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Stardust Crusaders

I have no plan in life

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Now see, although I'm in university studying Psychology, when it comes to jobs - I still have no idea what I'm doing. I find it super hard in society to be what I want to be in life, because I just get called 'Lazy' or 'Weird' or I'll be told that I need feminism (wow, I need feminism to tell me I can't do something I want to do, because I'm a woman?)

All my life, since a small small child - all I wanted to be was a housewife. Which is reasonable, but after watching my mother struggle throughout the past 20 years, and seen her be brought to tears many times over the idea that - although my Dad had enough money to provide - she still had to have a job. Even though she had two very young children to raise. In life she always taught me that if I have children, that I should look after them and that it's unfair to have a child and then go back into work and leave someone else to take care of them. I'm not saying I look down on people who have their children taken care of by Nannies, babysitters and childminders - or whatever else because I fully understand that some people can't afford to not have a job, or they don't want to be stuck raising a child all the time, or whatever other reasons - I'm saying if someone wants to look after their baby, they should be able to without being judged.

But sadly when my parents split up, that left my Mother with the problem of having a 4 year old and a 6 year old to raise on her own, without any form of financial stability and with no real life plans other than "I want to be a mother". So since then, I've seen my mother go in and out of possible careers, and training and never finding something she actually wants to devote decades to and climb the career ladder of, considering the only job she had ever had was before she became a mother - where she worked in MotherCare in her late Teens. In fact my Mum had no idea what she wanted to do in life until I started college, and she realized she could go back into education and train to be a Midwife and by this point she was in her late thirties with 6 children and just couldn't find the time to do that.

Sometimes I worry I won't ever actually find something I really enjoy doing in terms of a career. At the moment I'm on the road to becoming a Pediatric Psychologist, specifically looking at low birth weight babies, but to be honest - whenever I think of the future: I think of the 50s, where I have a spotty coloured dress on, cooking in a kitchen and looking after the children - because that's just what I want. I want to dedicate my life to looking after and caring for my children and husband. I want to raise my children to be open minded and honest hard working people who feel they can do whatever they want in life.

Me and my boyfriend have been together two years now, yet we've planned out when we'll get married, when we want to have children, how many (3), what their names would be (Lyric/Ivy, Leon/Sophie or Rory/Lawliet), how we want to build our own house, how we plan on decorating - buuuut neither of us know what we want to do in life yet, and that worries me. I mean, I know more than Tim because I'm hopefully going into Pediatric Psychology, but Tim does Theoretical Maths and Physics at university and doesn't know what he wants to do with it. Whenever I ask, he says "I dunno, I'll probably just go into banking" and looks sad about that. So... I dunno. Which is a pretty disappointing life plan for two people who are trying to get a Bachelor in Science and a Masters in Mathematics.

If you're wondering where this random rant came from, there's a 50s diner up the street and I want to go so bad! But also I wanna dress up for it, because I'm super weird like that, so I was looking up poodle skirts and dresses and bobby socks and I found some really pretty clothes, which confuses me because I really like 50s teenage girl style, but I also like a lot of punk style, and I dress completely different on different days. Some days I look like I could be an extra on the Big Bang Theory, others I dress like I'm going off to work in an office and other days I dress like I'm one of the main characters of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Okay now I'm going off on a completely different rant now. So back on topic:

So I always presumed one day, it'd be like Sims 2 when they do a hobby for the first time and they're like "Yes, this is what I want to devote my life to!", but that day just hasn't happened. It happened to Tim. When he was 5, he was a bad kid and got very bad grades constantly - then one day he was just sat in class doing math and he suddenly had this "wow, this is super important to me and I want to dedicate my life to it" moment. Anything I get interested in - I become painfully uninterested in further down the line. The only consistent things about me, from the past 19 years, 1 week and 6 days of my life - is that I've always wanted to grow up and be a Mother. Like, yeah I had my "Wow, I'm going to dedicate the next year of my life to getting into University" moment - but I'm almost 100% sure I only went to university as something to do to kill time before I'm old enough to have children that I know I can provide for (that and when my children are old enough to go to school, I'd like a job during school time - which is my main reason for wanting to find a job I'm interested in). Blah-de-blah, I forget where this rant is going...

*oh and what I said earlier, I wasn't saying feminism is that women should get jobs, I'm saying that's what that person seemed to think feminism was about making all women work, when it's about giving them as much of a right as men to get jobs

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  1. Simba's Avatar
    I actually read all that.

