First, let's look at the Ranger Net menu. It sort of looks like a digital monitor, only a turquoise blue instead of the usual green. You can seek out new missions, play a mission, or mess with the wireless network settings. My memory is foggy, but it seems that mine was already set up (using the same as DP? Or is it just a DS-wide setting that can only be changed in-game to my knowledge?). Oh well.
You can download missions and when you do, you get a picture of the player character running across the screen while downloading. Why this doesn't happen on other screens, I have no idea.
There are only two missions available right now, and lord knows when the other four will be available. So let's start in with the main selling point - the Manaphy
Strangely, the prompt before the mission is in the same style of a Quest, rather than a Mission. This one is from Barlow, and it's in Vientown.
Egg that washed up on shore
has gone missing along with Mimi's Happiny
Go find them and bring them in safely!
All right, I guess? The mission opens with you walking into the Ranger Base. By the way, you can't save.
Mimi, what's wrong?
Why are you looking so so?
Did your daddy touch you in an...uncomfortable place?
One of Mimi's Happiny is being strange.
Mimi: "It's all glowy and white. Mimi scared!"
We went out for a walk, and we met a Chansey
Mimi and the Happiny were very happy to
Chansey? Have I even found one? New Browser Pokemon? XFD suck it Regigigas.
But then one Happiny threw away the round
The round what? Round egg? Round Stone? Round orb? I'm not kidding - the line really does cut off right there.
stone it always holds.
Well, it's continued in the next line, but it's still awkward.
After that, it would look for other round
things, but throw them away, too.
Apparantly, the world of Almia isn't familar with a Happiny's evolution process. And fuck man, that's a stone in Happiny's pouch!? I always thought it was an egg! Inside a bigger egg.
Mimi got angry with it, then that Happiny
ran away outside...
Yep, getting angry will do that to a Pokemon.
^ That is a worrywart
I wonder what's wrong with your Happiny.
It's. Trying. To. Evolve.
Leader, if I may, I'd like to help Mimi search
for the missing Happiny.
Nobody has even acknowledged Vlad yet.
Yeah, you do that.
I'm worried about both the Happiny and
I've heard of people dying of a broken heart (not having the motivation to live anymore), but isn't four a little young to be calling that? Hell, she has like five of them. Losing one isn't going to bring about the apocalypse.
Oh, hey, Vlad, you're visiting?
I'm sorry. I didn't notice you.
Listen, can I get you to help search for
Mimi's missing Happiny?
I don't take no orders from you no more. But, I do it nonetheless. Not even give a choice.
It's really strange, though, what that
Listen, Crawford. I'm no Pokemon researcher, but even I can make an educated guess as to what happened. The Happiny saw the Chansey. It was so happy to see it that it wanted to evolve, and therefore went out looking for the Round Stone evolution item. Of course, there's always the problem of leveling up first, but I'm sure it'd find a way!
It threw away the round stone the Happiny
always carry around?
Well, duh. It's pouch is only so big. It can only hold one object in it!
So, the missing Happiny would go look for
round things, then throw them out again?
Yeah, cause they're not what they're looking for.
I've never heard of them playing that way.
And yet you've heard of a mytholigical time traveling Pokemon and even know how to recognize it from afar when it's doing its stuff. Yeah. Cool.
You should do a round of the town as a
patrol while you're at it.
Isn't that like, the Area Ranger's jobs? And speaking of which, why is there only one Ranger Base? There are those Ranger Depots all around - why not convert a few of them into bases?
As soon as I leave, some cupcake somes rolling in front of the Base. I shit you not.
Hahaha! Ayup, I finally found it!
I finally found a berry I've been searching
low and high for.
Well, a berry, but it looks like a cupcake. With green frosting. Out of curiosity, I checked to see what berry it might possibly be. But I found none that look like it. It almost looks like a Babiri Berry, but with a brown bottom half.
Well, howdy there, Ranger!
See this here giant berry?
I got it from the Jam-maker.
Babiri Berries are 10.4 inches. Which...actually kind of fits, if we take scale and Japan's tendancy to make characters really short into consideration.
I'd left it out in our yard, but it went and
disappeared on me.
