EVERYONE: Adam and Tepig (Need better title)
Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Adam and Tepig (Need better title)

  1. #1

    Default Adam and Tepig (Need better title)

    What if Pokemon were real and lived in the real world? How would the world be different? What Pokemon would live in what places? This fic portrays that. For this story I'm using the area that I live in (Southern California) as the setting to simplify things. The wild Pokemon that live here are based off the wild life that live in southern California. Our Main Character is Adam he is a 14 year old boy who wins the opportunity to go on a journey with Pokemon.
    I hope you enjoy it and criticism will be well revived.

    Episode 1: Winner!

    My room is rather dull, it only has a bed, a small desk with a laptop sitting on top of it and a small television. Its light blue walls are sparsely decorated with only a picture of me and my cousins from Arizona and a poster of Leaf, the famous pokemon trainer from the Kanto Region in Japan. I myself live in Valley Center a small town in the San Diego Region, a coastal region in the United States. When I was 14 years old I had little interest in pokemon. The only reason I had a picture of Leaf on my wall was because she was extremely attractive. Although I will say that before the season was over that year I had always gone to every match that my School’s battling team had participated in, albeit only for social reasons. Well things do change and I decided to put myself in a drawing where three people that went to my high school would get a pokemon from Professor Baobab. I was like “What the heck, I probably won’t win anyway.” I suppose I jinxed it but I am very glad to have received the opportunity to meet my partner pokemon and all the other pokemon I have caught on the way.

    I laid back in my seat in fourth period, it was a large room with 30 or so small desks with most of their occupants looking just as board. It was health class and the teacher was going on about the skeletal system or something of that sort.

    “Please excuse this interruption, I would like to announce the winners of the pokemon drawing. These three lucky individuals will be receiving a pokemon from Professor Baobab. They are Marshal McRight, Elaine McRight, and Adam Nealey. Congratulations would you three please come up to the office.” The loudspeaker crackled over the teacher’s voice.

    “Did they call my name?” I thought to myself.

    I saw everyone in the room look at me.

    “What?” I said

    “Adam, your name was called!” The teacher said excitedly

    “I suppose that was my name called, I thought I was hearing things.” I said as I got up from my seat and grabbed my backpack.

    Everyone in the room began to clap as walked towards the door. I turned around and shrugged the clapping as an unnecessary formality before I walked out the door. I shut it behind me quietly and walked towards the main office building. The office was a medium sized building with a vaulted metal roof and red walls. I was about to open the door when I felt someone grab my shoulder. I turned around and saw two people standing behind me.

    One was tall buff looking man with light brown hair in a buzz cut. He was wearing black jeans and blue flannel over a grey shirt.

    The other was a slightly heavy set girl with thin light brown hair. She was wearing a low cut shirt and shorts that did not compliment her well.

    “Your Adam right?” The man asked.

    “Correct.” Adam said lightly

    “I’m Marshal and this is my sister Elaine, we also ‘won’ the contest.” he said with a chuckle

    “Hm, you're quite small.” Elaine said with a giggle

    I wanted to make a similar comment but decided against it.

    “You won’t last a day as a trainer but oh well, let’s go.” Marshal said condescendingly.

    Adam followed the two siblings into the building where a man was waiting for them.

    He was black and wore a white lab coat over a green collared shirt. He wore tan trousers and blue tie. He was holding a metallic box in his left arm.I thought for a second that he had no sense of style but the thought faded quickly.

    “Hello there, I’m Professor Baobab.” the man introduced himself as he held his right hand out.

    “Nice to meet you.” I said as shook his hand firmly.

    “I have in this box the three pokemon you will each start your journey with.” Baobab said as he placed the box he was holding on a table.

    “Move!” Marshal grunted as he pushed me away from the box, “I choose snivy!”

    Elaine went to grab a pokeball from the box.

    “Oshawott is just too cute! I want it!” She giggled as she took the pokeball from the box.

    Of course when I got there I didn’t have a choice but to take the remaining pokemon. I looked inside the box and there was only one pokeball left it had a sticker on it with a picture of a little red and black pig pokemon.

    “Is this a mankey?” I asked the professor.

    “No you idiot it’s a tepig!” Marshal interjected

    “I wasn’t asking you but whatever, not like I have a choice.” I said angrily.

    I picked the pokeball up and pushed the button in the middle. A stream of red energy came out of the pokeball. It took the shape of a small quadrupedal pokemon.

    “Tepigg!” The small pokemon cried.

    Tepig ran up to me and jumped up on my leg. I picked the small pokemon up and it began to lick my face. Its tongue was quite warm when it made contact with my cheek.

