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  1. #1
    A cute little robot girl. Satoshi-kun's Avatar Social Media Deputy Coordinator
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    Default Bad Fic Bingo: Pokemon Edition (the adventures of an extremely OOC Ash and friends)

    2013.08.17 edit: Changing this to a teen rating. Naughty language and innuendo, but no actual sex or hardcore violence.

    note: I rated this mature because while there is no sex in this story, there are a few references to sexual activity in this story. So, if you're looking for sex, this is the wrong story. Also, this fic is intentionally bad. The joys of writing a bad fanfic is that I don't have to worry if it's not written well, because that's the point.

    Also, if you're familiar with my previous writings (the Fuck You Pikachu trilogy, etc), you know what to expect... maybe.

    There will be multiple chapters.

    Bad Fic Bingo: Pokemon Edition

    Refer to this card for the inspiration behind this fic. I will NOT be able to include everything from this card in this story. There's only so low that I can sink. I will try to include as much as possible though, just because it'll be fun. Heck, I will even include some of these in ways that they were never intended to be used... just because I'm cool like that and I really don't want to make this a pornographic story. Actually, I think it will be funnier to write a non-pornographic story with a lot of these. Oh joy.

    (lots of out of character-ness is included in this wonderful story)

    Chapter 1: Let's Play Bingo!

    One morning Ash woke up. He had to go to school today (like all days).

    "The Kanto School of Pokemon and Sciences, it has a nice ring to it. I can't wait to hear today's lesson given by Professor Oak-sempai!!!!!!!!!!" Ask exclaimed to himself. He looked next to him at his pal Pikachu, who was still sleeping, with a little drool running from his wet cavern of a mouth.

    "Eww, that's gross, so gross," Ash yelled! "That's as gross as the time that I was at the dentist, and he was discussing what it was like to be a dentist. We had all those pointy tools and we were exploring each others mouths. Well, at least I can now properly clean Pika's teeth. Oh, it sure feels great to have a 180 IQ and pick up all this stuff so easily!"

    Pikachu was not amused. He looked at Ash with his eyes as black as onyx (tee hee, I made a funny ^_^) and thought "aaarrrggghhhh, you're so weird, Ash!"

    Ash ignored Pikachu and went down to breakfast. His mom greeted him with a smile and said "the rooster outside tried to wake you up, but you wouldn't budge. Always getting up with your alarm clock only, it makes the rooster sad. Yes, son, there's a weeping cock outside. I hear that he's going to get together a bunch of tough birds to try to beat you awake next week. They're going to call their gang the 'Ring of Muscle.' It has a nice ring, don't you think?"

    "Mom, hush. I'm trying to eat breakfast. Jeepers creepers!" It was then that Ash put his headphones on to block out the sound of his mom. The first song that came up was "Clusterfuck" by Butt Trumpet, and it went a little like this. "I love you, but I fuck your friends. I love you, but I fuck your friends. I love you, but I fuck your friends. At the same time, all at once, we have fun, we clusterfuck!" This song put Ash in a great mood, and he finished his breakfast and headed out.

    On his way to school, he saw some graffiti on a wall that said "dont ever try having anal sex with no lube really it is not fun," and Ash rolled his eyes at the lack of punctuation.

    Shortly after seeing this sign, he saw his friend/enemy/rival Gary, and he had to dodge Gary as he threw three dots at him. Ash, being more brainy than brawn, totally didn't dodge in time, and the dots hit him.

    "Owie, Fluffy! That's ellipsis abuse! Why did you throw that ellipsis at me! OUCHERS! GOLLY GEE!" Ash yelled.

    "Why are you calling me Fluffy, Ashy-boy? That makes no sense," sighed Gary.

    "Because I have this sudden urge to use nicknames excessively. There's you, Fluffy, there's my pet Pikachu, Pika, there's my mom, Mom, and there's our dumb teacher that I am a million times smarter than, Oak-sempai!!!!!!!!!" explained Ash.

    "Smarter? What the heck, Ash-Ash, aren't you supposed to be dumb as brocks...err...I mean bricks? I mean, Satoshi-kun is paying me $20 to be in this story, but I can only stretch reality so much."

    "We're all being written out of character, Fluffy. I have an IQ of 180 somehow, and I am even a member of PokeMensa somehow... however that happened. I explored my dentist's mouth for some reason. There's a gosh golly danged weeping cock outside trying to get a gang together to beat me up, and I swear that I am going to penetrate that Ring of Muscle gang somehow... I mean, look, things don't make sense, and some kid's already probably called Bingo, so just hush, let's hope that we don't have any more incidents on the way to school that will fill in more squares on the bingo card," groaned Ash.

    The author of this story, Satoshi-kun, pays Gary another $20 to just shut up and play along. Sato knew that starting to charge for user namechanges was a great idea.

    Stay tuned for Chapter 2: No, Ash, We're Not Going To Be Able TO Fill The Whole Card
    Last edited by Satoshi-kun; 17th August 2013 at 07:50 PM.

  2. #2
    A cute little robot girl. Satoshi-kun's Avatar Social Media Deputy Coordinator
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    Default Re: Bad Fic Bingo: Pokemon Edition (the adventures of an extremely OOC Ash and friend

    Chapter 2: No, Ash, We're Not Going To Be Able To Fill The Whole Card

    (Author's notes: I suck at summaries, so I will not summarize the last chapter. Read it again if you already forgot it.)

    "So Ashy-boy," said Gary at the lunch table, "what do you think of school so far this year?"

    "Oh Fluffy, it's alright. I mean, last year was kind of a downer because the school system was being managed by a company called 4Kids who really liked to put us in detention for a lot of things that they deemed 'unfit for television,' whatever that means, and they served really weird food. I mean, there was one time when we were expecting a donut breakfast, but they served us riceballs instead. I mean, what the heck?"

    "Oh, but this year isn't much different, what with PUSA running things, whoever they are. Still a lot of discipline, but I guess nothing will ever be perfect," commented Gary.

    It was at that moment that Ash's other friends arrived at the table. These were all classmates who he had befriended years ago. There was Brock, a shy boy who was very awkward around girls and had an irrational fear of people who wore uniforms. There was Misty, who was an insect collector and whose favorite hobby was bicycle repair. There were the twins, May and Max, who were the rational ones of the group. Dawn and Iris rounded up the group. Dawn was a punk rocker who shunned ordinary fashion, and Iris was a city girl who thought that Ash was more grown-up than he actually was.

    "Hey Ash," Dawn asked, "what did you think of that Butt Trumpet album that I lent you? Punk as fuck, I tell ya. If you liked that, I have a Circle Jerks album that you'll really love. Golden Shower of Hits it's called."

    "Oh neato, that title reminds me of my pet Pikachu, all yellow and golden. Yeah, Butt Trumpet was perfect, it really helped tune my mom out when she was talking about really weird things at breakfast this morning. I really liked that one line on Funeral Crashing that said 'hefty hefty hefty, wimpy wimpy wimpy' over and over again. Reminded me of the lunch that I packed." Dawn was trying to turn Ash into a punk rocker, somewhat imagining him to be a Greg Graffin type, but she constantly felt that he was just somewhat missing the point.

    "Ash, I caught a caterpie today! I accidentally stepped on a weedle though, but that was okay. It was a rather hairy bug," said Misty, super giddy over the thoughts of the bugs that she had recently collected.

    "Guys, I know that we could talk more, but I really need to eat my lunch before I have to spray it with Off! It keeps away the bugs," said Ash.

    "Oh no, not Off! I love bugs," gasped Misty.

    "Fuck yeah, I love Off!" exclaimed Dawn.

