MATURE: The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 8, Downstroke—11/20/12

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Thread: The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 8, Downstroke—11/20/12

  1. #1
    ღ Ruiner ღ Caprizant's Avatar Moderator
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    Default The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 8, Downstroke—11/20/12

    This is a work of original fiction.
    ( Note: I'm currently going through the chapters and revising them, hopefully smoothing out some rough bits and making the prose a tad less bland. May take awhile with all the other work I've had lately. )


    THE ABSTRACT IDEAL OF STAYING ALIVE



    Table of Contents
    Currently not much use for this, but oh well.

    Chapter 1—The Boat Builder
    Chapter 2—A Cup of Tea
    Chapter 3—Catching Smoke
    Chapter 4—At The Veterinarian
    Chapter 5—Gannoré's Exile
    Chapter 6—Pride & Delusion
    Chapter 7—Shadow Dodging
    Chapter 8—Downstroke

    Melvin Fibonacci—once a novelist, painter, and boat builder, turned homeless and helpless. Now an old man, Mr. Fibonacci does odd jobs for his fellow citizens for low pay and lives in a wooden hut under a bridge with his two newly-adopted children, Cecelia and Nello. However, one day he finds himself in a hostage situation, assaulted by a woman who demands he do exactly as she says, or face the death of his children. Not realizing what he's getting himself into, Mr. Fibonacci reluctantly agrees. What follows is a sea of grief and doubt in which even his boat struggles to stay afloat.

    Chapters placed under spoilers for convenience.

    CHAPTER 1: The Boat Builder

    Last edited by Caprizant; 8th January 2013 at 07:13 PM. Reason: Chapter 8.
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    "Cheer up baby, it wasn't always quite so bad; for every bit of venom that came out, the antidote was had."
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    President of everything. Headless Whoreman's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 1, The Boat Builder—May 20th, 2012

    Quite good. It reminds me a bit of the first Max Payne game's storyline. No spelling or grammar errors here. I'll keep an eye on this story.
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  3. #3
    ღ Ruiner ღ Caprizant's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 2, A Cup of Tea—May 21st, 2012

    CHAPTER 2: A Cup of Tea

    Last edited by Caprizant; 11th November 2012 at 12:42 PM. Reason: Putting in some asterisks to break up some of the clunkier POV changes.

    "Cheer up baby, it wasn't always quite so bad; for every bit of venom that came out, the antidote was had."
    Fun & GamesRulesLast.fmAvatarBannerThe Planetary Pit Stop

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    ღ Ruiner ღ Caprizant's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 3, Catching Smoke—May 23rd, 2012

    CHAPTER 3: Catching Smoke

    Last edited by Caprizant; 11th November 2012 at 12:46 PM. Reason: Putting in some asterisks to break up some of the clunkier POV changes.

    "Cheer up baby, it wasn't always quite so bad; for every bit of venom that came out, the antidote was had."
    Fun & GamesRulesLast.fmAvatarBannerThe Planetary Pit Stop

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    ღ Ruiner ღ Caprizant's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 4, At The Veterinarian—May 26th, 2012

    CHAPTER 4: At The Veterinarian

    Last edited by Caprizant; 11th November 2012 at 12:50 PM. Reason: Putting in some asterisks to break up some of the clunkier POV changes.

    "Cheer up baby, it wasn't always quite so bad; for every bit of venom that came out, the antidote was had."
    Fun & GamesRulesLast.fmAvatarBannerThe Planetary Pit Stop

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    ღ Ruiner ღ Caprizant's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 4, At The Veterinarian—May 26th, 2012

    (Ignore the massive gap between when this was posted and when the last chapter was posted.) :I

    CHAPTER 5: Gannoré's Exile

    Last edited by Caprizant; 31st August 2012 at 12:28 PM. Reason: Adding translate links.

    "Cheer up baby, it wasn't always quite so bad; for every bit of venom that came out, the antidote was had."
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    How puzzling! Protopost's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 5, Gannore's Exile—August 31st, 2012

    Verrrrrrrrrrry well written, to the point that it sucks me in and I can't look away XD

    I will thank you though, you weren't toooo explicit with the dog scene since that might have made me vomit(yeah felt a bit queasy reading it) :P

    The feel of the story is very similar to that of Death Note, and I am looking forwards to seeing what happens next. Also great job on the characters (such interesting people)
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  8. #8
    ღ Ruiner ღ Caprizant's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 6, Pride & Delusion—9/3/12

    @Chaosj2;

    CHAPTER 6: Pride & Delusion

    Last edited by Caprizant; 11th November 2012 at 12:53 PM. Reason: Putting in some asterisks to break up some of the clunkier POV changes.

    "Cheer up baby, it wasn't always quite so bad; for every bit of venom that came out, the antidote was had."
    Fun & GamesRulesLast.fmAvatarBannerThe Planetary Pit Stop

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    Default Re: The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 6, Pride & Delusion—9/3/12

    Only pain.........-plays pain by 3days grace-


    Melvin....why didn't you do anything DX

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    ღ Ruiner ღ Caprizant's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 7, Shadow Dodging—9/23/12

    @Chaosj2;

    CHAPTER 7: Shadow Dodging

    Last edited by Caprizant; 11th November 2012 at 12:55 PM. Reason: Putting in some asterisks to break up some of the clunkier POV changes.

    "Cheer up baby, it wasn't always quite so bad; for every bit of venom that came out, the antidote was had."
    Fun & GamesRulesLast.fmAvatarBannerThe Planetary Pit Stop

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    How puzzling! Protopost's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 7, Shadow Dodging—9/23/12

    DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN! Gannoré, Victor, Vera, Melvin, nobody has an easy life :(

    ...


    ....

    -throws beer bottle at Cap's wall-

  12. #12
    ღ Ruiner ღ Caprizant's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 8, Downstroke—11/20/12

    I update so sporadically I know

    @Chaosj2;

    CHAPTER 8: Downstroke


    "Cheer up baby, it wasn't always quite so bad; for every bit of venom that came out, the antidote was had."
    Fun & GamesRulesLast.fmAvatarBannerThe Planetary Pit Stop

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    Default Re: The Abstract Ideal of Staying Alive—Chapter 8, Downstroke—11/20/12

    Of course Victor gets amnesia when he finally makes contact with the police XD

    Melvin, its up to you now, do what must be done ;-;
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