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my favorite humorous items

  1. Will I be able to play the violin?

    A man had to have his finger amputated after an accident. He asked his doctor, "Will I be able to play the violin?"

    "Yes, probably," the doctor replied.

    "Good, 'cause I couldn't before."
  2. HOW did he die?

    One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." (Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada)
  3. A man was found dead this morning in a bathtub full of milk.

    The police suspect a cereal killer.
  4. Two Good Reasons


    Recorded by: Buddy Wasisname and the Other Fellers
    Written by: Wayne Chaulk

    There are two good reasons why you should stand up
    And scream and shout for more
    You want to hear just one more song
    Before you head to the door
    The other reason is more profound
    We hope we don't sound crass
    You want to stand and tug them away
    Cause your pants are stuck to your ass!
  5. A truck carrying a load of Roget's Thesaurus...

    A truck carrying a load of Roget's Thesaurus overturned on the highway yesterday. The newspaper reported that onlookers were astounded, bewildered, dumbfounded, overwhelmed, shocked, and startled.
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