    "Yeah, I get it, I get it, now let's eat," said Ash, before taking a bite of his sandwich. As soon as he had finished chewing a bunch of times and swallowing, he looked at Max and said "hey, do you want this piece of candy that I packed with my lunch? It's too much for me to eat along with everything else."

    "No thank you, Ash. I don't particularly enjoy candy," replied Max. Ash, for some reason, always forgot that Max was not a fan of candy. Maybe this one is a bit too out of character, aye? After turning down Ash's offer, Max turned to Brock and said, "hey Brock, you aren't saying anything. What's the deal?"

    "There...are...girls...at...the...table...and...I...don't...know...what...to...say..." Brock replied with much difficulty.

    "Oh hey, we don't bite," said Iris. "We just want to be friends. I know that your main love interest are those guys in that Other Direction band, so I don't think that any of us are planning to give you any unwanted flirtation."

    "Gee whiz, it's One Direction, and I could tell you all about every single member right now, but I won't because Satoshi-kun doesn't know a danged thing about them, nor will he ever," Brock quickly proclaimed, before blushing.

    While this was all going on, Ash had finished eating his lunch, and was standing up to leave.

    "Hey, I'm going to the library to do some research. I plan on memorizing the entire year's worth of textbooks and I'm only three-fourths of the way through them. I'll catch you later," he said as he left the group.

    "He's so grown up," Iris said with admiration.

    Stay tuned for Chapter 3: I Have No Clue What Will Happen Next, But Your Bingo Card Will Probably Be Disappointed
    Last edited by Satoshi-kun; 9th August 2013 at 12:16 PM.

  3. #3
    A cute little robot girl. Satoshi-kun's Avatar Social Media Deputy Coordinator
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    Default Re: Bad Fic Bingo: Pokemon Edition (the adventures of an extremely OOC Ash and friend

    Chapter 3: I Have No Clue What Will Happen Next, But Your Bingo Card Will Probably Be Disappointed

    "Ash, can you answer the question," asked Professor Oak, looking at his star pupil.

    "Of course, Oak-sempai!!!!!!! I would be glad to answer this. You see, in the Kanto-Isshu wars, Doctor Richard Brumburg developed a weapon that was intended to be able to destroy the government building in the Isshu city of G, without harming any innocent civilians. Richard, or Doc Dick as he was more commonly referred to, wanted to be able to take out Isshu's government, but he did not like the idea of harming people who had nothing to do with the war. Thus the G-spot Seeking Dick Missile was constructed and that helped us gain the advantage in the arms race. Fortunately it never had to be used, and later it was melted down and used as building materials for the construction of educational facilities. As a matter of fact, this school building has a little bit of the Dick Missile in its foundation as well. Does that answer your question sufficiently, Oak-sempai!!!!!!!!!?" was the response given by Ash.

    "Well, that is a little more than was needed, but yes Ash, the G-spot Seeking Dick Missile was what gave us the advantage over Isshu's Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon," replied Oak.

    "Someone's going to get sued for that Gintama reference," snickered Max.

    "BINGO!" shouted May.

    "What was that, May?" asked Oak.

    "Umm, nothing. Forget I said that," said May.

    "Anyways, carrying on," said Oak, "that concludes today's lesson about the Kanto-Isshu wars, and I expect all of you to read pages forty-five through sixty-eight in your text book. I would have told you to read through to sixty-nine, but you probably were expecting that, and I am a little troll."

    At that moment, the class bell made its class bell sounds, and everyone stood up to leave. Max ran to catch up with Ash.

    "Ash, do you have any plans for after school? I was planning on going to the ramen stand to have a nice carbohydrate-filled after school snack. I would enjoy your company if you do not have any plans."

    "Max, I was about to ask if it was okay to mention Japanese food, because even though we are all characters from a Japanese-based entertainment franchise, I know that there were some restrictions as to what we could say here at school, but then I remembered that 4kids no longer runs this school, so sure!" While saying this, Ash put his school shoes in his locker and grabbed his sneakers.

    "Oh Ash, always over thinking things. You're such a grown-up," sighed Iris, admiringly. "Would you like to come over to my house and do more grown-up things?" she asked dreamily.

    "Umm, gee, I don't know what you're talking about, Iris," replied Ash. "I was planning on accompanying Max to a ramen stand and have a discourse about each other's after school dietary habits over a bowl of our favorite after school dietary dish."

    "Ash, I don't think that there's anything 'dietary' about what we're about to eat, but sure, whatever you say," groaned Max, who was rolling his eyes.

    "Shucks! I guess I'll catch up with you boys later," sighed Iris.

    As Iris left, Max grabbed Ash's shirt sleeve and pulled him. "Food now, I'm hungry enough to eat anything that moves. Anyways, thanks for coming with me. It's always nice to enjoy a meal with a friend, and I always enjoy spending time with you," he said while blushing a little.

    "Yaoi!" squawked a bird overhead.


    Upon arriving at the International House of Ramen, as the ramen place was strangely named, Max and Ash found a table and sat down to wait on a server.

    "Konnichiwa, ohayo, moshi moshi, RAMEN!" greeted their waiter.

    "Umm... what?" both boys said at once.

    "BINGO!" shouted someone from the kitchen.

    "Oh, sorry, welcome to the International House of Ramen. I am your server, but you can just refer to me as the ramen king."

    "Umm, if you are the ramen king, then I am Manta," said Ash while rolling his eyes.

    "Wrong series, but you kinda do go through books like that shonen manga character," said Max. "First a Gintama reference, now a Shaman King reference, good grief. Please don't let us get sued by the Weekly Jump magazine people," he whispered to himself.

    "Food. We have food," said the waiter. "What do you want to eat? Please order something that we have on the menu, because if you order something else, we won't have it."

    "Fuzzy pickles!" shouted Ash.

    "Sakuma drops!" yelled Max.

    "Hey, wait, I thought you didn't like candy," said Ash with a confused look on his face.

    "I don't, but it's also not on the menu, just like those fuzzy pickles," replied Max.

    "Oh, you kids want the Earthbound platter and the Grave of the Fireflies bowl? Gotcha, coming right up!" their waiter happily exclaimed.

    "Please don't let us get sued, please don't let us get sued, please don't let us get sued," Max chanted quietly to himself.

    "I wonder what exactly is going to be in those dishes that we just accidentally ordered," Ash pondered out loud.

    "I don't know, but I have a feeling that we'll either be traumatized or crying at the end of the meal," groaned Max.

    "Well, all I know is that I'm starting to feel a bit hungry myself. As long as it's delicious and gives me the energy to study, I'm fine with it," said Ash, who was suddenly noticing the rumbling sound that his stomach was making.

    The boys discussed the classes that they both had together while waiting on their meal, and soon their food arrived. The two platters were quickly devoured, and soon the two left the ramen joint.

    "Well, I guess I'll see you in school tomorrow, Max," said Ash, shaking Max's hand.

    "That sounds like a plan! Now I need to go home and hit the books. See you tomorrow!" Max said as he waved farewell. After Ash walked away, Max blushed deeply and said to himself, "I don't care if we all get sued, Ash just held my hand for a second!"

    "Yaoi!" squawked another bird who was flying overhead at that moment.

    "What's with these weird birds," mumbled Max to nobody in particular.

    Stay tuned for Chapter 4: I Ship, You Ship, We All Ship for Fish and Chips!

  4. #4
    A cute little robot girl. Satoshi-kun's Avatar Social Media Deputy Coordinator
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    Default Re: Bad Fic Bingo: Pokemon Edition (the adventures of an extremely OOC Ash and friend

    Chapter 4: I Ship, You Ship, We All Ship for Fish and Chips!

