon began to stand properly on its own and rise up slightly, a long tail sprouted with a three-pronged leaf at its tip. With that, a yellow ivy-like collar wrapped around its neck and shades of green and cream flooded its surface. Fully formed, it lifted its head and opened its piercing red eyes.


    “Snivy!” It called out and formed a dynamic pose, like a fashion model.


    “Wow!” Hilda gasped as she studied the Pokémon. “No need to show me the rest Prof!” She turned to Juniper. “I got my Pokémon right there!” Hilda turned and winked at the grass snake Pokémon, who winked back in return.


    “Well,” Professor Juniper sighed, “just wait until you see the others first.”


    The Professor picked up the second ball, expanded it and tossed it into the air just as with the first one. This energy flow came out in what could only be described as a bounce and landed on the lab floor next to Snivy with a thud. It seemed to wriggle out as its rounded body took shape and four stoutly legs popped into existence. As it jiggled, a spring-like tail with a ball on the end twanged out of one end. While, at the other end, its head took shape with a cute little snout blowing out flames as it formed. As it began to take full shape, its eyes opened with a fright and two tufty ears sprung from its head. It shut its wide white eyes tight and shuddered as the oranges, yellows and browns began to spark their way onto its body. Once it was done, it opened its eyes, looked at its reflection in the lino floor and sighed in relief.


    “Tepig!” It suddenly blurted out as flames snorted from its snout once again. It glanced around in shock by this.


    “What a cutie,” Hilbert's eyes glistened. “I think I know who I'm choosing too!” He gasped as the Tepig ran up and brushed itself against his grey trousers.


    “Well,” Professor Juniper laughed out nervously, “we still do have one more to go.”


    Just as she picked up the last Pokéball, the red door swung open and a shrill voice began to cry out:


    “Wait for me! Wait for me! Wait for me!”


    Bounding towards them was a disastrously dressed young woman, wearing a mash-up of green, orange and white. As she ran towards them with her eyes shut, Professor Juniper couldn't help but notice that the girl had her orange vest on backwards. The Professor wondered if she had gotten dressed with her eyes shut too.


    Panting, the girl gasped out, “hi... I'm... Bianca...” and stretched out a hand to the Professor.


    Professor Juniper took it and shook gently.


    “Good morning, Bianca,” Juniper smiled affectionately, “I had no doubt you would arrive soon enough,” she said as she chanced a glance at a giggling Hilda and Hilbert.


    “I'm... sorry... I... slept... in...” Bianca continued to gulp for breath, finally letting go of the Professor's hand.


    “Well,” Juniper shuffled nervously, “why don't you take a moment and collect yourself while I let out the last Pokémon?”


    “Good... idea...” Bianca huffed and collapsed to her knees.


    At last, Professor Juniper picked up the last of the three Pokéballs. Once again, she pressed the button to expand, but this time kept it in her hand as she opened it. More gently than the others, the blue and white crystal-like energy seeped softly into a cradle formed by the Professor's other arm. A dumpy little body began to form, with a wide ovaled head nuzzled downwards into Juniper's labcoat. Two short arms slid out and squeezed into the fabric tightly as the flipper-like feet and tail came out of the bottom. At its head, two pointed protrusions and a big round nose slopped out. All the while, colour gently faded into the body from some unseen core of the energy – whites and blues eased in and the Pokémon suddenly came to life. Although... its eyes were shut and it was clearly sleeping!


    “That one will do Bianca!” Hilda burst into laughter.


    This caught Bianca's attention and she looked up at the snoozing Pokémon. Her eyes filled with happiness as she gazed upon its gentle form.


    “Oh my!” Bianca exclaimed as she softly approached. “It's so adorable.” Bianca reached out her arms and the Professor handed the Pokémon over. “Oh my,” Bianca whispered to herself as the sea otter Pokémon cuddled into her back-to-front vest.


    “Oshawott,” it breathed out as it slowly opened its eyes and took a look around. Seeing the sharp metallic colours, the clinical nature of the lad, it cuddled its way into Bianca's vest closer.


    “Oh my,” Bianca whispered as she cradled it, “there there dear, it's okay, there there...” Bianca gently rocked the Pokémon back and forth in her arms, ushering it back into its deep sleep.


    “Well,” Professor Juniper said more quietly than normal, “I guess that settles it.”


    She turned and walked away to the back of her lab and brought out three tiny red machines. The Professor handed one to Hilda, as well as Snivy's Pokéball.


    “Hilda, you'll be taking Snivy,” the Professor explained. “Snivy is a grass type Pokémon, it is cool, calm and collected and uses photosynthesis to gather energy through its tail.” Juniper then added, “also, Snivy is a girl.”


    “Awesome,” Hilda's eyes gleamed with excitement as she received the Pokéball and Pokédex.


    “Hilbert, you'll be taking Tepig, a boy like you,” Juniper turned her attention to the Hilbert “Tepig is a fire pig Pokémon that shots flames from its mouth. However,” she cautioned, “if it ever shoots out smoke, take it to a Pokémon Centre straight away as that means it's sick.”


    “Thank you Professor Juniper,” Hilbert nodded politely as he took the Pokéball and Pokédex from her.


    “And Bianca, last but certainly not least,” Professor Juniper smiled at the late girl. “You'll be taking Oshawott, a water type Pokémon, who is also a boy. It attacks and defends using that scalchop on its stomach, so make sure it doesn't lose it.”


    “I'll be careful,” Bianca struggled to carry the Pokéball, Pokédex and the Pokémon all at once, “you can count on me!” She cried confidently as she dropped everything.


    Sharply, two lithe vines shot out from under Snivy's yellow collar and caught the falling Pokéball and Pokédex. The dumpy Tepig also pitched in and trotted round quickly, positioning itself just under Oshawott. Tepig used its plump frame to bounce Oshawott back up, allowing Bianca to scoop it back into her arms.


    “I'm sorry sweetheart,” Bianca cooed as she rocked the Pokémon back to sleep once more.


    “Here,” Professor Juniper smiled weakly, “let me help you.” The Professor took the Pokéball and Pokédex from Snivy and placed them into Bianca's green bag. “You should all be on your way.”


    “Right,” Hilda said with confidence. Holding up Snivy's Pokéball, she called out, “Snivy – return!” A red beam of light shot out of the Pokéballs core, engulfed Snivy and pulled it back inside. The ball return to its smaller size and Hilda attached it to her belt.


    “Let's go then,” Hilbert grinned and held up Tepig's Pokéball. “Nice to meet you, now return!” A similar beam of red light shot out of this ball too and pulled Tepig back into it.


    “I think I'll let mine stay out for a little while,” Bianca looked down at Oshawott with mothering eyes, “I don't want to disturb his sleep.”


    “Very well,” Professor Juniper waved as they all made their way to the front door. “Good luck to you all and please keep in touch!”


    “We will!” Hilda shouted behind her.


    “Thank you Professor!” Hilbert called and waved back.


    “Speak to you soon!” Bianca skipped down towards the door.


    Maybe this will be their escape. A way out of that wrong place and time. Maybe they will find something bigger and better to be a part of. Or maybe... maybe they're just going to get into even more trouble...


    Standing on a hill overlooking Nuvema Town, a young man wearing slim black jeans and a blue jacket looked down across the town with a tiny grey bird Pokémon resting on his shoulder. He scanned the town and watched as three figures left Professor Juniper's lab. One of them ran off on their own, a blonde female, back into the main town, presumably going home. The other two, both a boy and a girl, travelled together. They were heading north towards Accumula Town. The young man pushed up his thin-framed glasses and observed the direction of his new rival trainers.


    Elsewhere, a slim young man wandered through a forest near Nuvema Town. He walked slowly, with a leaf-covered caterpillar-like Pokémon waddling along at his feet. Suddenly, he stopped – they had reached the edge of the forest and were now staring straight down the centre street of Nuvema Town. The Pokémon nudged the trainer at the base of red denim covered legs. Together, they began to make their way into the town.


    And on another front, a slightly older and taller young man wandered the empty streets of Accumula Town, waiting for life to hit the morning streets. He wandered unnoticed, with a sly purple cat slinking in the shadows of the buildings next to him. In complete sync, the scanned the town and found an out-of-the-way little alley spot where they could remain hidden until their targets arrived...

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Get ready for Chapter 002 ~ Catch That Patrat!!
    Last edited by Laterna; 28th May 2012 at 11:20 AM.

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    Smiling Ampharos Mokoko's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Kids

    First of all I'd like to say that you've done a good job with this Fic. I like how real it seems. Obviously as far as the animé goes everything is perfect perfect and no one really has those kinda of problems. But you give the story that well needed mature kick that it needs to appeal to people of a maturer mindset, and obviously those that prefer the realism.

    First or all I would like to point out some errors that I have noticed. These do not necessarily need changed, it is always up to the author.

    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna
    Taking a deep breath of appropriated breathing air,
    "appropriated" would work better as appropriate. I know you are writing in past tense but not every word that can had an "-ed" ending should have one.

    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna
    the floral patterned wallpaper making her blue eyes hurt.
    "making" is norally a present tense word. Perhaps it should be changed to:
    the floral pattern that made her blue eyes hurt

    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna
    Eventually reaching the stairs, she slowly started up them, the cold hardwood floors hurting her hands and knees further.
    Possibly another tense problem here. Consider changing it to something like this:
    Eventually she reached the stairs and slowly stared up them, the cold hardwood floors hurt her hands and knees further.
    "hurting" here is taken as a present tense word, while opting for "hurt" can denote either past tense, future or conditional.