Guess who was there?
me, I found it here.
Don't know how it got here, though.
Me neither! It just came rolling in from the left from seemingly nowhere! Didn't they think not to look who threw it?
Mimi's Happiny must have done that!
It's because this berry is so round.
Mimi's sorry, Mr. Little Tim.
Mr. Little Tim.
Huh? What's this now?
I don't rightly know what you're apologizing
over, but that's quite all right, Mimi.
I have to say, you're turning into a proper
That's a good thing!
Well, except for the part where she always speaks in the third person. Makes her seem like the forbidden love child between her mother and Mr. T.
Then Tim just takes the berry and walks off.
As I'm walking around the back of the Base...another berry comes rolling in from the right! Well, actually, it looks more like an ordinary apple than anything else. The Happiny goes by, some conversation happens, and I follow it.
Mimi's Happiny didn't come home...
Huh. Well, fine.
Yet another Berry rolls in between the farm and Mr. Woodward's. It kind of looked like an Iapapa Berry.
Another really, really round thing!
Happiny, where are you?!
I don't think so. Whatever it was, it wasn't very round. Now it's just getting desparate.
Then it goes running to the left.
Bewwy poodin, I not want.
What's wrong with berry pudding? I know it's not as good as vanilla or butterscotch, but it's certainly better than milk pudding, which I assume (hope) is just a fancy term for yogurt.
I've been thinking a whole lot about making
a berry pudding out of that berry I got.
It'll be bitter through and through.
Bitter? We've established that said berry is more than likely a Babiry Berry. Those are mostly spicy, not bitter! The next closest that is bitter would be Durin Berry, even though it looked nothing like that at all. Maybe Aguav Berry, but even that's a bit of a strech (it had a clearly brown top, not a green one, no yellow parts, and a much bigger, brown, base).
Well, I'd sooner have a plain old milk pudding.
A bitter pudding?
Not for me, thanks!
Wimp. Little Tim should totally make her drink some to have her overcome her fear of bitter drink. Probably doesn't even drink coffee.
It wasn't just my dad's berry.
My ball went missing, too.
I only found it just now.
Still looks pretty missing to me. What's with this game and invisible objects?
I think a pudding should be sweet.
That's the only way it should be.
But milk isn't sweet. It's...it's...uhh...fuck, I can't describe the taste of it but it is definitely not sweet! If the milk pudding is sweet, well...did the writers have a fear of the word "yogurt" or something? It's not like it's trademarked, you know.
A Happiny poked its head in my door just
a little while ago.
It seemed to be looking for something, but
it left right away.
No kidding. Nothing is closed to being round here. Save maybe the mallet heads or his head. Or his other
head. And where's Ponte!?
I follow it in circles around near its house, and find yet ANOTHER Greek berry. Now this one sort of looks Durin Berry-ish, except with a flat, white bottom. Vlad automatically snatches them up before I can get a good look at them.
Mimi, we can do this.
We'll keep running after your Happiny!
What I don't get is why they don't try to cut it off. There's three of them, four if you count Machop
, and five if you count...shit, what was Luana's partner? Oh well, it's probably in nowheresville.
That thing isn't even running very fast! If they didn't sit there running their mouths after finding something wrong, they could easily catch up to it.
In front of Woodward's, approached from the right, is yet another berry scene. For once, it's clear what it is: a Wiki Berry. Or maybe a Bluk Berry. Or is it a Belue Berry? ...shit, let's just say it looks like a purple radish with stripes.
The Nabiki Beach way?
It sounds like it!
RUN! RUN! IT'S NOT EVEN THAT FAR AWAY! Strangely, the one Bidoof
near the beach's entrance seems to have abandoned ship. It's not here.
A Happiny came running down to the beach
a little earlier.
? It's here right now, man!
It's been staring at a round thing that's
floating at the water's edge.
And you didn't think to call for help or intervene?
Something washed up at surf's edge,
It's blue, clear, and very pretty.
Could it be a beach ball?
Uhh, Beach Girl? Beach balls are rainbow, usually opaque, and very ugly. How could you even confuse the two?
And there it is! The egg! Oh, and Happiny, but who cares about that?