    One day, as school was ending, Ash was suddenly surrounded by girls. Now, in many cases this would mean that the guy would consider himself to be the luckiest guy on earth, but Ash was more interested in his studies than in girls. Fortunately for him, these girls were his friends, none of whom had romantic interests in him, or so he believed. No, these were his friends that he met when he was in elementary school, Misty, May, Dawn, and Iris.

    "Hey Ash, Max can't stop talking about eating ramen with you. It's making me jealous, we need to go out and do something fun," said an excited May.

    "Umm..." said Ash, before he was interrupted by Iris.

    "I want to go spend some time in the city, and I want you to come along. You're so grown up that you'd know all the fun grown up things to do," she said.

    "Uhh..." said Ash, but again he was interrupted.

    "Bugs! Bugs! Bugs!" shouted Misty. "I wanna go look at bugs! I wanna go to the city and look at the bugs in the trees! I wanna look at the bugs on the street! I wanna see the bugs in the rain puddles! I wanna see the bugs on the bums! BUGS!!!!"

    "W-w-w-what t-t-the..." stutted an overwhelmed Ash before Dawn walked in front of him.

    "Fuck all that noise! You're coming with me and we're going to the city to go record shopping! There's a reissue of Flag of Democracy's 23 album coming out and I am getting that bad boy, and you're going to listen to it!" she practically commanded.

    "Um...um...um..." Ash sputtered and stuttered, as he was not prepared for something like this.

    As he was trying to string together some words that might make sense, Max came up from behind, patted him on the back, and said in a calm voice, "look everyone, you're scaring poor Ash here. It sounds like all of you want him to accompany you to the city, so wouldn't it just be better if we all went as a group? Everyone can spend their time with Ash, and Ash won't feel like he's being drawn and quartered."

    "Okay," all the girls mumbled at once.

    "So, we'll meet up tomorrow, since it's Saturday and school's out," said Max. "It sounds like a total anime cliche, I just can't wait!"

    "Fine, fine," all the girls said, rather unenthusiastically, and everyone went on their way.

    "Typical glasses character," muttered Dawn under her breath.

    "I should just put a bag full of cockroaches in his locker," said Misty to herself.

    "That boy is just trying to act like a grown-up," said Iris.

    "Max just wants to look good in front of Ash... Ash is probably the only one who doesn't realize that Max has a crush on him. Even the birds know it," said May quietly with a sigh.

    Max turned to follow Ash. When he caught up, he said, "look, it won't be so bad. We'll all spend a day in the city, and maybe we'll even have fun! Anyways, wanna go for ramen again?"

    "Yeah, I guess it'll be okay," Ash replied, "at least you'll be there to keep things from getting out of hand. As for the ramen, I'd love to, but I promised Gary that he could come over and I'd help him with his homework."

    "Oh, okay. Well, I guess that I'll see you tomorrow," said Max as he walked in the direction of the ramen place.


    Ash woke up the next morning feeling refreshed, but also anxious about the activities that were in store for his day. He rolled out of bed, and grabbed the clothes that he had set out on his desk to wear.

    He had spent an hour the night before trying on various articles of clothing in hopes of finding something that he would be happy with. Unfortunately for him, most of his clothes that weren't school uniforms consisted of white button-up shirts with pocket protectors in the front pockets, as well as lab coats, so many lab coats. His first choice was his Brooks Brothers lab coat, which he coupled with his plain white Versace button-up shirt, his Armani high-water pants, and his Rolex glasses that were held together with the finest Italian snakeskin tape. Pikachu was unimpressed. He then took off every item of clothing (completely not noticing the row of hidden cameras placed in various parts of his room, transmitting every dressing and undressing action to every person who he would be visiting tomorrow. Pikachu knew, but Pikachu didn't care. "Let them all have their fun," he thought, "I'm the only one who shares a bed with him, so they can bite me").

    Finally, after trying on various sets of outrageously expensive designer clothing that screamed out "I'm a complete and total nerd," he found the section in the back of his closet where all the clothing that he received for Christmas every year was stored. Fortunately for him, everyone else had good tastes in clothing, and he finally found something that made Pikachu sing with approval. This is what he put on now.

    Ash walked down to have a quick bite of breakfast before leaving to meet up with everyone. Fortunately his mom was still asleep, so he didn't have to hear any strange conversations while attempting to meet his AM calorie quota. Soon after scarfing down a bowl of Poke-O's, filling out the Palkia's Pals Fun Club membership card on the back of the box, and putting it into an envelope to drop off in a mailbox while he was out, he grabbed his messenger bag and walked to the door to leave. As he was about to open the door, Pikachu stood in front of him, blocking his way.

    "No, I'm not going to leave you. Here, jump in my bag." Pikachu jumped into the bag that was hanging on Ash's side, poking his head out so that he could see the scenery. While he preferred to stand on Ash's shoulder, he knew that this was the quickest way to get kicked out of practically any store that they went into. Stealth was a necessity for a boy and his Pokemon when shopping. At least Pikachu was still able to hang out with Ash, because Pikachu enjoyed being with Ash's friends. Pikachu also liked to make sure that he was able to zap anyone who got too flirty with Ash, unless that person met his approval.

    Now Ash left the house, with his Pikachu-filled bag. As they entered the street, they saw Max.

    "Hey Ash, thought I'd meet up with you so that we could walk to the train station together," he said happily.

    "Eh, Max, I know that you live about twenty minutes away. Why didn't you just meet up with me at the downtown station with everyone else?"

    "Umm...umm...umm...crap. I guess...umm...I'm dumb and didn't think it through? Will that work?" he stammered.

    "You and your sister get the second highest scores in the school, so the dumb excuse doesn't make any sense. Anyways, I don't care, it's nice to have you here, but we're going to be late if we keep talking," Ash said in reply to Max's extremely lame excuse. He then grabbed Max's hand and ran as fast as he could to the train station.

    "This is exactly why I made out-of-the-way trip to Ash's house," Max thought to himself. Fortunately he was behind Ash being pulled so that Ash couldn't see how crimson his face was due to the usual blushing.

    "Yaoi!" screamed the rooster who usually hung around Ash's house. Pikachu just rolled his eyes.


    After an uneventful bus ride, Ash and Max finally arrived at the downtown train station, ready for the day's activities. All the girls were waiting outside of the station as they walked out, and they all gave Max dirty looks. Every single one of them wished that they had thought to meet up with Ash at his house as well.

    "So, now that we're all together, should we head to the Palkia's Pals Funtime Arcade and attempt to beat the crap out of each other in some video games?" Ash asked everyone.

    "Well, I was thinking about heading to the record store," said Dawn. "There's the Flag of Democracy reissue that I told you about, and May and I were talking while waiting on you and she was interested in hearing some Bikini Kill. I thought that maybe I could turn her onto some bands, and then after that we could do some girl stuff."

    "Yuri!" suggested a pigeon.

    "Maybe!" shouted May.

    With that, Dawn and May went off in the direction of the record store, and Ash was left with the rest of the group.

    "Hey, where's Misty?" Ash asked. Max and Iris pointed at some roadkill in the middle of the road.

    "Oh my flipping golly gee gosh! Look at all these bugs!" she exclaimed as she pulled out a magnifying glass. "The rest of you can go on, I have a date with some bugs!"

    Pikachu hid in Ash's bag so as not to see, because he didn't want to hurl. Ash, Max, and Iris just walked away.

    "Misty sure does enjoy spending time with bugs. I hope that she has hand sanitizer with her, because I could name about fifty diseases that she could get from that roadkill," Ash groaned.