    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna
    *he continued to shout at her, “what is wrong with you?
    "what" needs a capital as your last part of dialogue ended with a question mark denoting the end of a sentence or in this case, question.

    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna
    And, as usual, Hilbert would stand there in silence,
    Starting a sentence with "And" is usually not the way to go, but, I suppose in creative writing it is different.
    Consider changing "would stand" to: stood - denoting a past tense action instead of a supposed action.

    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna
    “That'll teach how much it hurts to take it on the ass!”*
    "on the ass"? assume you mean "in the ass" or "up the ass". Supposing that Hilbert is homosexual and his father doesn't agree as resorts to "fixing" him.

    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna
    One of them ran of on their own
    Missing an "f" at the end of "of".

    As I said before I love the realism and the harshness of this story even if it is only the one chapter so far. Also wondering how the smell of the sewage got through the town. I like Juniper's reaction.
    Usually with stories like this I imagine them as episodes, but I can't help but imagine it with real people. Possibly just the way you've written it.

    Juniper has been written well and I couldn't help but laugh with her there in her stained clothes with Hilda an Hilbert wondering what the smell was. With the sight addition of Bianca I just found it all hilarious, especially with Bianca. Which means that the characters that were meant to have a humorous tone were put across well.

    Can I also presume that the three in waiting are Cheren, N and Burgh?

    I'm not really sure I liked that there was a sewage smell and no proper cause unless some with Trubbish and Garbador got free from somewhere. That was the only bad part.

    Looking forward to chapter 2.
    Laterna likes this.
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    Fiery Dancer Laterna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Kids

    Thank you very much for pointing out my tense issues - I tend to make errors like that quite often while I’m writing, so I’m constantly going back and double-checking my tenses - guess I must’ve missed those ones. I have augmented the chapter to correct the errors that I agree are errors, below are the ones I do not agree with, but to each his own opinion.


    Quote Originally Posted by Mokoko
    "what" needs a capital as your last part of dialogue ended with a question mark denoting the end of a sentence or in this case, question.



    Actually it doesn’t - it is not the question mark at the end that denotes whether it requires a capital letter or not, it is what precedes it. In this case, it is preceded by a comma so it does not require a capital letter. If it had been preceded by a full-stop it would have required a capital letter. The start of the sentence is the word “All”, which is capitalised.


    Quote Originally Posted by Mokoko
    Starting a sentence with "And" is usually not the way to go, but, I suppose in creative writing it is different.



    The rule of not starting a sentence with a conjunction like “and” is no longer a widely enforced rule and is actually quite encouraged if used in moderation and appropriately - it can make sentences very choppy, which was useful for this section of the text.


    Quote Originally Posted by Mokoko
    "on the ass"? assume you mean "in the ass" or "up the ass". Supposing that Hilbert is homosexual and his father doesn't agree as resorts to "fixing" him.



    I know - he meant to say “on the ass”. As a little extra explanation, his father does not want to assume any such thing about his son so directly, nor does he wish to say that actual more correct terminology due to his own insecurities.


    I’m glad that I was able to write Juniper and Bianca well. I was really worried that I had done a poor job with them, especially Juniper. I really loved writing both of them though, so much so that I have decided to give them a part in an upcoming chapter that they weren’t originally in.
    I left the sewage smell as a hanging thread on purpose for now - you will have to keep reading to find out where it’s going.


    Thank you for the praise - I’m normally not so good with characters and, I know from reading your fic that you are, so I am glad that I got that part down quite well.


    Chapter two might actually be up tonight - I seem to be on a writing roll at the moment and I am loving it! See you then, hopefully!!
    Last edited by Laterna; 28th May 2012 at 11:16 AM.

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    ポケモン Tsutarja's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Kids

    I can already tell this will take on a more mature approach, I'm looking forward to seeing how this develops.

    Hilda and Hilbert are both unique characters, or, should I say - unique interpretations of the protagonists. Each of them, including Bianca (if you follow her in-game storyline), seem to have a problem with their parents, though I feel quite bad for Hilbert. But, seeing how he sneaked out of the house despite following rules his entire life makes me hopeful about the relationship he shares with Hilda, they seem to be quite close and I'm looking forward to seeing how you'll handle their interactions.

    The stench is intriguing, actually, it was a cool and unique way in making your introduction to the story - I think it worked perfectly and will serve as an important plot-point later on, though I'm only speculating at the moment.

    Indeed, I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Nice job!
    Laterna likes this.

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    Fiery Dancer Laterna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Kids

    Thank you Tsutarja for your kind words - they are much appreciated. I am glad that the characters came across well, character writing is not exactly a strong point of mine as I tend to focus more on the development of plot-driven aspects. I am also happy that you picked up on that parental aspect, especially in relation to Bianca considering that she did not have an introductory segment like Hilda and Hilbert did.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsutarja View Post
    The stench is intriguing, actually, it was a cool and unique way in making your introduction to the story - I think it worked perfectly and will serve as an important plot-point later on, though I'm only speculating at the moment.
    I have to admit - I had so much trouble with working out how to open this chapter. Beginnings of the first chapter, in my opinion, is always the most difficult part to write as it sets up the tone and standard for the whole piece - if this part is flawed in any way, it can really impact whether or not someone reads on. I am glad that both you and Mokoko noticed the importance of it and I am relieved that I opted to go with that as my opener.

    Thank you once again for your kind words and encouragement.

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    Fiery Dancer Laterna's Avatar
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    Default Chapter 02 - Catch That Patrat!

    002. Catch That Patrat!

    A tree-lined dirt road roamed its way through the thin grass of Route One. The trunks were thick and the trees densely packed together, leaving not much room to move around between them. There was only one way to go: the path that led directly to Accumula Town, save for one slight curve. The dirt of the path crunched beneath Hilbert’s red trainers as he, along with his best friend Hilda, made their way to the town at the end of this path. Hilda was walking on the grass, which was squelching underneath her black boots. The pair walked in absolute silence, which had been lingering for a while.


    “Must have been some rain here recently,” Hilbert said, attempting to fill the silence.


    Hilda did not respond and they continued to walk in silence. The only noises apart from the crunching and squelching were the rustling of leaves by the wind and tiny chirps and trills of wild Pokémon hiding throughout the route. One could guess that the small spaces in-between the tight trees were ideal for small Pokémon to live in. It had been six hours since the new trainers had left Professor Juniper’s lab that morning. They had charged on ahead together after picking up some Pokéballs. Where Bianca went, they did not know. Not that it really mattered as they weren’t terribly close to her. Hilda and Hilbert had previously made plans to travel on this journey together, while Bianca had made the decision to go solo. However, the silence was unnerving them both as they had known each other a long time, had been best friends for years and it was not very often that there was silence between them. This was the first time that they had ever left home and were in full-on proper company twenty-four hours a day. And, so far, it was far too quiet and had been ever since they stepped out of the town.


    Hilbert sighed and he stopped walking, the silence getting the better of him, “we seem to have hit a wall“.


    “Huh?” Hilda stopped, turned and looked all around her. “I don’t see any wall.” She shook her head and shrugged, staring at her friend intently.


    “I meant metaphorically,” Hilbert mused.


    He moved himself closer to remove the physical distance between them, as Hilda mouthed to herself “meta-what?”


    Hilbert explained, “we’ve known each other forever, you’re my best friend… this should be really fun,” he paused. “So why are we walking so distantly and in silence?”


    Hilda shrugged again and looked down at the grass at her feet. “I guess I just don’t know what to say…” she paused. “For once,” and then chuckled.


    Hilbert smiled at this, “guess we just need to get used to this change is all.”


    Looking straight down the dirt path, it turned itself off to the left and preventing Hilbert from seeing beyond it. Hilbert spun himself backwards on his heel and looked at Nuvema Town, which was still quite near but hazy in the distance. He couldn’t help but notice that they had not yet encountered any wild Pokémon at all. Sure, they could hear them in amongst the crowded trees, but none had made themselves visible. However, he also observed that the stretch between Nuvema Town and this corner had very little long grass. The main stretch of the route was very exposed so it was logical to conclude that there wouldn’t be many wild Pokémon spotted here. Hilbert also considered that, because as humans they were so big, that any small wild Pokémon would probably be pretty afraid of them.


    “Once we turn that corner,” Hilbert turned to face north once again, “we won’t be able to see home anymore.”


    “Yeah,” Hilda looked at both sides too. “No going back really after this corner…” she looked deeply into her friend’s eyes. “You ready for this?”


    Hilbert took a moment to reply, taking in one final sight of home. He squinted and strained his eyes, trying to make out the fuzzy shapes of the buildings that were still visible. His thoughts were filled of his parents and their treatment of him. This was his chance to get away. No way was he going to pack it all in after just six hours.


    “Definitely,” he twisted and nodded to Hilda, ready to press on.


    Together, they walked along the dirt path and made their way to the curve that would lead them to Accumula Town. Tiny little pink flowers dotted themselves around the corner. The dirt path ended and it seemed that these flowers along with some long grass formed a sort-of makeshift pathway to the next town, with patches of that short squelchy grass leading the way through. Hilbert took notice of this, as well as the fact that the trees were now even more densely packed. Within the long grass, the duo could hear more rustling and little pit-pats of paws on the dirt hidden underneath. Tiny Pokémon were obviously running around, possibly playing, among the leaves and blades. It would make sense that, in this half of the route, the wild Pokémon would probably be more inclined to expand their habitats beyond the trees and into the overgrowth of the grass and flowers. Again, Hilbert stopped.