    I feel 100% certain you don't want to hear either of the two things I'm about to say, but it's four in the morning so here they are...

    1) Just do whatever you want and cut people who have a problem with it out of your life. You won't change anyone's mind. What are you gonna do, not be a stay-at-home mom because other people go "tut-tut!" at you?

    2) You're nineteen years old? You're practically in diapers. Barring an accident or disease, you've got decades ahead of you to figure out what you want to do with your life.

    2b) Everyone has this crisis in college, even if they don't say it out loud. "I don't actually know what I want to do with my life!" It's a high-pressure, made-permanent-decisions environment, but when you come out the other end you'll see it was mostly bull. You can pretty much do anything with your life at any point, there are no time limits. Einstein was in his thirties when he first got into physics.

    (Oh, and about the idiot feminist who was all "you can't be a housewife, ugh, so old fashioned!" Try to realize you're in college -- everyone's an idiot in college, NOBODY is a good representative of their chosen idelogies. Read some Sikivu Hutchinson or Gloria Steinem or Debbie Goddard. Those are feminists to judge the idealogy by.)
  2. Ivysaur's Avatar
    I get where you're coming from. This hits close to home, in the sense that I'm pretty lost right now, in terms of my future career. Who knows what I'll be doing or who I'll be in twenty years. I'm a psych major myself, as it's really the only thing I've found that I've had a prolonged interest in, but I don't think I really see a future there that would leave me happy. It's crappy situation for sure, but at least you're not alone there if it's any consolation
  3. Stardust Crusaders's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Simba
    I actually read all that.

    I feel 100% certain you don't want to hear either of the two things I'm about to say, but it's four in the morning so here they are...
    I actually felt a lot better after reading that. I guess I'm going through a mini-crisis lately because I'll be 20 next year, and I always thought when I was 20 I'd know what I was doing in life and be super grown up and independent - which of course I'm not. But I guess everyone thought 20 was super mature and whatever when you're younger. I kinda feel like I have to decide now, because I want to have children in my mid-20s so before then I want a nice house and to be married and such, but I guess there's a while to figure out what I'm doing, and hell - maybe if I chose now, in the future I'll grow up to not like what I'm doing and regret it. At the moment I'm interested in Pediatric Psychology, so I'll see where that leads me, if I don't like it - so what, Psychology is a very general degree that can be used in practically any career.
  4. Phoenixon's Avatar
    Your boyfriend is doing Mathematics. He is, therefore, awesome.

    I give pretty bad advice, so here's a quote instead:
    "You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life." -Steve Jobs

    I hope that helped. And I hope you have a good life. Do what makes you happy. I guess.
  5. Simba's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Stardust Crusaders
    I actually felt a lot better after reading that. I guess I'm going through a mini-crisis lately because I'll be 20 next year, and I always thought when I was 20 I'd know what I was doing in life and be super grown up and independent - which of course I'm not. But I guess everyone thought 20 was super mature and whatever when you're younger. I kinda feel like I have to decide now, because I want to have children in my mid-20s so before then I want a nice house and to be married and such, but I guess there's a while to figure out what I'm doing, and hell - maybe if I chose now, in the future I'll grow up to not like what I'm doing and regret it. At the moment I'm interested in Pediatric Psychology, so I'll see where that leads me, if I don't like it - so what, Psychology is a very general degree that can be used in practically any career
    Glad I helped :)
    And you're right, a psych degree can be used in a lot of ways.
    Coincidentally I'm also a psych major who wants to be a stay-at-home...well, dad in my case.

    My life sure hasn't gone the way I planned it when I was nineteen. I think probably very few people end up following their plan to the T, 'cause stuff happens you can't predict. Breakups, finding love, death, birth, financial woes or windfalls.
  6. BlackOsprey's Avatar
    You have no idea what you want to do with your life? That makes two of us...
    I'm only a high school sophomore, but everyone around me already seems to know exactly where they want to go, what they want to do. Or at least have a solid-ish idea of it. My life is spent playing video games such as Pokemon, doing school, and ranting about politics. Hard to figure any sort of career out of that mess. Thinking about it sometimes gets me depressed. But from what I've heard, you can set and change your course even pretty late into it all. I know some people who didn't figure what they really wanted to do til towards the end of college. I bet you'll be okay. And I know this world needs pediatric psychologists... I was one of those kids who got some help from one of them.

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