    "You're so grown-up," Iris said.

    They made their way down the street, where they eventually stopped in front of the Palkia's Pals Funtime Arcade.

    "This is so not grown-up!" yelled Iris. She then pointed to the love motel next door to the arcade and said, "that, on the other hand, is grown-up."

    Ash and Max looked at each other, looked at Iris, rolled their eyes and entered the arcade.

    "Hey, hey, wait for me! Wait for me!" shouted Iris as she ran inside the Arcade to catch up to the two boys.

    Stay Tuned for Chapter 5: But Iris, Grown-ups Play Arcade Games Too!
    Last edited by Satoshi-kun; 11th August 2013 at 02:12 AM.

  5. #5
    Merciless Goddess Misty's Avatar Retired Staff
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    Default Re: Bad Fic Bingo: Pokemon Edition (the adventures of an extremely OOC Ash and friend

    This fiX is AAA with chocolate milks and we eagerly await the neXt chapter (IMO)
    Satoshi-kun likes this.

  6. #6
    A cute little robot girl. Satoshi-kun's Avatar Social Media Deputy Coordinator
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    Default Re: Bad Fic Bingo: Pokemon Edition (the adventures of an extremely OOC Ash and friend

    Chapter 5: But Iris, Grown-ups Play Arcade Games Too

    As the three teens entered the Palkia's Pals Funtime Arcade, they were greeted by two things. First, they were greeted by the electronic music and sound effects coming from the many various video games that were crammed into the large building. Second, they were greeted by the arcade's mascot, Palkia. He was a cartoon character that was on television every Saturday morning, always fighting crime, saving kids, and beating up bad guys.

    "Hullo kids, It's a me, Palkia," he joyfully sang in a deep goofy voice.

    "Who's that?" asked Iris.

    "That, Iris, is the main character of Palkia's Pals Fun Show. He's the greatest superhero that television has ever known, and has been a Saturday morning staple since we were all kids," answered Max.

    "Well, it looks like one big set of co..." Iris started to say, before being interrupted by Max.

    "Yes, yes, he's a walking innuendo. We all know that, but we choose to ignore it, for sanity's sake. Occasionally he will point to his neck and say 'hey kids, if any bad grownup touches something that looks like this, you must tell your parents, as well as a police officer. It's called a bad touch, and it's really bad.' Great message, but I don't know how this show is able to stay on TV!"

    "Whatever he looks like, it's... so grown-up!" Iris gleefully exclaimed. Having said this, Iris hugged the person in the Palkia suit and said, "look, you, me, love motel. I just want to spend the next few hours looking at you, you glorious innuendo." She then tried to kidnap the horrified person in the Palkia mascot suit. Fortunately some local police officers were around.

    "Looks like trouble," said one.

    "Welcome to the jungle," said the other.

    "You just messed up the lines," said the first.

    "So what? Kiss my behind," said the second.

    "Jessie!" said the first, who was named Jessie.

    "James!" said the second, whose name was just given away as well.

    "The local city police with handcuffs ready," Jessie said.

    "Something, something, leather teddy!" shouted James.

    "Dammit James, you really suck at this pre-arrest speech thing," said Jessie with a sigh, "just slap the handcuffs on this crazy girl."

    "I wouldn't miss it for the world," James replied while putting Iris' hands behind her back and cuffing her.

    "Oh my god!" yelled Iris, "this is so grown-up! Holy crap, I hope you guys put me in general population before mommy and daddy bails me out!"

    Jessie and James took a smiling Iris out of the arcade, and she skipped and jumped for joy as she was led to their police car.

    "Umm... what the heck just happened?" asked Ash.

    "Ash, I think you'll sleep better at night if you just don't think about it. Anyways, let's go beat the crap out of each other in some fighting games!" said Max in reply.

    The two got some change and looked around at the various video game machines.

    "Hey Ash, let's play that one over there. It's called Ball Monsters! It's a game where we keep realistic animals inside of tiny balls, and summon them to fight when we need them. It's a fighting game, and I bet that I could kick your butt!" gleefully exclaimed Max.

    "Max, I know you could. I spend all my time studying, so I am not as familiar with these games as you are." Ash said.

    "You and those books. It's a wonder you can even see anymore, with all those books that you read on a daily basis." Max groaned. Max was an avid reader of fiction, but he couldn't imagine having his nose stuck in textbooks as much as Ash did.

    Max led Ash over to the Ball Monsters machine. The logo was a giant Steelix with two red and white balls at his base, with BALL MONSTERS in all caps superimposed over the image.

    "Max, that game logo is even more of an innuendo than Palkia! I'm...a little aroused. Anyways, what are those two balls at his base?" said Ash, who was blushing a little at the logo.

    "Oh Ash, you really are missing out. Those are Animal Balls. In the fictional world of this game, you take the various wild creatures that wander around our world and you beat the crap out of them and then stuff them inside of a tiny ball. Don't think too much about it, you kinda have to suspend reality a bit. Anyways, when you have caught some animals in the Animal Balls, you carry them around with you and take them out when you want to fight other people who have Animal Balls hanging off of their belts. It's really fun, you can even fight with a Pikachu." Max said very rapidly. Fighting games were his passion, and he had fallen in love with this particular game.

    Pikachu, on the other hand, was shivering in Ash's bag with fright at the idea of being trapped inside a little ball and forced to fight. "No way, Jose would I ever do that. Thank goodness that this is all fictional," he thought to himself. He considered zapping Max with a little electricity for even saying such things, but Pikachu kinda liked Max. He was a good friend to Ash, and he did help bring Ash out of his shell a bit.

    Ash and Max took a controller on the machine, fed some coins into it, and started a game. For the next few hours, the two boys beat the crap out each others animals in the fighting game. While it was a bit disturbing seeing actual animals fighting, at least the company who programmed the game had the sense to not include any blood. Some game companies are just more family friendly than others, apparently. Finally, the two decided that it was time to leave and find the rest of their friends. They played a final round, where Ash amazingly beat Max, and then shook each others hands, said "good game," and left.

    As they left the arcade, they spotted May and Dawn. Dawn had a bag full of records, and May was sporting a mohawk.

    "What happened to you two?" Ash asked.

    "Well, we went to pick up some records, and I let May hear some of my favorite bands. First I started with the happy sounds of Tiger Trap, then we got into the fun sounds of Bikini Kill and The Slits. We listened to all sorts of kickass girls who prove that anyone can fucking rock. And then..." Dawn started to explain, before being interrupted by May.

    "And then I got a fucking mohawk! Punk as fuck, I tell ya! Thank you for turning me on to this great stuff!" shouted May.

    "And you two... you two are holding hands. What's with that?" asked Max.

    "Oh, Dawn's a great girl, and we decided that this was kinda like a date. I'm sure you understand," said May.

    "I understand. Lucky you," sighed Max, as he longingly looked over at Ash.

    Suddenly they heard the sounds of a loud motorcycle behind them. They all turned around and saw Misty sitting on top of a large chopper.

    "Misty? What the hell?" shouted Max.

    "Well, I was looking at the bugs on the roadkill when I suddenly saw a sign that said 'bike shop.' Well, if there's anything that I love more than bugs, it's working on bicycles. Well anyways, I went into the shop, and it turned out to be a motorcycle shop, and not a bicycle shop. Well, the big tough dudes in the shop took one look at me and asked me what I knew about motorcycles. Well, I know a little, I guess, and I impressed them, and they told me that if I could build myself a chopper, they'd let me have it. Well, I did," she said while revving the motorcycle. Loud sounds came from the exhaust.