    “What is it this time?” Hilda asked, a little bit more exasperated at being stopped again.


    “Nothing, I just…” Hilbert began but trailed off.


    He was looking up above him, watching the gentle leaves being blown by the soft wind. A flock of grey birds speckled the skies as they made their way south - the first wild Pokémon he‘d seen. Hilbert took in a deep breath of the fresh air, being able to smell all of the fresh pink flowers. They were sweet smelling, like strawberry yoghurt. Hilbert was really enjoying just being outside in the spring, away from all the rules and harshness of his parents house.


    “Hilbert,” Hilda placed one hand on her hip.


    “Sorry,” Hilbert shook his head as he snapped back to reality, “I just can’t believe we’re actually doing this, you know? I’m just…” he paused, “enjoying the scenery while we’re still here.”


    Hilda sighed and smiled, relaxing her tense body a bit. Nodding in approval, she too took some time to examine the route around them. Hilda looked deeply into the tree line surrounding the edge of the route, thinking about how the trees were obviously cleared some time ago to make a path between the towns. It had never occurred to her before that, at one point, this could have all been forest. She pondered for a moment what types of common Pokémon were there on the open part of the route and what kinds of rarer Pokémon could be hiding in the seemingly impenetrable forest beyond. Thoughts of the place began to really fill her mind and she became very quite aware that the sewage stench had not extended beyond the town. Suddenly, something caught her eye moving in the long grass just between herself and her friend.


    “Hilbert,” she whispered.


    He did not hear her.


    “Hilbert!” She hissed more loudly.


    Hilbert swung around and began to speak, but was silenced by Hilda’s finger on her lips. Her eyes were wide and wild with excitement. Slowly, she pointed towards to the rustling grass in-between them and mouthed, “there is something there.”


    Eager to see their first proper wild Pokémon, both fresh-faced trainers gazed in awe at the rustling grass in-between them. Both of them seemed to lean in very slowly, as if in slow motion, steadily getting closer and closer to the hidden Pokémon. Hilda could see every little blade of grass move back and forth, back and forth, as the Pokémon did whatever it was doing. Hilbert could almost smell its fur, still a little damp from the rain this route seemingly had. And then…


    “Patrat!” A mass of brown fur leapt out, bounced off Hilda’s face and landed in a patch of pink flowers nearby!


    “Ow!” Hilda moaned. “Hey!” She glared at the wild Pokémon as she rubbed her head and fixed her already messy hair.


    “Come now,” Hilbert spoke softly to it, “that wasn’t very nice.”


    The Pokémon turned to face them, it’s maddening red and yellow eyes seemed to swirl as it scanned them and the area around them. Its ragged white-tipped tail and plump cheeks twitched with every breath from the two humans standing before it. In less than a second, it twisted its head around and pulled one of its stumpy feet up to its chin and gave a little scratch and then returned to its previous statue-like pose. Without really thinking, Hilbert whipped out the Pokédex that Professor Juniper had given him. As the camera facing the Pokémon analysed, a screen slid out of the top of the sleek grey device. At the same time, the wild Pokémon raised one paw over its head, as if to look more intensely at the device. As an image of the Pokémon appeared on the top screen, a mechanical voice clinked out of a speaker at the top of the screen:


    “Patrat, the scout Pokémon,” it described. “Using food stored in cheek pouches, they can keep watch for days.” It continued. “They use their tails to communicate with others,” it finished.


    Using the red Pokéball design on the front, Hilbert was able to cycle through various images of the Patrat shown on a second screen on the main body of the device. Once done, the Pokédex made a clinking sound, the top screen slid back inside the device, and it seemed to shut itself down automatically.


    “Cool,” Hilbert gasped at both the Pokédex and the Pokémon. “I want to catch this one,” he beamed.


    “Hey! No way!” Hilda blurted. “I noticed it first and that makes it mine!”


    As the pair began a bickering match, another human joined them. He was a young man, about the same age as Hilda and Hilbert. He wore slim black jeans, a rather fitted blue blazer and thin-rimmed glasses. He ran his slender fingers through his fine dark hair, pushed up his specs and pulled a Pokéball from his belt.


    Pressing the button to enlarge it, he shot his arm out towards the arguing newbies and addressed them, “hey!” He yelled, catching their attention. “You do realise that all your bickering has scared away that Pokémon, right?”


    Hilda and Hilbert looked stunned and then gasped as they frantically searched with their eyes for the Patrat. It was gone.


    “You are both so childish,” the lean trainer teased. “Obvious noobs.” He closed his eyes and turned his head away from them, hanging his nose in the air.


    Hilda and Hilbert both stared at each other in shock as the trainer pulled his Pokéball away and crossed his arms. Slyly, he opened one eye for a second to briefly gauge their reactions.


    “I’m sorry,” Hilbert looked down at his feet. “We didn’t mean to act childish, we’re new at this.” He nodded down submissively.


    The trainer turned back to face them directly and opened his eyes. As he unfolded his arms and brought them down by his sides, Hilda fixated herself on the Pokéball he was still holding.


    “What’s in the ball?” Hilda asked, blinking towards the trainer’s device.


    A smile spread across the young man’s face, widening to a grin. For a moment, there was a glint in his cold eyes.


    “I’ll show you,” he beamed and tossed the ball up into the air, calling: “Come on out!”


    The red-and-white ball opened above them and then gently dropped back down to the owner’s hand. The blue and white crystal-like energy came out in full motion, taking on a rather plump shape that sprouted rounded wings. As two stumpy little talons plopped out from underneath and a tiny beak popped out of its head, colour began to streak into the Pokémon. Shades of grey filled its body and wings, while a white heart shape cutely covered a small tuft of feathers on its chest, with another pink heart appearing around its yellow beak. As it came in to land on its trainer’s shoulder, it opened its dopey yellow eyes and nuzzled into its trainer’s neck affectionately.


    “Cool,” Hilbert gasped. “What a cute heart design!”


    “What is it?” Hilda was unable to hide how unimpressed she was by the plain bird.


    Even though she was unexcited about the Pokémon, curiosity was still at the forefront of Hilda’s mind - she had never seen this Pokémon before and wanted to know what it was. She pulled her Pokédex, this one white lined with pink, and pointed the camera towards it. As the Pokédex scanned, the same screen slid out of the top showing a standard image of the bird. Hilda did not feel the urge to scroll through the alternate images and instead yawned as the Pokédex spoke:


    “Pidove, the tiny pigeon Pokémon,” this Pokédex’s mechanical voice had a slightly feminine twinge to it. “These Pokémon live in cities. They are accustomed to people. Flocks often gather in parks and plazas.” It explained.


    “Are you serious?” the trainer snorted. “You don’t even know what a Pidove is?” Together he and his Pokémon laughed.


    “Well excuse us for just having begun our journeys six hours ago mister!” Hilda grunted.


    The two glared at one another, Hilda’s temper getting the better of her and the other trainer’s patience wearing thin. Worried that a fight might be coming, Hilbert decided to be friendly to diffuse the situation.


    “I’m Hilbert,” Hilbert introduced. “What’s your name?” He extended his hand out to properly greet the newcomer.


    Taken aback, the trainer paused and thought for a moment before taking Hilbert‘s hand. “My name is Cheren,” he responded, released and turned to face the Hilda.


    With a groan and a roll of her eyes, Hilda said plainly, “yeah, I’m Hilda, whatever.” She shook her head and wandered a little bit away from the two boys. Hilda was way too buzzed to be standing around chatting. All Hilda really wanted to get on with the journey and find a Pokémon to catch or a trainer to fight. Hilda began to scan around the area a little bit nervously, examining highly interesting bits of shrubbery and the like for any signs of something to do. Although, knowing Hilbert, she still managed to keep an eye on the boys. She couldn’t really hear what they were saying anymore, but took note of Hilbert’s body language - he shifted his weight onto on leg, twisting his hands around a bit and seemingly leaning in a bit closer to Cheren. As Hilbert did this, Hilda also noticed that Cheren had an unspoken reaction. His eyes suddenly darted all across Hilbert’s body and then stared him square in the eyes, before giving a slight roll.


    “Uh-oh,” Hilda whispered to herself. “Someone’s gonna get hurt if I don’t step in here.”


    With a rather hefty sigh, Hilda squelched her way across the grass loudly towards the boys and stood directly in-between them. Hilda placed one hand on her hip, flicking her open black vest coat back and leaned in close to Cheren’s face. She fixated her gaze on Cheren, looking up at him slightly and gave off a rather devilish looking smile.


    “What?” Cheren did not back off or flinch.


    “You cost me a Patrat,” Hilda said matter-of-factly. “If it wasn’t for you… well…” she trailed off and had a rather knowing look on her face.


    “Excuse me?” Cheren looked at her with wide eyes and let out a groan.


    “Let’s play a game,” Hilda smirked and flicked out some of her messy brown hair. “I’d say that Accumula Town is roughly, what, two hours away?”


    “Yeah,” Cheren responded unassumingly.


    “Well,” she looked at both him and Hilbert, “let’s see who can catch that Patrat first and we’ll all meet in Accumula Town in two hours.”