Let's go home!
Then it grabs the egg and runs. Last time I checked, eggs aren't very round. They're...well, egg-shaped.
Why are you running away?!
It hates you.
That round thing...
I remember what it is now!
That's a Manaphy Egg!
Score! Now I can finally get one with a good nature!
It must have drifted all the way here from
a faraway sea.
Without anything trying to attack/eat it? I don't think so!
I remember reading about it in the School's
That Happiny must have been looking for
that Egg this whole time!
Or it was looking for A FUCKING ROUND/OVAL STONE TO FUCKING EVOLVE GOD DAMN.
Luana, you're dead on with that analysis!
God, even he's taking her side? Since when do Happinys do that, anyway!?
We just got word from Prof. Hastings.
He wants us to protect the Egg.
Apparantly, a boat spotted the Egg off
the coast and reported it.
And Beach Boy/Beach Girl didn't? They need to do their civic duty!
So, this is an emergency Mission for the
two of you.
Recover and protect the Manaphy Egg!
As long as there are no snipers.
Recover the Manaphy Egg!
Haven't heard this theme in a while.
Vlad, Luana, be sensitive to Mimi and
her Happiny's feelings, all right?
Not all right!
I follow the Happiny to the path, catching some Buneary
on the way out of boredom, in one circle no less. When I get to Breeze Hill...
Mimi's Happiny blocked the path, and then
it went up...
Blocked the pa-HOW DID IT EVEN MOVE THOSE ROCKS?!??!?! MUCH LESS WITH THOSE SHORT, STUBBY ARMS??!?!?!??!?!!!
Happiny are a lot stronger than they
...all right, I'm sorry, but I had to look into this. Let's assume a Pokemon's attack stat is proportional to its strength. So Happiny has 5 attack. Let's also assume that to move something with ease, they need more attack.
Happiny blocked the path by pushing two rocks into the way. Let's say they are round (which they are not), and have a diameter of five feet (rough estimate). To find the Sphere's volume, we need to take the radius (half the diameter, so 2.5), and cube it. (2.5)^3 = 15.625ft³. And let's say it has a mass of 300lbs. To calculate the density of the object, we used the equation D = m/V, or D = (300lbs/15.625ft³). This means the object has a density of 19.2lbs/ft³.
Now, an object in motion is easier to move than an object not in motion. The effect can be fairly drastic - it can take a tremendous amount of power to start moving something, but once it's moving, you may not even need a third of that. What this phenominal is known as escapes me, but I do know it exists. For the sake of simplicity, let's say the maximum amount of force that Happiny can extert with its 5 Attack is just enough to be able to get the rock moving.
Okay, so a Pokemon with 5 Attack can move an object with a mass of 300lbs. And that's not even taking into account the friction, surface area, and such that are usually a factor. I don't know where I was going with this, but I assume it was somewhere good. But know this much - by this game's logic, a Happiny could knock a 264.6lb solid steel Lairon
over. Something with 10 Base Attack could knock over a 507.1lb Regirock
Is that Happiny trying to protect the
Manphy Egg, do you think?
Well, it's not exactly the best caretaker...it's a baby. Well, I suppose if little girls play with baby dolls, then babies play with eggs?
I use the Buneary to smash the rocks into tiny pieces. For reference, Buneary has 66 Attack. Then again, Bidoof has 45 attack, and it can do the same.
I head on up...
It's standing with the egg near its gang, a Pichu
and a Glameow
They're acting as if they want to protect
Okay, so we have two Pokemon protecting another Pokemon protecting an egg.
By the way, remember what they said about Happiny throwing its round stone in its pouch away? It didn't apparantly, since it's graphically still there.
It's okay, Pokemon!
We're only here to help.
We want to help both the Egg and Mimi's
Diplomacy never solves anything, much less with things that don't speak your language!
They then attack, but get captured in one loop. Is this a joke?
And...the egg is glowing and shaking!??!
Happiny, for a Pokemon probably expressing confusion, is saying the same thing as its friends back home always say. So either Mimi's Happiny are perpetually confused, or the scriptwriter's have a brain tumor.
And Pichu to you, too!