    “Why don’t you three battle each other in the quad.” Baobab suggested

    The quad is a small field in the center of the school where everyone hangs out at lunch.

    “I agree considering it’s almost lunch.” Elaine agreed with a smirk.

    Thank you for reading please feel free to leave suggestions to improve my writing
    Last edited by Elso579; 30th October 2012 at 07:08 PM.
    I am Elso. That's all I can tell you.

    My FanFics:
    FireRed&LeafGreen Chronicles (Archived and unfinished) http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/firered-leafgreen-chronicals-129743/#post4222761

    A Legendary Spirit Book One http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/legendary-spirit-book-one-pg-13-a-136706/

  2. #2
    Requiem Raver Drakon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Aboard the Hikokyu II
    Blog Entries

    Default Re: Adam and Tepig (Need better title)

    Hmm. It starts out like any other journey fic but I do like how you set it in the real world.

    Also, your grammar needs a touch of work

    Finally consider bolding or underlining the chapter titles.

    It's not bad; it's just a bit bland.
    What are the Legendaries really like? Find out in The Life of the Legendaries

    Humans and pokémon no longer live in harmony. Hear their tales in The Poké Wars Chronicles: Tales From A World At War

    Cynthia once had it all: powerful pokémon, fame and hordes of adoring fans. But Ho-oh's campaign tears her life asunder. Now to survive this deadly new world, she must do the one thing that she never wanted: kill. Follow her trials through a world at war in Poké Wars: Downfall of a Champion

  3. #3

    Default Re: Adam and Tepig (Need better title)

    Thank you for the criticism, It will branch out and become more original and less like other journey fics. And also thank you for pointing out that I had forgot to make the Title stand out.

    Episode 2: Vs. Snivy and Oshawott

    The quad was packed with people who came to see the battle. Tepig and I stood on one side of the quad while my opponents (Marshal and Elaine) stood on the other.

    “I’ll go first baby brother!” Elaine shouted, “Go! Oshawott!”

    She threw a pokeball in the air and out came a small blue pokemon with a white face. It had a small shell on its chest.


    “Tepig use flamethrower!” I commanded

    Tepig looked at me and tilted his head to the side.

    “Tackle!” Elaine shouted.

    Oshawott ran at Tepig plowed into him at full speed. Tepig was thrown back at Adam.

    “Tepig!” I yelled worryingly, “Use your tackle!”

    Tepig ran at Oshawott and knocked it down.

    “Oshawott!” Elaine shouted

    Oshawott sat up and began to cry. It then ran back towards her trainer and jumped back into its pokeball.

    “I won!” I shouted happily

    “No you didn’t, you failed to knock my pokemon out, you moron!” Elaine retorted

    “You, or your pokemon, surrendered!” I returned the argument

    “Just shut up you have no idea what you're talking about.”

    I was not content on continuing this, there was no point in arguing with someone forcing herself to be right.

    “My turn to win!” Marshal said confidently.

    Marshal threw a pokeball in the air and out popped a thin serpent like grass pokemon. It had short limbs and a yellow leaf on its neck.

    “Tackle!” Marshal comanded

    Snivy ran at Tepig and headbutted it into the air. Tepig pointed itself toward Snivy and blew small flames in its direction. Snivy was hit and cried out in pain as the flames hit it.

    “Thats Ember!” Marshall shouted, “But how?”

    “Nice Tepig, now use Tackle!” I shouted

    Tepig ran at Snivy and tackled it to the floor. I then saw a red beam of light absorb Snivy.

    “This isn’t worth it I’m out!” Marshal shouted, “This isn’t over! You’ll pay for this!”

    Marshal and Elaine stormed off.

    “That was very good, Adam.” The Professor said warmly, “You should do well on your journey.”

    “My journey?” I asked

    “Well, you are going to take that tepig on a journey right?” The professor asked

    “Yeah but what kind?” I inquired

    “Well Marshall and Elaine are going to collect badges and compete in the San Diego Regional Championships.” Baobab explained

    “Where do I start?”

    “The first gym is in Escondido.”

    “Ok I’ll go their, I guess.” I said quietly

    “Good, man.” He said happily.

    Thank you for reading any criticism is welcome :)
    I am Elso. That's all I can tell you.

    My FanFics:
    FireRed&LeafGreen Chronicles (Archived and unfinished) http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/firered-leafgreen-chronicals-129743/#post4222761

    A Legendary Spirit Book One http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/legendary-spirit-book-one-pg-13-a-136706/


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts