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TwinLukes

I just don't know what to do anymore...

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I have a rather awkward dilemma on my hands here; it's my first year of high school, and a month ago,a girl who I have for two of my four classes asked me out, not having dated before, I said yes because I found her pretty and to be honest I liked talking to her. A week in, learn she as Aspergers, same thing I have, and she was taunted a lot in Junior High. I want to help her out with making friends and stuff, but every time I give her advice, she says she can't do it and is too scared. This evening, I guess I god fed up with her beating herself up over it and just went out and addressed the problem and how she could fix it, but then she said that she didn't want me telling her what to do. This is what's tearing me up right now, because if I just give up and let her go on like this, I know it won't end well, but I'm not sure I can go on with her much longer in the current state, and if I break up with her, I'm afraid I'll really hurt her, and then I'll just end up hating myself for doing it. I want to let her try and figure it out for herself, but she says shes been like this for her whole life, so I doubt she'll be able to manage it alone, I know I couldn't.

I'm the only one of my friends who's had a serious girlfriend, and I have nowhere to turn, so please, what the hell do I do?

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  1. Ben 10's Avatar
    Just stay strong and stick with her till the end. You could end up in a worse position if you do break up with her so just try and find a way to help her without breaking up with her or straining your relationship.
  2. Kutomba's Avatar
    Try just talking with her and explaining why you feel so upset, and listen to what she has to say about it. Don't let the conversation be one-sided or she will see it as you trying to tell her what to do. As Ray Koya said, stay strong.
  3. sharkshocker's Avatar
    Just be there for her, it's understandable that it would be hard to make friends given what she's gone through. Maybe over time she'll open up and try to get over her fear. Don't break up with her because it might make things worse. If she has trouble making friends maybe it took some courage for her to ask you out.

    Accept her choice so that when she does decide to do something about it, you're still there for support and ready to help her out. Good luck with it.
  4. TwinLukes's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by sharkshocker
    Just be there for her, it's understandable that it would be hard to make friends given what she's gone through. Maybe over time she'll open up and try to get over her fear. Don't break up with her because it might make things worse. If she has trouble making friends maybe it took some courage for her to ask you out.

    Accept her choice so that when she does decide to do something about it, you're still there for support and ready to help her out. Good luck with it.
    Trust me, I want to stay, but I'm trapped between two parties, and it I have no idea what to do, it makes me feel powerless sometimes: say one thing to someone, risk pissing off the other one.
  5. sharkshocker's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Silver06
    Trust me, I want to stay, but I'm trapped between two parties, and it I have no idea what to do, it makes me feel powerless sometimes: say one thing to someone, risk pissing off the other one.
    I understand what you mean, it is difficult having to balance things sometimes. We can see how much you'd like to help her, but at the same time there's only so much one can say if the person isn't willing to listen.

    Sometimes it takes a while for people to see advice from a different perspective, I guess the best thing you can do is try to explain why you want to help. You understand why it would be difficult for her in the beginning to reach out, but you can say that you're there for her and that you'll be there when she's ready. Your heart's in the right place and hopefully she can see that.

    If some times it's starting to get to you or talking about it is going nowhere, make sure to calm down and try to talk things out. Explain your side and try to understand where she's coming from. You don't have to settle on something right then and there, but make sure not to let anger make you lose control and do something that would hurt both of you. And make sure to enjoy your time together :)
  6. PyroPokeman's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Silver06
    Trust me, I want to stay, but I'm trapped between two parties, and it I have no idea what to do, it makes me feel powerless sometimes: say one thing to someone, risk pissing off the other one.
    Ah, problems of love. I'm no guru, in fact its my second year in high school, but let me tell you this, because I have a crush on a girl who does so much for her friends,and takes burden beyond her own. You, no matter what, have to stand by her. Be patient. As long as you stand with her, put a hand on her shoulder for support. I know that no matter what, I'm not letting my crush face her problems alone, because who will be there when the burden is too much? Be the support, if you really like her, go the distance and take every moment to change her world, make it beautiful like Kalos/France. Ok, she won't do what you say, then you help out, share your world with her, make her a part of it. Don't command, never command, just bring all that she needs.

    It's funny though, I'm giving advice and yet I never had a single girlfriend. Shame too, as my crush is my first and I'm giving this advice. XD
  7. Konstantinos's Avatar
    Try to be close to her, and support her whenever she wants to. Just do not pressure her a lot.

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