    "Punk as fuck!" shouted May and Dawn in awe.

    "You two want a ride?" Misty asked May and Dawn.

    "Umm, is it safe to have three people on a motorcycle?" asked Ash. "You three might get arrested like that."

    "Fuck authority!" shouted Dawn as she and May got on the back of the motorcycle. As soon as the three of them were securely on, Misty sped off.

    "Well, that was weird." said Ash.

    "So, I guess it's just the two of us now. Iris will still be in Jail, I would imagine. Shall we catch a train back home?" asked Max.

    "Sure, might as well. Hopefully nothing else weird will happen," Ash said.

    The two entered the train station and got their tickets. As soon as the train back to their area arrived, they got on and sat down. The spent the time playing with Pikachu, who had decided that he couldn't stand being cooped up in the bag any longer. Nothing as more fun to this Pikachu than having friends to play with, and these two boys knew how to make Pikachu happy. All three of them were a little sad when Max's station came up and he left. Pikachu snuggled up to Ash and they rode home in silence.

    As Max walked home, he sighed to himself and said, "if only I was a book, then maybe Ash would understand me a little better. Well, at least we got to be together today, that was fun."

    "Yaoi!" screeched a flock of seagulls.

    "Yes, yes, I get it already," Max yelled at them.

    Pikachu and Ash soon were at their station and they left the train and started to walk home. Pikachu, for the most part, had a good day with Ash as well. He was still a little freaked out at how gleefully the two boys were making animals fight in that video game, but Pikachu wasn't a member of PETA, so he knew the difference between fiction and reality. Soon they were home, and Ash took Pikachu up to his bedroom and jumped onto his bed.

    "My goodness, that wore me out! What a fun day though," he panted. He then stripped down to his briefs, which had Palkia designs on them, a special gift from last year's Palkia's Pals Fun Club, and he snuggled with Pikachu. "Pikachu, I hope you had a good time! I kinda missed reading, but not that much. Friendship is magic!"

    Max watched this from his computer monitor in his house, which was receiving the feed from the camera that he had hidden in Ash's room, and he said "oh lordy, I really hope that we don't get sued." He then continued whatever it was that he usually did while viewing his "Ash-cam."

    Back at Ash's house, Ash closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep for a little nap. Pikachu lay on top of Ash's chest and thought about the day. The most fun that he had during the day was when Ash and Max were playing with him together. He would have to find some way to bring them together more often.

    Stay Tuned for Chapter 6: I Really Have No Idea Where I'm Going With This

  7. #7
    A cute little robot girl. Satoshi-kun's Avatar Social Media Deputy Coordinator
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    Default Re: Bad Fic Bingo: Pokemon Edition (the adventures of an extremely OOC Ash and friend

    Chapter 6: I Really Have No Idea Where I'm Going With This

    The time: 2068! The country: Kanto! The country is controlled by evil space elves, and humanity has lost all hope. Humans have been deemed inferior, and have been enslaved and forced to work for the "superior" space elves. What humanity needs is a hero.

    A hero.

    Like... dun dun dun, PALKIA! Palkia, the big, long hero who is absolutely throbbing with heroism, and a love for all humans. He is the walking innuendo who fights the evil space elves and makes Kanto a safe place for humans once more. PALKIA!

    And now, kids, it's time for the Palkia's Pals Fun Show, starring Palkia, and his group of human friends who are known as Palkia's Pals. When they all team up, there is nothing that they cannot achieve! They are unstoppable!

    Palkia's Pals, featuring Muffy, the beautiful woman who can charm anyone with her beauty, and beat up anyone with her super strength. There's Tommy, the dashing brave warrior who can hug the softest kitties one moment, and slice an evil space elf in half the next. There's Poindexter, who can hack any computer system that the evil space elves set up, and can destroy elf ships with his laser vision! Last, but not least, there's Teena, the gymnist who can nimbly get past any evil space elf base's security, and can fly with her SUPER DUPER WINGS! Holy crap, kids, aren't these some of the most badass mofos to ever be on television? Yes? Yes? Of flippin course! It's Palkia and Palkia's Pals, nothing gets more exciting than this!

    Last week on the Palkia's Pals Fun Hour, Poindexter was infiltrating the computer systems of the main space elf house of evil dictatorship. Now, will we see the fruits of his labor?

    "Hey guys, come look at this," he yelled.

    "Did you find any weaknesses?" asked Tommy.

    "No, the only thing that I found were dirty pictures," replied Poindexter.

    "Eww, I knew that they were all a bunch of perverts," said Muffy in disgust.

    "Well, it appears that the only way to crack their foundations is to penetrate them where it'll hurt. We'll have to have Palkia penetrate them from the back door," said Teena, with a grin.

    "Did someone say penetrate?" asked Palkia, who was entering the control room.

    "Yes! Back door penetration!" shouted Palkia's Pals.

    "Damn, I love this job!" yelled Palkia.

    They all boarded the Palkia Stealth Jet 69 and set out to the final space elf stronghold. As they neared it, little fighter ships started to fly at their ship.

    "Oh dash, it's the space elves evil army fighters, and they've sent out their two best squads, the Scabies and the Crabs!" shouted Muffy.

    "Hold on, let me boot up the console and I'll zap them all!" yelled Poindexter.

    "There's not enough time! I'm going on top of the ship and use my Pubiconium Sword to slice as many as I can until you're online Poin," said Tommy.

    "Good plan. Now, as soon as we exterminate these pests, you somersault on down to the backdoor with Palkia, Teena, and you help him penetrate their filthy back door!" yelled Poindexter.

    Soon the team of Tommy and Poindexter were destroying the Scabies and Crabs one by one, Tommy using his Pubiconium Sword and Poindexter using his Bikiniwax Lasers. Soon enough of the baddies had been eradicated to allow Palkia and Teena to work their way down to the back door. As soon as they did, the rest of the Pals landed the Palkia Stealth Jet and got out.

    Soon Palkia had erected himself to his full length and was pounding mercilessly at the back door of the evil fortress. Teena was covering him from behind, making sure that no loose Scabies or Crabs were able to break Palkia's concentration.

    "I keep pokin' and pokin', but I just can't get through!" Palkia screamed.

    "Now, now, sometimes entering a tight hole requires a woman's touch," said Muffy. "When it comes to tight holes, I'm your girl!" With that, Muffy stood in front of the hole, and started walking in very slowly. The hole started to open up, and soon it revealed a door. This was quick work for the ultra-strong Muffy, and soon she had broken down the door and everyone slipped in.

    They soon found themselves inside a large room without any windows. The hole where the door that they broke was suddenly blocked by bars.

    "Ha ha ha ha, I see that you came, Palkia," spoke a very evil sounding voice.

    "Oh, I came alright. I'm always coming and raining on your evil parade, evil space elf Virginicus!" Palkia shouted.

    "Oh, but you know that you can't come twice in a row, and I think that you may have just come for the last time," yelled Virginicus. He then gave out an evil chuckle. As he chuckled, cages descended from the ceiling and entrapped each of Palkia's Pals separately.

    "Oh gee whiz, we can't beat him off alone, and we can't beat him off while we're trapped," yelled Tommy.

    "We can't even transform into the giant Pal Mecha when we're separated like this," moaned Muffy.

    "Whatever shall we do?" asked Poindexter.

    Yes, kids, whatever shall they do? Stay tuned for next week's episode of the Palkia's Pals Fun Show and see! Will the pals be able to free themselves, erect their Pal Mecha, and save the day, or Virginicus destroy them all with his Scabies and Crabs?


    Ash hit the "off" button on his remote.