Were you startled by it moving?
It's nothing to be worried about.
This is the Egg of a Pokemon named Manaphy
that lives in a faraway sea.
If it lives in a faraway sea, how did it even get here?
We want to protect the Egg.
Just like you.
Mimi thinks Happiny saw Chansey's egg, the
one it carries on its belly.
Mimi thinks Happiny wanted an egg too,
not a round stone anymore.
Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve. Or it wanted to evolve.
Mimi didn't notice that.
Mimi's sorry for yelling at Happiny...
Suddenly, the other Happinys show up carrying an egg! Err...so a Happiny can knock a rock over by itself, but it takes three to carry one egg? I'm sorry, I don't follow.
BUT IT'S STILL IN THE POUCH GOD DAMN
Oh, wow, everyone!
You came for Mimi and Happiny?!
They brought this one's precious round
stone for it!
What were the graphic artists thinking?!
The other Happiny must have been worried,
But it's all right now.
The runaway Happiny's all smiles again!
All sm-...forget it.
Let's go back home together!
So, this is the Manaphy Egg?
It feels kind of wobbly.
Barlow shows off his amazing supernatural sense of touch. He can feel the egg FROM FIVE FEET AWAY!
Well, this is a first for me.
I've never seen a Pokemon Egg before.
That's the topic I'll run with for the
next Vien Tribune.
"Ranger Crawford sees Pokemon Egg for first time, surprised"
I really understand how that Happiny
must have felt...
An egg is the earliest stage of life.
Technically, couldn't it be said that sperm is the earliest stage of life? I mean, an egg is just an egg without fertalization, and some religious fanatics even have qualms about masturbation, because it wastes potential life. Or about about bacteria, amoeba, or other life that reproduce asexually?
I can let everything else said before this in this game go. But this. This I will simply not let go of. Seriously. Does Nintendo have a problem with doing so much as alluding to asexual reproduction in their game, even with the sexual reproduction allusions? Did the script originally not have these lines, and it was changed for whatever reason by the editors, because they refuse to acknowledge the existence of amoeba? What the hell and I do mean WHAT THE HELL
is wrong with these people? Are amoebas, sponges, hydras (not the mythological kind), fungi, and even certain kinds of plants not considered to be "alive" in the Pokemon world?
I can understand how people would be so
fascinated by it.
Prof. Hastings: "It's so shiny and blue and that heart looks pretty."
Really though, most people I know aren't fascinated by eggs. Even in the Pokemon universe save here, where no one is bright enough to watch the act of an egg being created. "No one knows" my ass. Just hide somewhere, or put a video camera somewhere, and watch the fun happen! I know, censorship and shit, but god damn, for the rest of us, it's stupid!
Vlad and Luana, good job on
recovering the Egg.
Not only that, you helped out Mimi with her
Good going, you too!
I could rant all day about this but I won't, simply because I don't have the energy to.
Prof. Hastings, what should we do with
Cook it, I'm starving.
Well, it goes without saying that the best
thing to do is return it to its habitat.
Naturally. But of course, they'll never do that. They want to study it and even let it die in the name of science.
Until it's possible to do so, the Union will
take care of it.
So the Ranger Union, despite all they do for Almia, can't obtain a ship or plane, travel out to international waters, and dump the egg? Something about that isn't right...
...That said, the Egg is very delicate.
How should it be transported to the
By teleportation! ...you have that, right?
Ah, the Happiny are volunteering!
Of course! Transport by egg Pokemon with short stubby arms! Why didn't I think of that? Oh, right, because it's retarded.
That's truly comforting to know.
I'd personally have nightmares.
May I accept your Happiny's offer to
carry the Egg to the Union?
I'd comment on this, but I can't think of anything.
Mimi will go, too!
If I saw an old man and a little girl walking through the forest together alone, who weren't related, I'd be all like "I'm not interupting anything, am I?"
Ah, if you could, that would be most helpful!
Let's put Happiny's expertise at carrying
round things to good use!
As long as they don't use their expertise at throwing away round things, it'll all be cool.
Let's move out, Team Happiny!
And so, a new criminal syndicate was born.
That's it for that mission.