    A rather bedazzled smile crept across Hilbert’s face, clearly loving this idea of friendly competition. Excitedly, he began to chance slight glances around the immediate area in the hopes of catching a peek at where Patrat was hiding.


    “That’s stupid,” Cheren griped. “Have you seen the path between here and Accumula Town? It’s just a straight line of grass and trees - we’ll be able to see each other!”


    “Then what do you have to lose?” Hilda sneered.


    “Uh…” Cheren lowered and shook his head. “Fine.” He gave in.


    “Yes!” Hilbert cheered and began searching the long grass for anything brown with plump cheeks.


    And so the mini competition between the trainers began.


    Hilda decided to get right into the thick of it. Straight away she was down on her hands and knees, the blades of grass scraping at her bare legs and arms. At one point she even had to wrestle her messy brown hair from the grasp of a stray vine. Crawling through the long grass, she felt around with her hands, but failed to find anything beyond the blades. Desperate to solve this, Hilda crouched on her knees and lined herself so that she was eye level with the tops of the grass and flowers. Slowly and carefully, she rotated herself on the spot studying the tops for any sort of movement. Eventually, she came full circle. Nothing. Letting out a hefty sigh, Hilda rose to her feet and wandered a bit further away from the main path of the route. She approached the dense tree line and looked deeply into the darkness. The huge canopy of leaves above blocked out the sun so it was difficult to make out. Hilda pondered the possibility that the Patrat had moved on from the human-travelled part of the route. Steadily, she squeezed herself in-between two of the trunks and entered into the packed forest border. In doing so, her white and pink cap got knocked off her head and she stumbled on the thick roots of the trees. As she tumbled down, a piece of her denim shorts caught on a stray branch and ripped out her two loose pockets, leaving them dangling by her thighs like rags.


    While Hilda was off doing her own search, Hilbert decided to focus his attention on an alternate methodology - he went into his blue bag and pulled out a slice of bread. He broke small chunks off it and spread them around a more open area of the route where the grass and flowers weren’t as overpowering. Once he’d done this, Hilbert moved away nearer to the long thick grass and crouched down, watching the chunks of bread intently. Steadily, he waited for any Pokémon to appear and take the bread. Suddenly, there was a dash of movement. Hilbert raised his head slightly to gain a better view. A flurry of grey shot across the clearing where he had laid the bread. Then another. Another. Another. It wasn’t long before there was only one tiny chunk left. Unsure what the grey dashes were, Hilbert pulled out his Pokédex, poised and ready to see what was taking the bread. As one final grey shape swooped in and took the bread, the Pokédex clunked to life and the second screen slid out.


    “Pidove, the tiny pigeon,” the Pokédex spoke. “Each follows its Trainer’s orders as best it can,” it explained, “but sometimes fail to understand complicated commands.”


    With that, the Pokédex shut itself back down and Hilbert put it away, disappointed that his bread had attracted Pidove and not the coveted Patrat.


    Meanwhile, Cheren was working his own scheme to find and catch Patrat. He stood motionless, the tall grass poking into his legs through his slim jeans. Although still a relatively fresh trainer himself (not that he would admit that to Hilda and Hilbert) Cheren had studied a lot about Pokémon rather than going on a journey when he was ten. He had spent the last six years reading, learning and experimenting, all in preparation for this journey. As a result of that, he knew better how to catch a Patrat. So, he simply stood there.


    “Go,” he whispered to his Pidove.


    The tiny grey beard stretched out its dumpy round wings and took off into the sky directly above its trainer. It hovered above the main route, its dopey eyes suddenly full of focus as it scanned the area for Patrat. All the while, Cheren remained very still. Cheren, through all of his reading and learning, knew that Patrat were very wary of their surroundings and liked to keep a very close watch on new elements to their habitats. That is what Cheren and the other two humans were to the Pokémon - foreign elements. From this, logic dictated that the Patrat would be nearby and watching. As Hilda and Hilbert were making a lot of noise and moving around a lot, it was safe to assume that the Patrat would not approach them. As humans, they are a lot bigger than Patrat and it would prefer to play it safe and stay away. So, by staying motionless, Cheren could assure that the Patrat would not be as afraid and possibly be even inclined to approach and investigate. By using Pidove, Cheren could also assure that he had a pair of eyes searching for the Patrat. Also, as Pidove is a not only a small Pokémon but one that is commonly found on this route, the Patrat would be as cautious of it either.


    “Croo-hroo!” the tiny pigeon Pokémon called down to its trainer and motioned with it’s beak that it had spotted the Patrat.


    “All right then!” Cheren called out. As he did so, he noticed a small rustling of grass moving away from him - he had obviously scared it. “Quickly now! Gust!”


    The tiny grey bird swooped down at a surprising speed, stopping just a few feet short of the grass just ahead of the movement visible in the rustling. Sharply, it drew back its round wings and began to flap furiously. The wind generated grew stronger and stronger, gaining enough momentum just as the rustling got to where it was aiming. This was enough to knock the Patrat out of its hiding spot in the long grass and into a nearby tree trunk.


    “Traaa!” The brown Pokémon cried out as it slammed into the tree.


    “Now Pidove, use Leer!” Cheren commanded.


    Without a moment’s hesitation, Cheren’s Pokémon charged at Patrat just as it was regaining its balance. Coming in close, Pidove stopped fast and intimately, just centimetres from Patrat’s face, with its beak practically touching its nose. Pidove’s normally dopey eyes pinpointed directly onto Patrat’s swirling gaze, causing a shiver to run down the scout Pokémon’s spine. While the Patrat was cowering, Pidove moved aside, giving its trainer a clear shot.


    “Now!” Cheren called out and lobbed a Pokéball at the Patrat. “Go Pokéball!”


    The red-and-white orb spun through the air and smacked the Patrat square on the head. It clicked and opened and the Patrat was reduced to nothing more than pure energy as it was pulled inside the ball. Then it closed. The Pokéball dropped to the ground and began to shake from side to side, as if the trapped Pokémon was trying to break free. The button at the middle of the front was red and flashing, but turned white and let out a few sparks as the ball stopped moving. Patrat had stopped struggling and was caught. Cheren walked over cautiously and picked up the Pokéball.


    Pidove returned to its perch on his shoulder and he scratched it under the chin, “good job girl,” he praised.


    “Wow!” Hilbert exclaimed and ran over to Cheren. “That was awesome!”


    Cheren hadn’t even realised that the pair had been watching him. Cheren smiled and thanked Hilbert politely.


    “Whatever,” Hilda wheezed. “I could’ve done that, if I’d wanted to.” She sorted her cap and crossed her arms behind her head.


    “Sure,” Cheren smirked and laughed, along with Hilbert.


    “Shut up!” Hilda shouted, her face turning red, before joining their happy outburst.


    Together, the three of them walked on towards Accumula Town. They each took in one last look of the route around them. Hilda stared deeply through the tightly packed tree line as they walked, hoping to catch a glimpse of something more than just Pidove and Patrat. In truth, Hilda was more than willing to take an extended walk through those trees just to discover what hidden treasures may be discovered. Hilbert enjoyed taking in one last deep breath of the strawberry yoghurt smell that the pink flowers were letting off. This was the first part of their journey over. Next time they came back to this route, they each would have achieved so much. Hilbert wanted to live in that moment as a fresh-faced trainer on his first route so much and never ever forget it. So, while they walked, Hilbert took some time to observe every inch of the route around him; take in deep breaths to smell all the scents, deep enough to even taste them; he listened very closely to the wind and the cries of the local Pokémon; and he stretch out his arms and hands, touching the long grass as they walked through it. He had to commit it to total memory using all of his senses. Cheren walked with his Pidove still resting on his shoulder, with one hand in his pocket clutching the now small Pokéball holding his new Patrat. He couldn’t help but feel this surge of excitement coursing through him - he had just caught his first Pokémon! There was no chance that he was going to let that Pokéball out of his hand for a while. And then, finally, they were in Accumula Town. The tree line suddenly veered off to make room for stone roads and buildings, the natural sense of the route being replaced with the musty smell of the town and the cries of the local Pokémon faded far into the distance.


    “Oh my!” A familiar shrill voice cried out. “You’re here!”


    Bounding towards them was a blonde young woman, clad in white, orange and green.


    “What the?” Cheren called as she knocked into him.


    “Oh my!” Bianca bowed her head apologetically. “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!”


    “It’s fine,” Cheren huffed and turned away. “Right, then,” he said to Hilda and Hilbert, “I’m heading off. See ya.” He made his way straight through the town and onto the next route.


    “Bye!” Hilbert shouted and waved.


    Cheren flicked his hand through this dark hair and gave back what could be considered a wave.


    “Did I…?” Bianca began, her finger up to her lips.


    “No,” Hilda smiled, putting one arm around Bianca’s back. “He’s generally just an asshole,” she teased.


    “Oh…” Bianca looked at the ground thoughtfully and became silent.


    Hilbert began shuffling on the spot, looking around the town. He’d never been to Accumula Town before. It was actually seemingly smaller than Nuvema town, but appeared to have been built on levels, with many stairs and bridges showing that there was more beneath the surface. Many of the walls, stairs, bridges and paths were white stones, while the buildings had been built using a darker red brick. Like Professor Juniper’s lab, it seemed rather mismatched in materials and style, presumably because they were continuously developing the town.


    Hilda stared at Bianca in silence, but cut through it and Hilbert’s thought by asking, “so, Bianca - what are you doing here?”