    "Wow, Max, that was an intense show!" he gleefully exclaimed.

    "Yeah, but I think that the writing has gone to heck. Every episode is just pure innuendo now, and they always leave me feeling itchy," Max said, while scratching the front of his pants.

    "Pikapika!" shouted Pikachu, which was Pikachu for "you kids watch the weirdest crap!"

    "Anyways Ash, thanks for having me over."

    "No prob, it's always nice to watch Palkia's Pals with pals. Hopefully next week's episode will finish this current story arc," Ash replied.

    "So, see you tomorrow at school?" asked Max as he was opening Ash's door to leave.

    "Yep!" said Ash.


    Max left Ash's house and walked toward the train station.

    "I really need to thank Satoshi-kun for this chapter. It was terrible filler, but I got to lay next to Ash on his bed and watch television," he said to himself. "Unfortunately it will still be five years before he finally recognizes my feelings for him, at the rate we're going."

    "Hoothoot, hoothoot," an owl said.

    "What? The birds aren't saying 'yaoi?' Finally I'm starting to get some respect around here," Max said.

    Stay tuned for Chapter 7: No Max, Nobody Is Getting Sued

  8. #8
    A cute little robot girl. Satoshi-kun's Avatar Social Media Deputy Coordinator
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    Default Re: Bad Fic Bingo: Pokemon Edition (the adventures of an extremely OOC Ash and friend

    Chapter 7: No Max, Nobody Is Getting Sued

    A few weeks after Iris had been arrested, she was sitting in her posh bedroom watching television. Her bailing out had been very swift, and because her parents were billionaires, the police had decided to drop all the charges. Of course, while policepersons Jessie and James were not the sort to accept bribes as a general rule, they had decided that the teenaged girl didn't deserve to have her life ruined, and they felt that the money being thrown at them would make for a wonderful donation to the local children's home.

    On the television was the Palkia's Pals Fun Show. Normally, Iris would not watch anything that she deemed to be "not grown-up," but after her recent run-in with Palkia at the city arcade, she had fallen in love with how much of a "grown-up" innuendo Palkia was. On the television, Palkia had just defeated the evil space elf Virginicus with his special weapon, the Dildoic Saber, which was just like a light...

    "HEY! I don't want to get sued over here," Max interrupted the narrator.

    ...light something-or-other... yes. So after the ending credits, an announcement came on the television.

    "Hey kids, Palkia here. When I'm fighting baddies, I can usually get them with the help of my Pals, but sometimes I find myself in a tight spot and I need a little help loosening things up first with my Dildoic Saber. With a few thrusts with my Dildoic Saber, I can usually just slip into action and me and the Pals can save the day. Now, sometimes in real life, even you watchers might just have a need to loosen things up, which is why I have a holy truckload of Dildoic Sabers to give to all of you dedicated viewers. Now, when life gets a little too hard, and you need to loosen up a tight spot, you can poke, prod, and prime it first with your very own Dildoic Saber." Palkia then whipped out his very own Dildoic Saber and spun it around a few times, before he gave the camera a knowing wink.

    The announcer's voice then came on and said, "kids, you can have your very own Dildoic Saber, but you must mail in an essay to the Palkia's Pals heardquarters. The essay must be a heartfelt description of how you feel that your youth is fun, and why you never want to grow up! Warm our hearts with your youthfulness and we'll send you your very own Dildoic Saber!"

    Iris turned the television off and exclaimed, "I need it! I must have a Dildoic Saber! That is so grown-up! The only problem is, I hate being young, I want to be grown-up! How can I write an essay like that?"

    She thought for a moment, and decided that she should call her friend Dawn, who she felt was immature and a bit too young at heart. She picked up her phone and dialed.

    "Spray paint the walls!" Dawn yelled into the phone as a greeting.

    "Umm, yeah, sure. So, Dawn, tell me about being immatur...err...young at heart," Iris said into the phone.

    "I have no time to think about being young," Dawn yelled, "the fucking Cardiacs online store just reopened, and I can finally get my hands on some of their albums without paying over a hundred bucks on eBay! Still pricy though, what with the band being British and everything selling in pounds, but still, much cheaper! Don't bug me unless you want to give me some money to contribute to my purchases!"

    "Umm... I'm not giving you money to waste on those loud funk bands," Iris groaned.

    "Punk, not funk! Funk albums have titles like 'Free Your Mind... and Your Ass Will Follow,' and punk albums have titles like 'Wild in the Streets!' You won't help me, I won't help you. Piss off!" yelled Dawn before hanging up the phone.

    "Well shucks, I guess I'll give the twins a call. Max or May should be able to help me," she said as she dialed.

    "Umm, hello?" Max answered, panting.

    "Hello Max," said Iris, "tell me about youth. How do you feel about being young and all that?"

    "Iris, I watch the Palkia's Pals Fun Show too, so I know exactly what you are after. Sorry, but I plan on winning one for myself, because when Palkia penetrated that evil lair's back door, I knew that I needed a Dildoic Saber of my very own, for my very own...umm...penetration needs. Besides, you're interrupting me while I'm watching my Ash-cam. Also, May won't help you either, as she has her own Dildoic Saber needs, so go call a cactus!" Max said, before ending the call.

    "Oh fiddlesticks!" Iris yelled, "nobody will tell me what it's like to be a kid! I'd call Ash, but he's so grown-up that I doubt he'd know. Maybe I should call him anyway." She dialed Ash's number.

    "Pika? Pikachu!" Pikachu said into the phone.

    "Umm... could I speak to Ash?" Iris asked, wondering if Pikachu would even understand her.

    "Pikapi? Pika!!!" Pikachu exclaimed. A moment later she heard Ash's voice on the line.

    "Hi Iris," he said.

    "Umm, how did you know that it was me?" Iris asked.

    "Oh, I can kinda understand Pikachu sometimes. He said it was you on the phone. Anyways, what do you need?"

    "Well, I was wondering what it was like to be young. You see, I want to win a phallic saber off a television show, and I need to write an essay," Iris said.

    "Oh, you want a Dildoic Saber! Sure, just write any sort of silly fluffy stuff you can think of," Ash replied.

    "Like what?" asked Iris.

    "Oh, like talk about puppies and kittens and how much you enjoy frolicking through freshly mowed lawns. That seems to be the sort of thing that kids do. Not that I'd know, I only frolic through text. Anyways, that should help you win that toy," Ash told her.

    "Umm, that sounds sappy enough to win! Thanks, Ash!" Iris happily exclaimed.

    "Sure thing. Anyways, I'm doing some reading right now, so I need to let you go. Good luck writing that thing," Ash said, before terminating the call.

    Immediately after Ash ended the call, Iris pulled out some paper and started to compose her essay. She spend the next hour writing nonstop. As soon as she had finished, she put the essay into an envelope and ran it down to the mailbox.


    A few days later, a package about twelve inches long arrived in Iris' box. Well, her mailbox, that is. Enclosed was a letter:

    Dear Iris,

    Thank you for helping Palkia remember the power of youth. You, along with the other kids in Kanto who wrote in, have given us ideas that will help keep the show running with fun for the next year.

    Enclosed is your Dildoic Saber. Batteries are included. Please use this wisely, and remember to enjoy life to the fullest.

    Yours truly,
    The Palkia's Pals Writing Team

    Inside the package, along with the letter, was a beautiful Dildoic Saber, fit for a king (or queen). Iris felt a peace with herself, and she felt that maybe this "being young at heart" thing wasn't all that bad. She went into her house with the package, all while giggling like a schoolgirl.

    Stay tuned for Chapter 8: How Much Longer Can This Go On?
    Last edited by Satoshi-kun; 15th August 2013 at 04:11 PM.

