Ash Ketchum's Story
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Thread: Ash Ketchum's Story

  1. #1

    Default Ash Ketchum's Story

    One day, Ash Ketchum stood in his bedroom and watched the sun rise up over the horizon.

    He was 16. He had a fury little companion named Pikachu. The two of them had been through many adventures together over the years.

    "Ready for yet another journey Pikachu?"

    "Pika!"

    And so the two friends rushed downstairs and left to see Professor Oak for their next assignment.

    To be continue...
    Pika to the mofoing Chu!

  2. #2

    Default Re: Ash Ketchum's Story

    Why no one is reading?
    Pika to the mofoing Chu!

  3. #3

    Default Re: Ash Ketchum's Story

    Chapter 2

    Ash and Pikachu walked into Professor Oak's lab office but Oak was not there. Where was he?

    "Professor?"

    "Pikachu Pika Pi Pika?"

    But Oak was no where to be found.

    Ash looked all around until he saw a little note left on his desk.

    "Im in big trouble. Please help!" the note said.

    Ash and Pikachu took the note and ran off.

    "What are we going to do?"

    To be continue
    Pika to the mofoing Chu!

  4. #4
    Stray Dog Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Ash Ketchum's Story

    Well the first thing I should tell you is that when the actual chapter is short enough to put it in a whole quote...well that's a bad thing really.

    First of all your chapter is only four lines long and it's got no description or setting introduced to it no description of Ash and his surroundings and stuff. Not just that but it just starts and ends like that we're don't even know what's going on in the story. Your chapters need to be longer and need to have paragraphs one sentence is not a paragraph and basically doesn't tell us anything.

    Not just that but the fic is just a little simple and it sounds more like your telling a fairy tail rather than writing an actual story with proper description of the characters, setting and surroundings.

    And again your chapters need to be longer you can't just make a short post and then do a To Be Continue if you're gonna write a chapter write it whole instead of posting parts of it, that's only if the chapter is too long and I mean like 15 pages long with a lot of paragraphs and description to it.

    Also don't double post to ask people why they're not reading not all fics start off a success in fact most fics are lucky if they get a review for their first chapters and I'm talking about fics with really compelling storylines and settings.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Ash Ketchum's Story

    You are mean.

    I'm trying my best.
    Pika to the mofoing Chu!

  6. #6
    Stray Dog Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Ash Ketchum's Story

    Quote Originally Posted by CyberPika View Post
    You are mean.

    I'm trying my best.
    Maybe I was a little rough but I was just trying to help you said you wanted to be a writer right? well you can't become a good writer without having criticism especially if you're just starting out. We've all had criticism when we start out some more than others but without it you won't become a good writer especially since your story does need a lot of work.

    Just do this, read other stories around the workshop now put them up with your story and try to point out what you think is different between them and yours and not just the plot or characters but how they are written as well.

    Also while it is true that a chapter can be the length the author wants yours are way too short you can barely get anything done in those chapters and if you only write them in that size then you'll have to post like 400 something chapters before you are done depending on how long you plan your story to be.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Ash Ketchum's Story

    I've tried asking who I should read around here but no one answers. If I new which fictions were the best, I could read them and copy the good parts.
    Pika to the mofoing Chu!

  8. #8
    Stray Dog Flaze's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Ash Ketchum's Story

    You don't have to read the best ones there are a lot of great stories around the workshop that don't get a lot of reviews you can practically read any story.

    Besides didn't you read Legacy's story and mine as well as Dia's and assume others too all of those stories are things that you can learn from.

    The thing about asking about the best story is just not something that you can get an answer from there's no "best story" because if you ask anyone for the best story then they will all have a different opinion.

  9. #9
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ash Ketchum's Story

    Pretty much everything Haze said.

    I wouldn't even call what you wrote chapters, more like indescriptive comic strips without the pictures, and leaving the words that are just toothless, gutless, and crotchless. Basically what the readers are given are the equivalent of two tight paragraphs on kittens, which I'm sure many grandmothers would be proud of. But where's the substance? Where's the fresh material, the characterizations? The actual context? This is a rare exception of a story that would not hurt to have too much exposition.

    You probably think I'm being "mean", but I understood writing the least of anybody when I first started writing fanfiction. My sights were on getting a ton of readers and becoming popular and just having people gawking over me and my writing. That's not how it should be. Ever. You have to understand now that the kind of readership you want isn't going to happen the way you think it's going to happen. I've learned that people won't just "stumble" upon your story and decide to read it. Very rarely will users in the workshop just click on a story that they've never heard before by an author they've never heard of before and hope for the best. You have to get your name out there and read other peoples stories and tell them what you think of their fanfiction, which will cause them to take a look at your story.

    And just because they aren't commenting or reviewing does not mean they aren't reading. They might be reading but not commenting.

    Now onto writing, how much time did you spend on those...chapters?

    You need to be motivated to write more, and like what you're writing. Enjoying what you write and being proud of it in the end is the greatest reward of fanfiction, and just writing in general. Very often writers aren't writing because they want to, they're writing because of the hype. I should know, that used to be me.

    When you say "copy" the "best stories", I strongly hope you do not actually mean copying and pasting the best parts of those stories. Because if that's what you mean, then things will take a turn for the worst. I'll just put that nicely.

    I'm being a little harsh, yes, but these are things that are for the better. whatever it takes to make you understand, All that matters to me.

    I believe you can write a great fanfiction, there's got to be thousands of stories in that head of yours. Just pick it and write it. It can amount to something great. Just begin.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Ash Ketchum's Story

    Okay thank you.

    Chapter 3

    Ash and Pikachu ran home to tell his mom about where Oak had gone missing.

    "Mom, Professor Oak is gone!"

    "Where did he go?"

    "I don't know."

    "Pi Pika Chu Chu Pika."

    Ash didn't know what to do. He hoped Oak wasn't hurt. His note sounded serious.

    "Why don't you go look for him?"

    "Good idea."

    Ash and Pikachu ran outside and Ash called out to his Pokemon.

    "Bulbasaur, Snorlax, Sceptile! Cum!"

    He heard his Pokemon scream happily and come forth.

    "Hi guys."

    "Pika Pika Pika"

    "You guys ready to go save Professor Oak?"

    All of them agreed and off they went.
    Pika to the mofoing Chu!

  11. #11

    Default Re: Ash Ketchum's Story

    You know, you don't have to say "thank you" and pretend as though you're listening when you're not going to change anything.

    Reflect on this: what is your aim here? Do you have one? Care to share your answer with us?

  12. #12

    Default Re: Ash Ketchum's Story

    You are mean. I try changing things but it is hard.

    I'm trying to make longer with more stuff.
    I'm trying my best.
    Pika to the mofoing Chu!

  13. #13
    I feel so much spring... Cabaret's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ash Ketchum's Story

    See, i'd be completely fine with you saying that you were making it longer if you actually were.

    And saying that people are "mean" is just low. Have respect for the people who are trying to help you, as you obviously didn't listen to what I said.

  14. #14
    Registered User Vulpixtail's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ash Ketchum's Story

    i am kinda lost, ash is aperently haveing to save prof oak, but mabey you should like a 'meanwhile' thing. like at least telll us what has happened to oak. that you can build on. you are saying that we are being mean, but in your stories there is nothing to to say good about if there is vertuaily nothing. now be sayin im being ean. the writers work shop is a place for people to build on there writin carees and share their stories to get feed back.

  15. #15

    Default Re: Ash Ketchum's Story

    I mean to ask, what is your aim?

    WHY are you writing? What is the purpose? Do you have an answer to that question?

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