    Hilbert thought for a moment and added, “yeah, we didn’t pass by you at all on Route One.” He looked puzzled. “How did you get here so fast?”


    “Oh my!” Bianca snapped out of her own thoughts and responded, “I got a lift with Professor Juniper - she’s waiting for us at the Pokémon Centre!” Bianca began to move around rather frantically. “Oh my! Oh my! We’re late!”


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Get ready for Chapter 003 ~ Basic Accumulation!
    Last edited by Laterna; 2nd June 2012 at 04:49 PM.

    //mahLOVE//mahLIFE//
    //mahART//
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  8. #8
    ポケモン Tsutarja's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Kids //002. Catch That Patrat!

    Wow, I didn't expect a new chapter so fast. I think it's great that you have motivation to write so much in such a short period of time but I'd suggest you not to rush with these chapters and even if you have some of them already done - don't post them all at once. I know you're not doing that right now, but you might scare away the readers with such a huge amount of text, haha. Just, take your time and improve what needs to improved. I don't know, it's just the impression I'm getting, sorry if I'm wrong.

    As for the chapter itself, it was solid, above solid actually. Great descriptions all around and Cheren doesn't really seem to be any different from his game counterpart - for now at least. I've also noticed that Hilda is a lot more hot-headed than Hilbert which is a nice change of pace because most of male protagonists in typical journey fics tend to be eager and impulsive ones. Eh, there really isn't much I can say on this chapter but I'm pretty confident that you have your story pretty much all planned out. The end of this chapter also reminds me of the part in BW games when prof. Juniper is waiting for you at the lab, hehe.

    I wonder how you'll handle Plasma and especially N, considering indicated parental issues.

    Anyway, nice follow-up to the first chapter. Keep writing!
    Laterna likes this.

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    Fiery Dancer Laterna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Kids //002. Catch That Patrat!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsutarja View Post
    Wow, I didn't expect a new chapter so fast. I think it's great that you have motivation to write so much in such a short period of time but I'd suggest you not to rush with these chapters and even if you have some of them already done - don't post them all at once. I know you're not doing that right now, but you might scare away the readers with such a huge amount of text, haha. Just, take your time and improve what needs to improved. I don't know, it's just the impression I'm getting, sorry if I'm wrong.
    Good points actually - I never thought of it that way. I have to admit to feeling a certain degree of over-eagerness with this. I've suffered an extreme form of writer's block for a long time now and it has finally lifted - I feel like I've got about three years of writing to catch up on, you know? But, you have given me some incredibly sound advice there. Although Chapter Two only took me all last night and all of today really to write, I did not feel it was rushed - I had a free day and took full advantage of it. However, I can understand the perception that posting so fast can give off and, while I may charge ahead with writing the chapters, I will hold off posting them for sake of both a stronger personal review of them and for the benefit of potential readers. Thank you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsutarja View Post
    As for the chapter itself, it was solid, above solid actually. Great descriptions all around and Cheren doesn't really seem to be any different from his game counterpart - for now at least. I've also noticed that Hilda is a lot more hot-headed than Hilbert which is a nice change of pace because most of male protagonists in typical journey fics tend to be eager and impulsive ones. Eh, there really isn't much I can say on this chapter but I'm pretty confident that you have your story pretty much all planned out. The end of this chapter also reminds me of the part in BW games when prof. Juniper is waiting for you at the lab, hehe.
    Thank you - above solid is better than I expected. I was really worried about my descriptions in this one and kept going back and adding little bits here and there constantly throughout the day. Glad to see it paid off. I am pleased that Cheren came off well - I found him more difficult to write as I only had the games to use as a solid base. Whereas with characters like Juniper and Bianca, I can draw on the anime as well and characters like Hilda and Hilbert are like blank models. The end of this chapter originally did not have Bianca or any mention of Juniper, but I loved writing them both so much that I decided to include them both here and in the next chapter (both of which they were originally not to appear in). The decision to reflect the games at this point was simply out of ease - as they are all new trainers (Hilda, Hilbert and Bianca) I need to do scenes throughout the early chapters where they learn directly from a superior like Juniper. This provided a perfect in to that concept.

    Thank you once again for you advice and support - it is very much appreciated.

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  10. #10
    Smiling Ampharos Mokoko's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Kids //002. Catch That Patrat!

    Another brilliant chapter. Bianca as I said before just seems to flow from you naturally. Cheren does seem like a bit or a snob,which I like it gives him something else. The others, coming from broken homes and someone like him, must have had a pleasing life enough to become so up himself. Really shows. It's like you know these characters even though they are not real. Perhaps this is why I see your story in my head as real people and not an animation.

    Now onto other things:

    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna
    Where Bianca went they did not know.
    I think here between “went” and “they” there needs to be a break, like a comma. I believe it would make it read better.

    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna
    with patches of short squelch grass leading the way through.
    “squelch grass”? I think that would either be squelching or squelchy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna
    watching the gentle leaves being blow by the soft wind.
    Missed an “n” at the end of blow.

    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna
    “I noticed it first - that makes it mine!”
    You have used a lot of “-”es to break up sentences. Like a thesaurus that gives us different meanings, I feel that you have overused them here. Perhaps a comma or an occasional pair of well-rounded brackets.

    Can't wait for the next chapter to see what these guys get up to next.
    Laterna likes this.
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    BAM Cosmos's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Kids //002. Catch That Patrat!

    I just read both of the chapters so far and I really must say that I'm loving them.
    I really like the whole idea of them not exactly being the ideal children or even trainers.
    It makes them unique and real.

    There are a few spelling and grammar mistakes but nothing to big. It's just that here and there are words that don't really fit or that another word would be more appropriate.

    My only real problem is that for the most part your keeping the character's names the same.
    For Hilda and Hilbert that's really not a problem because in the games the names can be changed and they don't have much personality and they don't appear in the anime.
    But for characters like Bianca it could become a problem because Bianca is a pretty prominent character throughout the game and the anime and I can already see her going in the same direct and taking on her original personality's characteristics...
    Cheren shouldn't be a problem because he isn't so much in the game and isn't in the anime.

    The only time I'd really suggest for you to keep the character's name the same is if your planning on keeping the same gym leaders.
    Other then that I'd personally advise you to pretty much make your characters from scratch because it gives you more creative freedoms and your readers won't have any predisposed expectations of a certain character.

    But other then that it's turning out to be a fresh and exciting journey and I look forward to the next chapter.
    If possible I'd like to be added to the tag list.
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  12. #12
    Fiery Dancer Laterna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Kids //002. Catch That Patrat!

    Thanks Mokoko for coming back and reviewing Chapter Two. I appreciate you highlighting the errors, all of which have been fixed. This includes the sheer number of “-”’s I had used - I didn’t realise that it had been so many!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mokoko
    Bianca as I said before just seems to flow from you naturally.
    I have to admit… I love writing Bianca. Originally, after Chapter One, I hadn’t planned on having her appear again until Chapter Six. However, I love writing Bianca so much that I decided to give a few more additional appearances. A major plus side to this is that it has allowed me to really develop her character a lot better, which you will see more of in the upcoming chapters.


    Thank you Cosmos as well for reviewing - it is nice to see a new reader. I am pleased that you are enjoying it and finding the fic a rather unique reading experience. I hope it continues to meet that expectation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmos
    My only real problem is that for the most part your keeping the character's names the same.
    For Hilda and Hilbert that's really not a problem because in the games the names can be changed and they don't have much personality and they don't appear in the anime.
    But for characters like Bianca it could become a problem because Bianca is a pretty prominent character throughout the game and the anime and I can already see her going in the same direct and taking on her original personality's characteristics...
    Cheren shouldn't be a problem because he isn't so much in the game and isn't in the anime.
    That is one of the things I really enjoy about Hilda and Hilbert is that they are essentially blank slates - I have so much freedom with them, but at the same time, for sake of balance, need to restrict their characters to the same degree that other characters like Bianca and Cheren would be restricted.
    The fic, as said in my original post, is not just a mere re-telling of the game plot of Black and White. Yes, it is based on said plot and uses the same characters, but there are plenty of spins and additions and twists that will make this fic stand on its own without the backing of the games. Bianca is no exception to this. All I can really say is… wait and see.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmos
    The only time I'd really suggest for you to keep the character's name the same is if your planning on keeping the same gym leaders.
    Other then that I'd personally advise you to pretty much make your characters from scratch because it gives you more creative freedoms and your readers won't have any predisposed expectations of a certain character.
    Honestly, I disagree. To me, the names (Hilda, Hilbert, Bianca, Cheren, etc) are their official names and so that is what I call them. Just as if I were to do a Legend of Zelda fic, I’d keep the names Link and Zelda. This is no different.
    While I will agree that creating characters from scratch gives one a huge amount of creative freedom, it also has great deal many more traps that I often see a lot of writers fall into. My honest opinion of writing is that if one can take a pre-existing character and develop them further, make them their own character, then that is the mark of an even more skilled writer. If you can match those pre-existing elements and traits, speech patterns, etc from the anime and games and take it beyond that and make the character your own, all the while incorporating them into your own style… to me that marks a skilled writer even more.
    However, I will offer this little tidbit of info - stop reading now if you don’t want a minor spoiler - counting Hilda and Hilbert as technical original characters, the “main cast” of this fic will consist of three original characters and three pre-existing characters.

    Also, what do you mean by “tag list”?


    Once again, thank you both for your constructive reviews - I really appreciate the feedback.