  9. #9
    A cute little robot girl. Satoshi-kun's Avatar Social Media Deputy Coordinator
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    Default Re: Bad Fic Bingo: Pokemon Edition (the adventures of an extremely OOC Ash and friend

    I've been a very bad boy. I wrote myself into a chapter that I really didn't have any decent material for, so I made most of the chapter filler. But that's okay, it's bad fanfiction!

    Chapter 8: How Much Longer Can This Go On?

    "Why are we working on a farm today?" asked Gary.

    "Because I had been reading this manga called Golden Fork, and I kinda wanted to get some experience to match all the research into farming that the manga inspired me to do," said Ash.

    "Oh no, I think I'm knee-deep in a lawsuit," grumbled Max.

    "No, my dear Max, that is manure," said Ash. "That's cow poop."

    "I know what manure is!" yelled Max. "I still am wondering how I let you talk me into this!"

    "Hey kids, no slacking off on Palkia's Fun Farm," said a guy in a Palkia suit in a goofy voice. Palkia was here because this was the local farm. Because this was not a rural area, the only local farm was an educational farm that was run by the company that produced the Palkia's Pals Fun Show. Any member of the Palkia's Pals Fun Club were allowed to come visit, take a tour, or even enjoy a day's worth of unpaid labor whenever they wished. The day's worth of unpaid labor is what Ash was somehow able to talk his friends into doing today.

    So far, throughout the day, the three friends had to chase chickens around, all while getting pecked. They also had to listen to Palkia go on about the roosters, or the "big proud cocks" as he called them. They had to pick corn, tend to Palkia's Moonshine Still (which didn't have any real alcohol in it, it was just there for show), and grind wheat into flour.

    Finally, Max took a look at his watch and said "look guys, it's about time we left."

    Ash looked at Max and said "but the chapter just started."

    Gary looked at both Max and Ash and said "I haven't gotten any screentime since chapter two, and just a brief mention after that. You can't end the chapter now!"

    "Well, I have an idea, you guys," said Ash.

    "Yes? Yes? We're waiting," said both Max and Gary.

    "Well, we could go over the bingo card and see if we've missed anything." As Ash said that, everyone pulled their Badfic Bingo cards out of their pockets. All three of them looked them over, and Palkia even walked behind them and looked at the cards over their shoulders.

    "Hey kids, there haven't been any author's notes tha make up 1/3 of the chapter," Palkia said in his usual goofy voice.

    "Well, I tend to think that the writer of this story isn't going to sink to that low of a level," said Max.

    "Hey guys, what about this 'Mary Sue' thing?" asked Gary.

    "Ash and I are the Mary Sues of this story," replied Max, "but this 'anal sex with no lube' thing intrigues me."

    "That was covered in the first chapter. I saw a mention of it written on a wall in spraypaint," said Ash.

    "What about 'WTF metaphor?' Have you kids tried that one?" asked Palkia.

    "I've got the one covered," excitedly said Gary. "Like... this farm is like a prison camp for animals."

    "Naw," said Max, "PETA probably already covered that one. What about this. Ash, your beauty is like a field of flowers."

    "That's not all too WTF though, Max," said Ash with a bit of a blush. "That's just incredibly cute."

    "Look kids, how's this? Your farm work is like a koala's smelly butt. Get back to work!" shouted Palkia.

    "Holy crap, I think that Palkia's nailed it!" shouted Gary.

    "Bingo!" shouted a few unpaid child laborers from the Palkia's Funtime Rice Paddy Harvesting Game.

    "We just succeeded in wasting some space!" cheered Ash.

    "I think I just kinda confessed to Ash!" shouted Max.

    "I think that I just got some screentime!" yelled Gary.

    "I think I'm a walking innuendo!" roared Palkia.

    At the moment, Palkia initiated a game of tag and started to chase this chapter's cast around the farm. Soon afterwards, everyone decided that it was finally time to go home.

    "This chapter was mostly dialog," moaned Gary as he walked to the train station with Ash and Max.

    "Well, that's because there really wasn't much we could do on Palkia's farm," said Max. "Satoshi-kun made a very poor decision with this chapter, and he had to write himself out of it. This is the result."

    "Well, at least I got to learn some more about farms," said Ash. "I think that farms are like anthills, but with humans and animals instead of ants."

    "Now THAT was the best WTF metaphor in this chapter!" exclaimed Max.

    The three friends got on the train together. Gary pulled out a PokeWorldNews magazine out of his backpack and started reading. Ash pulled out a large book and squinted at it and started to read. As Ash was reading, Max moved a little closer to him and leaned against him, falling asleep.

    Stay tuned for Chapter 9: Palkia Crossing

  10. #10
    A cute little robot girl. Satoshi-kun's Avatar Social Media Deputy Coordinator
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    Default Re: Bad Fic Bingo: Pokemon Edition (the adventures of an extremely OOC Ash and friend

    Chapter 9: Palkia Crossing

    Max awoke with a start. He had just been traveling home with Ash and Gary, but suddenly the bus was completely empty.

    "Oh no, I must have missed my stop. But that couldn't happen, Ash would have woken me up. Hmm, what the heck is going on here," he said to himself.

    As he was pondering what happened to him, a giant anthropomorphic cat walked into the train car that he was on and walked up to him.

    "Hey, I don't remember seeing you here, what's your name?" the cat asked.

    "Umm, I'm Max," Max replied.

    "Well, there's only one reason that you would be traveling on this car. That would be because you have lost your way in life and you are looking for a new beginning. It happens. You may have been wondering why you're going to school, you may have been wondering why you can't get a special someone in your life to acknowledge anything besides your existence, or it could be a number of other things. That really doesn't matter. What does matter is that you are on the train of the lost," the cat went on to explain.

    "Yeah, that sounds about right. I don't have much direction in life, and the one boy that I do love doesn't really seem to be able to catch the hint. I really don't know what to do!" Max said, sniffling a little.

    "Here, have a box of tissues, you sound like you need a little cry. I think that you're going to like where we're going, maybe you can even find some direction," the cat told Max as he handed him a box of tissues.

    Max used the tissues to wipe his eyes and blow his nose. He looked down at the ground and just listened to the sounds of the train car as it rattled along the tracks. He took off his glasses and realized that he had been crying a bit harder than he had thought. This opened up the floodgates, and he pulled his knees up, wrapped his arms around them, and sobbed for the next ten minutes. As soon as he was feeling better, he put his glasses back on and sat back properly in his seat.

    "Feeling better now, young Max?" the cat asked.

    "A little bit, I think," Max replied. "Could you tell me what your name is, and a little more about where we are headed?"

    "Ahh, you're the thinker among your group of friends. The thinkers are always the ones we get, it seems. Your type are always driving yourselves mad," the cat said. "As for my name, that isn't important. What is important is that you will be spending a little time in a special town, where your worries will be merely superficial, and you will be able to relax and enjoy the simpler things in life. Consider it to be a much needed vacation."

    "Drive ourselves mad? Much needed vacation? Have I gone completely insane, or have I died?" Max asked with a shudder.

    "Neither, stop worrying. We're almost at our stop, and Palkia is going to take good care of you," said the nameless cat.

    "Palkia? I can't go anywhere without seeing that walking innuendo! Why does he have to be here?" Max asked, a little worried.

    "I may as well tell you now. Palkia is the creator of everything. You, me, your world, this world, he made it all. He is our loving creator," the cat answered.

    "Now wait a minute here. Mythology states that Arceus is our creator. Do you expect me to believe that some walking and talking tallywhacker is the one who made me," said Max in disbelief.

