10th January 2009, 06:55 PM #1
Sig By Blue Dragon
Artemis and Nicole Ichirin
Author's note: Oi all, I have been working on this story, and it's getting better. I have written up to chapter 4. Here it is.
It was a freezing cold winter day in Snowpoint city, where even some of the ice Pokemon had to cuddle up in order to die from freezer burn. A young girl, about three, with pitch black hair and almost white skin crawled out of her bed to see the outside.
As she was staring at the barely see able trees, she heard a large clatter as though as a plastic bowl fell over. She looked over and saw her mom on the floor.
Her mom had on a t-shirt that was stained with blood. There was a shard of glass that was stabbed where her heart was. Her pare white skin was stained, and her head was bleeding too. Her wrists were cut and there was rat poison around her.
It looked as if she committed suicide.
The little girl cried her eyes out, and she ran to her dead mother, sobbing all the way. She cried and cried until a neighbor heard her and rushed over with the police to see whats wrong.
When the police arrived, they saw the little girl and ran over to her and the dead mother.
"Little girl," a policeman said gently to the little girl, "What's your name?"
The little girl looked up and saw the kind policeman's face and sobbed out, "M-my name i-is Nicole Ichirin."
"Okay, Nicole," said the policeman, trying to calm Nicole down," What did you see?"
" I was wa-watching the sky, an-and I sa-saw this!"
Nicole started to cry again, so the policeman found her neighbor and asked her if she could watch Nicole for a while.
Nicole's neighbor was a kind old woman, who said she would be delighted to watch little Nicole Ichirin until she could take care of her own.
Nicole cried and said she didn't want to leave, but the old lady and the policeman dragged her to her neighbor's house as the other police worked on the case of why her mother died and why would she have done it.
Nicole watched as more and more people she didn't recognize take her dead mother away and she started to wail again.
The old lady could do nothing to calm Nicole and just stared at her and wonder how Nicole's mother could do such a horrible thing while her child was at the same house.....
10th January 2009, 10:18 PM #2
A black and white world
This reads like a recap. Give us emotions as they happen, even if they're in past tense.
10th January 2009, 10:20 PM #3
Sig By Blue Dragon
Yeah sure, I'll try to work on it.