    And in a shameless act of self-promotion... Chapter 003 ~ Basic Accumulation may be coming tonight, or tomorrow - Tuesday at the latest. It is finished, but I just need to do one last read over and tidy up before posting.
    Last edited by Laterna; 3rd June 2012 at 06:52 AM.

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    BAM Cosmos's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bad Kids //002. Catch That Patrat!

    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna View Post
    The fic, as said in my original post, is not just a mere re-telling of the game plot of Black and White. Yes, it is based on said plot and uses the same characters, but there are plenty of spins and additions and twists that will make this fic stand on its own without the backing of the games. Bianca is no exception to this. All I can really say is… wait and see.
    Well as long as your planing to put your own spin on things and add other personality characteristic then everything should be fine.


    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna View Post
    However, I will offer this little tidbit of info - stop reading now if you don’t want a minor spoiler - counting Hilda and Hilbert as technical original characters, the “main cast” of this fic will consist of three original characters and three pre-existing characters.
    Well I shall wait and see and as long as it's not Ash lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna View Post
    Also, what do you mean by “tag list”?
    It's when you mention someone before your chapter so the get a notification when a new chapter is posted. It's a big compliment cause that means they're planing on coming back. :)

    Looking forward to the next chapter
    Laterna likes this.
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    Fiery Dancer Laterna's Avatar
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    Default Chapter 03 - Basic Accumulation

    @Mokoko; @Tsutarja; @Cosmos;
    If anyone would like to be added or removed from the Tag List, please notify me via PM.


    Before beginning this chapter, I'd like to thank Mokoko, Tsutarja and Cosmos once again for their continued feedback and support.


    003. Basic Accumulation



    Accumula Town. A relatively quiet and slow-paced place to live. Upon first viewing, it appeared to be rather small. However, wandering through the place, it could be seen that the town was actually built within hills and so had become layered on top of itself. Large stone staircases and bridges offered looks into the real depth of the town both above and below. It became even more interesting as little cobbled alleyways made winding paths up and down to the other levels. This made Accumula Town very much like a labyrinth Each of these aspects - the buildings, the stairs, the bridges and the alleys - were all built at different times over many decades and so all used a wide variety of materials and architectural styles. Accumula Town really was a culmination of various artistic minds, all accumulating their creativity into the construction of one town. What Hilbert could not understand though was why it was so quiet and slow-paced then? Surely, a place as rich in style and culture as this would have been bustling with all manner of creative souls. Apparently not.
    Down a small indented slope, the trio of Hilda, Hilbert and Bianca walked steadily along an evenly spaced large slated path. On her right, Hilda noticed a small hill with a signpost on it that read: ‘Accumula Town - the fast-growing town!’ On his right, Hilbert noticed a narrow set of steps leading down to a block of houses. Bianca was focused dead ahead, her eyes fixated on a red roof coming into view. As they continued walking at their rather rushed pace (because they were running late apparently) the red-roofed building grew closer and closer. Large glass windows came into view, tinted blue by the clear skies above. Right above the main door, etched into the window like stained glass, was a white Pokéball design. And right there, standing in front of the main doors, was Professor Juniper herself.
    Even though it had only been about eight hours since they last saw her, Hilda and Hilbert couldn’t help but grin at the sight of her. It was like a little part of home had come to meet them at the very first checkpoint on their journey.


    “Hello there!” Professor Juniper called, holding her hand up in what appeared to be a wave crossed with a salute. Her hand settled gently just on her perfect light brown hair.


    Bianca cupped both hands around her mouth and shouted in return, “hi!” Bianca then began to wave rather profusely with both hands and quickened her pace.


    Approaching the Pokémon Centre, Hilbert noticed another large stone wall with stairs on the left leading up to yet another layer of the town. Up on this part was a house with music coming out of it. A band must have been practising. Just before they reached the Professor, Hilbert could make out some of the lyrics they were working on:


    “It's not always black and white,
    But your heart always knows what's right.
    But let the journey begin…”


    The song trailed off and the man and woman who were singing it stopped whatever it was they were working. There was nothing but silence coming from the house now. A little propeller on top of the house began to spin slightly, indicating wind.
    Sure enough, a small breeze brushed around from behind the Pokémon Centre and caused the Professor’s white lab coat to blow up around her white shirt and mint green skirt. Hilda took in a deep whiff as she approached, noting that the icky smell from the Professor was now gone. She also could smell coconut, as well as noticing that the Professor’s brown hair looking a bit more plush than usual. It was obvious that she had showered for this meeting.


    “You smell nice,” Hilda teased. “What’s the occasion?”


    Bianca’s jaw dropped and she glared at Hilda. The Professor simply laughed and accepted Hilda‘s jibe. As Juniper and Hilbert cackled away, a man with long green haired swivelled by them and entered into the sliding doors of the Pokémon Centre.


    “Nice to see you too Hilda,” Juniper sighed and gave a knowing smile. “After discovering what was causing that stench that was plaguing the town, I decided it what be best to freshen myself up now that it’s all sorted,” the Professor explained.


    “What was the cause of it?” Hilbert asked.


    “Well,” Professor Juniper began, a flash of excitement crossing her face as she leaned in close to the trio, “I first noticed it last night while I was working and, once I had finished, I followed my nose to the water treatment plant just at the ocean viewpoint,” she described. “Turns out, a family of Pokémon not native to the region had swum their way over yesterday and found a way into the facility through the pipes in the ocean,” she continued. “They then left the facility after disrupting the pollution extractor and moved into the surrounding forest to search for food. After they had gorged themselves on whatever they could find, they built a nest and fell asleep. After eating, their stench became intensified and it was carried back to town on the wind,” the Professor concluded.


    “Wowee!” Bianca exclaimed, clapping her hands in ecstatically. “Professor Juniper, you are so smart figuring all that out in such a short time!” This caused the Professor to blush.


    “Cool,” Hilda nodded in approval, not really all that interested.


    “What kind of Pokémon was it?” Hilbert asked, an intense curiosity burning in his eyes.


    The Professor chuckled, “I’m afraid the answer to that one is little tricky - these Pokémon swam all the way over here from another region!”


    “Another region?” Hilbert gasped.


    “Yes,” Juniper responded. “In fact, that’s the main reason why I wanted to meet you all here,” she turned towards the door of the Pokémon Centre. “Why don’t we go inside and I’ll explain everything?”


    Professor Juniper stepped close to the double glass doors, which automatically detected her presence and whooshed open. Hilda and Hilbert rushed in as they had never been inside a Pokémon Centre before, while the Professor and Bianca hung back and watched them take it all in. On the left was a large waiting area with tables and magazines, it even had a long bar-like area where people could order food! On the right was a small shop area, selling lots of standard trainer items like Pokéballs and Potions. Straight ahead was the main station, where a Nurse happily waited any patients needing treatment. On either side of this central station where staircases that led up to a library-like area with bookcases, desks and computers, some of which had telephones attached to them. In the centre of that upper area was another flight of stairs.


    “As you can undoubtedly tell,” the Professor said as she approached the two trainers, “on the left is a waiting area and food court, on the right is the trainer’s mart, straight ahead is where you can heal your Pokémon and above,” she paused for a moment, “a library station where you can study just about anything on Pokémon and you can use the video-phones to call home,” the Professor informed them. “Also, sometimes that area gets closed off for local exams and various other functions.” Carrying on, the Professor added, “and above that is a sleeping area where trainers can bunk for the night.”


    Up the top standing in the library area, Hilda noticed the same green-haired man that had entered the Pokémon Centre just before them. Being able to look a bit more closely, Hilda saw that he was wearing a black and white cap and a white shirt. He looked down on the group as they took in this exciting new place.


    “That’s amazing!” Hilbert exclaimed, knocking Hilda out of her thoughts.


    “Yeah,” Hilda taunted, “sure!”


    “Wonderful!” Bianca gleamed and clapped her hands together. “Maybe I’ll do some reading before I leave tomorrow.”


    “Well then,” Professor Juniper sighed with relief, “now that all that’s settled, let’s all have some dinner and I’ll tell you why I brought you all here.”


    Without hesitation, Bianca bolted off to claim some good seats near the window, which were also close to the counter. Quickly, Hilda, Hilbert and Juniper joined her, their feet clinking off the metal tiled floor as they walked. It was a relatively small area, with only about twelve tables each with four seats. As they sat down, a strange looking Pokémon approached them carrying some menus. It was about half the height of an average human, with short dumpy legs, a rotund stomach and head, slender arms and big ears with extensions that looked like stethoscopes. Its furry body was cream with pink accents that gave the impression of a jacket.


    “What’s that?” Hilbert pondered as he pulled out his Pokédex.


    The grey device lined with red pinpointed its camera on the Pokémon and, upon recognising it, a second screen slid out of the top. A mechanical voice sounded from a speaker at the top of this screen and defined the Pokémon:


    “Audino, the hearing Pokémon,” it began to characterize the Pokémon. “It touches others with the feelers on its ears, using the sound of their heartbeats to tell how they are feeling.”


    “Aud?” it asked the device as it looked closely at the camera with its big blue eyes. “Ino, ino.”


    Unsure of the device, it pulled up one of its feeler extensions and pressed it against the camera lens. Upon hearing nothing but mechanical whirring, the Audino dropped the menus and ran behind the counter and into the kitchen. Hilda, Hilbert and Bianca simply gawped at what had just transpired.


