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Downside of being Asian. \(=_=;)/

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Parents are cheap. (Buy cheapest, buy things on sale, etc.)

It's not actually a bad thing, means we can save money for other things (MANGA ANIME COSPLAY COUGH COUGH), but in this case, it's created an angry cycle for me.

I had fitness aka working out in the gym for P.E last term and I'm telling you, I bloody fucking loved it. (Well, I tend to like all exercise that's either fun or surpresses my bloodlust/killing anger management (I don't even know if I have that but, hey, if it fuels me, I ain't complainin~ ;D)) Elliptical machines or however you spell it are BAWSS. Mad as bro, I'd be sprinting all lesson. I can't really tell how far I was going cus I'm not sure what the units were. '1' every ten minutes. '1' what? Kilometre? Mile? To those who think I'm exaggerating, I can also give you a rough idea of my speed by the amount of calories I was burning; 18 calories per minute. For those who still have no clue, lemme put it this way; when you're jogging, you only burn roughly (According to statistics) 1 calorie per minute.

Anyway, so you're probably thinking 'WTF bitch? I wanted to laugh at your problems, not hear you brag about how amazing your life is?' WELL FUCK YOU, YOU TWAT! I HAVE LARYNGITUS AND HAVE BEEN BANNED FROM TALKING AND GOING TO SCHOOL!!! Okay, that's not the main topic of my rant, I just thought I'd add that in.

I loved the elliptical machines at school so much that I wanted one at home, and asked my parents for one. They agreed it was good exercise (whatever the fuck that means), and said they would buy one. So, without telling me or my dad, my mum goes off and orders one straight away. And what did she buy?

A fucking Nordic walker. LOL!!! It had to be fucking flown in from Holland as well!!! It literally looked like two walking poles stuck together with pedals, with some Aryan chick on the box power walking like there was no fucking tomorrow, crop top and short-shorts and all. Okay, so at first I raged at her for buying so stupid, but I just ended up laughing cus it was so fucking ridiculous! But then we ended up showing her a real elliptical trainer, so we sent back the Nordic walker and bought an actual elliptical trainer.

For anyone reading this who is interested in buying gym equipment, I seriously recommend going to try the machines out before buying it, or you'll end up with the problem I have, which I am about to explain.

My parents tried to get the cheapest elliptical machine out there, which turned out to be one that also had a bike seat attached to it. Now, wouldn't you think it a bit weird that an elliptical machine with an extra added feature like a bike seat so you can either cycle or run would be more expensive than just an ordinary, simple elliptical trainer by itself? But at the time I was just glad I would have an elliptical trainer of my own so I could work out during the holidays. It was an elliptical trainer, and that was all that mattered, right?


So it arrived, my dad built it, and I was super special awesome mega excited. I went downstairs and tried it out.

And fucking died.

It was like the pedals were made of lead! I thought it must've been on a a strong tension setting or something, so I looked at the meter.

It was at ZERO.

I was so confused. Maybe I'd suddenly gotten really weak, if that was possible? Lol jks, I pummelled the non-squad team at football earlier that week (HURRICANE, YO!). I thought it must've been my imagination, and I was just being a pussy. So, the next day, I tried doing a full work out like I do at the gym, going nuts.

I WAS BARELY MOVING. IF SOMEONE WAS WATCHING ME, IT WOULD'VE LOOKED LIKE I WAS GOING ON A LIGHT JOG. And worse, I was dying. I was pushing myself even further than usual, using all my strength to try and make the damn machine go at my usual speed, and I ended up feeling SICK. THAT'S HOW BAD IT WAS. I had to go into my old room (where there's no heating) and drink ice cold water, and stayed there until I felt better after 10 minutes.

Nevertheless, I was still determined to go on. I trudged onwards for an hour and a bit, and I'd only burned a fanfuckingtastic 200 calories (I can't tell the distance on my trainer either, maybe I should go read the instructions manual?). I was extremely pissed off. I told my parents that there was something wrong with it, and it was nothing like the school one. Dad got angry and said he wasn't paying for one like at school (Because it's actual gym equipment and state of the art or some shit, I don't even wanna consider how much the computer programmed thing costs, probably hitting £1000 at worst considering ordinary ones with manual tension control cost £400). That's perfectly understandable, but did he really have to buy some cheapo sale deal for £120 (Bearing in mind that something like the Nordic walker with no computer control at all cost £80 alone)?

Thankfully, my parents use it, so it's not an entire waste of money. But what am I gonna do? I contemplated going to the gym after school, but sometimes boarders go there to kill time and also it'd be really awkward being in the midst of the rugby firsts team working out. Wait, why would they be on a cross trainer? They'd probably be doing weights or using the rowing machine. Lol, dipshit. And what am I gonna do during the holidays? The idea of jogging in the sun sounds ideal and nice, but in reality, you've actually gotta head somewhere to jog, you can't suddenly stop, and compared to my usual regime, you barely burn anything and sometimes you get hecklers. I used to cycle last Easter, but I'd be done in 20 minutes cus it only takes me 15 minutes to do a whole circuit of the park and the high street. Also, I used to get chased by fucking yappy dogs. SHOULD'VE RAN OVER THAT STUPID CHIHUAHUA!!! SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR TRYNA MAKE A FOOL OUTTA ME!!! HUH?!!?!?

Hurghh. Anyone got any ideas? Going to the gym my mum's joined could work, since they have a pool too. Could walk there, that'd be cool, so I wouldn't be indoors the entire time. Also, I've heard swimming is a really good work out? But apparently it makes you really hungry afterwards? God damn shitu. Screw this shit, I'm just gonna become a danceroid. GEE GEE GEE GEE BABY BABY!~

Also, here's a MyChonny video. Just 'cause. XD


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  1. SkinheadontheMBTA's Avatar
    If you're serious about it, I would join the gym that your Mum joned, especially if they have a pool. Nothing like a swim after a workout. Swimming is very good exercise, as it works out your entire body and is zero impact, so unlike running, you won't get joint pain from it.
  2. Karamazov's Avatar
    Nordic Walking's pretty cool, and it really helps build upper body strength. But maybe you're too Imperial for that.
  3. GoldenrodGOD's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by SkinheadontheMBTA
    If you're serious about it, I would join the gym that your Mum joned, especially if they have a pool. Nothing like a swim after a workout. Swimming is very good exercise, as it works out your entire body and is zero impact, so unlike running, you won't get joint pain from it.
    Hmm, didn't consider one after the other, thought it'd have to be one at a time. Thanks~! \(^0^)/

    Quote Originally Posted by Karamazov
    Nordic Walking's pretty cool, and it really helps build upper body strength. But maybe you're too Imperial for that.
    I've already got upper body strength, no thanks~ xP
  4. Ladies and Gentlemen's Avatar
    HOLY FUCK I LOVE ELIPTICAL MACHINES! My great grandmother had one, it was awesome. Like, the best part is that they kinda have a fan in 'em, so you don't get hot and sweaty while using one. Anyway, why not just google how to fix it yourself?


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