    "Well, the fact that you have a body part that is in his image should be proof enough," replied the cat.

    "What? That's insane! What about Arceus?" was the next question that came out of Max's mouth.

    "Arceus is the one who Palkia created to be his public relations deity. You see, Palkia is too busy helping people and creating wild things to have time to listen to every prayer sent his way, so he created Arceus to kinda, how would you humans put it... to answer the phone, in a way. Arceus is, hmm, a secretary of sorts. Does that make sense, Max?"

    What the cat just said actually made sense to Max, but it opened up many more questions in his mind, but before he was able to voice these questions, the train stopped and an electronic voice said "We have arrived in Yourtown. All who are stopping in Yourtown, please depart now."

    "That's your stop, Max," said the cat. "Head on out of the doors and you will be greeted by Palkia, who will introduce you to Yourtown."

    "Before I go, I need to know one thing," Max said to the cat, "How do I return to the world where I live?"

    "When it's time to return, you will return. That is all I can say. Now go, go, Palkia awaits!" The cat then gently pushed Max to the door and waved farewell.


    Max stepped out of the train and walked onto the station's platform. He took a look around and he saw that everything was a lot greener in this world, and the skies, as well as the trees and plants looked nothing like they did where he lived. He was pondering whether he really had gone crazy, and hoping that his actual body hadn't ended up at some cheap bargain bin nuthouse when his thoughts were interrputed by a jolly voice.

    "Hiya, Max. I'm Pal Kia. I trust that the crazy cat told you all about where you are, and why you are here, correct?"

    "Yes, although I'm not sure if any of this is real," Max said, looking down at his shoes. He then looked up and gasped. Standing in front of him was the most beautiful Palkia that he had ever seen. This Palkia made the one on the Palkia's Pals Fun Show look like a cheap imitation.

    "Holy crap, I mean gosh golly gee, you're flipping amazing! Jeepers!" Max exclaimed.

    "Well, you don't have to stare. I know I'm pretty damn sexy," said Palkia in the familiar goofy voice that Max knew all too well. "Look, let me take you to the house where you will be staying. It's pretty small, but the price is right. Oh, did I tell you, you're going to have to work to pay off your house. You can take as long as you want, though, and it's pretty easy to make money around here. You can fish, catch bugs, and even dig up all sorts of crazy things and sell them to me, at Pal Kia's Bargain Hut."

    "Catch bugs? Oh wow, if only Misty was here, she would go wild with a net," Max said, while grinning at the thought of Misty having an all day bug catching fest. Suddenly something shot through Max's brain. He suddenly realized something. "Hey, this is a complete ripoff of that Palkia Crossing game, isn't it? Oh no, if everything else that has happened to me isn't going to get me sued, this surely is," he groaned.

    Stay tuned for Chapter 10: Thanks For Everything, Mr. Palkia!
    Last edited by Satoshi-kun; 18th August 2013 at 12:58 AM.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Bad Fic Bingo: Pokemon Edition (the adventures of an extremely OOC Ash and friend

    This chapter should have never happened... but it did, so here you go!

    Chapter Intermission: Let's Take A Tour Of StudioSato!

    Hello readers! Today is a fun day, today is a day where our writer, Satoshi-kun, breaks away from the story for an intermission filler. Sure, we've already had some filler (wait, the whole story is filler, isn't it?), but whatever, our hard(ly) working author needed to do something to kickstart his creativity before he fell into a non-writing rut. With that being said, I think that I'm going to let Ash take over the story now.

    "Hey everybody, I'm Ash, the dimwitted main character of the Pokemon series. Somehow I am super smart in this story, and well, that's cool I guess. Well, that's not really on topic, now is it, and all of you know about this already as well. So, I am about to visit StudioSato with my best pal Max here, who is amazingly the same age as me in this story. Oh yeah, we're both highschoolers. How in the hell did that happen?"

    Ash looked over at Max, who was just staring at Ash with a little drool running out of his mouth. Max continued to stare until he realized that he should probably say something.

    "Oh, right," he said as he took his shirt sleeve to wipe the drool that was starting to run down his lower lip. "Yes, StudioSato. This is the place where we have been constantly abused in text format. Umm, Ash, why exactly are we visiting here again?"

    Ash looked over at Max and said, "well, as many holes as we have torn into the fourth wall, we may as well completely demolish it. Sure it's not on the Bad Fic Bingo card, but it really should have been."

    "Oh Ash, I'm not sure who is going to sue us first for this. Anyways, should we knock?" asked Max.

    "Umm, sure," Ash replied as he started to knock on the door that they were standing in front of.

    "Piss off!" came a voice from the other side of the door.

    "Excuse me? Satoshi-kun? It's me, a-Mario. Wait, no, it's me, Ash. Yes, Ash. I'm here with Max. We want to take a tour of your creative studio. You know, where you write our story?" said Ash.

    "Wait, two fictional characters that are in a bad fanfiction that I am writing are at my door? Damn, maybe those mushrooms that I picked to have with dinner were of the hallucinogenic variety," Sato muttered under his breath. He then raised his voice and shouted out, "it's not a creative studio. It's a bedroom. It's messy as hell, but whatever, come in."

    Ash opened the door and stood outside and gasped. It was as Sato said, it was a messy bedroom. Sato was laying in bed with nothing on but his underwear, and he was typing away on a laptop. He turned to look at the two characters who walked through the door, and mumbled, "okay, next time I want mushrooms on my salad, they're coming from the grocery store." He then spoke up and said, "look around and get out. I'm trying to write more of your fic."

    Ash and Max started to look around. Ash spotted a stack of CD's lying on a table. He started to look through them and said, "hey, all the bands that Dawn listens to are here. What gives?"

    "Look you two, you should already know that you're the victims of a bad fanfic. Yeah, Dawn's got my music tastes. You'll probably discover that many of you little shits have more of my character traits," Sato replied.

    Max was looking over Sato's shoulder. He noticed something in Sato's Firefox tabs. "Hey, Sato, I think that I go to that gay story site too," he said.

    "As I was just saying, some of you little shits have my character traits. You're the sensitive gay one, Ash is the smarty pants, Dawn's the punk rocker, and Misty likes motorcycles. Look guys, it's just easier to write crappy fiction when I can relate to you brats," Sato told him.

    While Satoshi-kun was explaining the reasoning behind the out of character traits of various characters, Ash picked up Sato's Nook and started looking through the various books.

    "Holy crap, you like books?" Ash asked.

    "I think it's another one of those 'author's character traits being lazily used for us' things," replied Max.

    "Well guys, look. I need to finish writing, and I think that I must have eaten some very bad mushrooms or something, so while I know that you two aren't really standing here in front of me, I'm going to have to ask you two to leave anyways. I'm needing to put the finishing touches on Max's chapter in Palkia Crossing, and you two are really starting to creep me out," Sato said in an exasperated voice.

    "How rude," said Max. "How could we ever creep you out?"

    "Easily. You two don't exist in real life. You two are standing in front of me. How wouldn't I be creeped out?" responded Sato.

    "Fair enough," said Ash. "C'mon Max, let's go." Upon saying that, the two left.

    "I think I'm going to take a picture of the rest of those mushrooms and post a warning on Tumblr so that my followers never accidentally pick any of those," said Satoshi-kun with a shudder.

    Stay Tuned for Chapter 10, which will come next, I am rather sure.

    Also, stay tuned a ways into the future as I put this project on haitus sometime after the next chapter or two and start writing the "Palkia's Pals Fun Show" fic... because writing a fiction about a walking innuendo's superhero antics is more fun than this, that's for sure.


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