    “Did-did-did I do something wrong?” Hilbert asked Professor Juniper nervously, who was sitting across from him.


    “No,” she grunted as she bent down to pick up the fallen menus. “All the Audino could hear from the Pokédex were mechanical and unnatural sounds, which must have frightened it a little bit.”


    “Exactly right Professor,” a young woman’s voice said as she approached.


    The woman was obviously a nurse working in the centre given her pink uniform, white apron and official hat. As she walked towards them, her pinked ringed hair bounced from side to side without even so much as a stray hair coming out of place.


    “Why hello there!” Professor Juniper beamed. “Everyone,” she motioned to the young woman, “this is one of the many Nurse Joy’s you’ll meet in Pokémon Centres throughout Unova.”


    Blushing at the attention being shone on her by the new trainers, the Nurse Joy asked nervously, “have you decided what you want to order?” With a pad and pen in hand, she was ready to take their orders.


    “Oh my!” Bianca gasped and turned to face Juniper who was sitting next to her. “Professor! You didn’t hand out the menus yet!”


    Professor Juniper giggled nervously and passed around the menus. After a quick glance, she said, “I’ll have the Scalchop Soup please, Joy,” and handed the menu back to the Nurse. “And some herbal tea.”


    The other three took some time to scan all the items on the menu before deciding.


    “I’ll have the Afro Burger and a soda, thank you,” Hilda smiled forcefully and handed over her menu.


    “Oh wow! So many choices!” Bianca proclaimed. “I’ll have SWASalad with Victory Sauce and some herbal tea.” With that, Bianca also returned her menu to the Nurse.


    “Can I have the Volcano Wings and soda please?” Hilbert asked as he too handed back his menu.


    “Of course,” the Nurse smiled as she wrestled the menus under one arm while writing down their orders. “And anything for your Pokémon?”


    All three trainers were unsure how to answer and looked to Professor Juniper for an answer.


    “Yes,” the Professor answered for them. “Miracle seeded kibble for a grass type, spicy kibble for a fire type and Mystic Water treated kibble for a water type.”


    Nurse Joy made a note of the three additional orders, nodded and made her way back around the red-topped counter and into what was presumably the kitchen. The three trainers were still staring at Professor Juniper, their faces filled with questions about each of their Pokémon.


    “Miracle seed is a special seed that powers up your Pokémon,” Juniper explained to Hilda first. “It will help your Snivy develop the power of its grass type attacks.” Then she turned to Hilbert, “being a fire type, Tepig needs to eat hotter foods in order to keep its internal flame sac rich in the appropriate nutrients.” And finally Bianca, “Mystic Water is a special treated water that will boost the power of your Oshawott’s water type attacks.” The Professor finished.


    All three trainers nodded in approval, looking at one another to see if the other two were just as confused as they were.


    “So, the Miracle Seed and the Mystic Water are similar then?” Hilbert asked, slightly bewildered. “They do the same things for different types?”


    “Guess we have a lot to learn,” Hilda sighed, looking down at the table with a slight look of disappointed on her face.


    “As new trainers, that kinda makes us naturally stupid,” Bianca began to fiddle furiously with a button on her vest jacket. Her tone was completely different from her usual shrill stereotypical blonde pitch - for the first time, she sounded really serious.


    “Don’t worry, it doesn‘t make you stupid,” Juniper smiled, patting Bianca on the back. “It will all come natural to you all in good time.” She looked at them all in turn and then peered around the table, looking at the counter and the kitchen door. Scanning the area, “it’s quite busy here… let’s get down to business while we wait.”


    While they had been waiting on their food, the sun had begun to set on Accumula Town and the streetlights were all beginning to fire up. The town seemed to have an even quieter, almost eerie, atmosphere at night. Hilda couldn’t help but stare out the window into the heavily setting darkness that was creeping across town. For a moment, she thought she saw a group of medieval knights running across the street and down one of the side alleys. However, Hilda opted to ignore it. She figured that she hadn’t eaten in eight hours and was probably just imagining things.


    Professor Juniper began, “I am going to be providing each of your Pokédexes with an upgrade that contains what we like to call ‘National Mode’.” She explained, “with National Mode installed, you will be able to see data on every Pokémon known throughout the following regions - Unova, Sinnoh, Hoenn, Johto and Kanto ,” the Professor paused and thought for a moment. “That will provide you with data on 649 Pokémon.”


    “Oh my!” Bianca covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes wide with surprise. “649?!”


    “Indeed!” Professor Juniper grinned. “An important point to remember,” the Professor continued, “is that National Mode is constantly updated as we Professors make more contacts in other regions, so check in from time to time to see if there are any further upgrades.” The Professor then moved on and concluded, “also, various Pokémon Centres throughout the region, among other places, will offer other updates for the Pokédex, so keep your eyes open for those little gems.”


    “Wow,” Hilbert said as he pulled out his Pokédex once again. “This little thing can hold all that and more, huh?”


    “Cool,” Hilda seemed rather unimpressed and turned around on her chair. “I wonder what’s taking the food so long.” As Hilda turned back, she looked up at the library area once again. She saw that the same green-haired man was still keeping an eye on them.


    “Press this,” the Professor pointed to the white button in the middle of the Pokéball design.


    Hilbert pressed it and the Pokéball opened both of its parts diagonally outwards, revealing a whole host of new buttons to play with. On the bottom section of the Pokédex there were now several keys that allowed for full search capabilities, letters and numbers, as well as access to a full library list of all Unova Pokémon. The top section of this new part had seven empty slits that looked like they would hold some kind of chip or memory card.


    “Some people make upgrade cards for the Pokédex,” the Professor explained further, “that are inserted into these slots.” She then pulled out three, “these three, one for each of you, will give you access to the National Mode.”


    Hilbert inserted his straight away, while Hilda and Bianca searched for their Pokédexes. Finally finding hers, Hilda inserted her card into the white lined with pink machine. Bianca’s Pokédex was a little different and was orange lined with green, although one could clearly see hints of white and pink showing through it.


    As she inserted her card she boasted, “the Professor showed me a place where you can buy clip-on covers to really personalise the Pokédex - isn’t it neat?”


    The Professor sat with a smug look on her face and rested her head on her hands, watching the fresh-faced trainers in all their excitement over the Pokédex.


    “So, Professor?” Hilbert asked, “can you tell me what that Pokémon was so we can see it?”


    “Of course,” the Professor said as she sat up straight. “That was the reason I called you all here, wasn’t it?” She laughed. “The Pokémon were a family of Grimer and Muk.”


    “Grimer,” Hilda as she punched the name into the search function.


    After a lot off buzzing and whirring, the top screen finally slid out and blipped up an image of a rather gooey looking purple blob with arms, hands, eyes and a mouth.


    “Grimer, the sludge Pokémon,” the female-tinted voice informed. “It was born when sludge in a dirty stream was exposed to the moon’s X-rays. It appears among filth.” And, with that, her Pokédex returned to the search screen.


    “Ew!” Bianca let out a shrill cry. “Gross!”


    “Wicked sick!” Hilda exclaimed. “Now that’s a cool Pokémon!”


    Hilbert then typed in the name “Muk” into his Pokédex to see what it was like. Again, after a lot of noise, the top screen appeared and an image of Muk appeared. However, they were all a little under whelmed by its appearance - it just looked like an overgrown Grimer.


    “Muk, the sludge Pokémon and the evolved form of Grimer,” his male-tinted Pokédex spoke. “A toxic fluid seeps from its body. The fluid instantly kills plants and trees on contact.” And, like Hilda’s, his Pokédex too returned to the search screen.


    Hilda and Bianca both nodded along with the Professor, seemingly knowing what she was talking about. Hilbert, not being as well-versed on the world of Pokémon as they were, turned to the Professor with a very inquisitive look on his face.


    “Evolved form?” He asked rather shyly, thinking that it was something he should’ve known, new trainer or not.


    “Ah, yes!” Juniper gasped. “I knew I had forgotten something,” she smiled. “This one’s quite simple actually. You see, when the conditions are right, most Pokémon undergo a metamorphosis that we call ‘evolution’,” she explained. “Upon evolving, the Pokémon may have access to new strengths, attacks and abilities and even change shape.”


    “That reminds me!” Bianca beamed and began to type in something on her Pokédex. “I’m going to check what Oshawott will evolve into!”


    “Good idea!” Hilda joined her in typing. “I’ll check Snivy.”


    “Me too!” Hilbert began typing furiously too.


    “Wait,” Juniper halted them. “I think you shouldn’t get too far ahead of yourselves with this,” she cautioned. “A big part of being a trainer and experiencing this lifestyle is to do just that - experience it. I think it would be best if you were to see them become what they become when you are all ready for it,” she told them. “Otherwise, it will take away from the experience for both you and your Pokémon.”


    All three of them sighed and shut down their Pokédexes, putting them away.


    “You’re right Professor, that was a stupid idea…” Bianca sighed heavily and placed her head onto her hands, gazing blankly out the window.


    “Hey now,” Juniper moved closer to Bianca and put an arm around her. “It wasn’t stupid at all, you just got over-excited that’s all.”


    Hilda and Hilbert sat in silence, watching tensely. They heard Bianca sniff and pull her hands up to her eyes. The Professor was whispering inaudibly into Bianca’s ear. It wasn’t long before Bianca let out a weak chuckle and was ready to face the group again. Hilbert could see the red in her eyes. She had been crying.


    “You okay?” Hilbert looked at Bianca, concerned that there was a lot more to Bianca’s situation that he had initially thought.


    “I’m fine,” Bianca nodded, not looking him in the eye. “I was being silly, but the Professor snapped me out of it,” she smiled at Juniper. “She is so smart.”


    “Well, duh!” Hilda laughed. “She is the Professor after all!”


    This was enough to break the tense mood and the other three joined in Hilda’s laughter, with all three new trainers teasing one another jokingly. It wasn’t too long after this that Nurse Joy returned with the large tray containing for plates of steaming hot food, as well as their refreshing drinks. As Hilda turned to see the food coming, she noticed that that strange man was still hovering about in the library section, still seemingly watching them. However, Hilda chose to keep peace and not say anything. It could be something, it could be nothing. Either way, she had no intention of spoiling the good mood.


    “I suggest you all let out your Pokémon right now,” Nurse Joy smiled. “Their food will be here in just a few minutes.” And with that she turned and walked back into the kitchen.


    Eager, all three trainers pulled out their three Pokéballs and aimed them at the floor beside them, pressing the button to open them while keeping them in their hands. Blue and white crystal-like energy began to flood the floor area just as the Nurse Joy returned with the extra plates of food. All ready to go, they began eating with massive grins on their faces…


    A short while later…


    “Return!” Hilda called out as a beam of red light pulled Snivy back into her Pokéball. Once safely back inside, Hilda made her way over to join the others near the entrance to the Pokémon Centre. As she passed by, Hilda watched as the workers closed the mart down for the night and left for home.


    “Thank you so much Professor Juniper!” Bianca nodded and shook the Professor’s hand profusely.


    “You are most welcome Bianca!” Juniper wasn‘t content with a handshake and pulled Bianca in for a hug. “Call me, anytime, day or night,” she whispered.


    Hilda and Hilbert simply smiled, not wanting to intrude on their moment. Hilda was quite surprised at how close the Professor and Bianca seemed to be.


    “Thank you,” Hilbert added as the pair broke their embrace.


    “Yeah,” Hilda figured she should say something too because everyone else was, “thanks.”


    “There is no need to thank me,” Juniper blushed, lifting one hand to her cheek. “I am more than happy to help you all out!”


    “Cool,” Hilda grinned.


    “Now, I really must be going,” the Professor turned and began to walk out the door. “If you need anything don’t hesitate to call me!” She waved and walked out. “Goodbye!” Professor Juniper called out at the last moment.


    “Bye!” The trio of trainers yelled and waved.


    From outside, they could hear a sputtering of a car engine. The Professor was gone. The three trainers turned to one another and giggled with excitement.


    “I am so ready!” Hilda punched the air with her fists. “I wanna battle someone right now!”


    Bianca yawned and rubbed her eyes, “can’t we do that tomorrow?” She yawned again. “After all that info and food, I’m so sleepy.” Bianca began to, rather hazily, make her way to the stairs leading up to the sleeping area. “Goodnight guys…” she yawned again.


    “Goodnight,” Hilbert responded kindly.


    “Yeah…” Hilda seemed a little bit more disappointed. “Night then.”


    “I think it’s a bit late for a battle anyways,” Hilbert tried to reassure Hilda, but failed to hide a yawn of his own.


    “Nah… it’s cool,” Hilda forced a smile. “Go on, go to bed.”


    Together, they both began to walk up the flight of stairs leading to the library-like area. As they climbed the stairs, Hilda saw once again the green-haired man rounding a corner and vanishing into an aisle of books.


    “I’m gonna read for a bit, then I’ll be up,” Hilda quickly said as she made note of exactly where the man was. “Goodnight,” she said as her friend made his way up the second set of stairs. Hilda really had no intention of reading. She had to find out why this guy had been watching them all evening.


    “Goodnight,” Hilbert said back without turning around.


    Alone, Hilda made her way past a long line of empty desks. At the back was a shelf full of laptops that people could book out and use at the desks. Alternatively, people could takes books from the cases lining the rest of the walls and beyond, forming aisles, and read them at the desks too. Hilda made her way through the bookcases, skimming the blurbs of many books including:


    ‘The Six Keys to Ensure Victory in Battle’. Pokémon. Pokémon. Pokémon. Pokémon. Pokémon. Pokémon. No trainer gets no further with no Pokémon. How unoriginal, Hilda thought.
    ‘Deconstructing a Champion: Alder’s Story (Unofficial)’. The story of a child who became a man and then a Champion. After suffering the loss of his most treasured friend, Alder opens his heart on paper and reveals all about his loss, his fame, his girls and his gain! Tacky, Hilda said to herself.
    ‘Behind Every Good Trainer…’. A biopic of a trainer’s journey and his favourite Pokémon Scolipede, his first Pokémon. The book is written entirely from the perspective of the Pokémon, chronically it’s amazing journey from Venipede to Whirlipede to Scolipede and all that happened in-between. Experience the joy and the sadness as this Pokémon struggles under pressure and turns to drugs to survive. Read it all in this epic retelling of this tragic Pokémon’s story. Hilda had no thoughts for this book at all… it was inconceivable. Disturbed, she put it back.


    “Pretty extreme, huh?” A male voice piped up from behind her.


    “What?” Hilda spun around to see the man, dropping the book in the process.


    It was him. The green-haired man. Up close, he didn’t seem as creepy. He looked fairly normal in his white shirt, which covered a black tee, and his tan jeans. His green shoes were a bit weird, but at least they matched his hair. He did have some weird accessory choices though.


    The man bent down and picked up the dropped book, “I don’t like this book. It doesn’t portray the true heart of this Pokémon at all.” He came back up and handed the book to Hilda, staring through her with his blank grey eyes. “I can hear that poor Pokémon even now… her trainer was not a very nice man at all, he forced those things on her,” a tear fell from his eye, but it seemed so mechanical, like a mannequin crying. “He thought it would be funny to see how they would affect that poor creature.” He slammed the book back into the book case.


    For a while, he seemed frozen there, his hand flat against the spine of the book. He leaned into further, as if he was trying to crush it with just the sheer force of his entire being. In the time that all of this had happened, Hilda had completely forgotten why she had come up to the library in the first place.


    “Excuse me?” Hilda asked more tentatively than she normally would, but this guy was making her wicked nervous. “You came into the Pokémon Centre a little while before me and my friends, but you’ve been hanging about up here and watching us all night,” her confidence picked up a bit as her tone became a bit more confrontational. “What’s your deal?”


    The man began to relax. He pulled his hand away and returned to an upright position, facing Hilda.


    “Please accept my apologies,” he bowed his head, “I seem to have forgotten my manners. “He extended his hand out to her. “My name is N,” he introduced, “pleased to meet you.”


    N? Seriously? What the hell kind of a name is N? Hilda thought to herself.


    Unnerved, but needing info, Hilda took his hand, “my name is Hilda.” She shook his hand rather nervously.


    N turned and motioned with his hand to the seating area where Hilda and her friends had all previously sat. “My…” N paused. “Uh…” he thought for a long time. “Friend,” he finally got out, “was sitting with you, but then she left.”


    “Oh!” Hilda was a little surprised at such a simple explanation. “You mean Professor Juniper?”


    “Yes,” N smiled. “I was going to speak with her, but did not wish to intrude on your meeting,” he explained.


    “Oh,” Hilda was still shocked, “cool.” She smiled forcefully at N. “For a second there I thought you were a creepy stalker!” She joked nervously.


    N chuckled along with her, seemingly forcing it himself. “Oh!” He suddenly stepped back, his hands in front of him as if threatened. “Your Pokémon… it just said…” he trailed off.


    What was up with this guy? Hilda thought. “What?” She asked.


    N continued to back off. “I really should get going,” his voice was shaky. “I need to catch up with my friend.” He turned and ran off, tearing down the stairs and out of the door.


    “Weird,” Hilda sighed and shrugged.


    With nothing more to do, Hilda decided to head up to bed and catch some sleep.


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Get ready for Chapter 004 ~ The Oddly Appearing Audino!
    Last edited by Laterna; 20th June 2012 at 05:43 PM.

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    Default Re: Chapter 03 - Basic Accumulation

    Quote Originally Posted by Laterna View Post
    “It's not always black and white,
    But your heart always knows what's right.
    But let the journey begin…”
    Nice little Easter egg you have there. ^^

    The chapter was rather dull in terms of events as nothing much happened, though it's not necessarily a bad thing. The stench issue was resolved quickly much to my shock as I was expecting something to come out of it, hehe, but I guess it's okay since it was kinda foreshadowing this chapter and the National Mode upgrade. I'm also surprised by the unusually close bond which Bianca and Juniper share - I wonder if it has anything to do with Bianca's parents.

    Although honestly, I'm a bit puzzled that a group of teens living in a Pokémon universe wouldn't know what an evolution is, I was really surprised when I read that.

    And N ... he didn't leave much of an impression on me. His appearance was short and confusing, but I guess it was supposed to be that way. But did he refer to prof. Juniper as his friend? Haha, seems like a sad excuse. :P

    It was a solid chapter with great descriptions of Accumula, I liked those.

    Also, one question, will old Pokémon be appearing sooner in your story? Or will you be leaving them for Eastern Unova? I'm asking because I'm surprised their Pokédex was upgraded so soon - does that mean old Pokémon will have their share of appearances as well? Good job! I'm looking forward to more!
    Laterna likes this.

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